01-01-2024, 05:10 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2024, 05:35 PM by lemonoppy. Edited 1 time in total.)
We have talked about Venus Power's power relentlessly in the last article and as I solemnly type these words that I’m about to say, I can’t help but to cry. What started as an attempt to take down the media empress, the media Queen, Baron1898 has transformed and consumed my life for the past two weeks+. But here I still sit writing the 3rd article on the matter with still more than 50 pages of history to get through on the ISFL website archives. But I don’t cry for that, I cry for another reason. Power. The last article revolved around the idea that Venus Powers and Baron wanted all the power to herself. And when she didn’t get her way, she’d go into action and make sure that she was in power. So, as I write this article her power has reached me. I know. It’s a sad day indeed. As I sit and write this article my Yellowknife Wraiths are 1-6 and I, Zenzeroni Xystarch the Second, am barely kicking over 50% field goal percentage. This I fear, is the curse of Venus Powers forever seeking power over those before her and after her. So when I wrote that article making damning evidence proving why she should never have been in the hall of fame, she put a plan in motion. There was no way she was going to let me or my team glimpse even a slight chance of playing well. But I have no choice but to continue. Who knows what consequences stand before me but I must, honest as I am, complete the story of Venus Powers.
So where did we leave off? *Checks notes* how did we only get through 2 ISFL seasons in almost 9000 words in the last article? Surely I am more concise than that and don’t go on random tangents about how I’m wasting time and filling space! I get to the point of what the people want to know! After all, if Baron1898 calls herself the Queen of media should I not be the King of media? Start calling me King Lock or something? No, that would be silly. Unlike Baron1898 I’m not Vladamir Putin hosting totally legitimate elections then calling myself the President. I’m not Baron1898 not even hosting elections then calling herself the Queen. My ego isn’t THAT big…..
Anyway we actually left off on a positive note with Venus Powers! Big surprise I know! But don’t you worry because that will end riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight about………………………….now. You see, Venus Powers for the first time possibly ever, was happy with her current situation. She had just won the punter of the year along with a pro bowl nod and was getting all the reps in the world. Sure her team sucked but did she care? Absolutely not! She even expressed OPTIMISM in an end of season PT Task. I know! I can’t believe it either! She said this about the future of Phili…..
My copy and paste is not working and it’s preventing my from doing my job. Sorry folks I’m sure you would love to hear what Venus Powers said about her team but you are going to have to wait just a little bit longer. Okay so I figured out how to paste but vvvvvv no my v button does work so that isn’t it…..looks like I got to do the ol’ clicky copy clicky pasty thing a ma jig. So let me set the scene again; Venus Powers has finally reached her full potential gaining complete control of a terrible terrible team but she is happy because it allows her all the glory. At the end of the season she would say this regarding Phili’s future, “Philadelphia’s lack of contention now is only prologue for the team’s incoming rise. Thanks to our wonderful GMs swindling the dwindling Chicago Butchers, we have a treasure trove of early round picks in the largest and deepest draft of NSFL history….young players on the team, including the rightful Punter of the Year Venus Powers…., will take even more steps and training to become league superstars, and Venus will become the league’s highest TPE kicker as of this offseason. Team morale and locker room culture has never been better, and within a season or two the Liberty should be in the prime position to take aim for the stars and bring home a second trophy to Philadelphia”. Look at that optimism! This is I think genuinely the first time I have seen any of Baron’s players expressing excitement for the future. But don’t look now because directly in front of us is the…
EXPANSION DRAFT
With an influx of players entering the league, the ISFL has expanded with two new teams heading into season 22. We have the Sarasota Sailfish and Honolulu Hahalua (isn’t that a mouthful). With expansion there are some rules that come into play the biggest being current teams are only allowed to protect 7 players from being drafted by the expansion teams with an additional option of protection as the draft went on. It would seem that Phili did not see eye to eye or Venus Powers vision of the future as they did not protect her with one of their 7 possible options. Frustrated but not to the point of anger she was promised to be protected as soon as possible once the draft began but these promises were not kept as Venus Powers was selected by the Honolulu Hahalua (I’m going to have to try and spell this the rest of the article huh?) with the 14th overall pick.
Okay hold up we need to rewind just a bit to just one day before the expansion draft because I have realized things are not what they may have first appeared to be. I have taken a break from Venus Powers and have forgotten all about her smoke and mirrors. She proclaimed in a PT task that she was excited for the potential of the Liberty but the truth may not line up with this. On April 12th 2020 Baron released an article labeled “Critically Examining Punter of the Year” so to place this in our timeline this was one day before the expansion draft that would take place on the 13th, and 3 days before the awards show on the 15th. I put this timeline in place because it shows that Venus didn’t want to be in Phili after all. She strategically posted a punter of the year article which, surprise surprise, came to the conclusion that she had been the best punter, one day before the expansion. The ONLY reason for her to do this on the 12th instead of the 14th would be to get the attention of the two new expansion teams so that they would select her. And it allllllllllllllllll makes sense in the grand scheme of things because of the themes we have mentioned before, she wants power, she wants control, and she will do everything she can to get that. Sure she may have liked Phili but they had a bit of a history and she was in the middle of it with no way to really step out into the spotlight. But if she were to be selected by a brand new team and become their FIRST ever kicker? Now that is the attention she so badly craved. She had just killed two birds with one stone, highlighting how good she is so that she could get the award for punter of the year which, by the way, I’m not so sure she deserved. She spent a lot of the article making up fake stats and ratios that made her seem better than the other potential winner of punter of the year. So I wouldn’t be surprised if her ability to alter the true punter picture by posting this article with stats that made HER look good ended up being the decision maker for the committee because as she mentions in the article, the committee barely looks at special teams to begin with so by her posting this saying she is the best they are going to assume she is without diving deeper. The second bird she struck down with the stone was of course being drafted to a completely new team where she would have ALL the records to herself with no one standing in her way. So now that we have cleared that up and realized she didn’t care as much about Phili as we thought, we can happily move on.
Kicker Betrayal
Kicking is a lonely part of the game. We touched on that in our last article. And that is why I think it is important for other kickers to stand by each other. We do this in a variety of ways. Our dedicated chat in the ISFL server is FILLED with LOTS of messages back and forth about how great we are. I think we have a sort of “kicker code” so to speak. An understanding amongst each other that we must stand by each other as the rest of the league criticizes us. I mention that because Venus Powers does NOT belong in this discussion nor follows the “kicker code”. She exemplifies everything kickers strive NOT to be. As a, what I would loosely call “veteran” of the league entering her third season of the ISFL she decided to ask some questions to an aspiring young rookie kicker during his presser one of those questions was “Why is McDairmid a worse punter than Venus Powers”? Look at this from the big picture. She doesn’t try hyping the young man up, she doesn’t give him advice, she immediately talks about herself and why she is the best with no regard for his thoughts or feelings. But he doesn’t take the bait because he knows the kicker code. He knows he is supposed to stand by his fellow kickers so he responds ever so elegantly “I have a lot of respect for Venus as a kicker - she has shown the NSFL what it means to be a top level Kicker/Punter in all facets of the game, especially punting. It will be fun to continue watching her performances as I make my way into the NSFL. Now, in my current level of play, it wouldn't be fair to compare myself to a top-calibre player like that of Powers. I'm just a promising rookie, she is one of the top players in the entire league at the position. In a few years, if I manage to get into the same conversation as players like Venus and Alex D, then I will be truly proud of what I have been able to accomplish; because they are fantastic examples of what it takes to be a great K/P in this league”. I mean hang that in the Louvre. He could have said he was flat out better than her, or that he would be in the future but he didn’t do either. He said he would be PROUD to be in the same conversation as Venus and she had the audacity to flat out disrespect him by bullying him into saying he wasn’t as good as her.
One thing of note before we continue Venus also put in her 3 year contract which signed with Honolulu an NTC to Chicago (unsurprising) and a mutual option in all 3 years as well. This mutual option was more like a player option as I’m sure she could have forced their hand at any point if she was unsatisfied with her standing on the team. Spoiler alert: She would remain with Honolulu for the rest of her days but I thought it was worth noting because it once again demonstrates the power she feels the need to hold over any team that she is on.
Season 22
Okay, ENOUGH let’s actually talk about a full season It’s not like I’m already at 2000 damn words. Expansion teams are notoriously bad. I think the only decent expansion team I can think of off the top of my head is the Vegas Knights. So it will come to no one’s surprise that Honolulu was last in their division with a 4-9 record which is somehow an improvement over Venus’ last season. But this was not an improvement for Venus’ stats. Being on one of the leagues worst teams had it’s upsides for a kicker. Being on a bad offense you know you are going to punt a lot but you expect to get into field goal range at least a decent amount of times. But with a comically bad offense Venus kicked only 16 field goals NONE of them being from over 50 yards. She also only kicked 19 extra points. This meant she was way out of contention for any sort of kicking awards so she was forced once more to rely on the lesser of the two awards, the punter of the year award. But she took no grace in winning this award which she should have been thankful for even receiving ANYTHING at all instead she used it as a time to insult a respected punter in his own right who was nominated to the hall of fame but was not inducted, that being Alfredo Crisco. As she states in her wiki “Even before the season Powers was now widely seen as the best punter in the league, battling only the aging corpse of Crisco”. The aging corpse of Crisco? That is a rude thing to say about the most dominate punter in the league until you came along. If anything he was aging like fine wine but Venus cares not for her fellow kickers and punters that much is already known.
I’ve said before that I rarely mention Baron’s PT Tasks mostly because they have to do with either Disney or some mambo jumbo that doesn’t relate to this particular storyline. However this PT Task is extremely relevant to the storyline as we paint the character of Baron1898. So the PT Task is as follows; “Boom or Bust: make your case for the worst draft pick of all time”. Baron goes on to mention some random draft pick that I honestly don’t give a hoot about. What she also does is VERY briefly mention who I would consider the biggest draft bust of all time and if you read parts 1 and 2 you may be inclined to agree with me. That’s right despite it being her own player where she KNOWS she let her team down, she barely mentions Morgan Marshall who is OBVIOUSLY the biggest bust of all time. Marshall was active, highest TPE, all the stats you could possibly ask for but QUIT because Baron couldn’t handle competition. Baron may have only briefly mentioned Marshall as the biggest bust but she knows he is THE bust.
The next PT Task is also relevant to the storyline as it causes Baron to reflect on the playoffs “On a personal level, the playoffs have always gone one of two ways for me: missing the shindig entirely, or showing up as home favorites and losing the first game. This year it’ll be the former. Since the Honolulu Hahalua were slotted into the absolute bloodbath of a division that is the ASFC, and since our entire defense is composed of old ass men, Venus Powers will be spending her third NSFL off-season the same way as the first two, eating trashy food at home”. I think it is funny reading this for one of two reasons. First off I think Baron may have something against old people because this is the second time she is insulting veterans of the league in the last few paragraphs. This also demonstrates how much of a team player and how unwilling she is to hold herself accountable for things she may have something to do with. The second point I was going to make is how funny it is that she left the Wraiths because of lack of overall success only for them to thrive in her absence and are now 1 season away from winning an ultimus that could have been Baron’s for the taking but she was too caught up in PERSONAL success which has ultimately led to lack of overall success. The truth is the problem is Baron not the team. She has dragged her team through the mud so that she could have all the kicking stats in the world but at the cost of any kind of team success. And that will only continue for seasons to come.
Next up we have Ultimus week where you can write about all sorts of things and I bet you can guess what Baron decided to write about! That’s right! Herself! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I poke fun at this but it is a well thought out piece about overall happiness in the league and how her perspective has changed DESPITE not having as much success as she may have thought she would. There are plenty of holes to poke in her story but I would be beating a dead dog at this point. Is that the saying? I don’t think that’s the saying but I’m not looking it up because you get the point.
Season 23
The salt continues to flow through Baron as we go through season 23 (the year the Wraiths win the Ultimus mind you). Baron discusses what expansion team she would add to the league in the latest PT task and she decides San Antonio is a good option. Earth to Venus. Hehehe that’s kind of a funny line. THEY TRIED THAT ALREADY. IT DIDNT WORK. THEY MOVED. GET OVER IT. THEY AINT COMING BACK. YOU ARE LIVING IN THE PAST. TIME TO FOCUS ON MAYBE I DONT KNOW….WINNING?! Cause your team is on their way to second to last in the conference and you missing the playoffs YET AGAIN.
I know none of you are surprised at this point but Venus and Honolulu failed to make the playoffs yet again. They ended the season with a 7-9 record which some would say is respectable (I am not one of those people) and were 5th in their conference. So just to put that in perspective Venus has been in the ISFL for 4 seasons at this point and has yet to even sniff the playoffs. And since ditching the anchor that was Venus Powers, the Philidalphia Liberty have made the playoffs in back to back years. Coincidence? Highly unlikely. Failure follows every where Venus goes and While she had received the punter of year award in back to back seasons she would not be so lucky this time around as she would lose the three-peat by a single vote. If she may have been just a little bit nicer to the award committee she may have received that extra vote but with her checkered past with them there was no chance they were going to allow her to get it again and I can’t blame them. No sooner as I finish this last sentence then I see that Venus has posted a comment on the awards because of COURSE she has saying how terrible it is that Crisco (nominated to the hall of fame remember that) was even on the ballot in the first place and was OBVIOUSLY stealing votes from her. Get over it Venus. Maybe don’t burn so many bridges next time. But Honolulu was oblivious to the anchor they had aboard their boat and were blinded by the shiny awards and stats Venus has accumulated in her two seasons with the team. And for that reason they gave her a 36 MILLION DOLLAR 9 SEASON EXTENSION with a no trade clause to cap it all off. This is what power looks like folks. Venus had a stranglehold on the organization and they had to do her bidding whether they wanted to or not. They would continue to fail again and again and again all because Venus wanted all the power to herself, all the money to herself, all the decisions to herself leaving no room for debate, no room for discussion, just pure power that she could wield however she wanted now that they were stuck with her for the rest of her career.
Season 24
Venus/Baron is so funny, I will give her that. Going into season 24 Honolulu was once more projected to be a bottom of the barrel team but after 5 weeks of action they had a 3-2 record which somehow gave them a tie for first place in their conference. Venus used this as an opportunity to gloat about how no one expected them to be good only for them to magically be the best in the league saying “Maybe they aren’t as trash as projected”. What she fails to realize in stroking her and her teams own ego is that 3-2 is NOT a good record. Sure you are above 500 but that isn’t saying much and it is way too early in the season to predict the final outcome. But maybe I’m just being pessimistic about this whole thing. After all, I do have a vendetta against Venus Powers so let me restrain my pessimism until we see how the whole season shakes up…..
![[Image: image.png?ex=65a5acda&is=659337da&hm=15a...326044c4a&]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/942508405543805041/1191503228160970852/image.png?ex=65a5acda&is=659337da&hm=15a85fa6c35b78c5a96170409565413d5e433120d29d2c3b9d908f0326044c4a&)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHA. Oh Venus Powers. If only you had a little more awareness. Think of the bigger picture instead of making a hot take a third of the way through the season and only being 1 game above 500. But that isn’t the Venus nor the Baron way. Fittingly second to last in the conference and once again missing the playoffs Venus can enjoy the playoffs from the comfort of her own home like she has the previous 4 seasons earlier. This is all fine and dandy but Honolulu wasn’t a complete disaster. Sitting at 8-7 going into the final week all they needed was a win against the last place Austin Copperheads but they played from behind all game and there is a crucial reason for this. This would be the first season Venus would make an impact as a kicker. In fact, she wouldn’t miss a single extra point or field goal which I have to applaud as that is extremely difficult to do but it highlights a bigger concern with this season 24 team and Venus saw this as a prime opportunity to use her power to her advantage. She knew that since she had been perfect all season they would put her out there in just about any situation and in the end that would end up costing them the game. With 6:12 left in the game it was 13-23 and Honolulu was faced with a 4th and 1 from the Ausin 9. Instead of attempting to get 1 measly yard on the doorstep of the endzone they elected to go for a field goal allowing Venus all the glory but still forcing them to need a full other touchdown with limited time remaining. This would seal their fate as they would lose this game 16-23 and miss the playoffs. Venus had stolen an almost assured touchdown to get credit for another field goal for herself. This is just another example of Venus putting her own accolades above the teams as instead of reaching the playoffs she is able to pick up her own medal (a deserved near unanimous kicker of the year award) and get ALL the glory to herself completely forgetting her entire team that was trying so desperately to win. I talk so highly of Venus only for her to make me rethink giving her this one compliment. A little behind the scenes for you but I write my overall season summaries before reading Baron’s posts on the forums. This means a lot of what I say is conjecture until I go back through the files to see if what I have said is right or wrong. But after complimenting and giving props to a near unanimous season Venus slams the door in my face. Venus is DISGUSTED with not being unanimously given the award saying “Powers should’ve been even more unanimous than she already was”. Who even says that? Most people would be happy with just receiving an award and that seemed to be the case all throughout the first few seasons with Venus wanting so desperately just to win an award. But now that she received it she treats it like a piece of metal she needs to get rid of not seeing it as good enough since she wasn’t unanimously voted in. Truly an egotistical take from the power hungry Venus Powers that wants all the control and power in the league for herself.
So with 5 ISFL seasons in the books where do we stand with Venus Powers? Well, She has established herself as a formidable punter receiving two punter of the year awards, most recently had a PERFECT kicking season (something I give her great respect for), and is the face of her new team. But at what cost? Not just no playoff wins but no playoff appearances, has an ego that could inflate a balloon the size of Earth, and has a controlling presence that would strike fear in any opponent and teammate and likely constantly costs her teams wins because of her own ignorance. Looking ahead we have 6 seasons to go and plenty of more fun content to talk about so let’s move forward.
INTERMISSION
JUST KIDDING! It’s time for a short intermission. I am currently feverishly typing part 3 to this Baron series due to x3 MEDIA. I was going to take a nice winter break kick up my legs near the fire and drink some hot cocoa but there isn’t ANY DAMN SNOW ON THE GROUND AND NOW I HAVE TO RUSH THROUGH THIS ARTICLE. But don’t think, just because I am rushing this, that I won’t be hard on Baron because I’m pumped up and ready to go after watching that ending to the Cowboys Lions game because what the fuck was that? Anywho let’s move on to our next section as we have another expansion in the wings followed by season 25 and Venus’ first playoff appearance?!
It’s expansion time with TWO more teams entering the mix and once again Venus is not protected by Honolulu with one of their 6 protected picks. In everything I have read from Baron she says she doesn’t care and isn’t surprised and blahblahblahblah. We’ve learned enough about Venus to know this isn’t true. She has been constantly talking about wanting to get all the franchise records for Honolulu and since she is the first kicker for a new expansion team she has seen this as a perfect opportunity. Going to a new expansion team would cause her to be forgotten as she has just barely gained a foothold in Honolulu. Luckily for her kickers are worthless and despite her most recent impressive season these two new expansion teams smartly avoided drafting her in the expansion draft and was thus protected by Honolulu after the first round (I can only assume reluctantly). So going into season 25 Honolulu’s youth was maturing into a more formidable foe. Well, maybe not as formidable as one may think as they once again finished 8-8 but this time they were able to make the playoffs.
WE INTERRUPT THIS ARTICLE WITH A SPECIAL WEATHER REPORT. Not but an hour later from mentioning how there is no snow on the ground it starts snowing! The ISFL gods have truly blessed me on this day and showed to me that they are in my favor and not the evil Baron Queen’s favor. This brings me great joy and I look forward to ROASTING the Baron as we continue to talk about season 25.
Season 25
Making the playoffs is an accomplishment. That is something I will not deny. What I will deny is that the Hahalua were a good football team and DESERVED to be there. Middle of the pack in just about every statistical category the Hahalua were not a special team by any means. And while they did rattle off a couple big wins most notably a 34-17 victory at the evenual 13-3 Colorado Yeti they also had some terrible losses headlined by a 30-17 beatdown from the 4-12 expansion team New York Silverbacks. But this is bound to happen to any team even the great ones fail sometimes. So while they ended the season with a brutal 40-13 loss to the Outlaws there was still optimism in the team that they could make a playoff run. In their way stood the ASFC conference leading Orange County Otters. The Otters boasted an 11-5 record with one of the best air raid offenses in the league. However despite this impressive record there was still skepticism about how good they really were. Their defense was one of the worst defenses in the league and the Hahalua had split the series with the Otters in the regular season first losing 38-28 before narrowly beating them 23-20 thanks to a clutch field goal with a minute 30 remaining from Venus Powers. So while this wasn’t necessarily a toss up, there was still hope amongst the Hahalua fans that they could beat the Otters. Those hopes were quickly dashed as the Otters would go up 24-0 early in the third. At that point everyone knew what the end result would be so Venus kicked two garbage time field goals just to pad her stats and give herself the glory of having the first points made by a Hahalua player in the playoffs and called it a day. I wouldn’t be surprised if Venus had skipped all the way home happy to be the only Hahalua player to score on the day. With that being said, Venus did have another remarkable season kicking an insane 49 extra points not missing a single one. Then only missing 1 of her 36 field goal attempts on her way to her second consecutive kicker of the year award. These field goal stats come with a huge asterisks for one big reason. The entire 17 game season that Venus participated in, she didn’t attempt a SINGLE field goal from over 50 yards. In fact, her longest field goal was only from 46. So what I think happened, on the heels of a perfect kicking season, Venus looked to repeat and in doing so, asked her coaches to give her the easiest field goals possible. And if necessary, she’d rather punt the ball, then kick a long field goal.
Hall of Fame? A Comparison
It’s that time again folks. I didn’t think it would come up so early but here we are pretty much halfway through the career of Venus Powers and she has brought up…..the Hall of Fame. She isn’t talking about herself which is a surprise but she is making sure to bring down her fellow kickmate and despised rival Alfredo Crisco. Crisco had retired in the season 25 offseason and there had been discussion of whether he should be in the Hall of Fame. Powers is adamant in saying no but her reasons are unknowingly flawed. As we know, Venus will make the Hall of Fame once her career is over but based on her logic in this post she made, she should not have made the Hall of Fame either. For purposes of comparison what I am about to show is their rankings at the time of the end of their career
Alfredo Crisco
137 games played
325 extra points made (7th all-time)
335 extra points attempted (8th all-time)
97.0% career accuracy (9th all-time)
233 field goals made (5th all-time)
254 field goals attempted (5th all-time)
91.7% career accuracy (12th all-time)
65 yard field goal (ISFL record)
827 punts (4th all-time)
38,887 punting yards (4th all-time)
47.0 average punt (8th all-time)
119 inside the 20 (7th all-time)
78 yard punt (4th all-time)
S20 Kicker of the Year
S20 Punter of the Year
2x Pro Bowl Kicker
2x Pro Bowl Punter
Venus Powers
ISFL Record - Most Consecutive Games w/o a Missed Kick (29)
ISFL Record - Most Consecutive Kicks w/o a Miss (133)
ISFL 4th all-time FGM (294)
ISFL 4th all-time FGA (323)
ISFL 9th all-time FG% (91.0%)
ISFL 9th all-time most XPM (371)
ISFL 10th all-time most XPA (377)
ISFL 8th all-time punts (838)
ISFL 9th all-time YDS (39356)
ISFL 8th all-time punts inside 20 (159)
ISFL 6th all-time points (1253)
2x Kicker of the Year
2x Punter of the Year
4x Pro Bowl Punter
4x Pro Bowl Kicker
This is a lot of mumbo jumbo so let me simplify it for all you pea sized brains out there. Her argument hinges on two things, awards and volume. I crunched the numbers on the overall placement listed for both of these statlines which I believe is fair because it is the statlines that Venus mentions in the post arguing against Crisco and her own accomplishment stats which she lists on her wiki. Taking these accolades into account Crisco’s average ranking was 6.17 at the time of his retirement. MEANWHILE Venus’ average ranking was 6.27 at the time of her retirement. So if she is saying that Crisco should not be in the Hall of Fame with those numbers, then neither should she. But this brings us to the next topic of discussion which is awards. She is very adamant records and awards are key to getting into the Hall of Fame referencing Kulture Vulture who had 6 KOTY awards and 3 POTY awards. This may be a valid point as Crisco does only have one a piece. Until you realize that future hall of famer, Venus Powers, only has one more award in both those categories. We haven’t talked about it yet but after season 25 she wouldn’t get a taste of a single other award in her five more seasons of playing. So all this to say: Venus Powers is one big hypocrite.
Season 26
As alluded to in my previous paragraph Venus’ best years are now behind her. That isn’t to say that she is going to fall off a cliff and perform terribly from now on but it is to show that she will start to show signs of weakness in the coming seasons. Season 26 really put the HAHA in Hahalua (been waiting a while to try and fit that one in there). And before I go further I want to just throw this gem of a line in there as Venus talks about what season 26 may bring “I’d be shocked if the Hahalua don’t make the playoffs next year. The team’s window is just now opening”. The teams window is just now opening and it appears the whole team fell through it Venus. While Venus won’t fall off a cliff her team apparently did and I guess Venus was somehow the only survivor because the Honolulu Hahalua would go from 8-8 to 3-13 in a matter of one season and welcome themselves back to the bottom of not only their conference but the entire league. It’s actually quite interesting looking at this season for the Hahalua because it was very similar to their last season statistically. In fact, according to the stats they actually improved in season 26 ranking better in just about every category except the most important one….wins. I can’t really make a storyline for this season it’s just one of those seasons where it flies by and you turn around and wonder “what the hell just happened?”. Despite a poor team performance unsurprisingly Venus had another great season missing just 4 total kicks combined between extra points and field goals (although once again, she didn’t make a single 50+ yard field goal and only attempted 1 total). But that isn’t the story as season 26 comes to an end, The bigger story is, where did Venus Powers go?
As we look through Baron1898’s logs she vanishes from sight and doesn’t appear again for 2 whole years. She doesn’t post on the ISFL website nor does she update her wiki page. It appears Venus had abandoned her team but why? Besides the REAL answer, I believe she saw the regression in the mirror and ran away before having to face it. After a perfect season she had missed 1 kick and then 4 kicks what would happen next season if she were to continue? So Venus packed her bags and left Honolulu to their own devices leaving only a ghost of herself in her stead unknowingly making the best decision of her playing career.
Season 27
Free from the control and power hungry Venus they were left with a Venus that didn’t say. Instead, she just did. Which freed up the team to be loose and have a little fun and focus not on making sure Venus was happy but making sure the team was happy. This led to the Hahalua’s best season going an incredible 11-4 becoming the best team in the ASFC.having one of the best offenses AND defenses in the entire league. It is no coincidence that as soon as the Evil Queen leaves town the team starts playing well and even her ghost played better than the previous year despite regression trying to tear her down as she missed only 3 total kicks and even made 3 50+ yarders. This was the team that she had talked about previously when she had said the teams window was just opening. Turns out the team just needed a breath of fresh air from that open window for them to find success. Now (spoiler alert) Honolulu would not go on to win the Ultimus nor would they even reach the Ultimus but they would successfully defeat the Sabercats 38-27 in the first round and not only win their first playoff game as a team but secure Venus’ first playoff win of her career as well. But all good things come to an end and with Venus realizing the team was having success she took this as an opportunity to reemerge for the conference championship game against the Second Line. Once more making herself the center of attention despite the offense putting up 5 touchdowns a week before, she went on to steal EVERY SINGLE POINT from the rest of the Hahalua team as they would lose the game 24-15 behind 5 field goals from Powers scoring all the points in the game just like she had done in their first playoff appearance.
Season 28
The team would continue to have success in season 28 but their window was closing fast. They dropped to 9-7 good for fourth in the division and their offense and defense returned to league average. Venus continued a similar trend missing another 4 kicks throughout the season still playing at an elite level. But her power over the team and her power in her leg was continuing to fade. Despite that she kicked a career high 8 50+ yard field goals making 5 in the process in what I would say was her most impressive season kicking wise besides her perfect season. The team along with the ghost of Venus went into the opening round of the playoffs against the conference best 12-4 Arizona Outlaws. But Honolulu did not fear the Outlaws like many teams may have if they were forced to face them in the opening round. This was because Honolulu had handed the Outlaws two of their four losses and while the games were close, Honolulu was confident they could do it again. Unfortunately for them, lightning doesn’t strike 3 times and they would end up losing 10-23 getting bounced out of the playoffs in the first round.
Season 29 and Beyond
And that was Venus’ last hope at chasing down an Ultimus trophy. Venus continued regressing at a more and more rapid rate. And while she would once again brush it off going a perfect 5/5 on 50+ yarders, her time was drawing dangerously close to an end. Meanwhile the short Honolulu dynasty was coming to a much more abrupt end as season 29 saw the Hahalua go back to their old ways racking up a total of 3 wins in 16 games and once more becoming the bottom dwellers of the league. The team just never seemed to be able to gain their footing. Venus’ soul had left her body and was racking up stats to rack up stats. While never caring about the team and winning her body made sure that those stats would continue to accumulate as it walked over her fallen comrades trying desperately to string together any kind of win they could muster.
In season 30 Venus was stripped of her punting powers leaving her more of a corpse than a player mindlessly kicking the ball through the uprights to generate more and more stats. The team would improve going 6-10 but they still didn’t make the playoffs and Venus had her worst season since her rookie year. Not wanting to tarnish her legacy any further Venus hung up the cleats and retired to what I can only assume to be San Antonio to watch from afar.
But this is where the somberness comes to an end. I have been waiting season after season to get to season 31 to show just what power and control does to a team. Venus may not have been there in her soul but her body was still very much on the field for all those years. Striking fear in incoming rookies and asserting control over more seasoned veterans Venus had become a player to be feared and not respected. Anything she wanted she got and it didn’t matter the price even if it was defeat after defeat. Venus played in only 4 playoff games her entire ISFL career only making the playoffs in 3 seasons and only ever winning 1 whole game. But as soon as she was off the team Honolulu went 9-7 making the playoffs, defeating the Outlaws in the opening round, defeating the Copperheads in the ASFC championship, and defeating the Yeti in the Ultimus to win their first Ultimus as an expansion team. ONE season after Venus leaves the team they all of a sudden win the Ultimus. This is no coincidence that much is abundantly clear. Venus was a weight on their shoulders and as soon as she was lifted off, they dominated when it mattered most. So Venus can have all these stats and records and awards but she doesn’t have the most important award a player can receive, an Ultimus trophy.
Closing Thoughts
I close this part with a few thoughts of my own. First off, Venus had a great career there’s no if’s and’s or but’s about that. What can be argued are a few separate things. First off her hall of fame status. As demonstrated earlier, if Crisco did not get in there is no way in hell that Venus should have got in as well. She talked so much about awards she forgot that he has an Ultimus to his name and she doesn’t. Secondly, Venus’ lust for power and control likely cost her that chance at an Ultimus. Third, her ego and hypocritical nature led to her being blind to these facts labeled before you. Venus was indeed a great player. But in the end, she got in her own way. My final thought regarding the matters before you is that I have come to the realization that I am just another Venus Powers and that is terrifying.
Coming Soon
See you in the final part of the history of the Evil Baron where we get a chance to meet Baron’s newest player safety Regina Ferraro who is approaching the end to her career very soon. We will also dive into Baron’s biggest media pieces and why she is the self proclaimed media queen with all of this culminating in the thesis of why Baron1898 is the biggest villain and egomaniac this league has ever seen.
P.S. Happy New Year Everyone!
So where did we leave off? *Checks notes* how did we only get through 2 ISFL seasons in almost 9000 words in the last article? Surely I am more concise than that and don’t go on random tangents about how I’m wasting time and filling space! I get to the point of what the people want to know! After all, if Baron1898 calls herself the Queen of media should I not be the King of media? Start calling me King Lock or something? No, that would be silly. Unlike Baron1898 I’m not Vladamir Putin hosting totally legitimate elections then calling myself the President. I’m not Baron1898 not even hosting elections then calling herself the Queen. My ego isn’t THAT big…..
Anyway we actually left off on a positive note with Venus Powers! Big surprise I know! But don’t you worry because that will end riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight about………………………….now. You see, Venus Powers for the first time possibly ever, was happy with her current situation. She had just won the punter of the year along with a pro bowl nod and was getting all the reps in the world. Sure her team sucked but did she care? Absolutely not! She even expressed OPTIMISM in an end of season PT Task. I know! I can’t believe it either! She said this about the future of Phili…..
My copy and paste is not working and it’s preventing my from doing my job. Sorry folks I’m sure you would love to hear what Venus Powers said about her team but you are going to have to wait just a little bit longer. Okay so I figured out how to paste but vvvvvv no my v button does work so that isn’t it…..looks like I got to do the ol’ clicky copy clicky pasty thing a ma jig. So let me set the scene again; Venus Powers has finally reached her full potential gaining complete control of a terrible terrible team but she is happy because it allows her all the glory. At the end of the season she would say this regarding Phili’s future, “Philadelphia’s lack of contention now is only prologue for the team’s incoming rise. Thanks to our wonderful GMs swindling the dwindling Chicago Butchers, we have a treasure trove of early round picks in the largest and deepest draft of NSFL history….young players on the team, including the rightful Punter of the Year Venus Powers…., will take even more steps and training to become league superstars, and Venus will become the league’s highest TPE kicker as of this offseason. Team morale and locker room culture has never been better, and within a season or two the Liberty should be in the prime position to take aim for the stars and bring home a second trophy to Philadelphia”. Look at that optimism! This is I think genuinely the first time I have seen any of Baron’s players expressing excitement for the future. But don’t look now because directly in front of us is the…
EXPANSION DRAFT
With an influx of players entering the league, the ISFL has expanded with two new teams heading into season 22. We have the Sarasota Sailfish and Honolulu Hahalua (isn’t that a mouthful). With expansion there are some rules that come into play the biggest being current teams are only allowed to protect 7 players from being drafted by the expansion teams with an additional option of protection as the draft went on. It would seem that Phili did not see eye to eye or Venus Powers vision of the future as they did not protect her with one of their 7 possible options. Frustrated but not to the point of anger she was promised to be protected as soon as possible once the draft began but these promises were not kept as Venus Powers was selected by the Honolulu Hahalua (I’m going to have to try and spell this the rest of the article huh?) with the 14th overall pick.
Okay hold up we need to rewind just a bit to just one day before the expansion draft because I have realized things are not what they may have first appeared to be. I have taken a break from Venus Powers and have forgotten all about her smoke and mirrors. She proclaimed in a PT task that she was excited for the potential of the Liberty but the truth may not line up with this. On April 12th 2020 Baron released an article labeled “Critically Examining Punter of the Year” so to place this in our timeline this was one day before the expansion draft that would take place on the 13th, and 3 days before the awards show on the 15th. I put this timeline in place because it shows that Venus didn’t want to be in Phili after all. She strategically posted a punter of the year article which, surprise surprise, came to the conclusion that she had been the best punter, one day before the expansion. The ONLY reason for her to do this on the 12th instead of the 14th would be to get the attention of the two new expansion teams so that they would select her. And it allllllllllllllllll makes sense in the grand scheme of things because of the themes we have mentioned before, she wants power, she wants control, and she will do everything she can to get that. Sure she may have liked Phili but they had a bit of a history and she was in the middle of it with no way to really step out into the spotlight. But if she were to be selected by a brand new team and become their FIRST ever kicker? Now that is the attention she so badly craved. She had just killed two birds with one stone, highlighting how good she is so that she could get the award for punter of the year which, by the way, I’m not so sure she deserved. She spent a lot of the article making up fake stats and ratios that made her seem better than the other potential winner of punter of the year. So I wouldn’t be surprised if her ability to alter the true punter picture by posting this article with stats that made HER look good ended up being the decision maker for the committee because as she mentions in the article, the committee barely looks at special teams to begin with so by her posting this saying she is the best they are going to assume she is without diving deeper. The second bird she struck down with the stone was of course being drafted to a completely new team where she would have ALL the records to herself with no one standing in her way. So now that we have cleared that up and realized she didn’t care as much about Phili as we thought, we can happily move on.
Kicker Betrayal
Kicking is a lonely part of the game. We touched on that in our last article. And that is why I think it is important for other kickers to stand by each other. We do this in a variety of ways. Our dedicated chat in the ISFL server is FILLED with LOTS of messages back and forth about how great we are. I think we have a sort of “kicker code” so to speak. An understanding amongst each other that we must stand by each other as the rest of the league criticizes us. I mention that because Venus Powers does NOT belong in this discussion nor follows the “kicker code”. She exemplifies everything kickers strive NOT to be. As a, what I would loosely call “veteran” of the league entering her third season of the ISFL she decided to ask some questions to an aspiring young rookie kicker during his presser one of those questions was “Why is McDairmid a worse punter than Venus Powers”? Look at this from the big picture. She doesn’t try hyping the young man up, she doesn’t give him advice, she immediately talks about herself and why she is the best with no regard for his thoughts or feelings. But he doesn’t take the bait because he knows the kicker code. He knows he is supposed to stand by his fellow kickers so he responds ever so elegantly “I have a lot of respect for Venus as a kicker - she has shown the NSFL what it means to be a top level Kicker/Punter in all facets of the game, especially punting. It will be fun to continue watching her performances as I make my way into the NSFL. Now, in my current level of play, it wouldn't be fair to compare myself to a top-calibre player like that of Powers. I'm just a promising rookie, she is one of the top players in the entire league at the position. In a few years, if I manage to get into the same conversation as players like Venus and Alex D, then I will be truly proud of what I have been able to accomplish; because they are fantastic examples of what it takes to be a great K/P in this league”. I mean hang that in the Louvre. He could have said he was flat out better than her, or that he would be in the future but he didn’t do either. He said he would be PROUD to be in the same conversation as Venus and she had the audacity to flat out disrespect him by bullying him into saying he wasn’t as good as her.
One thing of note before we continue Venus also put in her 3 year contract which signed with Honolulu an NTC to Chicago (unsurprising) and a mutual option in all 3 years as well. This mutual option was more like a player option as I’m sure she could have forced their hand at any point if she was unsatisfied with her standing on the team. Spoiler alert: She would remain with Honolulu for the rest of her days but I thought it was worth noting because it once again demonstrates the power she feels the need to hold over any team that she is on.
Season 22
Okay, ENOUGH let’s actually talk about a full season It’s not like I’m already at 2000 damn words. Expansion teams are notoriously bad. I think the only decent expansion team I can think of off the top of my head is the Vegas Knights. So it will come to no one’s surprise that Honolulu was last in their division with a 4-9 record which is somehow an improvement over Venus’ last season. But this was not an improvement for Venus’ stats. Being on one of the leagues worst teams had it’s upsides for a kicker. Being on a bad offense you know you are going to punt a lot but you expect to get into field goal range at least a decent amount of times. But with a comically bad offense Venus kicked only 16 field goals NONE of them being from over 50 yards. She also only kicked 19 extra points. This meant she was way out of contention for any sort of kicking awards so she was forced once more to rely on the lesser of the two awards, the punter of the year award. But she took no grace in winning this award which she should have been thankful for even receiving ANYTHING at all instead she used it as a time to insult a respected punter in his own right who was nominated to the hall of fame but was not inducted, that being Alfredo Crisco. As she states in her wiki “Even before the season Powers was now widely seen as the best punter in the league, battling only the aging corpse of Crisco”. The aging corpse of Crisco? That is a rude thing to say about the most dominate punter in the league until you came along. If anything he was aging like fine wine but Venus cares not for her fellow kickers and punters that much is already known.
I’ve said before that I rarely mention Baron’s PT Tasks mostly because they have to do with either Disney or some mambo jumbo that doesn’t relate to this particular storyline. However this PT Task is extremely relevant to the storyline as we paint the character of Baron1898. So the PT Task is as follows; “Boom or Bust: make your case for the worst draft pick of all time”. Baron goes on to mention some random draft pick that I honestly don’t give a hoot about. What she also does is VERY briefly mention who I would consider the biggest draft bust of all time and if you read parts 1 and 2 you may be inclined to agree with me. That’s right despite it being her own player where she KNOWS she let her team down, she barely mentions Morgan Marshall who is OBVIOUSLY the biggest bust of all time. Marshall was active, highest TPE, all the stats you could possibly ask for but QUIT because Baron couldn’t handle competition. Baron may have only briefly mentioned Marshall as the biggest bust but she knows he is THE bust.
The next PT Task is also relevant to the storyline as it causes Baron to reflect on the playoffs “On a personal level, the playoffs have always gone one of two ways for me: missing the shindig entirely, or showing up as home favorites and losing the first game. This year it’ll be the former. Since the Honolulu Hahalua were slotted into the absolute bloodbath of a division that is the ASFC, and since our entire defense is composed of old ass men, Venus Powers will be spending her third NSFL off-season the same way as the first two, eating trashy food at home”. I think it is funny reading this for one of two reasons. First off I think Baron may have something against old people because this is the second time she is insulting veterans of the league in the last few paragraphs. This also demonstrates how much of a team player and how unwilling she is to hold herself accountable for things she may have something to do with. The second point I was going to make is how funny it is that she left the Wraiths because of lack of overall success only for them to thrive in her absence and are now 1 season away from winning an ultimus that could have been Baron’s for the taking but she was too caught up in PERSONAL success which has ultimately led to lack of overall success. The truth is the problem is Baron not the team. She has dragged her team through the mud so that she could have all the kicking stats in the world but at the cost of any kind of team success. And that will only continue for seasons to come.
Next up we have Ultimus week where you can write about all sorts of things and I bet you can guess what Baron decided to write about! That’s right! Herself! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I poke fun at this but it is a well thought out piece about overall happiness in the league and how her perspective has changed DESPITE not having as much success as she may have thought she would. There are plenty of holes to poke in her story but I would be beating a dead dog at this point. Is that the saying? I don’t think that’s the saying but I’m not looking it up because you get the point.
Season 23
The salt continues to flow through Baron as we go through season 23 (the year the Wraiths win the Ultimus mind you). Baron discusses what expansion team she would add to the league in the latest PT task and she decides San Antonio is a good option. Earth to Venus. Hehehe that’s kind of a funny line. THEY TRIED THAT ALREADY. IT DIDNT WORK. THEY MOVED. GET OVER IT. THEY AINT COMING BACK. YOU ARE LIVING IN THE PAST. TIME TO FOCUS ON MAYBE I DONT KNOW….WINNING?! Cause your team is on their way to second to last in the conference and you missing the playoffs YET AGAIN.
I know none of you are surprised at this point but Venus and Honolulu failed to make the playoffs yet again. They ended the season with a 7-9 record which some would say is respectable (I am not one of those people) and were 5th in their conference. So just to put that in perspective Venus has been in the ISFL for 4 seasons at this point and has yet to even sniff the playoffs. And since ditching the anchor that was Venus Powers, the Philidalphia Liberty have made the playoffs in back to back years. Coincidence? Highly unlikely. Failure follows every where Venus goes and While she had received the punter of year award in back to back seasons she would not be so lucky this time around as she would lose the three-peat by a single vote. If she may have been just a little bit nicer to the award committee she may have received that extra vote but with her checkered past with them there was no chance they were going to allow her to get it again and I can’t blame them. No sooner as I finish this last sentence then I see that Venus has posted a comment on the awards because of COURSE she has saying how terrible it is that Crisco (nominated to the hall of fame remember that) was even on the ballot in the first place and was OBVIOUSLY stealing votes from her. Get over it Venus. Maybe don’t burn so many bridges next time. But Honolulu was oblivious to the anchor they had aboard their boat and were blinded by the shiny awards and stats Venus has accumulated in her two seasons with the team. And for that reason they gave her a 36 MILLION DOLLAR 9 SEASON EXTENSION with a no trade clause to cap it all off. This is what power looks like folks. Venus had a stranglehold on the organization and they had to do her bidding whether they wanted to or not. They would continue to fail again and again and again all because Venus wanted all the power to herself, all the money to herself, all the decisions to herself leaving no room for debate, no room for discussion, just pure power that she could wield however she wanted now that they were stuck with her for the rest of her career.
Season 24
Venus/Baron is so funny, I will give her that. Going into season 24 Honolulu was once more projected to be a bottom of the barrel team but after 5 weeks of action they had a 3-2 record which somehow gave them a tie for first place in their conference. Venus used this as an opportunity to gloat about how no one expected them to be good only for them to magically be the best in the league saying “Maybe they aren’t as trash as projected”. What she fails to realize in stroking her and her teams own ego is that 3-2 is NOT a good record. Sure you are above 500 but that isn’t saying much and it is way too early in the season to predict the final outcome. But maybe I’m just being pessimistic about this whole thing. After all, I do have a vendetta against Venus Powers so let me restrain my pessimism until we see how the whole season shakes up…..
![[Image: image.png?ex=65a5acda&is=659337da&hm=15a...326044c4a&]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/942508405543805041/1191503228160970852/image.png?ex=65a5acda&is=659337da&hm=15a85fa6c35b78c5a96170409565413d5e433120d29d2c3b9d908f0326044c4a&)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHA. Oh Venus Powers. If only you had a little more awareness. Think of the bigger picture instead of making a hot take a third of the way through the season and only being 1 game above 500. But that isn’t the Venus nor the Baron way. Fittingly second to last in the conference and once again missing the playoffs Venus can enjoy the playoffs from the comfort of her own home like she has the previous 4 seasons earlier. This is all fine and dandy but Honolulu wasn’t a complete disaster. Sitting at 8-7 going into the final week all they needed was a win against the last place Austin Copperheads but they played from behind all game and there is a crucial reason for this. This would be the first season Venus would make an impact as a kicker. In fact, she wouldn’t miss a single extra point or field goal which I have to applaud as that is extremely difficult to do but it highlights a bigger concern with this season 24 team and Venus saw this as a prime opportunity to use her power to her advantage. She knew that since she had been perfect all season they would put her out there in just about any situation and in the end that would end up costing them the game. With 6:12 left in the game it was 13-23 and Honolulu was faced with a 4th and 1 from the Ausin 9. Instead of attempting to get 1 measly yard on the doorstep of the endzone they elected to go for a field goal allowing Venus all the glory but still forcing them to need a full other touchdown with limited time remaining. This would seal their fate as they would lose this game 16-23 and miss the playoffs. Venus had stolen an almost assured touchdown to get credit for another field goal for herself. This is just another example of Venus putting her own accolades above the teams as instead of reaching the playoffs she is able to pick up her own medal (a deserved near unanimous kicker of the year award) and get ALL the glory to herself completely forgetting her entire team that was trying so desperately to win. I talk so highly of Venus only for her to make me rethink giving her this one compliment. A little behind the scenes for you but I write my overall season summaries before reading Baron’s posts on the forums. This means a lot of what I say is conjecture until I go back through the files to see if what I have said is right or wrong. But after complimenting and giving props to a near unanimous season Venus slams the door in my face. Venus is DISGUSTED with not being unanimously given the award saying “Powers should’ve been even more unanimous than she already was”. Who even says that? Most people would be happy with just receiving an award and that seemed to be the case all throughout the first few seasons with Venus wanting so desperately just to win an award. But now that she received it she treats it like a piece of metal she needs to get rid of not seeing it as good enough since she wasn’t unanimously voted in. Truly an egotistical take from the power hungry Venus Powers that wants all the control and power in the league for herself.
So with 5 ISFL seasons in the books where do we stand with Venus Powers? Well, She has established herself as a formidable punter receiving two punter of the year awards, most recently had a PERFECT kicking season (something I give her great respect for), and is the face of her new team. But at what cost? Not just no playoff wins but no playoff appearances, has an ego that could inflate a balloon the size of Earth, and has a controlling presence that would strike fear in any opponent and teammate and likely constantly costs her teams wins because of her own ignorance. Looking ahead we have 6 seasons to go and plenty of more fun content to talk about so let’s move forward.
INTERMISSION
JUST KIDDING! It’s time for a short intermission. I am currently feverishly typing part 3 to this Baron series due to x3 MEDIA. I was going to take a nice winter break kick up my legs near the fire and drink some hot cocoa but there isn’t ANY DAMN SNOW ON THE GROUND AND NOW I HAVE TO RUSH THROUGH THIS ARTICLE. But don’t think, just because I am rushing this, that I won’t be hard on Baron because I’m pumped up and ready to go after watching that ending to the Cowboys Lions game because what the fuck was that? Anywho let’s move on to our next section as we have another expansion in the wings followed by season 25 and Venus’ first playoff appearance?!
It’s expansion time with TWO more teams entering the mix and once again Venus is not protected by Honolulu with one of their 6 protected picks. In everything I have read from Baron she says she doesn’t care and isn’t surprised and blahblahblahblah. We’ve learned enough about Venus to know this isn’t true. She has been constantly talking about wanting to get all the franchise records for Honolulu and since she is the first kicker for a new expansion team she has seen this as a perfect opportunity. Going to a new expansion team would cause her to be forgotten as she has just barely gained a foothold in Honolulu. Luckily for her kickers are worthless and despite her most recent impressive season these two new expansion teams smartly avoided drafting her in the expansion draft and was thus protected by Honolulu after the first round (I can only assume reluctantly). So going into season 25 Honolulu’s youth was maturing into a more formidable foe. Well, maybe not as formidable as one may think as they once again finished 8-8 but this time they were able to make the playoffs.
WE INTERRUPT THIS ARTICLE WITH A SPECIAL WEATHER REPORT. Not but an hour later from mentioning how there is no snow on the ground it starts snowing! The ISFL gods have truly blessed me on this day and showed to me that they are in my favor and not the evil Baron Queen’s favor. This brings me great joy and I look forward to ROASTING the Baron as we continue to talk about season 25.
Season 25
Making the playoffs is an accomplishment. That is something I will not deny. What I will deny is that the Hahalua were a good football team and DESERVED to be there. Middle of the pack in just about every statistical category the Hahalua were not a special team by any means. And while they did rattle off a couple big wins most notably a 34-17 victory at the evenual 13-3 Colorado Yeti they also had some terrible losses headlined by a 30-17 beatdown from the 4-12 expansion team New York Silverbacks. But this is bound to happen to any team even the great ones fail sometimes. So while they ended the season with a brutal 40-13 loss to the Outlaws there was still optimism in the team that they could make a playoff run. In their way stood the ASFC conference leading Orange County Otters. The Otters boasted an 11-5 record with one of the best air raid offenses in the league. However despite this impressive record there was still skepticism about how good they really were. Their defense was one of the worst defenses in the league and the Hahalua had split the series with the Otters in the regular season first losing 38-28 before narrowly beating them 23-20 thanks to a clutch field goal with a minute 30 remaining from Venus Powers. So while this wasn’t necessarily a toss up, there was still hope amongst the Hahalua fans that they could beat the Otters. Those hopes were quickly dashed as the Otters would go up 24-0 early in the third. At that point everyone knew what the end result would be so Venus kicked two garbage time field goals just to pad her stats and give herself the glory of having the first points made by a Hahalua player in the playoffs and called it a day. I wouldn’t be surprised if Venus had skipped all the way home happy to be the only Hahalua player to score on the day. With that being said, Venus did have another remarkable season kicking an insane 49 extra points not missing a single one. Then only missing 1 of her 36 field goal attempts on her way to her second consecutive kicker of the year award. These field goal stats come with a huge asterisks for one big reason. The entire 17 game season that Venus participated in, she didn’t attempt a SINGLE field goal from over 50 yards. In fact, her longest field goal was only from 46. So what I think happened, on the heels of a perfect kicking season, Venus looked to repeat and in doing so, asked her coaches to give her the easiest field goals possible. And if necessary, she’d rather punt the ball, then kick a long field goal.
Hall of Fame? A Comparison
It’s that time again folks. I didn’t think it would come up so early but here we are pretty much halfway through the career of Venus Powers and she has brought up…..the Hall of Fame. She isn’t talking about herself which is a surprise but she is making sure to bring down her fellow kickmate and despised rival Alfredo Crisco. Crisco had retired in the season 25 offseason and there had been discussion of whether he should be in the Hall of Fame. Powers is adamant in saying no but her reasons are unknowingly flawed. As we know, Venus will make the Hall of Fame once her career is over but based on her logic in this post she made, she should not have made the Hall of Fame either. For purposes of comparison what I am about to show is their rankings at the time of the end of their career
Alfredo Crisco
137 games played
325 extra points made (7th all-time)
335 extra points attempted (8th all-time)
97.0% career accuracy (9th all-time)
233 field goals made (5th all-time)
254 field goals attempted (5th all-time)
91.7% career accuracy (12th all-time)
65 yard field goal (ISFL record)
827 punts (4th all-time)
38,887 punting yards (4th all-time)
47.0 average punt (8th all-time)
119 inside the 20 (7th all-time)
78 yard punt (4th all-time)
S20 Kicker of the Year
S20 Punter of the Year
2x Pro Bowl Kicker
2x Pro Bowl Punter
Venus Powers
ISFL Record - Most Consecutive Games w/o a Missed Kick (29)
ISFL Record - Most Consecutive Kicks w/o a Miss (133)
ISFL 4th all-time FGM (294)
ISFL 4th all-time FGA (323)
ISFL 9th all-time FG% (91.0%)
ISFL 9th all-time most XPM (371)
ISFL 10th all-time most XPA (377)
ISFL 8th all-time punts (838)
ISFL 9th all-time YDS (39356)
ISFL 8th all-time punts inside 20 (159)
ISFL 6th all-time points (1253)
2x Kicker of the Year
2x Punter of the Year
4x Pro Bowl Punter
4x Pro Bowl Kicker
This is a lot of mumbo jumbo so let me simplify it for all you pea sized brains out there. Her argument hinges on two things, awards and volume. I crunched the numbers on the overall placement listed for both of these statlines which I believe is fair because it is the statlines that Venus mentions in the post arguing against Crisco and her own accomplishment stats which she lists on her wiki. Taking these accolades into account Crisco’s average ranking was 6.17 at the time of his retirement. MEANWHILE Venus’ average ranking was 6.27 at the time of her retirement. So if she is saying that Crisco should not be in the Hall of Fame with those numbers, then neither should she. But this brings us to the next topic of discussion which is awards. She is very adamant records and awards are key to getting into the Hall of Fame referencing Kulture Vulture who had 6 KOTY awards and 3 POTY awards. This may be a valid point as Crisco does only have one a piece. Until you realize that future hall of famer, Venus Powers, only has one more award in both those categories. We haven’t talked about it yet but after season 25 she wouldn’t get a taste of a single other award in her five more seasons of playing. So all this to say: Venus Powers is one big hypocrite.
Season 26
As alluded to in my previous paragraph Venus’ best years are now behind her. That isn’t to say that she is going to fall off a cliff and perform terribly from now on but it is to show that she will start to show signs of weakness in the coming seasons. Season 26 really put the HAHA in Hahalua (been waiting a while to try and fit that one in there). And before I go further I want to just throw this gem of a line in there as Venus talks about what season 26 may bring “I’d be shocked if the Hahalua don’t make the playoffs next year. The team’s window is just now opening”. The teams window is just now opening and it appears the whole team fell through it Venus. While Venus won’t fall off a cliff her team apparently did and I guess Venus was somehow the only survivor because the Honolulu Hahalua would go from 8-8 to 3-13 in a matter of one season and welcome themselves back to the bottom of not only their conference but the entire league. It’s actually quite interesting looking at this season for the Hahalua because it was very similar to their last season statistically. In fact, according to the stats they actually improved in season 26 ranking better in just about every category except the most important one….wins. I can’t really make a storyline for this season it’s just one of those seasons where it flies by and you turn around and wonder “what the hell just happened?”. Despite a poor team performance unsurprisingly Venus had another great season missing just 4 total kicks combined between extra points and field goals (although once again, she didn’t make a single 50+ yard field goal and only attempted 1 total). But that isn’t the story as season 26 comes to an end, The bigger story is, where did Venus Powers go?
As we look through Baron1898’s logs she vanishes from sight and doesn’t appear again for 2 whole years. She doesn’t post on the ISFL website nor does she update her wiki page. It appears Venus had abandoned her team but why? Besides the REAL answer, I believe she saw the regression in the mirror and ran away before having to face it. After a perfect season she had missed 1 kick and then 4 kicks what would happen next season if she were to continue? So Venus packed her bags and left Honolulu to their own devices leaving only a ghost of herself in her stead unknowingly making the best decision of her playing career.
Season 27
Free from the control and power hungry Venus they were left with a Venus that didn’t say. Instead, she just did. Which freed up the team to be loose and have a little fun and focus not on making sure Venus was happy but making sure the team was happy. This led to the Hahalua’s best season going an incredible 11-4 becoming the best team in the ASFC.having one of the best offenses AND defenses in the entire league. It is no coincidence that as soon as the Evil Queen leaves town the team starts playing well and even her ghost played better than the previous year despite regression trying to tear her down as she missed only 3 total kicks and even made 3 50+ yarders. This was the team that she had talked about previously when she had said the teams window was just opening. Turns out the team just needed a breath of fresh air from that open window for them to find success. Now (spoiler alert) Honolulu would not go on to win the Ultimus nor would they even reach the Ultimus but they would successfully defeat the Sabercats 38-27 in the first round and not only win their first playoff game as a team but secure Venus’ first playoff win of her career as well. But all good things come to an end and with Venus realizing the team was having success she took this as an opportunity to reemerge for the conference championship game against the Second Line. Once more making herself the center of attention despite the offense putting up 5 touchdowns a week before, she went on to steal EVERY SINGLE POINT from the rest of the Hahalua team as they would lose the game 24-15 behind 5 field goals from Powers scoring all the points in the game just like she had done in their first playoff appearance.
Season 28
The team would continue to have success in season 28 but their window was closing fast. They dropped to 9-7 good for fourth in the division and their offense and defense returned to league average. Venus continued a similar trend missing another 4 kicks throughout the season still playing at an elite level. But her power over the team and her power in her leg was continuing to fade. Despite that she kicked a career high 8 50+ yard field goals making 5 in the process in what I would say was her most impressive season kicking wise besides her perfect season. The team along with the ghost of Venus went into the opening round of the playoffs against the conference best 12-4 Arizona Outlaws. But Honolulu did not fear the Outlaws like many teams may have if they were forced to face them in the opening round. This was because Honolulu had handed the Outlaws two of their four losses and while the games were close, Honolulu was confident they could do it again. Unfortunately for them, lightning doesn’t strike 3 times and they would end up losing 10-23 getting bounced out of the playoffs in the first round.
Season 29 and Beyond
And that was Venus’ last hope at chasing down an Ultimus trophy. Venus continued regressing at a more and more rapid rate. And while she would once again brush it off going a perfect 5/5 on 50+ yarders, her time was drawing dangerously close to an end. Meanwhile the short Honolulu dynasty was coming to a much more abrupt end as season 29 saw the Hahalua go back to their old ways racking up a total of 3 wins in 16 games and once more becoming the bottom dwellers of the league. The team just never seemed to be able to gain their footing. Venus’ soul had left her body and was racking up stats to rack up stats. While never caring about the team and winning her body made sure that those stats would continue to accumulate as it walked over her fallen comrades trying desperately to string together any kind of win they could muster.
In season 30 Venus was stripped of her punting powers leaving her more of a corpse than a player mindlessly kicking the ball through the uprights to generate more and more stats. The team would improve going 6-10 but they still didn’t make the playoffs and Venus had her worst season since her rookie year. Not wanting to tarnish her legacy any further Venus hung up the cleats and retired to what I can only assume to be San Antonio to watch from afar.
But this is where the somberness comes to an end. I have been waiting season after season to get to season 31 to show just what power and control does to a team. Venus may not have been there in her soul but her body was still very much on the field for all those years. Striking fear in incoming rookies and asserting control over more seasoned veterans Venus had become a player to be feared and not respected. Anything she wanted she got and it didn’t matter the price even if it was defeat after defeat. Venus played in only 4 playoff games her entire ISFL career only making the playoffs in 3 seasons and only ever winning 1 whole game. But as soon as she was off the team Honolulu went 9-7 making the playoffs, defeating the Outlaws in the opening round, defeating the Copperheads in the ASFC championship, and defeating the Yeti in the Ultimus to win their first Ultimus as an expansion team. ONE season after Venus leaves the team they all of a sudden win the Ultimus. This is no coincidence that much is abundantly clear. Venus was a weight on their shoulders and as soon as she was lifted off, they dominated when it mattered most. So Venus can have all these stats and records and awards but she doesn’t have the most important award a player can receive, an Ultimus trophy.
Closing Thoughts
I close this part with a few thoughts of my own. First off, Venus had a great career there’s no if’s and’s or but’s about that. What can be argued are a few separate things. First off her hall of fame status. As demonstrated earlier, if Crisco did not get in there is no way in hell that Venus should have got in as well. She talked so much about awards she forgot that he has an Ultimus to his name and she doesn’t. Secondly, Venus’ lust for power and control likely cost her that chance at an Ultimus. Third, her ego and hypocritical nature led to her being blind to these facts labeled before you. Venus was indeed a great player. But in the end, she got in her own way. My final thought regarding the matters before you is that I have come to the realization that I am just another Venus Powers and that is terrifying.
Coming Soon
See you in the final part of the history of the Evil Baron where we get a chance to meet Baron’s newest player safety Regina Ferraro who is approaching the end to her career very soon. We will also dive into Baron’s biggest media pieces and why she is the self proclaimed media queen with all of this culminating in the thesis of why Baron1898 is the biggest villain and egomaniac this league has ever seen.
P.S. Happy New Year Everyone!
Howdy! I am responsible for quite possibly the greatest kicker to ever grace the ISFL and am the most accomplished media writer the ISFL has ever seen (no need to ask anyone else regarding either of those claims)
Important Media You Must Read If You Want To Be Cool Like Me
The Villainous Jreed12: The Case Against the WEAKly Mirror|Jreed is a multi|Coming soon
The Truth About Baron1898: The Self Proclaimed Queen|The Evil Queen|The Curse of Venus|The Truth
The Year of the Joker: Year of the Joker|Doubling Down|Bye to Losers|Win or Not?|Last Dance
Read the full 56 Chapter Book of Zen Catalog here: The Book of Zen
Miscellaneous Articles: The Clown Car Four|The Nauseating Nine|1 Star Mcdonalds Prospect Analysis
![[Image: qDRsDEK.png]](https://i.imgur.com/qDRsDEK.png)