08-20-2023, 02:29 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-01-2023, 09:12 PM by Mojojojo. Edited 2 times in total.)
The Rockiest Road
Colorado’s Years in the Wilderness
Volume I | Volume II | Volume III | Volume IV | Volume V | Volume VI | Volume VII | Finale
Colorado was no longer a team on the rise. They had earned the respect due a team with real chances and thus inherited the challenge of expectations. Making the playoffs was no longer the goal, it was the baseline. The window was wide open. Now the job was to keep that window open and healthy as the S12 draftees began to wane and the S15 class neared their primes.
The central antagonists in this effort were the Orange County Otters and the Yellowknife Wraiths. The Wraiths had won the NSFC two years running with a killer roster and promised to continue that trend; the Otters, winners of the last three Ultimus games, had retooled their dynasty without skipping a beat. Both were captained by quarterbacks in their prime and stuffed with Pro Bowlers. This was the echelon of talent that Colorado had tried, and failed, to beat in the playoffs before. If they wanted to win that title, they would have to prove that they belonged in that esteemed company.
Volume VII: At the End of the Tunnel
Season 20
"Only now, nearly 15 seasons later, do I feel confident in saying that Colorado is back from the brink and has a team that can compete."
Season 20 was not a year of tremendous roster change for the Yeti. In fact, only one starting member of the previous season's lineup lost their job. But there were a few swappings of talent across the defense as younger players eclipsed their less active elders.
Defensive Line: Taffy lost his position as the team's premier defense end to Ocewiler, who led the unit and the entire team with ten tackles for loss. On the interior, Thumper and Bacon continued to hold down the fort. Thumper tied for second in the entire league with twelve sacks, only beaten by his teammate Berry with fourteen, and also was the only player in the league to grab two safeties.
Secondary: In another reshuffle of a younger star ascending, Purchase finally took the primary cornerback role on the team. Hornbacher moved to the other side of the field with Sinclair playing all over as the nickel defender. Despite this, Hornbacher actually led the team and the whole league in both interceptions and pass deflections, though Purchase wasn't terrible in either regard. Their pass defense as a whole still only ranked third-worst in terms of surrendered yardage.
Special Teams: Silver Banana wouldn't be ready to take up the mantle of kicker for another season. In for now was Jackson, Colorado's other second-round kicker draftee from the year before, who performed pretty well in the kicking game and pretty poorly with the punting. Meanwhile, Berry joined the kick return rotation for a sliver of touches, which mainly came from McMahon's share and which elevated Owens to a plurality of snaps.
What better way to start the year than with a bang? Colorado played host to their conference overlords, the Wraiths, in Week 1 and absolutely buried them with scores. The star of the show was fifth-year signal caller McDummy, who threw for over 300 yards and a pair of touchdowns with no picks. He also dominated the running game, breaking triple digit yardage on only eight carries and adding another score. Along with scampers from Vincent and Owens, plus a McMahon return touchdown, the Yeti swallowed up their visitors 48-20 and made a defiant statement to the rest of the league.
Ahead of their Week 2 road trip to Chicago, the team decided to offload dead weight. They desired more capital in the large upcoming S21 Draft and got it from the Butchers in the form of a fourth-round pick. On their end, the Yeti gave up a fifth in the S22 Draft as well as Martavius Mack and Antonio Sandoval Jr. Both were depth pieces only and better served as trade bait for the struggling Butchers than as valuable contributors to the up-and-coming Yeti. Ironically, the week ended with Colorado getting kicked around by their supposedly inferior hosts handily. Allowing 31 unanswered points after an early lead, the 34-10 result was a sobering reminder of the distance the Yeti still had to go.
The offense wasn't ready to turn the ship around by Week 3, so the defense and special teams did the heavy lifting. Hosting the Hawks, Hornbacher shined with three deflections and two interceptions while Berry stole a pair of sacks. But the true star of the show was Jackson. He booted all four field goal attempts through the uprights, including a 55-yarder, and averaged nearly 50 yards per punt. His scores kept the Yeti afloat through the first three quarters before the offense finally woke up, solidifying an uneasy 26-10 victory.
Colorado found itself in Week 4 on the receiving end of a spectacle. Orange County's quarterback, Franklin Armstrong (@moonlight), went for only eight completions on 26 attempts with one touchdown and interception apiece, outshined significantly in the air by McDummy. Yet the Otters blew them out 41-17. Armstrong ran the ball for touchdowns three times; more astonishingly, two of those scampers were 72 and 81 yards. His 221 yards on only ten carries was at that point the most single-game rushing yards in league history. Forcing such a terrible passing performance and being rewarded with abject humiliation on the ground was more than Colorado could bear.
Thankfully, they were back at home and ready to get a feel-good win. Bishop was the standout performer on the offense against the Liberty, averaging over 20 yards a reception and swiping a touchdown alongside Owens and Forty-Two. The early combination of these scores, a Thumper safety, and Jackson's reliable leg put the team in the driver's seat early and nursing a comfortable 29-3 lead in the third quarter. Philadelphia made brief gestures at a comeback with two touchdown runs, but ultimately the deficit stayed at 29-17 and Colorado stayed ahead of the .500 curve.
In Baltimore the next week, Colorado put forth their worst effort thus far by scoring absolutely no points on offense. Berry shined with two sacks and deflections, Ocewilder and Taffy both grabbed two tackles for losses with a sack, and Purchase exploded for three deflections, two interceptions, and the team's only touchdown. They kept the game from looking like a blowout; the 17-7 loss was nevertheless disastrous. Continuing the home-road alternating schedule was the Chicago rematch. Ex-Yeti Mack only contributed two tackles and two penalties as the hosts sought revenge for their Week 2 embarrassment and turned the matchup into a shootout, in which they prevailed 36-24.
Then came the road trip to Yellowknife, still smarting from their earlier defeat and seeking revenge of their own. Unlike the previous road games, Colorado kept this game close and avoided committing any back-breaking turnovers. They found great success limiting the Wraith passing game and struggled mightily against the run, eventually falling behind two scores. With five minutes to go, Owens ran in a touchdown to cut the deficit to three points and the defense forced a three-and-out. Colorado made it to midfield with plenty of time to set up Jackson for an overtime-forcing kick. Unfortunately, McDummy threw three incomplete passes and the game ended 24-21.
Clearly, this was an uneven squad at best. Sitting at a 4-4 record with a 4-0 mark at home and an 0-4 mark on the road did not bode well for a team currently perched at third in the standings. One game behind the Hawks and one game ahead of the Liberty, the Yeti had plenty of opportunity to improve their position in the final five games of the season. They just needed to get some consistency brewing in a largely cross-conference batch of bouts.
Their last game against their NSFC rivals doubled as their first road win of the entire year. In Philadelphia, the Yeti funneled the offense through the legs of Owens, who did score twice but posted a mediocre yards per carry. Both teams did nothing special performance-wise. Luckily for the Yeti, despite being slightly outpaced by the Liberty in every metric, they still piled on the points late and secured a two-score lead through the end of the game, 29-20. The team now held a secure head-to-head tiebreaker over their biggest threat to missing out on the playoffs.
Colorado added another road win against the Copperheads. The days of these teams slugging it out in the basement of the league were far in the distance; these were now two quarterbacks near their primes, although neither looked like one this game. McDummy did provide the highlight with an 80-yard touchdown rush early in the third, putting Colorado up 21-0, and they needed every one of those points to withstand a furious comeback that fell short with a failed two-point conversion and a missed 41-yard field goal. The Yeti escaped by the skin of their teeth to a 21-19 outcome and a 6-4 record.
Next on the docket was San Jose. This was the team's first true standout win since Week 1. McDummy again put on the burners for a 71-yard touchdown scramble and added four through his arm even while completing less than half of his passes. Berry led a spectacular defensive group effort with thirteen tackles, two sacks, two deflections, and a fumble recovery, with Hornbacher snagging a pick and Ocewilder taking down the Sabercats quarterback for a safety. Colorado actually ended the game with fewer first downs and fewer yards than the Sabercats – largely due to San Jose's punter averaging 27 yards a punt, one of the lowest averages in history – but exacted a monstrous 43-13 statement win in return.
Quote:Good news Yeti! Despite having to climb uphill the entire time, you're technically in first place in the NSFC. You've spent the entire seaosn proving you belong among the best teams in the league with both a solid offense and viable defense. So why do you have that sense of dread? Because you're the Yeti.
Colorado was not only a lock for the playoffs but neck-and-neck with the stumbling Wraiths at 7-4. Since the Hawks and Liberty were at 5-6 and 4-7 respectively, the Yeti could do no worse than the second seed as long as Baltimore dropped another game. They did, in Week 12, but the Yeti had other things to worry about, namely their first home defeat to the Arizona Outlaws in 27-9 fashion. Parker, Hornbacher, and Gabagool racked up seven combined deflections and a pick, but McDummy answered with three turnovers of his own and a paltry 46.7 rating. It was an embarrassing letdown.
Yellowknife punched their top seed ticket with a Week 13 win, so Colorado had absolutely nothing to play for besides the playoff dreams of the Second Line. Maybe they felt generous. In a boring, low-scoring affair, all six Yeti receivers ranged between 20 and 40 yards and both Owens and Vincent did nothing special. Some defenders came to play, like Purchase with three deflections and Berry with two sacks. But when the Yeti were down by one in the late fourth and knocking on the red zone, a penalty and sack dissuaded them for whatever reason from trying a 54-yard field goal. The stupid sim cost them a win, 14-13.
The 7-6 Yeti were officially in the dance once more. They decided to celebrate with a slew of transactions. Not all developments were positive – Jim McMahon retired before the season ended, ending his short time there. But others happily signed on for more. Purchase and Vincent received $9 million and $6 million for another three years respectively, Gabagool got $8 million for two, and Frick signed himself to a single year worth $5 million. Taffy, Bacon, and Sinclair inked inactive extensions.
Clearly, the locker room was far from the wasteland it had once been in the dark days of Seasons 10 and 11. The most active users contributed to the war room and the scouting process, but those less fervent about earning TPE like a maniac played their part in building a fun, vibrant locker room. Colorado was a place people liked to be. Even the @AdamS overreaction media piece didn't have much critical to say about the team management.
However, now the playoffs were here and the second-seeded Yeti had drawn their eternal nemesis, the Hawks. Just twice in franchise history had the team won a playoff game. On all five other trips – Seasons 9, 10, 11, 18, and 19 – Colorado met their demise by Baltimore's hands. Only the first of these matchups was even within a single score. Facing this startlingly pessimistic historical trend, the Yeti did have one ace up their sleeve: this would be the first game of the six where they had home field.
Would they let this opportunity slide? The first quarter seemed to indicate so. Faced with a sputtering Hawks offense and gifted an early Lejune interception, the Yeti only came away with three points. Things heated up before halftime, with McDummy passing to Bishop at the quarter's close to tie it 10-10. McDummy's performance in general was decent, with a mediocre completion percentage but two touchdowns and no picks. The second score came in the electric third quarter, when a Forty-Two reception, Bishop kickoff return, and Ocewilder safety combined to open up a lead that the Hawks could only answer with field goals. One late touchdown made the final score closer but did not change the winner, 29-26.
The streak was over! For the first time in seven seasons, and for the third time ever, Colorado advanced past the first round of the playoffs. Unfortunately, their next opponent was a much tougher draw. Yellowknife was determined to make their third-straight Ultimus and manhandled the Yeti 40-24, opening a commanding initial lead that they never surrendered. McDummy and his running backs each got a touchdown, but McDummy also threw two interceptions, one of which became a pick-six. Gabagool and Lejune got their own turnovers, and Bishop exploded for 138 yards, but unfortunately the Wraiths matched fire with fire and never let their momentum slip. Colorado went home defeated.
The team had to watch the Ultimus from the sidelines, seeing Yellowknife lose their third title in three years to the Copperheads. Just four seasons after the two squads went toe to toe in the Toilet Bowl, Austin had pulled themselves together and won their first franchise Ultimus. Could Colorado do the same?
Six Yeti players won Pro Bowl slots: McDummy, Owens at offensive flex, Thumper, Berry, Hornbacher, and Jackson at kicker. Remarkably, the three defensive Pro Bowlers also swept the defensive positional awards. Berry – who led the league with fourteen sacks to pair with 93 tackles, one tackle for loss and fumble recovery, and thirteen deflections – became the first ever Yeti to win Defensive Player of the Year.
Even with a massive draft class in sight, the biggest change for the franchise happened basically as soon as the offseason began. Bwestfield stepped down as Frick's co-GM the night of the Ultimini game. There would be no announcement or candidate hunt; he already knew he was handing the reigns to woelkers, who was at that moment celebrating winning the Ultimini as GM of the San Antonio Marshals Minnesota Grey Ducks. Woelkers was an accomplished sim mind and now had the leadership experience to back it up. He and Frick would continue as the GM pair in Colorado through the rest of this narrative.
Then came the news that shook the entire league. Reddit recruitment for the S22 Draft had been successful. Really successful. Earth-shatteringly successful.
That draft class ended up being nearly twice as large as the draft class that launched the league, which until that point had remained the largest in history. S21, S18, even S15, generational classes in their own rights (especially S15), were dwarfed in comparison. Maybe the recruitment post was just that good, or maybe a recently declared Global Health Emergency would within the next month engulf the world and engender the perfect conditions for staying online and playing a weird sim football league. Regardless, Colorado now looked to the next offseason with both hope and dread, because there was simply no way the league would not be expanded in Season 22.
The last round of expansion had hardly mattered to the Yeti. There were so few eligible players worth poaching that Colorado was able to protect pretty much everyone that mattered. But this was a different team, one praised for its depth across the board and well-rounded roster. Keeping that entire core together through another grueling expansion draft promised to be a difficult challenge, and there was only one season left before this inevitable reaping occurred.
Because the Yeti completed most necessary transactions after the end of the regular season, they had only two new extensions to sign. Thumper received a large payday to compound his new status as co-GM with $24 million for the next six seasons, while Bishop signed on a single year for $3 million. There was one flashy free agent to sign in the form of tight end Earl Sauce (@FleshBagSoup), an S18 draftee originally of Baltimore fame who received $10.5 million over three years for his services. There was also one big name departure, with Logan Lejune's option being exercised by the team. After nine years as a Yeti defender all across the field, Lejune went into free agency and spent his last season as a Wraith.
Quote:Colorado is one of the most complete teams in the league just entering its prime. They don't really have needs per se. Just things that would be convenient. They have an absolutely deadly offense that honestly can’t even fit more targets at the moment. The defense is solids to very good all the way across. They very well could broker a trade back or out.
There were a wealth of mock draft articles this offseason, and not all of them were quite as enthusiastic about Colorado. Three areas jumped out as opportunities for improvement: another option at receiver or tight end, to replace the retiring King and McMahon; a defensive lineman to fill the black hole of TPE currently occupied by Trae Bacon; or a secondary player to supplement the team's so-so passing defense and replace the departed Lejune. All sorts of names were thrown about as potential picks. Signing Sauce did push the need for an offensive weapon down the board, but given Bishop's age, drafting a receiver still seemed plausible.
So what did the team decide to do? One clue before the draft stream that betrayed their intentions somewhat was a trade between them and Baltimore. Colorado dealt away Terry Taffy, the running back turned defensive end, for a total of $2 million in cap space over the next two seasons. Now their void in the trenches appeared even more gaping on the outside… unless, perhaps, they had already found Taffy's replacement. Surely there wasn't a highly coveted defensive end prospect frequently mocked to first overall who ranked Colorado as his choice of destination, whose user already had good history with the team, who the team war room was very eager to land, who was mocked by one article to slip to pick seven, and who ended up doing just that?
Pick 7 – Immanuel Blackstone, DE @nunccoepi
Pick 17 – Rotticus Scott, CB @RotticusScott
Pick 27 – Red Arrow, WR @RedArrow12c
Pick 31 – John Smirh, K @Muford
Pick 37 – Alyx Sabor, WR @SaborTheWaverunner
Pick 54 – Gronk Robertowski, TE @Iamdumberdore
Pick 57 – Andrew Nova, RB @schauer
Pick 69 – Dixon Uraz, LB @club_toasty
Pick 77 – Horacio Espinoza, RB @EpicMowse
Pick 87 – Dylan Green, OL @DylanG5
Pick 97 – Speedo Meeter, CB @Speedo Meter
Pick 107 – Rico Suave, S @the_suave1
Pick 117 – Rusty Shackleford, S @Drunkinthunder
Pick 127 – Leonard Jacobs, QB @Crkluck
Obviously, nunc was the star of the Yeti draft haul. While every pick through Uraz was active at the time of the draft, and Robertowski ended up with a sliver of snaps, the three picks after Blackstone were the only ones to receive any significant playing time. Scott was an easy pick for management to help solve the secondary gap, while Arrow was a potential steal who plugged in easily as WR3. The selection of Smirh was less obvious at face value, seeing as the franchise already had a young, committed kicker. But the value of Muford as a user was too good to pass up, and he helped out immensely by switching to defensive tackle.
Colorado made two minor trades during the draft process. The first got them another $2 million in S21 cap space from Arizona by trading down from the fifth round to the sixth, a total of seven spots, where Robertowski was eventually added. The second was a simple swap of seventh round picks with Yellowknife, the sole purpose of which seems to have been so Colorado had the 69th overall pick instead of the 67th. Truly, the height of comedy. Finally, after the draft was done, the Yeti got something out of nothing by trading away the now-useless Bacon to Chicago for an S22 ninth rounder.
Blackstone received the most luxurious contract of the crop, getting $8.5 million over three years. Arrow signed for a severely front-loaded $6 million, with two-thirds of that value in the first season, while Smirh got a league-minimum $3 million for three seasons. All other actives would be spending at least a year in the DSFL, with $1 million annually for Scott and $500,000 for Sabor, Robertowski, Uraz, and Nova should they make it to the big leagues. The six inactive draftees were handed one-year deals befitting their status.
The league, by and large, thought Colorado had a good year ahead of them. Season projections by the community generally predicted the Yeti to finish first or second in the conference, once again joining the Wraiths and the Hawks in the playoff cycle. They led the entire NSFC in total and average TPE. Berry and the other S15 players sat at the apexes of their careers. Honestly, this was probably the best and most well-rounded roster the team had seen since their inception. Could it be enough to end their Ultimus curse?
Season 21
"We've built a team that is prepared to compete both now and well into the future. We've built a locker room that just about any quality user can feel welcome in."
True to its reputation as a well-rounded roster, the only major changes made to the lineup in Season 21 spanned across the positions identified as weak links the offseason before. The best rookies from the past two drafts were coming into their own, replacing their inactive or retiring predecessors to create a roster with almost no inactives to speak of.
Wide Receiver: After five years in the league, and four years stuck behind team legend James Bishop on the depth chart, the latter's regression finally resulted in Forty-Two's ascension to the primary receiver role. Forty-Two led the team with 1071 yards and seven touchdowns, although Bishop and Owens still assumed a large portion of McDummy's attention. The only other receiver to line up on the field was the rookie Arrow, who performed decently with nearly 300 yards as the fifth overall option.
Tight End: Armor King's retirement opened the door for free agent Sauce to take his place. Despite his usage being far outclassed by other tight ends across the league, Sauce managed to carve out a niche as the fourth option on the offense and caught almost 400 yards and three touchdowns. He did tie for the league lead in pancakes for a tight end with 30, doing his part to boost the team's rushing average above all others.
Defensive Line: Two fresh-faced rookies cut their teeth in the trenches of the Season 21 Yeti. The headliner, Blackstone, trailed his companion on the edge in tackles with 28 compared to Ocewilder's 45 but made an impressive twelve of those behind the line of scrimmage, ranking fifth in the league, and notching seven sacks to boot. Smirh's debut proved less flashy, both by virtue of his position and because Thumper was the star of the show, but he still contributed 31 overall tackles and five sacks.
Secondary: With Lejune out, S20 sophomore Kirkby came in. Scott would be spending at least a year down in the minors, so Kirkby position switched away from the linebacking corps – where the immovable duo of Berry and Gabagool would prevent him from playing for a long time – to safety. He played the strong safety to complement Parker, stealing six sacks on blitzes and adding one interception and two deflections.
Special Teams: Banana was Colorado's latest hope at finding consistency at kicker not seen since McCormick underwent surgery. His performance was solid yet uninspiring in all aspects, kicking and punting. Meanwhile, McMahon's absence sparked another overhauling of the return situation. Owens now commanded a slim majority of kick returns and the totality of punt returns, while the rest went mostly to Purchase with the exception of three returns by Forty-Two. A punt return touchdown by Owens was the only score of the year for the unit.
Colorado's Week 1 home opener pitted them against Philadelphia, a team the league broadly viewed as inferior. The Liberty had no intention of rolling out the welcome mat. In a 26-20 upset, they held off their hosts under a barrage of field goals. McDummy's offense sputtered and started with inconsistent results, notching two total touchdowns against two turnovers. The defense racked up plenty of tackles but could not stop the Liberty attack from controlling the pace of the game on the ground. Even with Bishop's impressive seven catches for 106 yards and a touchdown, the positive momentum from the offseason ended up spoiled.
They tried again in Week 2 to get the ball rolling, this time on the road in Baltimore. Owens improved quite a bit, rushing seventeen times for five yards a pop and a score with nine catches for 60 yards. Unfortunately, Owens provided a majority of the team's points. McDummy had another bad day with a 63.7 rating and one pick, passing for quite a bit of yardage but getting nothing out of it. Some stars on the defense shined, like Berry's three sacks and deflection, but they still got no turnovers and gave up too many points to overcome. By the end of the game, Colorado went home smarting from the 24-10 loss that knocked them down to 0-2.
That energy poured into a desperate Week 3 shootout with Chicago. The Butchers led 13-0 after a McDummy pick six and 13-3 once a Banana field goal put points on the board right before the half. But afterwards, Colorado came alive. The Yeti scored four receiving touchdowns and two rushing, one of which was an 80-yard dash by McDummy. This was Forty-Two's coming out party as WR1, with 121 yards and two scores, while Gabagool finally grabbed the defense an interception. The Butchers struggled to respond in any capacity to this second-half onslaught and only made the 45-33 result more palatable with a meaningless garbage time touchdown.
Snapping the early losing streak was cause for celebration in Colorado. Further celebration ensued that weekend with the announcement of the Season 19 class of inductees for the Hall of Fame. For the first time since Johnathon Saint's induction, two more Yeti found themselves enshrined in history: Andre Bly Jr. and Micycle McCormick. They ironically went in alongside Carlito Crush, whose jersey shined with Otters orange. While Bly Jr. was a unanimous selection, McCormick only made it by a thin margin and continues to spark debates over the merits of his case for the Hall.
The euphoria quickly faded after they received a thorough stomping to the tune of 37-13 in New Orleans. McDummy continued his four-game interception streak and two-game pick six streak, with Sauce being the only player to catch a touchdown pass. Save for maybe Forty-Two with 102 yards, no one else played well. So was all the team's supposed strength in the offseason smoke and mirrors, naught but ash? Well, despite their 1-3 record, there was still room for optimism. Two of their three losses had been to the Hawks and Second Line, both of whom were undefeated. In addition, a statistical analysis by @iStegosauruz devising a metric measuring how well a defense contains opposing quarterbacks found a significant correlation between negative GAV Difference scores and playoff success. Interestingly, the GAV Difference of Season 21 had its four lowest scores for the three 4-0 teams… and the Colorado Yeti.
Quote:What is interesting are teams like the Sabercats and Yeti who are 1-3 but both have negative GAV Differences. It would appear that they are being let down by their offenses to some extent. This looks like the case for the Sabercats who have the lowest total yards in the league with 1334. The Yeti have been performing in the middle of the pack in terms of total yards so they look like a team who has played a fairly tough schedule and is primed to bounce back as the year progresses.
If they wanted to show the league that they had simply gotten off to a rocky start, the Yeti needed to show up with some wins soon. They got back on track in Week 5. Hosting the Wraiths, the Yeti passing game went off with a bang, with three total touchdowns to Bishop, Forty-Two, and Vincent. They also only turned the ball over once, on a McDummy red zone fumble, and turned in a punt return touchdown courtesy of Owens. Hornbacher and Gabagool had a field day with five combined deflections, while Berry led the team with a pair of sacks. The Wraiths fought until the end but never led in the 34-24 victory.
Then, Colorado played the Butchers again. It was McDummy's time to shine. He wasn't stellar on accuracy in the passing game, although he did pass two touchdowns to no interceptions, but showed out with 139 rushing yards and two long scampers for scores. In combination with a pick six by Hornbacher, the points came flying in for the Yeti, and the defense as a whole did a great job of shutting down any Butchers momentum. By the end of Week 6, Colorado had a fresh 38-20 win on their resume and were back to a shiny .500 record.
Bringing that mark into the positives would require winning in Week 7 against the no-longer-undefeated Baltimore Hawks. And like so many of their matches this year, this game became a shootout. The onus of scores fell on the receiving corps, who answered the call with three passing touchdowns. Two of these came from Owens, who notched nine catches for 97 yards. The star of the defense was Berry once again, with two sacks, two forced fumbles, and a fumble recovery. While the Hawks grabbed an early lead, momentum for the Yeti tied the game by halftime and then pulled ahead into an unreachable lead. It ended 37-31 in Colorado's favor.
Quote:Ah Colorado. A week ago they were struggling, going into the week 1-2… Going 3-1 this week, the Yeti find themselves tied for 1st in the NSFC. With maybe the easiest second half schedule of any top tier team, the Yeti are in control of their destiny and should be able to secure the #1 seed if they perform.
Good news and bad news alike came on the transaction wire. In the positive arena, the Yeti extended Owens for three more seasons, handing him $12 million total through the end of Season 24. Needless to say, Run was much happier with his situation than he had been in Austin and thought that great things for Colorado were on the horizon. Less positive was the announced retirement of veteran cornerback Axel Hornbacher. Hornbacher's time was running out, but he also had nothing but kind things to say about both of his stints in Colorado and expressed satisfaction that he would retire a Yeti.
In the wider league, the week prior also included the unsurprising announcement of expansion. By March 22, the new expansion GMs were chosen and the format for an expansion draft was settled, with very similar rules to the one from Season 16. Teams could protect seven players, in which GM players must be included, and rookies from the S21 Draft were exempt. Obviously, this spelled a difficult process ahead for Colorado. With Berry and Thumper guaranteed, and McDummy, Owens, Forty-Two, and Purchase exceptionally likely to make the cut, there remained only one slot available between players like Bishop, Gabagool, Parker, Sauce, and Ocewilder for protection.
The second half of the season started with an embarrassing whimper. Colorado went on the road to face the Liberty – a 1-6 team whose only win came against the Yeti – and helped them climb to a 2-6 record. They dug themselves into a 19-0 hole by halftime, courtesy of an anemic offense and a barrage of field goals by Philadelphia's excellent kicker. No one turned the ball over, although Berry showed out with three sacks and two deflections, but McDummy barely made an impact trying to bring the team back from the deficit. The 19-10 loss ended Colorado's upwards momentum quite handily.
To get back on track, the Yeti copied the Liberty's idea and unleashed Silver Banana on an unsuspecting Wraiths squad. His four field goals indeed proved enough to win another low-scoring game, 19-13. With his trusty leg fired up and with Owens being run into the ground with 28 carries, Colorado dominated time of possession by an almost 2:1 margin. McDummy avoided any interceptions once again, a trend which continued into Week 10 against the Otters. But there, two touchdowns was not enough to face up against an Orange County team on fire, and the Yeti flip-flopped to a 30-14 loss and to a 5-5 record of mediocrity.
Against the Copperheads at home McDummy's streak was shattered, with two interceptions headlining a pretty terrible game on all accounts… that is, besides the rushing. Adding to a passing score to Forty-Two, he ran twice into the endzone and averaged over five yards per carry on double-digit touches, a mark matched by both Vincent and Owens. Meanwhile, the defense got over their fear of making a difference, with a Kirkby pick and Blackstone safety providing enough to come back after early struggles. Colorado survived by the skin of their teeth, 26-23.
The 6-5 Yeti were one game behind Baltimore for the lead in the NSFC standings and had a decent shot at seizing the first-overall seed. With their roster being viewed as deep across the board, there wasn't need for them to participate in any trades before the deadline hit. They did extend Berry for another season of $5 million in value. Mock drafts and roster analyses galore generally agreed that Colorado's future needs were clear: cornerback was king, linebacker and receiver were also areas of possible need, and defensive line and safety might prove issues depending on the results of the expansion draft.
Thanks to the horrific showings of the "Yeti-killer" Liberty and the "Nuclear meltdown" Butchers, Colorado was already locked into a playoff spot. But winning in Week 12 would ensure at least the number two spot and keep them in step with Baltimore, and thankfully Colorado got to play a pretty bad Outlaws team. No one benefitted more than Owens. He rushed 24 times for 104 yards and caught five passes for another 111 yards and a touchdown, the most yards from scrimmage of any game in his career. Shockingly, Colorado won by quite a fair margin, 33-10.
But no one in the league cared one iota about any of that. March 30, the day of the Week 12 sim, was also the apex of the Chicago Butchers drama that some people have written articles about. To briefly summarize an incredibly complex and entertaining saga, the recent resignation of both Chicago GMs had prompted nearly a dozen applicants for the post. Head Office's designated pick was rejected by the Butchers war room, certain people went on a narcissistic power-hungry rampage, and everyone had a grand old time.
The war room did eventually finish voting for their new GM pair, and after the current interim GMs fell out of favor due to the whole "Soviet Era" debacle, the winners ended up being Muford and @Bayley. Both had applied for the job once the drama started pouring in, having ideas on where to take the listless franchise, and Muford had secured approval from Colorado management to apply for the job. So while a trade would need to be ironed out, the Yeti knew that their rookie defensive tackle was already one foot out the door.
Week 13 ended up being meaningless by virtue of the Hawks beating the Otters and locking in home field. The Yeti took the time to practice for the playoffs anyways. Against the Sabercats, McDummy took the day off and let the running game take over with three touchdowns between Owens and Vincent. On the sidelines, the defensive coordinator presumably informed their players that the team only had three combined interceptions all year, firing up Purchase, Berry, and Hornbacher to all steal a pass and double the franchise's season total. It was a comfortable 24-9 win to cap off a pretty successful 8-5 season.
Then it all came crashing down in the wild card. At home, against the Yellowknife team they had beaten twice already, Colorado matched blow for blow in a low-scoring 13-13 first half. The Yeti ran their offense through Owens and suffered for it, handing it off 35 times and only averaging three yards per attempt. They weren't able to adjust in the second half away from their failing strategy, and the Wraiths scored two touchdowns while shutting them out entirely. Despite the excellence of Berry and his six pass deflections, setting what was at that time a playoff game record, the Yeti suffered an early 26-13 exit.
This one stung. Colorado's roster felt too well-rounded and too deep to deserve dropping unceremoniously from the playoffs this early, but the sim does not care for supposed strength. Nothing was left to be done besides to weather the storm of the offseason.
The Yeti sent Forty-Two, Sauce, Thumper, Blackstone, Berry, and Gabagool as their representatives to the Pro Bowl. The defense took home some additional accolades, both with Blackstone grabbing Defensive Rookie of the Year and Berry sweeping both Linebacker of the Year and a second-straight Defensive Player of the Year. The honor of Most Dedicated Member also went, for a second time, to infinite for his incredible dedication to the league and for the amount of work he put into running the league's streams and graphics.
Two Colorado players landed short extensions before the offseason kicked into high gear. One was the inactive Quentin Sinclair, who got $2 million, and the other was Bishop, who got $4 million. The Bishop signing was rather optimistic; with the expansion draft hurtling into view, it seemed incredibly unlikely that Colorado would protect Bishop with one of their initial slots. There was a chance that one of the team's best receivers of all time would spend his final years on the fresh-faced Honolulu Hahalua or Sarasota Sailfish.
An early hiccup came about with the Butchers. The new GM regime in Chicago still needed to trade for Smirh, but their trade offers were viewed by the Colorado management as wildly unfair. Offers on the table would've dealt a max-earning, second season defensive tackle away for a second or third round pick – a value the Yeti found to be simply unacceptable. They found the state of discussions so disagreeable, in fact, that Frick and woelkers went to Head Office and appealed for neutral arbitration.
Head Office sided with the Yeti. The trade, which finally went through on April 8, dealt Muford away to Chicago for the steep price of Chicago's first round pick in the S23 Draft. Given the absolutely horrific state the Butchers were sure to be in after their seasons of turmoil and a Season 22 spent on rebuilding a broken roster, the Yeti were practically guaranteed to pocket the first overall pick from this trade. That S21 draft pick of Smirh certainly yielded its fair share of value.
There was, unfortunately, a far larger issue at hand courtesy of a rather unhappy camper. C9Van had been promoted to the primary slot at wide receiver after five dutiful seasons of service. But experiencing the WR1 life made him realize just how much he couldn't stand the position entirely – not feeling useful, not feeling like the amount of TPE he had earned was proportionate to the results of the sim, not feeling like any shot at the Hall of Fame was even remotely in view. He was entirely miserable.
Quote:The reason I am doing this is because I genuinely hate Wide Receiver. It is fucking awful. It always has been and always will be. The one positive from this is I am free from this bollocks position.
Quote:I was going to be a Wide Receiver until regression came for me. Which as a season 16 player comes for me after this next upcoming seasons finishes basically.
This gave the Colorado Yeti a grace period even though I genuinely just wanted to switch then and there. They were the only team and people seemingly irate at the switch cause most others were for me enjoying my new position.
By the end of Season 21, Van arrived at the plan he detailed above and that he told to both the Yeti and to both expansion teams. He would spend his last pre-regression season as a receiver but switch thereafter to offensive line, a position whose resurgence in the realm of human players was still at that time in the works. Van wanted to help other trailblazers in the Fair Rubs Club prove the value and fun of a human lineman.
But the dialogue between him and the Colorado GMs quickly became strained. While there were ample discussions on the issue and how it might affect their protections for the upcoming expansion, and management tried to help ease Van's frustration, he also felt that they were rather unwilling to accommodate him as a lineman, even suggesting that he switch to corner instead so that he would be more useful for the team. For Van, this sense of dismissiveness regarding a switch that he thought was important to his happiness in the league, from a team he had done a large part in rebuilding the activity and community of, stung.
Switching from receiver to offensive line did indeed change the Yeti's protection plans. The list was released on April 7, containing Berry, Thumper, Owens, McDummy, Purchase, Parker, and Sauce as the designated survivors. The plan, as communicated by the GMs to Van, was to use their first in-draft protection to take him once another player had been claimed by the Hahalua or Sailfish. Even considering his warpile of TPE, his new position made him less attractive to suitors and easier to drop past the first pick. Van was fine with this plan. He informed both expansion teams that he'd rather stay on the Yeti; even so, he left the Colorado war room once protections were finalized.
When the expansion draft began a few days later, Steco Ocewilder was the first Yeti taken at the fifth overall pick to the Sailfish. In Van's understanding, his protection was sure to follow. Yet the GMs, lacking a unified clarity with Van on how exactly the plan was received, saw his departure from the war room and decided to pivot to protect the semi-inactive safety Thor Kirkby. This move was in Van's eyes an utter betrayal of trust. He went four picks later, also to the Sailfish, and almost immediately published a media article condemning the franchise and how much their actions had hurt him.
(Tony Gabagool was the second protection after Forty-Two was snatched up. The third Yeti taken was James Bishop at pick 22 to the Hahalua.)
Regardless of how central he had once been to the team and community, Colorado had to move on. First things first, they definitely needed at least one receiver better than Red Arrow. For the price of a ninth-round pick in the S22 Draft, the Yeti retrieved Bishop back from his hour-long escapade in Honolulu. Next, they had pretty much no time at all to catch their breath before the Herculean task of going through the draft presented its ugly head. There was only a break of four days between the streaming of the expansion draft and the regular draft.
Quote:… the Yeti ultimately lost two players, who are defensive end Steco Ocewilder and wide receiver Laszlo Forty- two. Both of those departures will trigger a need in their respective positions as there remains only one defensive end in Immanuel Blackstone and only two wide receivers, heavily regressing James Bishop and Red Arrow, remains. The Yeti are likely to address those positions with high picks as they don't have many other holes in their roster except for maybe cornerbacks.
In the end, nothing changed except urgency. The Yeti still needed cornerbacks, they definitely needed a fresh receiver or two, and they really needed some defensive line help, on the interior and exterior. No one could accuse the draft of having slim pickings at any position, but getting the maximum value possible out of such a buffet of choices would take a lot of management finesse and fine judgement. Would the Colorado war room make good choices?
Pick 8 – Mo Magic, DT @thevoicelesscreator
Pick 14 – Thubba Bumper, CB @'baueranthony9'
Pick 32 – William Lim, WR @yonggarius
Pick 51 – Ismael Sanchez, DE @Ismael8907
Pick 76 – Richard Gilbert, RB @SwankyPants31
Pick 79 – Leeroy Jenkins, WR @dahayn
Pick 92 – Sim SnowBow, QB @SnowyWolfz
Pick 102 – Nat Wright, LB @nated4444
Pick 128 – Devaunte Sackpieder, LB @devaunte
Pick 140 – Sylvester Berlin, OL @Epitaxi
Pick 152 – Thunder Cat, CB @mmfootball
Pick 164 – Meep Meep, DE @MongrelQuill5
Pick 176 – Fatso Wombat, LB @Rusty
Pick 188 – Colin Vance, QB @MehoyMinoy7
Pick 200 – Swlane Train, DT @swlane
Pick 212 – Tony Baloney, DT @STarantelli
Pick 224 – Leland Breeland, DT @Honeybaby
Pick 236 – Bobby Black, WR @penbleezus
Pick 248 – Matt Elam, S @Brody
Pick 260 – Willis Cannon, K @bigDUB
Pick 272 – Ike Oscar, TE @Btultz06
What a list, huh? The irregular ordering of the first eight or so picks betrays the fact that Colorado made five in-draft trades, both consolidating for trade-ups and diversifying by trading down. They dealt picks 20, 68, and 80 to the Sailfish for the fourteenth overall, used on Bumper. They then sent pick 44 to the Copperheads to receive picks 51, for Sanchez, and 76, for Gilbert. Pick 79 was grabbed from a second Austin trade in exchange for an S23 third and used on Jenkins. Pick 116 was handed to the Liberty to retrieve receiver Jake Dropson (@goodvsevil1275). The final trade was worthless, giving away pick 284 for a 21st-rounder in the S23 Draft.
Before Colorado opened their pocketbooks to accommodate the rookies, they had a few extensions to sign. Kirkby and Blackstone got $2 million and $500,000 bonuses added on to their existing Season 22 contract years. Kirkby, Banana, and Parker also each extended for three more seasons, inking contracts of $6 million, $3 million, and $9 million respectively in total value through Season 25. With those out of the way, it was time for the S22 draftees!
Magic, Lim, and Sanchez would be the only three rookies making the immediate jump to the pro level. All three received $3 million over three years. Bumper, Gilbert, and Jenkins had DSFL coverages built in for their first year; while all three had $1 million annually for their last two seasons, Bumper had an additional $6 million bonus for Season 22. Wright, Sackpieder, and Cat were covered by the DSFL for their first two years and signed for $500,000 in their last year. Snowbow, the last active, would stay down all three seasons of his rookie contract. The rest of the draft class inked one-season inactive deals.
With only days to go before the premiere of Season 22, Colorado was generally viewed in a similar caliber of strength to the season before. Obviously, Yellowknife was still the top dog of the conference, now having represented the NSFC in the last four consecutive Ultimus Bowls (and turning poor Cooter Bigsby into Jim Kelly). But the Yeti had the league's highest TPE quarterback, a workable coterie of offensive weapons, and quite possibly the best defense of any team. Maybe, just maybe, this would finally be the year where the roster's strength on paper translated to victories in the postseason.
Season 22
"I do believe our first is soon to come."
The excitement of the offseason rippled across a few key position groups. Most additions injected the team with even more youth; some made space for the old. All were intended to give the Yeti their best chance at success in the new twelve team existence of the league.
Wide Receiver: The ancient Bishop resumed work in the primary role after Forty-Two's frosty departure. Draftmates Logan Lejune and Beau Montgomery were both now retired, yet Bishop just played on. His tally of sixty catches and 880 yards with six touchdowns was far from extraordinary, but even with his TPE ravaged he greased the wheels of the offense alongside the sophomore Arrow and rookie Lim.
Defensive Line: Blackstone and Thumper now had new friends on the exterior and interior, respectively. On the outside was the fifth-rounder Sanchez, notching six tackles for loss and a sack on 21 takedowns. On the inside was Magic, last draft's headliner, who did well for himself as a plug in the trenches and got three sacks and a forced fumble on the year. When playing alongside Thumper, whose ten sacks ranked fifth in the league, anything helps to stand out.
Secondary: This was another one of those rehaul years in the defensive backfield. The chief name of note was safety Logan Uchiha (@CalvinP), an S15 veteran obtained through a midseason trade and at the cost of Sinclair. His placement at strong safety necessitated shifting Kirkby to free safety and Parker to the cornerback room alongside Purchase, with Scott filling out the nickelback role. It wasn't a deep room of talent, but that hardly matters in the injury-free sim world, and the broad level of experience helped to make the passing defense the league's best in yards surrendered per game with 179.2 on average.
Special Teams: The return game was now an exclusively two-man show, and the makeup stayed pretty much the same as before. The only difference from the season prior was the slight lead Purchase held over Owens for kick return snaps.
If there is an ideal way to open up a season, the Season 22 Yeti sure came close. In their home debut, Colorado exacted their revenge on the Wraiths in suffocating fashion. McDummy had a decent passing day, throwing a touchdown and pick apiece on 255 yards, but he also rushed for 86 more with an additional score thrown in. Owens ceded all semblance of efficiency to McDummy and Vincent but still got his own touchdown, while Berry and Purchase swatted a combined seven passes out of the sky. Purchase's second-quarter pick six proved a complete tone-setter for the 34-12 rout.
It seemed early in Week 2 that the Yeti would keep on rolling. They visited Philadelphia and, courtesy of another field-flipping interception by Purchase and two McDummy touchdowns, built an early 17-0 before everything came to a halt. The Liberty couldn't get any offense going, but across from their stoppable force was the movable object of McDummy and his four combined turnovers. With one of his pair of picks going all the way for a defensive score, the Yeti quarterback could only thank the defense for continuing to pitch a shutout and salvaging a 17-14 nailbiter.
Things came somewhat easier in Colorado's first-ever matchup with their new NSFC buddies, the Sarasota Sailfish. Home crowd help did not save McDummy or the rushing game from another subpar day, and the absence of Forty-Two became ever clearer in its impact on passing volume. As before, the defense and special teams picked up the slack. Banana kicked in three field goals and Blackstone added two points more on a safety, all while holding the Sailfish to only thirteen points. It wasn't a comfortable win, but the final score of 25-13 still meant the Yeti were now at 3-0 on the season.
Quote:The Yeti is off to a great start for the season as they won all three games they played so far. Their most prominent strength is their defence, which feature last year's DPOY Mo Berry and superstar cornerback Louisiana Purchase among many others. They generated many sacks, forced fumbles, several interceptions and a pick six, and most importantly allowed only 40 points in first 3 games despite facing strong offenses.
After Week 3, the Yeti made their first and only trade of the entire season, swapping out Sinclair to the Hawks and receiving Uchiha in return. Uchiha's slightly better build necessitated also trading down in the S23 Draft from the second to the third as compensation. The intentions of the Colorado GMs in this trade were pretty obvious. There was opportunity in the air this season, and they didn't intend to miss their shot.
Colorado's schedule would give them ample opportunity to flex their muscles. Season 22 was the only season in league history to have both twelve teams and the thirteen-game schedule that had existed since the previous expansion. Therefore, since every conference rival played twice, the Yeti only had to play three ASFC teams, and drew two of the worst with the Hahalua and Outlaws. After finishing their first NSFC tour against the Butchers in Week 4 and the Hawks in Week 5, the worst teams in the conference, Colorado would get to play Arizona before a possible clash of undefeated teams in Week 7 with the Otters.
Of course, the Yeti had to take care of business first. They played the Butchers on the road and killed them easier than Upton Sinclair, 34-0. Dropson only ran 101 yards on the entire season, his role as backup receiver quickly supplanted by Lim, but he went for 71 of those yards in this game and led the team. Owens and Vincent both scored, McDummy only threw one pick, Parker deflected four passes by himself, and Scott stole his first career interception. All in all, a pretty good day in the Windy City.
There was one last game before Colorado went cross-conference, and this too they flew through with ease. The leader of scrimmage yards in this game was actually Vincent, who showed out with a touchdown both on the ground and through the skies. Not to be outdone, Owens took his own receiving score. Scott outshined both, deflecting three passes, forcing a fumble, making ten tackles, and grabbing a second pick for his first touchdown. Baltimore scored early, but not often, and the Yeti rolled on 34-10.
When they began their ASFC field trip, a surprisingly even match in Arizona greeted them first. The Yeti built a quick lead on the ground and fed Owens through the air as best they could given McDummy's startling inaccuracy. But even after turnovers secured by Kirkby and Berry, the Outlaws stormed back with three lightning quick touchdowns in the late third and early fourth, seizing a five-point advantage. A Banana kick cut it to two, but when the offense needed a surge, it landed with a whimper. Three drives failed to move past the line of scrimmage, and the upset concluded 29-27.
This was a bad note to enter on for the game against Orange County, and their hosts made sure to show the whole league who the real kings of the league were. Armstrong eviscerated the Yeti defense on the ground and through the air, going for four total touchdowns and 428 total yards. His Colorado counterpart avoided turnovers, but he completed less than half of his throws for the second straight week and failed to get any aspect of the offense rolling. Kirkby notching a pick six did little to salve the scorch of the 41-17 defeat.
Reeling, the Yeti returned home to host the other new fish-themed team. The defense held the Hahalua to just ten points and shut them out in the second half. Parker and Scott both snagged interceptions and four combined deflections, killing the visitors' passing efficiency. Yet in astounding fashion, the offense was shut out. Shut out! Drives ended at the Honolulu 43, 33, 32, 42, and 42, none of which saw Banana getting sent out to try even a long field goal. No team in league history had ever been shut out in such a low scoring game before, but when there is an embarrassing record to find, the Colorado Yeti are always reliable. 10-0 and into the cone of shame.
To my knowledge, this is still the record.
Quote:I suppose it can be said that at least their defence was present but the Yeti offense was as hard to find as their mythical namesake. If they want to turn this streak around they'll need to have a strong showing this week.
Although the definition of "easy game" loses some value when you can't score a single point at home against the Hahalua, Colorado could've used a friendlier return to conference games than facing the Wraiths. Regardless, that's who they visited in Week 9, and they would find no salvation here. Gabagool, Scott, Berry, and Kirkby all reached double-digit tackles, their extended presence on the field felt against an offense that pounded the ball with relentless efficiency. Colorado's own offense was unsurprisingly bad, and Owens broke through only in the dregs of garbage time. They lost by a score of 27-10.
The 5-4 Yeti now sat two games behind the Wraiths, neck-and-neck with the Liberty, a game ahead of the Sailfish and miles ahead of the Hawks and Butchers. Dreams of pulling out home field advantage were completely outside of their control. However, community models still rated them rather highly and placed a lot of their slump at the feet of unfortunate sim luck. The NSFC was a very weak conference, Colorado probably would get their heads above water eventually, and there wasn't need to panic yet.
Case in point, the streak came to an end in Week 10. After a first half composed of Banana field goals and a Philadelphia lead, McDummy finally unlocked a higher gear born of sheer desperation. Bishop earned the first triple-digit receiving game of Colorado's entire year, while two touchdown passes went the way of Owens. On the defensive side of the ball, six different players notched sacks and Kirkby got another pick. Their efforts completely shut out the visitors after halftime and ensured the all-important win, 33-16.
While McDummy's efficiency remained high against Sarasota, his volume reverted back to the norm. The result was an unfortunate reversal of any offensive momentum, compounded by a sleepy ground game. Through the first three quarters it even looked like the Sailfish might pitch the Yeti's second low-scoring shutout of the season. A long Lim touchdown cut the lead in half, but the drives that followed got nowhere that mattered. Colorado added once more to the loss column with the 13-7 result and sealed the first seed for Yellowknife.
Courtesy of their hot start and papier-mâché competition, the Yeti needed only to win their home game against Chicago to seal a trip to the playoffs. Colorado won. Easily. McDummy made the best of his fourteen completions, throwing three of them into the endzone and letting Owens and Vincent help him out in the rushing arena. Berry and Uchiha landed turnovers, while the whole defense forced Chicago's quarterback into a nauseating 17.8 passer rating. The 34-3 curb stomp was hopefully just what the doctor ordered to get them back on track.
Philadelphia's Week 13 loss ensured that Colorado would play at home in the wild card round. To get ready for their trip, the Yeti decided in Week 13 to get inexplicably freaky. Banana kicked five field goals, McDummy aired it out to middling results, and both Blackstone and Uchiha forced and recovered a fumble to pair with a pick by Berry. Ultimately, Banana came in clutch with a fifth and final kick in the game's dying seconds, a 54-yarder to avoid an unnecessary overtime and win the game 23-20.
So another season at 8-5. The team made one final move before the playoffs got going, extending Gabagool for two more years at a value of $8 million. A very respectable seven players ended up as Pro Bowlers: McDummy, Bishop, Blackstone, Berry, Scott, Kirkby, and Purchase at kick returner. Blackstone and Berry earned more awards for the team, with Defensive End of the Year and Linebacker of the Year respectively, and Berry became the first – so far the only – player to win a third Defensive Player of the Year honor. Infinite received the highest award of them all, being inducted into the User Hall of Fame on the Season 22 ballot.
The Yeti's first matchup featured them against the upstart Sailfish. While the teams split the regular season series, this was a Colorado home game and they were definitely the superior team. Sure enough, Thumper landing a safety within the first minute signaled that no upset was incoming. The rushing game took front stage in the offense, with all three rushers punching one in and the receivers mostly catching the occasional long pass. Between these, Banana kicks, and Uchiha's pick six, Sarasota wasn't able to get on the board until the fourth quarter on a return touchdown and never presented a comeback threat. For only the second time since the Season 13 Ultimus, Colorado won a playoff game, 36-14.
The chances of winning a third were rather slim. Compared to Sarasota, Yellowknife was an entirely different beast, one that the Yeti would have to travel on the road to face. Since the Yeti beat them in Week 1, the Wraiths had gone 11-1 with the league's best offense and best defense by points scored and allowed. The war room entered the game testing at around 20% in the sim. The only way Colorado would be able to pull off the win and keep Yellowknife from a fifth straight Ultimus appearance was a heavy dose of luck.
The matchup was a scuffle in the trenches. Perhaps fearful of the Canada cold in January, both teams relied on their ground games to do the offensive heavy lifting. Colorado started with the ball and scored a touchdown off a 28-yard McDummy scamper, which Yellowknife answered with a field goal. A costly sack and penalty ended the next two drives, respectively, before the Yeti opened the second quarter with a Vincent touchdown to go up 14-3. The Wraiths were undeterred, and after a trade of three-and-outs they scored their own touchdown. They got the ball back before halftime but missed a 54-yard field goal as time expired.
Opening the second, they set up and made a much easier 38-yarder, which cut the Yeti lead to one point. A quick Colorado punt later, Yellowknife kicked yet another field goal and took the lead. Both teams struggled to get much forward momentum going, trading punts and field position into the fourth quarter. Yet Colorado did break through, with McDummy finding Arrow on two consecutive first down passes that enabled Banana to kick from 41 yards and retake the lead. Right as the Wraiths began to get rhythm on their response, Gabagool notched the only sack of the game on Bigsby and killed it, forcing another sequence of traded punts. By the end there simply wasn't time for the Wraiths to do anything. Zeroes showed on the scoreboard, and disbelief reigned in Colorado. Against incredibly long odds, they had beaten the Wraiths on the road, 17-16, and were headed to Ultimus Bowl XXII.
Concluded in the Finale
Section Contributors:
@C9Van
@infinitempg
@Muford
@woelkers
Sources and Further Reading
Transgender lesbian, S15 veteran, and media extraordinaire. Fascists and bigots are welcome to fuck off.
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For Your Reading Consideration:
Before the Butchers | The Jungle
The Giving Tree | Volume II | Volume III
A Winter of Discontent | Volume II
The Rockiest Road | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | Finale
Two Essays on Unfree Agency: On Agents | On Contracts
Eclipse of the Honey Moon | Volume II
Gemini Media Awards:
S39 | S40 | S41 | S42 | S43 | S44 | S45 | S46
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For Your Reading Consideration:
Before the Butchers | The Jungle
The Giving Tree | Volume II | Volume III
A Winter of Discontent | Volume II
The Rockiest Road | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | Finale
Two Essays on Unfree Agency: On Agents | On Contracts
Eclipse of the Honey Moon | Volume II
Gemini Media Awards:
S39 | S40 | S41 | S42 | S43 | S44 | S45 | S46
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