The Philly stonks are in the dumpster and nobody knows why. Everything is terrible. Philadelphia has burned down multiple times, or so I'm told. My persona non grata status prevents me from entering the city, where I'm told the Sam Torenson for mayor campaign has rapidly taken a horrible nose dive, with poll numbers plunging from 44% to a miserable 2% (which coincidentally happens to be the chance of the Liberty going 0-6). Torenson's campaign manager, Fuzzy Dotson, is also not allowed into the city which makes it difficult for either Dotson or Torenson to resurrect their campaign. Brock Phoenix, too, is having trouble. After the first game, the city he'd spend his entire career trying to win over after taking over for Adriana Falconi quickly turned on him. On the first day after the game he went to eat his customary cheesesteak and was pelted with batteries. Not being able to eat the cheesesteak made him play worse and then it was even more difficult to get the cheesesteak next week. Dissatisfaction with the team led to the city rioting and burning down. Richard D'Attoria V was injured in a riot because he was too old to run out of the way.
Please send help, my stonks are dead and I can not get cheesesteaks
Please send help, my stonks are dead and I can not get cheesesteaks
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