03-22-2024, 06:40 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-23-2024, 09:31 AM by wetwilleh. Edited 1 time in total.)
Dear readers,
I really was not going to write about this. I was not going to give this the time of day. However, you kick the hornet’s nest enough times, and you’re surely going to get stung. What am I referring to, of course? None other than the so-called “machinations” of the Mirror’s very own ex-intern, the fearless yapper himself, McGriddy.
Griddy, Griddy, Griddy. One of the league’s most prolific yappers, an ACT mastermind, who licks his chops at the ability to gloat. We hired him to the Mirror as Bamford’s replacement Internal Specialist, who showed great promise in writing media and helping us hatch schemes against our sworn nemesis, none other than the DIABOLICAL Zenzeroni Xystarch II.
However, some time after Xystarch’s word vomit crusade against the Mirror (which will go down in legend as the most brain cells I have lost at a singular instant in time while reading said article), the young Griddle’s ACT-enriched mind was corrupted by the noodle man. By the end of S46, he decided to BETRAY the Mirror, LEAK chats to Xystarch, and make a BREAK for it like a bandit, all in some twisted gambit to take down the same Mirror he swore allegiance to.
McGriddy, in his infinite rizz-dom—or lack thereof—has once again taken it upon himself to launch a tired trope tirade against the ISFL Weekly Mirror AND Head Office (HO), spewing audacious claims and wild accusations with reckless abandon, something the Mirror would surely never do.
While McGriddy may fancy himself as a crusader for truth—what did he name himself, “ISFL Truth Writer”?—his ramblings serve only to highlight his own INCOMPETENCE and DELUSION. Yes, I’ll throw him a gumball, he DID manage to stumble upon the glaringly obvious fact that HO is SINISTER—a point the Mirror has been hammering home for weeks—but his attempts to raise any sort of damning evidence against them fell flat, much like his tenure at our esteemed publication.
And let us not forget McGriddy's laughable attempts to go on a villainous monologue for some nefarious plot he’s hatching against the Gemini award, as well as his misguided alliance with the notorious Zenzeroni Xystarch II—a partnership even Zenzy himself was quick to distance himself from. It seems McGriddy's talent for talking in circles about nothing knows no bounds, as he rambled on for a thousand words without ever managing to make a coherent point, that hadn’t ALREADY been debunked.
There’s no better place to start than the very beginning, reader. So, let me take you back to a couple of days ago, when Griddy so ominously drops the fact that he is planning to hatch his media tirade (because, of course, he could never miss a chance to fling some mud at the WEAKLY Mirror, as he LOVES to call us)...
…without further ado, I bring you: ISFL Truth Part 1 - My rants about the ISFL WEAKLY Mirror and random things, by McGriddy10, AKA “ISFL Truth Writer”.
—“Hello and welcome to part 1 of this new series. I am your host McGriddy and I have learned from the master of ISFL Media in Zenzeroni Xystarch II.”
Wrong. Zenzeroni is not the master of media. Objectively, that’s Baron. Unobjectively, since this is my opinion column, it’s me.
—“The first topic I’m going to discuss is how the Weakly Mirror absolutely mistreats their employees. This is shown through how they treated me and Bamford. During the contract negotiations…”
Please tell me we’re not still going on about the contract. The dead horse has already been beaten. But, since you’re playing into one of my weaknesses, I can’t STAND to not have the last word…we can talk about the contract.
—“...Bamford wanted 10% of the payout for each article…”
Objectively true. Bamford agreed to a 10% payout, as has been proven multiple times. A contract is a deal struck between two parties, in which each party stands to get some sort of benefit, and both parties agree on the terms. Bamford provided his labor in exchange for a 10% cut of the media payout, which we both agreed to. However, when somebody does not fulfill their end of the deal, the other party does not have to feel obligated to fulfill their end either.
—“…but instead jreed and griis decided to reduce it to 1% without discussing with Bamford first. This led to Bamford quitting as the WEAKLY Mirror intern.”
Also, sort of true. We reduced his pay to 1% because as I wrote previously the week that Bamford didn’t write anything or contribute in any way, he said VERBATIM: “I guess I’ll take a percent for no work” (Bamford, 2024). I don’t understand what you people don’t comprehend about this, you don’t do work, you don’t get paid. Also, Bamford got fired, he did not quit.
—“Enter me, they only paid me 10%...”
Objectively true. You agreed to this.
—“…while my friend Zenzeroni was offering me 30%.”
Objectively also true that Xystarch offered you 30%. I just told you that Xystarch is a nutjob, which is ALSO objectively true, but I don’t see how that’s prudent.
—“I declined because I had been brainwashed by both jreed and griis to see that they are the only ones that speak the truth.”
HUH???
—“In fact, the only time they asked for me to write something for their poverty media group, it was to introduce who their new intern was and to also slander Bamford.”
This is partially true, because the only thing you DID write for us that made it into the final copy was your introduction piece. However, this is also blatantly untrue, because we asked for your input on MANY occasions for things in stories, and ran drafts by you before we aired articles. Such is one example, from when we asked your opinion on how to build the proper burger:
The ISFL Weekly Mirror Discord chat, Feb 28, 2024.
—“During my short time working for the Weakly Mirror, I had numerous conversations with Zenzeroni to gain more insight as to how corrupt the Weakly Mirror actually was.”
Yes, and I had numerous conversations with Zenzy telling me my days were numbered, and it looks like that prediction of my downfall was about as accurate as Y2K.
—“Zenzeroni provided me with valuable information that I can not disclose in this article…”
Okay, so, basically what you mean by this is that you don’t have the evidence to back this claim up (but now that I’ve spoken this into existence God forbid another 30,000 word Zenzy bomb is coming my way).
“…but anyways I started slowly separating myself from the Weakly Mirror and started working as a double agent to take down the Weakly Mirror and to boost ISFL media production in general. So far, this has worked exactly how I planned it. Both Zenzeroni and I are working on some elaborate schemes to unfold exactly how to monopolize the ISFL Media sector and win Gemini’s each season.”
Yes, this was a real tactical move to put on the front page of your article. This is some Doofenshmirtz-level villain monologuing when he tells Perry the Platypus exactly how he’s going to unleash chaos upon the world. However, your gaffable short sightedness here might be your ultimate blunder…
Uh oh! Well, it looks like XYSTARCH was not on board with your little “operation” to monopolize ISFL Media and farm Geminis! In fact, he immediately distanced himself, and said absolutely not. So, it looks like you’re in this plot for you, yourself, and you.
Xystarch’s response to ISFL Truth Part 1, March 20, 2024.
—“I know the Weakly Mirror ain’t winning anything while I’m around in the media sector.”
Well, at least we got two of the most legendary copypastas from my limited time in the ISFL out of this absolute gem of an article. I can commend you for that much, Mr. Griddle.
However, I would be remiss if I did not elucidate my dear readers on a few fun TIDBITS that I’ve become privy to from my extra hours snooping around the annals of the ISFL Discord, as any good journalist would do. Let’s start off, of course, with Griddy’s supposed supernatural intelligence.
The Gridster has become a bit of a household name for his gloating about his ACT score—an impressive feat, to be sure—how he’s going to get a massive scholarship to college and all that. However, I assert that his stupendous smarts may be no more than a simple ruse. After discourse that the year 1995 was closer to the moon landing then it is to today’s date, the esteemed McGriddy took it upon himself to say that this was actually NOT true. The effervescent roving reporter Brad Woof was quick to sniff up this lapse in mathematical reasoning:
In fact, thank you for reminding me that it was indeed McGriddy that LEAKED his own TRANSCRIPT—BASICALLY DOXXED HIMSELF. Do you call that the mark of a literary laureate worthy of genius status and ESPECIALLY GEMINIS, dear reader?
Griddy also claims to be the foremost expert on refrigerators, a topic I assure you, reader, he knows absolutely nothing about. Riddle me this—have you ever OWNED a refrigerator? Have you ever gone to Menard’s on a Saturday to open and shut some drawers, put your hands on your hips, and ask about 0 APR financing? Yeah I didn’t think so pal.
And, of course, let us not forget the Griddle’s immense propensity for rizz, as he so often enjoys reminding the other citizens of the ISFL. Every day, I hear some new tale unraveling about his infinite ability to confidently spit game and woo his beloved. Griddy, no hate, I am happy for you AND your rizz. However, in my ever-present quest for truth, I had to crunch the numbers and see if your tall claims were REALLY everything they were cut out to be.
Using the ISFL Weekly Mirror’s most advanced data analytic strategies as well as the US Census Bureau’s most up-to-date database, we can begin to UNRAVEL the CHANCES that Griddy actually has as much rizz as he claims.
We need to know the two most important variables of rizz for a man: HEIGHT, and INCOME. In order to solve for the first, I needed to ask a seemingly innocuous question in Gen Chat, as to not raise any feathers:
It also would seem that Xystarch cannot RESIST weaseling his way into any conversation that manages to keep my name in his mouth, but I rest my case, as that is not the point of today’s study. Thankfully, another glutenous guarantor came to my rescue, as Private Penne assured me the Griddle man stands a whopping six foot three. As you know, you must stand at or above six feet to have rizz, this is common law.
Now, there is one thing we do know about the Gridster. He is LOADED. He’s made claims that he nets more than $400,000 a year in income. That's a serious amount of rizz! Okay, now that we have our variables, let’s crunch the numbers.
UNFORTUNATELY for the Gridster, the likelihood of being this majestic is .012%, which means that out of 330 million Americans, he is one of only 39,600, about the population of Brookfield, Wisconsin. Griddy, Griddy, Griddy, up to your usual tricks. You may be a Vegas man, but I’m not buying these odds.
So, dear reader, I dare to make a bold assertion here at my paper: the EVIDENCE has shown that... McGriddy does NOT have rizz, and does NOT report the truth!
Therefore, I call for him to step down from his title as ISFL Truth Writer, and abandon the nickname McRizzy from any username. You are merely just a Griddy, and I’m sorry that the cold hard truth had to come out this way, but you forced my hand.
So, as I conclude this letter, dear reader, I want to remind you of what the ISFL Weekly Mirror stands for. The ISFL Weekly Mirror remains steadfast in our ultimate commitment to uncovering the TRUTH and holding those who wish to seed lies and deceit accountable. While McGriddy may flounder in his feeble attempts to emulate our journalistic prowess, we will continue to shine a LIGHT on the dark underbelly of the league, exposing corruption wherever it may lurk.
Yours truly,
ISFL Weekly Mirror Senior Correspondent.
ISFL WEEKLY MIRROR SENIOR CORRESPONDENT
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