30. PBE Affiliate[url=https://probaseballexperience.jcink.net/index.php?showtopic=27231&view=findpost&p=487825][/url]
17. The Sarasota Sailfish are getting a new home! Chunk Light Tuna Stadium will be the nomer of the 4.5 BILLION dollar super arena. It’s more like a theme park than a football stadium. Of course, at the center of the 250 Acre facility is an ACTUAL football stadium. Hosting a mere 25,000 seats, each seat is a La-Z-Boy recliner with built-in cupholder, massager, and heater. For hot days, neck fans are available upon request. The Sailfish did not oppose only 25,000 seats, due to the state-of-the-art first-time-ever ground level concourse! That’s right, the ground level seats will all be standing! So the stadium will be packed with a loud and rowdy most pit on the lowest level, with acoustics designed to amplify the sound of the mob throughout the playing field. So rich people get your asses in the recliners up high and let the average joes scream their hearts out every Sunday.
8. Congratulations to Mistah Freddy of the Sarasota Sailfish for winning the CTE Chess Championship this offseason! This unimpressive undertaking pairs athletes from sports that accrue significant head damage against each other in the most beautiful, mind-bending game ever existed. The 4 round tournament was held in Madrid, alongside the Candidates tournament (an actual chess tournament that actually matters). In round 1, Freddy was paired against teammate and fellow ISFL-er Don’t Draft. Freddy was able to crush Draft with a beautiful King’s Indian on the black side after Draft blundered his Queen on move 8. Round 2 saw Freddy paired against Rugby Player Donald Arronson from New Zealand. The two were locked in an epic Ruy Lopez battle, until finally Freddy broke through with a bishop sacrifice on H3 and finished of Arronson with a forced mating combination. The semifinals featured Freddy vs. UFC fighter Javier Lopez of Cuba. Channeling the best of Capablanca, Lopez had Freddy on the ropes when reaching time control, but one wrong move allowed Freddy to equal and then grab an extra pawn, which the looming Defensive Tackle took to victory in the end-game. After all the drama of the semifinals, the audience was geared up for a majestic finale between Freddy and boxer Fyson Trury of the UK, but Trury’s CTE must’ve got the best of him as Freddy pulled a simple 4-move checkmate to hoist the coveted (amongst these people) not-so-braindead trophy. When asked what he would do with his winnings (10,000 dollars to charity of their choosing), Freddy announced he would donate to the chess club of Scranton, PA, where he grew up. “If it wasn’t for chess, I wouldn’t be in the ISFL,” said Freddy after his victory. “It’s a beautiful game that every child should have a chance to learn and play.”
17. The Sarasota Sailfish are getting a new home! Chunk Light Tuna Stadium will be the nomer of the 4.5 BILLION dollar super arena. It’s more like a theme park than a football stadium. Of course, at the center of the 250 Acre facility is an ACTUAL football stadium. Hosting a mere 25,000 seats, each seat is a La-Z-Boy recliner with built-in cupholder, massager, and heater. For hot days, neck fans are available upon request. The Sailfish did not oppose only 25,000 seats, due to the state-of-the-art first-time-ever ground level concourse! That’s right, the ground level seats will all be standing! So the stadium will be packed with a loud and rowdy most pit on the lowest level, with acoustics designed to amplify the sound of the mob throughout the playing field. So rich people get your asses in the recliners up high and let the average joes scream their hearts out every Sunday.
Code:
156 words
8. Congratulations to Mistah Freddy of the Sarasota Sailfish for winning the CTE Chess Championship this offseason! This unimpressive undertaking pairs athletes from sports that accrue significant head damage against each other in the most beautiful, mind-bending game ever existed. The 4 round tournament was held in Madrid, alongside the Candidates tournament (an actual chess tournament that actually matters). In round 1, Freddy was paired against teammate and fellow ISFL-er Don’t Draft. Freddy was able to crush Draft with a beautiful King’s Indian on the black side after Draft blundered his Queen on move 8. Round 2 saw Freddy paired against Rugby Player Donald Arronson from New Zealand. The two were locked in an epic Ruy Lopez battle, until finally Freddy broke through with a bishop sacrifice on H3 and finished of Arronson with a forced mating combination. The semifinals featured Freddy vs. UFC fighter Javier Lopez of Cuba. Channeling the best of Capablanca, Lopez had Freddy on the ropes when reaching time control, but one wrong move allowed Freddy to equal and then grab an extra pawn, which the looming Defensive Tackle took to victory in the end-game. After all the drama of the semifinals, the audience was geared up for a majestic finale between Freddy and boxer Fyson Trury of the UK, but Trury’s CTE must’ve got the best of him as Freddy pulled a simple 4-move checkmate to hoist the coveted (amongst these people) not-so-braindead trophy. When asked what he would do with his winnings (10,000 dollars to charity of their choosing), Freddy announced he would donate to the chess club of Scranton, PA, where he grew up. “If it wasn’t for chess, I wouldn’t be in the ISFL,” said Freddy after his victory. “It’s a beautiful game that every child should have a chance to learn and play.”
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302 words