Memento Mori Wrote:This is Bobby's third interview, the fourth part of a series in which an extremely British reporter interviews people associated with the DSFL/NSFL. You can read the intro piece that sets up the premise here. Bobby has previously interviewed Thomas Passmann of the Tijuana Luchadores and William Alexander of the Minnesota Grey Ducks. For graders: split the pay 50/50 between myself and @retrospace111. The main body is 1815 words.
Bobby had just finished watching the Week 4 coverage of the DSFL when he heard “God Save The Queen” begin to play. Bobby answered his phone, and Mr Chesterfield-Pemberton’s voice came through at a volume that threatened to burst his eardrums. “Bobby, old chap! I’ve some positively marvellous news!” the editor bellowed. “Our readership is loving your interviews. I’ve lined up another one for you. This one’s with a lad called Zamir Kehla. He’s got a reputation as a bit of a chatterbox so I hope you’re ready to do some typing!” Mr Chesterfield-Pemberton laughed to himself. Bobby didn’t. “Anyway, your flight leaves tomorrow morning. Giles has sent you all the details”
“Who?” Bobby asked. Giles must be new, he thought. Things had changed so much in the short time he’d been gone. Hopefully one of these new, young upstarts wouldn’t be gunning for his job. Mr Chesterfield-Pemberton sighed and hung up, apparently uninterested in explaining yet again that Giles was the butler.
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Bobby touched down in Portland the following afternoon, and was greeted with sights he’d never seen before. The city looked like something out of a documentary about the terrifying 1967 so-called “Summer of Love”. Everywhere he looked, he saw white people with braided hair who were probably high on drugs Bobby had never even heard of. The sight of them terrified his delicate British sensibilities. He didn’t know where to look, much less where to go. Thankfully, a man gently tapped him on the shoulder and said in a Texan accent, “Excuse me sir, are you Bobby Montgomery?”.
Bobby asked him where the best tea in Portland was served, and Zamir took him to a nearby café. Bobby ordered a cup of English Breakfast tea while Zamir ordered a quad long shot grande in a venti cup, double cupped with no sleeve, salted caramel mocha latte with 2 pumps of vanilla 2 pumps of white chocolate mocha and 2 pumps of hazelnut with almond milk, no whipped cream and extra foam. They truly were in Portland. After waiting several minutes for the barista to assemble Zamir’s drink, the two of them sat down.
“Thanks for agreeing to speak to me today, Zamir,” Bobby began. He sipped his tea. Barely adequate. This surely couldn’t be the best tea in Portland.
Bobby’s interview research had led him to the cornerback’s Twitter account, where he’d read a number of exchanges between Zamir Kehla and his apparent rivals. “You always seem to be the centre of attention, whether that’s for positive or negative reasons. Why do you think that is?”
The way Kehla laboured his speech and enunciated his words made it clear that he loved the sound of his own voice. “It’s probably because of my big personality. I tend to always say something here and there to get people riled up or stir some emotions. I’m not a quiet guy and whenever there’s something I feel the need to speak about, you better expect I will. I can’t help myself.”
“In weeks 3 and 4 you made your first big plays for the Pythons, securing interceptions in the wins against Kansas City and Tijuana. Tell me about these moments. How did it feel?”
Zamir jumped at the chance to talk about his recent accomplishments. “Well, throughout the preseason I was playing as a free safety instead of cornerback. I did not want to play this position. I felt like my talents were being underused. I didn’t get much production at all either in the preseason, only gathering a few tackles. In the first 2 weeks, we played on the road, lost both of them, and our hyped up defense let up so many big plays. I knew that we needed to make changes quickly if we wanted to stay competitive. Many people were already writing us off, and we quickly fell to the bottom of everyone’s power rankings. I saw an article that projected our season total wins at 1.9. Bah.
It felt so good to prove everyone wrong. I know I got a lot of backlash on twitter from people because my stats didn’t live up to what I had promised. It was because I was playing at free safety, but people said that was just an excuse. Well, I sure proved them wrong. I convinced my GMs to put me back in cornerback, and it paid off big. We won our next two games, thanks to our defense. We held the KCC offense to 6 points. The interception I had was almost returned for a touchdown, I got it 60 yards and then ran out of steam at that point. I’ve gotta work on my endurace. We scored our lone touchdown off of that great field position I gave them. I feel extremely proud because that interception was the turning point in the game. Our defense held off the coyotes from scoring much and we came away with the W.
People were impressed and I was getting congratulated already, but the party didn’t stop there. Next game featured some more offense and again I made a clutch play getting an interception. Not much of a return there, but we needed all the stops we could get. Tijuana rallied late and made it a close game but our defense held on and finished the job. I’m extremely proud of how this team responded to the adversity early on and held on when we blew a 2 score lead against Tijuana. Those interceptions felt amazing and I was finally able to back up all my talking. Now I’m tied with 3 other people for the league lead in interceptions. But it doesn’t stop here. Expect me to show up in Minnesota next week with an attitude. We went from the runts of the league to the 1st seed in our conference in a matter of weeks.”
Bobby wondered if the interview would be too long to fit in his column in The Daily Scone if Zamir continued to give answers as long and detailed as that. “So would you say that playing you at free safety was a mistake? Was someone else’s position changed so that you could move back to cornerback?”
“Playing me at free safety was a huge mistake. I understand their thought process, they draft 3 good CBs, one good safety, they then need someone to fill that role of free safety. I’m just not that guy, I’m not built for that, I’m a strictly man to man, lockdown corner. I assume they put one of the backup safeties in at free safety and then they moved Alexander Hamilton to nickelback. I wouldn’t know, I never asked my GM.”
Bobby raised one eyebrow. The idea that the Portland Pythons or Alexander Hamilton were affiliated with a Canadian rock band seemed odd to him, but it was far from the strangest thing he’d encountered during his stay this side of the Atlantic. “I notice that prior to the draft you ranked the DSFL in order of teams you’d most like to play for. You put Portland 6th of 8. Why was that, and have your feelings changed now?”
“Well, Portland never really reached out to me, I didn’t even know their GMs, I hadn’t had much exposure to them at all. I know they had some rocky times in the past couple seasons, and I was hoping that wouldn’t continue when I got there. I do like the locker room, it’s somewhat active, not as active as the Buccaneer’s locker room, but still active. The GMs are experienced and active, they put in the time testing and they listened to me, so I can appreciate that. Everyone is really friendly and I love the team itself. The color scheme and logo are pretty intimidating if you ask me. I really like my teammates and I couldn’t have asked for a better landing spot.”
“At 2-2, the Pythons have already matched their win total from Season 20, when they went 2-12. How do you see your team performing during the rest of the season? What are your aims?”
“We have the worst offense in the league right now, so unless we can get something going on the offensive side of the ball, I see us falling between 6-8 wins. Our defense is going to be a top tier defense with the adjustments we’ve made, so as long as our offense produces enough, we should make the playoffs. I am aiming to win the Ultimini, but if that doesn’t happen, I am hoping to snag an award at the end of the season. Defensive back of the year would be nice, and that’s the award I’m aiming for. I know I can get it, but what I really want is that coveted defensive player of the year award. That would be very nice indeed. I think if I play like I did these past 2 weeks, I’m a shoe in for both those awards.”
Zamir Kehla certainly didn’t lack confidence. “It’s surprising to hear a player call his teammates the worst offense in the league. Do you think your offense lacks the necessary talent, or do you think they’re just not working hard enough?”
“I don’t know what’s going on, I just think our passing offense is lackluster. Our new rookie running back, Tatsu, is a beast. He’s an awesome presence in the locker room and a shifty back on the field. Listen, I’m not one to sugarcoat the situation or give praise where it’s not deserved. If things aren’t going the way they are supposed to, I’m going to call people out and acknowledge their mistake. I’m not going to be the nice guy and comfort our team and say “Oh, I’m sure you guys will bounce back, it was just a bad day for you guys”. Same thing for me. I hold my teammates and I to a certain standard that I think needs to be upheld.”
“Is there anything you want to say to your doubters?”
“Just keep watching me. I’m going to do big things in this league and the NSFL. Keep your eyes on me and just watch. You can’t judge me off of how I played out of position in the first two weeks. But you better judge me on how I play as a cornerback. And don’t come back at me with half assed insults on twitter. It’s embarrassing for you once I immediately get a pick the day after you ran your mouth about my lack of skill. Just keep your eyes on me.”
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Against all odds, Bobby successfully navigated his way back through the vegans and hippies without signing any petitions or taking part in any anti-government demonstrations. He found his way back to the airport, where his next flight would take him to another city for another interview. More polite adventures are to come.
[OPTION]S24 (PHI): 16 GP, 73 tackles, 1 TFL, 2 FF, 3 sacks, 5 INTs, 10 PDs, 2 TDs
[OPTION]S25 (PHI): 16 GP, 67 tackles, 4 INTs, 13 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S26 (OCO): 16 GP, 68 tackles, 1 TFL, 1 sack, 2 INTs, 10 PDs
[OPTION]S27 (OCO): 16 GP, 116 tackles, 4 INTs, 23 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S28 (OCO): 16 GP, 84 tackles, 1 FF, 1 FR, 3 INTs, 20 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S29 (OCO): 16 GP, 99 tackles, 3 FF, 1 FR, 5 INTs, 23 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]=============================================================
[OPTION]ISFL Playoff Stats:
[OPTION]S23 (PHI): 1 GP, 2 tackles
[OPTION]S26 (OCO): 1 GP, 5 tackles, 2 PDs
[OPTION]=============================================================
[OPTION]Trophies and Achievements:
[OPTION]Drafted 35th Overall by Myrtle Beach in the S21 DSFL Draft
[OPTION]S21 Ultimini Champion
[OPTION]S21 DSFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S21 DSFL Defensive Back of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]Drafted 4th Overall by Philadelphia in the S22 ISFL Draft
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Defensive Performance of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S24 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S24 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S25 (PHI): 16 GP, 67 tackles, 4 INTs, 13 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S26 (OCO): 16 GP, 68 tackles, 1 TFL, 1 sack, 2 INTs, 10 PDs
[OPTION]S27 (OCO): 16 GP, 116 tackles, 4 INTs, 23 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S28 (OCO): 16 GP, 84 tackles, 1 FF, 1 FR, 3 INTs, 20 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]S29 (OCO): 16 GP, 99 tackles, 3 FF, 1 FR, 5 INTs, 23 PDs, 1 TD
[OPTION]=============================================================
[OPTION]ISFL Playoff Stats:
[OPTION]S23 (PHI): 1 GP, 2 tackles
[OPTION]S26 (OCO): 1 GP, 5 tackles, 2 PDs
[OPTION]=============================================================
[OPTION]Trophies and Achievements:
[OPTION]Drafted 35th Overall by Myrtle Beach in the S21 DSFL Draft
[OPTION]S21 Ultimini Champion
[OPTION]S21 DSFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S21 DSFL Defensive Back of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]Drafted 4th Overall by Philadelphia in the S22 ISFL Draft
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S23 ISFL Defensive Performance of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S24 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S24 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S26 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S26 ISFL Returner of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S29 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S29 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]=============================================================
Player | Update | Wiki | Twitter
[OPTION]S26 ISFL Returner of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]S29 ISFL Pro Bowl Selection
[OPTION]S29 ISFL Cornerback of the Year Nominee
[OPTION]=============================================================
Player | Update | Wiki | Twitter