02-15-2024, 02:30 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-20-2024, 09:36 AM by lemonoppy. Edited 1 time in total.)
MENACING MANIFESTO MATERIALIZES! MINOR-LEAGUERS MUSTER MEAN MESSAGE
The movement continues and rookies of the DSFL continue their bid for unionization. Calls for collective bargaining have been only sporadically sent out since The Doghouse last covered the topic, but none have been as bold or as incendiary as those made recently by Portland Pythons rookie WR, Jonathan Irons (@jadda123876). After announcing his disdain of the Head Office in his debut piece Head Office, Ruling Class, Irons has now gone a step further and released what he's calling The Rookie Manifesto.
“The fat cats in their ivory towers will soon realize that the heights from which they may surely fall will make the landing that much more painful. Do not be so vain as to stand atop your pedestal while we DISMANTLE IT!” Irons says in his substantial manifesto. He pulls no punches when accusing the league Head Office of hoarding wealth and only sharing it amongst themselves and the privileged players of the ISFL, and even finishes with an overwhelmingly inflammatory: “Heck HO!”
The response was immediate and is still ongoing. Many rookies immediately voiced their agreement with the movement and the resounding response has some league-sided veterans nervous. Head Rookie Mentor Gadget (@Gadget) had previously provided The Doghouse with their plan to initiate a $30 million task force to “keep the peace” around the rookies and to “encourage” their reconsideration of league policies regarding its rookie players. When asked by The Doghouse whether they considered this investment a failure in light of the manifesto, Gadget had no response except to quickly and angrily walk through this Doghouse reporter without looking back. What new obstacles could the rookies face if the Rookie Mentors’ office decides to increase its “peace-keeping” funding remains to be seen.
This does not appear to phase Mr. Irons however, who offered only a brief response when asked about possible backlash. “"I came here from ridding one world of a worm-infested cult, it seems I will have to oust the worms in Head Office as well.”
A provocative, if not confusing, statement. The Doghouse hopes the Head Office is able to deal with its worm problem without Mr. Irons’s assistance.
Irons’s movement has also found its figurehead in Pythons teammate and DSFL darling, rookie WR Brad Woof. An image posted with Irons’s manifesto depicts Mr. Woof holding a flag aloft, with the slogan “United we bargain, divided we beg.” A surprising development to be sure, as Woof has become beloved to not only his team and fellow rookies, but Head Office as well.
When asked about the manifesto, Woof recited some kind of litany to the Doghouse, which he was clearly very excited to do. “We will SIT with our oppressors and LAY DOWN our demands. We will SPEAK our truths and force them to ROLL OVER. This may SHAKE them, but we will not DROP IT until we are satisfied!” It appeared to be a well-rehearsed statement that Mr. Woof was only too happy to share with us. At least he’s having a good time.
As always, look to the Doghouse for further developments on this rapidly escalating story. At this time, league Head Office has declined our request for comment.
The movement continues and rookies of the DSFL continue their bid for unionization. Calls for collective bargaining have been only sporadically sent out since The Doghouse last covered the topic, but none have been as bold or as incendiary as those made recently by Portland Pythons rookie WR, Jonathan Irons (@jadda123876). After announcing his disdain of the Head Office in his debut piece Head Office, Ruling Class, Irons has now gone a step further and released what he's calling The Rookie Manifesto.
“The fat cats in their ivory towers will soon realize that the heights from which they may surely fall will make the landing that much more painful. Do not be so vain as to stand atop your pedestal while we DISMANTLE IT!” Irons says in his substantial manifesto. He pulls no punches when accusing the league Head Office of hoarding wealth and only sharing it amongst themselves and the privileged players of the ISFL, and even finishes with an overwhelmingly inflammatory: “Heck HO!”
The response was immediate and is still ongoing. Many rookies immediately voiced their agreement with the movement and the resounding response has some league-sided veterans nervous. Head Rookie Mentor Gadget (@Gadget) had previously provided The Doghouse with their plan to initiate a $30 million task force to “keep the peace” around the rookies and to “encourage” their reconsideration of league policies regarding its rookie players. When asked by The Doghouse whether they considered this investment a failure in light of the manifesto, Gadget had no response except to quickly and angrily walk through this Doghouse reporter without looking back. What new obstacles could the rookies face if the Rookie Mentors’ office decides to increase its “peace-keeping” funding remains to be seen.
This does not appear to phase Mr. Irons however, who offered only a brief response when asked about possible backlash. “"I came here from ridding one world of a worm-infested cult, it seems I will have to oust the worms in Head Office as well.”
A provocative, if not confusing, statement. The Doghouse hopes the Head Office is able to deal with its worm problem without Mr. Irons’s assistance.
Irons’s movement has also found its figurehead in Pythons teammate and DSFL darling, rookie WR Brad Woof. An image posted with Irons’s manifesto depicts Mr. Woof holding a flag aloft, with the slogan “United we bargain, divided we beg.” A surprising development to be sure, as Woof has become beloved to not only his team and fellow rookies, but Head Office as well.
When asked about the manifesto, Woof recited some kind of litany to the Doghouse, which he was clearly very excited to do. “We will SIT with our oppressors and LAY DOWN our demands. We will SPEAK our truths and force them to ROLL OVER. This may SHAKE them, but we will not DROP IT until we are satisfied!” It appeared to be a well-rehearsed statement that Mr. Woof was only too happy to share with us. At least he’s having a good time.
As always, look to the Doghouse for further developments on this rapidly escalating story. At this time, league Head Office has declined our request for comment.
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