03-23-2024, 05:06 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-27-2024, 08:36 AM by lemonoppy. Edited 1 time in total.)
“It is said that Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. If that is true, then I must be crazy.” - Me, just before starting this experiment.
I’m going to open this differently than I had intended.
Initially, I had planned to only post this once this Hahalua team had won the Ultimus. There was a joke going on around the league for a time that we weren’t sure whether this team would win the championship before the real(ish) Hahalua won their next title. Obviously, as you now know, that ended up not even being a competition. After 4,592 sims, no ring came to Honolulu, and I just don’t have the energy or desire to sim this any longer. The past few times I had sat down determined to sim at least 100 seasons I struggled to even do 2 or 3 before closing the game. Kobo once asked me how long I was willing to try before giving up. I said I was willing to go as far as it took but I truly never considered this taking much more than 100 attempts, let alone more than 40 times that with no indication of any success. With that I suppose the 3 losses would just have to do, as the closest this team would ever get. I thought this would be funny or even a cool media series idea to start to truly see what the odds were that each team had to win it all.
Knowing all that, and being aware that this experiment does ultimately end up iu failure, feel free to either read or to close this article here. Either way I’m glad you gave me a chance.
I still want that Gemini award though Baron.
Enjoy.
The Honolulu Hahalua have gone through perhaps the biggest first-to-last transformation for any team in ISFL history. No other squad has gone from multiple championship-winning seasons to the worst record in the league in such a short time as they have. Given that Honolulu has probably my favorite LR outside of my actual teams, I want to see them get back to success. However, I have both no power in running the Hahalua, and no patience to do so over the seasons required to successfully build them back up.
What I do have however is time, a WK2 save file, and a copy of Draft Day Sports Pro Football 2021. So I shall use these resources to sim over and over again until Honolulu wins the championship with its current roster. This article shall serve as an active diary of my experiences over however long it takes for all the pieces to fall into place.
Pray for me
The Sims:
Sim 1:
So I boot the game up, hit “sim regular season” and sit back. 10 seconds later it is over and what do I find awaiting me in the standings? Maybe this will be one-and-done!
Well damn. That’s not encouraging
Ah well, on to the next one!
Sim 2:
Good news! Honolulu didn’t finish in last place this time!
They finished tied for last!
Fortunately, if they keep increasing their win total by 3 every season this should only take about 4 to 5 more sims until they go undefeated! I still have hope to do this in 10 sims or less!
On to the next one!
Sim 3:
Well, in terms of wins, we’ve gone backward, but in terms of standings, we’re in the exact same spot we were before!
Now that it’s starting to set in just how long this will probably take, I think I’ll only check-in every 10 or so sims, unless anything interesting happens. So I’ll see you then!
Sim 10:
So, 10 sims in and we do have something interesting to note: They almost went .500! Granted, it was 7-9 and 5th in the ASFC, but so far it’s the best hope we’ve seen so far!
Sim 11:
WE’VE MADE THE PLAYOFFS!
An 8-8 record was enough to make it in 3rd, and the Hahalua are in prime position for a 2011 Giants run! Can they do it!?
No, no they can’t. Blown out in the 1st round by Austin. But they actually made it!
This IS possible!
Sims 12-20:
This might not be possible.
After the playoff appearance, there were only 2 seasons that were reasonably close to making it and they were 7 and 6 wins each, so not particularly close.
On to the next 10.
Sims 21-30:
This might’ve been a mistake
Sims 31-40:
You know, if I just deleted this now nobody would know, and I could just go back to sim testing for my actual team.
Sims 41-50:
I wonder what Icebear will do whenever I post this. Probably try to tamper me, he does that a lot. Pays off HO to look the other way, it’s a whole thing.
Sim 51:
WE MADE THE PLAYOFFS AGAIN!
At 8-8 the tiebreakers worked out to make it! First round goes against the Second Line….
And it’s a massive loss. 20-44 on the road, and we once again go on the merry-go-round from hell.
Sims 52-60:
And blood-black nothingness began to spin... A system of cells interlinked within cells interlinked within cells interlinked within one stem... And dreadfully distinct against the dark, a tall white fountain played
Sim 69:
Well…That’s a low point.
Sims 61-68/70:
Tom Cruise is a cool guy, I don’t care what everyone else says. Mission Impossible rocks, and The Last Samurai is one of the best films ever made.
THE NEXT DAY
So it’s been a night and I’m back on the grind. Decided to check out the word count after day 1 and…..this feels strangely appropriate.
Sims 71-80:
A second wind from a good nights rest is gonna be used up quick if all I get record-wise is 5 and 6 wins at best.
Sims 89:
8-8! Not just 8-8, but the second seed in the conference! That means they get to host a playoff game for the first time! Please, please at least make the conference championship…
THEY DID IT!
THEY WON A PLAYOFF GAME!
Now, however, they must face their greatest challenge yet. They have to go on the road to face the Arizona Outlaws….
Both games simmed against them were losses, and one was as bad as 52-10, but I have hope, cause this is the best we’ve seen so far! LET'S GET THIS WIN HONOLULU!
DAMNIT
Sims 81-88/90:
Well, normally at this point I’d expect to be a little upset, but with the recent near-success, I think I’m ready to do this! Let’s get to 100!
Sim 97:
Playoffs again! 8-8 again but the 3rd seed so no home game.
I STILL BELIEVE
Yeah…. I didn’t really believe.
Sims 91-100:
Outside of the one playoff “run” nothing to note as we cross the century mark.
Sim 104:
8-8 is once again good enough for the 2 seed! This time it’s the New York Silverbacks going on the road to Honolulu. Normally I’d be thrilled by this but seeing as I’m rooting for Honolulu in this scenario, I’m hoping my team can take a dive.
Damnit.
Sim 109:
8-8 is once again the playoffs.
You know, I wonder if we’ll ever see an above .500 Hahalua team…anyways lets see if this is the one!
HEY A ROAD WIN!
For the second time we see Honolulu go to the conference championship to face you-know-who on the road. I just hope it’s a little closer this time!
Well, technically it is closer.
Sims 101-110:
Well, that was exciting. Business as usual though.
Sim 114:
For the 7th time now the Hahalua find themselves in the dance. For those interested, 7 times in the playoffs out of 114 sims is a whopping 6%, so that’s roughly the odds the Hahalua have to make it, which is honestly higher than I would’ve guessed. But enough about the real league, this is about the simulated playoffs within the simulated league. First rounds against the Second Line.
Holy crap.
Next up goes against…well you know.
Aughhhhhhhhhhh
Sims 111-120:
Getting that close almost hurts more than the countless 2 and 3 win seasons to be honest.
Sims 120-130:
The final sim sees us make the postseason, and for the first time its the Outlaws who are our first round opponents as they finished a disappointing 8-7-1, with the Second Line taking the top seed at 12-4. First things first however, and the road to Arizona awaits!
Every sim makes me want to fold that damned franchise more and more.
Sim 133:
8-8. Playoffs. Road game. You know the drill.
Close shave but a win’s a win!
AND NOLA BEAT ARIZONA!
I don’t care that technically it wouldn’t happen cause Arizona would have a bye, I’ll take what I can get.
And it doesn’t even matter…
On to the next one.
Sims 130-140:
Sigh
Sims 140-150:
You know, it’s Saturday when I’m writing this. I could be doing anything with my weekend.
Sim 153:
7-9 is once again good enough for the postseason! Road to Austin for the championship round!
Aaand it ends there.
Sims 150-160:
It’s 5 months until the next Mission Impossible and I don’t wanna wait that long.
Sims 160-170:
Got through all of Fallout so now I guess I need to start a new show or movie to pass the time.
Sims 170-180:
This was a really dumb idea for media that’s gonna get like 10 views.
Sims 180-190:
You know what’s funny…In order to restart the sim accurately I have to completely close the game and re-open it between every run, so my steam friends are just seeing “Rusfan is now playing DDSPF21” over and over again.
Sim 191:
We have it! Our first winning season! Not sneaking in because of tiebreakers and other sucky teams, but an honest-to-God over .500 record! 9-7 gives us the privilege of a road game against Austin!
I hate this
Sims 190-200:
I knew this would take a while, but I honestly didn’t think I’d hit 200 sims.
I have closed and re-opened this Godforsaken sim 200 times just to see 1, 2, 3, and 4 win seasons so many times that it all blurs together.
I swear to God when this eventually happens I had better be worshipped in the HON LR and given some sort of special role for this.
I’m taking a break.
Sims 200-210:
We all live in a yellow submarine…
Sims 210-220:
If y’all have never read The Martian I highly recommend it. Or watch the Matt Damon film version if you don’t like to read.
Sims 220-230:
You know what I miss from movies? The Femme Fatale, why did that ever stop? Don’t know why that character type is dead now but I want it back.
Sims 230-240:
God, Whose Line is it Anyway was such a good show with Drew Carrey hosting
Sims 240-250:
I just wanna see the playoffs again. It’s been so long…
Sims 250-260:
It has officially been 69 sims since the last playoff appearance. Not nice.
Sim 261:
Ask and ye shall receive! A 4-way 8-8 tie in the ASFC gets us a spot in the playoffs to face NOLA on the road.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…
Sims 260-270:
Why are you still reading this?
Sims 270-280:
The sims all blend together, what day is it? What time is it? Where am I?
Sims 280-290:
If we fold Honolulu as a franchise maybe I can stop doing this.
Sims 290-300:
300 was certainly a movie.
Sims 300-310:
So now I’ve started MI4, so now I’ll have watched every single one except for 2, or to put it another way, every one worth watching.
Sims 310-320:
It’s not that I hate MI2 understand, it just pails in comparison to every other movie in the franchise.
Sims 320-330:
They tried to make Ethan Hunt into an American James Bond and that just doesn’t work. Not that I don’t enjoy that character type but with him it doesn’t work.
Sims 330-340:
Funnily enough, the reverse also happened to Daniel Craig’s Bond over his last 2 or o movies, where they tried to turn him from ladies man to family man and it didn’t really work their either.
Sims 340-350:
You know what I realized watching this? Mission Impossible and Jason Bourne are 2 franchises that tried to replace it’s leading man with Jeremy Renner in its 4th installment.
Sims 350-360:
After The Bourne Ultimatum the studios wanted to continue the franchise without Matt Damon so they made The Bourne Legacy with Renner, and it flopped so they eventually made Jason Bourne like 6 years later with Damon back at the helm.
Sim 366:
Finally! After 104 sims we have another playoff spot at 8-8! I was beginning to lose hope to be honest. First game is on the road to NOLA.
I think I might cry.
Sims 360-370:
And then a few years after MI3 came out and Cruise was almost 50 when MI4 released, the studio thought he might not be able to do those movies for much longer so they tried to have Renner take over the lead after that film.
Sims 370-380:
And now Bourne has ended and MI just keeps going strong, and neither kept Renner as either more than an auxiliary role if he stayed around at all, so I guess the moral of the story is don’t hire Jeremy Renner?
Sims 380-390:
Anyways, since we’re gonna be here a while, how are you doing?
Sim 395:
A second winning season! 9-7 again gets the 3rd seed and a road game to Austin. I’m a little conflicted because if this ends now that makes us just shy of 400 sims, and that’s a completely arbitrary number that holds meaning because it is a whole new century..
I’ve changed my mind, I would’ve been fine with ending it here.
Sims 390-400:
You know, It didn’t hit me until just now but…if you were to put the odds of a Honolulu championship at .1% the mathematically that means you would expect a championship win at around 1,000 simulations, so if that’s true I’m not even halfway done. It’s Monday the 27th by the way so it’s officially been 4 days of simming now.
Sim 402:
What a waste! A third 9-7 season but this one wasn’t good enough to make the playoffs. Ugh.
Sim 407:
The 400 series might be cursed, because we have a fourth over-.500 season and this also didn’t make the playoffs at 8-7-1!
Sim 400-410:
Anyways I’ve been kind of rude because I asked you how you were doing and never answered that myself. Badly, so thanks for asking.
Sims 410-420:
I wonder if I’ll get paid for all of this, cause it does get rambly, but in my defense, there’s not always much to say, and I gotta say something.
Sim 426:
8-8. Playoffs. Road Game. NOLA.
Loss.
Sims 420-430:
Haha 420 blaze it
Sim 431:
8-8, Playoffs. Road Game. Austin.
WIN! And Arizona lost to San Jose so we get to host the Championship round against a 8-8 San Jose!
God….Damnit
Sims 430-440:
I have no mouth and I must scream.
Sims 440-450:
I saw that OOTP Baseball was working with the PBE, and got really jealous that we didn’t have the same thing with Wolverine Studios.
Sim 454:
Playoffs. 7-9. Road game. NOLA.
Massive comeback but just falls short.
Sim 458:
8-8 is enough for the 3rd seed and a road game against NOLA.
Statistically, this has to happen at some point right?
Sims 450-460:
I’m so crazy from this that I’ve started making graphics. What’s happened to me?
Sims 460-470:
The final sim of the bunch is yet another 8-8 playoff spot, and unusually it’s Arizona in the 2 seed with NOLA taking the first seed, so first round is against AZ.
Aughhhhhhhhhh
Sims 470-480:
No playoffs. Sad panda.
Sims 480-490:
Still no playoffs. Sadder panda.
So, fun fact:
When you’re doing something that feels impossible and you decide to take a break, there’s a very real chance that said break goes from a few days to a whole month. Not that I did that or anything, but like, hypothetically, if someone else was to have stopped an equally difficult experiment, on say, March 3rd, they might have only started it up again on April 1st cause they hate themselves.
Sims 490-500:
Heyyyy we’re halfway to a thousand! (Why did I start this again?)
Sims 500-510:
These are not the results you’re looking for
Sims 510-520:
I miss 20 minutes ago when I forgot this existed
Sims 520-530:
You know I’m really digging this impractical jokers show
Sims 530-540:
Allworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboy
Sims 540-550:
I’m done screenshotting every playoff game. I’ll only take pictures in Ultimus games whenever it happens.
Sims 550-560:
This shit sucks
Sims 560-570:
I’ll probably repeat myself in these sections, but you better pay me for every GODDAMN WORD!
Sims 570-580:
*Incomprehensible sobbing*
Sims 580-590:
Just passed 2500 words. This article is now officially worth $2M
Sims 590-600:
Occasionally throughout this experiment, I’ve gone on dry spells with no playoff spots and this is easily the worst one so far at an incomprehensible 130 sims since our last playoff berth. Bleh
Sims 600-610:
140.
Sims 610-620:
150.
Sims 620-630:
160.
Sims 630-640:
Not just 170 straight, but my last 2 simmed records are 0-16 and 2-14, so this is going great!
Sims 640-650:
I think these next 10 are gonna be great!
Sims 650-660:
So speaking it into existence doesn’t seem to work…
Sim 668:
IT WORKED! A little later than I thought…BUT WE’RE BACK IN THE PLAYOFFS AFTER 198 SIMS OUT OF THEM! 8-8 gives us a 3rd seed against New York, who finished 4-12 and worst IRL so this should be easy!
We lost 24-41 so it might not have been easy as I imagined…
Sims 660-670:
Only one playoff appearance but after such a long drought I’m happy.
Sims 670-680:
Please tell me we’re not going on another drought…
Sims 680-690:
It appears we are…great.
Sim 693:
It appears we are not! 7-9 is enough for the 3rd seed against NOLA!
AND A WIN! 21-15 Gets us into the conference championship against….
Oh goddamnit. It’s AZ again.
Yup 21-48 loss, not even close. Back to the grindstone.
Sims 690-700:
Almost ¾ of the way to 1,000, get excited!
Sim 706:
8-8 and playoffs and AZ didn’t even make it! This is the best chance so far!!!
New York got the bye and Austin got the 2 so that’s who we’re facing.
GODDAMNIT WE LOST 24-47!
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sims 700-710:
We’re now talking about this in the main league server so at least everyone else knows the torture I’m putting myself through.
Sims 710-720:
I wonder if this is going to go into Season 41?
Sims 720-730:
Well I’ve got about 2 weeks to do it.
Sims 730-740:
Ended this run with an 0-16 record. Nice.
Sims 740-750:
You know statistically this has to happen at some point, like, it’s literally impossible that it doesn’t.
Sims 750-760:
Officially ¾ of the way to 1,000!
Sims 760-770:
I just want to see double-digits in the W collum, just once soon.
Sims 770-780:
Scip pity doo-dahh, hey hey hey!
Sim 782:
8-8 is good enough for the 2 seed! San Jose is the lucky 7-9 team that gets to head to the playoffs on the road to Honolulu!
And a 3 point home loss. Damnit.
Sims 780-790:
Nothing to see here, move along.
Sims 790-800:
What am I doing with my life?
Sims 800-810:
Is this the real life?
Sims 810-820:
Is this just fantasy?
Sims 820-830:
Caught in a landslide…
Sims 830-840:
No escape from reality
Sims 840-850:
I don’t know any other lyrics so I guess that stops here.
Sims 850-860:
You know Kiefer Sutherland is a better actor than I’ve given him credit for.
Sims 860-870:
People really need to get off social media you know, stuff’s just poison.
Sim 873:
8-8, playoffs, Arizona in the 2 seed and NOLA in the 1. So this could get interesting!
HOLY CRAP!
HOLY CRAP!
A WIN!!!! A 37-26 WIN ON THE ROAD AGAINST AZ TO FACE NOLA IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP!
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…
Sims 870-880:
Well that was exciting for a very brief moment.
Sims 880-890:
I almost hope to hit 1,000 at this point, like, it would almost be disappointing if this ended at like 934 right? Like when you get a 299 while bowling, on its own it’s an insanely impressive score very few people can achieve, but when it’s so close to an ultimate goal…
That being said I would get over it very quickly!
Sim 892:
8-8 is enough for the 3 seed behind Austin, but AZ went 15-1 for the 1st seed so I don’t have much hope.
And a 31-47 loss means it doesn’t even matter
Sims 890-900:
Wow, the big nine-oh-oh, it…doesn’t feel as big as it should, probably because 1,000 is coming up and this just isn’t that.
Well, 900 down, 100 more to go before this becomes legendary!
Sim 904:
8-8 and we got SJS on the docket which is….probably the best opponent to face outside of OCO, but the odds of both HON and OCO making the playoffs at the same time is so unlikely it has yet to happen so I’ll take a divisional round vs SJS.
And after all that, we lose 21-49 so let’s just move on.
Sims 900-910:
Fun fact, google sheets only has 1000 cells from the top row to the bottom before you have to add some more, and you probably don’t know that, because WHY WOULD YOU NEED MORE THAN 1,000 SLOTS?!
Sims 910-920:
Here’s a question, do I finish this before I graduate? It’s only like a month away. Man, that’s a scary thought…
Sims 920-930:
I hate this game.
Sims 930-940:
Back to a serious dry spell.
Sims 940-950:
3500 words now.
Sims 950-960:
We’re getting close…
Sims 960-970:
Almost there…
Sims 970-980:
Getting closer…
Sims 980-990:
Just about there…
Sim 994:
Wait a minute! We have a playoff run to simulate! The 7-9 Hahalua swiped the 3rd seed and go on the road to face the 8-8 Copperheads in a matchup deciding who gets to be blown out by Arizona. So lets do it!
Interesting note, this Hahalua team put up 470 points, good for 2nd best in the league behind NYS, so lets hope that offense shows up!
Well they put up 38 points, but lost by a field goal in OT, so I guess I got my wish?
Sims 990-1000:
We’ve done it! We’ve officially hit 1,000 test runs! I thought that they ought to have a higher than 0.1% chance of winning it all but I was wrong! Officially after 1,000 failed attempts this means that their chances of winning it all in season 40 were less than 0.1%! I guess now we see just how far it goes.
Sims 1000-1010:
Well now that that’s gone what do I keep going for? I guess every sim makes it even crazier?
Sim 1016:
9-7 so a rare positive record is great and is enough for the #2 seed! We get to host NOLA for the right to lose to AZ again. BUT ENOUGH NEGATIVITY, WE WINNING THIS ONE BOIS.
*44-21 loss*
WE NOT WINNING THIS ONE BOIS.
Sim 1017:
BUT WE RIGHT BACK IN THE PLAYOFFS AT 8-8! This time we’re getting on the plane to NOLA before losing to AZ. IT’S TIME FOR SOME REVENGE!!!
*47-23 loss*
GODDAMNIT!
Sims 1010-1020:
Look I don’t know what you want from me at this point. We’re 1,020 sims in, and with a check-in every 10 sims that means that, excluding the playoff write-ups, we’re at 120 writing sections. There’s just not that much to say.
Sims 1020-1030:
These 10 sims were a lot less fun.
Sims 1030-1040:
These were even less fun
Sim 1040-1050:
Anyone who’s a fan of Stephen King needs to see the TV show version of The Dead Zone. It’s one of the few adaptations that’s better than the source material. Unfortunately they never got to finish it completely but it’s still really good and worth a watch.
Sims 1050-1060:
You know I just realized I’ve been naming this wrong the entire time. Technically because I’m including the highest number in the end of the previous group, it really should be like 1051-1060.
Ah screw it, I’m not changing it at this point.
Sims 1060-1070:
It just keeps getting worse and worse.
Sims 1070-1080:
Bleh
Sims 1080-1090:
Blehh
Sims 1090-1100:
Yipee the big 11 hundred, wooooo….
Sim 1102:
WE HAVE A NEW BEST RECORD!
After 1,102 sims the Hahalua have managed a 10-win season for the first time ever! They finish with the #2 seed only 1 game behind the Outlaws at 11-5 and tied with the 3rd seed Second Line so we get to host the game! If it was ever going to happen, it would be now!
AND WE WIN 33-36! Now don’t get too excited, we now have to head to Arizona, but this is a surprisingly decent team!
OK it took a few sims so that AZ got the bye (and I had to erase the first conference win because I jokingly simmed the game against AUS when they beat them just to see it and WE WON 24-19 AND I HAD TO DELETE IT!)
But we’re now set up exactly how it would be IRL.
Please sim Gods.
I have paid my penance for this stupid fucking idea haven’t I?
PLEASE!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Literally had a 2-score lead with 4 minutes to go and couldn’t seal it.
Sim 1109:
9-7 and we’re once again the 2 seed and we get to host the 8-8 Silverbacks but after that last one broke my heart I’m not getting invested until the conference championship and even then I’ll be skeptical, but let’s get to the game!
41-31 loss, moving on.
Sim 1100-1110:
Well for all the excitement from that grouping, it just makes the failure hurt all the more to be honest.
Sims 1110-1120:
Well being frustrated at blown chances doesn’t mean I don’t want *any* chances, moderation is key!
Sims 1120-1130:
I’m just ready for this to be over, and now with the double media timeline until the 16th I have a definite end goal.
Sim 1136:
8-8 gives us a road game to NOLA as the 3 seed. You know the drill.
Yup 21-55 blowout. Moving on.
Sims 1130-1140:
God the Uncharted soundtracks are just so good, I think it’s time for my like 50th playthrough of the series.
Sims 1140-1150:
Over 4,000 words!
Sims 1150-1160:
Aight, this getting boring every 10, I’m switching to every 20.
Sims 1160-1180:
Yeah this is much better. Still in a playoff drought though.
Sims 1180-1200:
The playoff drought has now hit 64 sims, please don’t top the 198 streak. Either way, I’m done for the night at 1200. This HAS to end soon.
Sims 1200-1220:
Yup, officially in a playoff drought. 84 sims.
Sims 1220-1240/ Sim 1240:
We finally make it again at the end of this section at 8-8 for the 3 seed to go on the road to Austin! The drought ends at 104 sims!
And we lose by 8, so right back to it!
Sims 1240-1260:
Budabubaba I’m loving it.
Sims 1260-1280:
I want off this ride.
Sims 1280-1300:
I guess I’m not leaving yet, but we’re back up to 60 sims without playoffs.
Sims 1300-1320:
80.
Sims 1320-1340:
Hey we’re at the century mark! NIce! (Note: This is not nice.)
Sim 1350:
Finally! 9-7 gives us the 3rd seed just ahead of New York and we head on the road to Austin.
Blown out 21-45. At least the streak is broken after 110?
Sims 1340-1360:
One playoff appearance in 20 sims is disappointing but to be expected at this point.
Sims 1360-1380:
I guess I should have taken that one playoff appearance last time huh?
Sims 1380-1400:
200 more sims down and still nowhere close to a win. But it only takes one sim for everything to fall into place and I’ve seen this team make an Ulimus in an unofficial sim so I know it can happen, and I won’t stop until it does! Back again tomorrow. 4,500 words!
Sims 1400-1420:
I swear the longer this goes on the worse this team gets, we’ve got multiple winless seasons now.
Sims 1420-1440:
Yeah this is a serious dry spell. Kind of unlucky too, ‘cause we had 2 8-8 seasons and neither made the playoffs.
Sim 1452:
9-7 finally gets us back in the dance and we get the 2 seed out of it, so hosting Austin is our first stop!
And our last as it turns out, we lose 44-30.
Sims 1440-1460:
Hope everyone has a happy easter weekend!
Sims 1460-1480:
Mine’s good so far, Saturday should be easy.
Sims 1480-1500:
Really feels like we’re making a ton of progress.
In terms of the sim number.
‘Cause in terms of record we ain’t doing shit!
Sim 1504:
7-9 is in this rare instance good enough to snatch the 3 seed and a road trip to NOLA for the divisional round.
And we shockingly get the win! 31-24 is a massive upset to give us a road trip to AZ!
I’m gonna be optimistic and sim the NSFC championship game first to find our opponent. It’ll either be 1-seed Yellowknife or fellow 3-seed Colorado.
And Colorado gets the upset! Well now we have to win, for the 3-seed bowl (and because it’s probably the best hope we have for winning the game whenever we eventually get there…)
But now it’s time to sim the AZ game and cross my fingers! LETS DO THIS!
Aaaaaand we lose 16-41.
And AZ beats COL in the Ultimus, so none of that mattered anyways.
Damnit.
Sims 1500-1520:
Well the conference championship visit was nice, we gotta win one of those at some point right?
Sims 1520-1540:
I think when I hit 5,000 words I might change to just writing down playoff games. Cutting out these entries with not much to say can help speed stuff up. Might have to write out the 500 words to get that 2.5X boost.
Sim 1550:
8-8 gets us the 2 seed which means we get to host 7-9 NYS at home! You know, sim 1550 would be a great and extremely satisfying number to end on!
Lets beat New York!
Or lets lose by 10 36-26. Ugh.
Sims 1540-1560:
Well one playoff game is nice I guess. Really feels like they’re getting further and further apart. Another reason to skip ahead after 5,000.
Sims 1560-1580:
5 TPE away from tying my previous player Joel Drake’s TPE peak. He peaked at 1286 and I’m currently at 1281 with 5 TPE coming whenever they get around to grading my wiki update. Definitely ready to pass that!
Sim 1585:
For the first time we go 9-6-1 and that gets us the 3rd seed behind Austin and AZ both tied at 10-6, so to Texas we go for the divisional!
And an overtime TD knocks us out of the dance! Damnit.
Sims 1580-1600:
Alright. 1,600 sims, 5,000 words, and one update every 10-20 sims and each playoff run. After all that this still hasn’t even made it as far as an Ultimus game, let alone win one so here’s what’s going to change. If we make the playoffs that will be the only time I write a new update in the same format as before. Other than that, this article is not changing so the next time you see me this very well may be hundreds of sims down th eline, or maybe things will speed up! Either way, things need to change to keep this fresh and moving.
Sim 1684:
84 sims later we get a playoff berth at 9-7 for the 3 seed! Interestingly enough for the first time in ages Arizona has to settle for the 2 seed while NOLA claims the top spot. ALl this to say don’t be surprised if I post that we got blown out in just a second…
HOLY SHIT!
Where the **** was this during the million conference championships we played against them!?
Well I can’t complain, we’re heading to the conference championship against NOLA!
Yellowknife makes the Ultimus as we face iff against NOLA! This is our best shot in ages and we had to beat AZ to get it! Please don’t waste it!
And we got blown out 47-17. The worst part is that’s the most hope I’ve had in ages.
Sim 1742:
Almost 60 sims later we find ourselves back with a 7-9 record and on the road to Austin. Not a great chance but at this point I’ll take a playoff spot with an 0-16 record if that’s what it takes!
Anyways, Austin game:
17-38 loss, pretty much as expected.
Sim 1831:
Phew, been a while! How you guys been? I’ve just been here, y’know, simming losing seasons over and over again for 89 straight times before now, where it’s also a losing season but this losing season was good enough to get a playoff spot at 7-9, so on we go to San Jose for the first time in I don’t know how long! Have we ever even faced SJS in the playoffs before? I’m not sure we have but I ain’t checking.
OH DAMN!
It, quite literally, does not get any closet than that, but on the road we go to you-know-who. Hell, we beat ‘em bad in the divisional a while ago so maybe it can happen here!
Here we go! For a spot in the Ultimus! LETS GO!
Sigh, We lose by 14, so on we go.
Sim 1871:
9-7, 3 seed, road to Austin. Deja Vu am I right?
33-36 loss so yeah, Deja Vu.
Sim 1952:
After 81 sims we get back in as the 2 seed with an 8-8 record! We get to host New Orleans in what is likely the last chance to end this before 2K sims.
And we pick up a 3-point victory after just holding off a 4th-quarter comeback off of a game-winning field goal! So we head to Arizona once again. Maybe this time we get over the hump?
Yellowknife tops the Crash for the NSFC spot, let’s beat Arizona and face ‘em in the championship!!!!
A safety…
A safety with less than 30 seconds left is what gave AZ the 2-point win. I swear this game just thinks up dumber and dumber ways for us to lose. The good news is eventually it will run out and let us in!
The next time you see me, we will be past 2 thousand sims!
Sim 2000:
No playoffs, but I wanted to mark the occasion. 2,000 sims! People thought I was crazy when I hit 100, and now we’re 20 times that! Hah, fun times.
Wait, this will end at some point right?
Sim 2029:
77 sims ago we made the conference championship, now a 8-8 we must go though Austin ont he road at 11-5 to do it again. We’re now officially in the future with these sims too, ‘cause it’s 2023, and we’re ahead of that now, when I started at 0. Fun. Anyways, the game.
Oh no we lost 27-12, what a surprise. Moving on.
Sim 2047:
Well that was fast! 9-7 and we’re back as the 3rd seed tied with NOLA but they held the tiebreaker so we go on the road. LETS DO THIS!!
A 15-point 4th quarter comeback gets us a 32-28 win!
Now we head to Arizona AND I THINK THIS IS THE ONE GUYS!
Cape Town represents the NSFC and…
We lose to AZ so they represent the ASFC.
Moving on.
Sim 2111:
9-7 is once again good enough for the 2 seed and we get to host the 8-8 Silverbacks! Also Arizona only went 10-6 se we had a real shot at the 1 seed if we hust got a little luckier but lets get to the game!
A 28-34 win with a near-comeback! Lets go we are doing a good job making the most of these playoff chances! Now we once again head to AZ who seem to be weaker than usual… Maybe we can take advantag?
Cape Town gets the upset in the NSFC, so LET’S GET THE UPSET IN THE ASFC!!!
Agh 24-31 why is it always so damn close!?
Sim 2114:
8-8 gets us the 3 seed just 3 sims later, the smallest gap between playoff seasons in ages! Now we go on the road to NOLA, who tied with AZ at 10-6. Lets go!
Well we got blown out 21-41, so never mind.
Sim 2149:
8-8 gets the 3 seed so we have to face NOLA on the road. This is a tricky one though, because they went 12-4 and Arizona went 13-3 so this seems really unlikely.
Yeah 28-20 loss. Let’s try a few more. And by “a few” I mean until this happens, and yes, I am currently enslaved to the sunk cost fallacy.
Sim 2160:
7-9 is enough for the 3 seed and NOLA takes the 1 spot so we start with a road game to Arizona! Well last time we played them in the wildcard we blew them out so lets do that again!
Or we’re the ones blown out 37-17. Well then.
Sim 2187:
8-8 gets us back in the playoffs and once again Arizona falls to the 2 seed this time behind Austin at 12-4 finishing a 11-5, so we head to the desert!
WE ACTUALLY DID IT!
And look at that 4th quarter damn! Well now we get to face Austin, and the unofficial Ultimus appearance was after beating them so there’s a real chance!
Sarasota blows out Yellowknife in the championship 36-10 so lets set the date against ‘em hm?
HOLY SHIT WE ACTUALLY DID IT!
WE’RE GOING TO THE FIRST OFFICIAL ULTIMUS AFTER 2,186 FAILED SIMS
THIS IS NOT A DRILL, THIS IS REAL, THIS IS HAPPENING!
WE ARE FACING SARASOTA IN WHAT COULD BE THE FINAL SIMULATION IN THIS EXPERIMENT! PLEASE LET THIS BE IT!
PLEASE!
I gotta be honest.
I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes combined both before hitting “sim” and after just trying to wrack up the courage to see the score, too afraid of what I’d do if this failed and…
I’m just numb. Like, this is the losses in the conference and divisional round combined times 10 and yet I don’t feel a thing. It’s just so overwhelming to be this close and failing.
I think I’m gonna cover up the pain by simulating.
Yeah, that’s a good idea.
Sim 2291:
So after that gut punch it’s been a bit since we’ve made the playoffs, but we’re finally back with a 2-seed 9-7 record hosting NOLA! Maybe we can go on a playoff win streak?
Nope, 38-26 knocks us out. This defense really does suck.
Sim 2293:
Well that was fast! A slightly worse 7-9 record is enough in a weak ASFC for the 3 seed and Austin took the top spot at 13-2-1 so Arizona is our opening opponent on the road! They are a vastly superior team to us so I don’t expect much but every chance is one that could be it, no matter how unlikely!
Lol, shut out 29-0. Yeah pretty much expected.
Sim 2295:
Well how about this!? This is the most success in terms of playoff spots we’ve had in this whole thing! 7-9 gets us back in the 3-seed behind the 9-7 Second Line and the 14-2 Outlaws. Lets beat NOLA and end this!
51-9 loss.
Sim 2361:
8-8 gets us back in the 3 spot behind the surprisingly 2-seeded Outlaws with Austin taking the 1 spot at 12-4. I don’t have high hopes for this run but we’ve beaten both of these teams before!
Damn, 6 point loss in OT.
Sim 2393:
9-7 and we’re back in the 2-seed! We hold the tiebreaker over Austin so we get to host them. I think you know who got the 1-seed…
Oh come on! We held a 19-point lead going into the 4th and blew it and then lost in OT! Ugh.
Sim 2443:
7-9 sneaks us in but we’ve got a real gauntlet ahead of us. Both Arizona and Austin went 12-4 but we start with Austin. Lets pull it off!
17-27 so we did not in fact pull it off.
Sim 2461:
8-8 record and we’re back in it! The 3-seed pits us against the 9-7 Copperheads. We have a much better offense and a much worse defense and we’re on a playoff losing streak so let’s break it!
THE DEFENSE STEPS UP! We win 23-3 and finally make it back to the conference championship against AZ. They are the much better team all round but they did lose 3 games in the sim so they’re not invincible, and I think we can pull this off! Let’s make our 2nd Ultimus in this series!
Sarasota upsets Cape Town so they head to Yellowknife and we also got the upset so we face Arizona! Please let’s not have yet another AZ V YKW Ultimus. I’ve seen that too often.
Yellowknife beats Sarasota and…
We lose badly to Arizona so it doesn’t matter.
Sim 2479:
We go 9-7 but lose the tiebreaker to Austin so we once again have to go to Austin for the first game. We have a slightly better offense and a much worse defense so maybe they’ll step it up again?
Eyy! We pull off a 34-27 win with a 17-point 4th quarter and once more we go to the desert fo the right to head to the Ultimus!
We are once again a vastly inferior team to Arizona but there’s always a chance!
Yellowknife beats Cape Town so they’re in it again, so we are once again responsible for stopping the rematch. Let’s get this party started!
And we were apparently not invited as we lose 31-44. Back to the grind.
Sim 2614:
Well that took far too long. 135 sims later we’re back in at 7-9 behind Austin and Arizona. At this point I’m glad we even made it regardless as to how this run goes. We have a massive advantage on offense and a massive disadvantage on defense so maybe that’ll even out in our favor.
Damn, lost on a last-second field goal. Back to the grind once more.
Sim 2631:
8-8. Playoffs. 3rd seed behind 13-3 NOLA and AZ. Not a lot of hope but there’s always a chance.
27-32 loss. Damn close.
Sim 2710:
8-8 gets us the 3rd slot behind NYS and AZ so we’re headed to the Big Apple for the divisional round. Our offenses are equally good and our defense is 100 points worse so that’s not..great. On to the game.
29-31 loss off of a failed 2-point conversion. Damn of course NYS wants to be good now huh? Couldn’t have done that in the real thing?
Whatever, moving on.
Sim 2777:
We’re back after 67 sims with an 8-8 record for the 3-seed tied with Austin. We have to go on the road to Texas for the game but we have a vastly superior offense so that might help. Let’s get to the Championship round!
Nope, lost by 11 20-31. Ah well.
Sim 2801:
Just after the 2800 sim we make it in at 9-7 behind Arizona and New York. We head to NYC with a slightly better offense, and….. Well you know how bad this defense is right? It’s never allowed better than the 3rd worst amount of points in the league so not much reason to get into it. Just know that the offense has had to play well to counter that.
And they do it again! We win 38-21, a blowout on the road! Man I’m glad NYS sucked so much at home for no reason. Anyways enough celebrating, we need to go to the desert for the conference championship!
Shockingly, Yellowknife makes it for the NSFC, I know you’re all shocked. But now we take on the juggernauts of the league!
And we get 53 dropped on us and lose by 36. Ugh.
Sim 2832:
We got the 2 seed with a 9-7 record over San Jose. Oddly enough, we had 6 road wins and only 3 home wins so this is weirdly bad for us? Well, let’s hope it flips for us in this game yeah?
Nope. 31-10 blowout.
Sim 2843:
We’re back in the 2-seed at 9-7 and in a much better spot than the last time. We’ve still allowed a crap ton of points but managed to score more than we allowed at 500. If that offense shows up at home against Austin we have a real shot to make it all the way.
8-8 Copperheads are the first up!
And are also the last. Two 2nd-half pick-sixes seal the fate and we lose by 7.
Sim 2903:
A second 10-6 record has finally happened and it was enough for the 2-seed ahead of NOLA! Still behind Arizona and we allowed more points than we scored, but it was good enough for double-digit wins!
First, let’s take on New Orleans!
Let’s go! 26-16 win and we get to move on!
Sarasota takes down CTC so they take on Yellowknife in the NSFC championship and we take on Arizona!
Sarasota beat Yellowknife in an upset and they’re who we faced the first time we made the Ultimus, so why don’t we do that again?
Let’s face the Outlaws in the desert!
33-14 loss.
Sim 2990:
Well this is the weirdest finish we’ve seen so far, but we’ll take the 2 seed!
Let’s blow out Austin!
We lost by 5.
Sim 3016:
Our first playoff sim since passing the 3K mark is 8-8 and the 3 seed behind NOLA and AZ at 11-5 each. NOLA lost the tie so we go on the road to Louisiana for the divisional round.
Lost by 3, moving on.
Sim 3048:
10-6 for the 3rd time! We got the 3rd seed still because NOLA went 11-5 and jumped Arizona for the 1st, so we go on the road to the South Western United States for the divisional. Please defense just be at least mediocre.
HOT DAMN!
A narrow win to be sure but it counts all the same and we head to the South East for a showdown with the Second Line!
Cape Town absolutely annihilates Berlin, which them making it that far is unusual in and of itself, but it’s still Cape Town’s slot all the same.
Now all that’s left is for us to beat NOLA for our spot in the Ultimus!
HOLY SHIT WE ACTUALLY DID IT!
NOT ONLY DID WE WIN BUT IT WASN’T EVEN CLOSE!
NOW WE HEAD TO THE SECOND ULTIMUS IN THIS SERIES AGAINST THE CRASH!
OK, ok, calm down. Cape Town went 13-3 and is in every measure a vastly superior team to us. They scored 480 points to our 452, and allowed 373 to our 438. By all rights this game shouldn’t even be close, but by that same token, we shouldn’t even be here! So what’s one more miracle huh!?
SCREW CALMING DOWN, LET’S WIN THIS SUNUVABITCH!!!
GODDAMNIT!
We were up 31-20 at the start of the 4th and we blew it! We blew it!
Sim 3207:
Well that last run clearly took a lot out of this team as it’s been 159 sims since making it back, but we’re here now at 8-8 behind Austin and Arizona. Not sure how, as our offense was decent but was dwarfed by the terribleness of our defense, so I don’t think we’re going too far, but there’s always a chance!
What the fuck?
Well Cape Town’s heading back, so let’s join them shall we?
33-16 loss, yeah I thought not.
Sim 3245:
7-9 and we’re heading to NOLA for the divisional.
Lost by 17, moving on.
Sim 3421:
9-7 and we’re in the 3rd seed one game behind Arizona! NOLA got the 1 so we start our playoff journey in the desert.
Lost by 17. Bleh.
Sim 3478:
You know I just checked, and I missed the 2 month anniversary of this things start.
I’ve been doing this for 2 months…..
Anyways, we made the playoffs at 8-8!
3 seed behind Austin and Arizona, and we start on the road to Texas.
Augh, lost by 3, 24-27.
Sim 3553:
8-8 gives us a road trip to good ol’ Louisiana! They’re really good so this is unlikely but let’s do it!
40-28 loss. NEXT!
Sim 3582:
Maaaaan, we were This close to getting the number 1 seed at 9-7, but a tie with AZ and AUS finishing at 9-6-1 means we are relegated back to our regular 3-seed. Firs, we travel to the Southwest for the divisional matchup!
Lost by 10.
Sim 3633:
8-8 puts us in the 2-seed so we get to host the Silverbacks, a team we’ve not had the best luck against so far, but we do have a better offense than them so let’s go get this win!
A back-and-forth game goes in our favor and we win 39-35! Once more we go to Arizona for the conference championship!
Cape Town upsets Yellowknifeso let’s get another upset!
34-24 loss, so much for that.
Sim 3655:
8-7-1 Just gives us a tiebreaker over NOLA and now we head to Austin. We’re much better on offense, much worse on defense, yadda yadda yadda, let’s get the win!
13-30 Loss, not even close…
Sim 3660:
A playoff season off of a winning record! I know 8-7-1 counts technically but 9-7 just seems more official. We get the 2nd seed so we get to host Austin with a much better offense! Let’s get some revenge!
Gah lost by 3.
Sim 3959:
Holy hell it’s been almost 300 sims! That almost doubles the previous record for longest stretch without playoffs, and it took ages. FYI, I’ve officially graduated a month ago today so it's been quite a while since my last entry. We are 5 weeks into the S42 ISFL season and the Hahalua are once again one of the best teams in the conference, so their rebuild is going faster than this sim.
Anyways, 8-7-1 got us the 3 seed behind NOLA and AZ, so to the city of jazz we go!
Lost by 3. Please don’t be another 300 sims before the next playoff run. Please.
Sim 3991:
Thankfully we’re back in at 8-8 after another 32 sims and we get to head to Austin for game 1 in the divisional round!
31-13 blowout loss, so we move on likely to hit 4,000 sims before our next playoff chance.
Sim 4010:
Our first 4k playoff appearance is at 8-8 for the 3 seed behind NOLA and AZ! On the road we head once again to Louisiana looking for our first playoff victory since sim 3,633!
34-10 these losses just keep getting worse…
Sim 4103:
Another 93 sims later we’re back in at 8-8 behind Arizona and Austin. Nothing else to say, let’s just get to the first game yes?
Lost by 4 on a last-minute TD pass to Beeblebrox. Back on the ride we go.
Sim 4162:
Thankfully a much smaller gap this time between appearances, and under very similar circumstances. 8-8 behind Austin and Arizona although with a much better offense this time. First up, we head to Texas.
And this time we make the 4th quarter comeback relying on a 108-yard kick return TD by LMH! 35-31 is the score that sends us just a few states over to face off against Arizona!
Number one seed Yellowknife beats Sarasota to advance to the finals, and we play Arizona for the privilege! Let’s make our 3rd trip and end this project once and for all!
20-42 loss, though this was more exciting than quite a few of our last playoff trips.
Sim 4214:
We are very lucky here as 8-8 is enough to get us the 2 seed ahead of NOLA’s 7-8-1 record. AZ is still ahead of us of course but we get to host the Second Line here in Hawaii! 2 really bad teams fight for the right to almost give AZ the Ultimus spot. Let’s do this!
Yellowknife tops Sarasota and we head to the Outlaws home for the fight for the 3rd Ultimus appearance!
Well we held a 14-0 lead at the start but lost 24-42 all the same… Let’s a go right back to hell…
Sim 4273:
Another winning record playoff spot! 9-7 gets us that final spot behind Arizona and Austin so on the road we go looking for yet another playoff win.
27-40 loss, the defense is really killing us.
Sim 4277:
8-8 now gets us the 2nd seed so we get to host Austin! I like the amount of recent playoff runs we’ve had, and we only need one to hit! Let’s defeat Austin with our superior offense!
38-35 loss, and back around and around we go.
Sim 4311:
Wow! A 10-6 Hahalua team for only the 4th time in 4,311 sims! And it was enough for the 2 seed ahead of Austin who won their 8-8 tiebreaker over the Sabercats! Now we get to host another playoff game against the Sneks giving us a much-needed advantage in the divisional round!
And a 48-yard TD pass with 20 seconds to go makes it meaningless as we lose 35-28…
Sim 4365:
8-8 once again gets us the 3 seed but this time our opponent is not Austin, but is in fact New Orleans! We have the best offense in the league but the worst defense in the playoffs, so it’s a good thing people know offense wins championships right?
Right?
20-27 loss, so on we go…
Sim 4410:
7-9 is not only good enough to put us in the playoffs, but it is also good enough for the 2-seed, breaking a tie between us, NOLA, Austin, and San Jose! So we get to host NOLA in the first round at home, a huge break on a bad year.
And a BIG 29-15 win at home over the Second Line moves us on to a road visit against the far-superior Arizona Outlaws for a long-shot chance at a 3rd Ultimus appearance.
CTC tops Yellowknife 30-25 so that’s the first 1-seed who has punched their ticket to the championship, now let’s get another upset to keep it to only 1!
49-10 loss, oof.
We keep going!
Sim 4430:
A bit of an interesting one here, we went 7-9 to grab the 3-seed and the 2-seed belongs to Arizona so they’re gonna be our divisional round opponent while NOLA grabbed the 1-seed and the bye.
Our biggest hurdle is the one we get to face right away! Let’s take on AZ on the road and make this our final sim!
37-20 loss, so so much for that.
Here is the link with every single attempt documented if you're interested:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1...sp=sharing
I’m going to open this differently than I had intended.
Initially, I had planned to only post this once this Hahalua team had won the Ultimus. There was a joke going on around the league for a time that we weren’t sure whether this team would win the championship before the real(ish) Hahalua won their next title. Obviously, as you now know, that ended up not even being a competition. After 4,592 sims, no ring came to Honolulu, and I just don’t have the energy or desire to sim this any longer. The past few times I had sat down determined to sim at least 100 seasons I struggled to even do 2 or 3 before closing the game. Kobo once asked me how long I was willing to try before giving up. I said I was willing to go as far as it took but I truly never considered this taking much more than 100 attempts, let alone more than 40 times that with no indication of any success. With that I suppose the 3 losses would just have to do, as the closest this team would ever get. I thought this would be funny or even a cool media series idea to start to truly see what the odds were that each team had to win it all.
Knowing all that, and being aware that this experiment does ultimately end up iu failure, feel free to either read or to close this article here. Either way I’m glad you gave me a chance.
I still want that Gemini award though Baron.
Enjoy.
The Honolulu Hahalua have gone through perhaps the biggest first-to-last transformation for any team in ISFL history. No other squad has gone from multiple championship-winning seasons to the worst record in the league in such a short time as they have. Given that Honolulu has probably my favorite LR outside of my actual teams, I want to see them get back to success. However, I have both no power in running the Hahalua, and no patience to do so over the seasons required to successfully build them back up.
What I do have however is time, a WK2 save file, and a copy of Draft Day Sports Pro Football 2021. So I shall use these resources to sim over and over again until Honolulu wins the championship with its current roster. This article shall serve as an active diary of my experiences over however long it takes for all the pieces to fall into place.
Pray for me
The Sims:
Sim 1:
So I boot the game up, hit “sim regular season” and sit back. 10 seconds later it is over and what do I find awaiting me in the standings? Maybe this will be one-and-done!
Well damn. That’s not encouraging
Ah well, on to the next one!
Sim 2:
Good news! Honolulu didn’t finish in last place this time!
They finished tied for last!
Fortunately, if they keep increasing their win total by 3 every season this should only take about 4 to 5 more sims until they go undefeated! I still have hope to do this in 10 sims or less!
On to the next one!
Sim 3:
Well, in terms of wins, we’ve gone backward, but in terms of standings, we’re in the exact same spot we were before!
Now that it’s starting to set in just how long this will probably take, I think I’ll only check-in every 10 or so sims, unless anything interesting happens. So I’ll see you then!
Sim 10:
So, 10 sims in and we do have something interesting to note: They almost went .500! Granted, it was 7-9 and 5th in the ASFC, but so far it’s the best hope we’ve seen so far!
Sim 11:
WE’VE MADE THE PLAYOFFS!
An 8-8 record was enough to make it in 3rd, and the Hahalua are in prime position for a 2011 Giants run! Can they do it!?
No, no they can’t. Blown out in the 1st round by Austin. But they actually made it!
This IS possible!
Sims 12-20:
This might not be possible.
After the playoff appearance, there were only 2 seasons that were reasonably close to making it and they were 7 and 6 wins each, so not particularly close.
On to the next 10.
Sims 21-30:
This might’ve been a mistake
Sims 31-40:
You know, if I just deleted this now nobody would know, and I could just go back to sim testing for my actual team.
Sims 41-50:
I wonder what Icebear will do whenever I post this. Probably try to tamper me, he does that a lot. Pays off HO to look the other way, it’s a whole thing.
Sim 51:
WE MADE THE PLAYOFFS AGAIN!
At 8-8 the tiebreakers worked out to make it! First round goes against the Second Line….
And it’s a massive loss. 20-44 on the road, and we once again go on the merry-go-round from hell.
Sims 52-60:
And blood-black nothingness began to spin... A system of cells interlinked within cells interlinked within cells interlinked within one stem... And dreadfully distinct against the dark, a tall white fountain played
Sim 69:
Well…That’s a low point.
Sims 61-68/70:
Tom Cruise is a cool guy, I don’t care what everyone else says. Mission Impossible rocks, and The Last Samurai is one of the best films ever made.
THE NEXT DAY
So it’s been a night and I’m back on the grind. Decided to check out the word count after day 1 and…..this feels strangely appropriate.
Sims 71-80:
A second wind from a good nights rest is gonna be used up quick if all I get record-wise is 5 and 6 wins at best.
Sims 89:
8-8! Not just 8-8, but the second seed in the conference! That means they get to host a playoff game for the first time! Please, please at least make the conference championship…
THEY DID IT!
THEY WON A PLAYOFF GAME!
Now, however, they must face their greatest challenge yet. They have to go on the road to face the Arizona Outlaws….
Both games simmed against them were losses, and one was as bad as 52-10, but I have hope, cause this is the best we’ve seen so far! LET'S GET THIS WIN HONOLULU!
DAMNIT
Sims 81-88/90:
Well, normally at this point I’d expect to be a little upset, but with the recent near-success, I think I’m ready to do this! Let’s get to 100!
Sim 97:
Playoffs again! 8-8 again but the 3rd seed so no home game.
I STILL BELIEVE
Yeah…. I didn’t really believe.
Sims 91-100:
Outside of the one playoff “run” nothing to note as we cross the century mark.
Sim 104:
8-8 is once again good enough for the 2 seed! This time it’s the New York Silverbacks going on the road to Honolulu. Normally I’d be thrilled by this but seeing as I’m rooting for Honolulu in this scenario, I’m hoping my team can take a dive.
Damnit.
Sim 109:
8-8 is once again the playoffs.
You know, I wonder if we’ll ever see an above .500 Hahalua team…anyways lets see if this is the one!
HEY A ROAD WIN!
For the second time we see Honolulu go to the conference championship to face you-know-who on the road. I just hope it’s a little closer this time!
Well, technically it is closer.
Sims 101-110:
Well, that was exciting. Business as usual though.
Sim 114:
For the 7th time now the Hahalua find themselves in the dance. For those interested, 7 times in the playoffs out of 114 sims is a whopping 6%, so that’s roughly the odds the Hahalua have to make it, which is honestly higher than I would’ve guessed. But enough about the real league, this is about the simulated playoffs within the simulated league. First rounds against the Second Line.
Holy crap.
Next up goes against…well you know.
Aughhhhhhhhhhh
Sims 111-120:
Getting that close almost hurts more than the countless 2 and 3 win seasons to be honest.
Sims 120-130:
The final sim sees us make the postseason, and for the first time its the Outlaws who are our first round opponents as they finished a disappointing 8-7-1, with the Second Line taking the top seed at 12-4. First things first however, and the road to Arizona awaits!
Every sim makes me want to fold that damned franchise more and more.
Sim 133:
8-8. Playoffs. Road game. You know the drill.
Close shave but a win’s a win!
AND NOLA BEAT ARIZONA!
I don’t care that technically it wouldn’t happen cause Arizona would have a bye, I’ll take what I can get.
And it doesn’t even matter…
On to the next one.
Sims 130-140:
Sigh
Sims 140-150:
You know, it’s Saturday when I’m writing this. I could be doing anything with my weekend.
Sim 153:
7-9 is once again good enough for the postseason! Road to Austin for the championship round!
Aaand it ends there.
Sims 150-160:
It’s 5 months until the next Mission Impossible and I don’t wanna wait that long.
Sims 160-170:
Got through all of Fallout so now I guess I need to start a new show or movie to pass the time.
Sims 170-180:
This was a really dumb idea for media that’s gonna get like 10 views.
Sims 180-190:
You know what’s funny…In order to restart the sim accurately I have to completely close the game and re-open it between every run, so my steam friends are just seeing “Rusfan is now playing DDSPF21” over and over again.
Sim 191:
We have it! Our first winning season! Not sneaking in because of tiebreakers and other sucky teams, but an honest-to-God over .500 record! 9-7 gives us the privilege of a road game against Austin!
I hate this
Sims 190-200:
I knew this would take a while, but I honestly didn’t think I’d hit 200 sims.
I have closed and re-opened this Godforsaken sim 200 times just to see 1, 2, 3, and 4 win seasons so many times that it all blurs together.
I swear to God when this eventually happens I had better be worshipped in the HON LR and given some sort of special role for this.
I’m taking a break.
Sims 200-210:
We all live in a yellow submarine…
Sims 210-220:
If y’all have never read The Martian I highly recommend it. Or watch the Matt Damon film version if you don’t like to read.
Sims 220-230:
You know what I miss from movies? The Femme Fatale, why did that ever stop? Don’t know why that character type is dead now but I want it back.
Sims 230-240:
God, Whose Line is it Anyway was such a good show with Drew Carrey hosting
Sims 240-250:
I just wanna see the playoffs again. It’s been so long…
Sims 250-260:
It has officially been 69 sims since the last playoff appearance. Not nice.
Sim 261:
Ask and ye shall receive! A 4-way 8-8 tie in the ASFC gets us a spot in the playoffs to face NOLA on the road.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…
Sims 260-270:
Why are you still reading this?
Sims 270-280:
The sims all blend together, what day is it? What time is it? Where am I?
Sims 280-290:
If we fold Honolulu as a franchise maybe I can stop doing this.
Sims 290-300:
300 was certainly a movie.
Sims 300-310:
So now I’ve started MI4, so now I’ll have watched every single one except for 2, or to put it another way, every one worth watching.
Sims 310-320:
It’s not that I hate MI2 understand, it just pails in comparison to every other movie in the franchise.
Sims 320-330:
They tried to make Ethan Hunt into an American James Bond and that just doesn’t work. Not that I don’t enjoy that character type but with him it doesn’t work.
Sims 330-340:
Funnily enough, the reverse also happened to Daniel Craig’s Bond over his last 2 or o movies, where they tried to turn him from ladies man to family man and it didn’t really work their either.
Sims 340-350:
You know what I realized watching this? Mission Impossible and Jason Bourne are 2 franchises that tried to replace it’s leading man with Jeremy Renner in its 4th installment.
Sims 350-360:
After The Bourne Ultimatum the studios wanted to continue the franchise without Matt Damon so they made The Bourne Legacy with Renner, and it flopped so they eventually made Jason Bourne like 6 years later with Damon back at the helm.
Sim 366:
Finally! After 104 sims we have another playoff spot at 8-8! I was beginning to lose hope to be honest. First game is on the road to NOLA.
I think I might cry.
Sims 360-370:
And then a few years after MI3 came out and Cruise was almost 50 when MI4 released, the studio thought he might not be able to do those movies for much longer so they tried to have Renner take over the lead after that film.
Sims 370-380:
And now Bourne has ended and MI just keeps going strong, and neither kept Renner as either more than an auxiliary role if he stayed around at all, so I guess the moral of the story is don’t hire Jeremy Renner?
Sims 380-390:
Anyways, since we’re gonna be here a while, how are you doing?
Sim 395:
A second winning season! 9-7 again gets the 3rd seed and a road game to Austin. I’m a little conflicted because if this ends now that makes us just shy of 400 sims, and that’s a completely arbitrary number that holds meaning because it is a whole new century..
I’ve changed my mind, I would’ve been fine with ending it here.
Sims 390-400:
You know, It didn’t hit me until just now but…if you were to put the odds of a Honolulu championship at .1% the mathematically that means you would expect a championship win at around 1,000 simulations, so if that’s true I’m not even halfway done. It’s Monday the 27th by the way so it’s officially been 4 days of simming now.
Sim 402:
What a waste! A third 9-7 season but this one wasn’t good enough to make the playoffs. Ugh.
Sim 407:
The 400 series might be cursed, because we have a fourth over-.500 season and this also didn’t make the playoffs at 8-7-1!
Sim 400-410:
Anyways I’ve been kind of rude because I asked you how you were doing and never answered that myself. Badly, so thanks for asking.
Sims 410-420:
I wonder if I’ll get paid for all of this, cause it does get rambly, but in my defense, there’s not always much to say, and I gotta say something.
Sim 426:
8-8. Playoffs. Road Game. NOLA.
Loss.
Sims 420-430:
Haha 420 blaze it
Sim 431:
8-8, Playoffs. Road Game. Austin.
WIN! And Arizona lost to San Jose so we get to host the Championship round against a 8-8 San Jose!
God….Damnit
Sims 430-440:
I have no mouth and I must scream.
Sims 440-450:
I saw that OOTP Baseball was working with the PBE, and got really jealous that we didn’t have the same thing with Wolverine Studios.
Sim 454:
Playoffs. 7-9. Road game. NOLA.
Massive comeback but just falls short.
Sim 458:
8-8 is enough for the 3rd seed and a road game against NOLA.
Statistically, this has to happen at some point right?
Sims 450-460:
I’m so crazy from this that I’ve started making graphics. What’s happened to me?
Sims 460-470:
The final sim of the bunch is yet another 8-8 playoff spot, and unusually it’s Arizona in the 2 seed with NOLA taking the first seed, so first round is against AZ.
Aughhhhhhhhhh
Sims 470-480:
No playoffs. Sad panda.
Sims 480-490:
Still no playoffs. Sadder panda.
So, fun fact:
When you’re doing something that feels impossible and you decide to take a break, there’s a very real chance that said break goes from a few days to a whole month. Not that I did that or anything, but like, hypothetically, if someone else was to have stopped an equally difficult experiment, on say, March 3rd, they might have only started it up again on April 1st cause they hate themselves.
Sims 490-500:
Heyyyy we’re halfway to a thousand! (Why did I start this again?)
Sims 500-510:
These are not the results you’re looking for
Sims 510-520:
I miss 20 minutes ago when I forgot this existed
Sims 520-530:
You know I’m really digging this impractical jokers show
Sims 530-540:
Allworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboy
Sims 540-550:
I’m done screenshotting every playoff game. I’ll only take pictures in Ultimus games whenever it happens.
Sims 550-560:
This shit sucks
Sims 560-570:
I’ll probably repeat myself in these sections, but you better pay me for every GODDAMN WORD!
Sims 570-580:
*Incomprehensible sobbing*
Sims 580-590:
Just passed 2500 words. This article is now officially worth $2M
Sims 590-600:
Occasionally throughout this experiment, I’ve gone on dry spells with no playoff spots and this is easily the worst one so far at an incomprehensible 130 sims since our last playoff berth. Bleh
Sims 600-610:
140.
Sims 610-620:
150.
Sims 620-630:
160.
Sims 630-640:
Not just 170 straight, but my last 2 simmed records are 0-16 and 2-14, so this is going great!
Sims 640-650:
I think these next 10 are gonna be great!
Sims 650-660:
So speaking it into existence doesn’t seem to work…
Sim 668:
IT WORKED! A little later than I thought…BUT WE’RE BACK IN THE PLAYOFFS AFTER 198 SIMS OUT OF THEM! 8-8 gives us a 3rd seed against New York, who finished 4-12 and worst IRL so this should be easy!
We lost 24-41 so it might not have been easy as I imagined…
Sims 660-670:
Only one playoff appearance but after such a long drought I’m happy.
Sims 670-680:
Please tell me we’re not going on another drought…
Sims 680-690:
It appears we are…great.
Sim 693:
It appears we are not! 7-9 is enough for the 3rd seed against NOLA!
AND A WIN! 21-15 Gets us into the conference championship against….
Oh goddamnit. It’s AZ again.
Yup 21-48 loss, not even close. Back to the grindstone.
Sims 690-700:
Almost ¾ of the way to 1,000, get excited!
Sim 706:
8-8 and playoffs and AZ didn’t even make it! This is the best chance so far!!!
New York got the bye and Austin got the 2 so that’s who we’re facing.
GODDAMNIT WE LOST 24-47!
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sims 700-710:
We’re now talking about this in the main league server so at least everyone else knows the torture I’m putting myself through.
Sims 710-720:
I wonder if this is going to go into Season 41?
Sims 720-730:
Well I’ve got about 2 weeks to do it.
Sims 730-740:
Ended this run with an 0-16 record. Nice.
Sims 740-750:
You know statistically this has to happen at some point, like, it’s literally impossible that it doesn’t.
Sims 750-760:
Officially ¾ of the way to 1,000!
Sims 760-770:
I just want to see double-digits in the W collum, just once soon.
Sims 770-780:
Scip pity doo-dahh, hey hey hey!
Sim 782:
8-8 is good enough for the 2 seed! San Jose is the lucky 7-9 team that gets to head to the playoffs on the road to Honolulu!
And a 3 point home loss. Damnit.
Sims 780-790:
Nothing to see here, move along.
Sims 790-800:
What am I doing with my life?
Sims 800-810:
Is this the real life?
Sims 810-820:
Is this just fantasy?
Sims 820-830:
Caught in a landslide…
Sims 830-840:
No escape from reality
Sims 840-850:
I don’t know any other lyrics so I guess that stops here.
Sims 850-860:
You know Kiefer Sutherland is a better actor than I’ve given him credit for.
Sims 860-870:
People really need to get off social media you know, stuff’s just poison.
Sim 873:
8-8, playoffs, Arizona in the 2 seed and NOLA in the 1. So this could get interesting!
HOLY CRAP!
HOLY CRAP!
A WIN!!!! A 37-26 WIN ON THE ROAD AGAINST AZ TO FACE NOLA IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP!
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…
Sims 870-880:
Well that was exciting for a very brief moment.
Sims 880-890:
I almost hope to hit 1,000 at this point, like, it would almost be disappointing if this ended at like 934 right? Like when you get a 299 while bowling, on its own it’s an insanely impressive score very few people can achieve, but when it’s so close to an ultimate goal…
That being said I would get over it very quickly!
Sim 892:
8-8 is enough for the 3 seed behind Austin, but AZ went 15-1 for the 1st seed so I don’t have much hope.
And a 31-47 loss means it doesn’t even matter
Sims 890-900:
Wow, the big nine-oh-oh, it…doesn’t feel as big as it should, probably because 1,000 is coming up and this just isn’t that.
Well, 900 down, 100 more to go before this becomes legendary!
Sim 904:
8-8 and we got SJS on the docket which is….probably the best opponent to face outside of OCO, but the odds of both HON and OCO making the playoffs at the same time is so unlikely it has yet to happen so I’ll take a divisional round vs SJS.
And after all that, we lose 21-49 so let’s just move on.
Sims 900-910:
Fun fact, google sheets only has 1000 cells from the top row to the bottom before you have to add some more, and you probably don’t know that, because WHY WOULD YOU NEED MORE THAN 1,000 SLOTS?!
Sims 910-920:
Here’s a question, do I finish this before I graduate? It’s only like a month away. Man, that’s a scary thought…
Sims 920-930:
I hate this game.
Sims 930-940:
Back to a serious dry spell.
Sims 940-950:
3500 words now.
Sims 950-960:
We’re getting close…
Sims 960-970:
Almost there…
Sims 970-980:
Getting closer…
Sims 980-990:
Just about there…
Sim 994:
Wait a minute! We have a playoff run to simulate! The 7-9 Hahalua swiped the 3rd seed and go on the road to face the 8-8 Copperheads in a matchup deciding who gets to be blown out by Arizona. So lets do it!
Interesting note, this Hahalua team put up 470 points, good for 2nd best in the league behind NYS, so lets hope that offense shows up!
Well they put up 38 points, but lost by a field goal in OT, so I guess I got my wish?
Sims 990-1000:
We’ve done it! We’ve officially hit 1,000 test runs! I thought that they ought to have a higher than 0.1% chance of winning it all but I was wrong! Officially after 1,000 failed attempts this means that their chances of winning it all in season 40 were less than 0.1%! I guess now we see just how far it goes.
Sims 1000-1010:
Well now that that’s gone what do I keep going for? I guess every sim makes it even crazier?
Sim 1016:
9-7 so a rare positive record is great and is enough for the #2 seed! We get to host NOLA for the right to lose to AZ again. BUT ENOUGH NEGATIVITY, WE WINNING THIS ONE BOIS.
*44-21 loss*
WE NOT WINNING THIS ONE BOIS.
Sim 1017:
BUT WE RIGHT BACK IN THE PLAYOFFS AT 8-8! This time we’re getting on the plane to NOLA before losing to AZ. IT’S TIME FOR SOME REVENGE!!!
*47-23 loss*
GODDAMNIT!
Sims 1010-1020:
Look I don’t know what you want from me at this point. We’re 1,020 sims in, and with a check-in every 10 sims that means that, excluding the playoff write-ups, we’re at 120 writing sections. There’s just not that much to say.
Sims 1020-1030:
These 10 sims were a lot less fun.
Sims 1030-1040:
These were even less fun
Sim 1040-1050:
Anyone who’s a fan of Stephen King needs to see the TV show version of The Dead Zone. It’s one of the few adaptations that’s better than the source material. Unfortunately they never got to finish it completely but it’s still really good and worth a watch.
Sims 1050-1060:
You know I just realized I’ve been naming this wrong the entire time. Technically because I’m including the highest number in the end of the previous group, it really should be like 1051-1060.
Ah screw it, I’m not changing it at this point.
Sims 1060-1070:
It just keeps getting worse and worse.
Sims 1070-1080:
Bleh
Sims 1080-1090:
Blehh
Sims 1090-1100:
Yipee the big 11 hundred, wooooo….
Sim 1102:
WE HAVE A NEW BEST RECORD!
After 1,102 sims the Hahalua have managed a 10-win season for the first time ever! They finish with the #2 seed only 1 game behind the Outlaws at 11-5 and tied with the 3rd seed Second Line so we get to host the game! If it was ever going to happen, it would be now!
AND WE WIN 33-36! Now don’t get too excited, we now have to head to Arizona, but this is a surprisingly decent team!
OK it took a few sims so that AZ got the bye (and I had to erase the first conference win because I jokingly simmed the game against AUS when they beat them just to see it and WE WON 24-19 AND I HAD TO DELETE IT!)
But we’re now set up exactly how it would be IRL.
Please sim Gods.
I have paid my penance for this stupid fucking idea haven’t I?
PLEASE!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Literally had a 2-score lead with 4 minutes to go and couldn’t seal it.
Sim 1109:
9-7 and we’re once again the 2 seed and we get to host the 8-8 Silverbacks but after that last one broke my heart I’m not getting invested until the conference championship and even then I’ll be skeptical, but let’s get to the game!
41-31 loss, moving on.
Sim 1100-1110:
Well for all the excitement from that grouping, it just makes the failure hurt all the more to be honest.
Sims 1110-1120:
Well being frustrated at blown chances doesn’t mean I don’t want *any* chances, moderation is key!
Sims 1120-1130:
I’m just ready for this to be over, and now with the double media timeline until the 16th I have a definite end goal.
Sim 1136:
8-8 gives us a road game to NOLA as the 3 seed. You know the drill.
Yup 21-55 blowout. Moving on.
Sims 1130-1140:
God the Uncharted soundtracks are just so good, I think it’s time for my like 50th playthrough of the series.
Sims 1140-1150:
Over 4,000 words!
Sims 1150-1160:
Aight, this getting boring every 10, I’m switching to every 20.
Sims 1160-1180:
Yeah this is much better. Still in a playoff drought though.
Sims 1180-1200:
The playoff drought has now hit 64 sims, please don’t top the 198 streak. Either way, I’m done for the night at 1200. This HAS to end soon.
Sims 1200-1220:
Yup, officially in a playoff drought. 84 sims.
Sims 1220-1240/ Sim 1240:
We finally make it again at the end of this section at 8-8 for the 3 seed to go on the road to Austin! The drought ends at 104 sims!
And we lose by 8, so right back to it!
Sims 1240-1260:
Budabubaba I’m loving it.
Sims 1260-1280:
I want off this ride.
Sims 1280-1300:
I guess I’m not leaving yet, but we’re back up to 60 sims without playoffs.
Sims 1300-1320:
80.
Sims 1320-1340:
Hey we’re at the century mark! NIce! (Note: This is not nice.)
Sim 1350:
Finally! 9-7 gives us the 3rd seed just ahead of New York and we head on the road to Austin.
Blown out 21-45. At least the streak is broken after 110?
Sims 1340-1360:
One playoff appearance in 20 sims is disappointing but to be expected at this point.
Sims 1360-1380:
I guess I should have taken that one playoff appearance last time huh?
Sims 1380-1400:
200 more sims down and still nowhere close to a win. But it only takes one sim for everything to fall into place and I’ve seen this team make an Ulimus in an unofficial sim so I know it can happen, and I won’t stop until it does! Back again tomorrow. 4,500 words!
Sims 1400-1420:
I swear the longer this goes on the worse this team gets, we’ve got multiple winless seasons now.
Sims 1420-1440:
Yeah this is a serious dry spell. Kind of unlucky too, ‘cause we had 2 8-8 seasons and neither made the playoffs.
Sim 1452:
9-7 finally gets us back in the dance and we get the 2 seed out of it, so hosting Austin is our first stop!
And our last as it turns out, we lose 44-30.
Sims 1440-1460:
Hope everyone has a happy easter weekend!
Sims 1460-1480:
Mine’s good so far, Saturday should be easy.
Sims 1480-1500:
Really feels like we’re making a ton of progress.
In terms of the sim number.
‘Cause in terms of record we ain’t doing shit!
Sim 1504:
7-9 is in this rare instance good enough to snatch the 3 seed and a road trip to NOLA for the divisional round.
And we shockingly get the win! 31-24 is a massive upset to give us a road trip to AZ!
I’m gonna be optimistic and sim the NSFC championship game first to find our opponent. It’ll either be 1-seed Yellowknife or fellow 3-seed Colorado.
And Colorado gets the upset! Well now we have to win, for the 3-seed bowl (and because it’s probably the best hope we have for winning the game whenever we eventually get there…)
But now it’s time to sim the AZ game and cross my fingers! LETS DO THIS!
Aaaaaand we lose 16-41.
And AZ beats COL in the Ultimus, so none of that mattered anyways.
Damnit.
Sims 1500-1520:
Well the conference championship visit was nice, we gotta win one of those at some point right?
Sims 1520-1540:
I think when I hit 5,000 words I might change to just writing down playoff games. Cutting out these entries with not much to say can help speed stuff up. Might have to write out the 500 words to get that 2.5X boost.
Sim 1550:
8-8 gets us the 2 seed which means we get to host 7-9 NYS at home! You know, sim 1550 would be a great and extremely satisfying number to end on!
Lets beat New York!
Or lets lose by 10 36-26. Ugh.
Sims 1540-1560:
Well one playoff game is nice I guess. Really feels like they’re getting further and further apart. Another reason to skip ahead after 5,000.
Sims 1560-1580:
5 TPE away from tying my previous player Joel Drake’s TPE peak. He peaked at 1286 and I’m currently at 1281 with 5 TPE coming whenever they get around to grading my wiki update. Definitely ready to pass that!
Sim 1585:
For the first time we go 9-6-1 and that gets us the 3rd seed behind Austin and AZ both tied at 10-6, so to Texas we go for the divisional!
And an overtime TD knocks us out of the dance! Damnit.
Sims 1580-1600:
Alright. 1,600 sims, 5,000 words, and one update every 10-20 sims and each playoff run. After all that this still hasn’t even made it as far as an Ultimus game, let alone win one so here’s what’s going to change. If we make the playoffs that will be the only time I write a new update in the same format as before. Other than that, this article is not changing so the next time you see me this very well may be hundreds of sims down th eline, or maybe things will speed up! Either way, things need to change to keep this fresh and moving.
Sim 1684:
84 sims later we get a playoff berth at 9-7 for the 3 seed! Interestingly enough for the first time in ages Arizona has to settle for the 2 seed while NOLA claims the top spot. ALl this to say don’t be surprised if I post that we got blown out in just a second…
HOLY SHIT!
Where the **** was this during the million conference championships we played against them!?
Well I can’t complain, we’re heading to the conference championship against NOLA!
Yellowknife makes the Ultimus as we face iff against NOLA! This is our best shot in ages and we had to beat AZ to get it! Please don’t waste it!
And we got blown out 47-17. The worst part is that’s the most hope I’ve had in ages.
Sim 1742:
Almost 60 sims later we find ourselves back with a 7-9 record and on the road to Austin. Not a great chance but at this point I’ll take a playoff spot with an 0-16 record if that’s what it takes!
Anyways, Austin game:
17-38 loss, pretty much as expected.
Sim 1831:
Phew, been a while! How you guys been? I’ve just been here, y’know, simming losing seasons over and over again for 89 straight times before now, where it’s also a losing season but this losing season was good enough to get a playoff spot at 7-9, so on we go to San Jose for the first time in I don’t know how long! Have we ever even faced SJS in the playoffs before? I’m not sure we have but I ain’t checking.
OH DAMN!
It, quite literally, does not get any closet than that, but on the road we go to you-know-who. Hell, we beat ‘em bad in the divisional a while ago so maybe it can happen here!
Here we go! For a spot in the Ultimus! LETS GO!
Sigh, We lose by 14, so on we go.
Sim 1871:
9-7, 3 seed, road to Austin. Deja Vu am I right?
33-36 loss so yeah, Deja Vu.
Sim 1952:
After 81 sims we get back in as the 2 seed with an 8-8 record! We get to host New Orleans in what is likely the last chance to end this before 2K sims.
And we pick up a 3-point victory after just holding off a 4th-quarter comeback off of a game-winning field goal! So we head to Arizona once again. Maybe this time we get over the hump?
Yellowknife tops the Crash for the NSFC spot, let’s beat Arizona and face ‘em in the championship!!!!
A safety…
A safety with less than 30 seconds left is what gave AZ the 2-point win. I swear this game just thinks up dumber and dumber ways for us to lose. The good news is eventually it will run out and let us in!
The next time you see me, we will be past 2 thousand sims!
Sim 2000:
No playoffs, but I wanted to mark the occasion. 2,000 sims! People thought I was crazy when I hit 100, and now we’re 20 times that! Hah, fun times.
Wait, this will end at some point right?
Sim 2029:
77 sims ago we made the conference championship, now a 8-8 we must go though Austin ont he road at 11-5 to do it again. We’re now officially in the future with these sims too, ‘cause it’s 2023, and we’re ahead of that now, when I started at 0. Fun. Anyways, the game.
Oh no we lost 27-12, what a surprise. Moving on.
Sim 2047:
Well that was fast! 9-7 and we’re back as the 3rd seed tied with NOLA but they held the tiebreaker so we go on the road. LETS DO THIS!!
A 15-point 4th quarter comeback gets us a 32-28 win!
Now we head to Arizona AND I THINK THIS IS THE ONE GUYS!
Cape Town represents the NSFC and…
We lose to AZ so they represent the ASFC.
Moving on.
Sim 2111:
9-7 is once again good enough for the 2 seed and we get to host the 8-8 Silverbacks! Also Arizona only went 10-6 se we had a real shot at the 1 seed if we hust got a little luckier but lets get to the game!
A 28-34 win with a near-comeback! Lets go we are doing a good job making the most of these playoff chances! Now we once again head to AZ who seem to be weaker than usual… Maybe we can take advantag?
Cape Town gets the upset in the NSFC, so LET’S GET THE UPSET IN THE ASFC!!!
Agh 24-31 why is it always so damn close!?
Sim 2114:
8-8 gets us the 3 seed just 3 sims later, the smallest gap between playoff seasons in ages! Now we go on the road to NOLA, who tied with AZ at 10-6. Lets go!
Well we got blown out 21-41, so never mind.
Sim 2149:
8-8 gets the 3 seed so we have to face NOLA on the road. This is a tricky one though, because they went 12-4 and Arizona went 13-3 so this seems really unlikely.
Yeah 28-20 loss. Let’s try a few more. And by “a few” I mean until this happens, and yes, I am currently enslaved to the sunk cost fallacy.
Sim 2160:
7-9 is enough for the 3 seed and NOLA takes the 1 spot so we start with a road game to Arizona! Well last time we played them in the wildcard we blew them out so lets do that again!
Or we’re the ones blown out 37-17. Well then.
Sim 2187:
8-8 gets us back in the playoffs and once again Arizona falls to the 2 seed this time behind Austin at 12-4 finishing a 11-5, so we head to the desert!
WE ACTUALLY DID IT!
And look at that 4th quarter damn! Well now we get to face Austin, and the unofficial Ultimus appearance was after beating them so there’s a real chance!
Sarasota blows out Yellowknife in the championship 36-10 so lets set the date against ‘em hm?
HOLY SHIT WE ACTUALLY DID IT!
WE’RE GOING TO THE FIRST OFFICIAL ULTIMUS AFTER 2,186 FAILED SIMS
THIS IS NOT A DRILL, THIS IS REAL, THIS IS HAPPENING!
WE ARE FACING SARASOTA IN WHAT COULD BE THE FINAL SIMULATION IN THIS EXPERIMENT! PLEASE LET THIS BE IT!
PLEASE!
I gotta be honest.
I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes combined both before hitting “sim” and after just trying to wrack up the courage to see the score, too afraid of what I’d do if this failed and…
I’m just numb. Like, this is the losses in the conference and divisional round combined times 10 and yet I don’t feel a thing. It’s just so overwhelming to be this close and failing.
I think I’m gonna cover up the pain by simulating.
Yeah, that’s a good idea.
Sim 2291:
So after that gut punch it’s been a bit since we’ve made the playoffs, but we’re finally back with a 2-seed 9-7 record hosting NOLA! Maybe we can go on a playoff win streak?
Nope, 38-26 knocks us out. This defense really does suck.
Sim 2293:
Well that was fast! A slightly worse 7-9 record is enough in a weak ASFC for the 3 seed and Austin took the top spot at 13-2-1 so Arizona is our opening opponent on the road! They are a vastly superior team to us so I don’t expect much but every chance is one that could be it, no matter how unlikely!
Lol, shut out 29-0. Yeah pretty much expected.
Sim 2295:
Well how about this!? This is the most success in terms of playoff spots we’ve had in this whole thing! 7-9 gets us back in the 3-seed behind the 9-7 Second Line and the 14-2 Outlaws. Lets beat NOLA and end this!
51-9 loss.
Sim 2361:
8-8 gets us back in the 3 spot behind the surprisingly 2-seeded Outlaws with Austin taking the 1 spot at 12-4. I don’t have high hopes for this run but we’ve beaten both of these teams before!
Damn, 6 point loss in OT.
Sim 2393:
9-7 and we’re back in the 2-seed! We hold the tiebreaker over Austin so we get to host them. I think you know who got the 1-seed…
Oh come on! We held a 19-point lead going into the 4th and blew it and then lost in OT! Ugh.
Sim 2443:
7-9 sneaks us in but we’ve got a real gauntlet ahead of us. Both Arizona and Austin went 12-4 but we start with Austin. Lets pull it off!
17-27 so we did not in fact pull it off.
Sim 2461:
8-8 record and we’re back in it! The 3-seed pits us against the 9-7 Copperheads. We have a much better offense and a much worse defense and we’re on a playoff losing streak so let’s break it!
THE DEFENSE STEPS UP! We win 23-3 and finally make it back to the conference championship against AZ. They are the much better team all round but they did lose 3 games in the sim so they’re not invincible, and I think we can pull this off! Let’s make our 2nd Ultimus in this series!
Sarasota upsets Cape Town so they head to Yellowknife and we also got the upset so we face Arizona! Please let’s not have yet another AZ V YKW Ultimus. I’ve seen that too often.
Yellowknife beats Sarasota and…
We lose badly to Arizona so it doesn’t matter.
Sim 2479:
We go 9-7 but lose the tiebreaker to Austin so we once again have to go to Austin for the first game. We have a slightly better offense and a much worse defense so maybe they’ll step it up again?
Eyy! We pull off a 34-27 win with a 17-point 4th quarter and once more we go to the desert fo the right to head to the Ultimus!
We are once again a vastly inferior team to Arizona but there’s always a chance!
Yellowknife beats Cape Town so they’re in it again, so we are once again responsible for stopping the rematch. Let’s get this party started!
And we were apparently not invited as we lose 31-44. Back to the grind.
Sim 2614:
Well that took far too long. 135 sims later we’re back in at 7-9 behind Austin and Arizona. At this point I’m glad we even made it regardless as to how this run goes. We have a massive advantage on offense and a massive disadvantage on defense so maybe that’ll even out in our favor.
Damn, lost on a last-second field goal. Back to the grind once more.
Sim 2631:
8-8. Playoffs. 3rd seed behind 13-3 NOLA and AZ. Not a lot of hope but there’s always a chance.
27-32 loss. Damn close.
Sim 2710:
8-8 gets us the 3rd slot behind NYS and AZ so we’re headed to the Big Apple for the divisional round. Our offenses are equally good and our defense is 100 points worse so that’s not..great. On to the game.
29-31 loss off of a failed 2-point conversion. Damn of course NYS wants to be good now huh? Couldn’t have done that in the real thing?
Whatever, moving on.
Sim 2777:
We’re back after 67 sims with an 8-8 record for the 3-seed tied with Austin. We have to go on the road to Texas for the game but we have a vastly superior offense so that might help. Let’s get to the Championship round!
Nope, lost by 11 20-31. Ah well.
Sim 2801:
Just after the 2800 sim we make it in at 9-7 behind Arizona and New York. We head to NYC with a slightly better offense, and….. Well you know how bad this defense is right? It’s never allowed better than the 3rd worst amount of points in the league so not much reason to get into it. Just know that the offense has had to play well to counter that.
And they do it again! We win 38-21, a blowout on the road! Man I’m glad NYS sucked so much at home for no reason. Anyways enough celebrating, we need to go to the desert for the conference championship!
Shockingly, Yellowknife makes it for the NSFC, I know you’re all shocked. But now we take on the juggernauts of the league!
And we get 53 dropped on us and lose by 36. Ugh.
Sim 2832:
We got the 2 seed with a 9-7 record over San Jose. Oddly enough, we had 6 road wins and only 3 home wins so this is weirdly bad for us? Well, let’s hope it flips for us in this game yeah?
Nope. 31-10 blowout.
Sim 2843:
We’re back in the 2-seed at 9-7 and in a much better spot than the last time. We’ve still allowed a crap ton of points but managed to score more than we allowed at 500. If that offense shows up at home against Austin we have a real shot to make it all the way.
8-8 Copperheads are the first up!
And are also the last. Two 2nd-half pick-sixes seal the fate and we lose by 7.
Sim 2903:
A second 10-6 record has finally happened and it was enough for the 2-seed ahead of NOLA! Still behind Arizona and we allowed more points than we scored, but it was good enough for double-digit wins!
First, let’s take on New Orleans!
Let’s go! 26-16 win and we get to move on!
Sarasota takes down CTC so they take on Yellowknife in the NSFC championship and we take on Arizona!
Sarasota beat Yellowknife in an upset and they’re who we faced the first time we made the Ultimus, so why don’t we do that again?
Let’s face the Outlaws in the desert!
33-14 loss.
Sim 2990:
Well this is the weirdest finish we’ve seen so far, but we’ll take the 2 seed!
Let’s blow out Austin!
We lost by 5.
Sim 3016:
Our first playoff sim since passing the 3K mark is 8-8 and the 3 seed behind NOLA and AZ at 11-5 each. NOLA lost the tie so we go on the road to Louisiana for the divisional round.
Lost by 3, moving on.
Sim 3048:
10-6 for the 3rd time! We got the 3rd seed still because NOLA went 11-5 and jumped Arizona for the 1st, so we go on the road to the South Western United States for the divisional. Please defense just be at least mediocre.
HOT DAMN!
A narrow win to be sure but it counts all the same and we head to the South East for a showdown with the Second Line!
Cape Town absolutely annihilates Berlin, which them making it that far is unusual in and of itself, but it’s still Cape Town’s slot all the same.
Now all that’s left is for us to beat NOLA for our spot in the Ultimus!
HOLY SHIT WE ACTUALLY DID IT!
NOT ONLY DID WE WIN BUT IT WASN’T EVEN CLOSE!
NOW WE HEAD TO THE SECOND ULTIMUS IN THIS SERIES AGAINST THE CRASH!
OK, ok, calm down. Cape Town went 13-3 and is in every measure a vastly superior team to us. They scored 480 points to our 452, and allowed 373 to our 438. By all rights this game shouldn’t even be close, but by that same token, we shouldn’t even be here! So what’s one more miracle huh!?
SCREW CALMING DOWN, LET’S WIN THIS SUNUVABITCH!!!
GODDAMNIT!
We were up 31-20 at the start of the 4th and we blew it! We blew it!
Sim 3207:
Well that last run clearly took a lot out of this team as it’s been 159 sims since making it back, but we’re here now at 8-8 behind Austin and Arizona. Not sure how, as our offense was decent but was dwarfed by the terribleness of our defense, so I don’t think we’re going too far, but there’s always a chance!
What the fuck?
Well Cape Town’s heading back, so let’s join them shall we?
33-16 loss, yeah I thought not.
Sim 3245:
7-9 and we’re heading to NOLA for the divisional.
Lost by 17, moving on.
Sim 3421:
9-7 and we’re in the 3rd seed one game behind Arizona! NOLA got the 1 so we start our playoff journey in the desert.
Lost by 17. Bleh.
Sim 3478:
You know I just checked, and I missed the 2 month anniversary of this things start.
I’ve been doing this for 2 months…..
Anyways, we made the playoffs at 8-8!
3 seed behind Austin and Arizona, and we start on the road to Texas.
Augh, lost by 3, 24-27.
Sim 3553:
8-8 gives us a road trip to good ol’ Louisiana! They’re really good so this is unlikely but let’s do it!
40-28 loss. NEXT!
Sim 3582:
Maaaaan, we were This close to getting the number 1 seed at 9-7, but a tie with AZ and AUS finishing at 9-6-1 means we are relegated back to our regular 3-seed. Firs, we travel to the Southwest for the divisional matchup!
Lost by 10.
Sim 3633:
8-8 puts us in the 2-seed so we get to host the Silverbacks, a team we’ve not had the best luck against so far, but we do have a better offense than them so let’s go get this win!
A back-and-forth game goes in our favor and we win 39-35! Once more we go to Arizona for the conference championship!
Cape Town upsets Yellowknifeso let’s get another upset!
34-24 loss, so much for that.
Sim 3655:
8-7-1 Just gives us a tiebreaker over NOLA and now we head to Austin. We’re much better on offense, much worse on defense, yadda yadda yadda, let’s get the win!
13-30 Loss, not even close…
Sim 3660:
A playoff season off of a winning record! I know 8-7-1 counts technically but 9-7 just seems more official. We get the 2nd seed so we get to host Austin with a much better offense! Let’s get some revenge!
Gah lost by 3.
Sim 3959:
Holy hell it’s been almost 300 sims! That almost doubles the previous record for longest stretch without playoffs, and it took ages. FYI, I’ve officially graduated a month ago today so it's been quite a while since my last entry. We are 5 weeks into the S42 ISFL season and the Hahalua are once again one of the best teams in the conference, so their rebuild is going faster than this sim.
Anyways, 8-7-1 got us the 3 seed behind NOLA and AZ, so to the city of jazz we go!
Lost by 3. Please don’t be another 300 sims before the next playoff run. Please.
Sim 3991:
Thankfully we’re back in at 8-8 after another 32 sims and we get to head to Austin for game 1 in the divisional round!
31-13 blowout loss, so we move on likely to hit 4,000 sims before our next playoff chance.
Sim 4010:
Our first 4k playoff appearance is at 8-8 for the 3 seed behind NOLA and AZ! On the road we head once again to Louisiana looking for our first playoff victory since sim 3,633!
34-10 these losses just keep getting worse…
Sim 4103:
Another 93 sims later we’re back in at 8-8 behind Arizona and Austin. Nothing else to say, let’s just get to the first game yes?
Lost by 4 on a last-minute TD pass to Beeblebrox. Back on the ride we go.
Sim 4162:
Thankfully a much smaller gap this time between appearances, and under very similar circumstances. 8-8 behind Austin and Arizona although with a much better offense this time. First up, we head to Texas.
And this time we make the 4th quarter comeback relying on a 108-yard kick return TD by LMH! 35-31 is the score that sends us just a few states over to face off against Arizona!
Number one seed Yellowknife beats Sarasota to advance to the finals, and we play Arizona for the privilege! Let’s make our 3rd trip and end this project once and for all!
20-42 loss, though this was more exciting than quite a few of our last playoff trips.
Sim 4214:
We are very lucky here as 8-8 is enough to get us the 2 seed ahead of NOLA’s 7-8-1 record. AZ is still ahead of us of course but we get to host the Second Line here in Hawaii! 2 really bad teams fight for the right to almost give AZ the Ultimus spot. Let’s do this!
Yellowknife tops Sarasota and we head to the Outlaws home for the fight for the 3rd Ultimus appearance!
Well we held a 14-0 lead at the start but lost 24-42 all the same… Let’s a go right back to hell…
Sim 4273:
Another winning record playoff spot! 9-7 gets us that final spot behind Arizona and Austin so on the road we go looking for yet another playoff win.
27-40 loss, the defense is really killing us.
Sim 4277:
8-8 now gets us the 2nd seed so we get to host Austin! I like the amount of recent playoff runs we’ve had, and we only need one to hit! Let’s defeat Austin with our superior offense!
38-35 loss, and back around and around we go.
Sim 4311:
Wow! A 10-6 Hahalua team for only the 4th time in 4,311 sims! And it was enough for the 2 seed ahead of Austin who won their 8-8 tiebreaker over the Sabercats! Now we get to host another playoff game against the Sneks giving us a much-needed advantage in the divisional round!
And a 48-yard TD pass with 20 seconds to go makes it meaningless as we lose 35-28…
Sim 4365:
8-8 once again gets us the 3 seed but this time our opponent is not Austin, but is in fact New Orleans! We have the best offense in the league but the worst defense in the playoffs, so it’s a good thing people know offense wins championships right?
Right?
20-27 loss, so on we go…
Sim 4410:
7-9 is not only good enough to put us in the playoffs, but it is also good enough for the 2-seed, breaking a tie between us, NOLA, Austin, and San Jose! So we get to host NOLA in the first round at home, a huge break on a bad year.
And a BIG 29-15 win at home over the Second Line moves us on to a road visit against the far-superior Arizona Outlaws for a long-shot chance at a 3rd Ultimus appearance.
CTC tops Yellowknife 30-25 so that’s the first 1-seed who has punched their ticket to the championship, now let’s get another upset to keep it to only 1!
49-10 loss, oof.
We keep going!
Sim 4430:
A bit of an interesting one here, we went 7-9 to grab the 3-seed and the 2-seed belongs to Arizona so they’re gonna be our divisional round opponent while NOLA grabbed the 1-seed and the bye.
Our biggest hurdle is the one we get to face right away! Let’s take on AZ on the road and make this our final sim!
37-20 loss, so so much for that.
Here is the link with every single attempt documented if you're interested:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1...sp=sharing