If I could swap positions with anyone in the entire league, even if we are allowed any player ever, it would be Zenzeroni Xystarch II. I remember when I was a kicker/punter, and greatly enjoyed remaining there despite being a high earning player. Unlike my kicker/punter, Zenzeroni is decent at field goals, and is on pace to be the greatest punter of all time. More on that later. Zenzeroni Xystarch II owns his own pizzeria, and regularly has... episodes. He has published ridiculously long media pieces dwarfing many people's entire media catalog. Despite that, I have read every word. To call them anything but insane ramblings would be an insult to Zenzeroni Xystarch II. Now to address my previous claim of him being on pace to be the greatest punter of all time. Zenzeroni is currently 5th all time in punt average with a 47.763 average. He also has the single highest punt inside 20% of all time at 0.478. On top of that, earlier this season he had a game where 3 of his punts pinned the other team at the 1 yard line.
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