05-01-2022, 09:07 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-01-2022, 09:28 AM by Fordhammer. Edited 1 time in total.)
Tier 2 #10:
Jean-Ralphio's story of how he came into the league is a long one. And it typically changes over the years and depending on who he is telling the story to. Jean-Ralphio grew up extremely spoiled by his father. This translated to the pop warner football coach being bribed to give him a chance to play over other more talented kids. Jean-Ralphio surprised everyone by excelling beyond their expectations. As a rather tall child, he played quarterback. He quickly realized it was not for him, however, as it would require him to spend time outside of practice learning football and he did not have time for such things. He eventually settled on defensive end. The singular goal of crushing the QB and occasional running back appealed to Jean-Ralphio's mindset. He proved to have a knack for this sort of thing. Occasionally he ran into a giant of a child that he couldn't get around, but that was unusual. His team did not win much, as his father learned there is only so much money could buy in pop warner.
High school was much of the same. The coach wouldn't let him play due to his personality, but then what do you know, the high school got a new gym provided by Dr. Saperstein! Jean-Ralphio was definitely challenged more in high school. He would go against several future DSFL players, and they proved to be tricky to just run by. Jean-Ralphio had to develop a spin move. His lanky arms made it slower than most, but he was able to use his momentum to make it effective.
In College, Jean-Ralphio had developed as a prospect enough to need no help from his dad to make the team. Getting into the school itself of course required a bribe. Jean-Ralphio's GPA was a work in process as he liked to tell people who would ask him. Jean-Ralphio made a name for himself as an extremely speedy pass rusher and eventually garnered the attention of DSFL scouts.
Tier 2 #8:
Jean-Ralphio loves awards. He's been getting them since birth, basically. Usually from his dad or self-given, but still, he has an entire walk in closet full of them. He's never thrown one away, and he's not about to. So when someone from the ISFL contacted him about "Best Failed Startup With Tom Haverford", he was completely up for pleading his case on why he should win.
The aforementioned failed startup was a international multimedia marketing company called Entertainment 720. Their office was an abandoned aircraft hanger which the poured a ton of money into to renovate it.
Speaking of the money for this project, it allegedly came from a fraudulent insurance claim where Jean-Ralphio stepped out in front of a car and proceeded to fake an injury. Due to the sensitive nature of the ongoing investigation, this is completely false per Jean-Ralphio.
The business plan was sketchy at best. The company failed to hire an accountant until they were nearly out of funds. The company spent several weeks spending money on model administrative assistants and NBA players like Roy Hibbert to stand around and shoot jumpers all day. All to create a certain vibe that the nonexistent clients never saw. They spent a fortune on food, as well. With every meal catered by an expensive restaurant in Eagleton.
After a while they brought in local accountant Ben Wyatt. After a couple hours with their financials, he pronounced them to be heading towards insolvency in a matter of weeks. Tom was nearly inconsolable and in a state of unbelief. Jean-Ralphio wasn't sure what insolvent meant, and therefore unbothered entirely. With it being far too late to save things, the company shutdown after one last party where they used every last bit of the company's ill-gotten cash.
Jean-Ralphio ended up winning the award by a unanimous vote. He's still not even sure why the award exists, but he happily added it to his extensive collection as one of his proudest.
Jean-Ralphio's story of how he came into the league is a long one. And it typically changes over the years and depending on who he is telling the story to. Jean-Ralphio grew up extremely spoiled by his father. This translated to the pop warner football coach being bribed to give him a chance to play over other more talented kids. Jean-Ralphio surprised everyone by excelling beyond their expectations. As a rather tall child, he played quarterback. He quickly realized it was not for him, however, as it would require him to spend time outside of practice learning football and he did not have time for such things. He eventually settled on defensive end. The singular goal of crushing the QB and occasional running back appealed to Jean-Ralphio's mindset. He proved to have a knack for this sort of thing. Occasionally he ran into a giant of a child that he couldn't get around, but that was unusual. His team did not win much, as his father learned there is only so much money could buy in pop warner.
High school was much of the same. The coach wouldn't let him play due to his personality, but then what do you know, the high school got a new gym provided by Dr. Saperstein! Jean-Ralphio was definitely challenged more in high school. He would go against several future DSFL players, and they proved to be tricky to just run by. Jean-Ralphio had to develop a spin move. His lanky arms made it slower than most, but he was able to use his momentum to make it effective.
In College, Jean-Ralphio had developed as a prospect enough to need no help from his dad to make the team. Getting into the school itself of course required a bribe. Jean-Ralphio's GPA was a work in process as he liked to tell people who would ask him. Jean-Ralphio made a name for himself as an extremely speedy pass rusher and eventually garnered the attention of DSFL scouts.
Tier 2 #8:
Jean-Ralphio loves awards. He's been getting them since birth, basically. Usually from his dad or self-given, but still, he has an entire walk in closet full of them. He's never thrown one away, and he's not about to. So when someone from the ISFL contacted him about "Best Failed Startup With Tom Haverford", he was completely up for pleading his case on why he should win.
The aforementioned failed startup was a international multimedia marketing company called Entertainment 720. Their office was an abandoned aircraft hanger which the poured a ton of money into to renovate it.
Speaking of the money for this project, it allegedly came from a fraudulent insurance claim where Jean-Ralphio stepped out in front of a car and proceeded to fake an injury. Due to the sensitive nature of the ongoing investigation, this is completely false per Jean-Ralphio.
The business plan was sketchy at best. The company failed to hire an accountant until they were nearly out of funds. The company spent several weeks spending money on model administrative assistants and NBA players like Roy Hibbert to stand around and shoot jumpers all day. All to create a certain vibe that the nonexistent clients never saw. They spent a fortune on food, as well. With every meal catered by an expensive restaurant in Eagleton.
After a while they brought in local accountant Ben Wyatt. After a couple hours with their financials, he pronounced them to be heading towards insolvency in a matter of weeks. Tom was nearly inconsolable and in a state of unbelief. Jean-Ralphio wasn't sure what insolvent meant, and therefore unbothered entirely. With it being far too late to save things, the company shutdown after one last party where they used every last bit of the company's ill-gotten cash.
Jean-Ralphio ended up winning the award by a unanimous vote. He's still not even sure why the award exists, but he happily added it to his extensive collection as one of his proudest.