*The Rockiest Road Finale

[Baron1898]

The Rockiest Road
Colorado’s Years in the Wilderness

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Volume I | Volume II | Volume III | Volume IV | Volume V | Volume VI | Volume VII | Finale

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But the Consul’s brow was sad,
And the Consul’s speech was low,
And darkly looked he at the wall,
And darkly at the foe.
‘Their van will be upon us
Before the bridge goes down;
And if they once may win the bridge,
What hope to save the town?’

Then out spake brave Horatius,
The Captain of the gate:
‘To every man upon this earth
Death cometh soon or late.
And how can man die better
Than facing fearful odds,
For the ashes of his fathers,
And the temples of his Gods…

– Thomas Macaulay, "Horatius"

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Finale: The World Turned Upside Down

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I: GOLIATH

One could not find a franchise more fundamentally different to the Colorado Yeti in every way than the Orange County Otters.

The Otters came into existence in May 2017, one of the founding six franchises of the league, under the stewardship of @Grapehead and @Official DT. They started in a very un-Otters fashion by drafting the first overall pick of the entire league, defensive lineman J.J. Reigns (@Shaka), who also became the league's first bust when Shaka fled the scene for the EFL. The Otters also became the first team in history to have both GMs step down mid-season, leaving Shaka in temporary command of two co-GMs, @Jbearly and @'Jiggly_33', as he groomed one of them to take over after the season. Jbearly ultimately won the post.

On the field, the Otters shared the ASFC with the Outlaws, Sabercats, and the Legion (beginning in Season 2). They had no trouble making the playoffs, with both a talented roster and weak competition from the latter two teams, but fell short three seasons in a row to the increasingly dominant Outlaws. The duo of Jbearly and Jiggly survived all of one season before more GM turnover ensued after Season 2, prompting the arrival of Orange County's first long-time manager – @Molarpistols. Finally, by Season 4, the Otters broke through the multi-less Outlaws' chokehold on the playoffs and beat the Wraiths for their first-ever franchise title.

The OTTERS ERA is about to begin we just put the entire NSFL on notice !!!

Yeah, no kidding.

Thus commenced the Otter Slaughter proper, the first real stage of the dynasty. Disappointing everyone in the league tired of the same team winning the Ultimus three times straight, the Otters copied the Outlaws and went for another threepeat. They seemed every bit as unstoppable as Arizona before them, winning Pro Bowls and awards galore and finding ways to win no matter the opponent or game circumstance. But no dynasty can last forever, and their streak finally ended in the S7 Ultimus after failing to come back from an early 21-3 deficit against the Liberty.

Next was a period of change and transition. Legendary quarterback Mike Boss (@JBLAZE_THE_BOSS) retired, with Gus T.T. Showbiz (Molarpistols) as the heir apparent. Molar himself finally stepped down from the responsibilities of team leadership after Season 9 and was followed by @speculadora, his co-GM from the past two years. The team never posted a losing record, although the 7-7 mark in Season 10 came close, and made the playoffs every year. But for four years straight, the team lost the ASFC championship game to the New Orleans Second Line, sometimes in a close game and sometimes not.

No one could keep the Otters down forever, though. The Second Line faded, as most teams eventually do, but Orange County remained stubbornly great and continued adding to their unbroken streak of playoff attendances. Their new dancing partner in the ASFC were the Sabercats. For the next four years, San Jose and Orange County dueled in the conference championship, the latter winning the first two bouts and the former winning the second two. Both of the Otters' trips to the Ultimus ended with victories, including their fifth overall title in Season 13 against Micycle McCormick and the Colorado Yeti.

Soon there was another significant change, as Franklin Armstrong (moonlight) ascended to the quarterback post in Season 17. Armstrong revitalized a team that had not won the championship since the Ultimus against the Yeti (such a long drought) and took them in his first three seasons to three more title wins, extending the team's record to eight Ultimus rings. Season 19, the last season in the threepeat, also ended up as the last season with speculadora as head GM. Like Molar before him, speculadora was succeeded by his most recent co-GM, @'Laser'. Laser and @Revolution5 would be the management duo in Orange County from that point, including the Season 22 Ultimus game.

This recounting is obviously far less extensive than the tens of thousands of words written above on their latest Ultimus opponent. But the comparison is obvious. There was no team more privileged, more dominant, more accustomed to success than the Otters. Winning was in their blood. There were no ghosts, no wretched failures or past sins dragging down the franchise like the Yeti were burdened with. They were a dynasty, plain and simple. The most cursory comparison of the franchises to this point reveals the stark difference.



The Otters of Season 22 were more of the same. They achieved a 10-3 record, only losing twice to the Sabercats and once to the Copperheads while boasting a great offense and exceptional defense. After landing the top seed of the conference, the Otters advanced to the Ultimus Bowl through a barnstormer matchup with Austin, 50-38, in which they started the game with a 30-0 lead. It was a severe contrast to the icy Yellowknife-Colorado match playing in the other conference.



Quarterback: Even for a franchise that once housed the arguably greatest quarterback of all time, Armstrong excelled. He ascended to the big leagues after two seasons in the DSFL and immediately led the team to three straight titles, combining production through the air and on the ground. By Season 22, Armstrong had won MVP three times straight and played a good enough year that he earned his fourth Pro Bowl nod.

Running Back: Thankfully for the Yeti, the Tatsu Nakamura (@qWest) that headlined the backfield of this season's Otters was also a rookie and not yet in his legendary prime. Nakamura led a three-headed monster of himself, Armstrong, and Armstrong's S15 classmate Bigby (@TheWoZy), with each runner going over 600 yards and the unit as a whole tying for the league lead with 18 rushing touchdowns.

Wide Receiver: The Season 22 Otters were very thin at the receiver position proper. With Armstrong's former wideout of choice lost to expansion, his new top target became Mongo (speculadora), a long-time team contributor but never before the standout option. It was a down year for receiver production across the league, and Mongo followed suit with only 871 yards to pair with the 542 of Trunks (@Lemon). One might be confused, therefore, where all of Armstrong's yards came from, were it not for the existence of…

Tight End: The combination of Phillips (@DrunkenTeddy) and Irving (@contacts) went for almost identical yardage with the Otters receiving pair. Both were new additions to the team, but while Irving was an S15 vet previously kicking around on the Outlaws, Phillips was a true-blooded rookie. Neither was all that extraordinary as a blocker, but that didn't get in the way of Phillips nabbing a Pro Bowl selection in his first career year.

Defensive Line: Like Nakamura, the player-known-in-the-future-as-BigEddi ForeverYeti (@Big Edd) was just getting his career started by the time of the Ultimus. His snaps in the interior got crowded out by the older Eagle (@rapideagle) and the considerably older Skarsgard (@MrStennett), though the three of them as a unit managed eleven tackles for loss and fourteen sacks. Lazer-Eyes (@Sweetwater) and Boucher (@BigUnitBabs) on the edge served as little more than complementary pieces, partly why Orange County beat only Honolulu in tackles for loss.

Linebacker: As in many other spots, the linebackers of the Otters were split between the young and the old. Grievous (@Rising Equinox) hailed back from the S15 Draft, with five Pro Bowls to his name and the only Linebacker of the Year award since Season 18 not to belong to Mo Berry, and Jones (@Forty Jordy) was yet another rookie. The veteran proved unsurprisingly to have the more productive campaign of the two and added eight sacks and eleven deflections to his resume.

Secondary: The most oppressive part of Orange County's defense undoubtedly belonged to the secondary. Vegeta (@jeffie43), a second-year contributor and the only one of the five with a sim rating below 98, earned a Pro Bowl running alongside Biggums (@Revolution5) in the safety department. The other three served as the team's corners in various formations, although Lattimer (@TeyonSchavari) proved the flashiest of the bunch with five interceptions (tied for first) and 24 deflections (first) as part of his Pro Bowl season.

Special Teams: Armstrong was not the only Otters S15 draftee to wind up as a top 5 all-time player at their position. Dasistwirklichseinnachname (@BigKicks), whose name I shall only spell out the once, had two Kicker of the Year awards and one Punter of the Year in the bag before taking his sixth career trip to the Pro Bowl in Season 22. He went a perfect 34/34 on extra points, missed two of his 31 field goal attempts, and punted only 68 times for 3216 yards and a solid 47.3 average. Abernathy (@'Laser') and Dream (@scorycory) shared kick returns to the former's slight advantage while the latter commanded every punt.

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II: ANTICIPATION

The NSFC championship game against Yellowknife aired on Monday, May 25, 2020. With the Ultimus set to air two days later, that gave the Colorado war room only around a day to sim test before their strats needed to be submitted by 8:00 PM on May 26. The primary crew in charge of testing strategies consisted of woelkers, infinite, and TVC, up against the fearsome Orange County sim testing apparatus.

On offense, the Yeti planned to run a spread playbook, the same strategy they had used in every game of the season with the sole exception of the Yellowknife championship. Woelkers floated another GM's suggestion to run 3-3-5 on defense as opposed to their normal 4-2 nickel package, which would have moved one of the lineman to linebacker alongside Berry and Gabagool. The morning passed by, and infinite underwent his graduate school thesis defense in the meantime.

Woelkers conducted his first sim tests in the early afternoon. The 3-3-5 tests ranged between 29% and 37%, not unexpected given the difficulty of Orange County on the road, but his tests with the normal nickel package yielded a win probability in one batch of 43%. This obviously merited looking into, but when infinite jumped on a few hours later, his best tests of the nickel runs were capping out around 32-33%. He went to verify his best-performing findings while TVC joined in and ran her own tests – 28-30%, on par with infinite – and the second batch came back looking very similar to his first.



Colorado's belief was that Orange County thought they'd be running the OCO Spread offense, and both TVC and woelkers tested under the assumption that the Otters would be playing 3-4 against run heavy plays and nickel against the pass. Woelkers' tests did indicate that Orange County would get better results against Colorado's spread with a full nickel defense. Meanwhile, infinite's latest attempts showed that the team's spread offense from the Wild Card game worked well enough against both 3-4 and nickel, around 32%.

Then TVC threw a curveball into the mix. Running a hybrid spread-west coast package into Orange County's 3-4 defense yielded a 45% win rate, above even woelker's tests. Both TVC and infinite went to double check, but infinite's results did not show anything close to it, with a 27% rate against 3-4 and a 31% rate against nickel. He went to pick up burgers with his girlfriend as celebration for the successful thesis defense, saying before he left that he'd rather run the WC strats. TVC and woelkers debated which to submit before deciding to play it safe rather than swinging for the fences – surely the Otters would assume correctly that the Yeti were going spread, and surely, they would also find full nickel a better defense than the nickel/3-4 combo as woelkers had. The WC strategy was therefore a better bet.

But it turned out that they still had an extra hour to think things through, now with Duke and nunc joining the fray and with infinite back from getting good. Duke's results matched infinite and woelkers, but nunc's testing ranged upwards of 39%, which confounded the group thoroughly. Why exactly were two of them getting much better results than the other three with the exact same strats? This late hysteria didn't ultimately change their decision, and the Yeti still rolled out the WC playbook for the Ultimus.



For infinite, there would be no one-day wait for the stream. As a Head Office member, infinite usually watched game sims with bex, the commissioner, and @manicmav36, the simmer. This duty didn't technically extend to the Ultimus, but since he also was in charge of designing the site's Ultimus winner forum banners, he'd need to know the outcome before the stream anyways. Long story short, infinite watched the game on May 26 with manic and bex, right after defending his Master's thesis and working on the sim strategy for hours. What a day.

@infinitempg: you are an inspiration. I am astounded by what you are capable of, both as a member of this community and in the real world. Twenty seasons of pain is far too much time to spend hurting; I hope tonight can be the night we end your suffering. You deserve it, and there is little I would not do to give it to you.

Of the 77 people who predicted either Orange County or Colorado to win the Ultimus in the playoff predictions point task, 71 of them picked the Otters. Yes, the main culprit for that absurd proportion is the high number of predictions for the Wraiths, but it is very likely that a one-on-one Ultimus game predictions task would have similarly favored Orange County. They were viewed as the better team, plain and simple. The Yeti were and always would be the Yeti.

The wait finally ended on May 27, 2020 at 8:12 PM. The Tijuana Luchadores were the season's Ultimini champions courtesy of a snoozefest 10-6 victory against the London Royals. After a short broadcasting break, the stream showed a hype video made by infinite for the game:

No matter what happens tonight, the Colorado Yeti are a special community. Each and every one of you deserves this, so breathe in the moment, and remember what it took to get this far. This team is what greatness looks like.

Thank you all. #OurTurn #YetiNoises

This was it. David against Goliath. Two of the league's founding teams, one with no rings and the other with eight. A rematch of the Ultimus game nine seasons earlier. The endless rebuild, the constant ridicule, the fights and scandals and drama, the highs and the staggering lows, the embarrassments and the mediocrity – all of it, the culmination of 22 seasons, led to this moment, at 8:12 PM, when the game kicked off and the world turned upside down.

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III: SURGE

14:58 in the 1st Quarter. 0-0 tie.
Colorado ball, 1st and 10 at the COL 6.
34.5% win probability.

The game began off the leg of Alex D., who booted the ball all the way to the one-yard line before Purchase returned it for five yards. This lack of breathing room only added to the inexperienced roster's nerves. A pass to Owens on first down was dropped, a checkdown to Owens gained no yards, and McDummy's third down pass to backup tight end Robertowski also ended up dropped. The Yeti went three-and-out and gained no yards to boot. Only a killer punt could salvage this start; unfortunately, Banana whiffed hard, and the punt sailed only 34 yards down the field.



13:57 in the 1st Quarter. 0-0 tie.
Orange County ball, 1st and 10 at the COL 40.
27.9% win probability.

Gifted with incredible field position, the Otters would only need one first down to get within easy field goal range. Bigby carried the ball to the left outside for four yards on first, and a pass from Armstrong to Trunks in the middle made up most of the remaining distance. Bigby then powered ahead for the short third down conversion. He pounded the rock again on the next first down, but he was stuffed in the middle by Magic for only a yard's gain.

Unfortunately, the Otters adjusted. A tricky second-and-long turned into a long fourteen-yard gain through the hands of Trunks for a second time in the drive, and Armstrong's quarterback scramble went for half the distance on a new first down. Bigby followed suit with six yards to get the Otters on the two-yard line and with a first-and-goal situation. The Yeti could not stiffen their resistance in time, and Nakamura's first carry of the game propelled him into the end zone for the game's first points.

9:48 in the 1st Quarter. 7-0 OCO.
Colorado ball, 1st and 10 at the COL 32.
20.7% win probability.

Maybe this was just the jolt needed to wake the Yeti up. Purchase took the kickoff out of the end zone and up to the 32. Then Grievous deflected a pass meant for Sauce on first down, and a too many men penalty on Vincent knocked Colorado to a second-and-fifteen. Vincent redeemed himself partly by rushing for seven yards, but McDummy sealed the deal by finally finding Owens for ten and the team's first first down. Another two incompletions later and another third-and-long inbound, McDummy threw to Bishop far enough to move the chains again.

It still wasn't quite momentum, as testified by the immediate false start on Sauce and a missed throw to Arrow. But they were getting down the field, and they crossed midfield on a short Bishop reception. Bishop then caught it again for a long seventeen-yard conversion, setting up two gashes by Owens that brought Colorado right into the red zone. McDummy was tackled for a short loss, and Owens got nowhere, so the offense went back to the air on third down only for McDummy to get intercepted by Lattimer on a slant intended for Sauce. Just like that, the drive was over.

3:20 in the 1st Quarter. 7-0 OCO.
Orange County ball, 1st and 10 at the OCO 20.
17.5% win probability.

Orange County's second drive of the game, and first play on their own side of the field, began with an unceremonious two-yard rush by Armstrong. Parker deflected a second down toss to Phillips, leaving the Otters in a third-and-long that they converted by the skin of their teeth on an Irving catch. Then came the rushing rotation, nine yards on two carries by Bigby followed by six yards on two carries by Nakamura.

An illegal block penalty on Nakamura pushed the offense into a long second down at the top of the second quarter. Armstrong stayed cool, completing a dump off to Bigby to set up a long nineteen-yard strike to Phillips on third down. Then, after a three-yard Nakamura rush on first down, Phillips was called for holding on the second big penalty of the drive. One run that went nowhere and an incomplete pass later, Orange County finally found a long third down they couldn't convert and stalled out near midfield. Alex D.'s punt resulted in a touchback.

12:07 in the 2nd Quarter. 7-0 OCO.
Colorado ball, 1st and 10 at the COL 20.
18.2% win probability.

The Yeti's drive got off to an inauspicious start when Boucher came screaming off the edge for a sack on first down. Put into the same second-and-long situation as the Otters the drive before, McDummy found Bishop once to make up half the distance but targeted him a second time for an incompletion. Banana sent another mediocre punt for 40 yards, which was returned by Dream for five.

10:41 in the 2nd Quarter. 7-0 OCO.
Orange County ball, 1st and 10 at the OCO 42.
13.7% win probability.

The Otters took advantage of their good field position. An eight-yard dash by Nakamura got the offense flowing early, preceding a pass to Irving of the same distance that easily moved the chains. Armstrong targeted Mongo the next play and found him fifteen yards down the field and knocking on the red zone. Bigby got them halfway there on a good first down run, but Armstrong turned to Mongo again on second down, striking for the remaining 23 yards and finding paydirt once more. With the extra point in hand, the home team were now up two scores.

7:28 in the 2nd Quarter. 14-0 OCO.
Colorado ball, 1st and 10 at the COL 43.
7.5% win probability.

Purchase gambled on himself to light some fire under the Yeti, taking the kickoff out of the endzone and 43 yards down the field. Sure enough, they started to hum along. Most touches flowed into the ground game, where Vincent's first two carries set up an easy conversion attempt that Owens barreled past. McDummy broke up the rhythm with a first down pass to Bishop for seven yards, but then it was back in the hands of Owens, who stalled on second but saved the drive with a third down conversion.

With the ball at Orange County's 28-yard line, Vincent ploughed forward for a few on first down. McDummy dropped back to pass again, but pressure was waiting for him – this time up the middle from Skarsgard, who dropped him for a loss of six yards. Facing third-and-long, McDummy settled for a checkdown pass to Owens to make up some yardage and set up Banana for the team's first points. He followed through with a successful field goal from 43 yards out and cut the deficit to eleven.

2:53 in the 2nd Quarter. 14-3 OCO.
Orange County ball, 1st and 10 at the OCO 23.
7.7% win probability.

Nearly three minutes before halftime was plenty opportunity enough for the Otters to get some more points on the board. After Abernathy returned Banana's kick seventeen yards, Blackstone sniffed out Armstrong's attempted run and tackled him for a two-yard loss on first down. Most of the distance to the chains was made up on a pass to Trunks, leaving Nakamura with a third-and-three that he managed to make. Here the Otters used their first timeout with less than two minutes to spare.

Armstrong fired a dud in the direction of Irving, but Nakamura rushed for eleven yards on second down to move the offense and prompt another timeout. The third came after a short run by Bigby, which meant the clock kept running after Bigby made up most of the distance the next play and after Nakamura failed to push forward the necessary yard on third down. Ultimately, they failed to break onto Colorado's side of the field and punted it off with essentially no time on the clock left for any Yeti trickery.

14:57 in the 3rd Quarter. 14-3 OCO.
Orange County ball, 1st and 10 at the OCO 12.
8.4% win probability.

Banana's kickoff pinned Orange County deep in their own territory, even with Abernathy's return granting a sliver of breathing room. Nakamura ran for only a yard on first down before being taken down by Scott. But the predicament ended soon afterwards off the arm of Armstrong, completing passes of twelve and ten yards to his tight ends to get the offense back into workable positioning. Nakamura did his part too with a pair of good runs that brought the ball right to midfield.

After Armstrong ran for yet another first down, Nakamura's next attempt went nowhere productive. But again the passing game delivered, this time through the hands of Mongo, and again Nakamura popped off with two more runs into the red zone. Irving dropped a pass to bring up third-and-seven, which Bigby converted not on the ground but through the air. Berry stuffed Nakamura at the five-yard line, leading the offense to call Bigby's number once more. This time he was back in the run game and sealed the drive with the team's third touchdown.

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IV: RIPOSTE

…after a day of intense stress already, my emotions were amplified. Bex and manic obviously enjoyed themselves, but by the time we were down 21-3 I was very disappointed - and they were disappointed for me. Manic knows what it's like to lose Ultimus games, and so we were all a little down.

7:49 in the 3rd Quarter. 21-3 OCO.
Colorado ball, 1st and 10 at the COL 40.
1.4% win probability.



Alex D.'s kickoff landed inside the three-yard line, but Owens evaded enough gunners to make it all the way to the 40. There the Yeti again leaned on the rushing corps early. However, after runs by Vincent and Owens failed to reach a first down, McDummy moved the chains with a fourteen-yard toss to Dropson. Vincent's next rush was stuffed, so McDummy again made up most of the distance with the help of Robertkowski and set up an easy third-and-short for Owens.

When Owens failed to gain traction on first down, McDummy took the offense into his own hands. Twice in four plays he tried to find Bishop and couldn't seal the connection; the other two times he gained chunk yardage by passing to Lim and Sauce instead. That final completion moved the Yeti to a first down three yards shy of the endzone. Rather than hand it off, McDummy spun his wheels and plowed forward to make the scoring situation a little less dire.

2:29 in the 3rd Quarter. 21-10 OCO.
Orange County ball, 1st and 10 at the OCO 3.
4.9% win probability.

The Otters began their next drive in a terrible position thanks to the efforts of Banana and the Yeti special teams. It looked initially like that wouldn't matter – Armstrong, Nakamura, and Bigby each took their turn at the helm, leading to two converted first downs and some much-needed wiggle room. Trunks caught a short pass on first, but Phillips proceeded to drop the ball, leaving a third-and-seven. Armstrong dropped back to pass and found himself under immediate duress by Blackstone, who wrapped him up for Colorado's first sack of the day. Alex D. was forced to punt it off with the clock reaching the end of the quarter.

15:00 in the 4th Quarter. 21-10 OCO.
Colorado ball, 1st and 10 at the COL 48.
6.7% win probability.

Colorado needed points expeditiously. Another favorable punt return by Owens gave them a good head start, as did fifteen yards on two rushes by Vincent and a 21-yard out route by Arrow. Biggums broke up a pass meant for Sauce, leaving Vincent to successfully convert the third down to the thirteen-yard line. Owens rushed for four, Robertkowski caught McDummy;s pass for five, and Vincent ploughed through Orange County's third down defense for the final four yards needed to score. Crucially, the Yeti also scored on the two-point conversion, leaving them behind only by a field goal.

10:38 in the 4th Quarter. 21-18 OCO.
Orange County ball, 1st and 10 at the OCO 25.
21.5% win probability.

But the league's most notorious dynasty was not about to roll over. Purchase deflected Armstrong's first pass of the drive meant for Phillips, but Armstrong went right back to his tight end and threw a 31-yard bomb, the longest play of the game for either team thus far. It wasn't too late to hold the Otters out of kick range, with a Nakamura stuff on first and an incomplete pass to Mongo on second, but Phillips caught the ball on third down and made it seven yards to the 37-yard line.

To Colorado's dismay, they did not settle for a long field goal try. Bigby took the ball around the left end on fourth down and converted with room to spare, handing his team a fresh new chance. Nakamura touched the ball the next three plays on a run, incomplete pass, and run that brought them right to the red zone. Short plays by Bigby and Nakamura led to a third-and-six. If Colorado allowed the Otters to score a touchdown here, it would take a near miracle to make up the deficit in the time remaining.

Armstrong snapped the ball, and all four of his primary receivers went out to run some short slants and outs. The Yeti played an aggressive man-to-man, leaving only Scott in a middle zone while sending both Gabagool and Berry on a blitz. Nakamura hung back to pick up the free rusher, in this case Berry, but the greatest running back of all time in his youth fell short against one of the greatest linebackers of all time in his prime, and Berry broke free on a sprint to the quarterback. The seven-yard sack caused the biggest single-play change in win probability to this point, spiking the odds of Colorado victory from 4.5% to 19.58%. Orange County settled for a field goal.

4:39 in the 4th Quarter. 24-18 OCO.
Colorado ball, 1st and 10 at the COL 28.
15.65% win probability.

It felt like time slowed down on the last drive - and that's partially because it literally did. Manic, in his evil eeevil ways, slowed down the sim speed to nearly its slowest speed.

The ball was in Colorado's court. A touchdown would give them their first lead of the game; any other outcome would almost certainly end it. It looked at the outset like the Yeti were about to squander this generational opportunity, with a deflected attempt by Dream and a drop by Sauce quickly spiraling into a third-and-ten. McDummy stayed cool under the figurative and literal pressure, avoiding the defenders pushing up the interior and tossing a nineteen-yard arc to Bishop on a go route.

18.49% win probability.

After Owens rushed for a single yard, and Vincent caught the checkdown for thrice that amount, the Yeti again faced a long third down right near midfield. McDummy located Owens on a seam and passed to him right at the sticks for a completed conversion. Owens was not satisfied with just moving the chains, however, and danced around the defenders all the way down to the 16-yard line, a completion of 32 yards in total. Here the Yeti took a timeout to stop the clock with 2:15 to play.

31.48% win probability.

Vincent took the ball forward six yards on first down, prompting the team's second timeout with only 1:26 remaining. McDummy took the ball and rolled out to his left. Owens was open on the right side of the field, his defender having peeled off to chase McDummy, and Dropson sat uncovered on a short curl to the left that would have easily converted and possibly gone for a touchdown. But McDummy did not look their way. Instead, as he had all game, all season, and all of his career, he zeroed in on his favorite target, Bishop, who started double covered on a hitch but came loose on a delayed slant once McDummy began moving.

He caught the ball for a ten-yard touchdown.

67.17% win probability.

38 seconds on the clock. The Otters returned the ball to their 41-yard line. Bigby ran the ball for five, they called a timeout, Phillips caught one for seven. There was no time left for a first down, not even to attempt a desperation 68-yard field goal. It was all over.

100% win probability.

The Colorado Yeti were league champions.









Nothing can quite sum up the sheer exhilaration of victory. It was a sight many in the league simply assumed they would never see – Colorado, triumphant at long last. The Yeti had truly gone to hell and back. The league would go on, as it always did, and the team wouldn't be on top forever, as has always happened. Yet for now, for this glorious moment, there was nothing sweeter in the world.

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CREDITS



A wise man once told me through podcast that I don’t need any more money from media. Was he right? Yes. Doesn’t mean I have to listen to him.

Thank you so much for reading this series (or skipping to the end). I knew this would be a Herculanean effort from the start; I somehow still underestimated the amount of time and effort I would end up sinking into this project. It has been a labor of love, of toil, and of frustration since last September.

Even an article series this long should not take the better part of a year to complete. Progress on the project was continually stop-and-start. I had three sections done by December, but for a variety of reasons related to school, work, and a general creative block, progress on the fourth did not resume in earnest until April.

But regardless, the project is finished. Not to toot my own horn, but I am confident that this is the single longest continuous piece of media ever published in the ISFL, taking the crown from its long-time holder, this article from IsaStarcrossed. Of course that apparently took him less than two weeks to put together, but we can’t all be that fast.

I was sorely tempted to use the excellent EPA win probability model constructed by infinite on this game, but unfortunately DDSPF 16 is a completely different beast and a new one would need to be made from scratch. Such a task would be an outsized labor relative to its benefits. But we make do with the tools available, and thus I employed Pro Football Reference's Win Probability Calculator. It is attuned to the NFL, not the ISFL, and perfect accuracy is far from likely. But I believe the rough shapes of its calculations hold water when examining this Ultimus.

It takes a village to assemble a research article of this magnitude, and I want to once again thank the many users who contributed their time and effort whenever I approached them out of the blue to obtain their knowledge:

@bex
@C9Van
@iamslm22
@iStegosauruz
@JKortesi81
@JuOSu
@Muford
@Starboy
@woelkers

There are two users in particular who merit special thanks: @sapp2013 and @infinitempg. There are so many details and parts of Colorado history that simply would not be here without their help. They went above and beyond to answer everything I threw their way, providing invaluable insight when hardly any other contemporaneous sources are even still active in the league. Quite frankly, were it not for their contributions, this series would not exist. They deserve so many kudos.

Thanks to everyone who helped. Thanks to all my teammates and colleagues who make the league enjoyable. Thanks to everyone in the queer community here, those who are out and those who are not, for your relentless courage. Thanks to all my readers past and present for all the feedback I’ve received on my media – you have no idea how gratifying it is to hear. Most of all, thanks to the Colorado Yeti for providing such a perfect canvas for a narrative of drama, misery, and triumph. If at least one person mentions this article in your locker room I will forgive you for not drafting Ferraro.

Toodles!

Sources and Further Reading

[ztarwarz]

goddammit why'd you have to post this for this season of all points.

I wanted the Gemini for the best series of articles

[moonlight]

Great article @Baron1898 and all the other contributors. While Ultimus Bowl XXII was the worst game I've experienced since I joined this league in S13, it was a clearly a very important game in ISFL history. I'm glad to have been a part of it.

[.Laser]

i still have PTSD from this godforsaken game. I could tell that we were gonna lose as soon as the second half kicked off and I drank nearly an entire bottle of vodka that night

[IsaStarcrossed]

Well, this is it. Hell of a job Baron. This is the single best bit of media that this league has ever seen and likely ever will. This was an incredible journey, holy hell.

[Baron1898]

Well, this is it. Hell of a job Baron. This is the single best bit of media that this league has ever seen and likely ever will. This was an incredible journey, holy hell.

This is the highest compliment I could imagine – thank you so much, and I’m glad you liked it!

[18situaseans]

Holy hell. This is by far the biggest series of media in ISFL history. Can’t believe it took a year of hard work and dedication. OUTSTANDING series Baron. That’s my teammate!

[sapp2013]

     

Thank you so much for writing this! Words cannot express my gratitude for sharing this story with the rest of the league and immortalizing the Yeti's history in story.

With that being said, this is my swan song despite me not actually writing it and only contributing to single-digit GM wins over like 5 years of GMing the Yeti. I will be leaving the community for good after answering any sort of questions from people who want more information on the early years of the Yeti. Y'all can still reach me on discord, however, I will be leaving all but the Yeti's lockerroom, so it may be difficult to find me. Thank you all for contributing to my enjoyment here, especially Infinite, S8 Outlaws, and S22 Otters. 

Sapp, Out.

[infinitempg]

this gave me all the feels. i'm so glad you told the (mostly painful) story of the Colorado Yeti, and i'm so happy i could help you in this. this whole process brought me back to some great memories and some not so great memories - and i got to go through a lot of super old chats lol

easily the greatest media to ever come out in the league!

--

actually, if there's one change i could make - not enough micycle and wolfie slander!

[woelkers]

Unbelievable work, Baron. Exciting to relive all of this through your lens, I am grateful to have been able to contribute to perhaps the finest piece of media this league will ever see.