03-05-2023, 01:17 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-12-2023, 10:30 AM by Aneeqs. Edited 2 times in total.)
Having just completed the S40 ISFL Draftee Renaming - Fantasy Name Generator Edition, I didn’t want to let the amazing S40 DSFL class feel left out. So I started this companion article, which is going to go back to the draft renaming media roots and bring back the Social Media Name Generator Edition.
When I first did this in S26, I started by assigning each of the 8 DSFL teams to one of four categories for names for which you often see name generator games posted on social media feeds. The first time around, the four categories were: hobbits, strippers, pirates, or rappers. However, this time around since we just completed the Fantasy Name Generator Edition for the ISFL, I’m going to replace the hobbits category with a new group: superheroes. So, with that we begin the process.
I start by assigning the DSFL teams to one of: superheroes, strippers, pirates, or rappers based on completely subjective word associations. Because I changed the categories and because the associations I have with DSFL teams have changed as rosters rotate and locker rooms evolve, I re-associate the teams with the groups. Next, player first and last name (or last initial) are input into the online name generator corresponding to their team’s assigned category:
I present the results first by team and then in draft order. Hopefully it’s a fun way for the new draftees to connect with their new teammates and enjoy themselves as a draft class.
Renaming Results by Team
Bondi Beach Buccaneers
As pirates – because… they are already pirates
Round 1, Pick 1. Mary Marie (S) – Barnacle Breath Joan
Round 2, Pick 9. Oliver Tolliver (WR) – Cap'n Laird Jailbait
Round 3, Pick 17. Rolud Onyxgut (DE) – Filthy Dan Dawkins
Round 4, Pick 28. DJ Maclean (LB) – Pirate Diego the Pink
Round 5, Pick 33. Bob Kickerson (KP) – Eel Breath Hank
Round 6, Pick 41. Ivan Baldwin (CB) – Cap'n Dick Seaturd
Round 7, Pick 49. Scruffy The Janitor (DT) – Scruffy Bloodgut
Round 8, Pick 57. Burnt Toast (TE) – Smarmy Javier Cooke
Round 9, Pick 65. Amanda HugAndKiss (S) – Pirate Xena the Cash-Strapped
Round 10, Pick 73. Bart Biggs (OL) – Decayin' Bart Smithe
Round 11, Pick 81. Quarl Walkins III (RB) – Scurvy Butt Vinny
Round 12, Pick 89. Tyrone Petrovich Jr. (LB) – Black Death Ty
Round 13, Pick 97. Jimmy Anderson (WR) – Pirate Jimmy the Bitter
Round 14, Pick 105. Pena Nieto (TE) – Cap'n Wade Bluebeard
Round 15, Pick 113. Hunter Renphrow (RB) – Pirate Hunter the Black
Dallas Birddogs
As strippers – because Texas (especially Dallas) reminds me of road trips, truck stops, dive bars off the highway, and strip clubs; in these classy joints, you can probably bring your dog in with you
Round 1, Pick 5. Craig Brand (TE) – Foxy Dream
Round 2, Pick 13. Chris Mahlstedt (DE) – Misty Meadow
Round 3, Pick 21. Justin Willis (OL) – Passion Jugs
Round 4, Pick 29. Dr. Livesey (WR) – Sweet Cheeks
Round 5, Pick 37. Aleksander Reznikov (LB) – Amber Shimmer Whip
Round 7, Pick 53. Pierce Hawthorne (TE) – Pierce Pony
Round 8, Pick 61. Wolfie McDummy Jr. (WR) – Infinite Leather
Round 9, Pick 69. The Riddler (WR) – Angel Star
Round 10, Pick 77. Sid The Sloth (RB) – Missy Royale
Round 11, Pick 85. Jeremy Hurst (TE) – Mercedes Kiss
Round 12, Pick 93. Hans DiCaprio (DE) – Lacy Dazzle
Round 13, Pick 101. Great Kahli (OL) – Goldy Cabaret
Round 14, Pick 109. Freddie Fran (RB) – Sugar Bubbles
Kansas City Coyotes
As superheroes – as the most recent franchise to take home the Ultimini, it’s only fitting to make them superheroes
Round 1, Pick 8. Jason Steele (DT) – Cast Iron Steele
Round 2, Pick 16. Ray Baker (KP) – Manta Ray Baker
Round 3, Pick 24. Icepick O'Hullihan (S) – Impenetrable Icepick O'Hullihan
Round 4, Pick 32. Bubba Chubb (OL) – Bulletproof Bubba Chubb
Round 5, Pick 40. Offe Panic (DT) – Captain Panic
Round 6, Pick 45. William Barkley (TE) – The Rooster WIlliam Barkley
Round 6, Pick 48. Rodney Rosadino (DE) – Mr. Miraculous Rosadino
Round 7, Pick 56. Eilliot Berry (RB) – Berry Hurricane
Round 8, Pick 64. Wade Right - (KP) – Wade Righteous
Round 9, Pick 72. Banjo O'Kudah (DE) – Banjo Bonfire
Round 10, Pick 80. Donny Doofenshmirtz (TE) – Jackhammer Donny
Round 11, Pick 88. Jake Jefferson (QB) – MechaMan Jefferson
Round 12, Pick 96. Saul Elkton (WR) – Shadowman Saul
Round 13, Pick 104. Doggi O'Farraday (RB) – Bullseye O’Farraday
Round 14, Pick 112. Coke Zero (WR) – Zero Tradewind
London Royals
As Rappers – co-GM Alikh is known throughout the league for his rap videos
Round 1, Pick 3. Loose Cannon (LB) – Funky C Styles
Round 2, Pick 11. Diego Lopez Alonso (WR) – Diego Dubz
Round 3, Pick 19. Nick Williams (TE) – Thug Speedy Nick
Round 4, Pick 27. Max Honestly (TE) – Skinny Pac Max
Round 5, Pick 35. Brian Vincent-Vega (S) – Grand B Vincent-Vega
Round 6, Pick 43. Beeg Beeg Yoshi, Jr. (OL) – Yo$hi
Round 7, Pick 51. Bradley Welch Jr. (CB) – Young Brad
Round 8, Pick 59. Luca Rossi (DT) – Luca Havoc
Round 9, Pick 67. Mickey Mouse (OL) – Slim Rough Mickey
Round 10, Pick 75. Cheeky Lad (OL) – Killah C
Round 11, Pick 83. Wandamian Weatherspoons III (LB) – Maniacal Wandamian Pockets
Round 12, Pick 91. Mathieu Savard (OL) – Furious Mathieu S
Round 13, Pick 99. Billy Snow (DE) – Ice BS a.k.a. Slim Force
Round 14, Pick 107. TJ Thom (DE) – Tenacious TJ T
Round 15, Pick 115. Grungus Burgermeister (WR) – Grun Gus a.k.a. Mobster Loaf
Minnesota Grey Ducks
As pirates – in full honesty, this is the association that is the most of a stretch, but I wanted to make sure that I had an even distribution of teams across categories. So what I’ve got for you is that duck duck grey duck is a children’s game and children also like to dress up as pirates. That’s it.
Round 1, Pick 6. Artemis Entreri (WR) – Cap'n Artemis Sharkbait
Round 2, Pick 14. Billy Jor-El (DT) – Pirate William the Disgruntled
Round 3, Pick 22. Bill Cravy (CB) – Cap'n Cravy Bloodcake
Round 4, Pick 30. Bigton Hammer (LB) – Mast Hugger Hammer
Round 5, Pick 38. Modest Mussorgsky (OL) – Smarmy Mussorgsky
Round 6, Pick 46. Kenny Szymborski (TE) – Seal Breath Borski
Round 7, Pick 54. Liath Squirrel (LB) – Pirate Liath the Rum-Swiller
Round 8, Pick 62. Faust Leercor (DE) – Cap'n Dick Leadhead
Round 9, Pick 70. Honey Badger (WR) – Scurvy-Gums Badger
Round 10, Pick 78. Frederick Carlson (DE) – Slouchin' Hugo Carlson
Round 11, Pick 86. Albert Einstein (LB) – Pirate Bert the Sword Test Dummy
Round 12, Pick 94. Estuar Bromson (TE) – Pirate Macon the Fashionably Late
Round 13, Pick 102. Rick Skull (RB) – Skull and Bones Ricky
Round 14, Pick 110. Gavin Hoppe (RB) – Fish Breath Gav
Norfolk Seawolves
As rappers – the upstart co-GM LordCoolcats has challenged Alikh for his rapper title and the league waits with bated breath for the next round of this rap battle
Round 1, Pick 7. Rico Savage (S) – Savage R. Funk
Round 2, Pick 15. Kadarius Claypool ll (CB) – K Thump a.k.a. Rappa Rage
Round 3, Pick 23. Legs McMillion (WR) – Lotto Legs a.k.a. Def Swagga
Round 4, Pick 31. Otto The Orange (TE) – Curious Fresh Otto O a.k.a. Authentic Styles
Round 5, Pick 39. Garth Silver (S) – Verbose Silver Nugget
Round 6, Pick 47. Sean Robinson (WR) – Sean R Frenzy
Round 7, Pick 55. Nwoye Musa (DT) – M Chronic a.k.a. Capricious Love
Round 8, Pick 63. Sticky Hands (RB) – Sticky Sugar
Round 9, Pick 71. Jean Pierre III (DE) – Jean J Choppa
Round 10, Pick 79. Akele Kekela (RB) – Saucy Gunshot AK Trixx
Round 11, Pick 87. Slim Reaper (WR) – Bad Slim Reaper
Round 12, Pick 95. Theo Akersloot (KP) – Justice TA Beat
Round 13, Pick 103. Bo Stonerod (LB) – Rula Bo
Round 14, Pick 111. Cassius Jameson (TE) – Juvenile Cassius C Mix a.k.a. Poppa Assassin
Portland Pythons
As strippers – hey, you want to see my ‘python’?
Round 1, Pick 4. Bruce White (DE) – Cookie Cutie
Round 2, Pick 12. John Stark VIII (LB) – Chesty Glitz Cream
Round 3, Pick 20. Benjamin Duvernay (CB) – Ben D-Lite
Round 4, Pick 25. Jumbo Edward (DT) – Tender Edward
Round 5, Pick 36. Emile Charles (WR) – Miss Candy
Round 6, Pick 44. Trent Silverback (OL) – Trix Silver
Round 7, Pick 52. Leo Stud (DE) – Stud Muffin
Round 8, Pick 60. Atlas Kirkby (DT) – Kiki Baby
Round 9, Pick 68. Saveour Piethons (OL) – Magic Mike
Round 10, Pick 76. Forozka Duanei (WR) – Raunchy Rabbit
Round 11, Pick 84. Lavondrius Dingle (CB) – Cherry Sizzle
Round 12, Pick 92. Jilk Nutler (TE) – Secret Tits
Round 13, Pick 100. Greg Howard (LB) – Destiny Wild
Round 14, Pick 108. Bob Bouncy (RB) – DoubleD Bouncy
Round 15, Pick 116. Ethan Mahlstedt (WR) – Miss Monsoon
Tijuana Luchadores
As superheroes – being a luchador is all about owning a unique, spandex-clad persona
Round 1, Pick 2. Dub Redd (DT) – Redd Flying Falcon
Round 2, Pick 10. Benji Aguilera (WR) – Volcanic Ash Aguilera
Round 3, Pick 18. Ezra Azazel (RB) – Apex Azazel
Round 4, Pick 26. Synystyr Gates (CB) – Synystyr Slingshot
Round 5, Pick 34. Logjammed McBobface (DE) – Turbine Logjammed
Round 6, Pick 42. Lloyd Bannings (QB) – Bannings Barrage
Round 7, Pick 50. Spooky Diddler III (LB) – Dynamo Diddler
Round 8, Pick 58. Orga Panda (WR) – Bionic Panda
Round 9, Pick 66. Garrett Cheetahman (WR) – Flash Cheetah
Round 10, Pick 74. Alex Roth (KP) – Roth Mantis
Round 11, Pick 82. Hooker Quin (TE) – Onyx Quin
Round 12, Pick 90. Joshua Mabry (OL) – Joshua Jawbreaker
Round 13, Pick 98. Buster McBain (DE) – Calamity Buster
Round 14, Pick 106. Jayden Alexander (LB) – Quicksand Alexander
Round 15, Pick 114. Buster Beverly Jr. (WR) – Exodus Buster
Renaming Results by Draft Order
Round One
1. aeonsjenni - Mary Marie (S) – (pirates) Barnacle Breath Joan
2. wizard_literal - Dub Redd (DT) – (superheroes) Redd Flying Falcon
3. Jumbo - Loose Cannon (LB) – (rappers) Funky C Styles
4. toofpete - Bruce White (DE) – (strippers) Cookie Cutie
5. ElMerchanto - Craig Brand (TE) – (strippers) Foxy Dream
6. entreri - Artemis Entreri (WR) – (pirates) Cap'n Artemis Sharkbait
7. TheRake - Rico Savage (S) – (rappers) Savage R. Funk
8. FireworkFuse - Jason Steele (DT) – (superheroes) Cast Iron Steele
Round Two
9. Memento Mori - Oliver Tolliver (WR) – (pirates) Cap'n Laird Jailbait
10. CROney3 - Benji Aguilera (WR) – (superheroes) Volcanic Ash Aguilera
11. DL14 - Diego Lopez Alonso (WR) – (rappers) Diego Dubz
12. UptownCord - John Stark VIII (LB) – (strippers) Chesty Glitz Cream
13. Valucious - Chris Mahlstedt (DE) – (strippers) Misty Meadow
14. LtHudz - Billy Jor-El (DT) – (pirates) Pirate William the Disgruntled
15. Weaves - Kadarius Claypool ll (CB) – (rappers) K Thump a.k.a. Rappa Rage
16. jdc4654 - Ray Baker (KP) – (superheroes) Manta Ray Baker
Round Three
17. crash1005 - Rolud Onyxgut (DE) – (pirates) Filthy Dan Dawkins
18. baz1757 - Ezra Azazel (RB) – (superheroes) Apex Azazel
19. nickWilliams - Nick Williams (TE) – (rappers) Thug Speedy Nick
20. Purpl3Spartan - Benjamin Duvernay (CB) – (strippers) Ben D-Lite
21. Cycro - Justin Willis (OL) – (strippers) Passion Jugs
22. KlausGoatCasinos - Bill Cravy (CB) – (pirates) Cap'n Cravy Bloodcake
23. jollyjiggs - Legs McMillion (WR) – (rappers) Lotto Legs a.k.a. Def Swagga
24. Joe Shabado - Icepick O'Hullihan (S) – (superheroes) Impenetrable Icepick O'Hullihan
Round Four
25. furiousPanda - Jumbo Edward (DT) – (strippers) Tender Edward
26. Dustillation - Synystyr Gates (CB) – (superheroes) Synystyr Slingshot
27. LeSizz - Max Honestly (TE) – (rappers) Skinny Pac Max
28. Urq660 - DJ Maclean (LB) – (pirates) Pirate Diego the Pink
29. RenoJacksonHS - Dr. Livesey (WR) – (strippers) Sweet Cheeks
30. BrontBront - Bigton Hammer (LB) – (pirates) Mast Hugger Hammer
31. Greenbaynathan - Otto The Orange (TE) – (rappers) Curious Fresh Otto O a.k.a. Authentic Styles
32. packplaya - Bubba Chubb (OL) – (superheroes) Bulletproof Bubba Chubb
Round Five
33. Tiktaalik - Bob Kickerson (KP) – (pirates) Eel Breath Hank
34. marccelaat - Logjammed McBobface (DE) – (superheroes) Turbine Logjammed
35. WrittinDirectino - Brian Vincent-Vega (S) – (rappers) Grand B Vincent-Vega
36. Number 82 - Emile Charles (WR) – (strippers) Miss Candy
37. Hemmlock - Aleksander Reznikov (LB) – (strippers) Amber Shimmer Whip
38. Gragg9 - Modest Mussorgsky (OL) – (pirates) Smarmy Mussorgsky
39. MCHers - Garth Silver (S) – (rappers) Verbose Silver Nugget
40. InternationalHouse - Offe Panic (DT) – (superheroes) Captain Panic
Round Six
41. MrNoPass - Ivan Baldwin (CB) – (pirates) Cap'n Dick Seaturd
42. bowl0 - Lloyd Bannings (QB) – (superheroes) Bannings Barrage
43. Beegbeegyoshi - Beeg Beeg Yoshi, Jr. (OL) – (rappers) Yo$hi
44. Kunra99 - Trent Silverback (OL) – (strippers) Trix Silver
45. kinglord29 - William Barkley (TE) – (superheroes) The Rooster WIlliam Barkley
46. Hallmonitor_20 - Kenny Szymborski (TE) – (pirates) Seal Breath Borski
47. ruffleSean18 - Sean Robinson (WR) – (rappers) Sean R Frenzy
48. jross - Rodney Rosadino (DE) – (superheroes) Mr. Miraculous Rosadino
Round Seven
49. pazuzu - Scruffy The Janitor (DT) – (pirates) Scruffy Bloodgut
50. tuddus - Spooky Diddler III (LB) – (superheroes) Dynamo Diddler
51. Dolphins - Bradley Welch Jr. (CB) – (rappers) Young Brad
52. Matlestud - Leo Stud (DE) – (strippers) Stud Muffin
53. ianthebalance - Pierce Hawthorne (TE) – (strippers) Pierce Pony
54. LiathTheSquirrel - Liath Squirrel (LB) – (pirates) Pirate Liath the Rum-Swiller
55. PonchoC - Nwoye Musa (DT) – (rappers) M Chronic a.k.a. Capricious Love
56. titanfan34 - Eilliot Berry (RB) – (superheroes) Berry Hurricane
Round Eight
57. Toast - Burnt Toast (TE) – (pirates) Smarmy Javier Cooke
58. juniped - Orga Panda (WR) – (superheroes) Bionic Panda
59. cove - Luca Rossi (DT) – (rappers) Luca Havoc
60. Acsolap - Atlas Kirkby (DT) – (strippers) Kiki Baby
61. infinitempg - Wolfie McDummy Jr. (WR) – (strippers) Infinite Leather
62. Kaliodyme - Faust Leercor (DE) – (pirates) Cap'n Dick Leadhead
63. Quasi - Sticky Hands (RB) – (rappers) Sticky Sugar
64. Rojefmo - Wade Right - (KP) – (superheroes) Wade Righteous
Round Nine
65. Quisvilius - Amanda HugAndKiss (S) – (pirates) Pirate Xena the Cash-Strapped
66. porkypig78 - Garrett Cheetahman (WR) – (superheroes) Flash Cheetah
67. RaidTheArcade - Mickey Mouse (OL) – (rappers) Slim Rough Mickey
68. LeatherneckMike - Saveour Piethons (OL) – (strippers) Magic Mike
69. MattBake12 - The Riddler (WR) – (strippers) Angel Star
70. LimJahey - Honey Badger (WR) – (pirates) Scurvy-Gums Badger
71. thajoker - Jean Pierre III (DE) – (rappers) Jean J Choppa
72. Magnet - Banjo O'Kudah (DE) – (superheroes) Banjo Bonfire
Round Ten
73. nefan12 - Bart Biggs (OL) – (pirates) Decayin' Bart Smithe
74. Arekkusu - Alex Roth (KP) – (superheroes) Roth Mantis
75. 4D Chess - Cheeky Lad (OL) – (rappers) Killah C
76. BWIII - Forozka Duanei (WR) – (strippers) Raunchy Rabbit
77. Toasty - Sid The Sloth (RB) – (strippers) Missy Royale
78. Pfluginator5 - Frederick Carlson (DE) – (pirates) Slouchin' Hugo Carlson
79. YoungBuck - Akele Kekela (RB) – (rappers) Saucy Gunshot AK Trixx
80. Krombopulos_Bill - Donny Doofenshmirtz (TE) – (superheroes) Jackhammer Donny
Round Eleven
81. LilOslicki - Quarl Walkins III (RB) – (pirates) Scurvy Butt Vinny
82. OlaveGarden - Hooker Quin (TE) – (superheroes) Onyx Quin
83. Hong Kong Tony Gunk - Wandamian Weatherspoons III (LB) – (rappers) Maniacal Wandamian Pockets
84. notmylevel - Lavondrius Dingle (CB) – (strippers) Cherry Sizzle
85. Lagwagon - Jeremy Hurst (TE) – (strippers) Mercedes Kiss
86. StormClark - Albert Einstein (LB) – (pirates) Pirate Bert the Sword Test Dummy
87. Blacchollywoodd - Slim Reaper (WR) – (rappers) Bad Slim Reaper
88. thecanadiancanuck - Jake Jefferson (QB) – (superheroes) MechaMan Jefferson
Round Twelve
89. ddurb123 - Tyrone Petrovich Jr. (LB) – (pirates) Black Death Ty
90. Lohnranger - Joshua Mabry (OL) – (superheroes) Joshua Jawbreaker
91. maths17 - Mathieu Savard (OL) – (rappers) Furious Mathieu S
92. spagzooks - Jilk Nutler (TE) – (strippers) Secret Tits
93. slakarot - Hans DiCaprio (DE) – (strippers) Lacy Dazzle
94. KylePlantEmoji - Estuar Bromson (TE) – (pirates) Pirate Macon the Fashionably Late
95. VintageDubstep - Theo Akersloot (KP) – (rappers) Justice TA Beat
96. Pbsal11 - Saul Elkton (WR) – (superheroes) Shadowman Saul
Round Thirteen
97. Drummiboi31 - Jimmy Anderson (WR) – (pirates) Pirate Jimmy the Bitter
98. gogiants17 - Buster McBain (DE) – (superheroes) Calamity Buster
99. SpongebobDealer - Billy Snow (DE) – (rappers) Ice BS a.k.a. Slim Force
100. Ghalnan - Greg Howard (LB) – (strippers) Destiny Wild
101. crazylemire - Great Kahli (OL) – (strippers) Goldy Cabaret
102. MisterBeefy1 - Rick Skull (RB) – (pirates) Skull and Bones Ricky
103. M_Calabrese_9 - Bo Stonerod (LB) – (rappers) Rula Bo
104. thatdoggikid - Doggi O'Farraday (RB) – (superheroes) Bullseye O’Farraday
Round Fourteen
105. BallSoHard - Pena Nieto (TE) – (pirates) Cap'n Wade Bluebeard
106. Jaebae99 - Jayden Alexander (LB) – (superheroes) Quicksand Alexander
107. Suicyd King - TJ Thom (DE) – (rappers) Tenacious TJ T
108. kissadam45 - Bob Bouncy (RB) – (strippers) DoubleD Bouncy
109. FreddieFran22 - Freddie Fran (RB) – (strippers) Sugar Bubbles
110. YUrrrk - Gavin Hoppe (RB) – (pirates) Fish Breath Gav
111. Modalmiles - Cassius Jameson (TE) – (rappers) Juvenile Cassius C Mix a.k.a. Poppa Assassin
112. Lucky.Chopstix - Coke Zero (WR) – (superheroes) Zero Tradewind
Round Fifteen
113. pearlboilrae - Hunter Renphrow (RB) – (pirates) Pirate Hunter the Black
114. yeatstan3000 - Buster Beverly Jr. (WR) – (superheroes) Exodus Buster
115. Moofishy - Grungus Burgermeister (WR) – (rappers) Grun Gus a.k.a. Mobster Loaf
116. Ethanm15 - Ethan Mahlstedt (WR) – (strippers) Miss Monsoon
When I first did this in S26, I started by assigning each of the 8 DSFL teams to one of four categories for names for which you often see name generator games posted on social media feeds. The first time around, the four categories were: hobbits, strippers, pirates, or rappers. However, this time around since we just completed the Fantasy Name Generator Edition for the ISFL, I’m going to replace the hobbits category with a new group: superheroes. So, with that we begin the process.
I start by assigning the DSFL teams to one of: superheroes, strippers, pirates, or rappers based on completely subjective word associations. Because I changed the categories and because the associations I have with DSFL teams have changed as rosters rotate and locker rooms evolve, I re-associate the teams with the groups. Next, player first and last name (or last initial) are input into the online name generator corresponding to their team’s assigned category:
- Superheroes: https://www.fanbolt.com/superhero-name-generator/
- Strippers: https://en.shindanmaker.com/740683 and https://www.quizopolis.com/stripper-name.php
- Pirates: http://gangstaname.com/names/pirate
- Rappers: https://www.myrapname.com/
I present the results first by team and then in draft order. Hopefully it’s a fun way for the new draftees to connect with their new teammates and enjoy themselves as a draft class.
Renaming Results by Team
Bondi Beach Buccaneers
As pirates – because… they are already pirates
Round 1, Pick 1. Mary Marie (S) – Barnacle Breath Joan
Round 2, Pick 9. Oliver Tolliver (WR) – Cap'n Laird Jailbait
Round 3, Pick 17. Rolud Onyxgut (DE) – Filthy Dan Dawkins
Round 4, Pick 28. DJ Maclean (LB) – Pirate Diego the Pink
Round 5, Pick 33. Bob Kickerson (KP) – Eel Breath Hank
Round 6, Pick 41. Ivan Baldwin (CB) – Cap'n Dick Seaturd
Round 7, Pick 49. Scruffy The Janitor (DT) – Scruffy Bloodgut
Round 8, Pick 57. Burnt Toast (TE) – Smarmy Javier Cooke
Round 9, Pick 65. Amanda HugAndKiss (S) – Pirate Xena the Cash-Strapped
Round 10, Pick 73. Bart Biggs (OL) – Decayin' Bart Smithe
Round 11, Pick 81. Quarl Walkins III (RB) – Scurvy Butt Vinny
Round 12, Pick 89. Tyrone Petrovich Jr. (LB) – Black Death Ty
Round 13, Pick 97. Jimmy Anderson (WR) – Pirate Jimmy the Bitter
Round 14, Pick 105. Pena Nieto (TE) – Cap'n Wade Bluebeard
Round 15, Pick 113. Hunter Renphrow (RB) – Pirate Hunter the Black
Dallas Birddogs
As strippers – because Texas (especially Dallas) reminds me of road trips, truck stops, dive bars off the highway, and strip clubs; in these classy joints, you can probably bring your dog in with you
Round 1, Pick 5. Craig Brand (TE) – Foxy Dream
Round 2, Pick 13. Chris Mahlstedt (DE) – Misty Meadow
Round 3, Pick 21. Justin Willis (OL) – Passion Jugs
Round 4, Pick 29. Dr. Livesey (WR) – Sweet Cheeks
Round 5, Pick 37. Aleksander Reznikov (LB) – Amber Shimmer Whip
Round 7, Pick 53. Pierce Hawthorne (TE) – Pierce Pony
Round 8, Pick 61. Wolfie McDummy Jr. (WR) – Infinite Leather
Round 9, Pick 69. The Riddler (WR) – Angel Star
Round 10, Pick 77. Sid The Sloth (RB) – Missy Royale
Round 11, Pick 85. Jeremy Hurst (TE) – Mercedes Kiss
Round 12, Pick 93. Hans DiCaprio (DE) – Lacy Dazzle
Round 13, Pick 101. Great Kahli (OL) – Goldy Cabaret
Round 14, Pick 109. Freddie Fran (RB) – Sugar Bubbles
Kansas City Coyotes
As superheroes – as the most recent franchise to take home the Ultimini, it’s only fitting to make them superheroes
Round 1, Pick 8. Jason Steele (DT) – Cast Iron Steele
Round 2, Pick 16. Ray Baker (KP) – Manta Ray Baker
Round 3, Pick 24. Icepick O'Hullihan (S) – Impenetrable Icepick O'Hullihan
Round 4, Pick 32. Bubba Chubb (OL) – Bulletproof Bubba Chubb
Round 5, Pick 40. Offe Panic (DT) – Captain Panic
Round 6, Pick 45. William Barkley (TE) – The Rooster WIlliam Barkley
Round 6, Pick 48. Rodney Rosadino (DE) – Mr. Miraculous Rosadino
Round 7, Pick 56. Eilliot Berry (RB) – Berry Hurricane
Round 8, Pick 64. Wade Right - (KP) – Wade Righteous
Round 9, Pick 72. Banjo O'Kudah (DE) – Banjo Bonfire
Round 10, Pick 80. Donny Doofenshmirtz (TE) – Jackhammer Donny
Round 11, Pick 88. Jake Jefferson (QB) – MechaMan Jefferson
Round 12, Pick 96. Saul Elkton (WR) – Shadowman Saul
Round 13, Pick 104. Doggi O'Farraday (RB) – Bullseye O’Farraday
Round 14, Pick 112. Coke Zero (WR) – Zero Tradewind
London Royals
As Rappers – co-GM Alikh is known throughout the league for his rap videos
Round 1, Pick 3. Loose Cannon (LB) – Funky C Styles
Round 2, Pick 11. Diego Lopez Alonso (WR) – Diego Dubz
Round 3, Pick 19. Nick Williams (TE) – Thug Speedy Nick
Round 4, Pick 27. Max Honestly (TE) – Skinny Pac Max
Round 5, Pick 35. Brian Vincent-Vega (S) – Grand B Vincent-Vega
Round 6, Pick 43. Beeg Beeg Yoshi, Jr. (OL) – Yo$hi
Round 7, Pick 51. Bradley Welch Jr. (CB) – Young Brad
Round 8, Pick 59. Luca Rossi (DT) – Luca Havoc
Round 9, Pick 67. Mickey Mouse (OL) – Slim Rough Mickey
Round 10, Pick 75. Cheeky Lad (OL) – Killah C
Round 11, Pick 83. Wandamian Weatherspoons III (LB) – Maniacal Wandamian Pockets
Round 12, Pick 91. Mathieu Savard (OL) – Furious Mathieu S
Round 13, Pick 99. Billy Snow (DE) – Ice BS a.k.a. Slim Force
Round 14, Pick 107. TJ Thom (DE) – Tenacious TJ T
Round 15, Pick 115. Grungus Burgermeister (WR) – Grun Gus a.k.a. Mobster Loaf
Minnesota Grey Ducks
As pirates – in full honesty, this is the association that is the most of a stretch, but I wanted to make sure that I had an even distribution of teams across categories. So what I’ve got for you is that duck duck grey duck is a children’s game and children also like to dress up as pirates. That’s it.
Round 1, Pick 6. Artemis Entreri (WR) – Cap'n Artemis Sharkbait
Round 2, Pick 14. Billy Jor-El (DT) – Pirate William the Disgruntled
Round 3, Pick 22. Bill Cravy (CB) – Cap'n Cravy Bloodcake
Round 4, Pick 30. Bigton Hammer (LB) – Mast Hugger Hammer
Round 5, Pick 38. Modest Mussorgsky (OL) – Smarmy Mussorgsky
Round 6, Pick 46. Kenny Szymborski (TE) – Seal Breath Borski
Round 7, Pick 54. Liath Squirrel (LB) – Pirate Liath the Rum-Swiller
Round 8, Pick 62. Faust Leercor (DE) – Cap'n Dick Leadhead
Round 9, Pick 70. Honey Badger (WR) – Scurvy-Gums Badger
Round 10, Pick 78. Frederick Carlson (DE) – Slouchin' Hugo Carlson
Round 11, Pick 86. Albert Einstein (LB) – Pirate Bert the Sword Test Dummy
Round 12, Pick 94. Estuar Bromson (TE) – Pirate Macon the Fashionably Late
Round 13, Pick 102. Rick Skull (RB) – Skull and Bones Ricky
Round 14, Pick 110. Gavin Hoppe (RB) – Fish Breath Gav
Norfolk Seawolves
As rappers – the upstart co-GM LordCoolcats has challenged Alikh for his rapper title and the league waits with bated breath for the next round of this rap battle
Round 1, Pick 7. Rico Savage (S) – Savage R. Funk
Round 2, Pick 15. Kadarius Claypool ll (CB) – K Thump a.k.a. Rappa Rage
Round 3, Pick 23. Legs McMillion (WR) – Lotto Legs a.k.a. Def Swagga
Round 4, Pick 31. Otto The Orange (TE) – Curious Fresh Otto O a.k.a. Authentic Styles
Round 5, Pick 39. Garth Silver (S) – Verbose Silver Nugget
Round 6, Pick 47. Sean Robinson (WR) – Sean R Frenzy
Round 7, Pick 55. Nwoye Musa (DT) – M Chronic a.k.a. Capricious Love
Round 8, Pick 63. Sticky Hands (RB) – Sticky Sugar
Round 9, Pick 71. Jean Pierre III (DE) – Jean J Choppa
Round 10, Pick 79. Akele Kekela (RB) – Saucy Gunshot AK Trixx
Round 11, Pick 87. Slim Reaper (WR) – Bad Slim Reaper
Round 12, Pick 95. Theo Akersloot (KP) – Justice TA Beat
Round 13, Pick 103. Bo Stonerod (LB) – Rula Bo
Round 14, Pick 111. Cassius Jameson (TE) – Juvenile Cassius C Mix a.k.a. Poppa Assassin
Portland Pythons
As strippers – hey, you want to see my ‘python’?
Round 1, Pick 4. Bruce White (DE) – Cookie Cutie
Round 2, Pick 12. John Stark VIII (LB) – Chesty Glitz Cream
Round 3, Pick 20. Benjamin Duvernay (CB) – Ben D-Lite
Round 4, Pick 25. Jumbo Edward (DT) – Tender Edward
Round 5, Pick 36. Emile Charles (WR) – Miss Candy
Round 6, Pick 44. Trent Silverback (OL) – Trix Silver
Round 7, Pick 52. Leo Stud (DE) – Stud Muffin
Round 8, Pick 60. Atlas Kirkby (DT) – Kiki Baby
Round 9, Pick 68. Saveour Piethons (OL) – Magic Mike
Round 10, Pick 76. Forozka Duanei (WR) – Raunchy Rabbit
Round 11, Pick 84. Lavondrius Dingle (CB) – Cherry Sizzle
Round 12, Pick 92. Jilk Nutler (TE) – Secret Tits
Round 13, Pick 100. Greg Howard (LB) – Destiny Wild
Round 14, Pick 108. Bob Bouncy (RB) – DoubleD Bouncy
Round 15, Pick 116. Ethan Mahlstedt (WR) – Miss Monsoon
Tijuana Luchadores
As superheroes – being a luchador is all about owning a unique, spandex-clad persona
Round 1, Pick 2. Dub Redd (DT) – Redd Flying Falcon
Round 2, Pick 10. Benji Aguilera (WR) – Volcanic Ash Aguilera
Round 3, Pick 18. Ezra Azazel (RB) – Apex Azazel
Round 4, Pick 26. Synystyr Gates (CB) – Synystyr Slingshot
Round 5, Pick 34. Logjammed McBobface (DE) – Turbine Logjammed
Round 6, Pick 42. Lloyd Bannings (QB) – Bannings Barrage
Round 7, Pick 50. Spooky Diddler III (LB) – Dynamo Diddler
Round 8, Pick 58. Orga Panda (WR) – Bionic Panda
Round 9, Pick 66. Garrett Cheetahman (WR) – Flash Cheetah
Round 10, Pick 74. Alex Roth (KP) – Roth Mantis
Round 11, Pick 82. Hooker Quin (TE) – Onyx Quin
Round 12, Pick 90. Joshua Mabry (OL) – Joshua Jawbreaker
Round 13, Pick 98. Buster McBain (DE) – Calamity Buster
Round 14, Pick 106. Jayden Alexander (LB) – Quicksand Alexander
Round 15, Pick 114. Buster Beverly Jr. (WR) – Exodus Buster
Renaming Results by Draft Order
Round One
1. aeonsjenni - Mary Marie (S) – (pirates) Barnacle Breath Joan
2. wizard_literal - Dub Redd (DT) – (superheroes) Redd Flying Falcon
3. Jumbo - Loose Cannon (LB) – (rappers) Funky C Styles
4. toofpete - Bruce White (DE) – (strippers) Cookie Cutie
5. ElMerchanto - Craig Brand (TE) – (strippers) Foxy Dream
6. entreri - Artemis Entreri (WR) – (pirates) Cap'n Artemis Sharkbait
7. TheRake - Rico Savage (S) – (rappers) Savage R. Funk
8. FireworkFuse - Jason Steele (DT) – (superheroes) Cast Iron Steele
Round Two
9. Memento Mori - Oliver Tolliver (WR) – (pirates) Cap'n Laird Jailbait
10. CROney3 - Benji Aguilera (WR) – (superheroes) Volcanic Ash Aguilera
11. DL14 - Diego Lopez Alonso (WR) – (rappers) Diego Dubz
12. UptownCord - John Stark VIII (LB) – (strippers) Chesty Glitz Cream
13. Valucious - Chris Mahlstedt (DE) – (strippers) Misty Meadow
14. LtHudz - Billy Jor-El (DT) – (pirates) Pirate William the Disgruntled
15. Weaves - Kadarius Claypool ll (CB) – (rappers) K Thump a.k.a. Rappa Rage
16. jdc4654 - Ray Baker (KP) – (superheroes) Manta Ray Baker
Round Three
17. crash1005 - Rolud Onyxgut (DE) – (pirates) Filthy Dan Dawkins
18. baz1757 - Ezra Azazel (RB) – (superheroes) Apex Azazel
19. nickWilliams - Nick Williams (TE) – (rappers) Thug Speedy Nick
20. Purpl3Spartan - Benjamin Duvernay (CB) – (strippers) Ben D-Lite
21. Cycro - Justin Willis (OL) – (strippers) Passion Jugs
22. KlausGoatCasinos - Bill Cravy (CB) – (pirates) Cap'n Cravy Bloodcake
23. jollyjiggs - Legs McMillion (WR) – (rappers) Lotto Legs a.k.a. Def Swagga
24. Joe Shabado - Icepick O'Hullihan (S) – (superheroes) Impenetrable Icepick O'Hullihan
Round Four
25. furiousPanda - Jumbo Edward (DT) – (strippers) Tender Edward
26. Dustillation - Synystyr Gates (CB) – (superheroes) Synystyr Slingshot
27. LeSizz - Max Honestly (TE) – (rappers) Skinny Pac Max
28. Urq660 - DJ Maclean (LB) – (pirates) Pirate Diego the Pink
29. RenoJacksonHS - Dr. Livesey (WR) – (strippers) Sweet Cheeks
30. BrontBront - Bigton Hammer (LB) – (pirates) Mast Hugger Hammer
31. Greenbaynathan - Otto The Orange (TE) – (rappers) Curious Fresh Otto O a.k.a. Authentic Styles
32. packplaya - Bubba Chubb (OL) – (superheroes) Bulletproof Bubba Chubb
Round Five
33. Tiktaalik - Bob Kickerson (KP) – (pirates) Eel Breath Hank
34. marccelaat - Logjammed McBobface (DE) – (superheroes) Turbine Logjammed
35. WrittinDirectino - Brian Vincent-Vega (S) – (rappers) Grand B Vincent-Vega
36. Number 82 - Emile Charles (WR) – (strippers) Miss Candy
37. Hemmlock - Aleksander Reznikov (LB) – (strippers) Amber Shimmer Whip
38. Gragg9 - Modest Mussorgsky (OL) – (pirates) Smarmy Mussorgsky
39. MCHers - Garth Silver (S) – (rappers) Verbose Silver Nugget
40. InternationalHouse - Offe Panic (DT) – (superheroes) Captain Panic
Round Six
41. MrNoPass - Ivan Baldwin (CB) – (pirates) Cap'n Dick Seaturd
42. bowl0 - Lloyd Bannings (QB) – (superheroes) Bannings Barrage
43. Beegbeegyoshi - Beeg Beeg Yoshi, Jr. (OL) – (rappers) Yo$hi
44. Kunra99 - Trent Silverback (OL) – (strippers) Trix Silver
45. kinglord29 - William Barkley (TE) – (superheroes) The Rooster WIlliam Barkley
46. Hallmonitor_20 - Kenny Szymborski (TE) – (pirates) Seal Breath Borski
47. ruffleSean18 - Sean Robinson (WR) – (rappers) Sean R Frenzy
48. jross - Rodney Rosadino (DE) – (superheroes) Mr. Miraculous Rosadino
Round Seven
49. pazuzu - Scruffy The Janitor (DT) – (pirates) Scruffy Bloodgut
50. tuddus - Spooky Diddler III (LB) – (superheroes) Dynamo Diddler
51. Dolphins - Bradley Welch Jr. (CB) – (rappers) Young Brad
52. Matlestud - Leo Stud (DE) – (strippers) Stud Muffin
53. ianthebalance - Pierce Hawthorne (TE) – (strippers) Pierce Pony
54. LiathTheSquirrel - Liath Squirrel (LB) – (pirates) Pirate Liath the Rum-Swiller
55. PonchoC - Nwoye Musa (DT) – (rappers) M Chronic a.k.a. Capricious Love
56. titanfan34 - Eilliot Berry (RB) – (superheroes) Berry Hurricane
Round Eight
57. Toast - Burnt Toast (TE) – (pirates) Smarmy Javier Cooke
58. juniped - Orga Panda (WR) – (superheroes) Bionic Panda
59. cove - Luca Rossi (DT) – (rappers) Luca Havoc
60. Acsolap - Atlas Kirkby (DT) – (strippers) Kiki Baby
61. infinitempg - Wolfie McDummy Jr. (WR) – (strippers) Infinite Leather
62. Kaliodyme - Faust Leercor (DE) – (pirates) Cap'n Dick Leadhead
63. Quasi - Sticky Hands (RB) – (rappers) Sticky Sugar
64. Rojefmo - Wade Right - (KP) – (superheroes) Wade Righteous
Round Nine
65. Quisvilius - Amanda HugAndKiss (S) – (pirates) Pirate Xena the Cash-Strapped
66. porkypig78 - Garrett Cheetahman (WR) – (superheroes) Flash Cheetah
67. RaidTheArcade - Mickey Mouse (OL) – (rappers) Slim Rough Mickey
68. LeatherneckMike - Saveour Piethons (OL) – (strippers) Magic Mike
69. MattBake12 - The Riddler (WR) – (strippers) Angel Star
70. LimJahey - Honey Badger (WR) – (pirates) Scurvy-Gums Badger
71. thajoker - Jean Pierre III (DE) – (rappers) Jean J Choppa
72. Magnet - Banjo O'Kudah (DE) – (superheroes) Banjo Bonfire
Round Ten
73. nefan12 - Bart Biggs (OL) – (pirates) Decayin' Bart Smithe
74. Arekkusu - Alex Roth (KP) – (superheroes) Roth Mantis
75. 4D Chess - Cheeky Lad (OL) – (rappers) Killah C
76. BWIII - Forozka Duanei (WR) – (strippers) Raunchy Rabbit
77. Toasty - Sid The Sloth (RB) – (strippers) Missy Royale
78. Pfluginator5 - Frederick Carlson (DE) – (pirates) Slouchin' Hugo Carlson
79. YoungBuck - Akele Kekela (RB) – (rappers) Saucy Gunshot AK Trixx
80. Krombopulos_Bill - Donny Doofenshmirtz (TE) – (superheroes) Jackhammer Donny
Round Eleven
81. LilOslicki - Quarl Walkins III (RB) – (pirates) Scurvy Butt Vinny
82. OlaveGarden - Hooker Quin (TE) – (superheroes) Onyx Quin
83. Hong Kong Tony Gunk - Wandamian Weatherspoons III (LB) – (rappers) Maniacal Wandamian Pockets
84. notmylevel - Lavondrius Dingle (CB) – (strippers) Cherry Sizzle
85. Lagwagon - Jeremy Hurst (TE) – (strippers) Mercedes Kiss
86. StormClark - Albert Einstein (LB) – (pirates) Pirate Bert the Sword Test Dummy
87. Blacchollywoodd - Slim Reaper (WR) – (rappers) Bad Slim Reaper
88. thecanadiancanuck - Jake Jefferson (QB) – (superheroes) MechaMan Jefferson
Round Twelve
89. ddurb123 - Tyrone Petrovich Jr. (LB) – (pirates) Black Death Ty
90. Lohnranger - Joshua Mabry (OL) – (superheroes) Joshua Jawbreaker
91. maths17 - Mathieu Savard (OL) – (rappers) Furious Mathieu S
92. spagzooks - Jilk Nutler (TE) – (strippers) Secret Tits
93. slakarot - Hans DiCaprio (DE) – (strippers) Lacy Dazzle
94. KylePlantEmoji - Estuar Bromson (TE) – (pirates) Pirate Macon the Fashionably Late
95. VintageDubstep - Theo Akersloot (KP) – (rappers) Justice TA Beat
96. Pbsal11 - Saul Elkton (WR) – (superheroes) Shadowman Saul
Round Thirteen
97. Drummiboi31 - Jimmy Anderson (WR) – (pirates) Pirate Jimmy the Bitter
98. gogiants17 - Buster McBain (DE) – (superheroes) Calamity Buster
99. SpongebobDealer - Billy Snow (DE) – (rappers) Ice BS a.k.a. Slim Force
100. Ghalnan - Greg Howard (LB) – (strippers) Destiny Wild
101. crazylemire - Great Kahli (OL) – (strippers) Goldy Cabaret
102. MisterBeefy1 - Rick Skull (RB) – (pirates) Skull and Bones Ricky
103. M_Calabrese_9 - Bo Stonerod (LB) – (rappers) Rula Bo
104. thatdoggikid - Doggi O'Farraday (RB) – (superheroes) Bullseye O’Farraday
Round Fourteen
105. BallSoHard - Pena Nieto (TE) – (pirates) Cap'n Wade Bluebeard
106. Jaebae99 - Jayden Alexander (LB) – (superheroes) Quicksand Alexander
107. Suicyd King - TJ Thom (DE) – (rappers) Tenacious TJ T
108. kissadam45 - Bob Bouncy (RB) – (strippers) DoubleD Bouncy
109. FreddieFran22 - Freddie Fran (RB) – (strippers) Sugar Bubbles
110. YUrrrk - Gavin Hoppe (RB) – (pirates) Fish Breath Gav
111. Modalmiles - Cassius Jameson (TE) – (rappers) Juvenile Cassius C Mix a.k.a. Poppa Assassin
112. Lucky.Chopstix - Coke Zero (WR) – (superheroes) Zero Tradewind
Round Fifteen
113. pearlboilrae - Hunter Renphrow (RB) – (pirates) Pirate Hunter the Black
114. yeatstan3000 - Buster Beverly Jr. (WR) – (superheroes) Exodus Buster
115. Moofishy - Grungus Burgermeister (WR) – (rappers) Grun Gus a.k.a. Mobster Loaf
116. Ethanm15 - Ethan Mahlstedt (WR) – (strippers) Miss Monsoon