06-16-2024, 09:29 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-17-2024, 08:32 PM by wetwilleh. Edited 1 time in total.)
The Book of Zen
Chapter 44: A Bad Season(ing)
Zenzeroni took the term “Sophomore Slump” head on as he had a disaster class of a sophomore season. With George out as coach, Spaghetti School hired a legit football coach that was tough as nails. According to the school president he was bringing in some famous Dave that was going to keep them at the top of their game. Unfortunately despite actually practicing football, the team without the secret serum was nowhere near as good as they had been a year prior.
None of the players from last season were actually athletic and were heavily helped by the “secret sauce” George had provided prior to games. Due to this, many former players were either cut or left on their own volition. What was left was a skeleton crew and while “Cutthroat Dave” as the players called him was able to recruit some new players it didn’t matter. Zenzeroni stayed on the team as it was a large part of why he was still enrolled in Spaghetti School but found himself failing at every corner.
His confidence shot, Zenzeroni missed over half his field goals and was just about as bad when kicking extra points. His longest field goal on the season was a measly 36 yards. His output was also down significantly because the offense struggled to even get into field goal range in the first place. His punts were far weaker than his adrenaline fueled rookie season but he was given nearly double the amount of attempts due to the offense's inability to drive down the field. The Triple Ms massacred the Spaghetti Monsters in both appearances and even Mario felt some sadness toward the team that had been his fiercest rival just one season ago.
As mentioned previously, Zenzeroni was playing football in large part because if he didn’t, he would be kicked out of Spaghetti School and that was not an exaggeration. After being selected to the Sauce Chef Station he completely lost all interest in cooking. He found his classes boring and useless and since his only friend and roommate Linguine was pursuing a different culinary profession they weren’t in any of the same classes anymore. Zenzeorni’s highlight of freshmen year was his sauce making ability in which he masterfully put ketchup in his tomato sauce to send the judges into a frenzy but his creative bug had been squashed since then.
“Zenzeroni! Did you hear me?! Answer the damn question!” Zenzeroni snaps back to reality after thinking about his previous year's antics.
“Spaghetti?” Zenzeroni responds hoping to stumble into the right answer.
“Spaghetti is your favorite seasoning? Is that so? So you would consider Spaghetti a type of seasoning yes?”
“Yes?”
“No! Seasoning is salt, herbs, or spices added to food to enhance the flavor. ENHANCE Zenzeroni NOT overpower!”
“Sorry chef um I guess salt is my favorite seasoning?”
“The most basic bitch response “salt” yeah very original maybe you and all the other normies can have a big party with your boring ass food that has “salt” that will really make a difference.”
“Well chef not to necessarily argue with you but I do think salt is pretty important in that i–"
“Are you saying the head chef is… WRONG?” You get placed in the Sauce Chef Station and all of a sudden you think you run the kitchen? Well in the real world, you are low on the totem pole buddy and it is no different here. Why don’t you stay in your lane before you get run over? I will tell you what is wrong and what is right and YOU will listen. Understand?”
“Yes chef” Zenzeroni mutters.
“I’m sorry what was that?”
“Yes chef” Zenzeroni says a little louder.
“I would have expected your freshmen chefs to teach you to speak loud and clear in the kitchen so that we can all work confidently and efficiently as a team and I trust they did teach you that but if I had to hazard a guess I would say you likely didn’t listen to them.”
“What did I do for you to hate me huh? What did I do? Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring there. There’s your seasons. Happy?”
“Why don’t you stick to kicking balls through the goalposts? Oh wait, you aren’t even good at that. Get out of my kitchen and consider yourself lucky I can’t kick you out of school. Give me a 50 page report on your favorite seasoning and make sure to explain why it isn’t salt.”
Zenzeroni storms out of class and straight into Big Jello “Woah there buddy where are you off to so early?” Big Jello says in his big but kind voice.
“I got kicked out of class.”
“What did I tell you about life?”
“It’s a game.”
“It’s a game that is filled with twists and turns. You’ve got the ability to do great things both in football and in the kitchen. You can’t give up or lose focus just because things are going bad. Kid–”
“DONT call me kid” Zenzeroni says thinking back to One Eyed Larry “This conversation is over. I’m packing my bags and you will never have to see me again.”
“You have a lot more people that care about you than you think.” Big Jello tells Zenzeroni.
“Yeah, and none of them are at this school. I’m going to where I belong. I didn’t see it until it was gone but I never should have left the only home that felt like a home.”
“You are making a mistake Zenzeroni. I can promise you this isn’t the right answer. How will Linguine feel about this? He has been with you from day 1.”
“No one has been with me from day 1. Not my dad, not my mom, not my brother, not even One Eyed Larry, and most certainly not Linguine. The Culinary Arts are filled with some of the most egotistical narcissistic assholes I have ever met.”
“Why don’t you look in the mirror for me when you get the chance? Your reflection might surprise you.” And with that Big Jello walks around the corner. Not wanting to let Big Jello get the last word Zenzeroni rushes around the corner to confront him but Big Jello is nowhere to be seen.
Howdy! I am responsible for quite possibly the greatest kicker to ever grace the ISFL and am the most accomplished media writer the ISFL has ever seen (no need to ask anyone else regarding either of those claims)
Important Media You Must Read If You Want To Be Cool Like Me
The Villainous Jreed12: The Case Against the WEAKly Mirror|Jreed is a multi|Coming soon
The Truth About Baron1898: The Self Proclaimed Queen|The Evil Queen|The Curse of Venus|The Truth
The Year of the Joker: Year of the Joker|Doubling Down|Bye to Losers|Win or Not?|Last Dance
Read the full 56 Chapter Book of Zen Catalog here: The Book of Zen
Miscellaneous Articles: The Clown Car Four|The Nauseating Nine|1 Star Mcdonalds Prospect Analysis