If you can't see the obvious marketing opportunity available to the Portland Pythons then I've got news for you. Not only do you lack the spirit of an entreupeneur, you also clearly lack any imagination. What we have here are bright green condoms, with a forked tongue and a striped appearance. We offer them free at games initially before pushing them into our restrooms and our concessions stands. We could also potentially use them as balloons to offset the cost of actually paying for balloons. I give you, the Portland Python Pickle Penetration Protector. No more will your wee man be left to fend for himself. It takes all 11 men out there to make a difference. Let us be your defensive co-ordinator, your face cage. You wouldn't send your star player out there unprotected, so don't! We've got you covered, from kick off to the final whistle, stay safe with the Portland Python Pickle Penetration Protector.
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