04-29-2019, 12:59 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-04-2019, 07:36 AM by Fordhammer.)
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]The Nest
Draft Special Edition: A Triple Topic Takedown of the Upcoming Draft
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Draft season! What a time to be alive. Prospects hoping to get drafted by the right team, teams hoping to not overdraft duds that could set them back for years, and media writers hoping to earn all the money through the incredibly generous double pay.
Last year, a ton of media attention was directed towards the famous S14 Draft, a staggeringly massive class of over 100 hopefuls. That rookie class is now all grown up, and even though retention has taken its toll on the number of prospects still kicking around, its still a nearly unprecedented wave of newcomers that prompted the addition of two new expansion teams just to meet capacity.
But there are only ten picks in the first round, and at least double that in worthy, active prospects. So which players will make the cut? A perfect storm of influences all goes into a selection: scouting, TPE, activity, handshake deals, and positional needs, as well as a bevy of secondary concerns that could make or break a GM’s decision. The draft is an inexact science, more so now than it has been for many seasons, and predicting with 100% certainty will be nigh impossible. So instead, this special edition of The Nest will run down the likely candidates and give the odds of being selected in the first round according to me. Plus I’ll do my own mock draft at the end of the article and reasoning for each pick, as well as a brief rundown of the newest contenders for the S15 DSFL Draft.
Why? Because I’m a filthy addict who needs more of that sweet sweet double draft cash.
So let’s get started, shall we?
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Part 1: May the Odds Be Ever In Your Favor
Assuming that Gimmy Jarappolo somehow falls out of the first round, there are ten open slots and nine teams looking to either build a young core, sustain a championship machine, load up for a complete rebuild or, in the case of the expansion teams, begin constructing a roster entirely from scratch. Let’s take a look at the lucky candidates.
99% — Johnny Slothface — LB — slothfacekilla
123 Tck, 1 FF, 4 Sck, 3 PD
Slothface is a near guarantee to go in the top three, let alone the top ten. Consistently active, highly trained, and highly productive prospect at a position of need for many teams, Slothface is sure to find his name called by a team using a well-deserved first round pick to grab instant defensive help and a key anchor in the front seven for many years to come.
95% — Quenton Bode — LB — terriblehippo
115 Tck, 3 TFL, 1 FF, 1 FR, 6 Sck, 2 Int, 6 PD, 1 TD
Linebacker is arguably the most important position on the defense, and high TPE linebackers are coveted by teams looking to build a potential championship roster. Bode helped anchor a historic Marshals defense in the DSFL and recorded impressive stats. Expect one of the expansion teams to grab Bode if he falls to the mid-first round.
90% — Morgan Marshall — RB — EnfysNest
318 Att, 1513 Yds, 13 TD, 42 Rec, 336 Yds, 6 TD
The most prolific offensive weapon in the draft class has a great chance to land high. While many of the higher picks are held by teams with young and established starters at running back, the back half of the first half is littered with ideal situations for teams to take a back like Marshall who can provide versatility and production for years to come.
80% — Nero Alexander — DE — shadyshoelace
41 Tck, 12 TFL, 8 Sck, 1 Sfty
The defensive lines of many teams lack viable and active starters. Enter Nero Alexander, yet another Marshals alumni that can be inserted into a starting role immediately and instantly raise a defense. Alexander is the clear-cut top prospect at a position of need, making a fall into later rounds improbable.
75% — Chase Jensen — TE — dizzyDC
65 Rec, 817 Yds, 1 TD
Jensen is a top TPE earner and dedicated player as well as a DSFL GM, and many teams need to fill a hole at tight end. Any of those teams could use a first rounder to give their quarterback a steady weapon and safety blanket that help contribute in the running and passing game.
75% — Franklin Armstrong — QB — moonlight
239 Comp, 400 Att, 2614 Yds, 59.8 Pct, 22 TD, 11 Int, 86 Rat
Franklin Armstrong is the undisputed top quarterback prospect, in a shallow class, in a draft where multiple teams are looking to groom heirs to aging starters. Both Colorado and New Orleans are top candidates to pick Armstrong in the first round, and either expansion team could select a quarterback of the future with Armstrong. There remains a chance that Armstrong falls all the way to Colorado’s second round pick at #12, which is where I’d set the limit for how far Armstrong will drop.
55% — Richard D’Attoria V — S — 124715
64 Tck, 1 TFL, 2 FF, 3 FR, 7 Sck, 1 Int, 1 PD
The secondary is the most loaded positional group in the draft, and a number of blue chip talents are likely to fall and provide great value picks in later rounds. D’Attoria stands one of the best chances to land a first round slot. He narrowly edges out Walt Green for the most TPE in the safety class and thus can easily be projected as a later first rounder to provide a young defensive boost.
50% — Xerxes Ridley — CB — plantane
50 Tck, 1 FR, 1 Int, 11 PD
Without Emondov Emoji in the market, Ridley is the best cornerback freely available to pick. A team might find themselves preferring a different defensive back just based on best fit, but Ridley had a good season as a lockdown corner in the DSFL and could potentially serve starting time on a professional roster depending on which team takes a gander on him.
50% — Ricardo Morris — DT — Roly
39 Tck, 6 Sck
Like Nero, Ricardo Morris is the undisputed top dog in a neglected position group. Basically every team could use a DT as an immediate starter, and Morris is also an established user and consistently active. The question is whether any team needs Morris enough in the first round to forgo filling any other positional needs.
40% — Cameron Olsen — TE — Rradum
66 Rec, 453 Yds, 3 TD
If Chase Jensen is a clear number one tight end, then Cameron Olsen is the clear number two. Olsen could possibly benefit from weak tight end starters in the NSFL, which means that a majority of teams covet an active and improving future starter at the position. But Olsen has a good chance to fall into the second or even early third round depending on how teams value TEs in this draft.
40% — Mo Berry — LB — Frick_Nasty
88 Tck, 3 TFL, 1 FF, 6 Sck, 2 Int, 8 PD
The other Bash Brother, Berry isn’t likely to land as high as fellow Marshal Quenton Bode but may be unduly overlooked in the draft. Berry is a top three linebacker in the class and could go higher than many expect to an expansion team or other candidate, able to supplement any team’s defense or pick up a year of training back in the DSFL.
40% — Walt Green — S — Duilio05
66 Tck, 2 FF, 1 FR, 7 Int, 17 PD
The final member of the Fabulous Five on this list. Green is unfortunate to play as a safety in a super deep class, and is likely to come off the board after D’Attoria. But a selection in the later half of the first round is not implausible given a decent number of teams needing secondary help.
35% — Lanzer Grievous — LB — Rising Equinox
92 Tck, 1 TFL, 3 FF, 1 Sck, 4 PD
Around this point, these prospects will probably only come off the board if a massive spending spree occurs at their position or if a team falls in love with a particular prospect. Grievous is the fourth best linebacker on the board, and if both expansion teams decide to build around a linebacker then Grievous has a shot at coming off the board in the first round.
30% — Ahri Espeeyeeseetee — WR — steelsound
75 Rec, 873 Yds, 4 TD
Put some respect on Mr. Espeeyeeseetee, who served up the best rookie wide receiver season of this class. But a lot of teams have more pressing needs than WR, and aside from Marshall and Jensen, most offensive skill positions aren’t really locks for first round selections, even if they have the TPE and activity to back it up.
25% — Forrest Gump — RB — TomHanks
207 Att, 1070 Yds, 18 TD, 15 Rec, 91 Yds, 1 TD
Taffy’s a better prospect, but Gump has name recognition and a far superior stat line in the DSFL. Both of them are likely to go off the board in the second round, but if a team in the later first round feels that running back is their most pressing need, then Gump has a decent shot of being picked.
25% — Brock Landers — WR — gucci
57 Rec, 727 Yds, 1 TD
The controversial quarterback turned wide receiver has turned his life around and is neck and neck with Ahri for the crown of the most active wide receiver. He faces the same issues of a lack of a burning need by a team worthy of a first round pick, and will almost assuredly be selected in the early second round for great value.
20% — Edmond Beaver-Dantes — OL — Beaver
36 Pan, 2 Sck Allowed
Beaver-Dantes would be a massive overdraft in the first round. But going by name recognition alone, the offensive lineman would be a consistently active starter and eventually provide good value for his drafting team. Is it first round worthy? I wouldn’t say so.
15% — Jay Longshaw — QB — dropbear
226 Comp, 420 Att, 2409 Yds, 53.8 Pct, 11 TD, 14 Int, 65.7 Rat
Whichever of the quarterback-hungry teams loses out on the Armstrong sweepstakes realistically only has one real shot at a future starting quarterback in Jay Longshaw. The scarcity alone makes an overdraft in the first plausible. However, I think that the expansion teams will choose to attack other needs in the first round, and if Colorado cannot grab Armstrong before NOLA, they could easily secure Longshaw with pick #12 instead of using #7.
15% — Fatih Terim — S — Eco
77 Tck, 2 Sck, 1 Int, 3 PD
The depth in the secondary class is tragic for many talented players, Mister Terim included. It’s just hard to envision a scenario wherein three safeties go in the top ten. The Solar Bear might find a landing spot if a particular team values him over Green or D’Attoria, but a later round pick is far more likely.
15% — Terry Taffy — RB — KingCollins
197 Att, 837 Yds, 2 TD, 43 Rec, 390 Yds
Taffy could land somewhere in the back half of the first round if a team really wants a RB. Is it very likely? The drop off in value between RBs in the second tier really isn’t that high, meaning that a team would be better off drafting in a shallow position and leaving RB for later rounds.
10% — Guy Nikko — LB — Duress
74 Tck, 1 TFL, 1 FF, 10 Sck, 3 Int, 3 PD
There’s too many LBs for Nikko to have a realistic shot unless he and a GM really hit it off. It’s another casualty of this huge draft class. It does, however, mean that being drafted outside of the first no longer automatically means you are inactive, which is good news for teams needing lots of pieces to fill holes and could use Nikko’s talents.
10% — Lamont McKinnie — S — SouljaBoy2007
79 Tck, 2 TFL
The fourth safety on this list. McKinnie’s selection would certainly be a shock, especially if he goes above the top two. It’s not impossible, but technically Ronald St. James III could go first overall so nothing’s impossible.
5% — Rod Tidwell — WR — SDCore
78 Rec, 902 Yds, 5 TD
A fantastic rookie season and a healthy heaping of Kwan doesn’t disguise that an unfriendly market for wide receivers won’t be partial to drafting the third best receiver in the class. Like many of these talented players, Tidwell has the misfortune of being part of one of the biggest rookie classes of all time.
5% — Brave Ulysses — OL — PaytonM34
53 Pan, 1 Sck Allowed
Brave Ulysses is actually the highest earning and best performing offensive lineman by a good margin. The key weakness in a first round grade is just the comparative value of a lineman when stacked up against other skill positions on both sides of the ball, especially once you consider that Ulysses would almost certainly spend more time in the DSFL before joining an NSFL roster.
Dark Horse Candidates: Lucas Knight (CB), Lightsout Lewis (LB), Logan Uchiha (S), Jammerson Irving (TE), Ryan Leaf Jr. (DT)
A couple other players have outside shots at a first round pick. Knight and Uchiha will likely get lost in the sea of active and high TPE secondary players, while Lewis is outclassed by too many other linebackers to make a top ten selection plausible. Similarly, a third tight end in the top ten stretches credulity. Anyone who uses a high pick on Ryan Leaf Jr. shouldn’t be a GM.
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Part 2: The Baron’s Official S15 NSFL Mock Draft
To be completely honest, this is a rather unmockable draft - ten teams in the mix, two of which are starting largely from scratch, and a muddled hierarchy among prospects that differs tremendously from the drafts of years past, where the order of picks could be easily predicted just by looking at activity. But I’ve gotta try anyway, partly for fun and partly because I don’t have the access to see the draft picks in the NSFL Events Committee Discord. After pouring over TPE, activity, team budgets, and each team’s needs and wants, I have fashioned together a one round, ten pick NSFL mock draft that will probably be thoroughly busted on draft night. Happy trails.
With the first overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Arizona Outlaws select… Nero Alexander, DE from Northwestern!
Team Needs: S, DE, WR, CB
It’s really hard to pass up one of the two top linebackers here, but the Outlaws have much less depth at other parts of the defense and should try to fill some holes. It’s a bold pick for sure, but Nero Alexander can instantly boost the potential of the Outlaw defensive line and could start in the NSFL immediately.
Alternate Pick: Johnny Slothface, LB
With the second overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the New Orleans Second Line select… Franklin Armstrong, QB from the University of Winnipeg!
Team Needs: QB, LB, CB, TE
NOLA’s got the luxury of two high back to back picks in the first round, and with Borkus Maximus III being slowly ground into dust, the Second Line should jump in front of other QB needy teams and grab the obvious top prospect. Armstrong broke the TD record in the DSFL and possesses the best combination of activity, TPE, and traits available in the draft class.
Alternate Pick: Johnny Slothface, LB
With the third overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the New Orleans Second Line select… Johnny Slothface, LB from the University of San Diego!
Team Needs: CB, QB, LB, TE
Without Emondov Emoji available, it wouldn’t be wise for the Second Line to reach on a defensive back here. So they should take advantage of the crazy secondary depth in later rounds and select BPA here for a linebacker. Between Slothface and Bode, I think the Second Line will go for the known commodity and pick Johnny Slothface for a franchise star in the making.
Alternate Pick: Quenton Bode, LB
With the fourth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Yellowknife Wraiths select… Morgan Marshall, RB from Princeton!
Team Needs: DE, DT, S, RB
Jerrod Canton’s coming over from San Jose, but with Dick Wizardry soon to be leaving for Texas, the Wraiths could select the best running back in the draft for an explosive tandem. Marshall to Yellowknife has been increasingly rumored over the past week, despite the team having larger needs, and Marshall could join back up with his DSFL quarterback in Canada.
Alternate Pick: Ricardo Morris, DT
With the fifth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Austin Copperheads select… Quenton Bode, LB from Nebraska!
Team Needs: Everything
By virtue of being an expansion team, Austin needs just about every position before S16, and they need to load up on future starters to have a chance of being competitive. If they don’t trade down, then I’d wager they go BPA and pick up Quenton Bode for the linebacker slot. The Marshals star is one of the highest TPE earners available and will be ready to make noise once he’s called up in S16.
Alternate Pick: Jay Longshaw, QB
With the sixth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Chicago Butchers select… Richard D’Attoria V, S from Northwestern!
Team Needs: Everything
Barring a trade down, Chicago is in the same situation as Austin. It’s possible that they could try their fortune on Jay Longshaw instead of a possible expansion draft target like Rose Jenkins. If not, then Richard D’Attoria V wouldn’t make them regret their selection. The top safety in the class has potential to anchor the secondary of the Butchers and allow Chicago to target other needs in Round Two.
Alternate Pick: Jay Longshaw, QB
With the seventh overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Colorado Yeti select… Chase Jensen, TE from Stanford!
Team Needs: QB, TE, S, DT
If Longshaw is still on the board here, Colorado has no rush - he’ll likely still be there when they pick again at #12. So instead, the Yeti should grab a weapon and safety blanket for whomever their shiny new quarterback ends up being. Jensen was the top dog at the tight end position last season and one of the best receivers period, and his draft slide will end here.
Alternate Pick: Walt Green, S
With the eighth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Orange County Otters select… Mo Berry, LB from the University of Nebraska!
Team Needs: LB, DE, RB, WR
The Otters need linebackers, and they can find the perfect prospect for them in Pro Bowl snub Mo Berry. The Bash Brother and Marshals anchor can either slide right in at the professional level or spend another year wrecking offenses in the DSFL, depending on how the Otters GM decides to allocate personnel. Running back may be targeted here, but given how clustered the second tier of RBs is, Orange County could find a similar prospect at pick #18.
Alternate Pick: Forrest Gump, RB
With the ninth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Philadelphia Liberty select… Ricardo Morris, DT from Oklahoma!
Team Needs: CB, DL, TE, RB
Experienced user and a position of need means that Mr. Morris isn’t likely to fall out of the first round - and Philly could use his talent on the defensive line. Ricardo can pair up with Maxwell Beard (who he has already passed in TPE) and give the Liberty a stout wall with which to stop the run and create interior pressure.
Alternate Pick: Xerxes Ridley, CB
With the tenth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the San Jose Sabercats select… Walt Green, S from Boise State!
Team Needs: DL, RB, TE, S
I might be biased, but I absolutely believe that every member of the Fabulous Five will get drafted in the first round. Defensive backs will be set to go flying off the board in the early second round, and since most of the best will be gone by pick #20, the new Ultimus champions should get ahead of the curve and pick up a fantastic safety prospect. Walt Green is a straight baller and ballhawk poised to contribute towards any team’s secondary, and the SaberCats would be wise to pick him up.
Alternate Pick: Cameron Olsen, TE
— — — — —
Part 3: How Do You Do? A Mighty Pleasant Greeting
Probably around 99% of the draft coverage this year might be on the S15 NSFL rookies. It’s understandable, and I just dedicated nearly 4,000 words to the topic. But there happens to be another, smaller draft class being selected for the very first time soon afterwards. Some of these are true rookies, some are recreates from known players, and some have already gone inactive. So I’m going to peruse through the declares prospects so far and see how their starting builds stack up, whether they’ve been active, all that jazz. There’s literally nothing statistical except for attributes to base this off of, so it’ll be a bit more laissez-faire than my usual offerings.
There aren’t any quarterbacks or running backs yet (thank God for that last one, the league is buckling under the weight of this sophomore class) but a couple receivers and other offensive players have declared for the draft. First up is Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff “Wolfie” McDummy [infinitempg], a recreate who apparently plans to switch positions in the DSFL. He’s from Rutgers, so other adjectives used to describe him could include “sneaky athleticism”, “scrappy”, “high motor”, and “a real lunch pail kinda guy”. He has so far earned 7 TPE and has a proven track record in the league, so activity shouldn’t be too much of a concern. The other receiver prospect is a true rookie by the name of Laszlo Forty-Two [C9Van]. Mr. Forty-Two has gotten off to a promising start - he’s already producing media and has acquired 26 TPE at the time of writing.
A tight end and two offensive lineman round out the offensive side of the draft. DeMarcus Strike [OwlStrike13] is an on again, off again recreate at the tight end position. He’s got 9 TPE and impressive rookie speed, but hasn’t logged on in nearly a week and remains a massive question mark. Two more recreates are in the prospect pool for offensive lineman, a position that has recently gone vogue - Ben Tu'inukuafe [Ben] and Anthony Jemima [Vulgar]. Both of these prospects have 7 TPE earned, but have stark differences beyond their activity level. The syrupy goodness of the Jemima family means that the latter player is an absolute monster of a person at 6’8” and 340 lbs. However, Mr. Tu’inukuafe has two main advantages: his crazy 82 strength, and an actual college education. The highest level of education Jemima has obtained is a graduation from Grace Lutheran Preschool, so I’m not sure Jemima can even read.
The real meat of this draft is on the other side of the ball. The defensive line has four prospects, one on the interior and three on the outside. The sole defensive tackle is Sam Torenson [Jonny2x], a graduate from North Carolina and another true rookie. Although he hasn’t updated his update page, he’s gotten 15 TPE so far and is on the right track to stand out among his peers. He’s got company on his flanks, of which the first to declare was Hakuna Matata [superwoman0688]. Some call him the Lion King (just kidding, no one calls him that) but others like myself call him irrelevant because he’s already inactive. The second is Antonio Sandoval Jr. [TheMemeMaestro], a recreate who seems to be active but hasn’t created an update page or gotten any TPE at all. The third and final so far defensive end is Evan Trigg [greygoosevodka], yet another recreate from a user who wasn’t all that active beforehand. Trigg’s only been approved very recently, so time remains for him to get running, but as of now the only consistent starter in the defensive trenches seems to be Torenson.
Luckily for DSFL general managers, the linebacker corps is much more well stocked. A familiar face returns in Blaster Blade Jr. [Blaster], only the second most obnoxious junior recreate in the class, who currently has 12 earned TPE but hasn’t logged on in a few days. Whether that’s going to be symptomatic of future activity can be left up to interpretation. The second linebacker is Blake Faux [AlexF], only the fourth true rookie to appear so far in the S15 DSFL draft class. Like Forty-Two and Torenson, however, Faux so far has displayed a good level of commitment and has earned 19 TPE. He has good off the ball instincts and a well-rounded athletic skill set across the board. Linebacker number three goes by the name of Pierce Van Buren [adam2552], and just like everything that comes from Texas, Van Buren is patriotic right up to his presidential name. Being a recreate of one of the earliest members of the NSFL means he’s also very rich, and he illegally tried to purchase equipment before the new season started, so he’s also a sleazy player. Don’t trust Van Buren - he was a bad president, and he won’t be a good player. Just trust me on this one.
An even more evil presence lurks in the secondary, where Dermot had to come back and make this the No (Simulation) Fun League with Dermot Lavelle Jr. [White Cornerback]. The hack can’t even come up with an original name. Because I don’t want to ruin the fun, I’m gonna skip straight to the other cornerback prospect, true rookie Anthony Rowland [ARJ04]. Good Guy Rowland has cobbled together 52 earned TPE, making him the first prospect to cross 100 TPE, and clearly the chosen messiah sent to save us from Dermot. He also tried to buy equipment before he was supposed to, but he has an excuse since he’s new and also that doesn’t fit my narrative so I’m ignoring it. The only safety prospect this year is Jaylen Storm [Daybe], who banked all 50 starting TPE and presumably the 7 TPE he’s gathered on top of that. All three players have been recently active, good news for a minor league that’s about to lose a ton of top-tier defensive back talent to the majors.
The final prospect is a kicker and recreate by the name of ForThe Brand [Renrut], whose parents were as high as Rkansaw N/A’s when they named their newborn child. It’s another established member of the old guard with a new character, so far with 7 earned TPE and the exclusive competitor for the title of best S16 rookie kicker.
So at the end of the day we got two receivers, a tight end, two offensive lineman, a defensive tackle, three defensive ends, three linebackers, two cornerbacks, a safety, and a kicker/punter. Only four true freshmen in the class, but three of them have so far been alive and kicking, so that’s good news. If there’s one takeaway from the draft, it’s that Dermot’s back, which is bad for everybody. Good luck to my hero Mr. Rowland, don’t let Dermot have the satisfaction of being the best cornerback in the draft.
— — — — —
Issue I: Where Each DSFL Team Stands Going into Week Three
Issue II: Despite Loss, League Is Still Under Marshal Law
Issue III: Ranking S15 NSFL RB Prospects, One Last Time
Draft Special Edition: A Triple Topic Takedown of the Upcoming Draft
— — — — —[/div]
Draft season! What a time to be alive. Prospects hoping to get drafted by the right team, teams hoping to not overdraft duds that could set them back for years, and media writers hoping to earn all the money through the incredibly generous double pay.
Last year, a ton of media attention was directed towards the famous S14 Draft, a staggeringly massive class of over 100 hopefuls. That rookie class is now all grown up, and even though retention has taken its toll on the number of prospects still kicking around, its still a nearly unprecedented wave of newcomers that prompted the addition of two new expansion teams just to meet capacity.
But there are only ten picks in the first round, and at least double that in worthy, active prospects. So which players will make the cut? A perfect storm of influences all goes into a selection: scouting, TPE, activity, handshake deals, and positional needs, as well as a bevy of secondary concerns that could make or break a GM’s decision. The draft is an inexact science, more so now than it has been for many seasons, and predicting with 100% certainty will be nigh impossible. So instead, this special edition of The Nest will run down the likely candidates and give the odds of being selected in the first round according to me. Plus I’ll do my own mock draft at the end of the article and reasoning for each pick, as well as a brief rundown of the newest contenders for the S15 DSFL Draft.
Why? Because I’m a filthy addict who needs more of that sweet sweet double draft cash.
So let’s get started, shall we?
— — — — —
Part 1: May the Odds Be Ever In Your Favor
Assuming that Gimmy Jarappolo somehow falls out of the first round, there are ten open slots and nine teams looking to either build a young core, sustain a championship machine, load up for a complete rebuild or, in the case of the expansion teams, begin constructing a roster entirely from scratch. Let’s take a look at the lucky candidates.
99% — Johnny Slothface — LB — slothfacekilla
123 Tck, 1 FF, 4 Sck, 3 PD
Slothface is a near guarantee to go in the top three, let alone the top ten. Consistently active, highly trained, and highly productive prospect at a position of need for many teams, Slothface is sure to find his name called by a team using a well-deserved first round pick to grab instant defensive help and a key anchor in the front seven for many years to come.
95% — Quenton Bode — LB — terriblehippo
115 Tck, 3 TFL, 1 FF, 1 FR, 6 Sck, 2 Int, 6 PD, 1 TD
Linebacker is arguably the most important position on the defense, and high TPE linebackers are coveted by teams looking to build a potential championship roster. Bode helped anchor a historic Marshals defense in the DSFL and recorded impressive stats. Expect one of the expansion teams to grab Bode if he falls to the mid-first round.
90% — Morgan Marshall — RB — EnfysNest
318 Att, 1513 Yds, 13 TD, 42 Rec, 336 Yds, 6 TD
The most prolific offensive weapon in the draft class has a great chance to land high. While many of the higher picks are held by teams with young and established starters at running back, the back half of the first half is littered with ideal situations for teams to take a back like Marshall who can provide versatility and production for years to come.
80% — Nero Alexander — DE — shadyshoelace
41 Tck, 12 TFL, 8 Sck, 1 Sfty
The defensive lines of many teams lack viable and active starters. Enter Nero Alexander, yet another Marshals alumni that can be inserted into a starting role immediately and instantly raise a defense. Alexander is the clear-cut top prospect at a position of need, making a fall into later rounds improbable.
75% — Chase Jensen — TE — dizzyDC
65 Rec, 817 Yds, 1 TD
Jensen is a top TPE earner and dedicated player as well as a DSFL GM, and many teams need to fill a hole at tight end. Any of those teams could use a first rounder to give their quarterback a steady weapon and safety blanket that help contribute in the running and passing game.
75% — Franklin Armstrong — QB — moonlight
239 Comp, 400 Att, 2614 Yds, 59.8 Pct, 22 TD, 11 Int, 86 Rat
Franklin Armstrong is the undisputed top quarterback prospect, in a shallow class, in a draft where multiple teams are looking to groom heirs to aging starters. Both Colorado and New Orleans are top candidates to pick Armstrong in the first round, and either expansion team could select a quarterback of the future with Armstrong. There remains a chance that Armstrong falls all the way to Colorado’s second round pick at #12, which is where I’d set the limit for how far Armstrong will drop.
55% — Richard D’Attoria V — S — 124715
64 Tck, 1 TFL, 2 FF, 3 FR, 7 Sck, 1 Int, 1 PD
The secondary is the most loaded positional group in the draft, and a number of blue chip talents are likely to fall and provide great value picks in later rounds. D’Attoria stands one of the best chances to land a first round slot. He narrowly edges out Walt Green for the most TPE in the safety class and thus can easily be projected as a later first rounder to provide a young defensive boost.
50% — Xerxes Ridley — CB — plantane
50 Tck, 1 FR, 1 Int, 11 PD
Without Emondov Emoji in the market, Ridley is the best cornerback freely available to pick. A team might find themselves preferring a different defensive back just based on best fit, but Ridley had a good season as a lockdown corner in the DSFL and could potentially serve starting time on a professional roster depending on which team takes a gander on him.
50% — Ricardo Morris — DT — Roly
39 Tck, 6 Sck
Like Nero, Ricardo Morris is the undisputed top dog in a neglected position group. Basically every team could use a DT as an immediate starter, and Morris is also an established user and consistently active. The question is whether any team needs Morris enough in the first round to forgo filling any other positional needs.
40% — Cameron Olsen — TE — Rradum
66 Rec, 453 Yds, 3 TD
If Chase Jensen is a clear number one tight end, then Cameron Olsen is the clear number two. Olsen could possibly benefit from weak tight end starters in the NSFL, which means that a majority of teams covet an active and improving future starter at the position. But Olsen has a good chance to fall into the second or even early third round depending on how teams value TEs in this draft.
40% — Mo Berry — LB — Frick_Nasty
88 Tck, 3 TFL, 1 FF, 6 Sck, 2 Int, 8 PD
The other Bash Brother, Berry isn’t likely to land as high as fellow Marshal Quenton Bode but may be unduly overlooked in the draft. Berry is a top three linebacker in the class and could go higher than many expect to an expansion team or other candidate, able to supplement any team’s defense or pick up a year of training back in the DSFL.
40% — Walt Green — S — Duilio05
66 Tck, 2 FF, 1 FR, 7 Int, 17 PD
The final member of the Fabulous Five on this list. Green is unfortunate to play as a safety in a super deep class, and is likely to come off the board after D’Attoria. But a selection in the later half of the first round is not implausible given a decent number of teams needing secondary help.
35% — Lanzer Grievous — LB — Rising Equinox
92 Tck, 1 TFL, 3 FF, 1 Sck, 4 PD
Around this point, these prospects will probably only come off the board if a massive spending spree occurs at their position or if a team falls in love with a particular prospect. Grievous is the fourth best linebacker on the board, and if both expansion teams decide to build around a linebacker then Grievous has a shot at coming off the board in the first round.
30% — Ahri Espeeyeeseetee — WR — steelsound
75 Rec, 873 Yds, 4 TD
Put some respect on Mr. Espeeyeeseetee, who served up the best rookie wide receiver season of this class. But a lot of teams have more pressing needs than WR, and aside from Marshall and Jensen, most offensive skill positions aren’t really locks for first round selections, even if they have the TPE and activity to back it up.
25% — Forrest Gump — RB — TomHanks
207 Att, 1070 Yds, 18 TD, 15 Rec, 91 Yds, 1 TD
Taffy’s a better prospect, but Gump has name recognition and a far superior stat line in the DSFL. Both of them are likely to go off the board in the second round, but if a team in the later first round feels that running back is their most pressing need, then Gump has a decent shot of being picked.
25% — Brock Landers — WR — gucci
57 Rec, 727 Yds, 1 TD
The controversial quarterback turned wide receiver has turned his life around and is neck and neck with Ahri for the crown of the most active wide receiver. He faces the same issues of a lack of a burning need by a team worthy of a first round pick, and will almost assuredly be selected in the early second round for great value.
20% — Edmond Beaver-Dantes — OL — Beaver
36 Pan, 2 Sck Allowed
Beaver-Dantes would be a massive overdraft in the first round. But going by name recognition alone, the offensive lineman would be a consistently active starter and eventually provide good value for his drafting team. Is it first round worthy? I wouldn’t say so.
15% — Jay Longshaw — QB — dropbear
226 Comp, 420 Att, 2409 Yds, 53.8 Pct, 11 TD, 14 Int, 65.7 Rat
Whichever of the quarterback-hungry teams loses out on the Armstrong sweepstakes realistically only has one real shot at a future starting quarterback in Jay Longshaw. The scarcity alone makes an overdraft in the first plausible. However, I think that the expansion teams will choose to attack other needs in the first round, and if Colorado cannot grab Armstrong before NOLA, they could easily secure Longshaw with pick #12 instead of using #7.
15% — Fatih Terim — S — Eco
77 Tck, 2 Sck, 1 Int, 3 PD
The depth in the secondary class is tragic for many talented players, Mister Terim included. It’s just hard to envision a scenario wherein three safeties go in the top ten. The Solar Bear might find a landing spot if a particular team values him over Green or D’Attoria, but a later round pick is far more likely.
15% — Terry Taffy — RB — KingCollins
197 Att, 837 Yds, 2 TD, 43 Rec, 390 Yds
Taffy could land somewhere in the back half of the first round if a team really wants a RB. Is it very likely? The drop off in value between RBs in the second tier really isn’t that high, meaning that a team would be better off drafting in a shallow position and leaving RB for later rounds.
10% — Guy Nikko — LB — Duress
74 Tck, 1 TFL, 1 FF, 10 Sck, 3 Int, 3 PD
There’s too many LBs for Nikko to have a realistic shot unless he and a GM really hit it off. It’s another casualty of this huge draft class. It does, however, mean that being drafted outside of the first no longer automatically means you are inactive, which is good news for teams needing lots of pieces to fill holes and could use Nikko’s talents.
10% — Lamont McKinnie — S — SouljaBoy2007
79 Tck, 2 TFL
The fourth safety on this list. McKinnie’s selection would certainly be a shock, especially if he goes above the top two. It’s not impossible, but technically Ronald St. James III could go first overall so nothing’s impossible.
5% — Rod Tidwell — WR — SDCore
78 Rec, 902 Yds, 5 TD
A fantastic rookie season and a healthy heaping of Kwan doesn’t disguise that an unfriendly market for wide receivers won’t be partial to drafting the third best receiver in the class. Like many of these talented players, Tidwell has the misfortune of being part of one of the biggest rookie classes of all time.
5% — Brave Ulysses — OL — PaytonM34
53 Pan, 1 Sck Allowed
Brave Ulysses is actually the highest earning and best performing offensive lineman by a good margin. The key weakness in a first round grade is just the comparative value of a lineman when stacked up against other skill positions on both sides of the ball, especially once you consider that Ulysses would almost certainly spend more time in the DSFL before joining an NSFL roster.
Dark Horse Candidates: Lucas Knight (CB), Lightsout Lewis (LB), Logan Uchiha (S), Jammerson Irving (TE), Ryan Leaf Jr. (DT)
A couple other players have outside shots at a first round pick. Knight and Uchiha will likely get lost in the sea of active and high TPE secondary players, while Lewis is outclassed by too many other linebackers to make a top ten selection plausible. Similarly, a third tight end in the top ten stretches credulity. Anyone who uses a high pick on Ryan Leaf Jr. shouldn’t be a GM.
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Part 2: The Baron’s Official S15 NSFL Mock Draft
To be completely honest, this is a rather unmockable draft - ten teams in the mix, two of which are starting largely from scratch, and a muddled hierarchy among prospects that differs tremendously from the drafts of years past, where the order of picks could be easily predicted just by looking at activity. But I’ve gotta try anyway, partly for fun and partly because I don’t have the access to see the draft picks in the NSFL Events Committee Discord. After pouring over TPE, activity, team budgets, and each team’s needs and wants, I have fashioned together a one round, ten pick NSFL mock draft that will probably be thoroughly busted on draft night. Happy trails.
With the first overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Arizona Outlaws select… Nero Alexander, DE from Northwestern!
Team Needs: S, DE, WR, CB
It’s really hard to pass up one of the two top linebackers here, but the Outlaws have much less depth at other parts of the defense and should try to fill some holes. It’s a bold pick for sure, but Nero Alexander can instantly boost the potential of the Outlaw defensive line and could start in the NSFL immediately.
Alternate Pick: Johnny Slothface, LB
With the second overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the New Orleans Second Line select… Franklin Armstrong, QB from the University of Winnipeg!
Team Needs: QB, LB, CB, TE
NOLA’s got the luxury of two high back to back picks in the first round, and with Borkus Maximus III being slowly ground into dust, the Second Line should jump in front of other QB needy teams and grab the obvious top prospect. Armstrong broke the TD record in the DSFL and possesses the best combination of activity, TPE, and traits available in the draft class.
Alternate Pick: Johnny Slothface, LB
With the third overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the New Orleans Second Line select… Johnny Slothface, LB from the University of San Diego!
Team Needs: CB, QB, LB, TE
Without Emondov Emoji available, it wouldn’t be wise for the Second Line to reach on a defensive back here. So they should take advantage of the crazy secondary depth in later rounds and select BPA here for a linebacker. Between Slothface and Bode, I think the Second Line will go for the known commodity and pick Johnny Slothface for a franchise star in the making.
Alternate Pick: Quenton Bode, LB
With the fourth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Yellowknife Wraiths select… Morgan Marshall, RB from Princeton!
Team Needs: DE, DT, S, RB
Jerrod Canton’s coming over from San Jose, but with Dick Wizardry soon to be leaving for Texas, the Wraiths could select the best running back in the draft for an explosive tandem. Marshall to Yellowknife has been increasingly rumored over the past week, despite the team having larger needs, and Marshall could join back up with his DSFL quarterback in Canada.
Alternate Pick: Ricardo Morris, DT
With the fifth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Austin Copperheads select… Quenton Bode, LB from Nebraska!
Team Needs: Everything
By virtue of being an expansion team, Austin needs just about every position before S16, and they need to load up on future starters to have a chance of being competitive. If they don’t trade down, then I’d wager they go BPA and pick up Quenton Bode for the linebacker slot. The Marshals star is one of the highest TPE earners available and will be ready to make noise once he’s called up in S16.
Alternate Pick: Jay Longshaw, QB
With the sixth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Chicago Butchers select… Richard D’Attoria V, S from Northwestern!
Team Needs: Everything
Barring a trade down, Chicago is in the same situation as Austin. It’s possible that they could try their fortune on Jay Longshaw instead of a possible expansion draft target like Rose Jenkins. If not, then Richard D’Attoria V wouldn’t make them regret their selection. The top safety in the class has potential to anchor the secondary of the Butchers and allow Chicago to target other needs in Round Two.
Alternate Pick: Jay Longshaw, QB
With the seventh overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Colorado Yeti select… Chase Jensen, TE from Stanford!
Team Needs: QB, TE, S, DT
If Longshaw is still on the board here, Colorado has no rush - he’ll likely still be there when they pick again at #12. So instead, the Yeti should grab a weapon and safety blanket for whomever their shiny new quarterback ends up being. Jensen was the top dog at the tight end position last season and one of the best receivers period, and his draft slide will end here.
Alternate Pick: Walt Green, S
With the eighth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Orange County Otters select… Mo Berry, LB from the University of Nebraska!
Team Needs: LB, DE, RB, WR
The Otters need linebackers, and they can find the perfect prospect for them in Pro Bowl snub Mo Berry. The Bash Brother and Marshals anchor can either slide right in at the professional level or spend another year wrecking offenses in the DSFL, depending on how the Otters GM decides to allocate personnel. Running back may be targeted here, but given how clustered the second tier of RBs is, Orange County could find a similar prospect at pick #18.
Alternate Pick: Forrest Gump, RB
With the ninth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the Philadelphia Liberty select… Ricardo Morris, DT from Oklahoma!
Team Needs: CB, DL, TE, RB
Experienced user and a position of need means that Mr. Morris isn’t likely to fall out of the first round - and Philly could use his talent on the defensive line. Ricardo can pair up with Maxwell Beard (who he has already passed in TPE) and give the Liberty a stout wall with which to stop the run and create interior pressure.
Alternate Pick: Xerxes Ridley, CB
With the tenth overall pick of the S15 NSFL Draft, the San Jose Sabercats select… Walt Green, S from Boise State!
Team Needs: DL, RB, TE, S
I might be biased, but I absolutely believe that every member of the Fabulous Five will get drafted in the first round. Defensive backs will be set to go flying off the board in the early second round, and since most of the best will be gone by pick #20, the new Ultimus champions should get ahead of the curve and pick up a fantastic safety prospect. Walt Green is a straight baller and ballhawk poised to contribute towards any team’s secondary, and the SaberCats would be wise to pick him up.
Alternate Pick: Cameron Olsen, TE
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Part 3: How Do You Do? A Mighty Pleasant Greeting
Probably around 99% of the draft coverage this year might be on the S15 NSFL rookies. It’s understandable, and I just dedicated nearly 4,000 words to the topic. But there happens to be another, smaller draft class being selected for the very first time soon afterwards. Some of these are true rookies, some are recreates from known players, and some have already gone inactive. So I’m going to peruse through the declares prospects so far and see how their starting builds stack up, whether they’ve been active, all that jazz. There’s literally nothing statistical except for attributes to base this off of, so it’ll be a bit more laissez-faire than my usual offerings.
There aren’t any quarterbacks or running backs yet (thank God for that last one, the league is buckling under the weight of this sophomore class) but a couple receivers and other offensive players have declared for the draft. First up is Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff “Wolfie” McDummy [infinitempg], a recreate who apparently plans to switch positions in the DSFL. He’s from Rutgers, so other adjectives used to describe him could include “sneaky athleticism”, “scrappy”, “high motor”, and “a real lunch pail kinda guy”. He has so far earned 7 TPE and has a proven track record in the league, so activity shouldn’t be too much of a concern. The other receiver prospect is a true rookie by the name of Laszlo Forty-Two [C9Van]. Mr. Forty-Two has gotten off to a promising start - he’s already producing media and has acquired 26 TPE at the time of writing.
A tight end and two offensive lineman round out the offensive side of the draft. DeMarcus Strike [OwlStrike13] is an on again, off again recreate at the tight end position. He’s got 9 TPE and impressive rookie speed, but hasn’t logged on in nearly a week and remains a massive question mark. Two more recreates are in the prospect pool for offensive lineman, a position that has recently gone vogue - Ben Tu'inukuafe [Ben] and Anthony Jemima [Vulgar]. Both of these prospects have 7 TPE earned, but have stark differences beyond their activity level. The syrupy goodness of the Jemima family means that the latter player is an absolute monster of a person at 6’8” and 340 lbs. However, Mr. Tu’inukuafe has two main advantages: his crazy 82 strength, and an actual college education. The highest level of education Jemima has obtained is a graduation from Grace Lutheran Preschool, so I’m not sure Jemima can even read.
The real meat of this draft is on the other side of the ball. The defensive line has four prospects, one on the interior and three on the outside. The sole defensive tackle is Sam Torenson [Jonny2x], a graduate from North Carolina and another true rookie. Although he hasn’t updated his update page, he’s gotten 15 TPE so far and is on the right track to stand out among his peers. He’s got company on his flanks, of which the first to declare was Hakuna Matata [superwoman0688]. Some call him the Lion King (just kidding, no one calls him that) but others like myself call him irrelevant because he’s already inactive. The second is Antonio Sandoval Jr. [TheMemeMaestro], a recreate who seems to be active but hasn’t created an update page or gotten any TPE at all. The third and final so far defensive end is Evan Trigg [greygoosevodka], yet another recreate from a user who wasn’t all that active beforehand. Trigg’s only been approved very recently, so time remains for him to get running, but as of now the only consistent starter in the defensive trenches seems to be Torenson.
Luckily for DSFL general managers, the linebacker corps is much more well stocked. A familiar face returns in Blaster Blade Jr. [Blaster], only the second most obnoxious junior recreate in the class, who currently has 12 earned TPE but hasn’t logged on in a few days. Whether that’s going to be symptomatic of future activity can be left up to interpretation. The second linebacker is Blake Faux [AlexF], only the fourth true rookie to appear so far in the S15 DSFL draft class. Like Forty-Two and Torenson, however, Faux so far has displayed a good level of commitment and has earned 19 TPE. He has good off the ball instincts and a well-rounded athletic skill set across the board. Linebacker number three goes by the name of Pierce Van Buren [adam2552], and just like everything that comes from Texas, Van Buren is patriotic right up to his presidential name. Being a recreate of one of the earliest members of the NSFL means he’s also very rich, and he illegally tried to purchase equipment before the new season started, so he’s also a sleazy player. Don’t trust Van Buren - he was a bad president, and he won’t be a good player. Just trust me on this one.
An even more evil presence lurks in the secondary, where Dermot had to come back and make this the No (Simulation) Fun League with Dermot Lavelle Jr. [White Cornerback]. The hack can’t even come up with an original name. Because I don’t want to ruin the fun, I’m gonna skip straight to the other cornerback prospect, true rookie Anthony Rowland [ARJ04]. Good Guy Rowland has cobbled together 52 earned TPE, making him the first prospect to cross 100 TPE, and clearly the chosen messiah sent to save us from Dermot. He also tried to buy equipment before he was supposed to, but he has an excuse since he’s new and also that doesn’t fit my narrative so I’m ignoring it. The only safety prospect this year is Jaylen Storm [Daybe], who banked all 50 starting TPE and presumably the 7 TPE he’s gathered on top of that. All three players have been recently active, good news for a minor league that’s about to lose a ton of top-tier defensive back talent to the majors.
The final prospect is a kicker and recreate by the name of ForThe Brand [Renrut], whose parents were as high as Rkansaw N/A’s when they named their newborn child. It’s another established member of the old guard with a new character, so far with 7 earned TPE and the exclusive competitor for the title of best S16 rookie kicker.
So at the end of the day we got two receivers, a tight end, two offensive lineman, a defensive tackle, three defensive ends, three linebackers, two cornerbacks, a safety, and a kicker/punter. Only four true freshmen in the class, but three of them have so far been alive and kicking, so that’s good news. If there’s one takeaway from the draft, it’s that Dermot’s back, which is bad for everybody. Good luck to my hero Mr. Rowland, don’t let Dermot have the satisfaction of being the best cornerback in the draft.
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Issue I: Where Each DSFL Team Stands Going into Week Three
Issue II: Despite Loss, League Is Still Under Marshal Law
Issue III: Ranking S15 NSFL RB Prospects, One Last Time
Transgender lesbian, S15 veteran, media extraordinaire, and the sim's punching bag. Fascists and bigots are welcome to fuck off.
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For Your Reading Consideration:
Before the Butchers | The Jungle
The Giving Tree | Volume II | Volume III
A Winter of Discontent | Volume II
The Rockiest Road | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | Finale
Two Essays on Unfree Agency: On Agents | On Contracts
Eclipse of the Honey Moon | Volume II
Gemini Media Awards:
S39 | S40 | S41 | S42 | S43 | S44 | S45 | S46 | S47
All Winners
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For Your Reading Consideration:
Before the Butchers | The Jungle
The Giving Tree | Volume II | Volume III
A Winter of Discontent | Volume II
The Rockiest Road | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | Finale
Two Essays on Unfree Agency: On Agents | On Contracts
Eclipse of the Honey Moon | Volume II
Gemini Media Awards:
S39 | S40 | S41 | S42 | S43 | S44 | S45 | S46 | S47
All Winners
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