10-30-2023, 06:47 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-01-2023, 08:40 AM by lemonoppy. Edited 2 times in total.)
- Touchdowns and Taste Buds Collide in the Weirdest ISFL and DSFL Stadium Sandwiches You Never Knew You Needed -
Hey there, hungry football fans! We've got a deliciously disturbing treat for you – a journey into the uncharted territory of ISFL and DSFL stadium sandwiches. Prepare your taste buds and sense of humor as we unveil 11 sandwiches that are so outrageous, you won't believe you can find them in a stadium. Plus, we'll expose three fan favorites that prove football fans are truly culinary daredevils. See? I told you BuzzFeed isn't the worst!
Without further delay, let's kick this off and dive into the sammies...
1. The 'Grease Bird' Special (Baltimore): Starting strong, we have the 'Grease Bird' Special. It's a deep-fried chicken sandwich so slick that you'll be wondering if you should eat it or use it to oil the stadium's hinges. The inner harbor has never been so slimy. Bonus: Guaranteed to give free diarrhea!
2. The 'Soggy Footlong' (New York): Silverbacks fans have embraced The 'Soggy Footlong.' It's essentially a soggy sub sandwich with waterlogged bread that's supposed to represent New York's resilience, or maybe just the rainy weather. The sogginess comes from actual Jets fans' tears!
3. 'The Fish Blitz' (Sarasota): Only in Sarasota can you sink your teeth into 'The Fish Blitz,' where they'll happily pile on enough random pieces of "fresh" fish to make the whole stadium smell like low tide. Hey, you don't go to San Jose for the snow and you don't go to Sarasota for the not-fish-smell. It's an experience, ok?
4. The 'Wimpy Whopper' (Austin): While Texas may be known for big steaks and bigger mustaches, Austin is home to 'The Wimpy Whopper,' a puny burger that's about as tough as a Teddy bear! Let's just say that tech boom hit Austin's cost of living pretty hard. It's not all bad though. The $23 burger comes with a 2oz Mr.Pibb to wash down both bites.
5. The 'Red Bag Special' (Chicago): At Butchers games, you can enjoy the 'Red Bag Special,' which is just an assorted bag of salted meats. Who cares about your heart when it tastes this good? oh...your doctor?...Ok, maybe just one bag per quarter then.
6. The 'OC Fiber-Filler' (Orange County): Get ready for the 'OC Fiber-Filler,' a sandwich designed to give you more roughage than a tumbleweed in the California desert. It's perfect for when you need a pre-surf cleanse! Fun Fact: It goes great with money!
7. The 'Yeti Mystery Meat' (Colorado): Colorado offers the 'Yeti Mystery Meat' sandwich – you'll never know what's inside and they won't tell you. It's probably just chicken though, right? Right!?!
8. The 'Big Apple’ (New York): This is just an apple! It costs 18 dollars.
9. The 'Bodacious Buns Burger' (Kansas City): At Arrowhead Stadium, brace yourself for the 'Bodacious Buns Burger,' a tantalizing treat that's all about the buns, baby! This generously stacked burger is so sultry that even the stadium lights blush. That’s because it has 5, count’em 5, buns cradling 4 ounces of beef! Lost Swifties absolutely love it, too!
10. The 'Colossal Cowboy' (Dallas): At the home of the Birddogs, you can tackle the 'Colossal Cowboy,' a sandwich so massive that even the Lone Star State has trouble containing it! And yes, it's bigger than your pickup truck. Just be careful not to order one in front of Dewey Greenbeans as he has been known to intercept fans’ refreshments and spike them into the endzone.
11. The 'Hot Mess Helmet' (New Orleans): Second Line fans embrace the 'Hot Mess Helmet,' a sandwich so unruly that it requires a helmet to protect you from stray toppings and condiments! Bonus Fact: May help protect against crocodile related voodoo incidents.
The Culinary Daredevils:
1. The 'Squashed Tofu Torture' (All ISFL Stadiums): This is for fans who crave a true challenge. The 'Squashed Tofu Torture' is an exquisite mix of unseasoned tofu, lemon rinds, and extra firmness, all designed to test your taste buds' resilience. Every stadium is required, by law, to have this available somewhere on their premises. If you find it, buy it, and eat it, you are legally allowed to use the visiting teams' locker room facilities/medical staff.
2. The 'Sloppy Stars and Stripes’ (All US Stadiums): In a rare joint-marketing campaign, the ISFL is partnering up with the NFL to help remind fans the ISFL is proud to be playing so many games in the US of A. After all, this is American football, not some wussy game played by countries where balls are always round and concussions aren't a regular occurrence. Why not take pride in "America's Game." Anyway, this red-white-and-blue sandwich is made up of whatever edible stuff the kitchen had lying around, but they sprayed it with food coloring and will call you a traitor unless you buy it. Do it for America!
3. The 'Python Delight' (All ISFL/DSFL Stadiums): All locations are now serving a Portland favorite that's been the most popular sandwich at Python games for the last 20 seasons. This gurgling grilled chicken sammy is served up hot and spicy with chipotle mayo, jalapeno peppers, and just a touch of mud. The contents are tossed into an edible bag that is tied tightly and swallowed whole to provide fans with the slithering unhinged jaw experience they love. After the initial bloating and pain subside, the stomach acid will dissolve the bag, allowing the consumer the opportunity to enjoy its contents and not die. While some may find eating this spicy sandwich mud bag disgusting, studies have proven that all Pythons fans are the worst anyway (go dogs!)
So there you have it, folks – the wacky world of ISFL stadium sandwiches that are almost as absurd as the plays on the field. If you're a die-hard fan with an equally adventurous palate, give these hilarious sandwiches a try. Just remember, whether you're laughing or groaning, it's all part of the game-day experience. Cheers to football and food that's almost as entertaining as the touchdowns!
Hey there, hungry football fans! We've got a deliciously disturbing treat for you – a journey into the uncharted territory of ISFL and DSFL stadium sandwiches. Prepare your taste buds and sense of humor as we unveil 11 sandwiches that are so outrageous, you won't believe you can find them in a stadium. Plus, we'll expose three fan favorites that prove football fans are truly culinary daredevils. See? I told you BuzzFeed isn't the worst!
Without further delay, let's kick this off and dive into the sammies...
1. The 'Grease Bird' Special (Baltimore): Starting strong, we have the 'Grease Bird' Special. It's a deep-fried chicken sandwich so slick that you'll be wondering if you should eat it or use it to oil the stadium's hinges. The inner harbor has never been so slimy. Bonus: Guaranteed to give free diarrhea!
2. The 'Soggy Footlong' (New York): Silverbacks fans have embraced The 'Soggy Footlong.' It's essentially a soggy sub sandwich with waterlogged bread that's supposed to represent New York's resilience, or maybe just the rainy weather. The sogginess comes from actual Jets fans' tears!
3. 'The Fish Blitz' (Sarasota): Only in Sarasota can you sink your teeth into 'The Fish Blitz,' where they'll happily pile on enough random pieces of "fresh" fish to make the whole stadium smell like low tide. Hey, you don't go to San Jose for the snow and you don't go to Sarasota for the not-fish-smell. It's an experience, ok?
4. The 'Wimpy Whopper' (Austin): While Texas may be known for big steaks and bigger mustaches, Austin is home to 'The Wimpy Whopper,' a puny burger that's about as tough as a Teddy bear! Let's just say that tech boom hit Austin's cost of living pretty hard. It's not all bad though. The $23 burger comes with a 2oz Mr.Pibb to wash down both bites.
5. The 'Red Bag Special' (Chicago): At Butchers games, you can enjoy the 'Red Bag Special,' which is just an assorted bag of salted meats. Who cares about your heart when it tastes this good? oh...your doctor?...Ok, maybe just one bag per quarter then.
6. The 'OC Fiber-Filler' (Orange County): Get ready for the 'OC Fiber-Filler,' a sandwich designed to give you more roughage than a tumbleweed in the California desert. It's perfect for when you need a pre-surf cleanse! Fun Fact: It goes great with money!
7. The 'Yeti Mystery Meat' (Colorado): Colorado offers the 'Yeti Mystery Meat' sandwich – you'll never know what's inside and they won't tell you. It's probably just chicken though, right? Right!?!
8. The 'Big Apple’ (New York): This is just an apple! It costs 18 dollars.
9. The 'Bodacious Buns Burger' (Kansas City): At Arrowhead Stadium, brace yourself for the 'Bodacious Buns Burger,' a tantalizing treat that's all about the buns, baby! This generously stacked burger is so sultry that even the stadium lights blush. That’s because it has 5, count’em 5, buns cradling 4 ounces of beef! Lost Swifties absolutely love it, too!
10. The 'Colossal Cowboy' (Dallas): At the home of the Birddogs, you can tackle the 'Colossal Cowboy,' a sandwich so massive that even the Lone Star State has trouble containing it! And yes, it's bigger than your pickup truck. Just be careful not to order one in front of Dewey Greenbeans as he has been known to intercept fans’ refreshments and spike them into the endzone.
11. The 'Hot Mess Helmet' (New Orleans): Second Line fans embrace the 'Hot Mess Helmet,' a sandwich so unruly that it requires a helmet to protect you from stray toppings and condiments! Bonus Fact: May help protect against crocodile related voodoo incidents.
The Culinary Daredevils:
1. The 'Squashed Tofu Torture' (All ISFL Stadiums): This is for fans who crave a true challenge. The 'Squashed Tofu Torture' is an exquisite mix of unseasoned tofu, lemon rinds, and extra firmness, all designed to test your taste buds' resilience. Every stadium is required, by law, to have this available somewhere on their premises. If you find it, buy it, and eat it, you are legally allowed to use the visiting teams' locker room facilities/medical staff.
2. The 'Sloppy Stars and Stripes’ (All US Stadiums): In a rare joint-marketing campaign, the ISFL is partnering up with the NFL to help remind fans the ISFL is proud to be playing so many games in the US of A. After all, this is American football, not some wussy game played by countries where balls are always round and concussions aren't a regular occurrence. Why not take pride in "America's Game." Anyway, this red-white-and-blue sandwich is made up of whatever edible stuff the kitchen had lying around, but they sprayed it with food coloring and will call you a traitor unless you buy it. Do it for America!
3. The 'Python Delight' (All ISFL/DSFL Stadiums): All locations are now serving a Portland favorite that's been the most popular sandwich at Python games for the last 20 seasons. This gurgling grilled chicken sammy is served up hot and spicy with chipotle mayo, jalapeno peppers, and just a touch of mud. The contents are tossed into an edible bag that is tied tightly and swallowed whole to provide fans with the slithering unhinged jaw experience they love. After the initial bloating and pain subside, the stomach acid will dissolve the bag, allowing the consumer the opportunity to enjoy its contents and not die. While some may find eating this spicy sandwich mud bag disgusting, studies have proven that all Pythons fans are the worst anyway (go dogs!)
So there you have it, folks – the wacky world of ISFL stadium sandwiches that are almost as absurd as the plays on the field. If you're a die-hard fan with an equally adventurous palate, give these hilarious sandwiches a try. Just remember, whether you're laughing or groaning, it's all part of the game-day experience. Cheers to football and food that's almost as entertaining as the touchdowns!