08-21-2023, 12:48 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-22-2023, 09:51 AM by lemonoppy. Edited 1 time in total.)
Bored out of your mind on this miserable Monday with nothing to look forward to? Well, look no further! We’ve got date-after-date ideas that are going to blow you away! While they are targeted toward certain people don’t be afraid to steal these ideas for yourself! If you are truly bored this should give you hours and hours of fun and exciting reading content but more importantly exciting dating advice to get you off your ass and into the real world!
Contrary to popular belief kickers do get dates. In fact, I can’t even count them on my fingers! How is this related to the ISFL you are asking yourself? Well as important as it is to have a good happy team on the field it is also good to have a good happy team off the field which is why I am here providing ideas for when you go on a date so that you don’t have to worry about stressing trying to find some fancy restaurant or some hit new show that you will both like. Leave the stress for the field. Leave the relaxation and fun to me.
I want to get out in front of everything and say no, I do not want to date any of you. However, as the ISFL draft is fast approaching (kind of but not really) I thought it would be nice to give you a little piece of what you can expect from me as a teammate. I am a loving, caring, compassionate team player that puts the team first. And to showcase this I wanted to show each and every one of you where you should take your date based on your name.
You may be confused but when you see it in action it will all make sense. To help you understand how GREAT of a date it will be I also threw in a review of the place/thing to really drive home how much fun it will really be and how much thought I put into researching said wonderful date even though I swore off reviews after the Mcdonalds incident.... Anyways, without further ado let's get this show on the road starting with the Baltimore Hawks.
BALTIMORE HAWKS
Rocky Moreaux
Date Idea: Rocky Movie Marathon
Review (Rocky): Very beautiful movie. Very recommened to kids I learnt very much english from movie watching.
Explanation: With a name like Rocky you left me very few options other than the Rocky movies themselves. And if you and your date are feeling really up for it you could go into the Creed trilogy as well. So many options here and if you don’t know English this movie is for you!
Preston Beatz
Date Idea: Dr. Dre Studio Tour
Review (Beats by Dre Wireless headphones) : These corded, (cordless WASNT out yet), mine, were glossy blk w/ the RED b’s on the ears!!! Not white. Ok ?? got em- EVERYTHINGS FAMOUS!!!!!! It’s Christmas!!! Family’s in town!!! Stories by the fire, nieces nephews…so all was wonderful at this moment…THEN ! I open what I’d been waiting for, FOREVER!!!! MY BEATS BY DRE! Ok, these- color??? When I received your mom there weren’t any hot pink or yellow or blue or even multicolored much less really multicolored if they didn’t even have different colors then only black or red or the mixture of both, OR GREY! OK, Of course me being a young woman I’m wanting a girly girl sky blue like my favorite color may be hot pink something like that earphones OK well these did very very great for about a year and a half now this is leaving them out and just clunking them on my bed table and not even putting them back in to their little zipper holder and folding them up first and then putting em back in the little zipper holder!!??????? Ok, I looooved the sound- the #QUALITY was PRIMO!!!!!!!
Explanation: The well-known brand that swept the nation Beats by Dre monopolized the market for a short time before other major companies swooped in and capitalized on the idea created by Dr. Dre but Dre is more than a label on a brand he is a producer and an artist so take a trip to his studio and who knows what you might see! And I think the review speaks for itself as long as you can read teenage girl text.
Charles Chapman
Date Idea: Chaplin’s World
Review (Chaplin’s World): U can c Charli Chaplin from very close n c his plc . Everything feels real ......must visit
Explanation: With a name like Charles Chapman the only possible thing we could be doing is doing something Charlie Chaplin related so it’s off to Switzerland to view the life and history of Charlie Chaplin along with watching his famous movies. And based on the reviews it seems like you can get up close and personal with him which will be a cool experience as well!
Jake Williams
Date Idea: Bearizona Wildlife Park
Review: SO much fun!! 1000% recommend! We were face to glass to face with both of the jaguars. Amazing. Biggest gift shop ever. Great food and the live show on the lawn was incredible and super educational!
Explanation: You are probably asking yourself how Bearizona is related to Jake Williams at all. Well, weary traveler let me explain. With such a generic name I did a little digging and found the city of Williams, Arizona and in Williams, Arizona is this crazy wild place called Bearizona. With a name like that surely it can’t be a bad place to go. Plus, you can be face to glass to face with animals!
Kumquat Archipelago
Date Idea: Florida Keys
Review: Cannot find any of the FL. Keys except key west on this map.
Explanation: Combining both first and last names and we get a trip to the Florida Keys where there is plenty to do. If you love the ocean then the Florida Keys is the place for you. Mix in a little Kumquat here and a Kumquat there and you got yourself a bangin' good time! The only downside is the islands may be sinking (at least according to the reviewer's map)
Shane Turnbull
Date Idea: Running of the Bulls
Review: Final, sadness, joy
Explanation: The second I saw that last name I knew what had to be done. Hearing about it from others and seeing videos online has piqued my interest. Sure it might be dangerous but can’t have a little fun if you don’t put yourself out there. And I understand the negatives of the running of the bulls and bullfighting as does this reviewer and it most certainly isn’t for everyone but it is a fascinating cultural phenomenon for sure.
Sledge Hammer
Date Idea: Rage Room
Review: Difficult to locate (basement of driving school) so it seemed sketch but the experience was cool. Wonderful to have a place to safely project yourself, emotions, hardships, etc. Hell of a workout too. Sledgehammer is definitely my favorite to wield. Oh and my suit was broken, didn't like that. Zipper was unusable and only two buttons which popped open. If you are germ aware, I'd suggest bringing your own gear! Gloves, head mask, and face mask (you will inhale the particles in the air).
Explanation: Sledge Hammer I have the perfect place for you. Introducing Rage Room where you get to smash and destroy stuff for fun! It has recently become all the rage (see what I did there) and is a great way to vent your frustration when you aren’t on the field!
Ceti Pyxis
Date Idea: Stargazing (Explora Atacama)
Review (Hotel nearby): Beautiful oasis! I really have to give the housekeeping staff incredible reviews. Everything we returned to our room, the bed was neatly made. But most incredible was a brand new roll of toilet paper. It was kind of odd that they didn't leave us our partially "used" reduced roll and left us a back up.
Explanation: For the uninformed Explora Atacama in Chile is one of the best spots to stargaze in the world. And I will admit finding a proper date for Ceti Pyxis wasn’t easy but when I found out about the Pyxis constellation I knew what must be done.
MC Hammer
Date Idea: Meet and greet MC Hammer
Review (U can’t touch this song): Back when you had to work hard on finding a riff to steal in order to become a cultural phenomenon. Make several millions dollars, and promptly go bankrupt leveraging an over-inflated ego that's not buoyed by any talent. Instead of today's lazy youth who use computers to write their songs, and crummy youtube videos to become stars. Ah... the good ole days....
Explanation: I’m hoping that this MC Hammer isn’t THE MC Hammer otherwise I’m kind of digging myself into a hole with this one. But how cool would it be to meet your idol and the person you are named after? Unless you are THE MC Hammer in which case you can go to a nice restaurant or something for the date.
Bruce Buckley Jr.
Date Idea: Fright Factory Haunted House
Review: It was not really spooky, but the food tasted pretty good. The arm tasted nice, pretty sweet as hell.
Explanation: We are heading to Buckley, Washington for a haunted house experience. I will be honest this is more for me than for you because I love me a good haunted house and this one seems to pass the test as far as fear and fun factor in Buckley.
Antoine Winfied Jr.
Date Idea: Game Night
Review (Call of Duty Warzone): my dog became racist and bit my balls five stars. (I do not condone this review but I had to include it)
Explanation: Seems pretty straightforward and that’s because it is. Interesting transition from the NFL to the ISFL but I’m not going to argue. According to social media you’ve done some gaming on twitch so I figured it would be a good idea to play some COD for your date because that is what everyone likes to see in a man these days. Someone that can beat a 9 year old kid on Call of Duty
Bengal Tigerheart
Date Idea: Ranthambore National Park
Review: You have to visit here before you die. The whole place is wonderful, full of wildlife and with the added bonus of Tigers!!!! We saw three on 3 game drives.
Explanation: I think a tiger tour sounds terrifyingly fun and apparently this National Park has some of the most accessible tigers in the world. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing I’m not so sure.
Mabel Pines
Date Idea: Boring, Oregon
Review (North American Bigfoot Center): Believer or non believer, you've gotta stop and take in this place. Stopped due to knowledge of boring and it's connection to gravity falls, took the tour and got some swag... The truth is out there
Explanation: Welcome to the material world Mabel Pines. To celebrate you being in the real world I decided a good location would be to head over to a place that is very similar to Gravity Falls, Boring Oregon.
Casino Robin
Date Idea: Wynn Las Vegas
Review: Avoid the Wynn Las Vegas roulette tables. Just played the $25min table… and coincidentally had the house win twice in a row on green. Never seen this before in my gambling career. Play elsewhere. Unfortunately we’re staying at this resort for the weekend so now we have to gamble.
Explanation: While your date is busy losing money I figure you could take the opportunity to rob the #1 revenue-earning casino in Vegas.
Wälter Gunther
Date Idea: Wrestlemania
Review (Gunther): He's boring as fuck. And very overrated. Not to mention he doesn't look the least bit intimidating. His promos are pure trash. When K.O. threw shade at his imperium goofs by saying kaiserroll says "general" weird I burst out laughing. Because he's so correct. And I HATE that stupid fucking parade rest pose they do. If they're trying to look military with it it's a major fail. Fuck gunther and his boring ass group.
Explanation: Well Mr. Gunther I am honored to be in your presence and a free trip to Wrestlemania awaits you my friend! Not that you would need my help or anything but I figure I’d help you out.
Jay Money
Date Idea: Fort Knox
Review: I was able to steal 300 million dollars worth of gold by putting it in my shirt and saying I was pregnant. I am a male. Step up your security and ill give you 5 stars.
Explanation: What better spot to go with a guy like Jay Money than where the US keeps the majority of it’s gold reserve? Bonus for apparent easy access to stealing it too!
Bourtol Halcomsby
Date Idea: Camping in France
Review (Camping L'ARIZE en Ariège): staff not honest…scammed me for 5 euros. Shame…
Explanation: Quite the peculiar name proved tough to find a good idea but Bourtol does exist in France so that’s where you are heading. This camping stop looks more like a nice resort than a camping location so I’m sure it will be very comfortable.
Demarius Cook
Date Idea: Cooking Lessons
Review (Langlois Culinary Crossroads): The Crepes were not only fun to make, they were delicious. As for the Crepe toss competition, I believe it is going to take off and it will ultimately become an Olympic sport.
Explanation: Let Demarius cook. And that is what my plan is. As you get a chance to learn from the best chefs that the world has to offer along with your plus 1! You can finally stop cooking ramen for every meal!
Yummy HotDogPie
Date Idea: Happy Dog
Review: The atmosphere is a cool vibe. Its a place you go when your drunk or about to get drunk. As a sober consumer its not worth the money. The food portion doesn't match the price tag. But if your intoxicated its the best thing in the world. It gives me a bar with a high-school concessions stand in the back, Nothing special.
Explanation: Apparently Cleveland, Ohio is home to one of the best hot dog joints in the US. Happy Dog is the place to go to get a good Hotdog. And I guess you can stop somewhere to pick up a pie for a little treat for your date as well if so desired
Luigi Numberone
Date Idea: Super Nintendo World @Universal Studios Hollywood
Review: A goomba muscled me out of some coins, but I went all tanooki on him and saved the princess. Only now do I realize how high-maintenance she is! :O
Explanation: I agree Luigi is number one or at least better than Mario so in honor of that you are taking a trip to the newly opened Super Nintendo World.
Bubba Chubb
Date Idea: Bubba Gump Restaurant
Review: Bubba Gump’s has become a joke. The wait staff are wondering around like living brain donor’s. The food is cold, service atrocious and it is completely overpriced along with a completely filthy environment. Stay away call the health department!!
Explanation: The classic and world-renowned Bubba Gump Shrimp Company is a must so with a first name Bubba it was the first thing I thought of. Even as someone that doesn’t like seafood the place is too good to pass up. I mean just look at this raving review by this patron.
Mike Makmur
Date Idea: Kennedy Space Center
Review: I went 11 years ago, there was a priest who seemed very sick, he was fighting a japanese girl and a weird androgynous man with pink hair, there also was a 10 year old with a baseball suit, all the experience was very bizarre
Explanation: I’m going to be honest Mike, when I put your name into a search engine I did not expect an actual person to show up so excuse me if this seems to be me stalking you because that was not my intention. With that being said you seem like a smart fellow and the Kennedy Space Center seems right up your alley.
BERLIN FIRE SALAMANDERS
Charlie Thorsen
Date Idea: Charlie Thorne Book-A-Thon
Review (Charlie Thorne and the Last Equation): A great book about a kid who doesn’t like to read to give to a kid who doesn’t like to read . Sadly he has to because this is required summer reading for school
Explanation: I know not the most glamorous of ideas but the books seem genuinely interesting and could make for a fun book club-esque read so this is what I propose to you, Charlie Thorsen.
Nathan Meagher
Date Idea: Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs Restaurant
Review: Picture this: an adventure to Nathan's Famous that's just as thrilling as a ride on Deno's Wonder Wheel Park, but with a twist that had my eyebrows raising faster than a roller coaster drop. And what an adventure it was! As I savored the perfectly cooked chili dogs, fried chicken, and bacon that Nathan's Famous has become renowned for, I couldn't help but reflect on an encounter that left me gobsmacked.
Explanation: I did no research into the name because as soon as I saw Nathan I knew what had to be done. The popular eating competition sponsor is a perfect spot to eat to your heart's content.
Laszlo Forty-Two
Date Idea: Camp Lazlo Watch-A-Thon
Review: lazlo is my number one momkey.
Explanation: I’ve never heard of this show before but with the premise of “an anthropomorphic spider monkey” becoming a boy scout how could it possibly be bad? And with 58 episodes over 5 seasons it seems like it was fairly decent.
Sconnie McSix
Date Idea: Largest McDonalds in the US
Review: Is this McDonald’s or Hell on earth? I am definitely not McLovin it!!! I felt like a McKaren waiting getting saucy and extra spicey with each 20 minute duration that passed. I stood in line for my over 55 min waiting only because my kids were hangry. So when I received my order snd finally sat down, my french fries were hard as a rock and stale my cheeseburger was nasty and half cooked which had pickles, mustard, onions all the things I didn’t want on it ….. I couldn’t stand in line to get a refund, so I’m calling corporate in the morning because the line was insanity.!!!
Explanation: Going back to my roots with this one but we head to Florida where the biggest Mcdonald's is. A giant play place, arcade games and more this is more of a chuck-e-cheese than a McDonald's. And I’m sure you can get a McSix here to.
Diggs Sideline-touchdown
Date Idea: US Bank Stadium Tour
Review: Supposed to look like a ship? Maybe switch out one letter and it would be accurate! Well, at least it isn't the old "collapsible" Rollerdome!
Explanation: Your parents must be from the future if you have a name like that oh wait we are in the future nevermind carry on. But a tour of where that iconic play took place is a fitting place to take any date.
Roque Santa Cruz
Date Idea: Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk
Review: Too much sand on the beach. I went on the beach expecting a little sand but there was WAY TOO MUCH it was everywhere and I got it all in my buns. Overall fun experience just too much sand for my liking
Explanation: Making it easy for me with this one. Where else would Roque Santa Cruz go but Santa Cruz?! And the boardwalk sure is a nice place to bring anyone on a date if you are looking for a grab bag of activities.
Jordan Hartline
Date Idea: Premier League Soccer (Football) Match
Review (soccer subreddit): Fuck off: Manchester United, you glory hunting, self-righteous, arrogant cuntwagons. It's been fucking fantastic watching you falter. I used to work at Old Trafford as a waiter and the fucking bullshit propaganda shoved down your throat was ridiculous. It made it seem as if you were the biggest club that's ever existed ever - not one mention of your time in the second division. Fucking milked the fact that one single bomb got dropped on you during the war also. Fuck off. Coventry was anilhated, so was Birmingham, you don't see them claiming that shit do you? Also the milking of the Munich disaster (disclaimer, I think it was terrible also. any loss of life is unacceptable and totally tragic). Fucking commercialising that shit as much as possible. And also, fuck off with your bullshit towards Man City about them spending money. You've broken the British transfer record more than any other club you bunch of fuckwits. Look at this transfer window for fucks sake.
Leicester - Just fuck off. Shit place, shit stadium, somehow got massive financial backing, some fat cunt with a drum being a dickhead all game. Also, what the fuck is the fox hunting horn thing being blown at the start of the game about? Surely that means that the foxes (ie, Leicester) are about to be hunted? Fucking silly mug cunts.
Aston Villa - Fuck off. Such a family club. Golf clap every goal. No atmosphere. Sense of self entitlement too. Nice ground though.
Norwich - Fuck off. Who gives a shit. Tiny club.
Real Madrid - Francos team. Fuck you you Fascist twats. Santiago Bernabaue was a huge self confessed Fascist and your stadium is named after him. And all you money bullshit. Just fuck off. And Sergio Ramos, he's a grease infused cunt and all. And Pepe, what a fucking bowling ball cunt. Marcelo, fucking shitshow bob. What the fuck is he about. Go fuck off with Robinho. Also CRONALDO OMFGGG CR7777 fuck all that shit.
Chelsea - What the fuck. Money Money Money, John Terry the fucking bellend fucking everyones missus, Frank Lampard reckons hes the shit cos he got 2 GCSEs at B level the dickhead, Ashley Cole managed to actually be quite good despite vomiting in taxis like a cunt and also cheating on his unbelievably hot missus and trying to get the slag who he did it with to sign some disclaimer bullshit. Class A Cunt. Also fuck Abromivich. Absolute Yacht Wanker.
Hull - What the fuck are you even doing. Your city is shit. Your colours are shit. Your name is shit. Your stadium is shit. You are the biggest shitclub that exists. How the fuck have you just signed Ben Arfa you bunch of shitcunts.
Explanation: Jordan’s entire life revolves around football. Literally, everything I have read related to this man has something to do with football so with that being said I have decided to show him another version of football, the rest of the world's version and see how he likes it.
GOAT TANNK
Date Idea: Visiting Mostyn Moorcock
Review (Goat Simuator Game): i'm a goat irl and this is an accurate representation of my people
Explanation: Who is Mostyn Moorcock you are asking? Moorcock is the biggest most built goat in the entire world so I thought it would be a good idea for the Goat Tannk to meet another Goat Tank. Also can play goat simulator which is the goat tank of the video game world
Armor Queen
Date Idea: Drive a tank (Kerosota MN)
Review (Drive A Tank): Wow.. I drove a tank.
Explanation: The Challenger 2 (according to the first search on google) has the toughest armor of any tank so a date in a tank sounds romantic does it not? Plus on a tank ride, they may even let you shoot something.
Kevin McThumper
Date Idea: Bambi movie night
Review: There is a lot of sex and I love it (I’m not sure this person saw the same movie that I saw)
Explanation: An old classic of a movie and no other option considering having thumper in the name. I haven’t watched Bambi in a long time but it is a timeless movie that anyone at anytime would enjoy.
Really Creative-Name
Date Idea: Read Baby Names book
Review: There is a reason this book contains 100,001 names - most of them are things you would never dream of calling your child and are basically just filler. I'm sorry, but Fluffy? Cactus? Camera? I could just as easily name my baby by pointing at inanimate objects in my living room. The chapters that give tips on choosing names are interesting, but overall I'm very disappointed and think this book was a waste of money.
Explanation: As much as you think your name may be good I have news for you; there are plenty of better options out there. So I have taken it upon myself to set up a book club event to discuss The Complete Book of Baby Names: The Most Names (100,001+), Most Unique Names, Most Idea-Generating Lists (600+) and the Most Help to Find the Perfect Name. I mean with a book name like that they have to have all sorts of wonderful ideas to help you out.
Clint Mustache
Date Idea: Visit Deadwood
Review (Deadwood tv show): in this BS TV show they can die just one stab
Explanation: the first thing that came to mind with this combination of names is the wild wild west. And Deadwood is a great location that culminates all of those feelings of that era in one place.
Pete Zuh
Date Idea: Pizza Hut
Review: LITERALLY CALLED 6 TIMES AND THEY KEEP PUTTING ME ON HOLD. I CAN SEE FROM MY GAS IM THE GAS STATION ACROSS THE STREET THAT THEY ARE NOT BUSY NOT SURE WHO IS RUNNING THIS LOCATION BUT THIS IS UN ACCEPTABLE.
Explanation: I don’t think I need to explain this one.
Fred Edison
Date Idea: Thomas Edison National Historical Park
Review: Closed due to inclement weather. Like the rain will melt the house or something.
Explanation: With a last name like Edison there is only one genius that comes to mind. Sure he may have stolen a few inventions but you can’t deny he was a pretty smart guy. I’m sure this would be an exciting trip to bring any date on.
Tae Dawson
Date Idea: Rusty Duck Bar and Grill
Review: The BEST PLACE TO GOSSIP, GOSSIP AND BACKSTAB!!!!!!
UNBELIEVABLE....OH WAIT PAR FOR THE COURSE...ITS DAWSON
Explanation: I didn’t know where to take this one Tae Dawson not much out there related to the name and the associated city is less than eventful but I guess you are going to have to make it work anyways.
Emile Charles
Date Idea: Viewing Charles Émile Hippolyte Lecomte artwork
Review (museo Calvet): Plastic pots in the garden with thirsty orange trees, outrageous in such a place. Where are the anduze jars??
Explanation: Emile Charles meet Charlies Emile, an oriental french painter from the late 1800’s that is sure to impress with such artwork such as “Zouave Saving a Child from a Burning Church” and “REBECCA AT THE WELL”
Nick Williams
Date Idea: Hanwha Eagles game
Review: The away cheerleader statue was made temporarily, demolished, and repeatedly.
Regardless of the airborne in the area where the expedition fans are concentrated, the sound of the drum that has no meaning and does not respond is repeated through the speaker, making it deafening. As of May 22, cheering during defense was prohibited and pitcher support was ordered, but meaningless sabotage during uncivilized defense is very serious.
Explanation: Nick Williams you already play for the Eagles so figured I’d just help you out and suggest a date there. Maybe rent out the stadium for a night or something I don’t know seems like a good idea to me.
Zayne Dangle
Date Idea: Bojangles
Review: Not only in the place disgusting the lady at the drive through is mean. We dont got no mayo!!!!! We dont got no ketchup!!!!! So i ask for honey mustard just to have something to dip this dry sandwich that they didnt put no mayo on and she wants to charge me for it.
Explanation: Zayne Dangle reminds me of Bojangles so it looks like that is the place to take your date. I’ve never had Bojangles myself but I’m sure it tastes good enough to bring a date on. Fast food is all the craze these days anyways.
Known Acquaintance
Date Idea: Rent-A-Friend
Review: Wtf is rent a friend? It sounds pathetic.
Explanation: This may seem like an odd choice for a date but what’s better than having one date if not for two dates! Plus if it doesn’t work with your first date you have a fall guy that you know you can count on because you are paying for them!
Chaos Vert
Date Idea: Vertical Endevours
Review: After climbing here for one year the best comparison I can make is this rock climbing gym is very much like the Comcast Xfinity of rock climbing gyms. I climb here because it is close to my home and it is my only option (much like Comcast Xfinity is to a lot of people). I've climbed at many climbing gyms across the country and this franchise by far the worst of them all.
Explanation: What is more chaotic than some crazy fun indoor rock climbing? Plenty of chaos to be had at great heights with one slip causing chaos for yourself and anyone below you. Stay safe out there kids.
Ganyu
Date Idea: Genshin Impact Date Night
Review: Yes, Genshin Impact controls my life, but it's consensual
Explanation: Ganyu is a character in the very popular Genshin Impact series so it is only fitting that the date would revolve around the game itself. It is very easy to pass time in this addicting game so be warned you may lose yourself in the game before the date even starts.
Sack Sparrow
Date Idea: Pirates of the Caribbean binge
Review: The movie, while it has an engaging start, quickly falls apart. The discovery of immortal ghost pirates whose appearance changes with moonlight is too ridiculous. By the end of the movie, my friend and I were turning to each other and shaking our heads in shame. Not only was it unbelievable that the movie could have received such great reviews but that we paid to see it. If you must watch it, do so while inebriated.
Explanation: This needs no explanation. While the movies definitely fall off the first is a classic and deserves a watch on its own. Plenty of laughable moments and is simply a good movie to watch at any time.
Burnt Toast
Date Idea: Toaster shopping
Review (Amazon Basics 4 Slot Toaster, Brushed Silver): The toaster isn't as attractive in person as it is in the photos, the brushed stainless steel housing is thin (a bit of oil-canning) and inconsistent looking but for the price I can get past the looks. I dialed it up to 5 and slipped in a slice of Milton's whole grain bread. The results were great, it toasted evenly; however, I made the mistake of touching the toaster housing when reaching for the bread and literally BURNED MY HAND. The housing was dangerously hot! I don't remember reading this from any of the reviews so maybe I received a lemon.
Explanation: I don’t know about you but I prefer my toast not to be burnt so I figure this is a great chance for you to step out of your comfort zone and find a toaster that does it’s job properly and I think your date will probably agree with me.
Melvin Harris
Date Idea: Baltimore Ravens game
Review: Dear Baltimore Ravens: This is a sad day for me... I will be in mourning...I wrote and sent this to the Ravens..."You have stabbed me in the heart... I have been a die hard Ravens fan... I have even defended you against other teams.... I said... My Ravens won't do that!... and they did, the embarrassed me in front of another country even.. I am so ashamed... I and my family and most all of my friends will never go to or watch another Raven's game again...It's a damned shame to, I loved you all so... Nevermore....."
Explanation: Melvin is an underrated name in my opinion and as such there aren’t too many guys out there with the name. But one of my favorites is Melvin Gordon who is currently on the Baltimore Ravens and is why that is where your date should be.
CHICAGO BUTCHERS
Austin Morley
Date Idea: Magic’s Theater
Review: Cool cause I like magic
Explanation: The number one “thing to do” in Austin, Texas according to Trip Advisor Magic theater is your destination for all things magic, trickery, and illusions and a perfect place for the date you tricked to go with you in the first place!
Painted Penguin
Date Idea: African Penguin and Seabird Sanctuary
Review: 3 o'clock is lunch time
Explanation: Enjoy the sights and sounds of some amazing wildlife at the hands of the African Penguin and Seabird Sancuary where you are guaranteed to see some of these stupid dumb flightless birds.
Frank Dux
Date Idea: Listen to The Duck Song over and over and over again
Review: Let's be real, this duck is a master troll. Poked and prodded the man until he threatened the duck with glue, then tricked the man into admitting he actually had no glue. Proceeded to mentally break the man into finally buying grapes, only to really troll him one last time by saying "nah I actually want lemonade now" and just walk away. Absolute genius.
Explanation: The Duck Song is a top song of all time and no one can tell me otherwise. It is something you and your date can really bond over and will cherish forever if you really commit to learning every small detail about the song.
Joseph Reed
Date Idea: Danube Delta Tour
Review: Full of mosquitoes from 19:00 until 22:00. Extraordinary place to visit!
Explanation: The Danube Delta is home to the second biggest wetlands in the world. And one of the most populous places for Reeds (the plant) in the world which is why this place is for you! Take a tour on the beautiful Danube Delta River and you won’t be disappointed.
Rico Savage
Date Idea: Watch Macho Man Randy Savage Matches
Review: If my family were all like randy savage that would be pretty cool, or annoying, or both.
Explanation: Rico Savage is a musical artist but Macho Man Randy Savage was what came to mind first and is the clear winner for a great date. While he has unfortunately passed away his legacy lives on and watching some of his matches is sure to hit the spot.
Teenie Hodges
Date Idea: The Peace Maze
Review: Not happy went for a nice walk but got lost in there for three days, ended up having to eat someone to survive
Explanation: Instead of Teenie Hodges all I was thinking about were tiny hedges and that made me think about hedge mazes so here we are. You can bring your date into a hedge maze and keep them stuck there forever which offers plenty of bonding opportunities between the two of you and is sure to bring you closer together than ever before.
Heiiajs D. Owidhuse
Date Idea: Bing watch Loki
Review: Whoever thought this up is an absolute waste of human flesh. To depict Loki in such a manner is blasphemy. Although it is on par for the way Thor has been depicted. Humanity is no longer. I’m not sure what to call it. This is a pure shame!
Explanation: I must say Owidhuse, you are quite the interesting character. The origins of your name even trickier and once I learned how the name originated I become even more confused. So I felt that you would enjoy watching some trickery implemented by another character the Trickster god himself, Loki.
LeHarm James
Date Idea: Meet and Greet Lebron James
Review: “‘Taco Tuesday’ is a tradition that everyone should be able to celebrate. All restaurants, all families, all businesses — everybody,” James said in a press release. “‘Taco Tuesdays’ create opportunities that bring people together in so many ways, and it’s a celebration that nobody should own.”
Explanation: Not sure if it’s a good idea to let you be up close and personal with Lebron James but this is your opportunity to meet him. What’s a better way to spend a date than in a long line waiting to see the best basketball player in the modern era Lebron James. Surely he will give you the time of day and not brush you off in 5 seconds.
David Doug
Date Idea: Kola Superdeep Borehole
Review: Thank god they stopped... I wouldn’t want to see my ex crawling out.
Explanation: David Doug. No David dug. That’s better. David dug and because he dug, he dug so deep that he ended up digging all the way to China. Anyone else get told that as a child if you dug as deep as you could you would end up digging all the way to China? Just me? Ok well still the Kola Superdeep Borehole is the biggest hole in the world and I’m sure Doug would love to do some digging with a date over at the Borehole.
Jimmy Ryder
Date Idea: Hang Gliding
Review: Just drove by early this morning. Can not leave anything but a neutral comment.
Explanation: Hang Gliding always seemed to me one of the more dangerous versions of flying you can do even more so than skydiving honestly. But Jimmy Ryder I’m sure would love to ride and glide down across the beautiful countryside with a date hanging in the wings.
Jake Jefferson
Date Idea: Thomas Jefferson Memorial
Review: Not realistic. Thomas Jefferson was NOT made out of stone. He was made of flesh and red stuff
Explanation: Yes Thomas Jefferson wasn’t a great person but pushing that aside he was one of the founding fathers and is on the currency of the US so he was a key member of creating and building the foundation of the US for better or worse and it is important to learn about history and the faults and strengths of the leaders that got us to today.
Aleksandar Ković
Date Idea: Meet and greet Nikola Jokic
Review: They didn't believe in the fat boy. It seems like it worked out. Don't bet against the fat boy.
Explanation: Kovic - Jokic. I know it’s a stretch but my mind is slowly melting and that is what came to mind first so that’s what it is going to have to be. And by all accounts, he is a wonderful individual so I’m sure you and your date will have a lovely time meeting and greeting this gentle giant.
Brian Duke
Date Idea: Attend Duke
Review: it was ok. i mean i didnt go to class but yea its cool I guess. i also failed my comp sci class so I have to take another semester.
Explanation: Duke is one of the most storied basketball colleges in college basketball so by attending the school you have set yourself up for some high quality basketball content that you and your partner can enjoy to your hearts content. There’s plenty of other stuff to do as well like…. Anyways yeah Duke that’s the place to be.
Faust Leercor
Date Idea: La Croix taste test
Review: This tastes like hairspray in my honest opinion. The smell is the only interesting thing about it. Please don’t believe the hype, save your money or buy a more flavorful sparkling water!
Explanation: Leercor I guess is probably closer to liquor than La Croix but I already typed it in so it is too late now. And who knows maybe the Le Crois will get you drunk anyways. There’s plenty of options to choose from so I’m sure you and your partner will find one that you like. Just got to keep on digging.
Bill Cravy
Date Idea: Thanksgiving Dinner
Review (canned gravy): I normally make my own gravy, but I bought this because my kids watch a YouTuber who uses it in her dishes. It was absolutely disgusting. Taste like dog food. Yes, I know what dog food taste like. My brother fed it to me when we were little. When I taste this gravy it instantly reminded of that day my brother made me a “pie” which was just dog food covered in whipped cream. It did arrive in perfect conditions….. so there’s that.
Explanation: Can’t have a good Thanksgiving dinner without some mashed potatoes and gravy! Thanksgiving has recently risen the ranks of holidays in my eyes and I’m currently quite hungry so it has been on my mind all morning. But either way, Thanksgiving dinner will surely bond you to your date or break your relationship forever! It’s the ultimate stress test.
Rumble Ronson
Date Idea: Watch Rumble
Review: 25 minutes into it to see the bigest failure in animation history stupid voices caracters and so on ,as some said no proper animation just cheap anmation.
Explanation: Apparently there is an animated movie called Rumble so that’s what you will be watching with your date. It’s about a monster wrestling ring which is certainly an interesting premise. It’s fun for the whole family as well so besides date night it can also act as family night if you’d like instead.
Action Bronson
Date Idea: See Action Bronson in concert
Review: Action Bronson sucks at cooking. Dude is like a lower mid-level gastropub cook. 85 percent of the food he makes is sandwiches. On the New Zealand episode he makes a clusterfuck of a bagel with like 15 different toppings on it. He also makes a coconut ceviche, then procedes to top it with bigass orange supremes that have both residual pith and peel still on them. He acts like a stoner little brother, always farting and burping in public. I’ve never seen him wash his hands and he never wears gloves when touching food. He’s always got a smelly-looking cast on his right hand, that for sure has some potato chips stuck in there.
Explanation: If you are the real Action Bronson then you should probably bring your date to one of your concerts. If you are not Action Bronson you should probably bring your date to one of his concerts. As an uncultured person I had no idea who this guy is but with a mixtape like “Bon Appetit…. Bitch!!!!” I’m sure he sings great love songs.
Edit: So I looked more into him and he’s also a chef which would explain the mixtape label….carry on.
Kaguya Shinomiya
Date Idea: Binge watch “Kaguya-sama: Love Is War”
Review: Kaguya: Love is War is the product of training a GPT-3† model on the corpus of anime and manga, then asking it to generate two of the most basic tsundere (Kaguya and Miyuki) characters available and a deredere (Chika) character. These characters can never act like real people or else the only thread holding the plot together, that both Miyuki and Kaguya are too prideful to admit they like the other, would immediately collapse. Chika, effectively an agent of chaos, is Schrödinger's idiot: she is simultaneously an expert and utterly incompetent at reading emotions and superficially dumb while being an expert in many things.
Explanation: I am learning more about the world than ever before. I thought I was really going to have to dig for something to do here but apparently this is some kind of anime so it’s time to binge watch the series with your date!
COLORADO YETI
Mister Hogmally
Date Idea: Monopoly
Review: Unless the alternative game is to poke yourself in the eye with a fork .... play something else ... and even then ... :-)
Explanation: Mister Hogmally has quite the interesting backstories and there were plenty of twists and turns I could have gone with to choose from as far as what to do on a date but I chose Monopoly as it felt most like the original Hogmally with the monocle and the tux it just seemed to make sense. Just don’t get angry. It’s just a game.
Waylen Greene
Date Idea: Movie Night watching Mean Girls
Review: my age? NOT relevant. whats relevant is how is how this movie was created and made me SO ANGRY!!!! GRRRRRRRR!!!! my children cried watching this and i absolutely AGREE. one night i screamed so loud i turned into a dog and growled a lot grrr.............hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jwahahhahaahahahhahaah this is NOT OK I NEED TO PEE. I NEED THE WIZZA.
Explanation: Congrats on being cast in the movie Mean Girls! This should be celebrated by meticulously pointing out every small detail to your partner on date night because I hear dates love it when people do that.
NCADV RAINN
Date Idea: Respectful dinner
Review: Huge props for doing what you're doing NCADV. At first when I searched the name I wasn’t sure it was the correct thing but after reading your wiki I’ve got a ton of respect for what you're trying to do spreading awareness about domestic abuse and sexual assault.
Explanation: Everyone deserves relationships free from domestic violence. When you're ready, we're here to listen with confidential support 24/7/365: 1-800-799-SAFE - National Domestic Violence Hotline
Remi Musgrave-Smythe
Date Idea: Visit the Tower of London
Review: Wanted to visit the Tower of London, but one of the Lions has LEAFS in his mane. We thought: thats kinda inacceptable. So we left immediately. Just one Star. Never again!!
Explanation: Remi has quite a rich history as a part of the royal family so I figure what better way to show off that wealth than show off where a prophecy was foretold about his incoming legacy as an amazing athlete.
Savathûn T. Witchqueen
Date Idea: Visit Salem
Review (Salem Witch museum): Spirits of those condemned are still around proving their innocence. That is except one. Its a black mass that I caught out of the corner of my eye. It will try to lure you, so be careful. If it gets inside you, you could take it home, so be careful what you ask for.
Explanation: This may be counter intuitive considering many a witch were burned here but that is gone and in the past and I feel like now they have come full circle and started celebrating witches so I think it will be safe for the Witchqueen to enter Salem with a partner and not feel like she doesn’t belong.
- Cross-Eriksen
Date Idea: Visit Leif Erikson Park
Review: I wasent trying to go for a swim today..
Explanation: Not really sure why Leif Erikson came to mind but i suppose it is close to your last name so it still applies here. And from what I have read it is a wonderful park and garden and even has a playground for you and your date to enjoy!
Aidan Hutchinson Jr.
Date Idea: University of Michigan game
Review: I've heard of the big house my entire life so I had to stop by while in the area. I was not disappointed the first thing you see is the giant M above the stadium, I was not prepared for that, that thing is huge.
Explanation: Following in your fathers footsteps and going to Michigan is a wonderful idea and I’m glad you were able to relive the dreams he had before you. So why not relive your own dreams and return to the stadium that gave you a name in the first place. Think of all the stories you can tell your date as you refuse to pay attention to them while watching the game.
Wolfie McDummy Jr.
Date Idea: Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race
Review: Lots of barking dogs. Standing around for the next dogs to pass by. For me, it was boring. Why do I keep going?
Explanation: Wouldn’t it be fun to see all your pals from when you were young racing their hearts out for ultimate glory? I think so at least.
Mary Marie
Date Idea: Mary Marie Movie Night
Review: Strange children in a adults' bodies
Explanation: Never seen it. Never heard of it. Apparently, it’s a very average movie. But you got to watch it. It’s the law. I don’t make the rules I just enforce the rules.
Orlando Doom
Date Idea: Lord of the Rings Movie Night
Review: Now THIS is a funny movie. I'll be honest, this was probably just not for me and I don't get the hype, but this movie kinda sucks. Like, really sucks. It is very long and very boring, and I think I fell asleep for part of it. When Gandalf and Saruman fight, nothing cool happens, they just slide around on a wet floor.
Explanation: Want to find an easy way to fall asleep watching a really good movie? Lord of the Rings is the movie of choice. Rich in characters, story, and more but so incredibly long that it is incredibly hard to get through. Orlando Bloom as Legolas is a treat but at what cost are you willing to watch it and him?
Malik Brooks
Date Idea: Malik Movie Night
Review: The food was good, but the driver entered my bk garden, and now one of our rabbits is lost, and probably dead now, they need to come to my front door, never the bk, my son is heartbroken
Explanation: This is apparently a very strong and powerful movie about political and police corruption so be prepared for some very dense, intense discussions on your date. But it seems like people thoroughly enjoyed it so it will at the very least keep your attention and I’m sure you will learn something as well.
Grayson Yates
Date Idea: Bucks game
Review (Regarding Grayson Allen): His facial features are arranged in such a fashion that it gives one the desire to see a fist hypothetically move toward its surface with sufficient speed.
Explanation: Man I hate Grayson Allen. With that being said he is controversially one of the most popular Grayson’s out there and if you ignore him you might actually be able to see some good basketball being played.
Erwin Kemp
Date Idea: Kemps Ice Cream Taste Test
Review: Perfect addition to a warm cookie or brownie for dessert or as a base for building your ultimate sundae!
Explanation: Ice cream is an all time great desert because there are so many different combinations that work. So with a name like Kemp I knew what must be done. There are 52 different flavors according to google to try which is plenty to have a grand old time on date night and sure to bring out controvercial opinions that will test the ties of the relationship.
Synystyr Gates
Date Idea: Attend an Avenged Sevenfold Concert
Review: in 2023, having a zero out of 10 is actually better than anything you could ask for, because people are talking, and it's a weird society we live in at this point.
Explanation: To be ranked #9 guitarist in the world is an impressive feat so congratulations to you. I’m sure your date would love the classic “rock and roll” lifestyle that comes with always being on the road as an artist. I was going to go into deeper detail but I think I’m going to stop there for my own good.
Federico Americano
Date Idea: Starbucks
Review: Asked for FREAKING DECAF!!!!!!!!!!! Its a simply gosh dang request!!! At friken 4pm in the friken afternoon!!!! When u guys werent that busy!!!!!!!!!!!!! didnt get friken decaf, got three hrs of sleep that night.....three whole friken hrs. I sat in my bed for who knows how friken long till i fell asleep at friken 4:35am in the gosh dang morning!!!!! I had to get up at 7frikenAM Needless to say, You guys suck. >
Explanation: I will not elaborate. I will not pass go. I will not collect 200. Straight to a coffee date for you. I hope you enjoy your Americano.
Nathan Explosion
Date Idea: Watch The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show on repeat
Review: I can only assume that the proper script was lost or stolen so they had to put out this tripe. A very poor episode of a great TV show.
Explanation: I was originally going to choose some crazy fireworks show under the lights maybe in Vegas but then I stumbled upon this gem and couldn’t pass it up and neither can you! It will warm your heart and bring you to tears as you laugh your way through a wonderful Parks and Rec Episode.
National Treasure
Date Idea: National Treasure Movie Night
Review: After sitting through this pile of dung, my husband and I wondered whether it was actually the product of an experiment to see whether a computer program could produce a movie. It was that listless and formulaic.
Explanation: Well this was an easy choice. National Treasure is a decent movie so being named after such a movie isn’t so bad. At least I would assume that is why you would be named this way. If not then I have no idea why you would be named like this. Also impressive that your last name is Treasure in the first place.
RE #38
Date Idea: Play Madden 23
Review: I've seen better effort, story, mechanics, features, graphics, soundtracks, and actors in porn.
Explanation: It seems that Re #38 may be stuck in some kind of alternate universe. While his thoughts may be in this world able to communicate what is happening, the rest of him is in a whole different dimension which is why I would suggest #38 play Madden 23. I heard there are other football sims out there but I think this one really shows the dangers of the sim world.
Bong Stevens
Date Idea: The Club
Review (Hakkasan, Las Vegas): The DJ is straight trash!! I went March, 10 2022 and all he played was PG 13 songs, worst DJ I have ever listen to. I rather hear a dog cry than his beats!! Please never ever use that DJ ever again!
Explanation: For legal reasons I am going to restrain myself from recommending any drug use or otherwise. However hypothetically if you were to be partaking in “bonging” as the kids say these days I’m sure you can find it at a number of clubs throughout the US. And as long as you partake responsibly I have no quarrels. IF you are looking for a more relaxing time then just chilling at your place of residence just you and your date is also an option.
Brock Landers Jr.
Date Idea: KFC Dinner Date
Review: this is NOT finger licking good. in fact, after touching the chicken with my fingers, i wanted to throw my fingers away. the last thing i wanted to do was lick them.
Explanation: There were quite a few interesting results when I searched this name highlighting the top of that list is a pornographic film. I will not be formely suggesting this film but I guess it could probably get you in the right mood. I am suggesting KFC though because evertime I hear Landers it makes me think of Colonel Sanders.
Marco Steele
Date Idea: Watch Marco Polo series
Review: I am awesome. I have awesome life. Therefore I tend to watch few awesome shows. Suits, Mr.Robot just to name a few, awesome. I love history. History is awesome. Genghis Khan, is awesome. Marco the Hobo ruined it.Cheesy acting, cheesy lines, how the hell did Netflix decide it was awesome to renew it for second season.
Explanation: Marco Polo is a perfect mesh of your first and last name. He obviously takes your first name but the second name is just as important as he literally steals every single spec of land in his path. The series is also really good apparently so I’m sure it will actually be an enjoyable watch.
Matthew Fryars
Date Idea: Thrashers French Fries
Review: Found a dead fly at the bottom of my cup of fries. So disgusting, made me want to vomit. Also, very overpriced for a cup of fries, won’t even give you ketchup, like normal people eat with their fries. Come here if you want a garnish of dead flies in lieu of ketchup.
Explanation: There are better options but all I can think about are fries right now. And I’m sure your date wouldn’t be disappointed with going to a fry place on a date. Maybe you can pair it with some kind of movie. Instead of eating popcorn you can eat fries from the same bucket instead.
Rab Thecrab
Date Idea: Read Rab The Rainbow Crab
Review: No review. Seems like a good book with a nice message
Explanation: I had to think long and hard about this one. Not because it was hard to find information about the name but because I was trying to figure out if I wanted to include a place that serves crabs, cages crabs, or something else. With that being said Rab the crab is from a book so that made my eventual answer a lot easier. But for some reason “rab the crab” is also a term for a fart? So This one is kind of all over the place.
Cedric Wilkins II
Date Idea: Meet Cedric Wilson Jr.
Review: Tall with a thin frame that lacks muscular chest. —Press corners disrupt his release and force him off of his plan easily. —Slow back foot out of stance that leaves him tardy on timing routes. —When rushed, his athleticism declines and balance becomes an issue down the field.
Explanation: Have you ever met Cedric Wilson Jr. because you have shockingly close names without actually having the same names? It’s quite impressive and why I think it would be a good idea to meet him to make sure you aren’t related to him. You can drag your date along too I’m sure they will want to know if you two are related as well.
Looking for the remaining three teams? Don't worry I didn't forget about them my computer is nearly crashing so I'm putting them in article #2 be on the lookout for that to view the Cape Town Crash, Sarasota Sailfish, and Yellknife Wraiths rosters dating locations based on their player names!
Contrary to popular belief kickers do get dates. In fact, I can’t even count them on my fingers! How is this related to the ISFL you are asking yourself? Well as important as it is to have a good happy team on the field it is also good to have a good happy team off the field which is why I am here providing ideas for when you go on a date so that you don’t have to worry about stressing trying to find some fancy restaurant or some hit new show that you will both like. Leave the stress for the field. Leave the relaxation and fun to me.
I want to get out in front of everything and say no, I do not want to date any of you. However, as the ISFL draft is fast approaching (kind of but not really) I thought it would be nice to give you a little piece of what you can expect from me as a teammate. I am a loving, caring, compassionate team player that puts the team first. And to showcase this I wanted to show each and every one of you where you should take your date based on your name.
You may be confused but when you see it in action it will all make sense. To help you understand how GREAT of a date it will be I also threw in a review of the place/thing to really drive home how much fun it will really be and how much thought I put into researching said wonderful date even though I swore off reviews after the Mcdonalds incident.... Anyways, without further ado let's get this show on the road starting with the Baltimore Hawks.
BALTIMORE HAWKS
Rocky Moreaux
Date Idea: Rocky Movie Marathon
Review (Rocky): Very beautiful movie. Very recommened to kids I learnt very much english from movie watching.
Explanation: With a name like Rocky you left me very few options other than the Rocky movies themselves. And if you and your date are feeling really up for it you could go into the Creed trilogy as well. So many options here and if you don’t know English this movie is for you!
Preston Beatz
Date Idea: Dr. Dre Studio Tour
Review (Beats by Dre Wireless headphones) : These corded, (cordless WASNT out yet), mine, were glossy blk w/ the RED b’s on the ears!!! Not white. Ok ?? got em- EVERYTHINGS FAMOUS!!!!!! It’s Christmas!!! Family’s in town!!! Stories by the fire, nieces nephews…so all was wonderful at this moment…THEN ! I open what I’d been waiting for, FOREVER!!!! MY BEATS BY DRE! Ok, these- color??? When I received your mom there weren’t any hot pink or yellow or blue or even multicolored much less really multicolored if they didn’t even have different colors then only black or red or the mixture of both, OR GREY! OK, Of course me being a young woman I’m wanting a girly girl sky blue like my favorite color may be hot pink something like that earphones OK well these did very very great for about a year and a half now this is leaving them out and just clunking them on my bed table and not even putting them back in to their little zipper holder and folding them up first and then putting em back in the little zipper holder!!??????? Ok, I looooved the sound- the #QUALITY was PRIMO!!!!!!!
Explanation: The well-known brand that swept the nation Beats by Dre monopolized the market for a short time before other major companies swooped in and capitalized on the idea created by Dr. Dre but Dre is more than a label on a brand he is a producer and an artist so take a trip to his studio and who knows what you might see! And I think the review speaks for itself as long as you can read teenage girl text.
Charles Chapman
Date Idea: Chaplin’s World
Review (Chaplin’s World): U can c Charli Chaplin from very close n c his plc . Everything feels real ......must visit
Explanation: With a name like Charles Chapman the only possible thing we could be doing is doing something Charlie Chaplin related so it’s off to Switzerland to view the life and history of Charlie Chaplin along with watching his famous movies. And based on the reviews it seems like you can get up close and personal with him which will be a cool experience as well!
Jake Williams
Date Idea: Bearizona Wildlife Park
Review: SO much fun!! 1000% recommend! We were face to glass to face with both of the jaguars. Amazing. Biggest gift shop ever. Great food and the live show on the lawn was incredible and super educational!
Explanation: You are probably asking yourself how Bearizona is related to Jake Williams at all. Well, weary traveler let me explain. With such a generic name I did a little digging and found the city of Williams, Arizona and in Williams, Arizona is this crazy wild place called Bearizona. With a name like that surely it can’t be a bad place to go. Plus, you can be face to glass to face with animals!
Kumquat Archipelago
Date Idea: Florida Keys
Review: Cannot find any of the FL. Keys except key west on this map.
Explanation: Combining both first and last names and we get a trip to the Florida Keys where there is plenty to do. If you love the ocean then the Florida Keys is the place for you. Mix in a little Kumquat here and a Kumquat there and you got yourself a bangin' good time! The only downside is the islands may be sinking (at least according to the reviewer's map)
Shane Turnbull
Date Idea: Running of the Bulls
Review: Final, sadness, joy
Explanation: The second I saw that last name I knew what had to be done. Hearing about it from others and seeing videos online has piqued my interest. Sure it might be dangerous but can’t have a little fun if you don’t put yourself out there. And I understand the negatives of the running of the bulls and bullfighting as does this reviewer and it most certainly isn’t for everyone but it is a fascinating cultural phenomenon for sure.
Sledge Hammer
Date Idea: Rage Room
Review: Difficult to locate (basement of driving school) so it seemed sketch but the experience was cool. Wonderful to have a place to safely project yourself, emotions, hardships, etc. Hell of a workout too. Sledgehammer is definitely my favorite to wield. Oh and my suit was broken, didn't like that. Zipper was unusable and only two buttons which popped open. If you are germ aware, I'd suggest bringing your own gear! Gloves, head mask, and face mask (you will inhale the particles in the air).
Explanation: Sledge Hammer I have the perfect place for you. Introducing Rage Room where you get to smash and destroy stuff for fun! It has recently become all the rage (see what I did there) and is a great way to vent your frustration when you aren’t on the field!
Ceti Pyxis
Date Idea: Stargazing (Explora Atacama)
Review (Hotel nearby): Beautiful oasis! I really have to give the housekeeping staff incredible reviews. Everything we returned to our room, the bed was neatly made. But most incredible was a brand new roll of toilet paper. It was kind of odd that they didn't leave us our partially "used" reduced roll and left us a back up.
Explanation: For the uninformed Explora Atacama in Chile is one of the best spots to stargaze in the world. And I will admit finding a proper date for Ceti Pyxis wasn’t easy but when I found out about the Pyxis constellation I knew what must be done.
MC Hammer
Date Idea: Meet and greet MC Hammer
Review (U can’t touch this song): Back when you had to work hard on finding a riff to steal in order to become a cultural phenomenon. Make several millions dollars, and promptly go bankrupt leveraging an over-inflated ego that's not buoyed by any talent. Instead of today's lazy youth who use computers to write their songs, and crummy youtube videos to become stars. Ah... the good ole days....
Explanation: I’m hoping that this MC Hammer isn’t THE MC Hammer otherwise I’m kind of digging myself into a hole with this one. But how cool would it be to meet your idol and the person you are named after? Unless you are THE MC Hammer in which case you can go to a nice restaurant or something for the date.
Bruce Buckley Jr.
Date Idea: Fright Factory Haunted House
Review: It was not really spooky, but the food tasted pretty good. The arm tasted nice, pretty sweet as hell.
Explanation: We are heading to Buckley, Washington for a haunted house experience. I will be honest this is more for me than for you because I love me a good haunted house and this one seems to pass the test as far as fear and fun factor in Buckley.
Antoine Winfied Jr.
Date Idea: Game Night
Review (Call of Duty Warzone): my dog became racist and bit my balls five stars. (I do not condone this review but I had to include it)
Explanation: Seems pretty straightforward and that’s because it is. Interesting transition from the NFL to the ISFL but I’m not going to argue. According to social media you’ve done some gaming on twitch so I figured it would be a good idea to play some COD for your date because that is what everyone likes to see in a man these days. Someone that can beat a 9 year old kid on Call of Duty
Bengal Tigerheart
Date Idea: Ranthambore National Park
Review: You have to visit here before you die. The whole place is wonderful, full of wildlife and with the added bonus of Tigers!!!! We saw three on 3 game drives.
Explanation: I think a tiger tour sounds terrifyingly fun and apparently this National Park has some of the most accessible tigers in the world. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing I’m not so sure.
Mabel Pines
Date Idea: Boring, Oregon
Review (North American Bigfoot Center): Believer or non believer, you've gotta stop and take in this place. Stopped due to knowledge of boring and it's connection to gravity falls, took the tour and got some swag... The truth is out there
Explanation: Welcome to the material world Mabel Pines. To celebrate you being in the real world I decided a good location would be to head over to a place that is very similar to Gravity Falls, Boring Oregon.
Casino Robin
Date Idea: Wynn Las Vegas
Review: Avoid the Wynn Las Vegas roulette tables. Just played the $25min table… and coincidentally had the house win twice in a row on green. Never seen this before in my gambling career. Play elsewhere. Unfortunately we’re staying at this resort for the weekend so now we have to gamble.
Explanation: While your date is busy losing money I figure you could take the opportunity to rob the #1 revenue-earning casino in Vegas.
Wälter Gunther
Date Idea: Wrestlemania
Review (Gunther): He's boring as fuck. And very overrated. Not to mention he doesn't look the least bit intimidating. His promos are pure trash. When K.O. threw shade at his imperium goofs by saying kaiserroll says "general" weird I burst out laughing. Because he's so correct. And I HATE that stupid fucking parade rest pose they do. If they're trying to look military with it it's a major fail. Fuck gunther and his boring ass group.
Explanation: Well Mr. Gunther I am honored to be in your presence and a free trip to Wrestlemania awaits you my friend! Not that you would need my help or anything but I figure I’d help you out.
Jay Money
Date Idea: Fort Knox
Review: I was able to steal 300 million dollars worth of gold by putting it in my shirt and saying I was pregnant. I am a male. Step up your security and ill give you 5 stars.
Explanation: What better spot to go with a guy like Jay Money than where the US keeps the majority of it’s gold reserve? Bonus for apparent easy access to stealing it too!
Bourtol Halcomsby
Date Idea: Camping in France
Review (Camping L'ARIZE en Ariège): staff not honest…scammed me for 5 euros. Shame…
Explanation: Quite the peculiar name proved tough to find a good idea but Bourtol does exist in France so that’s where you are heading. This camping stop looks more like a nice resort than a camping location so I’m sure it will be very comfortable.
Demarius Cook
Date Idea: Cooking Lessons
Review (Langlois Culinary Crossroads): The Crepes were not only fun to make, they were delicious. As for the Crepe toss competition, I believe it is going to take off and it will ultimately become an Olympic sport.
Explanation: Let Demarius cook. And that is what my plan is. As you get a chance to learn from the best chefs that the world has to offer along with your plus 1! You can finally stop cooking ramen for every meal!
Yummy HotDogPie
Date Idea: Happy Dog
Review: The atmosphere is a cool vibe. Its a place you go when your drunk or about to get drunk. As a sober consumer its not worth the money. The food portion doesn't match the price tag. But if your intoxicated its the best thing in the world. It gives me a bar with a high-school concessions stand in the back, Nothing special.
Explanation: Apparently Cleveland, Ohio is home to one of the best hot dog joints in the US. Happy Dog is the place to go to get a good Hotdog. And I guess you can stop somewhere to pick up a pie for a little treat for your date as well if so desired
Luigi Numberone
Date Idea: Super Nintendo World @Universal Studios Hollywood
Review: A goomba muscled me out of some coins, but I went all tanooki on him and saved the princess. Only now do I realize how high-maintenance she is! :O
Explanation: I agree Luigi is number one or at least better than Mario so in honor of that you are taking a trip to the newly opened Super Nintendo World.
Bubba Chubb
Date Idea: Bubba Gump Restaurant
Review: Bubba Gump’s has become a joke. The wait staff are wondering around like living brain donor’s. The food is cold, service atrocious and it is completely overpriced along with a completely filthy environment. Stay away call the health department!!
Explanation: The classic and world-renowned Bubba Gump Shrimp Company is a must so with a first name Bubba it was the first thing I thought of. Even as someone that doesn’t like seafood the place is too good to pass up. I mean just look at this raving review by this patron.
Mike Makmur
Date Idea: Kennedy Space Center
Review: I went 11 years ago, there was a priest who seemed very sick, he was fighting a japanese girl and a weird androgynous man with pink hair, there also was a 10 year old with a baseball suit, all the experience was very bizarre
Explanation: I’m going to be honest Mike, when I put your name into a search engine I did not expect an actual person to show up so excuse me if this seems to be me stalking you because that was not my intention. With that being said you seem like a smart fellow and the Kennedy Space Center seems right up your alley.
BERLIN FIRE SALAMANDERS
Charlie Thorsen
Date Idea: Charlie Thorne Book-A-Thon
Review (Charlie Thorne and the Last Equation): A great book about a kid who doesn’t like to read to give to a kid who doesn’t like to read . Sadly he has to because this is required summer reading for school
Explanation: I know not the most glamorous of ideas but the books seem genuinely interesting and could make for a fun book club-esque read so this is what I propose to you, Charlie Thorsen.
Nathan Meagher
Date Idea: Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs Restaurant
Review: Picture this: an adventure to Nathan's Famous that's just as thrilling as a ride on Deno's Wonder Wheel Park, but with a twist that had my eyebrows raising faster than a roller coaster drop. And what an adventure it was! As I savored the perfectly cooked chili dogs, fried chicken, and bacon that Nathan's Famous has become renowned for, I couldn't help but reflect on an encounter that left me gobsmacked.
Explanation: I did no research into the name because as soon as I saw Nathan I knew what had to be done. The popular eating competition sponsor is a perfect spot to eat to your heart's content.
Laszlo Forty-Two
Date Idea: Camp Lazlo Watch-A-Thon
Review: lazlo is my number one momkey.
Explanation: I’ve never heard of this show before but with the premise of “an anthropomorphic spider monkey” becoming a boy scout how could it possibly be bad? And with 58 episodes over 5 seasons it seems like it was fairly decent.
Sconnie McSix
Date Idea: Largest McDonalds in the US
Review: Is this McDonald’s or Hell on earth? I am definitely not McLovin it!!! I felt like a McKaren waiting getting saucy and extra spicey with each 20 minute duration that passed. I stood in line for my over 55 min waiting only because my kids were hangry. So when I received my order snd finally sat down, my french fries were hard as a rock and stale my cheeseburger was nasty and half cooked which had pickles, mustard, onions all the things I didn’t want on it ….. I couldn’t stand in line to get a refund, so I’m calling corporate in the morning because the line was insanity.!!!
Explanation: Going back to my roots with this one but we head to Florida where the biggest Mcdonald's is. A giant play place, arcade games and more this is more of a chuck-e-cheese than a McDonald's. And I’m sure you can get a McSix here to.
Diggs Sideline-touchdown
Date Idea: US Bank Stadium Tour
Review: Supposed to look like a ship? Maybe switch out one letter and it would be accurate! Well, at least it isn't the old "collapsible" Rollerdome!
Explanation: Your parents must be from the future if you have a name like that oh wait we are in the future nevermind carry on. But a tour of where that iconic play took place is a fitting place to take any date.
Roque Santa Cruz
Date Idea: Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk
Review: Too much sand on the beach. I went on the beach expecting a little sand but there was WAY TOO MUCH it was everywhere and I got it all in my buns. Overall fun experience just too much sand for my liking
Explanation: Making it easy for me with this one. Where else would Roque Santa Cruz go but Santa Cruz?! And the boardwalk sure is a nice place to bring anyone on a date if you are looking for a grab bag of activities.
Jordan Hartline
Date Idea: Premier League Soccer (Football) Match
Review (soccer subreddit): Fuck off: Manchester United, you glory hunting, self-righteous, arrogant cuntwagons. It's been fucking fantastic watching you falter. I used to work at Old Trafford as a waiter and the fucking bullshit propaganda shoved down your throat was ridiculous. It made it seem as if you were the biggest club that's ever existed ever - not one mention of your time in the second division. Fucking milked the fact that one single bomb got dropped on you during the war also. Fuck off. Coventry was anilhated, so was Birmingham, you don't see them claiming that shit do you? Also the milking of the Munich disaster (disclaimer, I think it was terrible also. any loss of life is unacceptable and totally tragic). Fucking commercialising that shit as much as possible. And also, fuck off with your bullshit towards Man City about them spending money. You've broken the British transfer record more than any other club you bunch of fuckwits. Look at this transfer window for fucks sake.
Leicester - Just fuck off. Shit place, shit stadium, somehow got massive financial backing, some fat cunt with a drum being a dickhead all game. Also, what the fuck is the fox hunting horn thing being blown at the start of the game about? Surely that means that the foxes (ie, Leicester) are about to be hunted? Fucking silly mug cunts.
Aston Villa - Fuck off. Such a family club. Golf clap every goal. No atmosphere. Sense of self entitlement too. Nice ground though.
Norwich - Fuck off. Who gives a shit. Tiny club.
Real Madrid - Francos team. Fuck you you Fascist twats. Santiago Bernabaue was a huge self confessed Fascist and your stadium is named after him. And all you money bullshit. Just fuck off. And Sergio Ramos, he's a grease infused cunt and all. And Pepe, what a fucking bowling ball cunt. Marcelo, fucking shitshow bob. What the fuck is he about. Go fuck off with Robinho. Also CRONALDO OMFGGG CR7777 fuck all that shit.
Chelsea - What the fuck. Money Money Money, John Terry the fucking bellend fucking everyones missus, Frank Lampard reckons hes the shit cos he got 2 GCSEs at B level the dickhead, Ashley Cole managed to actually be quite good despite vomiting in taxis like a cunt and also cheating on his unbelievably hot missus and trying to get the slag who he did it with to sign some disclaimer bullshit. Class A Cunt. Also fuck Abromivich. Absolute Yacht Wanker.
Hull - What the fuck are you even doing. Your city is shit. Your colours are shit. Your name is shit. Your stadium is shit. You are the biggest shitclub that exists. How the fuck have you just signed Ben Arfa you bunch of shitcunts.
Explanation: Jordan’s entire life revolves around football. Literally, everything I have read related to this man has something to do with football so with that being said I have decided to show him another version of football, the rest of the world's version and see how he likes it.
GOAT TANNK
Date Idea: Visiting Mostyn Moorcock
Review (Goat Simuator Game): i'm a goat irl and this is an accurate representation of my people
Explanation: Who is Mostyn Moorcock you are asking? Moorcock is the biggest most built goat in the entire world so I thought it would be a good idea for the Goat Tannk to meet another Goat Tank. Also can play goat simulator which is the goat tank of the video game world
Armor Queen
Date Idea: Drive a tank (Kerosota MN)
Review (Drive A Tank): Wow.. I drove a tank.
Explanation: The Challenger 2 (according to the first search on google) has the toughest armor of any tank so a date in a tank sounds romantic does it not? Plus on a tank ride, they may even let you shoot something.
Kevin McThumper
Date Idea: Bambi movie night
Review: There is a lot of sex and I love it (I’m not sure this person saw the same movie that I saw)
Explanation: An old classic of a movie and no other option considering having thumper in the name. I haven’t watched Bambi in a long time but it is a timeless movie that anyone at anytime would enjoy.
Really Creative-Name
Date Idea: Read Baby Names book
Review: There is a reason this book contains 100,001 names - most of them are things you would never dream of calling your child and are basically just filler. I'm sorry, but Fluffy? Cactus? Camera? I could just as easily name my baby by pointing at inanimate objects in my living room. The chapters that give tips on choosing names are interesting, but overall I'm very disappointed and think this book was a waste of money.
Explanation: As much as you think your name may be good I have news for you; there are plenty of better options out there. So I have taken it upon myself to set up a book club event to discuss The Complete Book of Baby Names: The Most Names (100,001+), Most Unique Names, Most Idea-Generating Lists (600+) and the Most Help to Find the Perfect Name. I mean with a book name like that they have to have all sorts of wonderful ideas to help you out.
Clint Mustache
Date Idea: Visit Deadwood
Review (Deadwood tv show): in this BS TV show they can die just one stab
Explanation: the first thing that came to mind with this combination of names is the wild wild west. And Deadwood is a great location that culminates all of those feelings of that era in one place.
Pete Zuh
Date Idea: Pizza Hut
Review: LITERALLY CALLED 6 TIMES AND THEY KEEP PUTTING ME ON HOLD. I CAN SEE FROM MY GAS IM THE GAS STATION ACROSS THE STREET THAT THEY ARE NOT BUSY NOT SURE WHO IS RUNNING THIS LOCATION BUT THIS IS UN ACCEPTABLE.
Explanation: I don’t think I need to explain this one.
Fred Edison
Date Idea: Thomas Edison National Historical Park
Review: Closed due to inclement weather. Like the rain will melt the house or something.
Explanation: With a last name like Edison there is only one genius that comes to mind. Sure he may have stolen a few inventions but you can’t deny he was a pretty smart guy. I’m sure this would be an exciting trip to bring any date on.
Tae Dawson
Date Idea: Rusty Duck Bar and Grill
Review: The BEST PLACE TO GOSSIP, GOSSIP AND BACKSTAB!!!!!!
UNBELIEVABLE....OH WAIT PAR FOR THE COURSE...ITS DAWSON
Explanation: I didn’t know where to take this one Tae Dawson not much out there related to the name and the associated city is less than eventful but I guess you are going to have to make it work anyways.
Emile Charles
Date Idea: Viewing Charles Émile Hippolyte Lecomte artwork
Review (museo Calvet): Plastic pots in the garden with thirsty orange trees, outrageous in such a place. Where are the anduze jars??
Explanation: Emile Charles meet Charlies Emile, an oriental french painter from the late 1800’s that is sure to impress with such artwork such as “Zouave Saving a Child from a Burning Church” and “REBECCA AT THE WELL”
Nick Williams
Date Idea: Hanwha Eagles game
Review: The away cheerleader statue was made temporarily, demolished, and repeatedly.
Regardless of the airborne in the area where the expedition fans are concentrated, the sound of the drum that has no meaning and does not respond is repeated through the speaker, making it deafening. As of May 22, cheering during defense was prohibited and pitcher support was ordered, but meaningless sabotage during uncivilized defense is very serious.
Explanation: Nick Williams you already play for the Eagles so figured I’d just help you out and suggest a date there. Maybe rent out the stadium for a night or something I don’t know seems like a good idea to me.
Zayne Dangle
Date Idea: Bojangles
Review: Not only in the place disgusting the lady at the drive through is mean. We dont got no mayo!!!!! We dont got no ketchup!!!!! So i ask for honey mustard just to have something to dip this dry sandwich that they didnt put no mayo on and she wants to charge me for it.
Explanation: Zayne Dangle reminds me of Bojangles so it looks like that is the place to take your date. I’ve never had Bojangles myself but I’m sure it tastes good enough to bring a date on. Fast food is all the craze these days anyways.
Known Acquaintance
Date Idea: Rent-A-Friend
Review: Wtf is rent a friend? It sounds pathetic.
Explanation: This may seem like an odd choice for a date but what’s better than having one date if not for two dates! Plus if it doesn’t work with your first date you have a fall guy that you know you can count on because you are paying for them!
Chaos Vert
Date Idea: Vertical Endevours
Review: After climbing here for one year the best comparison I can make is this rock climbing gym is very much like the Comcast Xfinity of rock climbing gyms. I climb here because it is close to my home and it is my only option (much like Comcast Xfinity is to a lot of people). I've climbed at many climbing gyms across the country and this franchise by far the worst of them all.
Explanation: What is more chaotic than some crazy fun indoor rock climbing? Plenty of chaos to be had at great heights with one slip causing chaos for yourself and anyone below you. Stay safe out there kids.
Ganyu
Date Idea: Genshin Impact Date Night
Review: Yes, Genshin Impact controls my life, but it's consensual
Explanation: Ganyu is a character in the very popular Genshin Impact series so it is only fitting that the date would revolve around the game itself. It is very easy to pass time in this addicting game so be warned you may lose yourself in the game before the date even starts.
Sack Sparrow
Date Idea: Pirates of the Caribbean binge
Review: The movie, while it has an engaging start, quickly falls apart. The discovery of immortal ghost pirates whose appearance changes with moonlight is too ridiculous. By the end of the movie, my friend and I were turning to each other and shaking our heads in shame. Not only was it unbelievable that the movie could have received such great reviews but that we paid to see it. If you must watch it, do so while inebriated.
Explanation: This needs no explanation. While the movies definitely fall off the first is a classic and deserves a watch on its own. Plenty of laughable moments and is simply a good movie to watch at any time.
Burnt Toast
Date Idea: Toaster shopping
Review (Amazon Basics 4 Slot Toaster, Brushed Silver): The toaster isn't as attractive in person as it is in the photos, the brushed stainless steel housing is thin (a bit of oil-canning) and inconsistent looking but for the price I can get past the looks. I dialed it up to 5 and slipped in a slice of Milton's whole grain bread. The results were great, it toasted evenly; however, I made the mistake of touching the toaster housing when reaching for the bread and literally BURNED MY HAND. The housing was dangerously hot! I don't remember reading this from any of the reviews so maybe I received a lemon.
Explanation: I don’t know about you but I prefer my toast not to be burnt so I figure this is a great chance for you to step out of your comfort zone and find a toaster that does it’s job properly and I think your date will probably agree with me.
Melvin Harris
Date Idea: Baltimore Ravens game
Review: Dear Baltimore Ravens: This is a sad day for me... I will be in mourning...I wrote and sent this to the Ravens..."You have stabbed me in the heart... I have been a die hard Ravens fan... I have even defended you against other teams.... I said... My Ravens won't do that!... and they did, the embarrassed me in front of another country even.. I am so ashamed... I and my family and most all of my friends will never go to or watch another Raven's game again...It's a damned shame to, I loved you all so... Nevermore....."
Explanation: Melvin is an underrated name in my opinion and as such there aren’t too many guys out there with the name. But one of my favorites is Melvin Gordon who is currently on the Baltimore Ravens and is why that is where your date should be.
CHICAGO BUTCHERS
Austin Morley
Date Idea: Magic’s Theater
Review: Cool cause I like magic
Explanation: The number one “thing to do” in Austin, Texas according to Trip Advisor Magic theater is your destination for all things magic, trickery, and illusions and a perfect place for the date you tricked to go with you in the first place!
Painted Penguin
Date Idea: African Penguin and Seabird Sanctuary
Review: 3 o'clock is lunch time
Explanation: Enjoy the sights and sounds of some amazing wildlife at the hands of the African Penguin and Seabird Sancuary where you are guaranteed to see some of these stupid dumb flightless birds.
Frank Dux
Date Idea: Listen to The Duck Song over and over and over again
Review: Let's be real, this duck is a master troll. Poked and prodded the man until he threatened the duck with glue, then tricked the man into admitting he actually had no glue. Proceeded to mentally break the man into finally buying grapes, only to really troll him one last time by saying "nah I actually want lemonade now" and just walk away. Absolute genius.
Explanation: The Duck Song is a top song of all time and no one can tell me otherwise. It is something you and your date can really bond over and will cherish forever if you really commit to learning every small detail about the song.
Joseph Reed
Date Idea: Danube Delta Tour
Review: Full of mosquitoes from 19:00 until 22:00. Extraordinary place to visit!
Explanation: The Danube Delta is home to the second biggest wetlands in the world. And one of the most populous places for Reeds (the plant) in the world which is why this place is for you! Take a tour on the beautiful Danube Delta River and you won’t be disappointed.
Rico Savage
Date Idea: Watch Macho Man Randy Savage Matches
Review: If my family were all like randy savage that would be pretty cool, or annoying, or both.
Explanation: Rico Savage is a musical artist but Macho Man Randy Savage was what came to mind first and is the clear winner for a great date. While he has unfortunately passed away his legacy lives on and watching some of his matches is sure to hit the spot.
Teenie Hodges
Date Idea: The Peace Maze
Review: Not happy went for a nice walk but got lost in there for three days, ended up having to eat someone to survive
Explanation: Instead of Teenie Hodges all I was thinking about were tiny hedges and that made me think about hedge mazes so here we are. You can bring your date into a hedge maze and keep them stuck there forever which offers plenty of bonding opportunities between the two of you and is sure to bring you closer together than ever before.
Heiiajs D. Owidhuse
Date Idea: Bing watch Loki
Review: Whoever thought this up is an absolute waste of human flesh. To depict Loki in such a manner is blasphemy. Although it is on par for the way Thor has been depicted. Humanity is no longer. I’m not sure what to call it. This is a pure shame!
Explanation: I must say Owidhuse, you are quite the interesting character. The origins of your name even trickier and once I learned how the name originated I become even more confused. So I felt that you would enjoy watching some trickery implemented by another character the Trickster god himself, Loki.
LeHarm James
Date Idea: Meet and Greet Lebron James
Review: “‘Taco Tuesday’ is a tradition that everyone should be able to celebrate. All restaurants, all families, all businesses — everybody,” James said in a press release. “‘Taco Tuesdays’ create opportunities that bring people together in so many ways, and it’s a celebration that nobody should own.”
Explanation: Not sure if it’s a good idea to let you be up close and personal with Lebron James but this is your opportunity to meet him. What’s a better way to spend a date than in a long line waiting to see the best basketball player in the modern era Lebron James. Surely he will give you the time of day and not brush you off in 5 seconds.
David Doug
Date Idea: Kola Superdeep Borehole
Review: Thank god they stopped... I wouldn’t want to see my ex crawling out.
Explanation: David Doug. No David dug. That’s better. David dug and because he dug, he dug so deep that he ended up digging all the way to China. Anyone else get told that as a child if you dug as deep as you could you would end up digging all the way to China? Just me? Ok well still the Kola Superdeep Borehole is the biggest hole in the world and I’m sure Doug would love to do some digging with a date over at the Borehole.
Jimmy Ryder
Date Idea: Hang Gliding
Review: Just drove by early this morning. Can not leave anything but a neutral comment.
Explanation: Hang Gliding always seemed to me one of the more dangerous versions of flying you can do even more so than skydiving honestly. But Jimmy Ryder I’m sure would love to ride and glide down across the beautiful countryside with a date hanging in the wings.
Jake Jefferson
Date Idea: Thomas Jefferson Memorial
Review: Not realistic. Thomas Jefferson was NOT made out of stone. He was made of flesh and red stuff
Explanation: Yes Thomas Jefferson wasn’t a great person but pushing that aside he was one of the founding fathers and is on the currency of the US so he was a key member of creating and building the foundation of the US for better or worse and it is important to learn about history and the faults and strengths of the leaders that got us to today.
Aleksandar Ković
Date Idea: Meet and greet Nikola Jokic
Review: They didn't believe in the fat boy. It seems like it worked out. Don't bet against the fat boy.
Explanation: Kovic - Jokic. I know it’s a stretch but my mind is slowly melting and that is what came to mind first so that’s what it is going to have to be. And by all accounts, he is a wonderful individual so I’m sure you and your date will have a lovely time meeting and greeting this gentle giant.
Brian Duke
Date Idea: Attend Duke
Review: it was ok. i mean i didnt go to class but yea its cool I guess. i also failed my comp sci class so I have to take another semester.
Explanation: Duke is one of the most storied basketball colleges in college basketball so by attending the school you have set yourself up for some high quality basketball content that you and your partner can enjoy to your hearts content. There’s plenty of other stuff to do as well like…. Anyways yeah Duke that’s the place to be.
Faust Leercor
Date Idea: La Croix taste test
Review: This tastes like hairspray in my honest opinion. The smell is the only interesting thing about it. Please don’t believe the hype, save your money or buy a more flavorful sparkling water!
Explanation: Leercor I guess is probably closer to liquor than La Croix but I already typed it in so it is too late now. And who knows maybe the Le Crois will get you drunk anyways. There’s plenty of options to choose from so I’m sure you and your partner will find one that you like. Just got to keep on digging.
Bill Cravy
Date Idea: Thanksgiving Dinner
Review (canned gravy): I normally make my own gravy, but I bought this because my kids watch a YouTuber who uses it in her dishes. It was absolutely disgusting. Taste like dog food. Yes, I know what dog food taste like. My brother fed it to me when we were little. When I taste this gravy it instantly reminded of that day my brother made me a “pie” which was just dog food covered in whipped cream. It did arrive in perfect conditions….. so there’s that.
Explanation: Can’t have a good Thanksgiving dinner without some mashed potatoes and gravy! Thanksgiving has recently risen the ranks of holidays in my eyes and I’m currently quite hungry so it has been on my mind all morning. But either way, Thanksgiving dinner will surely bond you to your date or break your relationship forever! It’s the ultimate stress test.
Rumble Ronson
Date Idea: Watch Rumble
Review: 25 minutes into it to see the bigest failure in animation history stupid voices caracters and so on ,as some said no proper animation just cheap anmation.
Explanation: Apparently there is an animated movie called Rumble so that’s what you will be watching with your date. It’s about a monster wrestling ring which is certainly an interesting premise. It’s fun for the whole family as well so besides date night it can also act as family night if you’d like instead.
Action Bronson
Date Idea: See Action Bronson in concert
Review: Action Bronson sucks at cooking. Dude is like a lower mid-level gastropub cook. 85 percent of the food he makes is sandwiches. On the New Zealand episode he makes a clusterfuck of a bagel with like 15 different toppings on it. He also makes a coconut ceviche, then procedes to top it with bigass orange supremes that have both residual pith and peel still on them. He acts like a stoner little brother, always farting and burping in public. I’ve never seen him wash his hands and he never wears gloves when touching food. He’s always got a smelly-looking cast on his right hand, that for sure has some potato chips stuck in there.
Explanation: If you are the real Action Bronson then you should probably bring your date to one of your concerts. If you are not Action Bronson you should probably bring your date to one of his concerts. As an uncultured person I had no idea who this guy is but with a mixtape like “Bon Appetit…. Bitch!!!!” I’m sure he sings great love songs.
Edit: So I looked more into him and he’s also a chef which would explain the mixtape label….carry on.
Kaguya Shinomiya
Date Idea: Binge watch “Kaguya-sama: Love Is War”
Review: Kaguya: Love is War is the product of training a GPT-3† model on the corpus of anime and manga, then asking it to generate two of the most basic tsundere (Kaguya and Miyuki) characters available and a deredere (Chika) character. These characters can never act like real people or else the only thread holding the plot together, that both Miyuki and Kaguya are too prideful to admit they like the other, would immediately collapse. Chika, effectively an agent of chaos, is Schrödinger's idiot: she is simultaneously an expert and utterly incompetent at reading emotions and superficially dumb while being an expert in many things.
Explanation: I am learning more about the world than ever before. I thought I was really going to have to dig for something to do here but apparently this is some kind of anime so it’s time to binge watch the series with your date!
COLORADO YETI
Mister Hogmally
Date Idea: Monopoly
Review: Unless the alternative game is to poke yourself in the eye with a fork .... play something else ... and even then ... :-)
Explanation: Mister Hogmally has quite the interesting backstories and there were plenty of twists and turns I could have gone with to choose from as far as what to do on a date but I chose Monopoly as it felt most like the original Hogmally with the monocle and the tux it just seemed to make sense. Just don’t get angry. It’s just a game.
Waylen Greene
Date Idea: Movie Night watching Mean Girls
Review: my age? NOT relevant. whats relevant is how is how this movie was created and made me SO ANGRY!!!! GRRRRRRRR!!!! my children cried watching this and i absolutely AGREE. one night i screamed so loud i turned into a dog and growled a lot grrr.............hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jwahahhahaahahahhahaah this is NOT OK I NEED TO PEE. I NEED THE WIZZA.
Explanation: Congrats on being cast in the movie Mean Girls! This should be celebrated by meticulously pointing out every small detail to your partner on date night because I hear dates love it when people do that.
NCADV RAINN
Date Idea: Respectful dinner
Review: Huge props for doing what you're doing NCADV. At first when I searched the name I wasn’t sure it was the correct thing but after reading your wiki I’ve got a ton of respect for what you're trying to do spreading awareness about domestic abuse and sexual assault.
Explanation: Everyone deserves relationships free from domestic violence. When you're ready, we're here to listen with confidential support 24/7/365: 1-800-799-SAFE - National Domestic Violence Hotline
Remi Musgrave-Smythe
Date Idea: Visit the Tower of London
Review: Wanted to visit the Tower of London, but one of the Lions has LEAFS in his mane. We thought: thats kinda inacceptable. So we left immediately. Just one Star. Never again!!
Explanation: Remi has quite a rich history as a part of the royal family so I figure what better way to show off that wealth than show off where a prophecy was foretold about his incoming legacy as an amazing athlete.
Savathûn T. Witchqueen
Date Idea: Visit Salem
Review (Salem Witch museum): Spirits of those condemned are still around proving their innocence. That is except one. Its a black mass that I caught out of the corner of my eye. It will try to lure you, so be careful. If it gets inside you, you could take it home, so be careful what you ask for.
Explanation: This may be counter intuitive considering many a witch were burned here but that is gone and in the past and I feel like now they have come full circle and started celebrating witches so I think it will be safe for the Witchqueen to enter Salem with a partner and not feel like she doesn’t belong.
- Cross-Eriksen
Date Idea: Visit Leif Erikson Park
Review: I wasent trying to go for a swim today..
Explanation: Not really sure why Leif Erikson came to mind but i suppose it is close to your last name so it still applies here. And from what I have read it is a wonderful park and garden and even has a playground for you and your date to enjoy!
Aidan Hutchinson Jr.
Date Idea: University of Michigan game
Review: I've heard of the big house my entire life so I had to stop by while in the area. I was not disappointed the first thing you see is the giant M above the stadium, I was not prepared for that, that thing is huge.
Explanation: Following in your fathers footsteps and going to Michigan is a wonderful idea and I’m glad you were able to relive the dreams he had before you. So why not relive your own dreams and return to the stadium that gave you a name in the first place. Think of all the stories you can tell your date as you refuse to pay attention to them while watching the game.
Wolfie McDummy Jr.
Date Idea: Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race
Review: Lots of barking dogs. Standing around for the next dogs to pass by. For me, it was boring. Why do I keep going?
Explanation: Wouldn’t it be fun to see all your pals from when you were young racing their hearts out for ultimate glory? I think so at least.
Mary Marie
Date Idea: Mary Marie Movie Night
Review: Strange children in a adults' bodies
Explanation: Never seen it. Never heard of it. Apparently, it’s a very average movie. But you got to watch it. It’s the law. I don’t make the rules I just enforce the rules.
Orlando Doom
Date Idea: Lord of the Rings Movie Night
Review: Now THIS is a funny movie. I'll be honest, this was probably just not for me and I don't get the hype, but this movie kinda sucks. Like, really sucks. It is very long and very boring, and I think I fell asleep for part of it. When Gandalf and Saruman fight, nothing cool happens, they just slide around on a wet floor.
Explanation: Want to find an easy way to fall asleep watching a really good movie? Lord of the Rings is the movie of choice. Rich in characters, story, and more but so incredibly long that it is incredibly hard to get through. Orlando Bloom as Legolas is a treat but at what cost are you willing to watch it and him?
Malik Brooks
Date Idea: Malik Movie Night
Review: The food was good, but the driver entered my bk garden, and now one of our rabbits is lost, and probably dead now, they need to come to my front door, never the bk, my son is heartbroken
Explanation: This is apparently a very strong and powerful movie about political and police corruption so be prepared for some very dense, intense discussions on your date. But it seems like people thoroughly enjoyed it so it will at the very least keep your attention and I’m sure you will learn something as well.
Grayson Yates
Date Idea: Bucks game
Review (Regarding Grayson Allen): His facial features are arranged in such a fashion that it gives one the desire to see a fist hypothetically move toward its surface with sufficient speed.
Explanation: Man I hate Grayson Allen. With that being said he is controversially one of the most popular Grayson’s out there and if you ignore him you might actually be able to see some good basketball being played.
Erwin Kemp
Date Idea: Kemps Ice Cream Taste Test
Review: Perfect addition to a warm cookie or brownie for dessert or as a base for building your ultimate sundae!
Explanation: Ice cream is an all time great desert because there are so many different combinations that work. So with a name like Kemp I knew what must be done. There are 52 different flavors according to google to try which is plenty to have a grand old time on date night and sure to bring out controvercial opinions that will test the ties of the relationship.
Synystyr Gates
Date Idea: Attend an Avenged Sevenfold Concert
Review: in 2023, having a zero out of 10 is actually better than anything you could ask for, because people are talking, and it's a weird society we live in at this point.
Explanation: To be ranked #9 guitarist in the world is an impressive feat so congratulations to you. I’m sure your date would love the classic “rock and roll” lifestyle that comes with always being on the road as an artist. I was going to go into deeper detail but I think I’m going to stop there for my own good.
Federico Americano
Date Idea: Starbucks
Review: Asked for FREAKING DECAF!!!!!!!!!!! Its a simply gosh dang request!!! At friken 4pm in the friken afternoon!!!! When u guys werent that busy!!!!!!!!!!!!! didnt get friken decaf, got three hrs of sleep that night.....three whole friken hrs. I sat in my bed for who knows how friken long till i fell asleep at friken 4:35am in the gosh dang morning!!!!! I had to get up at 7frikenAM Needless to say, You guys suck. >
Explanation: I will not elaborate. I will not pass go. I will not collect 200. Straight to a coffee date for you. I hope you enjoy your Americano.
Nathan Explosion
Date Idea: Watch The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show on repeat
Review: I can only assume that the proper script was lost or stolen so they had to put out this tripe. A very poor episode of a great TV show.
Explanation: I was originally going to choose some crazy fireworks show under the lights maybe in Vegas but then I stumbled upon this gem and couldn’t pass it up and neither can you! It will warm your heart and bring you to tears as you laugh your way through a wonderful Parks and Rec Episode.
National Treasure
Date Idea: National Treasure Movie Night
Review: After sitting through this pile of dung, my husband and I wondered whether it was actually the product of an experiment to see whether a computer program could produce a movie. It was that listless and formulaic.
Explanation: Well this was an easy choice. National Treasure is a decent movie so being named after such a movie isn’t so bad. At least I would assume that is why you would be named this way. If not then I have no idea why you would be named like this. Also impressive that your last name is Treasure in the first place.
RE #38
Date Idea: Play Madden 23
Review: I've seen better effort, story, mechanics, features, graphics, soundtracks, and actors in porn.
Explanation: It seems that Re #38 may be stuck in some kind of alternate universe. While his thoughts may be in this world able to communicate what is happening, the rest of him is in a whole different dimension which is why I would suggest #38 play Madden 23. I heard there are other football sims out there but I think this one really shows the dangers of the sim world.
Bong Stevens
Date Idea: The Club
Review (Hakkasan, Las Vegas): The DJ is straight trash!! I went March, 10 2022 and all he played was PG 13 songs, worst DJ I have ever listen to. I rather hear a dog cry than his beats!! Please never ever use that DJ ever again!
Explanation: For legal reasons I am going to restrain myself from recommending any drug use or otherwise. However hypothetically if you were to be partaking in “bonging” as the kids say these days I’m sure you can find it at a number of clubs throughout the US. And as long as you partake responsibly I have no quarrels. IF you are looking for a more relaxing time then just chilling at your place of residence just you and your date is also an option.
Brock Landers Jr.
Date Idea: KFC Dinner Date
Review: this is NOT finger licking good. in fact, after touching the chicken with my fingers, i wanted to throw my fingers away. the last thing i wanted to do was lick them.
Explanation: There were quite a few interesting results when I searched this name highlighting the top of that list is a pornographic film. I will not be formely suggesting this film but I guess it could probably get you in the right mood. I am suggesting KFC though because evertime I hear Landers it makes me think of Colonel Sanders.
Marco Steele
Date Idea: Watch Marco Polo series
Review: I am awesome. I have awesome life. Therefore I tend to watch few awesome shows. Suits, Mr.Robot just to name a few, awesome. I love history. History is awesome. Genghis Khan, is awesome. Marco the Hobo ruined it.Cheesy acting, cheesy lines, how the hell did Netflix decide it was awesome to renew it for second season.
Explanation: Marco Polo is a perfect mesh of your first and last name. He obviously takes your first name but the second name is just as important as he literally steals every single spec of land in his path. The series is also really good apparently so I’m sure it will actually be an enjoyable watch.
Matthew Fryars
Date Idea: Thrashers French Fries
Review: Found a dead fly at the bottom of my cup of fries. So disgusting, made me want to vomit. Also, very overpriced for a cup of fries, won’t even give you ketchup, like normal people eat with their fries. Come here if you want a garnish of dead flies in lieu of ketchup.
Explanation: There are better options but all I can think about are fries right now. And I’m sure your date wouldn’t be disappointed with going to a fry place on a date. Maybe you can pair it with some kind of movie. Instead of eating popcorn you can eat fries from the same bucket instead.
Rab Thecrab
Date Idea: Read Rab The Rainbow Crab
Review: No review. Seems like a good book with a nice message
Explanation: I had to think long and hard about this one. Not because it was hard to find information about the name but because I was trying to figure out if I wanted to include a place that serves crabs, cages crabs, or something else. With that being said Rab the crab is from a book so that made my eventual answer a lot easier. But for some reason “rab the crab” is also a term for a fart? So This one is kind of all over the place.
Cedric Wilkins II
Date Idea: Meet Cedric Wilson Jr.
Review: Tall with a thin frame that lacks muscular chest. —Press corners disrupt his release and force him off of his plan easily. —Slow back foot out of stance that leaves him tardy on timing routes. —When rushed, his athleticism declines and balance becomes an issue down the field.
Explanation: Have you ever met Cedric Wilson Jr. because you have shockingly close names without actually having the same names? It’s quite impressive and why I think it would be a good idea to meet him to make sure you aren’t related to him. You can drag your date along too I’m sure they will want to know if you two are related as well.
Looking for the remaining three teams? Don't worry I didn't forget about them my computer is nearly crashing so I'm putting them in article #2 be on the lookout for that to view the Cape Town Crash, Sarasota Sailfish, and Yellknife Wraiths rosters dating locations based on their player names!
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