08-19-2023, 03:16 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-21-2023, 03:49 AM by Aneeqs. Edited 2 times in total.)
The following is a transcription comprised of several pieces of colated video and audio media from the evening of October 31st, 2058. Through the tireless work of myself, Ulysses Babineaux, and other members of the Arcane's dedicated staff, we believe this to be the truest and most complete version of the events that took that night.
For those who are unaware, three rookie members of the Bondi Beach Buccaneers were pranked by their different position groups and locked in the team's facilities, to be released that morning when members of the building's staff would be returning to start their days.
It is worth noting that two of the three rookies who were in the building that night have been subjects of previous reporting by this publication. It was not our intention at any point for them to have their lives effected by that reporting.
This series events has not been edited in any way except for the sake of time.
I must reiterate, dear reader, that this ominous series of events was presented in its entirety and was not edited. It is this reporter's belief that those three men interacted with a genuine Man in Black and were threatened under pain of death to stay silent about those events.
There is no doubt in my mind that this event was real, that this footage as it was received by the Aracane was not doctored in any way. Experts at the University of Sydney confirmed that none of the video from the Buccaneers' facility was not manipulated in a way that they can detect. As far as we, and the experts, can tell it is all genuine.
Having watched the collated footage, I think it is important to state plainly that those three men did not have any part in the production of this story. Thomas Passarelli, Zenzeroni Xystarch II, and Paul McLaughlin were not contacted and are not aware of this story being printed. This was all done by the Midwestern Arcane and myself, Ulysses Babineaux.
Remember, dear readers. Stay vigilant.
For those who are unaware, three rookie members of the Bondi Beach Buccaneers were pranked by their different position groups and locked in the team's facilities, to be released that morning when members of the building's staff would be returning to start their days.
It is worth noting that two of the three rookies who were in the building that night have been subjects of previous reporting by this publication. It was not our intention at any point for them to have their lives effected by that reporting.
This series events has not been edited in any way except for the sake of time.
Quote:[Three men are in the lobby of the Bondi Beach Buccaneers practice facility, banging on the door. They are Thomas Passarelli, Zenzeroni Xystarch II, and Paul McLaughlin. Thomas turns away from the front door in frustration, having been banging on it for several minutes.]
Thomas: I can't believe we got locked in like this. I knew we were gonna get hazed, but I didn't expect some bullshit like this.
Paul: The talent show was way more than enough hazing. Like, seriously. I never show anyone my contact juggling like that, it's way too intimate.
Zenzeroni: I never want to see that ever again for as long as I live.
P: You're just jealous.
Z: Of being able to scar someone for life with a fushigi ball? Yeah. I'm a little bit jealous.
P: Exactly. People like you don-
Z: People like me?! The fuck does that mean!?
T: Guys, guys. Come on, we need to focus. If we're going to be here all night I want to at least get something to eat.
[Xystarch and McLaughlin look at each other and shrug. The offensive lineman starts leading the way to the facility's kitchen. Footage changes to a walking live video from Passarelli's social media account.]
T: Yo what up, its your boy T-Money back at it again with another episode of Behind the Buccaneers. You know what it is, we out here. I got my boy Zenzeroni with me. Wave to the people, Zenz.
[The punter throws up a peace sign to the people watching at home. The viewer count is seventeen.]
Z: Hey Paul, how do you know that the kitchen is going to have food for us? We could just get pizza delivered.
T: How would they get the pizza to us if the doors are all locked?
Z: Drones? Probably?
P: BMP told me that there's always sandwiches and shakes and stuff down there.
T: You call him BMP?
P: You don't?
T: Of course I don't that's weird. Why would I do that? I work with the guy.
P: What do you call him?
T: Bertie. The hell?
P: You're telling me he doesn't make you call him 'Notorious BMP' whenever he's in ear shot?
T: What?
Z: What?
P: Goddammit.
T: [Addressing the phone] You heard it here first, folks. The fierce Bayou Brawler himself Paul McLaughlin has to call his running back 'Notorious BMP.' I'm surprised this hasn't gotten leaked to the media already.
[The group enter the facility's kitchen and immediately start raiding the stocked fridges for food. McLaughlin assembles a sandwich that could best described as Scooby-Doo Esque. Xystarch starts boiling water for pasta. Passarelli just drinks a smoothie and looks at the other two like they're insane.]
P: Do you ever eat a carb? I know you're all about your abs and all but come on man. Eat a carb.
T: My body is a temple and I treat it accordingly. I'm like a sports car and you're like a main battle tank. Different fuel for different needs, man.
P: Did you just call me fat?
T: No.
P: You sure?
T: Yes.
P: You sure you're lying?
T: What?
Z: Guys!
[A loud crashing sound is heard in the audio from Passarelli's Instagram live. The three big burly football players all jump and turn to look but see nothing. The lights in the kitchen are on but the dining room lights are off which makes it hard to see.]
Z: Paul you should go check that out.
P: Why me?!
Z: Didn't you get secret agent trained by the Men In Black or something?! Use your mind powers on it!
P: Aren't you a lizard?
T: What the fuck are you two talking about?
(See previous articles from this publication for context)
[Footage from a security camera pointing at the dining room. There is what appears to be a kind of glitch in the footage. Visual noise, static, and distorted horizontal bars interfere with the video.]
Z: You're the offensive lineman. Go be offensive. Or better yet, you play guard. Go guard us!
[McLaughlin makes a rude gesture at the punter and grabs a spatula before slowly walking out into the dining room. Passarelli and Xystarch watch from the well lit kitchen. A far window creaks open without any visible outside influence]
P: Hello? Is anyone there? Can you let us out of the building? We got locked in as part of a hazing thing. We think.
[The glitching of the footage suddenly stops. Paul looks to be more calm.]
P: See? There wasn't anything out here.
[A chair from across the room goes flying towards the lineman and he drops to the floor to dodge it.]
P: Shit!
Z: What was that?!
T: Who threw that?
[One of the doors near where the chair's throw originated from slams open.]
T: Over there!
[Paul throws the spatula. It misses by, conservatively, six yards.]
P: Let's get him!
[The trio of Buccaneers rookies take off after what they believe to be some kind of assailant even though there is no visible perpetrator. Footage from the hallway shows them taking off after something they think they see but they end up back at the lobby. McLaughlin is the only one of them that is out of breath.]
Z: Okay, who the hell would also be in here and throw chairs at Paul?
T: No clue. I thought we were the only ones here.
Z: We should be. No one works that late here.
P: We should check the security office. They have cameras that could tell us. Hell, they might have a key for the doors.
[Xystarch and Passarelli look at him.]
P: What?
T: You know where the security office is?
P: Yeah man. I had to talk to them about the training thing I had to do.
Z: What's the deal with that, actually? Like, what happened at the training? I read that article it made it sound like you got brainwashed or something.
P: Honestly man I don't remember. Like these suits showed up at the Aztec's place and they put me in this van and then I was in like New Mexico or some shit? It's all kind of a blur, you know what I mean? Like I remember running hand drills and stuff like that and then the next thing I remember was eating tacos in the locker room before that prospect bowl game.
T: I remember that. You were acting really weird. Like your eyes were all glassy and distant. But you got like five pancakes that game so I just figured you were just locked in.
[The group start walking towards the security office which is one floor up. There are several camera cuts to follow them, each piece of footage getting progressively more distorted. Eventually the rookies come out of a stairway, walk down a hallway, and stop. They all have uneasy body language, though Paul looks the most afraid.]
Z: Hey, who's that guy down there?
T: I have no idea.
P: (Quietly) We should leave.
Z: What? Dude you said they might have a key. We could leave.
P: I don't like this. We should get out of here.
[A tall man in a 1950s era suit and hat walks forward towards the three of them. The camera distortions get worse the closer he gets to any individual camera.]
Man in Black: You should not be here.
T: Hey man we got locked in as a prank, we're just trying to get out of here. Do you have a key to unlock the door?
MIB: Right. Your kind need keys.
Z: What do you mean your kind?
MIB: A...joke. Ha. Ha. You should not be here.
T: Yeah we just want to leave.
MIB: Then leave.
T: We need the key.
MIB: Yes. A key.
Z: Yeah? We just told you that.
[The tall man holds out his hand palm up. A high pitched buzzing sound fills the recording for several seconds as the distortion gets exponentially worse. A trail of smoke curls from his palm and then the man in black holds up a key.]
P: (Scared) What the fuck did you just do?
Z: Some kind of weird magic trick, I think. That might explain the sulfur smell. Goddamn it stinks in here.
[Passarelli steps forward to take the key from the Man in Black but the tall figure holds up a finger to stop the movement. The big tight end stops and steps back warily.]
MIB: Do not speak of what has happened here this night.
T: Or what?
MIB: Do not speak of it.
T: What are you going to do if we do say something? Huh? Are you threatening us?
MIB: Do you see how this key appeared?
Z: Yeah man we see it. Just stay cool. Okay? Everyone just stay cool.
MIB: It is within our power to make this key appear anywhere. Even in your beating heart, Thomas Passarelli from Old Dominion University in Norfolk Virginia, I could make it appear. Do not test me, and do not test us. It is within our power to make this and many other things happen.
T: What the fuck?
P: I told you we should've left.
T: Maybe you were right.
Z: Why do you keep saying "our" and "us?" You're the only one here besides us.
MIB: We are many. We are everywhere. Do not disturb the order of things, Zenzeroni Xystarch The Second. The promise that things will be better for you than Paul McLaughlin can not be made. The order of things must not be disturbed.
T: Or what?
[Every door in the hallway slams open at the same time with enough force to rip some of them off their hinges. Each of the rookies flinches at the sudden onslaught of noise.]
MIB: We will be watching all of you. Do not speak of this interaction. Take this key, Thomas Passarelli, and leave this place. Now.
[Passarelli very carefully walks forward and takes the key. He bobbles it between his hands a few times as it appears to be very hot to the touch. The Man in Black disappears from the footage. In a frame by frame breakdown, the tall man in the black suit is simply there one moment and gone the next with no visible indication of where he went or how. The only clue at all is another burst of camera distortion.]
Z: Holy shit.
P: Yeah. Yeah you can say that again. That. That was intense.
[McLaughlin and Xystarch look at each other for a few seconds and they both appear to sag a little bit, as if they suddenly feel exhausted.]
T: I have no idea what you two are talking about. Nothing happened. We went in the security room and got the key. That's it.
P: You're joking me. You have to be joking.
T: No! I'm not joking! This is serious, that shit was real, and I am never talking about it again. Ever.
Z: Maybe he's right.
T: I know I'm right. And if either of you go talking to Babineaux about this, we're all going to end up with keys in our chests. So I'm done talking about this. I am going to unlock the door, you guys can come with me, and I'm going to go get some McDonalds and then drink to forget everything that just went down.
Z: You know what? That sounds like a plan to me.
P: Yeah. Yeah it does. What does that Babineaux guy know anyway? Let's get the hell out of here.
[The football players leave the facility without incident.]
I must reiterate, dear reader, that this ominous series of events was presented in its entirety and was not edited. It is this reporter's belief that those three men interacted with a genuine Man in Black and were threatened under pain of death to stay silent about those events.
There is no doubt in my mind that this event was real, that this footage as it was received by the Aracane was not doctored in any way. Experts at the University of Sydney confirmed that none of the video from the Buccaneers' facility was not manipulated in a way that they can detect. As far as we, and the experts, can tell it is all genuine.
Having watched the collated footage, I think it is important to state plainly that those three men did not have any part in the production of this story. Thomas Passarelli, Zenzeroni Xystarch II, and Paul McLaughlin were not contacted and are not aware of this story being printed. This was all done by the Midwestern Arcane and myself, Ulysses Babineaux.
Remember, dear readers. Stay vigilant.