*The Concrete Jungle: Offseason Stadium Renovations

[wizard_literal]

The New York Silverbacks est. 2040 have hosted home games in their home stadium “The Concrete Jungle” since their inauguration. Excluding playoff appearances that accounts for an astounding 136 regular season home games in 17 seasons.  The Silverbacks home fans, also known as the Terrible Troop, haven't done the stadium much favor with their monkey behavior and mischievous antics, the stadium has seen quite some wear and tear during its tenure(Fun tidbit, when gorillas are in a group, they are often referred to as a troop). Not to mention that in recent years Silverback players have complained of issues with the field conditions resulting from use of artificial turf in a cold-weather environment. After a year of extensive talks with Team Managers @Repgnar & @zaynzk, The Concrete Jungle will finally be receiving some much needed renovations this offseason in preparation for 2057. We’re bringing the Seven Wonders of the monkey world to The Concrete Jungle for all attendees to enjoy!


7. A statue of New York legend Michaelangelo McTurtle @slothfacekilla measuring 27 feet high and weighing 1600 pounds will be mounted to the scoreboard. We apologize that while the measurements of this statue are far far below that of McTurtle's actual height(33ft) and weight(1850lbs), we hope the symbol of Michaelangelo serves as a beacon of steadfast courage for all current and future Silverbacks.

6. The entrance to the stadium will be remodeled into a 367,000 square foot atrium with an extravagant array of lush vegetation, fresh fruit tree vendors(bananas sold at $20 msrp), and free range Squirrel Monkeys.  Not to mention a full on petting zoo experience organized by the pet channel guru himself @wizard_literal.  A perfect family bonding experience, take your kids to the game to watch the first half, and tour them around the petting zoo in the 4th quarter to avoid watching any sort of heartbreaking last minute loss!

5. A 275 foot media mesh video screen with live action replays will be mounted to the side of the stadium facing the New Jersey Turnpike, allowing passerbyers a live look at the on the field action!  But that’s not all! Jumbotron graphics expert @Jumbohas teamed up with team DJ @Void_DCXI to PUMP THE BEATS with a series of halftime shows during New York’s home games this season. We want to get you the fan more engaged! We’ve noticed a lack of fan enthusiasm and crowd noise in the second half of games this year.  Instead of artificially pumping crowd noise into the stadium like certain other teams, we’re looking to generate an authentic atmosphere that has fans bumping from the first 1st Down all the way to the last Goalline stand.

4. A Retractable Roof modeled & engineered to resemble a Jungle Canopy composed of 9 huge ETFE-clad industrial grade weather resistant panels will be affiliated to the roof of the stadium allowing for a weather controlled environment. No more cold and windy December games for this monkey crew! State of the art weather controlled technology will allow us to keep the stadium at a perfect 72 degrees Fahrenheit. We’re hoping this helps alleviate any issues players have had with the field conditions.

3. We’re hiring world class chef @Mojojojo to bring a 3-star Michelin restaurant experience open to the general public. Offering a cuisine featuring items such as: Chili Relleno and Enchiladas Suizas, Udon with Black Bean Sauce, Maghmour, Shakshuka Baked Eggs, Panang Curry,  Mongolian Beef Dumpling (Bansh) and Vegetable Soup, and many more items with weekly specials cooked up by Mojo herself!

2. Poolside Banana Cabanas will be retrofitted to the end of each endzone kept at a relaxing 86 degrees Fahrenheit where you can enjoy & experience a variety of topical(read tropical) adult beverages. From Frozen Banana Daiquiris to Rumchata Banana Cream Cocktails the Banana Cabanas will have it all. Who knows you might even see a special post game appearance from New York Linebacker Bay Webb @TheHammer43!

1. Finally we want to up our Silverback Public Relations to give you a behind the scenes look and exclusive interviews with team staff and players. Media experts @Baron1898 & @Rusfan will pair as a dangerous duo to bring you live on & off the field coverage with game by game highlights. Ever wanted to know rookie Wide Receiver phenom Sean Robinson's @18situaseans practice routine? How about finding out the secret to how Runningback Michaelangelo McTurtle is able to consume five large pizzas before every game? Perhaps you're interested what hair products Quarterback Blaine Falco @Tayjay uses? These answers and more will be revealed in the coming season!

[shrub02]

2. Poolside Banana Cabanas will be retrofitted to the end of each endzone kept at a relaxing 86 degrees fahrenheit where you can enjoy & experience a variety of topical(read tropical) adult beverages. From Frozen Banana Daiquiris to Rumchata Banana Cream Cocktails the Banana Cabanas will have it all.

I assume that a banana hammock satisfies the dress code? Asking for a friend

[wizard_literal]

2. Poolside Banana Cabanas will be retrofitted to the end of each endzone kept at a relaxing 86 degrees fahrenheit where you can enjoy & experience a variety of topical(read tropical) adult beverages. From Frozen Banana Daiquiris to Rumchata Banana Cream Cocktails the Banana Cabanas will have it all.

I assume that a banana hammock satisfies the dress code? Asking for a friend

[zaynzk]

2. Poolside Banana Cabanas will be retrofitted to the end of each endzone kept at a relaxing 86 degrees fahrenheit where you can enjoy & experience a variety of topical(read tropical) adult beverages. From Frozen Banana Daiquiris to Rumchata Banana Cream Cocktails the Banana Cabanas will have it all.

I assume that a banana hammock satisfies the dress code? Asking for a friend

You gotta hammock up.

[Repgnar]

Goated

[18situaseans]

Guess I need to start sharing my practice routine so all these other rookie WRs can get on my level smh

[swoosh]

A missed opportunity to add silverback-shaped chicken nuggets to the menu, but otherwise nice additions.

[TheHammer43]

You definitely will see post-game appearances from me. Hammer loves the camera

[Jumbo]

Those halftime shows gonna be EPIC

[Tayjay]

You can also have hair like this