Wtf, right now?? Like in the middle of my ISFL career? Is that some thinly veiled insult to try and say I don't belong here and that I might as well give up my dreams to coach high school ball? Fuck whoever thought that was it was a good idea to page me in the middle of Week 14, but you know what, I understand. After all, I am the best thing to ever pass through that school, and I already coached one year already. Basically, when I was a senior playing rover, and the defensive coordinator basically said fuck it, Juno Hu's callin' the plays now, 'cause the fat mofo preferred sitting in the press box with a giant bag of Cheetos and filming our games. He got so much Cheeto dust all over that camera that he ended up having to buy it off the school 'cause no one else was willing to fuck with it. You could fuckin see cheeto dust on the playback, and we had to play that shit on mute every time 'cause otherwise all you would hear is this mofo munchin' and farting.
And it was there that I installed the coveted Naked Corner Blitz and it worked to great success, probably 'cause high school kids are stupid as fuck and can't read a defense to save their lives.
But shit what would happen? We already know what would happen. We would perpetually win state, especially if I were to put myself in, but that wouldn't be fair obviously so I won't do that. People would be like "Hu's coaching them?" That's right! They already know!
I'd be the best thing to happen to those kids. I project a constant aura of inspiration that radiates out, affecting everyone on my team and simultaneously serves as an aura of discouragement to everyone not on my team. You got a quiet kid who's shy and doesn't have many friends? Not when I'm done with him. We will break his ass down and build him back up to be harder, better, faster, stronger. He will feel like a billion bucks. Billion with a B, 'cause millions ain't worth shit anymore, 'cause inflation. Or he might just break and come in to school mid-season and shoot up the whole school, but the important part is that he does it with confidence, head held high. Anyways, make sure you grab yourself a vest during the back to school sale.
But ye, after retiring I could see myself coaching high school ball long term. Maybe I'll pick up a coaching gig at one of them prep schools with those fine young white teachers if you know what I'm sayin'.
And it was there that I installed the coveted Naked Corner Blitz and it worked to great success, probably 'cause high school kids are stupid as fuck and can't read a defense to save their lives.
But shit what would happen? We already know what would happen. We would perpetually win state, especially if I were to put myself in, but that wouldn't be fair obviously so I won't do that. People would be like "Hu's coaching them?" That's right! They already know!
I'd be the best thing to happen to those kids. I project a constant aura of inspiration that radiates out, affecting everyone on my team and simultaneously serves as an aura of discouragement to everyone not on my team. You got a quiet kid who's shy and doesn't have many friends? Not when I'm done with him. We will break his ass down and build him back up to be harder, better, faster, stronger. He will feel like a billion bucks. Billion with a B, 'cause millions ain't worth shit anymore, 'cause inflation. Or he might just break and come in to school mid-season and shoot up the whole school, but the important part is that he does it with confidence, head held high. Anyways, make sure you grab yourself a vest during the back to school sale.
But ye, after retiring I could see myself coaching high school ball long term. Maybe I'll pick up a coaching gig at one of them prep schools with those fine young white teachers if you know what I'm sayin'.