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*The Rockiest Road VI - Baron1898 - 08-20-2023
![[Image: test2.png]](https://i.ibb.co/2YHx3Kc/test2.png)
The Rockiest Road
Colorado’s Years in the Wilderness
Volume I | Volume II | Volume III | Volume IV | Volume V | Volume VI | Volume VII | Finale
The Colorado Yeti had been in this same position before. After losing the S1 Ultimus, the franchise suffered through a long, frequently interrupted rebuilding cycle. Various missteps, mis-draftings, and mysterious starting quarterback decisions made the process so much more painful than comparative efforts in New Orleans or Baltimore. By the end of the team’s flimsy window, they resorted to a desperate all-in effort to try and snatch something, anything at all for their efforts.
After losing the Ultimus, Colorado again seemed to plummet towards the abyss and very nearly went winless once more. But like a phoenix from the ashes, the Yeti were ready to try again. There were competent GMs, a flourishing locker room, and a steady intake of eager young players. History was not doomed to repeat itself. If they wanted to diverge from their own dismal echoes and succeed where they had once failed, the team would have to scratch and claw their way back into the ring.
Volume VI: The Climb
![[Image: 3qnXgDp.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/3qnXgDp.jpg)
Season 17
"You can tell most people stating the opinion of the Yeti have Twitch accounts cause together combined they have the IQ of a basic Twitch chat."
Perhaps the greatest improvement made to the roster for Season 17 was time. So many of their biggest stars had been drafted after the last Ultimus loss, including the team’s quarterback, and their TPE earnings went a long way in improving the entire roster’s strength. Ideally their win-loss record would improve in tandem.
Wide Receiver: One season after being drafted in the first round, Laszlo Forty-Two graduated from the DSFL and made the jump to the starting lineup alongside James Bishop. His polar opposite in age, Brad Pennington, served as McDummy’s third receiver target. With McDummy’s league-lowest yardage output, however, neither new addition cracked 500 yards and only Pennington found the endzone on one of the team’s seven total touchdown throws.
Tight End: Joshua Palmer stole Balthazar Crindy’s spotlight as the tight end of choice and certainly made more out of his share of production, going for nearly twice the yardage on only nine more receptions. They both suffered from the same dearth of volume that crippled the productivity of the receiver corps, outgaining only a Liberty team with no human tight ends on the roster.
Defensive Line: The Yeti rolled out a primarily 3-3-5 nickel formation with only a trio of contributors in the trenches. Rookie Bubba Thumper proved the star of the show, and despite being a tackle he led the whole group in tackles and sacks. His two compatriots were the two lead players of the year prior, since Odell Marrett and Frasier Crane were both now resting in a retirement home.
Secondary: One might immediately notice the absence of long-time starting cornerback Beau Montgomery in the lineup. The Yeti traded Montgomery away midseason to the Outlaws, ending five and a half seasons of service and moving safety Quentin Sinclair into the cornerback position beside Lejune. Jonathan Towers returned after a year’s hiatus to fill free safety, new addition Martavius Mack (@Pizza-faith) took over strong safety, and previous strong safety Knute Knurtsson played the nickel role.
Special Teams: The days of positional stability under McCormick and Leg were long gone at kicker. Joshua Jones II was the team’s newest fill-in, and like many of his forebears he provided below-average value for his effort. Even before the trade that sent Montgomery away, his split of the kick returns was handed over to Lejune, who still commanded a totality of punt return snaps.
In an exciting rookie debut, Laszlo Forty-Two led the entire team in yards and tied for the lead in catches during Colorado’s Week 1 visit to Yellowknife. Less exciting was the fact that those values were 35 and two, respectively. McDummy’s sophomore leap proved more of a slump as he completed less than half of his attempts and threw an interception, relying on scores from Taffy and Carrasco to keep the game in hand. In the end, turnovers secured by Lejune and Sinclair and the efforts of the ground game weren’t enough to contain the Wraiths, 31-23.
The team’s next matchup didn’t even give the illusion of a close bout. Chicago visited the Rocky Mountain State and decimated the Yeti 35-3, moving the ball almost at will. Colorado comparatively struggled to get off the ground, relying heavily on feeding Taffy to mixed results and accomplishing nothing of note in the air. McDummy added two more interceptions to his season total, which he avoided successfully in Week 3 against the Hawks. But he didn’t do much positive either, and Taffy again suffered terrible efficiency on his plentiful carries. Lejune’s kickoff return touchdown provided some dazzle in the 40-20 loss.
With McDummy playing on the level of Nicholas Pierno (who received one vote for the Hall of Fame in the S16 ballot) and having yet to exceed 150 yards, the community would be forgiven for assuming another season flirting with a 0-13 record was on the table. Luckily, the Second Line would come along and give the Yeti a hand. McDummy still didn’t throw any touchdowns, but he finally had success feeding his receivers and driving the ball down the field. Carrasco and Taffy carried the offense with three scores to a 27-13 victory, the Yeti’s first of the season.
The true shock came the next week in Philadelphia when McDummy spontaneously decided to play like a real quarterback. He threw three touchdowns, nearly half of his total for the entire season, and no interceptions even when getting outpaced significantly in yardage by his counterpart on the field. The key to Colorado’s second consecutive victory manifested through a few lucky breaks: Quentin Sinclair’s near-pick-six feeding into a short score, a missed Liberty field goal, and a potential game-winning drive running out of time in the red zone. Given maybe 30 additional seconds, the Liberty likely could have swung the 31-27 score in their favor. But it was Colorado’s day to win.
Quote:Laszlo does not believe this team can make play-offs. Maybe in with slim case but only puny and weak people delude themselves beyond belief. However, we will aim for as many wins as possible and soon league and rest of the players will be wanting to hop on the new Colorado Yeti in the future.
The new Colorado Yeti would be changing in an important way much sooner than expected. Unfortunately, it was not a strictly positive development. Fatigue takes its toll on everyone eventually, and real-life uncertainty was beginning to prove distracting to infinite. He found himself unable to invest time into testing and roster management that he needed for more important matters. In short, after many, many seasons, infinite would be stepping down from the GM role in Colorado.
He knew his preferred successor immediately – Frick. The star of the team’s S15 draft class, Frick had already been in Head Office, first as intern and then as full member, for months as well as working as the DSFL simmer and streamer. Many saw Frick as a likely candidate to eventually replace Dwyer as league commissioner. That outcome would simply be intolerable to infinite, and so he approached Frick with the job offer of GM, poaching his talents from league management.
Once infinite stepped down at the end of the season, Frick would assume the Head GM role with Bwestfield as his co. Almost every GM would simply announce this outcome in one fell swoop. However, infinite felt an apparent need for the theatrical – as he had done before at times, like when he position switched to quarterback – and coordinated a media blitz between himself, Frick, C9Van, and woelkers all creating in-character articles. Over a few days, the league was privy to the dramatic firing of GM Malmouf Silvers and Head Coach Micycle McCormick, McCormick’s family’s subsequent purchase of the team and his instatement as President of Football Operations, and the hiring of new coach and co-GM Tom Ozzborne.
Quote:Linebacker Mo Berry took to his Instagram going live, “F*** Owner Footson and his petty beef between him and Silvers. None of this has anything to do with McCormick and our performances this season. We have already doubled our wins from last year and there is still 6 games left in the season. #JusticeforMicycle”
Quote:Mr. Forty-Two know how to snap the bones of his enemies without resulting in death. Human body does not like when joints go the other way. Owner will fix this mess so Laszlo can focus on getting better and helping this team improve like Colorado Yeti have been or Laszlo will end him.
Quote:"I can't say I'm happy about this decision," said Thumper, his standard goofy grin replace by a much more somber expression, "Malmouf and Micycle are a large part of the reason I am here, and despite what their record might show, they made for a solid duo to run this organization".
By the time the saga came to its dramatic conclusion, two more games had already been played and any semblance of momentum completely vanished. McDummy’s sabbatical from turnovers continued with another touchdown, but his abysmal completion percentage and lackluster yardage made offense difficult to generate. The Hawks, in comparison, put up a scoring clinic and embarrassed the Yeti defense 31-13, even with Sinclair pulling another interception. That pick was one of only three incompletions Baltimore threw all day.
Things got even worse in Week 7. James Bishop reached 105 yards, almost as much as every other offensive player combined, and McDummy completed only thirteen of his 32 attempts. Mo Berry forced and recovered a fumble, the defense’s sole turnover, starting a drive that ended with a missed field goal. It was just one of those types of games. Chicago easily prevailed 33-3, nursing a comfortable lead all game and thwarting the pitiful efforts of the Yeti with ease. Colorado’s dream of a miraculous turnaround seemed killed in the crib.
Their playoff hopes were essentially wiped out at the season midpoint with only six games to play and a conference-leading Wraiths squad next on the docket. Thankfully, Colorado’s outlook was not quite as dismal as similar bottom feeders like the Liberty. After all, they were still a very young team clearly early in a rebuild, had proven at least that the team had improved since Season 16, and now stood to manage a successful transition of management to their young core. The victories off the field mattered much more than those on the field.
Of course, victories on the field were not entirely off the table, as the stunned Wraiths would soon learn. The Yeti offense was not great, but it proved serviceable enough to land within field goal range enough times to put up points. It was the defense whose efforts truly shined. Berry got a sack and deflected the ball four times, McCoy pulled in a fourth-quarter interception, and Montgomery batted down five passes. The undoubted hero of the hour, however, was Lejune. He scored both a kickoff return touchdown and a pick-six, providing fourteen needed points and putting the Yeti up late. Yellowknife’s buzzer beater touchdown drive to send the game to overtime ended with a missed extra point, capping off a 20-19 upset.
Colorado stunned the league with an earthshattering mid-season inactive bid for their own S16 draftee, Judas Iscariot, whose contract had lapsed after one year. This momentous, stunning development overshadowed the less consequential event of the week, that being Colorado’s Week 9 22-17 victory against the Liberty. Both a touchdown and an interception flew from McDummy’s hands, managing a productive offense both on the ground and through the air. With Lejune and Knurtsson contributing picks, Colorado answered every score from the Liberty in kind and eventually took the lead midway through the fourth, a lead that remained unchanged until time expired.
Surprisingly, the Yeti were now 4-5 and only one game out of a playoff spot. A more impatient management might have looked to accelerate the team’s progress by buying pieces at the trade deadline. Colorado opted instead to sell. The piece burning a hole in their wallet was Beau Montgomery, one of the team’s premier S12 draftees and a cornerback still a season away from regression. Dangles was only partially active by this point, and so Colorado took the chance to sell him to an Arizona squad looking for secondary help and get further value from the upcoming S18 Draft.
![[Image: 2uAKX8q.png]](https://i.imgur.com/2uAKX8q.png)
In return for Montgomery, the Yeti gained a third and fifth in the draft as well as inactive S15 safety Martavius Mack. The S18 draft class was not quite as big as the ground-breaking wave three seasons prior, but it was still a much larger pool of active prospects than normal and both picks promised to yield value if Colorado could make smart selections. This was generally viewed as an equitable exchange for both parties, even if some thought the Yeti could've wrestled higher value picks in return for Montgomery.
The imminent loss of Dangles in the locker room seemed to take the wind out of the team's sails. Hosting the Otters in Week 10, Colorado was utterly flattened on all fronts, 37-7. McDummy threw one touchdown late in the fourth, hardly salvaging an abysmal four interception effort that gave him a career-low 24.4 passer rating. Taffy did all he could to move the ball along, and the only bright spot on defense ironically came from Montgomery scooping an interception in his second-to-last on-field performance for the team that drafted him.
His encore in Week 11 did not come with any notable stats, a trait shared by most of his team. McDummy played a clean game but only threw twelve total completions with Taffy struggling to pick up the slack like usual, resulting in Colorado gaining only nine first downs to Austin's 23 and 221 total yards to their 474. The 24-21 final score ended surprisingly close despite their issues, due mainly to an interception by Sinclair and a pick-six by Knurtsson. At the end of this disastrous double header, the 4-7 Yeti were now officially out of the playoff race.
Even without Montgomery, though, they were still determined to antagonize those teams that were playoff-bound. Arizona found this out the hard way in Week 12. In Colorado's easiest win of the entire season, they dominated the Outlaws 30-13. Arguably two of their most important season contributors, Taffy and Sinclair, led the way. Taffy rushed for an even 100 yards and found the endzone thrice, while Sinclair stole a trio of passes from the air and took one in for a touchdown. Along with another pick by Mack, fresh off the Arizona bus, the team simply played their hearts out. It was a potential preview of seasons to come if Colorado's rebuild could stick the landing.
Of course, seasons to come were not the same as the season here and now. San Jose visited Colorado in the Week 13 finale intent on reminding them of that fact. The home team accomplished almost nothing at all, outpaced thoroughly in both dimensions of the game and given no quarter by the Sabercats offense. Colorado's passing game closed out the season in typical McDummy fashion, completing only eleven passes for double digit yardage and no scores. Thumper had a good effort with three tackles for loss and a sack, but this hardly made a dent in the 44-10 outcome. It was a downer ending to a season otherwise filled with promise and potential.
When a team's wins increase fivefold from one season to the next, it communicates both a rough starting position and a dramatic improvement. The players and management viewed making the playoffs next year as an achievable goal. Pretty much every notable starter was still young and coming into their own; even McDummy, miserable as he had been, wouldn't play like garbage forever. The task of transitioning into the future fell into the hands of the new management duo taking power.
Four players made the Pro Bowl: Berry, Sinclair, Jones II, and Lejune (at kick returner). Sinclair had additional accolades coming his way; after a great season with two sacks, ten deflections, and a league-leading seven picks, he won Breakout Player of the Year and also won the Performance of the Year award for his three-interception affair in Week 12.
Of course, the opening of the offseason accompanied the opening of Colorado's wallet. Lejune earned a hefty $12 million extension through Season 20, perhaps to assure him that he wouldn't meet the same fate as his draftmate Montgomery. Pennington, Wright, Sachs, Mack, McCoy, Towers, and Harris Jr. signed inactive extensions, with Iscariot, Longshaw, and Sandoval Jr. following suit soon afterwards and Carrasco and Crindy auto-retiring.
The Yeti also released recently drafted backup quarterback Jordan McCann and replaced him with a far better option, the legendary semi-divine Gimmy Jarappolo (@jimmyGOAT10). Jarappolo ascended from third-string to second-string with the surprise return and retirement of Longshaw. This would be the last day dropbear ever posted on the forums. Wright also retired.
More extensions came with the end of the playoffs. Joshua Palmer, recently rechristened as Armor King, signed for three years and $3 million. Forty-Two earned twice as much money for the same contract duration. Finally, the GMs gave another $6 million out to their young quarterback McDummy, the first major mistake of Frick's tenure.
Quote:For me, the most glaring holes are on defense. Their defensive line looks absolutely desolate and is in desperate need of some additions right now. The secondary looks rough at best and it will be absolutely collapsing in the near future. Addressing it sooner than later is an absolute mess. They need some depth at the skill positions on offense, but I don’t think it's as big of a need at the moment. This team is on the edge of competing, they just need something to push them over that edge.
Luckily, Colorado was not wanting for options to fill their roster holes. The S18 class was ripe and plentiful, and the Yeti sat pretty with the fourth overall selection. Once they were on the clock, the debate mainly rested between grabbing secondary help with cornerback Louisiana Purchase (@Modern_Duke), safety Pete Parker (@jsteele14), or cornerback Korrin Abernathy or filling up the backfield with running back Marcella Toriki (@bex). Woelkers was the biggest advocate for drafting bex, despite the lessened positional importance.
![[Image: Ef0A2A4.png]](https://i.imgur.com/Ef0A2A4.png)
Ultimately, the Yeti decided to pass on bex, who wasn't max earning and who they believed might slip to their second-round selection. Duke was therefore the obvious choice for a roster starved of cornerbacks.
Pick 4 – Louisiana Purchase, CB @Modern_Duke
Pick 8 – Pete Parker, S @jsteele14
Pick 20 – Steco Ocewilder, TE @soppychico
Pick 38 – Michael Vincent, RB @sapp2013
Pick 44 – Trae Bacon, DT @RobCubed
Pick 64 – Ram Bunchess, DE @DesireeLove97
Pick 74 – Big Mac, DT @tweety_bird
Pick 84 – Lucky Dickerson, K @Alienf00d
Pick 94 – Joseph Tom, OL @Pooplouge
Pick 104 – Abashai Williams, DT @himynameisroy
Bex didn't even last a single pick further before getting selected at fifth overall. No matter; with Taffy already in the lead back role, running back wasn't as big of a concern as the Yeti's other holes. Colorado did see value in grabbing a second premium prospect in their sparse secondary and made a trade with Arizona, acquiring their first for the price of a second and the Outlaws' third from the earlier Montgomery trade. With their new selection they were able to snatch up Parker.
The Yeti weren't content with staying out of the second round. Soon they made another exchange, this time with Orange County, moving up four spots from their third to the last pick of the round and giving up an S19 first as payment. Soppychico was an immediate boost to the locker room's activity, as Duke, Jsteele, and the draft pick after him would also prove to be. In one final trade up, Colorado gave up both of their fifths to move up to Arizona's fourth and select sapp in his grand return to the Rocky Mountain State.
Pretty much everyone thought highly of Colorado's draft haul. Purchase, Parker, and Ocewilder were great earners and well-respected users, and them and sapp would provide another spark to an already active young squad. The rookie contracts they inked ranged wildly from the barebones $3 million Purchase deal and conservative $5.5 million for Vincent to a hefty $9 million for Ocewilder and Parker extorting the franchise for an incredibly lucrative $15 million deal.
Aside from the unsuccessful pursuit of free agent running back Jeffery Murphy (@WALDO), the last major event of the offseason for Colorado was a rather funny punishment. Infinite, being the clumsy fool that he was, made a mistake in the budget spreadsheet when adding McDummy's rookie contract onto the books that accidentally changed the formula in use and didn't count his contract against the cap. As a result, the Yeti were actually $1 million over the cap back in Season 16.
Infinite self-reported his transgression to HO and received the appropriate punishment, costing the franchise $2 million in Season 18 cap space as per the rule book to compensate. Leniency on how they would adjust to be cap compliant was granted because of the timing and because of infinite bringing it up himself. Nonetheless, he was never forgiven in the halls of Colorado for his crime and Yeti players can be heard cursing his name to this very day.
With a bad defense slated for serious improvement and a horrid offense slated to improve at least marginally, Colorado was popularly projected to hover just above the company of other bad teams like the Liberty, Butchers, and Sabercats. Would this be enough to squeak out a playoff spot? League consensus saw Season 18 as a particularly lopsided affair, each conference considered a two-horse race with the Wraiths and Hawks in the NSFC and the Outlaws and Otters in the ASFC. But there were three tickets to the postseason up for grabs, and the Yeti thought that the last spot had their name written all over it.
![[Image: 0MBIalb.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/0MBIalb.jpg)
Season 18
"I'm not going to lie, I was disappointed."
Not since Season 10 had the Yeti offense had this few changes year-over-year. Basically every contributor outside of Bishop and Pennington was a young buck, and only Pennington was feeling the wrath of regression. The defense, meanwhile, had its usual carousel of players as new additions joined the team and veterans shifted places to accommodate the new 4-2 nickel package.
Running Back: Despite coming fourth in the league in rushing yards, Taffy actually had his worst ground production since his rookie year with 897 yards and three scores. A lot of the slack was filled by an explosion through the air, adding 560 yards and another trio of touchdowns to his stats. Rookie Michael Vincent was an effective complement, coming close in both carries and yards in the rushing game.
Defensive Line: For the first time in forever, half of the defensive front was composed of active players. The new primary edge threat was the second-round rookie Steco Ocewilder, who position switched to defensive end right after being drafted at the behest of a Yeti organization settled at tight end and severely lacking in the trenches. He tied for fifth in the league with nine tackles for loss. Inactive draft legend Trae Bacon also joined the crew as Thumper's new partner up the middle.
Secondary: The least valuable members of last season's secondary were crowded out of playing time by Colorado's pair of first-round rookies, Louisiana Purchase and Pete Parker. Purchase assumed the starting cornerback position beside Sinclair, with Lejune moved into the nickelback spot. Meanwhile Parker went to take pictures of Spider-Man deep in the back seven with Knurtsson as the strong safety counterpart, the Harry to his Peter.
Special Teams: For the billionth season in a row, Colorado played a new kicker. Harris Jr. was not quite as gifted as his father, near the bottom of the league for accuracy in both extra points and field goals and posting the worst punting average of his peers. To Harris's credit, all of his missed field goals came from the 40+ yard range.
If the Yeti were in the mood for something interesting, it's hard to imagine a better start than their Week 1 opener against the Liberty. By halftime, McDummy had already thrown his first interception of the season and the team faced a 16-3 deficit. Then the momentum shifted. Sinclair picked up right where he left off the season prior, nabbing two picks that both facilitated touchdown drives ending with Bishop and King scores. Along with Vincent running in for a fourth-quarter touchdown, the Yeti were able to overcome a 26-13 hole with less than a quarter to go and pulled out a 27-26 victory.
Nothing quite as victorious happened the next week when Colorado visited the Hawks. Lejune deflected four passes, but that did not stop the Baltimore passing game from crossing 400 yards and four touchdowns with two more scores surrendered on the ground to boot. McDummy by comparison completed only half of his attempts and threw a pair of touchdowns to match a pair of interceptions, one of which was a pick-six. Lejune completing one of his signature kickoff return touchdowns came far too late into the 55-20 blowout to change the outcome whatsoever.
The exact opposite sort of loss came in Week 3. The Butchers scored an early touchdown, but from then on, the two teams were locked in a desperate wrestling fight where scores came not from flashy plays but from field goals and safeties. With no turnovers on either side, the difference boiled down to whichever team could grab enough points to put the game away, which the Butchers eventually did, 13-8. Berry grabbing the safety in question was pretty much the only highlight play for the losing team.
In contrast, highlight plays colored the next game to a startling degree. New Orleans' first drive was interrupted by a Pete Parker pick six, and it only took another few minutes for Colorado to double their lead with a 77-yard Bishop bomb. The Second Line tried to counter with actual offense, but the Yeti weren't having it – Sinclair punctuated the second quarter with the team's second pick six, with him, Parker, and Knurtsson grabbing additional interceptions. When the defense totaled thirteen deflections and five turnovers, even McDummy's errant aim couldn't prevent a 30-20 victory.
Jealous of missing the pick six train, Berry decided to add one in Week 5 against Yellowknife. Unfortunately, Berry's score only came once the Yeti were already down 24-3. McDummy was tired of not throwing to the wrong team, his receivers not named Bishop were presumably tired of not breaking 30 yards, and the defense was tired of bailing out their counterparts. It eventually came out to a 24-13 outcome, since the Wraiths also seemed tired of running up the score.
Thankfully the offense returned to form when visiting the Butchers. Better than that, in fact. Crossing 300 yards, two touchdowns, and a 101.7 passer rating made McDummy's effort extraordinary by his standards, an effort needed when Chicago managed to score two return touchdowns. When the game went into overtime, Gabagool picked off the Butchers on the first play and set up the winning quarterback scramble, 30-24.
Only one thing could be better than an overtime game, and that would be two back-to-back. Taffy and Bishop led the way on offense, while Purchase and Parker combined for three interceptions. Unfortunately, Baltimore still managed to keep their lead from growing too out of control and tied the score with three seconds to go in regulation. The Yeti got lucky from the incompetence of the Hawks, who decided to go for a fourth-and-two on Colorado's 32 instead of trying a game-winning field goal. Harris Jr. wouldn't return the favor, kicking his third 47-yard goal of the game to win 25-22. (25 and 22 also add to 47. Pomona number!)
The 4-3 Colorado Yeti now sat in second place for the NSFC playoff picture. Most of the league didn't fully buy what they saw. By pretty much every major statistical measure, the Yeti were solidly in the bottom half of the league. They had a negative point differential, won two games in overtime, and relied on the services of a pretty terrible quarterback. Fluky outcomes might have delivered victories, but eventually the pendulum would swing the other way.
Case in point, the Week 8 loss to Philly. When field goals were all Colorado had to offer, with yet another McDummy passer rating in the low 40s, the Liberty very easily swamped them. Lejune, Parker, and Sinclair notching turnovers helped to stem the bleeding somewhat, but only enough to keep it a 30-9 defeat. The same margin of defeat came about in the second matchup with Yellowknife. Inexplicably, despite matching the Wraiths beat for beat in yardage, first downs, passer rating, and turnovers, the Yeti were outscored 28-7. Truly, luck is a fickle thing.
Next came a cross-conference matchup against Orange County, which continued the losing streak with a 34-24 final score. Forty-Two, Bishop, and Taffy led the team through the air with very satisfying 77-, 44-, and 33-yard efforts. Purchase also continued a promising rookie campaign with two deflections and an interception, joined in the deflections by Sinclair's steady hand. None of their efforts could stop the Otters from pouring on 20 unanswered points after halftime to turn a competitive game into a snooze fest.
In a Week 11 rematch of the Toilet Bowl and of the S16 quarterbacks, Austin came out on top. The duel between McDummy and Easton Cole was, despite the latter's far better season, evenly matched with a trio of touchdowns for each and no interceptions. Unfortunately Vincent coughed up the ball deep in Colorado territory in the game's only turnover, the running game was inefficient otherwise, and the Yeti went three-and-out in the fourth needing a touchdown drive to win. The Copperheads stole the ball for the rest of the game and extracted revenge 30-21.
It seemed for a moment that the losses might end against Arizona. Despite falling behind early, the Yeti clawed back from a two-score deficit after halftime and went up by six late in the game. Their pass defense then surrendered a 49-yard strike that leapfrogged the Outlaws into friendly territory and eventually fed into the comeback touchdown run. By the skin of their teeth, Colorado lost 27-26 and skid to a 4-8 record after five straight defeats.
Amazingly, they still sat in a favorable position. Yellowknife and Baltimore had clinched playoff spots, but the 4-8 Butchers and 3-9 Liberty were in similar states of disrepair. If the Yeti won their Week 13 bout in San Jose, they'd be in; if they lost, they'd need both other teams to lose or for the Liberty to win but score at least 12 points less than the Yeti. The Sabercats were the worst team in the ASFC. Surely Colorado couldn't blow it?
They did not blow it. Indeed, it was their first blow-out victory all season, a 31-6 triumph whose outcome was assured from the moment Bishop took the game's opening kickoff back for a touchdown. McDummy failed to hit the broad side of a barn, but he didn't need to with the stellar Taffy and Vincent backfield crossing 208 yards on only 32 carries. Lejune also showed off with a pair of picks, punctuated by sacks from Berry, Thumper, and Bacon. The comfortable outcome gave Colorado plenty of time to bask in their victory and rejoice in their first return trip to the postseason since losing the Season 13 Ultimus.
Then the Yeti played a real team and were reminded of why they only barely snuck into the ring. Baltimore brutalized Colorado from the jump, shutting them out 31-0. McDummy's 34.9 rating was the worst playoff quarterback performance since Season 3, completing just over a third of his attempts and completing two of them to the wrong team. Bishop and Vincent took advantage of every opportunity afforded to them, but this simply wasn't meant to be the Yeti's night. Contention was still a ways down the road.
Colorado's playoff push seemed premature. The roster was still not quite ripe enough to hang with the juggernauts of the league. Power rankings towards the end of the season consistently placed them at the bottom of the barrel, only matched in misery by teams like the Liberty and Sabercats. Still, when six of ten teams make the playoffs each year, some lucky breaks and a league-best turnover ratio is all they needed to enjoy some time in the sun. Some Yeti players even saw the team as being better than the season had shown.
Thumper, Berry, Sinclair, Parker, and Lejune all earned berths at the Pro Bowl, the last of them as a kick returner. Some other awards would also be headed their way. Thumper won Defensive Lineman of the Year and Berry won Linebacker of the Year, the first for each in their young careers. Pete Parker took home Defensive Rookie of the Year for deflecting nine passes and intercepting five, tied for fourth in the league.
Once the regression reaper rolled around, Sachs, Wright, and Pennington all fell into oblivion. Those inactives whose time had not yet come – Mack, McCoy, Bacon, Harris Jr., and Towers – were given the usual single-season extensions. But for the first time in forever, the primary news of the Yeti offseason did not come from extending existing players. Colorado was getting busy in free agency.
The first call seemed to come from inside the house. After publicly expressing disappointment in the results of the season, woelkers announced on the day of the Ultimus that he would be opting out of his final contract year and exploring the market. He said that his desire to win a title remained firm and that he wasn't sure exactly if the Yeti would prevent him from doing so. In a free agency already buzzing with a lot of stars on the move, this move was a true bombshell.
But the lone skepticism in the thread, a comment from @White Cornerback that this was “probably a stunt”, was on the right track. This was a coordinated effort from the beginning, with Frick, Bwestfield, and infinite all in communication with woelkers throughout the entire process. The plan was to scope out the dimensions of the free agency market, to see what sorts of moves other teams were planning and report it all to the Yeti war room. Woelkers fielded offers from various GMs, but none were seriously considered.
At least until Yellowknife made contact. @shadyshoelace, the Wraiths GM, was in the process of losing his co-GM to retirement, and his offer seemed from woelkers' perspective to consider him not just as a roster addition but as a GM candidate. Obviously, an opportunity this lucrative was difficult to reject out of hand. Frick and woelkers discussed the offer extensively, with the GM lending his support to whatever path woelkers chose to take. In the end, there was no place like home. Thumper re-signed in Colorado for three more years and $6 million total.
Woelkers' escapades didn't end up retrieving much actionable information. However, that didn’t stop the team from joining the spending circus. One of their notable signings was cornerback Axel Hornbacher, the prodigal son last seen on the roster in Season 14. PDX wanted a nice place to spend his remaining seasons before retirement and approved of the direction the franchise was headed in. Him signing for three years and $12 million provided a huge TPE boost to the team's struggling secondary unit.
Another key free agent was wide receiver Sunnycursed. Dwyer, the current commissioner of the league, would provide a boost to any locker room and another weapon for the young McDummy. He was entering regression for the first time, but even old he would be a severe upgrade from the slot position playing with Bishop and Forty-Two. To top off their pitch, the Yeti presented the following video to Dwyer:
Personally, if I were sent the above video and nothing else, I would still join the team without a second thought. Unfortunately for Colorado, Dwyer did not swoon in the face of their advances, instead inking a $4 million one-year deal with the Wraiths.
But maybe the most important saga of them all was at running back. Two marquee young rushers exercised their player options in the offseason: Ashley Owens and Marcella Toriki. Both Run and bex had been linked to Colorado as serious potential selections in the past two drafts. The team was determined to land at least one, if not both of them for the offense; in a bit of a telling sign, Terry Taffy transitioned early in the offseason from running back to defensive end.
The Yeti also spent loads of time making an all-new and all-original marketing video for both Run and bex, which I cannot share because of a forum limit on videos. Sorry. It's identical to the earlier one.
For Run, leaving Austin was motivated by dissatisfaction with his player performance and a pessimism towards the prospect of winning it all in the near future. He was scouted by many teams, among them Colorado, and their pitch delved heavily into a discussion on what sort of offensive role Owens would play in the scheme. According to Run, the Yeti were the only team among his suitors to offer both a great locker room and a clear vision of his statistical goals.
Run therefore took them up on their offer. The final contract promised $14 million over the next three years, with conditional player options on the later seasons that would kick in should Owens not clear specific benchmarks in his performance on the field. It was both lucrative and flexible, exactly what Run wanted, and he immediately vaulted into the top role of the running back committee. Would bex join him?
Bex's departure from San Jose after only a single season was more contentious. From the moment she announced her free agency, all ten teams contacted her and began to pitch the idea of Toriki joining their rosters. Her venture began with the full intent to return back to San Jose; ironically, woelkers' decision to test the waters as well actually prompted her to seriously consider leaving.
Unlike the Liberty or the Butchers, who waved gobs of contract money at bex as an incentive to take her talents there, the Yeti's primary asset (besides the glorious video shown above) was woelkers, her real-life friend. Reuniting the two was a tempting proposition on both sides, especially since woelkers had early pushed heavily in the S18 Draft to take bex at pick four. Yet bex eventually decided to go to New Orleans on her gut feeling, feeling most confident in their future planning and team communication. It was two years and $10 million.
Quote:You turned down a 20 Million Dollar contract, to take a lesser deal and be stuck as RB2 behind Gump, this is not gonna work out, you would’ve gotten better production in Chicago.
In all the excitement of participating in free agency like a real team that players actually want to come to, the S19 Draft went somewhat under the radar. This was partly because the draft class itself wasn't exactly spectacular and partly because Colorado's first-round selection was in the possession of a different team. The one mock draft article published had the Yeti taking the best pick available, which by the middle of the second round was one of the last active defensive prospects.
Who would they actually go for?
Pick 16 – Jordan Jackson, K @'KanakoTheSquirrel'
Pick 26 – Slim Dusty, CB @dropbear
Neither of those picks belonged to the Yeti when the draft process began. They traded away their only original remaining selection, pick fifteen, to the Second Line in exchange for a second in the S20 Draft and some Season 19 cap space. Then, they acquired Austin's second and third for an S20 third and most of that traded cap space, which were then used on Jackson and Dusty. In essence, they traded down one spot and gained cap space, an S20 trade-up, and an S19 third – not too shabby. Sadly, drafting Dusty did not magically summon the spirit of dropbear back into the realm of activity.
Jackson earned a $9 million frontloaded rookie contract, with bonuses for earning TPE during the season, while Dusty landed a one-year inactive gig. Jackson decided against coming up to the big leagues in their first season and stayed down a year for the Luchadores. Harris Jr. would be the first kicker since Kyle Corbett to start more than one season in a row for the Yeti.
The hierarchy of power in the NSFC didn't appear to be in danger of changing. Yellowknife was still widely viewed as the conference's top dog, with Baltimore behind them and Chicago in the cellar. It was popularly projected that the Yeti would repeat as the third-place wildcard team. This did not, however, mean that they would remain stagnant. It is almost burdensome to continue repeating, but Colorado was a young roster on the rise. There were now stars dotted across the entire roster, big free agents had chosen to play there, and their trajectory pointed upwards towards endless possibility.
![[Image: T47lokV.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/T47lokV.jpg)
Season 19
"Even with the under-performing losses, we're right on the edge of greatness I feel."
After eighteen seasons of operation, the Colorado Yeti franchise was now officially an adult. Despite coming out of the gate larger than its peers, it suffered a difficult adolescence plagued by trauma and loss and spent its teenage years recovering from poorly made decisions of its youth. Yet it had indeed recovered, picked up the pieces, and now moved towards bigger and better things in the next stage of its life. The promise of a hopeful future illuminated the path forward, just like how I promise not to belabor this flimsily constructed metaphor further.
Running Back: Ashley Owens was one of the marquee additions of the offseason and certainly arrived like one, taking over the lead running back role from Taffy with sophomore Vincent by his side. He managed to barely crack 1000 yards and nine touchdowns on the ground, complemented handsomely by nearly 600 additional receiving yards and another five scores. Vincent's flexibility often moved him to tight end, fullback, or lead rusher in certain situations, which also meant Owens could be moved out to receiver. This was also the first season where McDummy began to contribute substantially to the rushing game with 354 yards.
Wide Receiver: One could be forgiven for forgetting Jim McMahon was even on the roster. However, with Pennington in the grave and no other receivers or backup tight ends to speak of, McMahon became McDummy's fourth target of choice behind his receiver companions and Owens through the air, even reaching 519 yards and a trio of touchdowns on over 11 yards a reception.
Defensive Line: The fresh face on the block was Terry Taffy. After four years in the backfield, Taffy switched positions to great effect, notching fourteen tackles for loss and four sacks. Ocewilder also profited from his high-TPE teammate and went for eight tackles for loss with six sacks. Meanwhile, Thumper reached double-digit sacks, more than any other defensive tackle in the league.
Secondary: This was the best all-around secondary roster in Colorado's recent history. At the primary cornerback role, Hornbacher slotted back into his old digs, resulting in Sinclair moving to the secondary corner role and Purchase playing in the nickel. Lejune continued his long-running odyssey across the defense by moving to strong safety. The improvements made in this area improved the team's pass defense immensely compared to the year prior.
Special Teams: Colorado's return situation got a complete overhaul this season. McMahon and Owens split kick returns, with the former receiving a slight majority of the available snaps, while McMahon returned every punt.
Colorado opened the season at home hosting the Copperheads and opened the game with a Sinclair interception on the first play from scrimmage that led to an easy Vincent touchdown. After this explosive start, the game settled into a back-and-forth scrimmage with each team trading blows and the lead. The defense was able to suppress Austin's offense quite well, with Berry notching a safety and two sacks and Lejune grabbing an additional interception. Indeed, Berry closed the game out with a deflection and tackle short of the sticks that ended the last two downs of Austin's game-winning attempt in the red zone. The Yeti won 22-17.
Another defensive tour de force led to the season's second win in Philadelphia. McDummy did all he could to throw the game away as usual, putting up a 41.0 rating and two picks while Owens did his best to funnel offense through his legs and hands. But the defense prevented the Liberty from capitalizing. Berry and Hornbacher got interceptions, and the entire team gathered nine deflections and three sacks to boot. It was hardly the most exciting spectacle, but the 16-7 win was still a win.
Finally, against the Butchers, both sides of the ball came to play. Colorado stole away two picks and a safety, holding Chicago to only thirteen points. Meanwhile, the offense hummed thanks to McDummy's best game as a starter in his career to this point, throwing four touchdowns, leading the entire team with 118 rushing yards, and taking in another touchdown on the ground. The easy 43-13 victory put the undefeated Yeti at 3-0 and the top perch in the conference.
Every game so far had been played against teams projected for the bottom half of the standings. In Week 4, Colorado's mettle was tested by the reigning NSFC champion Wraiths. For the first three quarters, the team held up, seizing the initiative with every score and putting up four total touchdowns with a 27-19 lead. None of this momentum carried into the fourth, with the offense crumbling under pressure and the defense surrendering too many chunk plays to stop the Wraiths from scoring. By a 33-27 margin, the Yeti suffered their first loss.
An even worse choke came against the Baltimore Hawks the next week. Touchdowns to Bishop and King helped put the team up 17-3 by halftime. Whatever Baltimore did in the locker room to recover worked wonders, because the Yeti never scored again and found themselves on the wrong end of 26 unanswered points. The blame couldn't even be put on McDummy as reliably as before; it was a complete offensive collapse. Colorado fell to 3-2 after the 29-17 result, reeling from losses to the two best teams in the NSFC. It appeared they still weren't on that level.
Thankfully, they had teams like the Butchers to cure any malady. Their Week 6 bout wasn't quite as explosive as the prior matchup, but Colorado still won comfortably 27-10 and halted the short losing streak. Some stars came to play, like Hornbacher with three deflections, Lejune with a pick, and Forty-Two with 119 receiving yards. Some did not, like Berry having two deflections but also only two tackles. Most were just happy to take the victory.
Over this stretch of the season, the Yeti learned not to take a lead for granted, which came back into relevance when hosting the Liberty. McDummy played a clean game with touchdowns to Forty-Two and McMahon, while the triple-headed backfield all split snaps roughly evenly to decent effect. Once they went up 20-9 in the early fourth, however, the choking commenced. Philly cut into the lead with a field goal and then drove down for a late attempt at overtime, scoring on a touchdown with less than two minutes… and failing the two-point conversion. Sighs of relief could be heard throughout all of Colorado once the 20-18 game ended.
Seven games down, six to go, and the Yeti had already matched their win total from the entire past season. This record also put them tied for control of the conference with the Hawks and one ahead of the Wraiths. Running sim tests through the end of the season, infinite projected the team to fall just short of the other two teams but to split their remaining matches and end up with a comfortable eight victories. Colorado's two losses so far being to Yellowknife and Baltimore, however, put a damper on any outside chance of stealing home-field.
![[Image: nj8njVL.png]](https://i.imgur.com/nj8njVL.png)
One of those rematches gave the Yeti their third loss of the season. Visiting Yellowknife in Week 8, Colorado fell behind early thanks to an onslaught of touchdowns and were unable to ever retake the game tempo. This wasn't the fault of McDummy, who played another clean game with four touchdowns and no turnovers, or a lack of highlight plays from the defense, like the three picks by Berry and Parker. Unfortunately the rushing game never got going, everyone else on the defense fell flat, and Yellowknife just kept putting up scores. A buzzer beater touchdown shrank the margin of defeat, 37-32.
The energy was quite a bit lower in Colorado's next game. New Orleans didn't go crazy on the points, with most coming from alternate-reality-Yeti Toriki, but Colorado didn't either. The jets on the passing offense came off a little, and while Owens and McDummy snagged scores on the ground, McDummy also threw an interception with the team knocking on the Second Line redzone. After that pick, neither side managed to gain points, and Colorado suffered their only out-of-conference loss with a 20-14 final score.
No one quite knew what to truly make of the Yeti at 5-4; one statistical power rankings put them third in the league, another put them third from the bottom. They still controlled their playoffs destiny because of the head-to-head bouts with Philadelphia, but they needed to either win out or have some Hawks and Liberty matchups go their way to secure a trip. Perhaps some help from Antonio Sandoval Jr. might help. After his contract expired last offseason and after sitting out half the year, Sandoval Jr. signed a three-year, $1.5 million contract through Season 21.
That dream of winning out died out quite quickly. Baltimore destroyed the visiting Yeti 41-6 in Week 10 despite not outpacing them significantly in total yardage. But while the Hawks converted their possessions into touchdowns, Colorado's long drives ended twice in turnovers on downs in opposing territory, a missed field goal, and one McDummy interception. Now the Yeti were 5-5 and had no conference games remaining on their schedule, meaning that playoffs would come down to whether they could match records with the 5-5 Liberty.
Luckily, the team came to play in San Jose. McDummy tossed four touchdowns on only fourteen attempts for a near-perfect 152.2 rating, the highest of his entire career, to Bishop, Forty-Two, and Owens. Owens also scored twice on the ground despite less than stellar averages, and combined this avalanche of points was enough to bury the Sabercats, 41-20.
In the much closer game against Arizona, the passing game took a backseat to the two-headed backfield, led predominantly by Owens' 123 yards on 23 carries and two combined touchdowns. The defense forced a number of settled field goals and stole the ball thanks to Sinclair's hands, but two missed short field goals had the Yeti down 16-14 in the fourth. Luckily, Harris Jr. calmed down enough to force through the chip shot game-winner, netting a 17-16 win for the team. And because the Liberty dropped their Week 12 matchup, Colorado could at worst end the season with the same record and therefore locked in their playoff ticket.
There were no stakes, therefore, for the season closer at home against the Otters. The Yeti took the opportunity to scrimmage against a playoff team and came out looking excellent, beating their opponent 44-14. McDummy ended the regular season by continuing his much-improved play, throwing three touchdowns to only one interception and guiding the ground game to three more. Orange County only managed five first downs on the entire day. This was a beatdown of a finale and secured an 8-5 record on the season, the franchise's best win percentage since Season 9.
Of course, in the story of the Colorado Yeti, what goes up must always come down. Their perennial playoff bully, the Baltimore Hawks, were up once again to make sure their rivals from the Rockies never made it past the first round. Colorado didn't score in the wildcard round until they were down 23-0 in the third and afterwards could never get the bleeding on defense to stop even as they scored. McDummy completed exactly half of his passes for no points, and a pick by Parker and a trio of deflections by Sinclair only somewhat blunted the carnage. It would be a 39-17 defeat that sent the Yeti packing once again into the offseason.
Quote:All the pieces felt like they were in place, we felt like we could really compete with the teams at the top for once. We just didn't play like it when it mattered.
Despite winning three more games than the year prior and looking a lot less shaky on all fronts, Colorado only ended up with four Pro Bowl selections in Bishop, Owens, Thumper, and Berry. McDummy's maturation into a respectable quarterback still could not compete with the league's top signal-callers, but he did split the team's only other award of the offseason, a Performance of the Year recognition for throwing 277 yards and four touchdowns against the Butchers in Week 3.
The early offseason did offer promising signs of the roster's vitality and strength. Colorado had no auto-retiring veterans, only four players total feeling the sting of regression, and only one retirement announcement from tight end King. The GMs also handed out a mere three inactive contracts for the season for Bacon, Mack, and Knurtsson. Instead, the purse was opened up for a pile of star player extensions.
The longest and most expensive of these in terms of total cash were signed by McDummy and Forty-Two, paying them each $4 million annually for the next five seasons. Berry signed a one-year deal worth $5 million, Ocewilder got $3 million total over three years, Parker got $3 million annually for the same duration, and McMahon landed a bizarre deal worth one dollar more than Parker's per year with a $999,999 incentive for scoring a return touchdown. In addition, team mainstays Bishop and Lejune got two years, $8 million and three years, $6 million respectively, contracts that would likely take them through most of their remaining careers.
This emphasis on re-signing their own stars meant that none of the team's money went to grabbing new free agents. The Yeti once again pursued Sunnycursed and Toriki as possible additions, with the former a free agent and the latter possessing a player option on her contract. But it was not to be. Bex extended for a much longer deal with New Orleans, having found a home she was comfortable staying in, and Dwyer retired Sunnycursed a few days after entering free agency.
Now for the S20 Draft. While not quite as shallow as classes like those in S14 or S16, the number of truly exceptional prospects was limited. Colorado would be picking at sixth overall, with an additional late second and no third thanks to previous trades. The mid-round first would in all honesty be their only shot at a long-term contributor, barring a trade. Mock drafts projected them to aim for secondary help, potentially asking for a transition to safety, or to draft a kicker like Venus Powers (@Baron1898) for long-term, Hall-of-Fame level stability. Neither prediction was terribly far off the mark.
Pick 6 – Thor Kirkby, LB @Acsolap
Pick 16 – Silver Banana, K @golden_apricot
Pick 18 – Ben Kenobi, TE @DeathOnReddit
Pick 36 – Pancake Maker, OL @Shaquill
None of these four rookies would be moving up to the big leagues, instead staying down with their DSFL teams (which, for all but Kenobi, was Minnesota). Kirkby signed for an additional $4 million in Season 20 on top of the DSFL-covered $4 million that everyone received, with him, Banana, and Kenobi adding on two more contract seasons worth $500,000 apiece. The hope for Kirkby, and Banana especially, was to add long-term contributors where the team had struggled for consistency or to move them around to positions of need with Kirkby.
Perhaps the grandest sign of growth and closure were the power rankings published before the season by none other than tlk. His first published rankings since the end of Season 9, and the last he ever did before his eventual departure from the league, struck a far different tone than the criticisms and commentary that had once incited such animosity from some Yeti players.
Quote:Last time I wrote them in a spot this high, the Las Vegas Legion were still a team. That says how well they’ve turned stuff around. Yes, I get it top half, but the difference between 1 and 5 and what is separating 8 and 9 is about the same difference. So that says a lot. McDummy was third in passer rating at the end of the season. However, the Yeti need to score more points, and yes I get that is football 101, but out of all the teams with 300 points, the Yeti is lagging, relying heavily on their run game for the touchdowns.
At long last, Colorado's rebuild was over – and not just the rebuild after the Season 13 Ultimus. It could be argued that the franchise had been suffering under one long, tortuous rebuild for nearly the entirety of its existence. The wounds suffered in this time had thoroughly destroyed Colorado's reputation, drove players into inactivity, and prevented the team from ever being able to construct a roster good enough to win an Ultimus. That franchise was the punching bag of the league.
The Yeti were no longer that franchise. This was a real squad, one worthy of respect and one that players wanted to play for. Scars last forever, but they do fade with time, and Colorado's leadership and users had put in the hard work to scrub away lingering wounds. Here, at last, was a real opportunity to exorcise their last, greatest demon and win that all-important title.
Continued in Volume VII
Section Contributors:
@infinitempg
@sapp2013
@woelkers
Sources and Further Reading
RE: The Rockiest Road VI - Starboy - 08-20-2023
This part discussing my retirement as King, sometimes feels like just yesterday. Was not super active and my stats showed that for sure. Considering they started to get really good pretty soon afterwards I think that King was not missed. Felt excited to see the turnaround even if I was just there for a short time
RE: The Rockiest Road VI - WALDO - 08-24-2023
(08-20-2023, 02:28 PM)Baron1898 Wrote: Aside from the unsuccessful pursuit of free agent running back Jeffery Murphy (@WALDO),
why do i not remember this