03-08-2024, 07:52 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-09-2024, 05:26 PM by xenosthelegend. Edited 2 times in total.)
It was a brisk Saturday morning in the greater San Jose metro area where Russet P. Otato, General Manager of the San Jose Sabercats, was going through his morning routine like he would any other day. After checking for any sprouts to lop off and peeling off any extra skin that was no longer needed, Mr. Otato made his way downstairs to the kitchen to see what he could whip up for breakfast. He was horrified to find that his stock of breakfast food was depleted and all he had that was edible was potatoes. After pondering committing cannibalism for a brief moment, he decided to take a road trip down south to Scotts Valley to get some breakfast, home of a few of his players, DJ Maclean and Owen Farrell. Russet grabbed his wallet and keys and departed from his beautiful home in Los Gatos. He piloted the Catmobile, a one of a kind vehicle designed by the Sabercats owner and gifted to him upon him accepting the GM job.
20 minutes later, after driving through Open Space Reserves and State Forests, Mr. Otato arrives in Scotts Valley. The familiar sight of tartan, kilts, and bagpipes greeted him as soon as he crossed into the city limits. He parked and entered his favorite breakfast spot, was greeted by his favorite waitress, and ordered his favorite from the menu, the Full Scottish Breakfast. Mr. Otato polished off the meal in record time and pondered what to do with his time while he was already out and about.
Russet P. Otato had recently executed the S45 ISFL Draft with his GM partner, Professor Chaos. It had been a successful draft as they were able to stay put with the 3rd pick and draft their top target, a former Jedi Master who could play a position of need for them. On top of that they were able to draft a CB and a TE, who not only fit team needs but also were experienced in athletics and shared an affinity for cats. That was the good news. The bad news was that Professor Chaos had decided it was time for him to hang it up and retire as General Manager. This was a blow to Russet as Professor Chaos had been the GM for as long as anyone could remember, heck probably as long as life on earth had existed. This was a pivotal moment in the franchise where Mr. Otato would have to step up and take the reins of the team while also finding a suitable replacement to be his partner. How to proceed had been weighing on him heavily so he decided to take a long, scenic drive down the iconic Highway 1 and visit an Ecological Reserve he had on his ‘Things To Do’ list ever since he moved to San Jose. Russet was going to visit Bonny Doon.
GM Otato was enjoying the scenery on Highway 1, looking out over the ocean horizon when he got a Twitter notification from the account of his recent 1st round draft pick, Kit Fisto. He took a quick peak and noticed that the tweet was a video of Fisto himself and the interactions on the tweet were skyrocketing in such a way that this video had to be going viral. Like a responsible driver, Russet pulled off to the side of the road in order to check out this video in case it was something he needed to address. The video started off reasonably with Kit talking some smack about the rival Orange County Otters and how the Sabercats beat them at home the previous year and how they would whoop them again in week 1 of the upcoming season. “Orange County Otters? More like Orange County Notters!” Mr. Otato was slightly annoyed that his star draft pick was putting himself out in the line of fire like this, but he thought it was nothing out of the ordinary for a young rookie trying to find their way. But then it got weird.
“Oh-Co isn’t all that bad,” Fisto blabbered on, “Beck is actually a fantasy football superstar!” Russet’s heart stopped. Not only was the claim verifiably untrue, but it is something that Fisto would never say willingly. He had never done anything as fast as dialing Fisto’s number.
“Hey Russ, what’s up?” Fisto answered. He had become comfortable enough with his new GM that he called him by a nickname already.
“What does Beck have on you?” Otato was worried enough to skip all the pleasantries and immediately question the well being of his new running back.
Fisto paused briefly before answering. “I don’t know what you mean, everything I said on that video was totally my initiative and definitely not coerced.”
“Blink twice if you are under duress.”
“Say less.” Russet hangs up and immediately puts up the Cat Signal™. He started the car back up, executed a flawless 3 point road turn, and floored it on his way back to San Jose. He has implemented the Sabercat Hostage Rescue Protocol and every player on the team should be making their way to the stadium while he drives back. On the way, he’s mentally assigning roles for each player and walking through different scenarios of how the rescue could play out. He has prepared for this moment once a week for every single week of tenure, but he never thought in a million years it would ever come to life. You’d think with all that preparation he would be ready and yet as he drives his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s penne. He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to rescue but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down, the podcast goes so loud. He opens his mouth but the words won’t come out, he’s choking how? OCO is jokin now. The clock’s run out, time’s up, over, blaow. He snaps back to reality and keeps walking himself through the protocol.
Otato peels into the stadium parking lot and mentally notes how everyone is here, step 1 of the protocol has succeeded. He exits the Catmobile and starts barking orders at the team.
“Orange Julius, Josh Patterson, Blacksmith Andre, and Ronald McDonald, get in position!”
*Narrator voice* ‘Get in position for what?’ you might ask, and that would be a good question. I think Russet’s pals were too sweaty at this point. *End narrator voice*
“Blacksmith Andre run interference! Kenny McCormick, since Beck trusts you, you are going to infiltrate and be a honeypot! DJ Maclean, Owen Farrell, Cruella de Ville, you three work with your international assets to establish a network of safehouses! Local Cryptid, you are going to skulk menacingly outside the hostage site! Modest Mussorgsky, hack the mainframe! Bruci Talis, plant and test bugs in the hostage location! The Red Panda, convince Beck that red pandas are the superior mustelid aka better than otters!”
“Who’s Beck?”
“Otto the Orange, Keanu Calhoun, Kenny Szymorski, you three combine and show Beck the true power of the frosty orange hall! Mega Tron and Micah Dixon, you two set up shot in front of the hostage location. Mega Tron throw bombs to yourself and Micah Dixon wear your scary goalie mask! Booter McGavin, set up the kicking battery and lob balls through the windows! Maple Dogwood, wait by the front door and bark if Beck comes out! Matthew Bolt, zap’em! Alex Armstrong, use your strong arms to chop down some trees and set up blockades at exit routes from the hostage location!”
“Okay cats, you have your orders. Let’s load up in the party bus and head to the site.” Russ is feeling good about this.
“Mr. Otato, what are we supposed to do?” Brooks Piggott and Tha Thu Craicte ask together.
“Don’t worry about that yet, you will know when the time comes.” Russ replies.
The team gathers together in the party bus and heads out through the streets of San Jose. The background of Fisto’s viral Twitter video was his newly purchased waterfront property in Alviso, a logical place for a Jedi Master to want to live. Unfortunately this is about a 25 minute drive from the stadium so everyone had time to sit and stew in what was happening around them. A teammate being kidnapped by a conference rival could have so many implications, but at the forefront of most of their minds was to simply ensure the safe return of their teammate. One of the exceptions being The Red Panda, who is still trying to figure out who Beck is.
They arrive at the Fisto residence and can immediately tell they are in the right place, as all the doors, windows, and blinds are shut. Oh also there is a giant OCO themed van parked across the street, no one ever accused OCO of being smart.
GM Russet P. Otato disembarks the party bus on what is perhaps his most important mission to date in life, a hostage rescue. He sets up shop on the front lawn while the rest of the team begins to carry out their orders. Everything is going swimmingly to this point, McCormick has initiated the HoneyPot project, the Brits have established safe houses, The Red Panda is shouting red panda facts; Russet is feeling confident about their chances.
As Booter is launching balls through the windows, Dogwood is positioned at the front door, and Armstrong is finishing his exit route barricades, Beck finally makes an appearance as he appears to attempt to dash out the back door hoping to sneak away with no repercussions. That is until he realizes that the Sabercat Hostage Rescue Protocol is more robust than he expected and he can’t quite escape.
Beck returns inside and like a typical Orange County, CA resident, he makes the situation about money. He turns this into a ransom situation and through a megaphone, he shouts out his demand of 1 billion dollars.
Brooks Piggott springs into action like a sleeper agent that was just activated and says “I have $3!”
Russet whips out his own megaphone. “As you can see, Beck, you are surrounded and we are neither willing nor capable of meeting your ransom demands. The way I see it, you have two options. You can release Kit Fisto immediately and we will let the authorities deal with you or we can have Deadlyplayer deadly you, player. And nobody wants that.”
Within 30 seconds, Fisto was walking out the front door and the cops that Mr. Otato called moments earlier were arriving to take Beck away.
Kit Fisto smugly walks past Russet P. Otato without saying a word.
Russet turns around, perplexed and says “You’re welcome Kit.”
Fisto stops and faces his GM, “No, Russet, you are welcome. I just single handedly orchestrated the greatest team building exercise in team history. Pick your jaw up off the floor and let’s go get some lunch, I’m sure you’ve worked up an appetite and I want some fries.”
20 minutes later, after driving through Open Space Reserves and State Forests, Mr. Otato arrives in Scotts Valley. The familiar sight of tartan, kilts, and bagpipes greeted him as soon as he crossed into the city limits. He parked and entered his favorite breakfast spot, was greeted by his favorite waitress, and ordered his favorite from the menu, the Full Scottish Breakfast. Mr. Otato polished off the meal in record time and pondered what to do with his time while he was already out and about.
Russet P. Otato had recently executed the S45 ISFL Draft with his GM partner, Professor Chaos. It had been a successful draft as they were able to stay put with the 3rd pick and draft their top target, a former Jedi Master who could play a position of need for them. On top of that they were able to draft a CB and a TE, who not only fit team needs but also were experienced in athletics and shared an affinity for cats. That was the good news. The bad news was that Professor Chaos had decided it was time for him to hang it up and retire as General Manager. This was a blow to Russet as Professor Chaos had been the GM for as long as anyone could remember, heck probably as long as life on earth had existed. This was a pivotal moment in the franchise where Mr. Otato would have to step up and take the reins of the team while also finding a suitable replacement to be his partner. How to proceed had been weighing on him heavily so he decided to take a long, scenic drive down the iconic Highway 1 and visit an Ecological Reserve he had on his ‘Things To Do’ list ever since he moved to San Jose. Russet was going to visit Bonny Doon.
GM Otato was enjoying the scenery on Highway 1, looking out over the ocean horizon when he got a Twitter notification from the account of his recent 1st round draft pick, Kit Fisto. He took a quick peak and noticed that the tweet was a video of Fisto himself and the interactions on the tweet were skyrocketing in such a way that this video had to be going viral. Like a responsible driver, Russet pulled off to the side of the road in order to check out this video in case it was something he needed to address. The video started off reasonably with Kit talking some smack about the rival Orange County Otters and how the Sabercats beat them at home the previous year and how they would whoop them again in week 1 of the upcoming season. “Orange County Otters? More like Orange County Notters!” Mr. Otato was slightly annoyed that his star draft pick was putting himself out in the line of fire like this, but he thought it was nothing out of the ordinary for a young rookie trying to find their way. But then it got weird.
“Oh-Co isn’t all that bad,” Fisto blabbered on, “Beck is actually a fantasy football superstar!” Russet’s heart stopped. Not only was the claim verifiably untrue, but it is something that Fisto would never say willingly. He had never done anything as fast as dialing Fisto’s number.
“Hey Russ, what’s up?” Fisto answered. He had become comfortable enough with his new GM that he called him by a nickname already.
“What does Beck have on you?” Otato was worried enough to skip all the pleasantries and immediately question the well being of his new running back.
Fisto paused briefly before answering. “I don’t know what you mean, everything I said on that video was totally my initiative and definitely not coerced.”
“Blink twice if you are under duress.”
“Say less.” Russet hangs up and immediately puts up the Cat Signal™. He started the car back up, executed a flawless 3 point road turn, and floored it on his way back to San Jose. He has implemented the Sabercat Hostage Rescue Protocol and every player on the team should be making their way to the stadium while he drives back. On the way, he’s mentally assigning roles for each player and walking through different scenarios of how the rescue could play out. He has prepared for this moment once a week for every single week of tenure, but he never thought in a million years it would ever come to life. You’d think with all that preparation he would be ready and yet as he drives his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s penne. He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to rescue but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down, the podcast goes so loud. He opens his mouth but the words won’t come out, he’s choking how? OCO is jokin now. The clock’s run out, time’s up, over, blaow. He snaps back to reality and keeps walking himself through the protocol.
Otato peels into the stadium parking lot and mentally notes how everyone is here, step 1 of the protocol has succeeded. He exits the Catmobile and starts barking orders at the team.
“Orange Julius, Josh Patterson, Blacksmith Andre, and Ronald McDonald, get in position!”
*Narrator voice* ‘Get in position for what?’ you might ask, and that would be a good question. I think Russet’s pals were too sweaty at this point. *End narrator voice*
“Blacksmith Andre run interference! Kenny McCormick, since Beck trusts you, you are going to infiltrate and be a honeypot! DJ Maclean, Owen Farrell, Cruella de Ville, you three work with your international assets to establish a network of safehouses! Local Cryptid, you are going to skulk menacingly outside the hostage site! Modest Mussorgsky, hack the mainframe! Bruci Talis, plant and test bugs in the hostage location! The Red Panda, convince Beck that red pandas are the superior mustelid aka better than otters!”
“Who’s Beck?”
“Otto the Orange, Keanu Calhoun, Kenny Szymorski, you three combine and show Beck the true power of the frosty orange hall! Mega Tron and Micah Dixon, you two set up shot in front of the hostage location. Mega Tron throw bombs to yourself and Micah Dixon wear your scary goalie mask! Booter McGavin, set up the kicking battery and lob balls through the windows! Maple Dogwood, wait by the front door and bark if Beck comes out! Matthew Bolt, zap’em! Alex Armstrong, use your strong arms to chop down some trees and set up blockades at exit routes from the hostage location!”
“Okay cats, you have your orders. Let’s load up in the party bus and head to the site.” Russ is feeling good about this.
“Mr. Otato, what are we supposed to do?” Brooks Piggott and Tha Thu Craicte ask together.
“Don’t worry about that yet, you will know when the time comes.” Russ replies.
The team gathers together in the party bus and heads out through the streets of San Jose. The background of Fisto’s viral Twitter video was his newly purchased waterfront property in Alviso, a logical place for a Jedi Master to want to live. Unfortunately this is about a 25 minute drive from the stadium so everyone had time to sit and stew in what was happening around them. A teammate being kidnapped by a conference rival could have so many implications, but at the forefront of most of their minds was to simply ensure the safe return of their teammate. One of the exceptions being The Red Panda, who is still trying to figure out who Beck is.
They arrive at the Fisto residence and can immediately tell they are in the right place, as all the doors, windows, and blinds are shut. Oh also there is a giant OCO themed van parked across the street, no one ever accused OCO of being smart.
GM Russet P. Otato disembarks the party bus on what is perhaps his most important mission to date in life, a hostage rescue. He sets up shop on the front lawn while the rest of the team begins to carry out their orders. Everything is going swimmingly to this point, McCormick has initiated the HoneyPot project, the Brits have established safe houses, The Red Panda is shouting red panda facts; Russet is feeling confident about their chances.
As Booter is launching balls through the windows, Dogwood is positioned at the front door, and Armstrong is finishing his exit route barricades, Beck finally makes an appearance as he appears to attempt to dash out the back door hoping to sneak away with no repercussions. That is until he realizes that the Sabercat Hostage Rescue Protocol is more robust than he expected and he can’t quite escape.
Beck returns inside and like a typical Orange County, CA resident, he makes the situation about money. He turns this into a ransom situation and through a megaphone, he shouts out his demand of 1 billion dollars.
Brooks Piggott springs into action like a sleeper agent that was just activated and says “I have $3!”
Russet whips out his own megaphone. “As you can see, Beck, you are surrounded and we are neither willing nor capable of meeting your ransom demands. The way I see it, you have two options. You can release Kit Fisto immediately and we will let the authorities deal with you or we can have Deadlyplayer deadly you, player. And nobody wants that.”
Within 30 seconds, Fisto was walking out the front door and the cops that Mr. Otato called moments earlier were arriving to take Beck away.
Kit Fisto smugly walks past Russet P. Otato without saying a word.
Russet turns around, perplexed and says “You’re welcome Kit.”
Fisto stops and faces his GM, “No, Russet, you are welcome. I just single handedly orchestrated the greatest team building exercise in team history. Pick your jaw up off the floor and let’s go get some lunch, I’m sure you’ve worked up an appetite and I want some fries.”