01-17-2024, 12:12 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-21-2024, 11:36 AM by xenosthelegend. Edited 1 time in total.)
There has been an alarming movement popping up over the last several seasons within the league. The Ban Kickers movement. People accusing kickers of being bad, ruining games, and generally making the league a worse place. But you know what I think is the actual heart of the problem here?
They're jealous.
That's right, at its core, the Ban Kickers movement is all about jealousy. And what's not to be jealous about? Here you have a bunch of people getting paid just as much as everyone else to only have to do their job a few times a game, and with a much bigger individual impact than almost any other position when they do so. And these kickers aren't just lounging around on the sidelines in between their impact plays. No, they're stirring up So. Much. Drama. Seriously, have you read these rants? You should. This is the stuff of legends. This is the personality that makes the league watchable. That gives the league life. I mean, which sounds more interesting to you; yet another mock draft or power ranking article, or an absolutely unhinged deep dive into the history of one of the league's most recognized users? I know which one I'm kicking back with some popcorn to read in my free time.
And that's just their off the field antics. Kickers are absolutely critical to the goals of the team on the field as well. Take the last two seasons in Yellowknife, for instance. In S44, the Wraiths were still trying to cling to the absolute last vestiges of a playoff window despite having a bottom four roster in the league. Against all odds, they were still in it going into week 16. Now it's true that, ultimately, the Wraiths did just miss out on the playoffs, but they're never even in that position to be competing if not for the efforts of Zenzeroni Xystarch II, who achieved a unanimous All Pro 1st team award as a rookie. After the season, Yellowknife decided it was time to reset, moving on from their established veteran QB to bring in a rookie a year earlier than expected. With a raw rookie at the helm whose top target was his tight end, the Wraiths knew that a dark horse Ultimus run was simply a pipe dream. So what did Xystarch do? He put aside his chances for personal accolades and records to help the team tank. That's right, the kicker who was a 1st team All Pro as a rookie finished S45 with the second worst FG% in the league. You think that was an accident? That he somehow developed the yips? Nonsense! Xystarch donned his tank commander helmet and made sure the Wraiths secured the #1 overall pick of the S46 draft.
Do you see anyone else giving their team that kind of dedication? I didn't think so.
Now excuse me. I have some delicious pizza to eat from the world famous Zen Za's Italian Pizzaria, official pizza sponsor of the ISFL's Yellowknife Wraiths.
They're jealous.
That's right, at its core, the Ban Kickers movement is all about jealousy. And what's not to be jealous about? Here you have a bunch of people getting paid just as much as everyone else to only have to do their job a few times a game, and with a much bigger individual impact than almost any other position when they do so. And these kickers aren't just lounging around on the sidelines in between their impact plays. No, they're stirring up So. Much. Drama. Seriously, have you read these rants? You should. This is the stuff of legends. This is the personality that makes the league watchable. That gives the league life. I mean, which sounds more interesting to you; yet another mock draft or power ranking article, or an absolutely unhinged deep dive into the history of one of the league's most recognized users? I know which one I'm kicking back with some popcorn to read in my free time.
And that's just their off the field antics. Kickers are absolutely critical to the goals of the team on the field as well. Take the last two seasons in Yellowknife, for instance. In S44, the Wraiths were still trying to cling to the absolute last vestiges of a playoff window despite having a bottom four roster in the league. Against all odds, they were still in it going into week 16. Now it's true that, ultimately, the Wraiths did just miss out on the playoffs, but they're never even in that position to be competing if not for the efforts of Zenzeroni Xystarch II, who achieved a unanimous All Pro 1st team award as a rookie. After the season, Yellowknife decided it was time to reset, moving on from their established veteran QB to bring in a rookie a year earlier than expected. With a raw rookie at the helm whose top target was his tight end, the Wraiths knew that a dark horse Ultimus run was simply a pipe dream. So what did Xystarch do? He put aside his chances for personal accolades and records to help the team tank. That's right, the kicker who was a 1st team All Pro as a rookie finished S45 with the second worst FG% in the league. You think that was an accident? That he somehow developed the yips? Nonsense! Xystarch donned his tank commander helmet and made sure the Wraiths secured the #1 overall pick of the S46 draft.
Do you see anyone else giving their team that kind of dedication? I didn't think so.
Now excuse me. I have some delicious pizza to eat from the world famous Zen Za's Italian Pizzaria, official pizza sponsor of the ISFL's Yellowknife Wraiths.