*REDEMPTION ROAD Part V - Printable Version +- International Simulation Football League (https://forums.sim-football.com) +-- Forum: Community (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=5) +--- Forum: Media (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=37) +---- Forum: Graded Articles (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=38) +---- Thread: *REDEMPTION ROAD Part V (/showthread.php?tid=52027)

*REDEMPTION ROAD Part V - jreed12 - 07-06-2024 **Double Media again please** Previously, on Redemption Road with jreed12… Jreed rewarded! For his good deeds in the media sphere, the generous JKortesi has decided to come forth and dish out the ultimate benefit to the league: a week of double media! Jreed calls out the Wizard for posting the Activity Check late! And he demands rights to a yapping payout in the DSFL server! And he discovers the ULTIMATE betrayal—none other than THOR decided to profiteer off the theft of his pride and joy business, the Weekly Mirror! However, with all eyes on the ISFL draft, the hardworking hands at Berlin turn their focus to piecing together the perfect squad, brick by brick, in anticipation of winning the ultimate glory: the S50 ULTIMUS! Read about all of this and more in… I worked really hard to get this crap out before the Prospect Bowl so please enjoy tonight’s special delivery of brain rot. Good luck, rooks! It was another great day in ISFL land, and before I got busy this week and had to put off writing my media, I actually was scratching my head on what to even WRITE about. I really do have a knack for (in the great words of a certain Case Against the WEAKly Mirror) dredging up the most insignificant of situations and turning them into drama. So, as is obligatory, I must follow up on something which has been aggravating me for quite some time. Princess Grand Champion Breed Winner Donut the Queen Anne Chonk. The damned cat. Whatever the fuck its name is. One of the few creatures I despise most on this earth. Every single morning when I walk into my office to get ready for another day, I notice the CURTAINS are shredded. Now, I know a few members on our team who might be stupid enough (Dewalt) to wipe their butt with them, but shredded curtains, and upholstery, among other things, are the hallmark of only one creature: the cat. So, in order to combat this, I did what any other logical human being would do. I told the team chefs to take Fancy Feast tuna fish casserole off the menu until morale improves and the cat stops acting up, and replacing the current litter with unscented litter in all washrooms. Then, the cat went ballistic. She’s been blowing up my mentions every single day, getting more and more aggressive as the days go by. Having my client, D’Jasper, line up next to her on the defensive line certainly gives me heart palpitations as an agent. So, heed this as a warning, DONUT—shape up right away, or the YARN and WARM MILK are next! Speaking of which, if you’ve ever heard the cat sing, I must say it is some of the most god awful ear bleeding stuff I have ever heard. Truly the stuff of nightmares. Never let the cat sing. In all caps so it understands me: @OrbitingDeath THANK YOU FOR MAKING SUCH AN ENTERTAINING CHARACTER. I LOVE MESSING WITH THE CAT AND IT HAS MADE THE BER LOCKER ROOM A LOT MORE FUN. Meanwhile, elsewhere in Berlin locker room, Gadget and Dewalt were most impressed with my arsenal of emotes, as I had to display a show of force by brandishing the finest from my collection: But in Berlin as a whole, all eyes were on the official presentation of the ISFL Draft, of which I watched with the sound off on my phone at the pool. So I can only pontificate that much bungling of the draft stream occurred, as is par for the course in the ISFL. As one after another name was called, I am thrilled to finally lift the review embargo and say that I think this draft was a SWIMMING success for the future amphibious S50 Ultimus Champions. That being the Berlin Fire Salamanders, of course! For our fourth overall pick, the Fire Salamanders decided to select none other than my favorite yapping tight end of all time: D’Squarius Green Jr. @sonicxdoom. This is a user I have absolutely loved talking to and I am super excited (and utterly shocked) that Sonic fell to us. That offense just got scary. Furthermore, we TRADED to get RUS-KCKR-001 @8bitd1ck, or however you spell it, who is another great user that I just don’t know super well. Also a newer create, they have jumped astronomically in the power rankings with some quality earning and engagement, and I expect them to patch a sorely needed hole at LB. Sonic seems to be overjoyed that we drafted them in tandem, so I know this is going to be an excellent user combination and a major boost for our locker room. We also grabbed Gopher a Beer and Dylan in later rounds of the draft. I recognize Gopher from the one time I attempted to play Town of Salem and immediately experienced brainrot, but I think I remember them being one of the good ones. As for Dylan, well, despite his stink, he does earn decently as a kicker and is the only known mortal with a power level strong enough to keep DL14 in check :catthink: Happy to have them both on the team! However, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I did NOT hear my favorite name from this crop of rooks get called for Berlin: All being said, the results of the draft were not all rosy. Let’s go through the various draft picks in this season’s draft that I deemed to be the WORST of the bunch: #18 - HON - @IceBear32 - - Baymax - OL - LON Icebear is somewhat of a stinky user, but I would really hate to speak ill of him on his own birthday, so I will have to refrain. However, needless to say, this pick is a REACH. HON, what were you thinking, picking Ice at 18OA??? #24 - OSK - @Painted - Hot Dam - DT - LON This user is fairly stinky and taking this pick in the second round was surely a risk for the newly rebranded lizards (copying the Fire Salamanders, much?). I’m just honestly shocked they took this user so high. REACH, confirmed. #25 - NYS - @wizard_literal - Duke Silverback - RB - MIN And of course, the worse of the worst. One of the most diabolical users in the entire league who uses his DARK MAGIC and TRICKS to ruin my successful enterprise. What New York was thinking when they made this pick, I absolutely have no idea but they should be CLOSED DOWN PERMANENTLY as a franchise after this travesty. REACH!!! #26 - BER - @Dewalt27 - Connor Craig Jr. Jr. - OL - TIJ An incredibly stinky user and a massive REACH for this pick. I have absolutely no clue what our war room thought they were doing, but somebody NEEDS to be fired for this one. For starters, we wasted a SECOND ROUNDER for the SECOND YEAR IN A ROW on a crummy user at a totally useless position (who needs OL anyways?), so Dewalt will pair up quite stinkily with his partner in crime, Gadget. #27 - COL - @iStegosauruz - Secret Squirrel - WR - LON Another incredibly stinky user who is going to take this Colorado team from bad to worse. Why would they take this user when they already have the incredibly talented Tim Riggins??? Another absolute REACH I dare say!!! #28 - OCO - @UptownCord - Deacon Blues - TE - POR And last but not least, UptownStink himself. Now that I know that AJ is in on the bit, it makes this pick much less shocking but equally as appalling. Much like his ability to procure stink from thin air, OCO just procured one of the most clear as daylight REACHES I have ever seen in an ISFL Draft. I simply sat there speechless watching the draft stream and almost had to turn it off in horror. If you don’t understand the joke, try asking a GM. With all that out of the way, I must now shift my focus to a much more GRAVE topic, which requires my immediate and resounding attention. What I am referring to, reader, is none other than the most recent SCATHING hitpiece put out against my name, writ by none other than the LEGENDARY, the DIABOLICAL, the ASININE NEFARIOUS VILLAIN of the ISFL: ZENZERONI XYSTARCH II. You see, reader, it all started when new I innocuously told new prospect @Daileyj6: “Since you're new around here I'll give you some advice on how to be successful in the league. What you gotta do is go to ISFL Gen Chat, find somebody named Zenzeroni Xystarch II. He's really friendly and easygoing and loves talking to rookies. Be sure to ask him about his field goal percentage or his thoughts on Venus Powers.” That’s ALL I said. It was literally trying to be helpful. So I didn’t see what the big whoop was. Send a green rook to get some advice from a seasoned vet, right? Then, of course, Zenzeroni reacted with a somewhat tame response compared to his usual HIJINKS: I immediately knew a response would be imminent, in the form of traditional Zenzeroni WORD VOMIT MEDIA RANT. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you the evidence: “Jreed is a multi”, by Zenzeroni Xystarch, II @lock180 Between the buns of this big, sloppy, overstuffed word sandwich is some of the most preposterous fictitious fabrication and mental gymnastics that the noodle man has committed to paper to date. I am completely stunned by the throes of delusion that Zen must have gone through to produce such literary excrement. Between the buns of this big, sloppy, overstuffed word sandwich is some of the most preposterous fictitious fabrication and mental gymnastics that the noodle man has committed to paper to date. I am completely stunned by the throes of delusion that Zen must have gone through to produce such literary excrement. In this incomprehensible rant, Zenzeroni accuses ME, Jreed12, somebody who has never violated a rule in the ISFL in his LIFE, who holds the values of our league NEAR AND DEAR, and was recently offered a GM POSITION, of being a MULTI. I want us to all step back and ponder just how out of left field this gaff is. JREED, a MULTI??? Simply hilarious, I shouldn’t even give this the time of day. However, I would like to counter this with a simple statement. Zenzeroni attempts to connect my ruthless obsession with money (which is the one thing he is correct about) with JKortes’ desire to release double media just to SPITE Zenzeroni. However, when I expressed my gratefulness for double media in my last post, it truly was because I am a degenerate gambler/spender and it was coincidental that I was getting rewarded as my new media was coming out. It’s not my fault that your Book of Zen missed the mark on this double media windfall, and I chalk this up to a mere issue of skill. That being said—I AM WARNING YOU ZENZERONI. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE. IF YOU RELEASE ANOTHER MEDIA SLANDERING MY NAME, I WILL NOT CEASE OR YIELD IN LAYING EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR NOODLEY EXISTENCE BARE TO THE SPECTATORS OF THE ISFL. EVERYBODY WILL KNOW WHAT LIES BENEATH THAT CHEF’S HAT OF YOURS AND THERE WILL BE NOWHERE. LEFT. TO. RUN. Once again, thank you to all who have suffered this far to get to the end of yet another rant, of which I know the number is probably very few. As much as I enjoy counting up dolla dolla bills, I do care about creating humorous, entertaining media for the malleable little minds of the ISFL, so I am glad to be back doing what I love. Until then, ta ta! And Zenzeroni—don’t make me push the red button *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*. Sincerely yours, Jreed12 #SeeYouInS50 RE: REDEMPTION ROAD Part V - lock180 - 07-06-2024 Would someone tell the guy next to me to stop winking and nudging me. IM NOT INTERESTED RE: REDEMPTION ROAD Part V - OrbitingDeath - 07-07-2024 WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR THE CURTAINS, WE ALL KNOW ITS THAT WEIRD LIZARDLIKE CREATURE CALLED GADGET DOING IT. DO I GET MY TUNA CASSAROLE BACK NOW???? AND I WOULDNT HAVE TO SING IF WE WOULD HIRE @Asked Madden FOR OUR PARTIES. BUT HE STILL HASNT MADE HIS DONUT SONG. NOW SAVE ME FROM THIS HORROR CALLED BEING WASHED IN THE SINK. ITS NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS YET