*Where in the World is Sergio Kitchens?

WannabeFinn · (This post was last modified: 12-10-2020, 04:46 PM by Asked Madden.)

Running back/Linebacker/Longsnapper Sergio Kitchens was recently reported as missing after he failed to appear for Bondi Beach’s week 2 and week 3 games. If you have any information regarding his whereabouts please contact the god of thunder himself, Thor.

BREAKING: Rumors of Sergio Kitchens’ reappearance in the city of Austin are spreading like wildfire on the Internet. We will keep you updated as this story progresses.

scorycory · 12-09-2020, 12:43 PM

Running Longsnacker

WannabeFinn · 12-09-2020, 12:48 PM

UPDATE (11:46 am local time): Sergio himself has reached out to me via text. He says his last memory is of making a tackle in Week 1 against Tijuana. He does not know why he is in Austin. He said someone asked him how many touches he thinks he’ll get tonight. He seems disoriented and agitated, to say the least.

OrbitingDeath · 12-09-2020, 12:57 PM

Is this Sergio from Amazon support? @gucci could your friend confirm?

WannabeFinn · 12-09-2020, 01:02 PM

UPDATE (12:00pm local): An Austin-area Uber driver just reached out to me, claims he’s picking up a passenger whose profile pic looks just like Kitchens.

scorycory · (This post was last modified: 12-09-2020, 01:04 PM by scorycory.)

stupid image embedding

WannabeFinn · 12-09-2020, 01:24 PM

UPDATE (12:23pm local): The passenger has been dropped off at Austin-Bergstrom International airport. A secondary source within the terminal has confirmed to me that Sergio Kitchens is there and waiting in line for Whataburger.

Sushi · 12-09-2020, 02:12 PM

must be a long line

scorycory · 12-09-2020, 02:18 PM

(12-09-2020, 02:12 PM)Sushi Wrote: must be a long line

Come on, it's not an In-N-Out

WannabeFinn · 12-09-2020, 02:53 PM

BREAKING: Sergio Kitchens has boarded a commercial flight destined for his home state of Georgia. He is expected to address the media once he has landed in Atlanta.