03-11-2020, 02:58 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-15-2020, 06:49 PM by Memento Mori.)
Memento Mori Wrote:This is the second piece about Bobby Montgomery, his first interview of a DSFL player. Bobby is a very British reporter who works for The Daily Scone and has been assigned to cover the NSFL/DSFL. You can read the first part here if you like. And click StamkosFan's profile to read his very entertaining media. For graders: 1138 words, please split the pay 50/50 between myself and @StamkosFan
Bobby was struggling to adjust to life in the United States. The cars drove on the wrong side of the road, no one seemed to know what bangers and mash was, and he was afraid he might be shot at any moment.
Bobby was arguing with the hotel concierge about whether or not the word “color” had a ‘u’ in it when his phone rang. Mr Chesterfield-Pemberton, Bobby’s editor at The Daily Scone, greeted him in his loud, familiar tone: “Bobby, old sport! I’ve splendid news!”
“Hello, Mr Chesterfield-Pemberton” Bobby replied in typically polite fashion. “I do hope you’re settling in well,” the editor continued, “I’ve your first assignment on my desk in front of me. You’re to go to Tijuana to interview a Luchadores player. A wide receiver by the name of Thomas Passmann”.
“Perfect! Which tube line is Tijuana on? I’m still learning my way around”. Mr Chesterfield-Pemberton sighed. “Tijuana is in Mexico, Bobby. I’ve booked you a flight”
---
Bobby entered a café in Tijuana. As he walks through the door, he notices that the right-hand side of the café is very busy, whereas the left-hand side is almost completely empty. A man in long, dark robes is the only one sat in that part of the café.
Bobby orders a cup of tea in Spanish - the only Spanish phrase he knows - and sits down across from the man. “Hi Thomas,” he begins, “Sorry I’m late. I didn’t realise Mexico was a different country and so I didn’t bring my passport to the airport”. The robed man said nothing, and stared blankly back at Bobby. Or, Bobby assumed he did. His hood covered most of his face and made his facial expression almost impossible to read. After an uncomfortably long silence, Bobby asks if it would be okay for them to begin the interview and takes the man’s continued silence as a ‘yes’.
"Hi Thomas, thanks for sitting down with me today. I'm still very new to your version of football so I'd like to ask: what exactly is this "touchdown" thing I keep hearing about?"
Thankfully, Thomas Passmann spoke this time. “It’s where you kill the defense to get to the end zone. You can absorb their soul as you pass them with the ball, and you get six points when you make it to the end zone, which means you can break the opposing coach’s skull at six points. Very exciting, you can learn a lot about human frailty...or anatomy as they call it. Such a violent sport, I’m glad there’s no penalties for murder.”
“I see. That really does sound violent. I have to say your description of American football is rather different to the ones I read online. Is that your own personal take on the sport?” Bobby asked, innocently.
Passmann was dismissive. “Look, the internet is not a credible source of information. Then again, neither am I. My point is that I play football the way it should be played and I understand it very well. It’s not my personal take, I am objectively right. I just am. Why else would a hundred billion people watch a Super Bowl? If people want to make the sport softer, they need to go work for Gary Bettman in the NHL.”
Bobby doubted that a hundred billion people really did watch the most recent Super Bowl, but given that he’d just implied he had killed people Bobby thought it best not to say so. "I read the transcript from one of your previous interviews. Are you really a Satan worshipper? Should fans and the public at large be worried?"
“I wouldn’t call it worship, it would be more like we are besties. What’s worse about Satan than any other evil deity? I don’t think fans should be worried, more people will die of natural causes than from being the sacrifice in one of my blood rituals. Fans don’t have to worry unless they’re not nice to me, then they’re gonna get it...kidding, totally joking! Why are all of you so serious?”
Bobby’s natural journalistic instinct implored him to ask about these blood rituals, but every other fibre in his body screamed not to. He changed the subject.
"There's been reports about your fashion choices and some of your actions distressing children. Would you like to take this opportunity to reassure parents who are unsure about taking their child to a Luchadores game?"
“What, is the fashion police running the NSFL now? Kids shouldn’t be so sheltered. Parents, I promise you I won’t attack your kid, the adult body has more blood to drink. I’m really not interested in them as a meal, I don’t do appetizers. The Luchadores are as kid friendly as it gets, get over yourselves!”
Bobby was rather alarmed by this, but remained composed. At least on the outside. “I'm sure the Tijuana Luchadores would be concerned about the possibility of any fan being a player's meal. Would you be willing to promise not to harm any Tijuana fan, adult or child?”
“We’re all gonna die one day, it’s no big deal. Odds are it won’t be you. You could get in a car crash on the way to the stadium, there’s risks with everything. People love risks, that’s why casinos are so popular. I’m not promising anything, but the odds are a lot better here than Vegas. I doubt it’ll have any influence on Tijuana’s following, especially since I’ll pick off opposing fans first. I would only go for a Luchadores fan if I had no other options. You don’t understand what the Bloodlust is like.”
Asking out of interest for his own personal safety as much as for the interview, Bobby asked him: “Are there many people like you in this part of the world? I love a scone with jam and cream in the afternoon as much as anyone, but I don’t believe I’ve ever found myself craving human blood”.
Hauntingly, a smile crept across Passmann’s lips. “You’ll never know, most of them hide in the shadows. I’m not ashamed of what I am. You have restricted yourself beneath this illusion of civility, but if you removed the mental block to it you would feel the hunger. It is in your nature, human. There is a part of you that is just like me. I am just more...evolved.”
Afraid to meet Passmann’s gaze, Bobby looked down at the table in front of them and noticed what looked like dried blood under the man’s long, sharp fingernails. Bobby had no desire to spend any longer with this individual. “W-well, it’s been a pleasure, Mr Passmann” he spluttered, standing up from his chair, “But I really must go. Thank you very much for the interview!”.
What a strange country America was. Bobby couldn’t wait to go home.
[OPTION]S24 (PHI): 16 GP, 73 tackles, 1 TFL, 2 FF, 3 sacks, 5 INTs, 10 PDs, 2 TDs
[OPTION]S25 (PHI): 16 GP, 67 tackles, 4 INTs, 13 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S26 (OCO): 16 GP, 68 tackles, 1 TFL, 1 sack, 2 INTs, 10 PDs
[OPTION]S27 (OCO): 16 GP, 116 tackles, 4 INTs, 23 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S28 (OCO): 16 GP, 84 tackles, 1 FF, 1 FR, 3 INTs, 20 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S29 (OCO): 16 GP, 99 tackles, 3 FF, 1 FR, 5 INTs, 23 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]=============================================================
[OPTION]ISFL Playoff Stats:
[OPTION]S23 (PHI): 1 GP, 2 tackles
[OPTION]S26 (OCO): 1 GP, 5 tackles, 2 PDs
[OPTION]=============================================================
[OPTION]Trophies and Achievements:
[OPTION]Drafted 35th Overall by Myrtle Beach in the S21 DSFL Draft
[OPTION]S21 Ultimini Champion
[OPTION]S21 DSFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S21 DSFL Defensive Back of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]Drafted 4th Overall by Philadelphia in the S22 ISFL Draft
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Defensive Performance of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S24 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S24 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S25 (PHI): 16 GP, 67 tackles, 4 INTs, 13 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S26 (OCO): 16 GP, 68 tackles, 1 TFL, 1 sack, 2 INTs, 10 PDs
[OPTION]S27 (OCO): 16 GP, 116 tackles, 4 INTs, 23 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S28 (OCO): 16 GP, 84 tackles, 1 FF, 1 FR, 3 INTs, 20 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S29 (OCO): 16 GP, 99 tackles, 3 FF, 1 FR, 5 INTs, 23 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]=============================================================
[OPTION]ISFL Playoff Stats:
[OPTION]S23 (PHI): 1 GP, 2 tackles
[OPTION]S26 (OCO): 1 GP, 5 tackles, 2 PDs
[OPTION]=============================================================
[OPTION]Trophies and Achievements:
[OPTION]Drafted 35th Overall by Myrtle Beach in the S21 DSFL Draft
[OPTION]S21 Ultimini Champion
[OPTION]S21 DSFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S21 DSFL Defensive Back of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]Drafted 4th Overall by Philadelphia in the S22 ISFL Draft
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Defensive Performance of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S24 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S24 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S26 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S26 ISFL Returner of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S29 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S29 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]=============================================================
Player | Update | Wiki | Twitter
[OPTION]S26 ISFL Returner of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S29 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S29 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]=============================================================
Player | Update | Wiki | Twitter