Here we go folks, in an effort to provide more and more useless media for the league and stimulate unintelligent conversation around things that are highly unlike to happen I present to you the season 30 mock draft.
Round 1
1: Colorado Yeti: After yet another worst in the league performance the Yeti end up picking #1 overall. The only team to have never won a championship and continually seems to be losing talent they have become the Browns of the league. The Yeti led by GMs run_cmc and totally_not_noble opt to select promising young player Derek Bigblack managed by the infamous Bzerkap. The defensive end who shredded the DSFL playing for the Saskatoon Nobles is easily the best player in the league and likely will never live up to expectations on the Yeti.
2: Dublin Doubleshots: GMs Dermot and jkortesi have built an absolutely horrible franchise out of S15s expansion team. Having never posted a record better than 5-11 we constantly wonder if they will ever get their act together. But with the selection of Turk Turkleton Jr we can expect they probably won't. Sure the first Turkleton lasted 30 seasons, but already having a probowl kicker on their roster this selection makes no sense, like everything Dermot does.
3: London Legion: The Legion have been one wild roller coaster ride ever since entering the league. Having won 5 titles during their tenure they once again find themselves in a rebuild for S30 and are looking to add more talent. With GM loco's selection of DSFL quarterback standout Bradley Eastfield we're expecting this rebuild is off to a good start.
4: Philadelphia Anarchy (via Arizona Outlaws): Trading up to #4 overall GM pdxballer of the Anarchy is clearly looking to draft stud running back Meg Rackworthy. The first female running back in the league Jiggly_333 is continuing on his trend to diversify the player base. The speed back posted an incredible 4.5 YPC in the DSFL and will be a cornerstone of the offense.
5: Orange County, FL Otters: Otters GM redcyandrth is always one who looks to build a strong defense through the draft. He will very likely select star cornerback Tyke Hoss. The 230 TPE prospect comes with some personality questions and dropped to #5 in the draft because of it, but with the Otters strong locker room if anybody can turn him around, they can.
6: Mare Serenitatis Wraiths: Since relocating to the lunar surface the Wraiths have struggled to bring back the success found during the dynasty of the 20s. New GM 7Hawk will likely go for blocking tight end and reddit recruit Johnny Chimpo to help bolster their power run offense.
7: Arizona Outlaws (via Anarchy): The Outlaws will likely continue to go for a defensive player for the 10th draft in a row and are going to select the safety out of the Chicago Chicanos Winnebago Wozy. A perfect fit given their weak secondary he will be an impact player from day 1.
8: San Jose Thundercats: GM Muford put together one hell of a team for season 29 with their incredible free agency. Their performance in the regular season with a 12-4 record was one for the ages. Unfortunately going one-and-done in the playoffs they still have some holes to fill and will look to star linebacker Christopher Zoros to help their defense that struggled against the run last season.
9: Baltimore Hawks: GM Hendrix, the leagues longest reigning GM, always seems to field a great team and bring home excellent draftees. At this spot it's tough to decide which of several players would be the best choice given the team has so few holes in its roster. I think they go with speed receiver Commandre Eclair. Although they already have a stacked offense he could provide a great option in 3WR sets.
10: Charleston Ironclads: GM Timeconsumer is always hard to predict. With his habit of drafting a player and immediately position changing them to something else you never know what to expect in a draft. I think the best and most versatile player available is linebacker Bicuspid Rifle, but don't be surprised to see him position change to long snapper.
GRADED
Round 1
1: Colorado Yeti: After yet another worst in the league performance the Yeti end up picking #1 overall. The only team to have never won a championship and continually seems to be losing talent they have become the Browns of the league. The Yeti led by GMs run_cmc and totally_not_noble opt to select promising young player Derek Bigblack managed by the infamous Bzerkap. The defensive end who shredded the DSFL playing for the Saskatoon Nobles is easily the best player in the league and likely will never live up to expectations on the Yeti.
2: Dublin Doubleshots: GMs Dermot and jkortesi have built an absolutely horrible franchise out of S15s expansion team. Having never posted a record better than 5-11 we constantly wonder if they will ever get their act together. But with the selection of Turk Turkleton Jr we can expect they probably won't. Sure the first Turkleton lasted 30 seasons, but already having a probowl kicker on their roster this selection makes no sense, like everything Dermot does.
3: London Legion: The Legion have been one wild roller coaster ride ever since entering the league. Having won 5 titles during their tenure they once again find themselves in a rebuild for S30 and are looking to add more talent. With GM loco's selection of DSFL quarterback standout Bradley Eastfield we're expecting this rebuild is off to a good start.
4: Philadelphia Anarchy (via Arizona Outlaws): Trading up to #4 overall GM pdxballer of the Anarchy is clearly looking to draft stud running back Meg Rackworthy. The first female running back in the league Jiggly_333 is continuing on his trend to diversify the player base. The speed back posted an incredible 4.5 YPC in the DSFL and will be a cornerstone of the offense.
5: Orange County, FL Otters: Otters GM redcyandrth is always one who looks to build a strong defense through the draft. He will very likely select star cornerback Tyke Hoss. The 230 TPE prospect comes with some personality questions and dropped to #5 in the draft because of it, but with the Otters strong locker room if anybody can turn him around, they can.
6: Mare Serenitatis Wraiths: Since relocating to the lunar surface the Wraiths have struggled to bring back the success found during the dynasty of the 20s. New GM 7Hawk will likely go for blocking tight end and reddit recruit Johnny Chimpo to help bolster their power run offense.
7: Arizona Outlaws (via Anarchy): The Outlaws will likely continue to go for a defensive player for the 10th draft in a row and are going to select the safety out of the Chicago Chicanos Winnebago Wozy. A perfect fit given their weak secondary he will be an impact player from day 1.
8: San Jose Thundercats: GM Muford put together one hell of a team for season 29 with their incredible free agency. Their performance in the regular season with a 12-4 record was one for the ages. Unfortunately going one-and-done in the playoffs they still have some holes to fill and will look to star linebacker Christopher Zoros to help their defense that struggled against the run last season.
9: Baltimore Hawks: GM Hendrix, the leagues longest reigning GM, always seems to field a great team and bring home excellent draftees. At this spot it's tough to decide which of several players would be the best choice given the team has so few holes in its roster. I think they go with speed receiver Commandre Eclair. Although they already have a stacked offense he could provide a great option in 3WR sets.
10: Charleston Ironclads: GM Timeconsumer is always hard to predict. With his habit of drafting a player and immediately position changing them to something else you never know what to expect in a draft. I think the best and most versatile player available is linebacker Bicuspid Rifle, but don't be surprised to see him position change to long snapper.
GRADED
Hank Winchester (S25 - Current) - Scrub
Angus Winchester (S1-S12) - 4x Ultimus Champ - #2 Career Sacks - Hall of Fame
Cooter Bigsby (S14-S23) - S23 Ultimus Champ - #4 Career Yards - #4 Career TDs - 2x MVP - Hall of Fame