4.
You want to talk about sim luck? Okay, let's talk about that. Have you heard thr tale of the S36 Butchers? It is not one that any Chicagoan would tell you.
Quick look at their season stats to set the picture of the truly disastrous conference championship. Coming into the playoffs, the Butchers had secured a first round bye with a 13-3 record. They were ranked #2 in point per game and #1 in yards. Led by their Running back Zohri, the Butchers would pound the dirt while putting on truly cominant defensive performances ranking #1 in yards allowed. They would hit you hard on defensive and then Zohri and Co. Would carve you up offensively. It was a dream combination during the regular season, they looked unstoppable. The Butcher locker room was incredibly hopeful and pundits across the league were seeing a Chicago Ultimus parade being planned.
But the sim had other plans.
Fast forward to the NSFC conference championship game against the red-hot Sarasota Sailfish. Every knew the Butchers had struggled in their last match against the Fish but that was behind them and only the Ultimus lay ahead. The two teams lined up, Depth Charts submitted, players full updated, ready to do battle. And then put their faith in the sim.
Trouble for the Butchers started nearly immediately. The first drive culminated in 3 yards after a short Zohri run and a broken up pass. The resulting punt was short, only 34 yards which set the Sailfish up nicely at their own 35. Sarasota began their March down the field, picking up first downs with ease until they nearly reached the end zone where the Butcher defense woke up. A good stop and a Hall sack later, the Fish settled for a field goal and took an early lead.
The next three possessions between then two adversaries all ended the same way: great defensive stops followed by tepid punts. But wait! Chicago found an opportunity off a Ronson sack resulting in a safety! 2 points and the ball back?! The locker room erupted in praise and excitement as expectations started to become reality.
Now, real quick, what if I told you that those 2 points would be the only ones the Butchers would earn? They had the #1 yard earning offense, surely more points would come right? If only that were the case...
Before ending the first half, the Sarasota offense found a groove which, while unorthodox, generated points (a feat not matched by the Butchers) through field goals, earning 12 total points with 4 attempts. Before the game would end, Sarasota would complete 4 field goals and a single touchdown, testament to the Butcher defense for sure, to end with 22 points. The Butchers would never find the endzone, instead being on the bad end of 2 interceptions and a lost fumble. Nearly all these turnovers came in the red zone, a terrible fate for any team, let alone an Ultimus favorite.
The locker room became quiet as disappointment and despair took over. Had that really happened? Had we managed to score the literal least amount of points while having technically scored? 2. That was the final number to the S36 Butcher season. 2.
This game will live in infamy as. Ow it added yet another square to the Scorigami board but also as a monument to the apathy of the sim. The sim does not care who you are or what strength you think you have. It does not care what your record is or how you have done in the past. The sim cares about only one thing: the game at hand and the mystifying numbers that drive it.
Do not place your trust in the sim for as you may care for it, it does not care for you.
(625 words)
You want to talk about sim luck? Okay, let's talk about that. Have you heard thr tale of the S36 Butchers? It is not one that any Chicagoan would tell you.
Quick look at their season stats to set the picture of the truly disastrous conference championship. Coming into the playoffs, the Butchers had secured a first round bye with a 13-3 record. They were ranked #2 in point per game and #1 in yards. Led by their Running back Zohri, the Butchers would pound the dirt while putting on truly cominant defensive performances ranking #1 in yards allowed. They would hit you hard on defensive and then Zohri and Co. Would carve you up offensively. It was a dream combination during the regular season, they looked unstoppable. The Butcher locker room was incredibly hopeful and pundits across the league were seeing a Chicago Ultimus parade being planned.
But the sim had other plans.
Fast forward to the NSFC conference championship game against the red-hot Sarasota Sailfish. Every knew the Butchers had struggled in their last match against the Fish but that was behind them and only the Ultimus lay ahead. The two teams lined up, Depth Charts submitted, players full updated, ready to do battle. And then put their faith in the sim.
Trouble for the Butchers started nearly immediately. The first drive culminated in 3 yards after a short Zohri run and a broken up pass. The resulting punt was short, only 34 yards which set the Sailfish up nicely at their own 35. Sarasota began their March down the field, picking up first downs with ease until they nearly reached the end zone where the Butcher defense woke up. A good stop and a Hall sack later, the Fish settled for a field goal and took an early lead.
The next three possessions between then two adversaries all ended the same way: great defensive stops followed by tepid punts. But wait! Chicago found an opportunity off a Ronson sack resulting in a safety! 2 points and the ball back?! The locker room erupted in praise and excitement as expectations started to become reality.
Now, real quick, what if I told you that those 2 points would be the only ones the Butchers would earn? They had the #1 yard earning offense, surely more points would come right? If only that were the case...
Before ending the first half, the Sarasota offense found a groove which, while unorthodox, generated points (a feat not matched by the Butchers) through field goals, earning 12 total points with 4 attempts. Before the game would end, Sarasota would complete 4 field goals and a single touchdown, testament to the Butcher defense for sure, to end with 22 points. The Butchers would never find the endzone, instead being on the bad end of 2 interceptions and a lost fumble. Nearly all these turnovers came in the red zone, a terrible fate for any team, let alone an Ultimus favorite.
The locker room became quiet as disappointment and despair took over. Had that really happened? Had we managed to score the literal least amount of points while having technically scored? 2. That was the final number to the S36 Butcher season. 2.
This game will live in infamy as. Ow it added yet another square to the Scorigami board but also as a monument to the apathy of the sim. The sim does not care who you are or what strength you think you have. It does not care what your record is or how you have done in the past. The sim cares about only one thing: the game at hand and the mystifying numbers that drive it.
Do not place your trust in the sim for as you may care for it, it does not care for you.
(625 words)