06-10-2022, 01:23 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-20-2022, 10:20 AM by allbetsonjames. Edited 1 time in total.)
Ahh, welcome to this tour of MockU, a school where every facet of learning is based upon mock drafts. Mockademia, if you will. To our right we have the cafeteria, which serves Mockdonald's at all hours of the day. A little beyond that, is our student store. They sell really big boards. To our left here is one set of class buildings. That one is for Applied Mockematics, right next to it is Mockonomics, and this one here is everyone's favorite: Organic Chemockstry. Ooh, the professor is about to give a lecture about ISFL S36. Let's listen in for a couple of rounds!
Disclaimer
The picks I made for this mock draft are based on a combination of the following: positional need, the amount of the player's TPE, and the size of the player's bank account. The picks do not factor in relationships, scouting conversations, positional changes, or free agents.
01.01 (01): COL — S Teemo Swift (MINN) @Repgnar
In a forgettable season in which the Yeti were last in both points and yards allowed, seeing them use their first overall pick to strengthen their defense is not a surprise. With the retirement of SparkySparky Boom-man, Colorado could not be more fortunate to have Swift be right there to fill that vacancy. Swift had zero missed tackles last season, and the Yeti could definitely use someone with this type proficiency in the third level.
01.02 (02): AUS — DT Xavier Valorian (POR) @XaveValor
Austin comes into the draft with many holes to fill. With seemingly every team needing some sort of reinforcement on the defensive line, the Copperheads dart in to nab their snakebro DT Xavier Valorian. Valorian has the skillset to play on the interior and the outside, and this versatility should allow Austin some leeway on how to go about addressing the rest of their needs.
01.03 (03): NYS — DE Jean-Ralphio Saperstein (KCC) @Fordhammer
Despite New York's offense scoring many points, the defense gave up even more. With one of their DEs retiring and two more being inactive, the Silverbacks hope to reinvigorate their defensive line with an injection of Saperstein, the sack leader in the DSFL this past season with a whopping count of 18. Although four players on the offensive side retired, they rightfully pounced on Saperstein because they would've had to wait until R3 for their next "free" pick.
01.04 (04): NOLA — CB Graham Harper (NOR) @PurpleReign
Although New Orleans is on the clock this early in the draft, the team does not have many holes. With some growth on their roster, we could see them climb the standings sooner than later. Currently, their only noteworthy concerns are an aging DE and an inactive nickelback. Since the Second Line have another pick at 13, they can afford to temporarily set aside their need for a DE and snag a top player at a coveted position in Graham Harper. With the current trajectory of Harper's rise, he just may soon take over a starting job.
01.05 (05): CHI (from SAR) — DE JR Frankenstero (DAL) @Punk42AE
Chicago suffered a bit of Ultimus hangover, starting the season with no energy or drive. They managed to claw their way back up to tie for first in their conference, but will not be making the trip to the Ivory Coast this year. With Oles Jr. getting the first taste of regression this offseason, they could look into getting a QB, but with three picks in the first two rounds, they jump on the DE train and grab Frankenstero. Frankenstero could see immediate action if the Butchers decide to replace the inactive Red Arrow Jr.
01.06 (06): BER — LB Kevin McThumper (BBB) @Chucky
To have McThumper fall this far is a testament to the strength and depth of this draft. Last season, McThumper had himself quite a stat line among linebackers, garnering 121 tackles (T-1st), 16 TFLs (T-1st), 2 FFs (T-3rd), 7 sacks (5th), 1 INT (T-5th), and 7 PDs (T-5th). Berlin has a slightly stronger need at CB over LB, but with Harper off the board and their LB corps growing long in the tooth, this becomes an easy pick for them. Depending on how the Fire Salamanders handle the inactive LaDamien Beck, McThumper could also be a day one starter and he has the resume to prove it.
01.07 (07): SJS — DE Aqeel Steele (MINN) @"NonComplicit"
Like NOLA, SJS doesn't have too many holes. They just need their young roster to grow. Taking Steele here strengthens the defensive line, freeing themselves of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (allegedly). The SaberCats also have a need at LB, but with McThumper off the board, they snatch up the final 250+ DE.
01.08 (08): PHI — LB Fred Edison (KCC) @Liter
"If you won't, then we will," says Philadelphia as they select the best LB currently on the board. Liter immediately fills the void caused by the retirement of In Active. This pick solidifies the Liberty's LB corps, and shouldn't have to be addressed for many seasons to come. That is exactly what they need because many other spots on their roster are beginning to age.
01.09 (09): YKW — TE Mister Hogmally (DAL) @iStegosauruz
Yellowknife's defense was stellar throughout the year, but their offense couldn't match that intensity and often sputtered out. They also went through the season without a true tight end. The Wraiths solve both these problems by finally cracking the offensive side of the board and selecting Hogmally. He will give the Wraiths a big target in the middle of the field and allow them to be less reliant on the run game.
01.10 (10): OCO — WR Austin Morley (KCC) @soevil
Another offensive player comes off the board! Orange County gives their QB another weapon in the scrappy Morley. This is a good selection by the Otters, as their passing attack last year was subpar, ranking 11th in the league. If their defense continues to be opportunistic and their passing game takes off with the inclusion of Morley, we could see OCO crack double digits in the W column.
01.11 (11): CHI — CB Suggs Upshar II (POR) @Suggs
CHI is back on the clock and they cover another area of concern by selecting Upshar. The Butchers could have Upshar develop further in the DSFL for a season or two until the regression bat wallops the inactive PickSix into non-existence. Their other starting CB Soulja is also aging, so Upshar is a great insurance policy.
01.12 (12): ARI — LB Ignatius Reilly (LON) @yesboom
The Outlaws lick their wounds as they suffer another unfortunate ouster from the playoffs by running into the Hahalua. Their main needs are DE and LB, and they decide to take Reilly due to the edge in TPE. Another reason is probably because he's the co-leader alongside McThumper in tackles (121). Reilly could stay in London to hone his abilities for another year while Burfict tries to keep the regression monster at bay. Burfict doesn't really have the motor that he used to, so this pick is definitely sound.
01.13 (13): NOLA (from BAL) — DT Nathan Meagher (BBB) @Nathan
NOLA is back to address their other need, the DE. Instead of DE, though, they take Meagher who is too good to pass up. As an All-Purpose DT, Meagher can easily play at the end of the line in a 3-4 scheme. He may not start right away, but he will definitely be a fixture on NOLA's D-line in the coming years.
01.14 (14): HON — RB Sconnie McSix (NOR) @g2019
Honolulu has quite a dilemma. Their RB and S just retired, leaving them with two big vacancies. As the Hahalua do not have another pick until R4, they have to make this one count. They ultimately go with McSix, which is not a wrong choice by any stretch of the imagination. Although this bruiser has a different running style than Kai, Honolulu should be able to find a way for him to succeed.
02.01 (15): COL — WR Zaphod Beeblebrox (KCC) @Mooty99
Although last season they were less Yeeti and more Sas(ms)quat(n)ch, Delacour's retirement introduces a gaping hole in Colorado's receiving corps. The Yeti take Beeblebrox here to plug up that hole. He may be put into action immediately at WR3, but in a few season, he will no doubt become a starter.
02.02 (16): AUS — DT Charles Chapman (DAL) @Charple
With the selection of Chapman, the Copperheads get rid of their last inactive defensive lineman. The combination of Din, Valorian, and Charple could be a terror, giving Austin a solid, active D-line play for seasons to come. Austin still has a few needs, but this is a terrific start.
02.03 (17): PHI (from NYS) — RB Jarvis Harbinger-Marjin (POR) @DREAMSLOTH
Philadelphia selects the self-proclaimed demon himself, Harbinger-Marjin. This pick makes sense as their two backups are inactive and Lonnie Jackson is entering his second year of regression. Harbinger-Marjin has shown his ability to find the end zone as he hit paydirt 20 times this past season (19 through the ground). The Liberty should be comfortable at the RB position for a while.
02.04 (18): BAL (from NOLA) — LB Bruce Buckley Jr. (BBB) @NicholasTheGreat
For some reason, the Hawks really, really, really, really, really wanted this player. They declined to provide a reason.
02.05 (19): SAR —DE Harley Andrews (LON) @abh89
Taking a cue from Baltimore, Sarasota also chose this player without explanation. At least it fills a need. Oh, well. Hold on, a telegram just came in: "Legally required to pick this player. Otherwise irrelevant." Well, there you have it, folks.
02.06 (20): BER — CB Tae Dawson (NOR) @Gage2
Berlin takes a dip in the Corner pool and drafts Dawson. As Jeeeeroy Lenkins is in the twilight of his career, the Fire Salamanders secure themselves a CB of the future. Dawson already has a good eye for the ball, grabbing 4 INTs in his first year with Norway, but he will probably spend another year there to further his skills.
02.07 (21): SJS — LB Akaki Akayre (POR) @Ulaire
The SaberCats come back in R2 to fill their other need by taking Akayre. If San Jose feels like Akayre needs another year to develop, Cheeks can weather another season of regression. From a stats point of view, though, Akayre probably feels he's ready, as he amassed 6 sacks, 4 INTs, 10 PDs, and 2 FFs in his first year with the Portland.
02.08 (22): NYS (from PHI) — CB Bonzi Buddy (MINN) @zaynzk
Yet again, one of those weird picks where I wasn't passed any notes. Something stinky is going on here.
02.09 (23): YKW — DT Absolute Unit (POR) @Arkz
Do these weird picks come in pairs or what? Am I on Punk'd?
02.10 (24): OCO — DT Joseph Reed (LON) @Reedy0rNot
Finally, we return to some semblance on professionalism. For Orange County's first pick, they went offense, and this time they go defense, picking up Big Joe Reed. He's a nose tackle that can fill a gap in the trenches, and it fills a gap for the Otters as one of their DTs is potentially IA.
02.11 (25): CHI — QB Pete Zuh (NOR) @seal
Here come the Butchers dipping their greedy little fingers in the draft bowl again. With their third pick in the top 25, Chicago finally addresses their QB situation by selecting Zuh. Oles gets a visit from the Regression Fairy this offseason, and the Butchers secure Zuh to be the successor of Oles. Zuh has a shiftier playstyle with a bigger frame and quicker feet to avoid sacks. He won't have the arm of Oles, but from what he's displayed in the DSFL with his legs, we should have fun watching this guy play.
02.12 (26): ARI — OL J.T. Kurbis (KCC) @JoshiePoo
With no dire needs in other positions, Arizona has the luxury to pick up an offensive lineman, and it could very well be the steal of the draft. Getting such a high earner this late again attests to the quality of this class. Sanders, Mangold, and Kurbis will be pillars of the ARI O-line for a long time.
02.13 (27): BAL — WR Octavio Pérez (KCC) @Raven
This is Baltimore's first real pick of the draft and even at this juncture they get to fill a need with a player of high quality. The retirement of Preston Parker has left the Hawks with one receiver, so this selection was easy for them to make. Pérez's height and ability to fight for those 50/50 balls is a great complement to the speedster that is Quick. This pairing could give secondaries fits.
02.14 (28): AUS — CB Raffaele Tommasi (BBB) @enigmatic
Speaking of greedy fingers, watch as Austin sneakily slithers in late in the second round to snag their third pick. Although the Copperheads do not have a TE rostered, they decide to snap up a cornerback instead, as they don't see tight end being an immediate area of need for most teams. After another year in BBB, Tommasi could slot in Austin's secondary as a nickelback.
OK, folks, this concludes our tour! As you can see, this is the type of big-brain stuff that gets taught here. We hope you found the campus pleasant and maybe we'll see you next semester. Grab yourselves a free bag of colored pushpins on your way out!
Disclaimer
The picks I made for this mock draft are based on a combination of the following: positional need, the amount of the player's TPE, and the size of the player's bank account. The picks do not factor in relationships, scouting conversations, positional changes, or free agents.
01.01 (01): COL — S Teemo Swift (MINN) @Repgnar
In a forgettable season in which the Yeti were last in both points and yards allowed, seeing them use their first overall pick to strengthen their defense is not a surprise. With the retirement of SparkySparky Boom-man, Colorado could not be more fortunate to have Swift be right there to fill that vacancy. Swift had zero missed tackles last season, and the Yeti could definitely use someone with this type proficiency in the third level.
01.02 (02): AUS — DT Xavier Valorian (POR) @XaveValor
Austin comes into the draft with many holes to fill. With seemingly every team needing some sort of reinforcement on the defensive line, the Copperheads dart in to nab their snakebro DT Xavier Valorian. Valorian has the skillset to play on the interior and the outside, and this versatility should allow Austin some leeway on how to go about addressing the rest of their needs.
01.03 (03): NYS — DE Jean-Ralphio Saperstein (KCC) @Fordhammer
Despite New York's offense scoring many points, the defense gave up even more. With one of their DEs retiring and two more being inactive, the Silverbacks hope to reinvigorate their defensive line with an injection of Saperstein, the sack leader in the DSFL this past season with a whopping count of 18. Although four players on the offensive side retired, they rightfully pounced on Saperstein because they would've had to wait until R3 for their next "free" pick.
01.04 (04): NOLA — CB Graham Harper (NOR) @PurpleReign
Although New Orleans is on the clock this early in the draft, the team does not have many holes. With some growth on their roster, we could see them climb the standings sooner than later. Currently, their only noteworthy concerns are an aging DE and an inactive nickelback. Since the Second Line have another pick at 13, they can afford to temporarily set aside their need for a DE and snag a top player at a coveted position in Graham Harper. With the current trajectory of Harper's rise, he just may soon take over a starting job.
01.05 (05): CHI (from SAR) — DE JR Frankenstero (DAL) @Punk42AE
Chicago suffered a bit of Ultimus hangover, starting the season with no energy or drive. They managed to claw their way back up to tie for first in their conference, but will not be making the trip to the Ivory Coast this year. With Oles Jr. getting the first taste of regression this offseason, they could look into getting a QB, but with three picks in the first two rounds, they jump on the DE train and grab Frankenstero. Frankenstero could see immediate action if the Butchers decide to replace the inactive Red Arrow Jr.
01.06 (06): BER — LB Kevin McThumper (BBB) @Chucky
To have McThumper fall this far is a testament to the strength and depth of this draft. Last season, McThumper had himself quite a stat line among linebackers, garnering 121 tackles (T-1st), 16 TFLs (T-1st), 2 FFs (T-3rd), 7 sacks (5th), 1 INT (T-5th), and 7 PDs (T-5th). Berlin has a slightly stronger need at CB over LB, but with Harper off the board and their LB corps growing long in the tooth, this becomes an easy pick for them. Depending on how the Fire Salamanders handle the inactive LaDamien Beck, McThumper could also be a day one starter and he has the resume to prove it.
01.07 (07): SJS — DE Aqeel Steele (MINN) @"NonComplicit"
Like NOLA, SJS doesn't have too many holes. They just need their young roster to grow. Taking Steele here strengthens the defensive line, freeing themselves of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (allegedly). The SaberCats also have a need at LB, but with McThumper off the board, they snatch up the final 250+ DE.
01.08 (08): PHI — LB Fred Edison (KCC) @Liter
"If you won't, then we will," says Philadelphia as they select the best LB currently on the board. Liter immediately fills the void caused by the retirement of In Active. This pick solidifies the Liberty's LB corps, and shouldn't have to be addressed for many seasons to come. That is exactly what they need because many other spots on their roster are beginning to age.
01.09 (09): YKW — TE Mister Hogmally (DAL) @iStegosauruz
Yellowknife's defense was stellar throughout the year, but their offense couldn't match that intensity and often sputtered out. They also went through the season without a true tight end. The Wraiths solve both these problems by finally cracking the offensive side of the board and selecting Hogmally. He will give the Wraiths a big target in the middle of the field and allow them to be less reliant on the run game.
01.10 (10): OCO — WR Austin Morley (KCC) @soevil
Another offensive player comes off the board! Orange County gives their QB another weapon in the scrappy Morley. This is a good selection by the Otters, as their passing attack last year was subpar, ranking 11th in the league. If their defense continues to be opportunistic and their passing game takes off with the inclusion of Morley, we could see OCO crack double digits in the W column.
01.11 (11): CHI — CB Suggs Upshar II (POR) @Suggs
CHI is back on the clock and they cover another area of concern by selecting Upshar. The Butchers could have Upshar develop further in the DSFL for a season or two until the regression bat wallops the inactive PickSix into non-existence. Their other starting CB Soulja is also aging, so Upshar is a great insurance policy.
01.12 (12): ARI — LB Ignatius Reilly (LON) @yesboom
The Outlaws lick their wounds as they suffer another unfortunate ouster from the playoffs by running into the Hahalua. Their main needs are DE and LB, and they decide to take Reilly due to the edge in TPE. Another reason is probably because he's the co-leader alongside McThumper in tackles (121). Reilly could stay in London to hone his abilities for another year while Burfict tries to keep the regression monster at bay. Burfict doesn't really have the motor that he used to, so this pick is definitely sound.
01.13 (13): NOLA (from BAL) — DT Nathan Meagher (BBB) @Nathan
NOLA is back to address their other need, the DE. Instead of DE, though, they take Meagher who is too good to pass up. As an All-Purpose DT, Meagher can easily play at the end of the line in a 3-4 scheme. He may not start right away, but he will definitely be a fixture on NOLA's D-line in the coming years.
01.14 (14): HON — RB Sconnie McSix (NOR) @g2019
Honolulu has quite a dilemma. Their RB and S just retired, leaving them with two big vacancies. As the Hahalua do not have another pick until R4, they have to make this one count. They ultimately go with McSix, which is not a wrong choice by any stretch of the imagination. Although this bruiser has a different running style than Kai, Honolulu should be able to find a way for him to succeed.
02.01 (15): COL — WR Zaphod Beeblebrox (KCC) @Mooty99
Although last season they were less Yeeti and more Sas(ms)quat(n)ch, Delacour's retirement introduces a gaping hole in Colorado's receiving corps. The Yeti take Beeblebrox here to plug up that hole. He may be put into action immediately at WR3, but in a few season, he will no doubt become a starter.
02.02 (16): AUS — DT Charles Chapman (DAL) @Charple
With the selection of Chapman, the Copperheads get rid of their last inactive defensive lineman. The combination of Din, Valorian, and Charple could be a terror, giving Austin a solid, active D-line play for seasons to come. Austin still has a few needs, but this is a terrific start.
02.03 (17): PHI (from NYS) — RB Jarvis Harbinger-Marjin (POR) @DREAMSLOTH
Philadelphia selects the self-proclaimed demon himself, Harbinger-Marjin. This pick makes sense as their two backups are inactive and Lonnie Jackson is entering his second year of regression. Harbinger-Marjin has shown his ability to find the end zone as he hit paydirt 20 times this past season (19 through the ground). The Liberty should be comfortable at the RB position for a while.
02.04 (18): BAL (from NOLA) — LB Bruce Buckley Jr. (BBB) @NicholasTheGreat
For some reason, the Hawks really, really, really, really, really wanted this player. They declined to provide a reason.
02.05 (19): SAR —DE Harley Andrews (LON) @abh89
Taking a cue from Baltimore, Sarasota also chose this player without explanation. At least it fills a need. Oh, well. Hold on, a telegram just came in: "Legally required to pick this player. Otherwise irrelevant." Well, there you have it, folks.
02.06 (20): BER — CB Tae Dawson (NOR) @Gage2
Berlin takes a dip in the Corner pool and drafts Dawson. As Jeeeeroy Lenkins is in the twilight of his career, the Fire Salamanders secure themselves a CB of the future. Dawson already has a good eye for the ball, grabbing 4 INTs in his first year with Norway, but he will probably spend another year there to further his skills.
02.07 (21): SJS — LB Akaki Akayre (POR) @Ulaire
The SaberCats come back in R2 to fill their other need by taking Akayre. If San Jose feels like Akayre needs another year to develop, Cheeks can weather another season of regression. From a stats point of view, though, Akayre probably feels he's ready, as he amassed 6 sacks, 4 INTs, 10 PDs, and 2 FFs in his first year with the Portland.
02.08 (22): NYS (from PHI) — CB Bonzi Buddy (MINN) @zaynzk
Yet again, one of those weird picks where I wasn't passed any notes. Something stinky is going on here.
02.09 (23): YKW — DT Absolute Unit (POR) @Arkz
Do these weird picks come in pairs or what? Am I on Punk'd?
02.10 (24): OCO — DT Joseph Reed (LON) @Reedy0rNot
Finally, we return to some semblance on professionalism. For Orange County's first pick, they went offense, and this time they go defense, picking up Big Joe Reed. He's a nose tackle that can fill a gap in the trenches, and it fills a gap for the Otters as one of their DTs is potentially IA.
02.11 (25): CHI — QB Pete Zuh (NOR) @seal
Here come the Butchers dipping their greedy little fingers in the draft bowl again. With their third pick in the top 25, Chicago finally addresses their QB situation by selecting Zuh. Oles gets a visit from the Regression Fairy this offseason, and the Butchers secure Zuh to be the successor of Oles. Zuh has a shiftier playstyle with a bigger frame and quicker feet to avoid sacks. He won't have the arm of Oles, but from what he's displayed in the DSFL with his legs, we should have fun watching this guy play.
02.12 (26): ARI — OL J.T. Kurbis (KCC) @JoshiePoo
With no dire needs in other positions, Arizona has the luxury to pick up an offensive lineman, and it could very well be the steal of the draft. Getting such a high earner this late again attests to the quality of this class. Sanders, Mangold, and Kurbis will be pillars of the ARI O-line for a long time.
02.13 (27): BAL — WR Octavio Pérez (KCC) @Raven
This is Baltimore's first real pick of the draft and even at this juncture they get to fill a need with a player of high quality. The retirement of Preston Parker has left the Hawks with one receiver, so this selection was easy for them to make. Pérez's height and ability to fight for those 50/50 balls is a great complement to the speedster that is Quick. This pairing could give secondaries fits.
02.14 (28): AUS — CB Raffaele Tommasi (BBB) @enigmatic
Speaking of greedy fingers, watch as Austin sneakily slithers in late in the second round to snag their third pick. Although the Copperheads do not have a TE rostered, they decide to snap up a cornerback instead, as they don't see tight end being an immediate area of need for most teams. After another year in BBB, Tommasi could slot in Austin's secondary as a nickelback.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
OK, folks, this concludes our tour! As you can see, this is the type of big-brain stuff that gets taught here. We hope you found the campus pleasant and maybe we'll see you next semester. Grab yourselves a free bag of colored pushpins on your way out!