07-17-2021, 01:21 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-17-2021, 02:40 PM by TakaMori152.)
First thing’s first: for legal reasons, I am officially coming out as the former user Jiggly_333.
Next, I would like to announce that, effective whenever this takes effect, Kiara Tenoh is retiring.
This comes with an incredible amount of regret and sadness. I wanted to have a fresh start, but due to recent HO rulings that is impossible. Also, due to apparent rumors or leaks from HO, this was already going to come out anyway. I’ve seen what a lot of people have said about when I write, that I focus too much on talking about my personal life and that I have a “martyr complex.” So while I’m not exactly going to be brief, I will try to refrain from the obligatory paragraph about my life and if you want to read that you can probably find any other article I’ve written like this. Here, I’m going to explain what I did, why I did it, how I did it, and how I feel about the outcome.
What I did wasn’t create a multi. I called it a “Phoenix Account”. The old account was dead. To this day, I have not logged into it since March 11th, 2021. I wanted that image to die. I wanted to move on and be someone better. I checked the rulebook, which at the time did not explicitly state anything about concurrent accounts as long as they weren't both active. And even after creating, I quietly came out to a few high-ranking people in the league to ask if they knew the legality of this. They said that essentially, as long as I don’t get caught it’ll probably be fine. This was completely uncharted territory to them as far as it was concerned and as long as I stay on a VPN and don’t get real obvious with my writing I won’t need to worry about it.
To sum up: This was legal. Until it wasn’t.
So now comes answering why I did this. Well, I’ve kind of been the scapegoat or whipping post for most sim leagues at this point. Whenever someone wanted an easy target, they usually pointed at me and made memes. I couldn’t go anywhere without being meme’d. My name was a meme in itself. “Jiggly traded five first-rounders for Bex.” “Jiggly tried to trade nudes for a third round pick.” “Jiggly once forced HO to let him be a GM only to have it backfire.” “Jiggly posted child porn in gen chat once.” Whether it was true or not didn’t matter to anyone. My name was no longer my own. People said whatever they wanted about me and the only time I’d respond it would be when I was already riled up to the point that I’d just get yelled at for defending myself so aggressively. I couldn’t get a league job because no one wanted to be around me, I was going undrafted in certain leagues, and I couldn’t post any media because the moment I tried to make any sincere attempt at media I’d just have the topic locked within 12 hours because everyone wanted to come by, dunk on me, and then start spamming memes. It wasn’t a simple thing of being “Do Not Draft”. I was given no chance to speak and when I didn’t speak, others spoke for me by putting words in my mouth.
To sum up: I no longer had control over my own identity, so I chose to change that identity so I could finally be free from those who continued to use my identity to mock me.
When it comes to the “How”, I basically just checked the rule book first. It didn’t seem like I was doing anything explicitly wrong. So I decided to craft a character. I thought of a person that I would be comfortable being and a HoloLive fan came to mind. Or at least, it’s something that I could use and be a weeb without being fully committed to being the full weeb that I actually am. I liked the story of Kiara Takanashi and how before becoming a v-tuber, she was actually an idol. But, at some point, she was harassed and blacklisted by a couple of angry fans who didn’t like that she was a foreigner and she was eventually fired. I thought that the symbolism of a phoenix would work for me as well. I decided on the name “TakaMori” because that was a name that I think a random HoloLive fan would have and also added the numbers 152 as a slight reference to the amount of total threads I’d posted. Because I like making sure there’s a certain level of separation between myself and the character, I obviously wrote for a girl. She lived in Chicago, but was actually from Door County, Wisconsin. I decided that her name would be Sarah Dudek and she took the path I didn’t and actually continued on with a journalism degree and got an intern job as a social media manager at the Sun Times. This would also give me an excuse to have odd hours since I only had the discord on my laptop and I don’t check my laptop that often.
To sum up: I created a toned-down version of me, but as a girl. Because what would you expect from me?
This next part cannot be summed up.
Immediately when I joined, I was scared. I needed to check how legal all of this was. So, I came out to a couple of key people. I was so extremely lucky that the first rookie mentor that reached out to me was @124715. He has honestly been the most helpful throughout this entire thing. I already had a solid relationship with him and he did everything he could to help me figure out the legality of this at the time. Later I messaged @Oles and @infinitempg who both helped in the same way. And while I did eventually say something to a couple other people, those were the three who would help me and help to make sure that I could stay safe to finally live a simple life in the league.
What’s also notable about the beginning is that the other two people who knew from the beginning were @Raven and TB who I still talk to about anime, soccer, and life. I made the suggestion to them after I got some experience with running two different identities as a V-Tuber this past year. And at some point TB asked me if he should do the same, at which point I told him no because he didn’t need to do this and also if one of us got caught they’d start looking for the other. He didn’t listen to me, so now we’re here. Still a good kid, needs to read a bit more.
Anyway, the biggest thing I noticed when I joined was how genuinely pleasant everyone was to me, even despite only really speaking in gifs. Which is weird considering how I was treated speaking in gifs. But Taka was different from me. She didn’t know anyone here and had no reason to hate anyone. I refused to let her carry my anger.
There’s a really cool PBS channel on YouTube where they animate old “lost interviews” with cool people. There’s a video with Robin Williams, one with Castro, another with Kurt Cobain. The one that I am thinking of is David Bowie’s where it was right after he retired Ziggy Stardust. He said that he really created Ziggy because he needed to write for someone. He could easily write songs for Iggy Pop or the Rolling Stones, but he struggled to write for himself. I think that having the filter of being Taka allowed me to control myself better. I’d see a comment that I’d take offense to, but Taka doesn’t know anything about it so why would she say anything? I was also finally honest with myself and just told GMs right away that I’m just not good at talking to people. Because that’s true. And I just asked if I could be quiet in the locker room and just live my own life in the league.
That was all I really wanted. To live a quiet life for once. I even changed my pfp on Discord to a character whose whole backstory is “I had a rough life, so God sent me to a new world where I could just live a quiet life on a farm.”
During my time with the London Royals, it was the first time I genuinely felt accepted and cared for in the ISFL since S1. No one had any prejudices against me. No one felt the need to say “Don’t worry about what everyone else says about you, we have your back” after drafting me. Because I was finally free from my past. I could even write a full article about something that interested me, but was a bit critical of the league, without having the article filled with people meme-ing about me. I was finally living a quiet sim league life. I picked up a job with the judging committee and was planning to settle in.
Then, TB told me that HO found him. And also that he created a new account even though I told him not to. And then the Zamir stuff happened.
So I want to make it clear that I do not blame HO for this. At this point, HO is just doing what HO is there to do. Zamir put them in a tough spot and TB put them on edge. Sometimes I’d accidentally click the bookmark link without my VPN on. So, they caught up to me, offered me a chance to speak for myself, but ultimately due to the ruling about Zamir I was set to be a casualty. They’re offering amnesty to phoenixes (I refuse to call myself a multi) if they come clean, but according to the HO member I spoke to it meant that I need to do it publicly (though another was saying I could do it in a DM?). They also were going to punish me for “abusing rookie tasks.”
I will make room for a small rant on the Rookie Tasks rule. So many people I spoke to didn’t even know about the rule until I mentioned that it was the one that I broke. It is listed all the way at the bottom of the rulebook between a rule about direct payments and another about recruitment TPE. A rule that appears to be about “multis” is nowhere near the section dedicated to rules about multis. If nothing else, I would like that rule moved to where it is most relevant and not just randomly sitting around.
The moment that I post this, I’m just going to become another meme. Another Noble. Another “Hey, you remember that one time this piece of shit did this one thing? How did they think they’d get away with it?” story. HO explicitly told me that they did not want me to feel like I should retire after coming out and that they were not pushing me to retire. And they also explicitly said that they weren’t going to give me any quotes I could use against them. But it doesn’t matter because I can’t really use anything against them. The joke is on me and it always has been. Pretty soon they’ll publicly announce a ruling on my “Rookie Task Abuse” because that’s their job. And my job is to sit around and be the funny thing to be laughed at.
Before I go, I want to apologize to my teammates in London and Philly. I spoke to the GMs when I started writing this to apologize personally. To London, thank you for accepting me. Thank you for helping me recapture that feeling I had three years ago with the Orange County Otters. I’m absolutely sure that a lot of you will go far in this league. And to Philly… I always read back in every single Discord server I walk into. I search “Jiggly” and just see what comes up. If you do that, you’ll understand why I was a bit hesitant for Taka to join. But for the brief time that she was there, you welcomed her and that was all I could ask for.
And to the rest of the league, I do regret a lot of the things that I did. I kept pushing to do things so that I could replace those bad things with good ones. But all that ever did was just make more and more messes for me to try to make up for. I’m just happy that without the stigma around my name and my past, I could still make friends with some of you.
I came back to the NSFL because I had nowhere else to go. I’m sorry for breaking yet another rule I set for myself, but I’m about to start film school in a couple months. I remembered back when I started community college right after joining the NSFL and thought that maybe I could just try to get that feeling back. And I did. For a while. But I guess that even with TC’s prophecy fulfilled, it wasn’t meant to be.
I don’t know if I’ll come back. I shouldn’t come back, but I just don’t know what I’ll do. I left because I felt trapped, so I came back in an attempt to be free again. Now, with rules officially in place, if I come back it’ll be back on my old account. I’ll be Jiggly again. I hope that I don’t come back. But I hope that if I do, I’ll get the opportunity to feel free again.
I'll still be in the Discord servers that I'm currently in for a few more days if anyone wants to talk or has questions. After that, I hope that the next time you see me I'll actually be happy.
Next, I would like to announce that, effective whenever this takes effect, Kiara Tenoh is retiring.
This comes with an incredible amount of regret and sadness. I wanted to have a fresh start, but due to recent HO rulings that is impossible. Also, due to apparent rumors or leaks from HO, this was already going to come out anyway. I’ve seen what a lot of people have said about when I write, that I focus too much on talking about my personal life and that I have a “martyr complex.” So while I’m not exactly going to be brief, I will try to refrain from the obligatory paragraph about my life and if you want to read that you can probably find any other article I’ve written like this. Here, I’m going to explain what I did, why I did it, how I did it, and how I feel about the outcome.
What I did wasn’t create a multi. I called it a “Phoenix Account”. The old account was dead. To this day, I have not logged into it since March 11th, 2021. I wanted that image to die. I wanted to move on and be someone better. I checked the rulebook, which at the time did not explicitly state anything about concurrent accounts as long as they weren't both active. And even after creating, I quietly came out to a few high-ranking people in the league to ask if they knew the legality of this. They said that essentially, as long as I don’t get caught it’ll probably be fine. This was completely uncharted territory to them as far as it was concerned and as long as I stay on a VPN and don’t get real obvious with my writing I won’t need to worry about it.
To sum up: This was legal. Until it wasn’t.
So now comes answering why I did this. Well, I’ve kind of been the scapegoat or whipping post for most sim leagues at this point. Whenever someone wanted an easy target, they usually pointed at me and made memes. I couldn’t go anywhere without being meme’d. My name was a meme in itself. “Jiggly traded five first-rounders for Bex.” “Jiggly tried to trade nudes for a third round pick.” “Jiggly once forced HO to let him be a GM only to have it backfire.” “Jiggly posted child porn in gen chat once.” Whether it was true or not didn’t matter to anyone. My name was no longer my own. People said whatever they wanted about me and the only time I’d respond it would be when I was already riled up to the point that I’d just get yelled at for defending myself so aggressively. I couldn’t get a league job because no one wanted to be around me, I was going undrafted in certain leagues, and I couldn’t post any media because the moment I tried to make any sincere attempt at media I’d just have the topic locked within 12 hours because everyone wanted to come by, dunk on me, and then start spamming memes. It wasn’t a simple thing of being “Do Not Draft”. I was given no chance to speak and when I didn’t speak, others spoke for me by putting words in my mouth.
To sum up: I no longer had control over my own identity, so I chose to change that identity so I could finally be free from those who continued to use my identity to mock me.
When it comes to the “How”, I basically just checked the rule book first. It didn’t seem like I was doing anything explicitly wrong. So I decided to craft a character. I thought of a person that I would be comfortable being and a HoloLive fan came to mind. Or at least, it’s something that I could use and be a weeb without being fully committed to being the full weeb that I actually am. I liked the story of Kiara Takanashi and how before becoming a v-tuber, she was actually an idol. But, at some point, she was harassed and blacklisted by a couple of angry fans who didn’t like that she was a foreigner and she was eventually fired. I thought that the symbolism of a phoenix would work for me as well. I decided on the name “TakaMori” because that was a name that I think a random HoloLive fan would have and also added the numbers 152 as a slight reference to the amount of total threads I’d posted. Because I like making sure there’s a certain level of separation between myself and the character, I obviously wrote for a girl. She lived in Chicago, but was actually from Door County, Wisconsin. I decided that her name would be Sarah Dudek and she took the path I didn’t and actually continued on with a journalism degree and got an intern job as a social media manager at the Sun Times. This would also give me an excuse to have odd hours since I only had the discord on my laptop and I don’t check my laptop that often.
To sum up: I created a toned-down version of me, but as a girl. Because what would you expect from me?
This next part cannot be summed up.
Immediately when I joined, I was scared. I needed to check how legal all of this was. So, I came out to a couple of key people. I was so extremely lucky that the first rookie mentor that reached out to me was @124715. He has honestly been the most helpful throughout this entire thing. I already had a solid relationship with him and he did everything he could to help me figure out the legality of this at the time. Later I messaged @Oles and @infinitempg who both helped in the same way. And while I did eventually say something to a couple other people, those were the three who would help me and help to make sure that I could stay safe to finally live a simple life in the league.
What’s also notable about the beginning is that the other two people who knew from the beginning were @Raven and TB who I still talk to about anime, soccer, and life. I made the suggestion to them after I got some experience with running two different identities as a V-Tuber this past year. And at some point TB asked me if he should do the same, at which point I told him no because he didn’t need to do this and also if one of us got caught they’d start looking for the other. He didn’t listen to me, so now we’re here. Still a good kid, needs to read a bit more.
Anyway, the biggest thing I noticed when I joined was how genuinely pleasant everyone was to me, even despite only really speaking in gifs. Which is weird considering how I was treated speaking in gifs. But Taka was different from me. She didn’t know anyone here and had no reason to hate anyone. I refused to let her carry my anger.
There’s a really cool PBS channel on YouTube where they animate old “lost interviews” with cool people. There’s a video with Robin Williams, one with Castro, another with Kurt Cobain. The one that I am thinking of is David Bowie’s where it was right after he retired Ziggy Stardust. He said that he really created Ziggy because he needed to write for someone. He could easily write songs for Iggy Pop or the Rolling Stones, but he struggled to write for himself. I think that having the filter of being Taka allowed me to control myself better. I’d see a comment that I’d take offense to, but Taka doesn’t know anything about it so why would she say anything? I was also finally honest with myself and just told GMs right away that I’m just not good at talking to people. Because that’s true. And I just asked if I could be quiet in the locker room and just live my own life in the league.
That was all I really wanted. To live a quiet life for once. I even changed my pfp on Discord to a character whose whole backstory is “I had a rough life, so God sent me to a new world where I could just live a quiet life on a farm.”
During my time with the London Royals, it was the first time I genuinely felt accepted and cared for in the ISFL since S1. No one had any prejudices against me. No one felt the need to say “Don’t worry about what everyone else says about you, we have your back” after drafting me. Because I was finally free from my past. I could even write a full article about something that interested me, but was a bit critical of the league, without having the article filled with people meme-ing about me. I was finally living a quiet sim league life. I picked up a job with the judging committee and was planning to settle in.
Then, TB told me that HO found him. And also that he created a new account even though I told him not to. And then the Zamir stuff happened.
So I want to make it clear that I do not blame HO for this. At this point, HO is just doing what HO is there to do. Zamir put them in a tough spot and TB put them on edge. Sometimes I’d accidentally click the bookmark link without my VPN on. So, they caught up to me, offered me a chance to speak for myself, but ultimately due to the ruling about Zamir I was set to be a casualty. They’re offering amnesty to phoenixes (I refuse to call myself a multi) if they come clean, but according to the HO member I spoke to it meant that I need to do it publicly (though another was saying I could do it in a DM?). They also were going to punish me for “abusing rookie tasks.”
I will make room for a small rant on the Rookie Tasks rule. So many people I spoke to didn’t even know about the rule until I mentioned that it was the one that I broke. It is listed all the way at the bottom of the rulebook between a rule about direct payments and another about recruitment TPE. A rule that appears to be about “multis” is nowhere near the section dedicated to rules about multis. If nothing else, I would like that rule moved to where it is most relevant and not just randomly sitting around.
The moment that I post this, I’m just going to become another meme. Another Noble. Another “Hey, you remember that one time this piece of shit did this one thing? How did they think they’d get away with it?” story. HO explicitly told me that they did not want me to feel like I should retire after coming out and that they were not pushing me to retire. And they also explicitly said that they weren’t going to give me any quotes I could use against them. But it doesn’t matter because I can’t really use anything against them. The joke is on me and it always has been. Pretty soon they’ll publicly announce a ruling on my “Rookie Task Abuse” because that’s their job. And my job is to sit around and be the funny thing to be laughed at.
Before I go, I want to apologize to my teammates in London and Philly. I spoke to the GMs when I started writing this to apologize personally. To London, thank you for accepting me. Thank you for helping me recapture that feeling I had three years ago with the Orange County Otters. I’m absolutely sure that a lot of you will go far in this league. And to Philly… I always read back in every single Discord server I walk into. I search “Jiggly” and just see what comes up. If you do that, you’ll understand why I was a bit hesitant for Taka to join. But for the brief time that she was there, you welcomed her and that was all I could ask for.
And to the rest of the league, I do regret a lot of the things that I did. I kept pushing to do things so that I could replace those bad things with good ones. But all that ever did was just make more and more messes for me to try to make up for. I’m just happy that without the stigma around my name and my past, I could still make friends with some of you.
I came back to the NSFL because I had nowhere else to go. I’m sorry for breaking yet another rule I set for myself, but I’m about to start film school in a couple months. I remembered back when I started community college right after joining the NSFL and thought that maybe I could just try to get that feeling back. And I did. For a while. But I guess that even with TC’s prophecy fulfilled, it wasn’t meant to be.
I don’t know if I’ll come back. I shouldn’t come back, but I just don’t know what I’ll do. I left because I felt trapped, so I came back in an attempt to be free again. Now, with rules officially in place, if I come back it’ll be back on my old account. I’ll be Jiggly again. I hope that I don’t come back. But I hope that if I do, I’ll get the opportunity to feel free again.
I'll still be in the Discord servers that I'm currently in for a few more days if anyone wants to talk or has questions. After that, I hope that the next time you see me I'll actually be happy.
Code:
Edited because I had the wrong link for TC's prophecy.
She/Her
![[Image: tenoh.png]](https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/2tuorG3Y_yItj2KosgPy8bHqnQjIDAfZbEXJVwqanI0/https/i.postimg.cc/d03qcnrp/tenoh.png)
![[Image: inverted.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/inverted.gif)
![[Image: inverted2.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/inverted2.gif)
![[Image: k1pKl5v.png]](https://i.imgur.com/k1pKl5v.png)
![[Image: fISkuZu.png]](https://i.imgur.com/fISkuZu.png)
![[Image: unknown.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/652640309615919137/899936706411773952/unknown.png)
![[Image: RzvXFps.gif]](https://i.imgur.com/RzvXFps.gif)
![[Image: S4_BANNER_2.png]](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/901294203663966238/901295745896955904/S4_BANNER_2.png)
![[Image: 012p.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/3J542q1C/012p.png)
