ColoradOCO
I found myself pacing outside of the door to the office of Colorado Yeti General Manager Meme Maestro’s office. We had just played our Week 10 game against Philadelphia, and it was another loss for us, 30-3. After incredible amounts of internal debate, I had decided I had enough. I was going to tell him that I was testing free agency, to see what my value is around the league, and that I thought maybe he should trade me now to get something for me if I left.
I know I’ve fucked around on Colorado a lot. I’m a very, very sore loser. I don’t bust my ass for nothing, and not getting results is something I’m not used to. But I’m also loyal. I’ve wanted nothing more than to win games in Colorado, and eventually take the Ultimus. But the plan we had didn’t work, and we had to hit the reset button. They took a huge chance on me at first overall in the draft, and I just didn’t deliver on how I wanted to. I failed them a bit too.
I couldn’t bring myself to walk into his office to tell him. I was nervous, torn up inside, because I didn’t want him or my teammates to hate me if I left the Yeti. It’s more of a “its not you, its me” thing. I don’t know. I paced, and paced, and paced and finally just ran into the room like a Crush Hurricane. Naturally, he wasn’t even there. It took me twenty minutes to work up the courage and Maestro wasn’t even there. I had to laugh out loud.
“What’s so funny?”, a familiar voice said behind me.
Meme had just gotten back to his office from his lunch, or something. I told him I needed to talk to him, so we went over to his desk and sat down.
“What can I do for you?”, he asked.
“OH MY GOD I’M INCREDIBLY SORRY PLEASE DON’T HATE ME BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE AND IM NOT HAPPY AND I WANT TO DO MORE WITH MY CAREER AND YOU SHOULD TRADE ME BUT I STILL LOVE IT HERE AND I’M SO CONFUSED AND…”
“Carlito! Slow down!” he said with a chuckle.
I took a deep breath and told him that I wanted him to trade me. When he asked why, I semi-calmly explained how I wanted to test free agency, and I wasn’t sure I’d come back to Colorado. I love the Yeti (true story) and that I wanted them to get something for me instead of just losing me for nothing. He asked about why I wanted to leave, if it was more than just the losing. And I told him that while losing was a big part of this, there was a bit more.
“Like what?” he asked.
“Well, I don’t think I’m being used correctly. I know Applehort is new, so he’s not going to be a superstar right away. A lot of routes don’t even let me use my speed properly. I feel like I could be a faster, stronger player than I am now. I don’t feel like I fit in with the team either. At least, I don’t think my wants will mesh with what the team is doing. I know we’re going to start winning games really soon, but I don’t think it will be with me at tight end.”
“And why not?”
“Well, I don’t want to play tight end anymore. I really think I’m best used as a wide receiver. I’m not 100% sure, but I think that with all the training I do, and how hard I can play, I’d make a better receiver than tight end. As you can see, that doesn’t fit in with the future of Colorado. You have Dwayne Aaron and Howard Miller already, and they’re going to be super duper stars. I couldn’t just move to tight end and take a starting spot from one of them like that. I was a big piece of the failed rebuild man, and by the time this team is really ready to dominate, I’m going to be on the downside of my career and I won’t contribute as much as I’d like to be. There’s a locker room culture shift that happened and now I don’t feel as much of a part of the team as I used to. A lot of this probably has to do with me, and my own messed up brain. But It’s still how I’m feeling. I’m not staying as invested in this league, team, and myself as I should be, and I also think a change of scenery could be good for me. I don’t want to retire too soon because I fell out of love with football. I’m sorry.”
Maestro sat back in his chair, deep in thought. I was expecting some sort of backlash or chat about how they want to keep me around. Instead, I was met with something else.
“Okay, we’ll put you on the trade block. Let me talk to Sapp (Co-GM) and we’ll see what we can do for you. I don’t want to lose you, you’ve been great for us, but the last thing I’d ever want it to keep my players around when they don’t want to be here or they’re unhappy. I want to see you succeed on the field, even if that means it’s on another team. We’ll keep in touch about this, but until then, don’t say anything to the team.”
We shook hands and I left, feeling relieved. I was so worried that this would end badly, and instead he was awesome about it. I headed home, nervous yet excited for the next couple of days to see what would happen.
My phone rang about an hour later. It was Sapp. I thought that maybe this is where I’d get yelled at. Sapp and I have worked together to make Colorado better, but sometimes we didn’t see eye to eye on things. When Pierno was a failure, I was constantly in Sapp’s ear telling him what we should be doing. When Pierno decided to quit being a quarterback, I started throwing and practicing to switch to QB. Sapp told me he wouldn’t allow me to become the QB, and that we should draft one. He had spoken out against players just becoming quarterbacks in this league before and he didn’t want to be a hypocrite. Then, before this season began, I did tell him to trade me. I wanted us to get some picks, I’d play somewhere for a season, and then just come back in free agency. He didn’t like the shadiness of that, so he said he’d never sign on for something like that to go down, regardless of how often it does in the sports world. He has a vision for how he wants Colorado to look as a franchise, and he sticks to it. It’s quite honorable.
I answered the phone with great hesitation. “Hello?”.
“Hey man, so you want to be traded huh?”
I went and told Sapp everything I told Maestro in his office. Sapp was very understanding, and he actually did double check to make sure this wasn’t some stunt where we just rip a team off and I came right back in free agency. I told him that if I DID come back in free agency, it wouldn’t be because of this scenario.
That was all he needed to hear I guess. He said they’re going to do everything they can to ship me to an Ultimus contender, and that teams will be eventually contacting me as soon as I’m officially place on the trade block.
The next day, my phone went berserk. I woke up, and went to the gym, as I do every day. I showered, dressed, and finally turned my phone back on. I hate being disturbed at the gym, you know? My phone was FILLED with messages from other teams. Honestly, it was overwhelming. In the next few hours, I would hear from Yellowknife, Orange County, Baltimore, New Orleans, and Philadelphia. Everyone wanted to add me to their team, and fast. They all had the same type of questions, mostly pertaining to signing an extension if they traded for me.
That was the hard part. I really have my heart set on testing free agency. I have this beautiful vision of a bidding war and having teams really present me with fun ways that show how I’d help their teams. New Orleans actually came to me with a pretty impressive report right off the bat. There were slideshows and potential stat lines all over the place. They really went above and beyond that that did impress me, but a ‘young team on the rise’ was what I just was going through in Colorado, so I didn’t really want to go through that again. I told the Second Line what I felt, that I wanted to test FA no matter what, so I wouldn’t sign an extension. Obviously, they didn’t want to trade for me, and graciously bowed out of the race, since it wouldn’t make sense to trade for someone when you’re not making the playoffs
anyway.
The other teams were interested in me based off my athletic abilities. Let’s face it, they’re not going by career stats, thank goodness. However, this lead to some interesting conversations about playing different positions. One team wanted me to switch to wide receiver right away (I had told them about my game plan there), so that was pretty cool. Another wanted me to play tight end, receiver, and defensive end? That was really random. I wasn’t ‘all in’ on that idea, but I said if any team traded for me, I’d do whatever they asked. The last thing I’d do is walk into a new locker room and be some tough guy who isn’t willing to do whatever it takes to win. That’s not how you earn respect. The other teams seemed pretty confident that with the right game plan and coaching, they could open my game up and I could make a difference playing tight end. That was also okay with me.
But, the one thing I wanted to do was be honest with everyone. I told every single team that contacted me that I wanted to test free agency, as I’ve said before. This scared some teams away. Nobody wants to really pay top dollar for 5 games of one player, no matter who it is. All of a sudden the trade winds died down, and I wasn’t sure if anything was going to happen. Did I just ruin all of the fun? Did everyone decide they’d just wait until free agency? If that were the case, I’d have never told Colorado to trade me. That just makes me look like an asshole if they can’t pull it off. Its really tough to decide what makes everyone happy. You just can’t do it. So, I decided to make me happy, regardless if the outcome wasn’t what I wanted. Can’t fault me for that. Or can you?
As I was ripping my own brain apart, I got the call that would change my career. It was the Yeti telling me that after some hard negotiations, I’ve been traded. For a split second every single team raced through my head as to where I could go. Finally, it was revealed that I’d be heading to the Orange County Otters, the three time defending Ultimus champions.
I hung up the phone, and I was so conflicted. I shed a few tears, I won’t lie. The emotional roller coaster that was my time in Colorado was over, or at the very least on pause. I felt like such a jerk to kind of force this trade, but Meme and Sapp were just so damn nice that they did the best they could for me. They’re studs, and I thank them for everything they had done for me in Colorado.
Getting to Orange County was a tremendous experience. There was so much fanfare at the thought of the Otters getting a “stud” and a “fantastic piece to help them win the Ultimus again”. Were these people and reporters really talking about ME? That’s insane! All I ever heard from the media was how I was a bust, or a let down, and that I failed to lead Colorado to the playoffs, even though I was trying my best out there.
This whole new era just woke me the fuck up man. I rediscovered my love for the NSFL, and for football in general. I never realized JUST how bad I was getting mentally with all of the poor showings and losing. I was energized and ready to run through a wall for Orange County. I felt I owed the Otters everything I could give them, because they took a chance on trading for me. I’ll admit, knowing I was hitting free agency helped a bit too. A great showing on a world class football team would really increase my profile to other teams around the league.
The first person I encountered from my new home on the Otters was Angus Winchester. He’s a, um, character. He immediately scowled at me and asked who the hell I was. When I stuttered, he just flashed this big smile and gave me a giant bear hug. He picked me off the ground like I was a child. This is not someone you want to mess with, oh goodness no. He directed me to the office of Cecil Otter, the General Manager of the Otters. He just paid for me, so I figured I should say hello, even though his name sounds more like the team’s mascot instead of a general manager.
I walked into Cecil’s office and I was once again overwhelmed by the positive things being said about me. “Carlito! We’re so lucky to have you! We didn’t think we’d get you! You’re going to put us over the top once again!”. I just told him I’m willing to do whatever he needs me to do. I just want to win some games, and if that means I have to play punter, I’ll do it. The last thing I’d ever want is a bad reputation for not being a team player.
He just laughed and said “Actually we have some concerns. How is it that someone of your caliber has only scored ONE touchdown in his career?” Taken aback, I didn’t know what to say exactly before he spoke up again. “Yeah, we’re going to have to fix that for sure.”. I didn’t want any preferential treatment though, and he said not to worry. “We have Mike Boss and an explosive offense. We don’t have to force feed anyone the ball. It’ll just happen. Watch.”
So, I did.
My first game with Orange County was so weird. We traveled to New Orleans to play the Second Line. It was so weird seeing that Otters jersey with “Crush” on the back. Everything was orange instead of the familiar maroon I’ve been donning for the last two and half seasons. The Second Line is an up and coming team, for sure. Even though I only got a week of practice with the Otters, I felt like I’d been there forever. Boss and I got some early chemistry going as we battled New Orleans tooth and nail. I’d wind up with an 8 catch, 74 yard performance that may not have been my best game ever, but what mattered most to me wasn’t the stats, it was the fact that Brad Madlad’s FG with 1:56 left in the game gave the Otters a 23-20 victory.
We WON! I’d been waiting to win a football game for what felt like forever man! WE FUCKING WON! I ran into the locker room and was dancing and giving hugs to everyone on the team. And then I took a step back and realized that nobody else was cheering with me. Teammates looked kind of, I don’t know, mad? It turns out that only beating New Orleans by 3 points isn’t exactly Earth shattering awesomeness for the Otters like it was for me. It was almost seen as a let down, but the team was pretty happy we battled hard and still pulled out the win. Someone mentioned out loud “That effort won’t be good enough to beat the Wraiths. We have to be better.” I realized I needed to get more serious than ever at that moment.
The next week was even more awesome though. It was my first home game for my new team. I’ll never forget the jitters I felt standing in the tunnel as they announced the offense to the home crowd. The reaction I got was amazing. The fans went NUTS when they said my name on the PA system. I really felt at home.
Our opponent for this game was the San Jose Sabercats. San Jose had been trying for quite some time to overtake the Otters, but their window was closing fast and they weren’t nearly as good as they had been in years past. My home debut wasn’t the grand “12 catch, 150 yard, 3 TD” game I dreamt about the night before, but it was another solid effort as I went 7 for 79 yards. The team just couldn’t find the end zone and we walked away with a 16-3 victory, thanks to our incredible defense. Props to San Jose for playing us really tough. The vibe around the team wasn’t as disappointing as it was the week before. We wanted to focus on improving in some areas, and to see how we look against San Jose in two weeks to gauge how we’re doing with that.
The next week, the Philadelphia Liberty came to town. They were playing great football, so the team was really ready for this game. We had an AWESOME week of practice, and the coaches really installed some plays for me this week. After two weeks of not entirely looking like the 3 time Ultimus champions, we really wanted to make a statement here, or die trying. Philadelphia just didn’t have an answer for our offense, and we were CLICKING man. Boss threw three touchdowns in the first quarter alone. He’s a machine, no doubt about it. We had a huge lead at halftime, and to the Liberty’s credit, they kept battling. Finally, in the third quarter, it happened. I beat my coverage with an inside move and Boss found me wide open. I sprinted into the end zone on a 30 yard touchdown catch. The stadium went nuts, I went nuts. Boss ran up to me and just said “There’s more where that came from.” and took off. I was only 5 for 55 this game, but it didn’t matter. I scored. We won 40-9. I was happy.
Our last game of the season saw us rolling into San Jose for a rematch with the Cats. They desperately needed a win to keep their playoff hopes alive. We were seeing how our adjustments would shake out against them. I’d say they worked okay. The defense held Orosz to only 120 yards passing. But Shane Weston’s 60 yard punt return kept San Jose alive and we actually went into halftime tied at 14 a piece. Then the third quarter happened. Mike Boss found me open in the end zone for a 1 yard TD. And then with us driving near the end of the quarter, he threaded the needle over a defender’s hands and I caught my second touchdown of the day, a 14 yard strike. Boss would throw 5 TDs on the day, and the Otters won 37-21. I had 11 catches for 92 yards and the two touchdowns, which was awesome. The score wasn’t too indicative of the game though, as San Jose benefitted from two return TDs.
Just like that, I was in uncharted territory. I was winning games and scoring touchdowns. And now, it was time to play in a playoff game! How awesome is that? As tough as it was to leave Colorado, this has been a fantastic experience so far for me. Winning our conference meant that we got to play another home game, in the playoffs. The Arizona Outlaws, the former ‘model’ franchise before scandal rocked the NSFL, managed to sneak into the playoffs in Week 14. All that got them was a date with disappointment and sadness.
The Otters were ON FIRE in this playoff game, as Mike Boss would throw for almost 500 yards and connected on 4 TDs. Erlich Burnsman rushed for two of his own, and caught another one and the Otters wiped the floor with the Outlaws, 48-24. There’s just a different atmosphere around the city and the stadium when the team you’re on is going to be playing in a playoff game. I could feel it all week. I really wanted to win this game, of course, but it just felt special. I took extra care of myself all week, getting more rest than usual, and even getting a massage every other day to keep my muscles relaxed, but strong. I responded to my own personal challenge with an 8 catch, 95 yard day. It was a spectacular time as we won the game and earned a spot in the Ultimus.
I know from experience how hard it can be to just win ONE game in the NSFL, so I could’ve never imagined how hard it’d be to win THE game in the NSFL. Even when we won the Ultimini in Portland, the vibe was different. This game had bigger stakes. Orange County was going for their fourth straight title, so they’ve been here before. I, of course, have not. Our opponents? The Philadelphia Liberty, who just a few weeks ago we smacked around 40-9. This is going to be a much harder game, of course. I have never trained harder in my life for a game. I stayed later after practice with Boss to get more reps in. I wanted this more than anything. We were ready, we were prepared. It was time to win the Ultimus.
Fate, of course, had other plans. Josh Garden took the opening kick off 103 yards to give the Liberty a 7-0 lead. While we had a good drive of our own, it stalled out in Philly territory and we had to settle for a field goal to make it 7-3. The Liberty were on fire though, and before we knew it we were down 21-3. Boss found Phelps for a TD to cut the lead to 21-10, and we rebounded with a field goal before the half to make it 21-13. It was a battle. The second half was more of the same however, we kept stalling out drives in the red zone, and settling for field goals. We got the score to 21-19 in the third, but, living legend Paul DiMirio grabbed a nice touchdown to give the Liberty a 28-19 lead that they’d hold the rest of the way. We lost the Ultimus. I was dejected. I personally had a nice game, 10 catches for 89 yards, but we couldn’t make the big plays in the red zone. Credit to the Philadelphia defense for holding down the fort and not allowing any back breaking TDs when we were putting on a ton of pressure.
So, that was it. It’s all over. The end of the S7 season was just straight up bananas for Carlito Crush. In such a short span of time, I went from considering retirement to being thrust directly into the Ultimus picture. I met new people and made new friends. It was pretty awesome, I won’t lie. Colorado was always a great locker room environment, but we never won. With Orange County, the locker room isn’t as active as the Yeti’s is, but its still pretty nice, even with Tegan Atwell there. But you win. And they know how to win. And they believe in you. I had some fantastic games this season and came within a hair of winning the Ultimus. Eight weeks before that, I thought I’d never win another game!
Now, I’m a free agent. Because I took way too long to finish writing this, teams have already contacted me and have put on the full court press. Its been humbling, to say the least. There’s a lot of good people in this league, and it bothers me that I’m going to have to disappoint some of them. I will say though that I’ll be switching to wide receiver for sure for S8 and beyond. I love playing Tight End, but I feel that my talents and skills are better suited for a different role. I can be much faster than I’m showing. I can catch better. I can score more. I’m working my ass off this offseason to work on becoming one of the top WRs in the game. I can’t wait to see how this all turns out. Thanks for reading, though I doubt anyone got this far.
Have a good one,
Carlito Crush (4213 words)
I found myself pacing outside of the door to the office of Colorado Yeti General Manager Meme Maestro’s office. We had just played our Week 10 game against Philadelphia, and it was another loss for us, 30-3. After incredible amounts of internal debate, I had decided I had enough. I was going to tell him that I was testing free agency, to see what my value is around the league, and that I thought maybe he should trade me now to get something for me if I left.
I know I’ve fucked around on Colorado a lot. I’m a very, very sore loser. I don’t bust my ass for nothing, and not getting results is something I’m not used to. But I’m also loyal. I’ve wanted nothing more than to win games in Colorado, and eventually take the Ultimus. But the plan we had didn’t work, and we had to hit the reset button. They took a huge chance on me at first overall in the draft, and I just didn’t deliver on how I wanted to. I failed them a bit too.
I couldn’t bring myself to walk into his office to tell him. I was nervous, torn up inside, because I didn’t want him or my teammates to hate me if I left the Yeti. It’s more of a “its not you, its me” thing. I don’t know. I paced, and paced, and paced and finally just ran into the room like a Crush Hurricane. Naturally, he wasn’t even there. It took me twenty minutes to work up the courage and Maestro wasn’t even there. I had to laugh out loud.
“What’s so funny?”, a familiar voice said behind me.
Meme had just gotten back to his office from his lunch, or something. I told him I needed to talk to him, so we went over to his desk and sat down.
“What can I do for you?”, he asked.
“OH MY GOD I’M INCREDIBLY SORRY PLEASE DON’T HATE ME BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE AND IM NOT HAPPY AND I WANT TO DO MORE WITH MY CAREER AND YOU SHOULD TRADE ME BUT I STILL LOVE IT HERE AND I’M SO CONFUSED AND…”
“Carlito! Slow down!” he said with a chuckle.
I took a deep breath and told him that I wanted him to trade me. When he asked why, I semi-calmly explained how I wanted to test free agency, and I wasn’t sure I’d come back to Colorado. I love the Yeti (true story) and that I wanted them to get something for me instead of just losing me for nothing. He asked about why I wanted to leave, if it was more than just the losing. And I told him that while losing was a big part of this, there was a bit more.
“Like what?” he asked.
“Well, I don’t think I’m being used correctly. I know Applehort is new, so he’s not going to be a superstar right away. A lot of routes don’t even let me use my speed properly. I feel like I could be a faster, stronger player than I am now. I don’t feel like I fit in with the team either. At least, I don’t think my wants will mesh with what the team is doing. I know we’re going to start winning games really soon, but I don’t think it will be with me at tight end.”
“And why not?”
“Well, I don’t want to play tight end anymore. I really think I’m best used as a wide receiver. I’m not 100% sure, but I think that with all the training I do, and how hard I can play, I’d make a better receiver than tight end. As you can see, that doesn’t fit in with the future of Colorado. You have Dwayne Aaron and Howard Miller already, and they’re going to be super duper stars. I couldn’t just move to tight end and take a starting spot from one of them like that. I was a big piece of the failed rebuild man, and by the time this team is really ready to dominate, I’m going to be on the downside of my career and I won’t contribute as much as I’d like to be. There’s a locker room culture shift that happened and now I don’t feel as much of a part of the team as I used to. A lot of this probably has to do with me, and my own messed up brain. But It’s still how I’m feeling. I’m not staying as invested in this league, team, and myself as I should be, and I also think a change of scenery could be good for me. I don’t want to retire too soon because I fell out of love with football. I’m sorry.”
Maestro sat back in his chair, deep in thought. I was expecting some sort of backlash or chat about how they want to keep me around. Instead, I was met with something else.
“Okay, we’ll put you on the trade block. Let me talk to Sapp (Co-GM) and we’ll see what we can do for you. I don’t want to lose you, you’ve been great for us, but the last thing I’d ever want it to keep my players around when they don’t want to be here or they’re unhappy. I want to see you succeed on the field, even if that means it’s on another team. We’ll keep in touch about this, but until then, don’t say anything to the team.”
We shook hands and I left, feeling relieved. I was so worried that this would end badly, and instead he was awesome about it. I headed home, nervous yet excited for the next couple of days to see what would happen.
My phone rang about an hour later. It was Sapp. I thought that maybe this is where I’d get yelled at. Sapp and I have worked together to make Colorado better, but sometimes we didn’t see eye to eye on things. When Pierno was a failure, I was constantly in Sapp’s ear telling him what we should be doing. When Pierno decided to quit being a quarterback, I started throwing and practicing to switch to QB. Sapp told me he wouldn’t allow me to become the QB, and that we should draft one. He had spoken out against players just becoming quarterbacks in this league before and he didn’t want to be a hypocrite. Then, before this season began, I did tell him to trade me. I wanted us to get some picks, I’d play somewhere for a season, and then just come back in free agency. He didn’t like the shadiness of that, so he said he’d never sign on for something like that to go down, regardless of how often it does in the sports world. He has a vision for how he wants Colorado to look as a franchise, and he sticks to it. It’s quite honorable.
I answered the phone with great hesitation. “Hello?”.
“Hey man, so you want to be traded huh?”
I went and told Sapp everything I told Maestro in his office. Sapp was very understanding, and he actually did double check to make sure this wasn’t some stunt where we just rip a team off and I came right back in free agency. I told him that if I DID come back in free agency, it wouldn’t be because of this scenario.
That was all he needed to hear I guess. He said they’re going to do everything they can to ship me to an Ultimus contender, and that teams will be eventually contacting me as soon as I’m officially place on the trade block.
The next day, my phone went berserk. I woke up, and went to the gym, as I do every day. I showered, dressed, and finally turned my phone back on. I hate being disturbed at the gym, you know? My phone was FILLED with messages from other teams. Honestly, it was overwhelming. In the next few hours, I would hear from Yellowknife, Orange County, Baltimore, New Orleans, and Philadelphia. Everyone wanted to add me to their team, and fast. They all had the same type of questions, mostly pertaining to signing an extension if they traded for me.
That was the hard part. I really have my heart set on testing free agency. I have this beautiful vision of a bidding war and having teams really present me with fun ways that show how I’d help their teams. New Orleans actually came to me with a pretty impressive report right off the bat. There were slideshows and potential stat lines all over the place. They really went above and beyond that that did impress me, but a ‘young team on the rise’ was what I just was going through in Colorado, so I didn’t really want to go through that again. I told the Second Line what I felt, that I wanted to test FA no matter what, so I wouldn’t sign an extension. Obviously, they didn’t want to trade for me, and graciously bowed out of the race, since it wouldn’t make sense to trade for someone when you’re not making the playoffs
anyway.
The other teams were interested in me based off my athletic abilities. Let’s face it, they’re not going by career stats, thank goodness. However, this lead to some interesting conversations about playing different positions. One team wanted me to switch to wide receiver right away (I had told them about my game plan there), so that was pretty cool. Another wanted me to play tight end, receiver, and defensive end? That was really random. I wasn’t ‘all in’ on that idea, but I said if any team traded for me, I’d do whatever they asked. The last thing I’d do is walk into a new locker room and be some tough guy who isn’t willing to do whatever it takes to win. That’s not how you earn respect. The other teams seemed pretty confident that with the right game plan and coaching, they could open my game up and I could make a difference playing tight end. That was also okay with me.
But, the one thing I wanted to do was be honest with everyone. I told every single team that contacted me that I wanted to test free agency, as I’ve said before. This scared some teams away. Nobody wants to really pay top dollar for 5 games of one player, no matter who it is. All of a sudden the trade winds died down, and I wasn’t sure if anything was going to happen. Did I just ruin all of the fun? Did everyone decide they’d just wait until free agency? If that were the case, I’d have never told Colorado to trade me. That just makes me look like an asshole if they can’t pull it off. Its really tough to decide what makes everyone happy. You just can’t do it. So, I decided to make me happy, regardless if the outcome wasn’t what I wanted. Can’t fault me for that. Or can you?
As I was ripping my own brain apart, I got the call that would change my career. It was the Yeti telling me that after some hard negotiations, I’ve been traded. For a split second every single team raced through my head as to where I could go. Finally, it was revealed that I’d be heading to the Orange County Otters, the three time defending Ultimus champions.
I hung up the phone, and I was so conflicted. I shed a few tears, I won’t lie. The emotional roller coaster that was my time in Colorado was over, or at the very least on pause. I felt like such a jerk to kind of force this trade, but Meme and Sapp were just so damn nice that they did the best they could for me. They’re studs, and I thank them for everything they had done for me in Colorado.
Getting to Orange County was a tremendous experience. There was so much fanfare at the thought of the Otters getting a “stud” and a “fantastic piece to help them win the Ultimus again”. Were these people and reporters really talking about ME? That’s insane! All I ever heard from the media was how I was a bust, or a let down, and that I failed to lead Colorado to the playoffs, even though I was trying my best out there.
This whole new era just woke me the fuck up man. I rediscovered my love for the NSFL, and for football in general. I never realized JUST how bad I was getting mentally with all of the poor showings and losing. I was energized and ready to run through a wall for Orange County. I felt I owed the Otters everything I could give them, because they took a chance on trading for me. I’ll admit, knowing I was hitting free agency helped a bit too. A great showing on a world class football team would really increase my profile to other teams around the league.
The first person I encountered from my new home on the Otters was Angus Winchester. He’s a, um, character. He immediately scowled at me and asked who the hell I was. When I stuttered, he just flashed this big smile and gave me a giant bear hug. He picked me off the ground like I was a child. This is not someone you want to mess with, oh goodness no. He directed me to the office of Cecil Otter, the General Manager of the Otters. He just paid for me, so I figured I should say hello, even though his name sounds more like the team’s mascot instead of a general manager.
I walked into Cecil’s office and I was once again overwhelmed by the positive things being said about me. “Carlito! We’re so lucky to have you! We didn’t think we’d get you! You’re going to put us over the top once again!”. I just told him I’m willing to do whatever he needs me to do. I just want to win some games, and if that means I have to play punter, I’ll do it. The last thing I’d ever want is a bad reputation for not being a team player.
He just laughed and said “Actually we have some concerns. How is it that someone of your caliber has only scored ONE touchdown in his career?” Taken aback, I didn’t know what to say exactly before he spoke up again. “Yeah, we’re going to have to fix that for sure.”. I didn’t want any preferential treatment though, and he said not to worry. “We have Mike Boss and an explosive offense. We don’t have to force feed anyone the ball. It’ll just happen. Watch.”
So, I did.
My first game with Orange County was so weird. We traveled to New Orleans to play the Second Line. It was so weird seeing that Otters jersey with “Crush” on the back. Everything was orange instead of the familiar maroon I’ve been donning for the last two and half seasons. The Second Line is an up and coming team, for sure. Even though I only got a week of practice with the Otters, I felt like I’d been there forever. Boss and I got some early chemistry going as we battled New Orleans tooth and nail. I’d wind up with an 8 catch, 74 yard performance that may not have been my best game ever, but what mattered most to me wasn’t the stats, it was the fact that Brad Madlad’s FG with 1:56 left in the game gave the Otters a 23-20 victory.
We WON! I’d been waiting to win a football game for what felt like forever man! WE FUCKING WON! I ran into the locker room and was dancing and giving hugs to everyone on the team. And then I took a step back and realized that nobody else was cheering with me. Teammates looked kind of, I don’t know, mad? It turns out that only beating New Orleans by 3 points isn’t exactly Earth shattering awesomeness for the Otters like it was for me. It was almost seen as a let down, but the team was pretty happy we battled hard and still pulled out the win. Someone mentioned out loud “That effort won’t be good enough to beat the Wraiths. We have to be better.” I realized I needed to get more serious than ever at that moment.
The next week was even more awesome though. It was my first home game for my new team. I’ll never forget the jitters I felt standing in the tunnel as they announced the offense to the home crowd. The reaction I got was amazing. The fans went NUTS when they said my name on the PA system. I really felt at home.
Our opponent for this game was the San Jose Sabercats. San Jose had been trying for quite some time to overtake the Otters, but their window was closing fast and they weren’t nearly as good as they had been in years past. My home debut wasn’t the grand “12 catch, 150 yard, 3 TD” game I dreamt about the night before, but it was another solid effort as I went 7 for 79 yards. The team just couldn’t find the end zone and we walked away with a 16-3 victory, thanks to our incredible defense. Props to San Jose for playing us really tough. The vibe around the team wasn’t as disappointing as it was the week before. We wanted to focus on improving in some areas, and to see how we look against San Jose in two weeks to gauge how we’re doing with that.
The next week, the Philadelphia Liberty came to town. They were playing great football, so the team was really ready for this game. We had an AWESOME week of practice, and the coaches really installed some plays for me this week. After two weeks of not entirely looking like the 3 time Ultimus champions, we really wanted to make a statement here, or die trying. Philadelphia just didn’t have an answer for our offense, and we were CLICKING man. Boss threw three touchdowns in the first quarter alone. He’s a machine, no doubt about it. We had a huge lead at halftime, and to the Liberty’s credit, they kept battling. Finally, in the third quarter, it happened. I beat my coverage with an inside move and Boss found me wide open. I sprinted into the end zone on a 30 yard touchdown catch. The stadium went nuts, I went nuts. Boss ran up to me and just said “There’s more where that came from.” and took off. I was only 5 for 55 this game, but it didn’t matter. I scored. We won 40-9. I was happy.
Our last game of the season saw us rolling into San Jose for a rematch with the Cats. They desperately needed a win to keep their playoff hopes alive. We were seeing how our adjustments would shake out against them. I’d say they worked okay. The defense held Orosz to only 120 yards passing. But Shane Weston’s 60 yard punt return kept San Jose alive and we actually went into halftime tied at 14 a piece. Then the third quarter happened. Mike Boss found me open in the end zone for a 1 yard TD. And then with us driving near the end of the quarter, he threaded the needle over a defender’s hands and I caught my second touchdown of the day, a 14 yard strike. Boss would throw 5 TDs on the day, and the Otters won 37-21. I had 11 catches for 92 yards and the two touchdowns, which was awesome. The score wasn’t too indicative of the game though, as San Jose benefitted from two return TDs.
Just like that, I was in uncharted territory. I was winning games and scoring touchdowns. And now, it was time to play in a playoff game! How awesome is that? As tough as it was to leave Colorado, this has been a fantastic experience so far for me. Winning our conference meant that we got to play another home game, in the playoffs. The Arizona Outlaws, the former ‘model’ franchise before scandal rocked the NSFL, managed to sneak into the playoffs in Week 14. All that got them was a date with disappointment and sadness.
The Otters were ON FIRE in this playoff game, as Mike Boss would throw for almost 500 yards and connected on 4 TDs. Erlich Burnsman rushed for two of his own, and caught another one and the Otters wiped the floor with the Outlaws, 48-24. There’s just a different atmosphere around the city and the stadium when the team you’re on is going to be playing in a playoff game. I could feel it all week. I really wanted to win this game, of course, but it just felt special. I took extra care of myself all week, getting more rest than usual, and even getting a massage every other day to keep my muscles relaxed, but strong. I responded to my own personal challenge with an 8 catch, 95 yard day. It was a spectacular time as we won the game and earned a spot in the Ultimus.
I know from experience how hard it can be to just win ONE game in the NSFL, so I could’ve never imagined how hard it’d be to win THE game in the NSFL. Even when we won the Ultimini in Portland, the vibe was different. This game had bigger stakes. Orange County was going for their fourth straight title, so they’ve been here before. I, of course, have not. Our opponents? The Philadelphia Liberty, who just a few weeks ago we smacked around 40-9. This is going to be a much harder game, of course. I have never trained harder in my life for a game. I stayed later after practice with Boss to get more reps in. I wanted this more than anything. We were ready, we were prepared. It was time to win the Ultimus.
Fate, of course, had other plans. Josh Garden took the opening kick off 103 yards to give the Liberty a 7-0 lead. While we had a good drive of our own, it stalled out in Philly territory and we had to settle for a field goal to make it 7-3. The Liberty were on fire though, and before we knew it we were down 21-3. Boss found Phelps for a TD to cut the lead to 21-10, and we rebounded with a field goal before the half to make it 21-13. It was a battle. The second half was more of the same however, we kept stalling out drives in the red zone, and settling for field goals. We got the score to 21-19 in the third, but, living legend Paul DiMirio grabbed a nice touchdown to give the Liberty a 28-19 lead that they’d hold the rest of the way. We lost the Ultimus. I was dejected. I personally had a nice game, 10 catches for 89 yards, but we couldn’t make the big plays in the red zone. Credit to the Philadelphia defense for holding down the fort and not allowing any back breaking TDs when we were putting on a ton of pressure.
So, that was it. It’s all over. The end of the S7 season was just straight up bananas for Carlito Crush. In such a short span of time, I went from considering retirement to being thrust directly into the Ultimus picture. I met new people and made new friends. It was pretty awesome, I won’t lie. Colorado was always a great locker room environment, but we never won. With Orange County, the locker room isn’t as active as the Yeti’s is, but its still pretty nice, even with Tegan Atwell there. But you win. And they know how to win. And they believe in you. I had some fantastic games this season and came within a hair of winning the Ultimus. Eight weeks before that, I thought I’d never win another game!
Now, I’m a free agent. Because I took way too long to finish writing this, teams have already contacted me and have put on the full court press. Its been humbling, to say the least. There’s a lot of good people in this league, and it bothers me that I’m going to have to disappoint some of them. I will say though that I’ll be switching to wide receiver for sure for S8 and beyond. I love playing Tight End, but I feel that my talents and skills are better suited for a different role. I can be much faster than I’m showing. I can catch better. I can score more. I’m working my ass off this offseason to work on becoming one of the top WRs in the game. I can’t wait to see how this all turns out. Thanks for reading, though I doubt anyone got this far.
Have a good one,
Carlito Crush (4213 words)