04-03-2024, 09:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-09-2024, 11:21 AM by lemonoppy. Edited 3 times in total.)
What does it take to be a premier GM? People skills? Leadership? League knowledge? All of these can be argued as essential traits one must possess to succeed at the pinnacle of summation sports; an ISFL General Manager. I considered many of these factors as I put together one hell of a ranking that will soon follow this introduction. First things first, GMs are spoiled and never have to feel stress when it comes to getting drafted and ranked upon draft boards. I decided to flip the table on them by creating a GM power ranking. The point of this should be to rank GMs in a purely objective matter when it comes to accomplishments and other measurable aspects. But, I said fuck all of that and created my own brilliant questionnaire to truly test if these “GMs” truly have what it takes to be a leader of a virtual football organization. No apologies for the delay you media-hungry fucks
(yes, I am aware some have retired please bitch in the comments and my forever unpaid assistant @"Bamford13" will get to them).
The questions were as follows:
Okay first things first, can you do a backflip if need be?
Best answer: (AUS) Unconfident - “No, Im a sim league gm, i can barely do a push up :kek:”
What is the best throwback video game?
Best answer: (COL) iStegosaurus - “Super Mario Sunshine. I never beat it, I should try to. Dope game. Behind Scooby Doo Night of 100 Frights and I wanna say one of the Harry Potter games for Gamecube (#2 probably).”
If you had to banish your worst enemy to a state which state would that be? You may include a specific town if need be.
Best answer: (NOLA) toofpete - “I would banish them to Gilroy, CA with no ability to explore the rest of the state. They have to stay in Gilroy... It's the Garlic Town. It smells like garlic and they even have a garlic festival. Good luck smelling garlic all the time, enemies.”
Is Grant MacDonald one of the most influential music recording artists of the modern era?
Best answer: (COL) iStegosaurus - “Did Grant MacDonald walk so Dixon Dallas could run?”
What are the odds you could kill a real-life version of your mascot?
Best answer: (OCO) Beck - “Oh yeah I would punt an otter pat McAfee style if I had to.”
Following up with that. If you have been falsely accused of a crime and the only way out is trial by combat who are you putting in the arena? This can be anyone.
Best answer: (HON) ICebear - “Ferdinand” (Yes Ferdinand the bull from the animated movie/story).
Please express how you would celebrate that victory via gif.
Best Answer: TIE (NYS) Repgnar & Wiz - “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBxRLw_YuSw&pp=ygUQZ29yaWxsYSBzcGlubmluZw%3D%3D” and yes they both sent me the exact same thing.
Finally, where do you believe you should fall on my draft board? The GM class this year is chock-full of talent so be fair and honest.
For the sake of this article, I will not be including iStegosaurus’ take but holy shit, my man broke down the league and everyone’s contributions and had great things to say about each GM. Props to Stego, he killed it on this one.
With that being said it is time for the first rendition of the power rankings in order to humble, bribe, and appease these General Managers. May the odds be ever in your favor.
1. @IceBear32
Fuck it, gimme the practical dad of the league number one. Leader of the honoLuLu stingrays or whatever, senor ice had some solid responses and is a staple of the league. Very very active in the general chat and the legendary Iceshock sticker is one for the Hall of Fame. Very versatile GM despite the complete and utter downfall of his aging organization. As a disclaimer, Mr. Icebear in absolutely no way bribed me in order to climb this high in the rankings. He definitely didn't slide me a locker room invite early in order for me to be the first S46 player in the Honolulu discord. Is he also blaming the downfall of his team entirely on drafting @griis as if he is a curse and a great mistake? Yes (common icebear W). Lastly, he is not holding my family hostage or anything in a secure warehouse in the state of Delaware (please let them go, it's been months). It's all sunshine and rainbows with the bear and the league wouldn’t be the same without Papa-Ice.
2. @iStegosauruz
If this ranking was based purely on responses to my genius questionnaire alone Stego would have taken the top spot. Unfortunately, Stego is about as active in chat as an emo girl’s father figure, so I had to bump him down a spot. Stego brought out the SCOOBY DOO NIGHT OF 100 FRIGHTS reference and is well-versed in the ways of Ram Ranch, something many other GMs failed to understand. Leading a team like Colorado to any sort of playoff push is impressive, speaking he had to work with “E” for help (I will get to that STL slanderer later). coL plummeted last year but you never know where this team can go as Stego seems to be a great GM and could bring them back any season. Secondary award to Stego for being the most fun GM to do trades with according to one of my sources whose name doesn’t rhyme with RoofMeat.
3. @unconfident
The young buck and GM of the former champions, UC got himself a top 3 placement. UC’s exquisite knowledge of categories such as but not limited to Ram Ranch lore, shitty Disney Wii games, and the self-proclaimed “I’m not a boomer” buff slates this chap up high in my power rankings/mock draft. Do you want an active GM, who sprinkles in humor, and knows the state or Arkansas provides nothing of significance to the world? Yes? Then UC is your guy. Admittedly UC had some of the best answers to my tactical questions to determine his grit, tenacity, and raw power. I will conclude with the fact that when asked who he would want to fight on his behalf in a gladiatorial arena, he responded with how he would kick the shit out of his manager instead, pure brilliance.
4. @jeffie43
Man, the vibes with Jeffie were just so damn good. If this ranking was solely based on the conversation I had after the questions I hit the GMs with, Jeffie would take the gold. The Canadian GM that manages within his home country is a knowledgeable fella with both Pokemon knowledge and a sick Demon Slayer tattoo. Bringing back YKW from dead last to the Ultimini is not easy to do, and having a GM anyone would want to talk to for hours on end is the key to keeping a great community together. I wish him the best on his journey to start One Piece.
5. @Beck
HECK YEAH BECK. Am I biased? Absolutely. But this is my power rankings, and the father of the Otters is one hell of a GM. Beck cares so deeply about the Otters that when asked if he would punt one in real life he initially refused. After I (forced) recommended him to do so in this fictitious scenario Beck believed he would go full Pat McAfee booting that river fuzzball seventy yards down the field. Beck is one of the few GMs that I felt like I could talk to about anything. Hell when scouting me came around him and I had a fantastic conversation about possibilities on where I could land. Beck’s willingness to do whatever it takes in order to improve his draft stock coupled with the fact that his player was number one in TPE (at the time of the interview) sets Beck safely in the top five. Thanks for drafting me Beck (and Cord too) I’m proud to call OCO home.
6. @wizard_literal
Leader of the Apes out in New York Wiz scored quite well on all categories. As a matter of fact, NYS were the first pair to get back to me, so my thanks go out to them. My dear coven teammate in ToS and a connoisseur of Super Metroid how could anyone dislike Wiz? Wiz stays very active in chat despite the gods nerfing him with “Boomerism”. The ability to admit to ignorance yet openly accept that Grant MacDonald may in fact be the goat was a point in Wiz’s favor. Between nominating THE Snake Pisslin as his battle champion and the Koko dance as the GIF of choice there is no doubt in my mind Wiz ranks among the upper echelon of GMs.
7. @Dewalt27
Despite running a poverty franchise in Berlin, the only team who has yet to hoist the Ultimus and bungled the draft in selecting Jreed in S46, I find myself having to rank Dewalt very high. First things first congrats to Dewalt on basically running the Fire Salamanders solo for at least one season. That’s the only thing to celebrate as Dewalt is also forsaken as he waits in exile trapped in the barren land known as “Iowa”. My trusted sources have yet to confirm whether this is a habitable zone or if any other intelligent life (Not that Dewey counts) are in the area. Dewalt did take a moment to roast my dear Royals and I couldn’t let that slide elsewise he may be top five. The knowledge that Nebraska is an objectively shit state and mentioning Blitz 2000 were huge bonus points for Dewalt. Dewalt is very inquisitive as he inquired about if a certain person could hold a Whopper or not in their tiny hands. Dewalt requested I rank him below a certain someone and above the one team. His dedication to this cause was impressive as he was willing to go very low to ensure their downfall. We love that here at the GM power rankings.
8. @Painted
Disclaimer: Despite what this man said I did not fall for any sort of gambit, and I cannot add 25+25. The self-proclaimed F tier GM and second r(ate)ound pick for Chicago in S28 brings an interesting personality to the GM mix. Rumor has it Painted is illegally importing a flock of penguins to his house at this very hour and is expected to stage some sort of riot with his penguin army. Between eternally trapping his worst enemy in a state of despair or Ohio (can’t tell which is worse) and enjoying the look of The Moon from Majora’s Mask, Painted came locked and loaded with some of the best answers to my questionnaire. Now who would this whimsical GM bring to fight on his behalf? Fucking Rayquaza. Yep, Checks out. Despite being the inferior Chicago GM I cannot help but put Painted high up on this ranking. Congrats Painted you were wrong, but I will count you as an honorary F tier GM in my heart.
9. @RussDrivesTheBus
All aboard the bus kiddos, get in your seats as one of the most recent MDMs is here to GM. Admittedly, Russ kicked my ass in fantasy a few seasons ago, being the sole reason, I didn’t finish first in that group, and I’m still pissed about that, I won’t lie. Putting that aside, there is no doubt Russ’ contributions to the league are significant. Russ claims to be one of the few GMs that can do a backflip on command. While my sources have yet to verify this information, I’m going to take his word for this. Why Russ would banish his worst enemy to Opelousas, Louisiana is beyond me, but speaking that the “Louisiana Orphan Train Museum” is listed in the top five of most fun things to do in this town it’s starting to make more sense. His undying confidence in his combative abilities against small animals is impressive. In short, Russ is a solid selection and deserves to be up here despite how bad I would kick his ass in NBA Street.
10. @TubaDeus
I am very thankful that the Civilization V god himself graced me with an interview. While it is concerning that he has the playtime of close to a year in game, it is equally as impressive that he can run a team while doing so. The Yellowknife turnaround was unexpected to say the least. Going from dead last to making the Ultimus is quite a feat. I'm sure Tuba’s personality kept his locker room optimistic after reaching the low they did. Tuba’s response of “Looks awkwardly at the literal embodiment of death” when asked if he could kill a Wraith embodies the humorous guy that is Tuba. Tuba is the perfect balance of serious and comedical, can joke around all the time yet knows how to get shit done. A true leader and kickass father, I have nothing but respect for Tuba and welcome him into our top ten.
11. @Repgnar
This Cubone loving GM completes the other half of the Silverback GM duo. First off props to both of you for sending the EXACT same gif to me. Koko Dance FTW. Repgnar’s logic behind all of his answers was beautiful. While I think Alaska may be a great state to be banished to, knowing your worst enemy hates the remote wilderness and must deal with the sun for a full twenty-four hours on some days is the perfect level of pettiness and strategy I love. A man “just here for the process” in terms of the draft gives off the vibe of a true team player which I believe shows in Rep’s leadership style of never being above anything as a GM. This kind of attitude translates well in a war room and keeps the overall mood up which is much needed with how New York has been over the past few seasons. It was duly noted Rep is willing to jump off a cliff for the benefit of us (“an okayish sized cliff” I’m counting it as a cliff anyways). It's a good thing Cubone can use the move Bone Club, because will be the only relevant club to Rep as he narrowly misses out on the club known as “AJ’s Top Ten”.
12. @MMFLEX
Flex did in fact flex during his interview. First up he chose me as his champion to fight on his behalf. Not as a bid of faith to me but rather, a threat that I was the one in danger here not him. I’m terrified of the competition as four people chose Jon “Bones” Jones as their champion (really unique y’all) who will likely put me to an eternal sleep in under 4 seconds. Thanks, Flex. The second half of the Honolulu dynasty that just fell, Flex is integral in the league especially when it comes to the fantasy side of things. I suck at fantasy so minus one point for you Flex. Jokes aside he seemed to be the perfect pairing for Icebear and brought Honolulu to the peak of the league. Bonus points for the dog butt scoot gif commonly associated with his player Fig Newton.
13. @UptownCord
The second of the great leaders that represent Orange County is none other than the one rocking the Eeyore PFP, Uptown Cord. He also claims the illustrious title of “AJ’s Biggest Harasser” of asking me when the GM Mock will be posted. Big bonus points were awarded to Cord for quoting an NBA player I went to school with when he said, “I think I’m top five”. Much to Cord’s chagrin I will not be ranking him that high but there is always room for improvement and the top half of this group is an insanely talented bunch. While Cord cannot achieve the feat of doing a backflip his love for Tetris and the early 2010s meme scene raised his rank in my mind. Despite his doubts about defeating an Otter in combat I think Cord is one kickass GM and I’m proud to say he is leading my first ISFL team.
14. @negs
The Cape Town dream team of dog PFPs is another franchise home to two equally valuable GMs. Negs’ counterpart LCC will take the lower position sadly as he fell gambit to the Pokémon 218 bit. Negs, now a proud London Royal and carrying the TE scene on his back like Higbee could never do, brings his many talents and hot takes to the table. Negs implied that the Crimson Tide are the worst and that’s something I can appreciate yet, also fear as I will be taking a trip down to dreaded Tuscaloosa in the fall. Negs had one answer that was arguably above all else when he elected Gustavo Rocqué as his champion to fight to the death on his behalf. While there are allegations of his food takes being horrendous that have severely swayed my trust in his culinary expertise, I’ll give Negs the benefit of the doubt that his taste can improve one day.
15. @swoosh
The self-proclaimed Mr. Irrelevant and avid nuggies fan may be upset that I am ranking him higher than last place. The creator of one of the most dominant cornerbacks in the league in “Sexy” Legs McMillion, who dominates WRs despite missing their top half, is one hell of a GM. He is one who both refuses to engage in combat with his mascot and has the impressive talent of doing a flip and landing on his back. I think Swoosh has done great things with Baltimore as they are a top team in the league. They did choke vs. YKW last season so minus some points there but once again I really appreciate someone who takes the team on his back to manage as Swoosh did. When Dudeman left, Swoosh still ensured the team's success and quickly found a great replacement. When asked if he would “trade more picks away” in order to draft me he promptly responded, “don’t tempt me with a good time”. Here’s to more Baltimore picks being traded up and more dino nuggies to be consumed in 2024.
16. @PugWalrus
Pug couldn’t have said it better when he said that “Ram Ranch changed the music landscape forever” The loyal Browns fan is a strong player in the GM game despite not being able to back flip and suffering from being a Boomer. I'm now realizing those two things may in fact be related. Pug was the last great Portland GM. Ever since then things are well, what they are now. Pug’s GIF game went hard won’t lie even Rizzard of Oz levels on the very last one. W Pug. He did shit on Wyoming which is an objectively bad state but does have a beautiful landscape so it’s not THAT bad yall. Ole Yeller would be screaming at this here Old Yapper. Overall, it’s hard not to love Pug and the energy he brings to the table quality GM and his ranking here really shows how deep the pool of quality GMs goes.
17. @Kotasa
The man who announced my most coveted award: Most Dedicated Member DSFL S45, Kotasa himself. Considered one of the league’s many greats and truly a user who belongs in the Hall of Fame. Kotasa the wise, requested that his worst enemy be vanquished to the poverty state of Wisconsin. Excellent choice Mr. K, cheese curds are overrated anyways. Why isn’t Kotasa ranked higher you might ask? Well, he gave the most ChatGPT answer I've ever seen when asked about the Ram Ranch series. This alone caused me to lose significant trust in the validity of his responses and impacted his position to climb higher in the rankings. Nevertheless, Kotasa’s involvement in league awards and the all-pro team show a special dedication to the league I cannot overlook. Plus he’s a One Piece fan which will always be a bonus in my mind. He now goes off into retirement one of the league’s greatest to ever do it. (Arizona is still a cult and he may have brainwashed everyone including me while I’m writing this).
18. @ckroyal92
I feel bad ranking CK here. I know that he is a league legend and considered one of the GOATs. I just came into the league later on and never got to witness prime CK for myself. CK has the most wins in the league out of any GM all time (and the most losses but who cares). Alongside winning three out of the four Ultimus’ he GMed CK very may be the ISFL’s version of Bill Belichick (one could say Jeff Fisher but I watched him burn the STL Rams to the ground and CK seems better than that guy). Moreso in Jeff Fisher’s style, CK’s answers scored either max or minimum more than once. Alaska is a great state CK, you should visit sometime. That being said, the practicality, boomer humor, and intelligence that coupled CK’s answers makes it hard for me to doubt this man was one of the greats in the ISFL. Happy Retirement CK!
19. @lemonoppy
I swear to God I'm being Mandela effected and his name was LemonPoppy this whole time, I don't know what sort of spell he cast but I’m not crazy. Okay back from my little psychotic rant and onto more logical claims, Lemon won the DSFL MDM a few seasons before I did and that’s something I can truly respect. The current leader aka Grand Shaman of the cult known as the Arizona Outlaws is a relatively strong GM. What makes Lemon stand out beyond his GM abilities is what he has provided the league as a whole. Lemon’s innovation when it comes to building new league related bots and websites helped him secure an MDM. I think Lemon will be a GM that will continue to climb as I release these rankings throughout my time in the ISFL (Yanno like six months at a time despite me promising them to come much sooner).
20. @toofpete
Ah the radio host. Or now… former radio host? I hope unemployment has treated the Houston native pleasantly. Aldi’s version of Tyler1 did quite well in his interview with me. The awareness of the Gilroy Garlic festival is just the kind of useless knowledge that I value dearly. Who knows when I’ll need to vanquish a vampire anyways. Building up a team after being handed some of the worst cards to start is not easy. Toof’s perseverance and dad lore help him each and every day as he looks to keep the morale high in his locker room. Maybe one day NOLA can in fact beat OCO for once (Sources are significantly doubting this last sentence as it has been literal years).
21. @Sizz
Another one of London’s greats falls here on the GM rankings. The retro gaming fanatic and 80s/90s rap consumer is quite the GM. While more reserved in larger general chats from my experience when Sizz does chime is its gold. Sizz put Gandalf in the ring to battle on his behalf which was a unique selection. Anyone who would want to smoke up with Gandalf sounds like a great vibe to me. Unfortunately Sizz says that he is also lacking in hand-to-fin combat and may not be able to take down a Sailfish. I guess he will also be joining ABH and I on our future fishing (Attack on Sailfish) trip.
22. @SwankyPants31
Swanky is the last GM I had the effort to interview for this round. Apologies to Zeagle, ElectricTree, Tmoney, and everyone else who I quite frankly didn’t feel like interviewing as this project was delayed many times, but fear not as this will be a series. While Swanky may have been the last to hear from me, that didn’t stop him from reaching up to grab a solid spot in the rankings. The mental gymnastics expert and DBZ fan joined a highly talented group of GMs after a brief hiatus. I think this is a fair temporary placement as Swanky is yet another GM who could very well shoot up in the rankings over time.
23. @lordcoolcats
The Lord of Cool Cats himself, singer of many songs during the draft and an avid One Piece fan (the last part was really pulling up his points) will now face judgment. Despite Dewalt’s requests, I do have LCC beneath Dewey (LCC if you have blackmail on Dewalt feel free to release it now). Now LCC’s willingness to do whatever the team needs does not go overlooked. Now I am deeply concerned about what would happen if we took him to a trampoline park as it apparently may turn fatal?!? There have been reports that LCC also clubs baby seals. While this has not been confirmed, one of my sources clarified saying that LCC brings the seals to nightclubs rather than whacking them with a stick. While I have not worked under or alongside LCC in any sports sim setting I'm confident LCC brings a great vibe to any locker room he’s in despite his gullibility when it comes to my gambits.
24. @abh89
A Florida man. Well, the Florida Gators have fallen from grace and are now a poverty SEC team, so I feel bad despite the fanbase ABH belongs to being who they are. My sources have yet to witness any Florida man activity committed by ABH including but not limited to too short jorts and ingesting a variety of substances while harassing other patrons at a Subway. His ability in hand to fin combat is a severe concern to me as aquatic combat is highly necessary as a GM. An NBA Jam fan that is a historic London GM really brings some boomshakalaka to ABH’s game. While banishing your worst enemy to Mississippi was an interesting selection, we value unique answers here at the rankings. While ABH may have thought he deserved higher, I’ll keep him here temporarily until he and I catch a sailfish so I can see the duel for myself.
25. @firstfray
The first of the Chicago GMs selected in the S28 draft and clearly the right choice as who in their right mind could take Painted R1. While not being able to do a backflip and the lack of knowledge in Grant MacDonals’s musical genius, Fray really is a quality GM. Proudly pooping on the state of Ohio was a W. Sadly he GMs the team in Chicago. As a St. Louis native this pains me dearly to admit Chicago actually did something intelligent for once in its pitiful existence. He’s gonna be pissed as “[I’m going] number 1 or bust”. Well guess Fray is a bust then. Terrible pick and absolute blunder to any team who takes him. Sorry Fray your words not mine.
26. @Ephenssta
The interview was going great. E was a candidate to go mid to high tier based upon the first couple of questions I sent E’s way. Then E blundered. Not just a blunder but a severe BUNGLE. E decided to banish his worst enemy to my hometown and further declared our beloved STL BBQ trash. Colorado could have been the top pair if things would’ve continued as they did from the start, but E decided to throw that all away with a few select words. Fortunately, E did bring it back at the very end nominating the unique selection of Aragon from LOTR as his champion and he gave me league insight. E is/was a member of the Battleborn so you gotta have some love for a teammate in the J with me.
27. @"baz1757"
Baz, Baz, Baz. What a guy. Unfortunately for whatever reason on my totally unbiased scoring system Baz’s responses had the excitement factor of white bread, watching paint dry, and a 50 Shades of Grey spinoff titled 50 Shades of Beige which is focused around an accountant that gets zero play in the middle of a small town in North Dakota. In short Baz didn’t stick out with many of his responses. His answers weren’t bad yet lacked the juice needed to climb above the other GMs. I have a lot of respect for someone who keeps a team optimistic as the Second Line are undoubtedly the Cleveland Browns of the ISFL. Sorry Baz, someone had to be bottom three.
28. @r0tzbua
Well Rotz didn’t answer my very last question which really hurt his score as you may imagine. This is truly sad as in the latter half of the interview he was one of the highest scorers out of all the GMs. Really think it's a shame there was no end result as Rotz very well could’ve made his way to the middle of the pack. Disappointment aside Rotz brought forth some phenomenal stuff with his unique knowledge of Prince Edward Island and admitted to the murder of potentially hundreds of salamanders. Equally as impressive is being from Canada yet knowing that Gary, Indiana is a site of rot in midwestern America. I hope the “big ass hungry rhino” fares well for him in the tournament of champions to come. Rotz thank you for your service and bearing the burden that is having to GM with Dewalt.
29. @dude_man
Well Dudeman gave me three responses before disappearing. I know there may be some other factors going on so I wont roast him. I wish the best for the league legend despite finishing last in the rankings.
Update he responded “I’ve been teased” when I posted the fake version. Confused about his reappearance but alas three answers given earned him only six of the thirty-three available points. Sorry DM.
League Chirps and Love
While a lot of compliments were thrown around it’s always good to have a good sense of the chirps and love that was thrown around. I asked every GM where they believe they rank in the draft/rankings and anything else I should know when making it. Here are the anonymous juicy answers.
“No other GM can touch me when it comes to Tetris”
“Never trust [Icebear]. Icebear should free fall. Tumble down the draft board like an avalanche. Lcc also but he doesn't fall as far”
“No way are we all chalked with talent lmfao, you sure u talking to the right people?”
“I have nothing to say to toofpete”
“As long as I’m ahead of Cord I’ll be happy”
“Whats 25 + 25?
fif-deez nuts in your mouth”
“common Painted L, he do be the worse GM to be fair”
“ Higher than LCC”
“[Beck is] hands down one of the nicest people I've met online”
“I’m the only gm that isn’t a boomer”
“Coward!! Slam these GMs.”
“As long as I'm before negs and icebear, you can draft me anywhere”
“Draft Dewalt before me. He's a sweetie”
“ I wouldn’t be anything without those who came before me and without the great group that manages to keep the league competitive while also being good stewards of a hobby we all love.”
“All I'll really say is that I hope you have Negs in dead last due to his abysmal food takes alone”
“#1 Lcc is the best”
“R0tz better be killing it. Or he's fired”
“If you rank me above LCC i will throw a fit. Lcc is a god Im a filthy peasant But we're both better than that bum ice bear”
“just anywhere ahead of Baltimore is fine”
“But once I get done building they'll all see.... THEY'LL ALLL SEE”
“The one thing I can say for sure is that I'd go ahead of that baz fella in New Orleans.”
“Wizard is clearly 1OA.”
“That was a threat. Glad you understood”
[i]Woah woah woah, AJ you said this was a GM DRAFT. Well shit fuck, I did.
Guess that means I’m going to need some teams and roles to draft each GM to. No, I’m not using the ISFL teams, the AJ’s Nonsensical United Simulators or A.N.U.S for short will be drafting our GMs. Let me introduce you to the seven teams.
Pyongyang Pissmissles (PYP)
Enumclaw Ranch Hands (ERH)
Los Angeles Breathable-Air (LAB)
Florida Grace (FLG)
Crawfordsville Killdeer (CRM)
San Francisco Excrement (SFE)
Sydney Stink (SYS)
In addition to the teams, we need some positions/roles for the GMs to fill in as in order to make a draft logical. This turned out to be quite a challenge and utilizing my minute knowledge on a lot of GMs I’ve grouped them into 6 main categories. The categories are as follows: the Top Dog, the Jester, the Much Loved, the Strategist, the Energizer, and the Young Buck. Now looking at these categories I further determined that the Jester and Much Loved GMs could be lumped into one group and the Energizer and Young Buck roles could also be combined into a role that only needs one or the other. I believe that the Jesters and Much Loved GMs both deal with morale and individual communication with their team via jokes or forging relationships in chat. The Energizers are league veterans who never seem to run out of overflowing optimism and energy while the Young Bucks utilize their youth and innovation skills to produce new bots or generate fresh ideas in the locker room. The Top Dogs stand out as superb all-arounders who are GMs that I could trust with blind faith if they were in charge of my team. Finally the strategists may at times be more reserved than their other GM counterparts but speak up at essential times with their valued insight. The roles were assigned as follows along with denotations for the multi-positional roles.
The Top Dog (TD)[/i]
Icebear, Russ, ABH, Kotasa, CK, Wiz, Tuba
The Jester (J) or The Much Loved (ML)
Painted (J), LCC (J), Negs (ML), Jeffie (ML), Dewalt (ML), Pug (ML), E (J)
The Strategist (S)
Sizz, Baz, Flex, Cord, Fray, Rep, Rotz
The Young Buck (YB) or Energizer (E)
Beck (E), Stego (YB), UC (YB), Lemon (YB), Swanky (E), Toof (E), Swoosh (E)
Pyonyang Pissmissiles
R1P1: Icebear (TD)
R2P7: Painted (J)
R3P1: Swoosh (E)
R4P7: Rotz (S)
Pyongyang puts together quite the squad of GMs in order to bring honor to the glorious leader. The interactions between Ice and Painted would be golden in the locker room. I think that Swoosh can play off of Painted’s humor well. Hell, Rotz is so strategic with who he talks to, he must’ve intentionally never got back to me because he is so dedicated to developing a secret and complex strategy!
Enumclaw Ranch Hands
R1P2: Kotasa (TD)
R2P6: Pug (ML)
R3P2: Repgnar (S)
R4P6: Swanky (E)
Enumclaw has one hell of a unit on their hands. This team is composed of some of the most experienced GMs in the league plus a late round steal. I don’t know how Swanky went this far low with how high his ceiling is. The guy drafting everyone must’ve been a procrastinating dumbass. Watch out for the Ranch Hands; this team has phenomenal leadership.
Florida Grace (FLG)
R1P3: Beck (E)
R2P5: Dewalt (ML)
R3P3: ABH (TD)
R4P5: Baz (S)
Some of you may be wondering why in the hell I don't have Beck in the Top Dog role. This is absolutely not a dig at all, rather a complement as Beck is the best energizer in the league. Sure he can fill the TD role but it would be like telling Adrian Peterson to switch to QB. He’s so good at what he does that I think this is the best role for him. Coupled with two big brains in ABH and Baz with Dewalt who basically solo ran Berlin for a season Florida is loaded.
San Francisco Excrement (SFE)
R1P4: Russ (TD)
R2P4: Flex (S)
R3P4: LCC (J)
R4P4: Toof (E)
A new trend has plopped into the Bay Area and they must embrace it as that’s what SF does best. In my opinion this would be the most polarized LR in the league as we have two serious GMs that are big statistical guys in Russ and Flex coupled with the hilarious LCC and giga-energetic ToofPete.
Crawfordsville Killdeer (CRM)
R1P5: UC (YB)
R2P3: Tuba (TD)
R3P5: Negs (ML)
R4P3: Sizz (S)
Once again, I have concocted one of the most bizarre combos from my GM draft. How this team will fit together is beyond me but each of these GMs are excellent at what they do. With a little bit of team building and chemistry developed this could be a top crew out in Crawfordsville. I highly encourage you all look up what the Crawfordsville monster was because Killdeer are terrifying. (You're welcome Seb)
Sydney Stink (SYS)
R1P6: Stego (YB)
R2P2: Wiz (TD)
R3P6: Jeffie (ML)
R4P2: Fray (S)
The home of stinky HO will host these beauties as they seek to turn the leagues perspective on Australia around. I think this team would be the most slept on despite being loaded with great GMs. Stego, Jeffie, and Wiz were all ranked incredibly high and Fray is the best GM in CHI (Love u Painted). Really think this group would mesh well from the start and have all their ducks in a row before any other team.
Los Angeles Breathable-Air
R1P7: CK (TD)
R2P1: Lemon (YB)
R3P7: Cord (S)
R4P1: E (ML)
Beautiful LA is graced with a team that hopefully can garner some real fans for once in the area. I think this crew has the talents to do well. Lots of experience with Mr. CK coupled with Lemon’s innovative skills will create a strong duo. Cord has a great personality and E is great when coupled with the right GMs.
In conclusion, oh boy this was one hell of a project that I started way long ago. Life comes at you and slaps you sometimes so yes there were delays. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed the final product and thank you to all of the GMs who participated. Seriously, the work all of you do/have done is amazing. I really enjoy this league and hope to join such an amazing group of GMs.
(yes, I am aware some have retired please bitch in the comments and my forever unpaid assistant @"Bamford13" will get to them).
The questions were as follows:
Okay first things first, can you do a backflip if need be?
Best answer: (AUS) Unconfident - “No, Im a sim league gm, i can barely do a push up :kek:”
What is the best throwback video game?
Best answer: (COL) iStegosaurus - “Super Mario Sunshine. I never beat it, I should try to. Dope game. Behind Scooby Doo Night of 100 Frights and I wanna say one of the Harry Potter games for Gamecube (#2 probably).”
If you had to banish your worst enemy to a state which state would that be? You may include a specific town if need be.
Best answer: (NOLA) toofpete - “I would banish them to Gilroy, CA with no ability to explore the rest of the state. They have to stay in Gilroy... It's the Garlic Town. It smells like garlic and they even have a garlic festival. Good luck smelling garlic all the time, enemies.”
Is Grant MacDonald one of the most influential music recording artists of the modern era?
Best answer: (COL) iStegosaurus - “Did Grant MacDonald walk so Dixon Dallas could run?”
What are the odds you could kill a real-life version of your mascot?
Best answer: (OCO) Beck - “Oh yeah I would punt an otter pat McAfee style if I had to.”
Following up with that. If you have been falsely accused of a crime and the only way out is trial by combat who are you putting in the arena? This can be anyone.
Best answer: (HON) ICebear - “Ferdinand” (Yes Ferdinand the bull from the animated movie/story).
Please express how you would celebrate that victory via gif.
Best Answer: TIE (NYS) Repgnar & Wiz - “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBxRLw_YuSw&pp=ygUQZ29yaWxsYSBzcGlubmluZw%3D%3D” and yes they both sent me the exact same thing.
Finally, where do you believe you should fall on my draft board? The GM class this year is chock-full of talent so be fair and honest.
For the sake of this article, I will not be including iStegosaurus’ take but holy shit, my man broke down the league and everyone’s contributions and had great things to say about each GM. Props to Stego, he killed it on this one.
With that being said it is time for the first rendition of the power rankings in order to humble, bribe, and appease these General Managers. May the odds be ever in your favor.
1. @IceBear32
Fuck it, gimme the practical dad of the league number one. Leader of the honoLuLu stingrays or whatever, senor ice had some solid responses and is a staple of the league. Very very active in the general chat and the legendary Iceshock sticker is one for the Hall of Fame. Very versatile GM despite the complete and utter downfall of his aging organization. As a disclaimer, Mr. Icebear in absolutely no way bribed me in order to climb this high in the rankings. He definitely didn't slide me a locker room invite early in order for me to be the first S46 player in the Honolulu discord. Is he also blaming the downfall of his team entirely on drafting @griis as if he is a curse and a great mistake? Yes (common icebear W). Lastly, he is not holding my family hostage or anything in a secure warehouse in the state of Delaware (please let them go, it's been months). It's all sunshine and rainbows with the bear and the league wouldn’t be the same without Papa-Ice.
2. @iStegosauruz
If this ranking was based purely on responses to my genius questionnaire alone Stego would have taken the top spot. Unfortunately, Stego is about as active in chat as an emo girl’s father figure, so I had to bump him down a spot. Stego brought out the SCOOBY DOO NIGHT OF 100 FRIGHTS reference and is well-versed in the ways of Ram Ranch, something many other GMs failed to understand. Leading a team like Colorado to any sort of playoff push is impressive, speaking he had to work with “E” for help (I will get to that STL slanderer later). coL plummeted last year but you never know where this team can go as Stego seems to be a great GM and could bring them back any season. Secondary award to Stego for being the most fun GM to do trades with according to one of my sources whose name doesn’t rhyme with RoofMeat.
3. @unconfident
The young buck and GM of the former champions, UC got himself a top 3 placement. UC’s exquisite knowledge of categories such as but not limited to Ram Ranch lore, shitty Disney Wii games, and the self-proclaimed “I’m not a boomer” buff slates this chap up high in my power rankings/mock draft. Do you want an active GM, who sprinkles in humor, and knows the state or Arkansas provides nothing of significance to the world? Yes? Then UC is your guy. Admittedly UC had some of the best answers to my tactical questions to determine his grit, tenacity, and raw power. I will conclude with the fact that when asked who he would want to fight on his behalf in a gladiatorial arena, he responded with how he would kick the shit out of his manager instead, pure brilliance.
4. @jeffie43
Man, the vibes with Jeffie were just so damn good. If this ranking was solely based on the conversation I had after the questions I hit the GMs with, Jeffie would take the gold. The Canadian GM that manages within his home country is a knowledgeable fella with both Pokemon knowledge and a sick Demon Slayer tattoo. Bringing back YKW from dead last to the Ultimini is not easy to do, and having a GM anyone would want to talk to for hours on end is the key to keeping a great community together. I wish him the best on his journey to start One Piece.
5. @Beck
HECK YEAH BECK. Am I biased? Absolutely. But this is my power rankings, and the father of the Otters is one hell of a GM. Beck cares so deeply about the Otters that when asked if he would punt one in real life he initially refused. After I (forced) recommended him to do so in this fictitious scenario Beck believed he would go full Pat McAfee booting that river fuzzball seventy yards down the field. Beck is one of the few GMs that I felt like I could talk to about anything. Hell when scouting me came around him and I had a fantastic conversation about possibilities on where I could land. Beck’s willingness to do whatever it takes in order to improve his draft stock coupled with the fact that his player was number one in TPE (at the time of the interview) sets Beck safely in the top five. Thanks for drafting me Beck (and Cord too) I’m proud to call OCO home.
6. @wizard_literal
Leader of the Apes out in New York Wiz scored quite well on all categories. As a matter of fact, NYS were the first pair to get back to me, so my thanks go out to them. My dear coven teammate in ToS and a connoisseur of Super Metroid how could anyone dislike Wiz? Wiz stays very active in chat despite the gods nerfing him with “Boomerism”. The ability to admit to ignorance yet openly accept that Grant MacDonald may in fact be the goat was a point in Wiz’s favor. Between nominating THE Snake Pisslin as his battle champion and the Koko dance as the GIF of choice there is no doubt in my mind Wiz ranks among the upper echelon of GMs.
7. @Dewalt27
Despite running a poverty franchise in Berlin, the only team who has yet to hoist the Ultimus and bungled the draft in selecting Jreed in S46, I find myself having to rank Dewalt very high. First things first congrats to Dewalt on basically running the Fire Salamanders solo for at least one season. That’s the only thing to celebrate as Dewalt is also forsaken as he waits in exile trapped in the barren land known as “Iowa”. My trusted sources have yet to confirm whether this is a habitable zone or if any other intelligent life (Not that Dewey counts) are in the area. Dewalt did take a moment to roast my dear Royals and I couldn’t let that slide elsewise he may be top five. The knowledge that Nebraska is an objectively shit state and mentioning Blitz 2000 were huge bonus points for Dewalt. Dewalt is very inquisitive as he inquired about if a certain person could hold a Whopper or not in their tiny hands. Dewalt requested I rank him below a certain someone and above the one team. His dedication to this cause was impressive as he was willing to go very low to ensure their downfall. We love that here at the GM power rankings.
8. @Painted
Disclaimer: Despite what this man said I did not fall for any sort of gambit, and I cannot add 25+25. The self-proclaimed F tier GM and second r(ate)ound pick for Chicago in S28 brings an interesting personality to the GM mix. Rumor has it Painted is illegally importing a flock of penguins to his house at this very hour and is expected to stage some sort of riot with his penguin army. Between eternally trapping his worst enemy in a state of despair or Ohio (can’t tell which is worse) and enjoying the look of The Moon from Majora’s Mask, Painted came locked and loaded with some of the best answers to my questionnaire. Now who would this whimsical GM bring to fight on his behalf? Fucking Rayquaza. Yep, Checks out. Despite being the inferior Chicago GM I cannot help but put Painted high up on this ranking. Congrats Painted you were wrong, but I will count you as an honorary F tier GM in my heart.
9. @RussDrivesTheBus
All aboard the bus kiddos, get in your seats as one of the most recent MDMs is here to GM. Admittedly, Russ kicked my ass in fantasy a few seasons ago, being the sole reason, I didn’t finish first in that group, and I’m still pissed about that, I won’t lie. Putting that aside, there is no doubt Russ’ contributions to the league are significant. Russ claims to be one of the few GMs that can do a backflip on command. While my sources have yet to verify this information, I’m going to take his word for this. Why Russ would banish his worst enemy to Opelousas, Louisiana is beyond me, but speaking that the “Louisiana Orphan Train Museum” is listed in the top five of most fun things to do in this town it’s starting to make more sense. His undying confidence in his combative abilities against small animals is impressive. In short, Russ is a solid selection and deserves to be up here despite how bad I would kick his ass in NBA Street.
10. @TubaDeus
I am very thankful that the Civilization V god himself graced me with an interview. While it is concerning that he has the playtime of close to a year in game, it is equally as impressive that he can run a team while doing so. The Yellowknife turnaround was unexpected to say the least. Going from dead last to making the Ultimus is quite a feat. I'm sure Tuba’s personality kept his locker room optimistic after reaching the low they did. Tuba’s response of “Looks awkwardly at the literal embodiment of death” when asked if he could kill a Wraith embodies the humorous guy that is Tuba. Tuba is the perfect balance of serious and comedical, can joke around all the time yet knows how to get shit done. A true leader and kickass father, I have nothing but respect for Tuba and welcome him into our top ten.
11. @Repgnar
This Cubone loving GM completes the other half of the Silverback GM duo. First off props to both of you for sending the EXACT same gif to me. Koko Dance FTW. Repgnar’s logic behind all of his answers was beautiful. While I think Alaska may be a great state to be banished to, knowing your worst enemy hates the remote wilderness and must deal with the sun for a full twenty-four hours on some days is the perfect level of pettiness and strategy I love. A man “just here for the process” in terms of the draft gives off the vibe of a true team player which I believe shows in Rep’s leadership style of never being above anything as a GM. This kind of attitude translates well in a war room and keeps the overall mood up which is much needed with how New York has been over the past few seasons. It was duly noted Rep is willing to jump off a cliff for the benefit of us (“an okayish sized cliff” I’m counting it as a cliff anyways). It's a good thing Cubone can use the move Bone Club, because will be the only relevant club to Rep as he narrowly misses out on the club known as “AJ’s Top Ten”.
12. @MMFLEX
Flex did in fact flex during his interview. First up he chose me as his champion to fight on his behalf. Not as a bid of faith to me but rather, a threat that I was the one in danger here not him. I’m terrified of the competition as four people chose Jon “Bones” Jones as their champion (really unique y’all) who will likely put me to an eternal sleep in under 4 seconds. Thanks, Flex. The second half of the Honolulu dynasty that just fell, Flex is integral in the league especially when it comes to the fantasy side of things. I suck at fantasy so minus one point for you Flex. Jokes aside he seemed to be the perfect pairing for Icebear and brought Honolulu to the peak of the league. Bonus points for the dog butt scoot gif commonly associated with his player Fig Newton.
13. @UptownCord
The second of the great leaders that represent Orange County is none other than the one rocking the Eeyore PFP, Uptown Cord. He also claims the illustrious title of “AJ’s Biggest Harasser” of asking me when the GM Mock will be posted. Big bonus points were awarded to Cord for quoting an NBA player I went to school with when he said, “I think I’m top five”. Much to Cord’s chagrin I will not be ranking him that high but there is always room for improvement and the top half of this group is an insanely talented bunch. While Cord cannot achieve the feat of doing a backflip his love for Tetris and the early 2010s meme scene raised his rank in my mind. Despite his doubts about defeating an Otter in combat I think Cord is one kickass GM and I’m proud to say he is leading my first ISFL team.
14. @negs
The Cape Town dream team of dog PFPs is another franchise home to two equally valuable GMs. Negs’ counterpart LCC will take the lower position sadly as he fell gambit to the Pokémon 218 bit. Negs, now a proud London Royal and carrying the TE scene on his back like Higbee could never do, brings his many talents and hot takes to the table. Negs implied that the Crimson Tide are the worst and that’s something I can appreciate yet, also fear as I will be taking a trip down to dreaded Tuscaloosa in the fall. Negs had one answer that was arguably above all else when he elected Gustavo Rocqué as his champion to fight to the death on his behalf. While there are allegations of his food takes being horrendous that have severely swayed my trust in his culinary expertise, I’ll give Negs the benefit of the doubt that his taste can improve one day.
15. @swoosh
The self-proclaimed Mr. Irrelevant and avid nuggies fan may be upset that I am ranking him higher than last place. The creator of one of the most dominant cornerbacks in the league in “Sexy” Legs McMillion, who dominates WRs despite missing their top half, is one hell of a GM. He is one who both refuses to engage in combat with his mascot and has the impressive talent of doing a flip and landing on his back. I think Swoosh has done great things with Baltimore as they are a top team in the league. They did choke vs. YKW last season so minus some points there but once again I really appreciate someone who takes the team on his back to manage as Swoosh did. When Dudeman left, Swoosh still ensured the team's success and quickly found a great replacement. When asked if he would “trade more picks away” in order to draft me he promptly responded, “don’t tempt me with a good time”. Here’s to more Baltimore picks being traded up and more dino nuggies to be consumed in 2024.
16. @PugWalrus
Pug couldn’t have said it better when he said that “Ram Ranch changed the music landscape forever” The loyal Browns fan is a strong player in the GM game despite not being able to back flip and suffering from being a Boomer. I'm now realizing those two things may in fact be related. Pug was the last great Portland GM. Ever since then things are well, what they are now. Pug’s GIF game went hard won’t lie even Rizzard of Oz levels on the very last one. W Pug. He did shit on Wyoming which is an objectively bad state but does have a beautiful landscape so it’s not THAT bad yall. Ole Yeller would be screaming at this here Old Yapper. Overall, it’s hard not to love Pug and the energy he brings to the table quality GM and his ranking here really shows how deep the pool of quality GMs goes.
17. @Kotasa
The man who announced my most coveted award: Most Dedicated Member DSFL S45, Kotasa himself. Considered one of the league’s many greats and truly a user who belongs in the Hall of Fame. Kotasa the wise, requested that his worst enemy be vanquished to the poverty state of Wisconsin. Excellent choice Mr. K, cheese curds are overrated anyways. Why isn’t Kotasa ranked higher you might ask? Well, he gave the most ChatGPT answer I've ever seen when asked about the Ram Ranch series. This alone caused me to lose significant trust in the validity of his responses and impacted his position to climb higher in the rankings. Nevertheless, Kotasa’s involvement in league awards and the all-pro team show a special dedication to the league I cannot overlook. Plus he’s a One Piece fan which will always be a bonus in my mind. He now goes off into retirement one of the league’s greatest to ever do it. (Arizona is still a cult and he may have brainwashed everyone including me while I’m writing this).
18. @ckroyal92
I feel bad ranking CK here. I know that he is a league legend and considered one of the GOATs. I just came into the league later on and never got to witness prime CK for myself. CK has the most wins in the league out of any GM all time (and the most losses but who cares). Alongside winning three out of the four Ultimus’ he GMed CK very may be the ISFL’s version of Bill Belichick (one could say Jeff Fisher but I watched him burn the STL Rams to the ground and CK seems better than that guy). Moreso in Jeff Fisher’s style, CK’s answers scored either max or minimum more than once. Alaska is a great state CK, you should visit sometime. That being said, the practicality, boomer humor, and intelligence that coupled CK’s answers makes it hard for me to doubt this man was one of the greats in the ISFL. Happy Retirement CK!
19. @lemonoppy
I swear to God I'm being Mandela effected and his name was LemonPoppy this whole time, I don't know what sort of spell he cast but I’m not crazy. Okay back from my little psychotic rant and onto more logical claims, Lemon won the DSFL MDM a few seasons before I did and that’s something I can truly respect. The current leader aka Grand Shaman of the cult known as the Arizona Outlaws is a relatively strong GM. What makes Lemon stand out beyond his GM abilities is what he has provided the league as a whole. Lemon’s innovation when it comes to building new league related bots and websites helped him secure an MDM. I think Lemon will be a GM that will continue to climb as I release these rankings throughout my time in the ISFL (Yanno like six months at a time despite me promising them to come much sooner).
20. @toofpete
Ah the radio host. Or now… former radio host? I hope unemployment has treated the Houston native pleasantly. Aldi’s version of Tyler1 did quite well in his interview with me. The awareness of the Gilroy Garlic festival is just the kind of useless knowledge that I value dearly. Who knows when I’ll need to vanquish a vampire anyways. Building up a team after being handed some of the worst cards to start is not easy. Toof’s perseverance and dad lore help him each and every day as he looks to keep the morale high in his locker room. Maybe one day NOLA can in fact beat OCO for once (Sources are significantly doubting this last sentence as it has been literal years).
21. @Sizz
Another one of London’s greats falls here on the GM rankings. The retro gaming fanatic and 80s/90s rap consumer is quite the GM. While more reserved in larger general chats from my experience when Sizz does chime is its gold. Sizz put Gandalf in the ring to battle on his behalf which was a unique selection. Anyone who would want to smoke up with Gandalf sounds like a great vibe to me. Unfortunately Sizz says that he is also lacking in hand-to-fin combat and may not be able to take down a Sailfish. I guess he will also be joining ABH and I on our future fishing (Attack on Sailfish) trip.
22. @SwankyPants31
Swanky is the last GM I had the effort to interview for this round. Apologies to Zeagle, ElectricTree, Tmoney, and everyone else who I quite frankly didn’t feel like interviewing as this project was delayed many times, but fear not as this will be a series. While Swanky may have been the last to hear from me, that didn’t stop him from reaching up to grab a solid spot in the rankings. The mental gymnastics expert and DBZ fan joined a highly talented group of GMs after a brief hiatus. I think this is a fair temporary placement as Swanky is yet another GM who could very well shoot up in the rankings over time.
23. @lordcoolcats
The Lord of Cool Cats himself, singer of many songs during the draft and an avid One Piece fan (the last part was really pulling up his points) will now face judgment. Despite Dewalt’s requests, I do have LCC beneath Dewey (LCC if you have blackmail on Dewalt feel free to release it now). Now LCC’s willingness to do whatever the team needs does not go overlooked. Now I am deeply concerned about what would happen if we took him to a trampoline park as it apparently may turn fatal?!? There have been reports that LCC also clubs baby seals. While this has not been confirmed, one of my sources clarified saying that LCC brings the seals to nightclubs rather than whacking them with a stick. While I have not worked under or alongside LCC in any sports sim setting I'm confident LCC brings a great vibe to any locker room he’s in despite his gullibility when it comes to my gambits.
24. @abh89
A Florida man. Well, the Florida Gators have fallen from grace and are now a poverty SEC team, so I feel bad despite the fanbase ABH belongs to being who they are. My sources have yet to witness any Florida man activity committed by ABH including but not limited to too short jorts and ingesting a variety of substances while harassing other patrons at a Subway. His ability in hand to fin combat is a severe concern to me as aquatic combat is highly necessary as a GM. An NBA Jam fan that is a historic London GM really brings some boomshakalaka to ABH’s game. While banishing your worst enemy to Mississippi was an interesting selection, we value unique answers here at the rankings. While ABH may have thought he deserved higher, I’ll keep him here temporarily until he and I catch a sailfish so I can see the duel for myself.
25. @firstfray
The first of the Chicago GMs selected in the S28 draft and clearly the right choice as who in their right mind could take Painted R1. While not being able to do a backflip and the lack of knowledge in Grant MacDonals’s musical genius, Fray really is a quality GM. Proudly pooping on the state of Ohio was a W. Sadly he GMs the team in Chicago. As a St. Louis native this pains me dearly to admit Chicago actually did something intelligent for once in its pitiful existence. He’s gonna be pissed as “[I’m going] number 1 or bust”. Well guess Fray is a bust then. Terrible pick and absolute blunder to any team who takes him. Sorry Fray your words not mine.
26. @Ephenssta
The interview was going great. E was a candidate to go mid to high tier based upon the first couple of questions I sent E’s way. Then E blundered. Not just a blunder but a severe BUNGLE. E decided to banish his worst enemy to my hometown and further declared our beloved STL BBQ trash. Colorado could have been the top pair if things would’ve continued as they did from the start, but E decided to throw that all away with a few select words. Fortunately, E did bring it back at the very end nominating the unique selection of Aragon from LOTR as his champion and he gave me league insight. E is/was a member of the Battleborn so you gotta have some love for a teammate in the J with me.
27. @"baz1757"
Baz, Baz, Baz. What a guy. Unfortunately for whatever reason on my totally unbiased scoring system Baz’s responses had the excitement factor of white bread, watching paint dry, and a 50 Shades of Grey spinoff titled 50 Shades of Beige which is focused around an accountant that gets zero play in the middle of a small town in North Dakota. In short Baz didn’t stick out with many of his responses. His answers weren’t bad yet lacked the juice needed to climb above the other GMs. I have a lot of respect for someone who keeps a team optimistic as the Second Line are undoubtedly the Cleveland Browns of the ISFL. Sorry Baz, someone had to be bottom three.
28. @r0tzbua
Well Rotz didn’t answer my very last question which really hurt his score as you may imagine. This is truly sad as in the latter half of the interview he was one of the highest scorers out of all the GMs. Really think it's a shame there was no end result as Rotz very well could’ve made his way to the middle of the pack. Disappointment aside Rotz brought forth some phenomenal stuff with his unique knowledge of Prince Edward Island and admitted to the murder of potentially hundreds of salamanders. Equally as impressive is being from Canada yet knowing that Gary, Indiana is a site of rot in midwestern America. I hope the “big ass hungry rhino” fares well for him in the tournament of champions to come. Rotz thank you for your service and bearing the burden that is having to GM with Dewalt.
29. @dude_man
Well Dudeman gave me three responses before disappearing. I know there may be some other factors going on so I wont roast him. I wish the best for the league legend despite finishing last in the rankings.
Update he responded “I’ve been teased” when I posted the fake version. Confused about his reappearance but alas three answers given earned him only six of the thirty-three available points. Sorry DM.
League Chirps and Love
While a lot of compliments were thrown around it’s always good to have a good sense of the chirps and love that was thrown around. I asked every GM where they believe they rank in the draft/rankings and anything else I should know when making it. Here are the anonymous juicy answers.
“No other GM can touch me when it comes to Tetris”
“Never trust [Icebear]. Icebear should free fall. Tumble down the draft board like an avalanche. Lcc also but he doesn't fall as far”
“No way are we all chalked with talent lmfao, you sure u talking to the right people?”
“I have nothing to say to toofpete”
“As long as I’m ahead of Cord I’ll be happy”
“Whats 25 + 25?
fif-deez nuts in your mouth”
“common Painted L, he do be the worse GM to be fair”
“ Higher than LCC”
“[Beck is] hands down one of the nicest people I've met online”
“I’m the only gm that isn’t a boomer”
“Coward!! Slam these GMs.”
“As long as I'm before negs and icebear, you can draft me anywhere”
“Draft Dewalt before me. He's a sweetie”
“ I wouldn’t be anything without those who came before me and without the great group that manages to keep the league competitive while also being good stewards of a hobby we all love.”
“All I'll really say is that I hope you have Negs in dead last due to his abysmal food takes alone”
“#1 Lcc is the best”
“R0tz better be killing it. Or he's fired”
“If you rank me above LCC i will throw a fit. Lcc is a god Im a filthy peasant But we're both better than that bum ice bear”
“just anywhere ahead of Baltimore is fine”
“But once I get done building they'll all see.... THEY'LL ALLL SEE”
“The one thing I can say for sure is that I'd go ahead of that baz fella in New Orleans.”
“Wizard is clearly 1OA.”
“That was a threat. Glad you understood”
[i]Woah woah woah, AJ you said this was a GM DRAFT. Well shit fuck, I did.
Guess that means I’m going to need some teams and roles to draft each GM to. No, I’m not using the ISFL teams, the AJ’s Nonsensical United Simulators or A.N.U.S for short will be drafting our GMs. Let me introduce you to the seven teams.
Pyongyang Pissmissles (PYP)
Enumclaw Ranch Hands (ERH)
Los Angeles Breathable-Air (LAB)
Florida Grace (FLG)
Crawfordsville Killdeer (CRM)
San Francisco Excrement (SFE)
Sydney Stink (SYS)
In addition to the teams, we need some positions/roles for the GMs to fill in as in order to make a draft logical. This turned out to be quite a challenge and utilizing my minute knowledge on a lot of GMs I’ve grouped them into 6 main categories. The categories are as follows: the Top Dog, the Jester, the Much Loved, the Strategist, the Energizer, and the Young Buck. Now looking at these categories I further determined that the Jester and Much Loved GMs could be lumped into one group and the Energizer and Young Buck roles could also be combined into a role that only needs one or the other. I believe that the Jesters and Much Loved GMs both deal with morale and individual communication with their team via jokes or forging relationships in chat. The Energizers are league veterans who never seem to run out of overflowing optimism and energy while the Young Bucks utilize their youth and innovation skills to produce new bots or generate fresh ideas in the locker room. The Top Dogs stand out as superb all-arounders who are GMs that I could trust with blind faith if they were in charge of my team. Finally the strategists may at times be more reserved than their other GM counterparts but speak up at essential times with their valued insight. The roles were assigned as follows along with denotations for the multi-positional roles.
The Top Dog (TD)[/i]
Icebear, Russ, ABH, Kotasa, CK, Wiz, Tuba
The Jester (J) or The Much Loved (ML)
Painted (J), LCC (J), Negs (ML), Jeffie (ML), Dewalt (ML), Pug (ML), E (J)
The Strategist (S)
Sizz, Baz, Flex, Cord, Fray, Rep, Rotz
The Young Buck (YB) or Energizer (E)
Beck (E), Stego (YB), UC (YB), Lemon (YB), Swanky (E), Toof (E), Swoosh (E)
Pyonyang Pissmissiles
R1P1: Icebear (TD)
R2P7: Painted (J)
R3P1: Swoosh (E)
R4P7: Rotz (S)
Pyongyang puts together quite the squad of GMs in order to bring honor to the glorious leader. The interactions between Ice and Painted would be golden in the locker room. I think that Swoosh can play off of Painted’s humor well. Hell, Rotz is so strategic with who he talks to, he must’ve intentionally never got back to me because he is so dedicated to developing a secret and complex strategy!
Enumclaw Ranch Hands
R1P2: Kotasa (TD)
R2P6: Pug (ML)
R3P2: Repgnar (S)
R4P6: Swanky (E)
Enumclaw has one hell of a unit on their hands. This team is composed of some of the most experienced GMs in the league plus a late round steal. I don’t know how Swanky went this far low with how high his ceiling is. The guy drafting everyone must’ve been a procrastinating dumbass. Watch out for the Ranch Hands; this team has phenomenal leadership.
Florida Grace (FLG)
R1P3: Beck (E)
R2P5: Dewalt (ML)
R3P3: ABH (TD)
R4P5: Baz (S)
Some of you may be wondering why in the hell I don't have Beck in the Top Dog role. This is absolutely not a dig at all, rather a complement as Beck is the best energizer in the league. Sure he can fill the TD role but it would be like telling Adrian Peterson to switch to QB. He’s so good at what he does that I think this is the best role for him. Coupled with two big brains in ABH and Baz with Dewalt who basically solo ran Berlin for a season Florida is loaded.
San Francisco Excrement (SFE)
R1P4: Russ (TD)
R2P4: Flex (S)
R3P4: LCC (J)
R4P4: Toof (E)
A new trend has plopped into the Bay Area and they must embrace it as that’s what SF does best. In my opinion this would be the most polarized LR in the league as we have two serious GMs that are big statistical guys in Russ and Flex coupled with the hilarious LCC and giga-energetic ToofPete.
Crawfordsville Killdeer (CRM)
R1P5: UC (YB)
R2P3: Tuba (TD)
R3P5: Negs (ML)
R4P3: Sizz (S)
Once again, I have concocted one of the most bizarre combos from my GM draft. How this team will fit together is beyond me but each of these GMs are excellent at what they do. With a little bit of team building and chemistry developed this could be a top crew out in Crawfordsville. I highly encourage you all look up what the Crawfordsville monster was because Killdeer are terrifying. (You're welcome Seb)
Sydney Stink (SYS)
R1P6: Stego (YB)
R2P2: Wiz (TD)
R3P6: Jeffie (ML)
R4P2: Fray (S)
The home of stinky HO will host these beauties as they seek to turn the leagues perspective on Australia around. I think this team would be the most slept on despite being loaded with great GMs. Stego, Jeffie, and Wiz were all ranked incredibly high and Fray is the best GM in CHI (Love u Painted). Really think this group would mesh well from the start and have all their ducks in a row before any other team.
Los Angeles Breathable-Air
R1P7: CK (TD)
R2P1: Lemon (YB)
R3P7: Cord (S)
R4P1: E (ML)
Beautiful LA is graced with a team that hopefully can garner some real fans for once in the area. I think this crew has the talents to do well. Lots of experience with Mr. CK coupled with Lemon’s innovative skills will create a strong duo. Cord has a great personality and E is great when coupled with the right GMs.
In conclusion, oh boy this was one hell of a project that I started way long ago. Life comes at you and slaps you sometimes so yes there were delays. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed the final product and thank you to all of the GMs who participated. Seriously, the work all of you do/have done is amazing. I really enjoy this league and hope to join such an amazing group of GMs.
DA CHOP