*The Year of the Joker

[lock180]

Well, well, well if it isn’t another season in the ISFL. It’s funny how just one week in so much can change don’t you think? I’m not going to say I told you so….okay that’s a lie I am going to tell you I told you so. And I am going to tell you I did warn you. All of you groveling at the Yellowknife over line DESPERATE to get your share of the Yellowknife gold we had hidden away in preparation for this season. You think 4-12 was an accident? You think there wasn’t a method to this madness. HA. HA. HA. Who’s laughing now?

When @caleb.grim asked for input from each team regarding their outlook I was blunt and honest and what did that give me? What did that give my team? That gave us number 13 on his BULLSHIT dominator rankings. And for what reason? Some magical calculation that he whipped up out of thin air. If he had cared to read what I had to say maybe, just maybe he would have realized Yellowknife is a force to be reckoned with. For those that didn’t read the Yellowknife Outlook, I will provide it to you now:

So the Wraith GM’s have foolishly put me, Zenzeroni Xystarch II, second coming of Venus Powers and superior sibling to Zenzizenzizenzic Xystarch, in charge of this little excerpt on how well we will do this season. So let me put it like this:

Up and coming Quarterback? Check

Star Tight End? Check

Elite Running Back? Check

Best Kicker in the league? Check

The only position lacking is wide receiver and if Toney can still play for the Chiefs then our wide receivers can still play for us. *(this didn't age well)

On the defensive side we are even better boasting two corners soon to be reaching their prime, and some random safety named @TubaDeus that we found wandering the street. Then there’s the dangerous defensive ends and tackles Mo Gago and Dan Dandrews and two respectable linebackers. Of course, we do have the liability of having Thor Dangerson on our team but if you look past that you can see that this is a sleeper team that could make a big impact starting as soon as this season. So don’t let last season's fluke fool you from seeing the potential in this underdog team with emerging and rising stars and don’t be surprised to see us slip into the playoffs when the end of the season rolls around.
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Enough with this PR nonsense, this is how I really see it. This is MY team and they are NOTHING without me. I am the ONLY thing holding this team together and am the only reason we will be competing this season. So I may have received 1st team all pro as a punter but don’t let that fool you into thinking I’m not coming for every single one of you. Whether you are on my team or off I am out for BLOOD. Because THIS SEASON. THIS SEASON, IS THE YEAR OF THE JOKER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
-Zenzeroni Xystarch II

Caleb.grim cast everything I said aside and threw us to the wolves but I expected this. I mean, he was taking my money from the words that I wrote I didn’t expect anything more. He probably should have realized something was up especially considering the last paragraph I wrote but it’s already too late and he has officially become the first victim of the Year of the Joker.

Week 1 saw pure domination from all sides of the ball for Yellowknife and while the 31-26 scoreline may make it appear like it was a close game for NOLA in reality it was far from it. An incredible 122.3 passer rating from the rising star Boudreaux along with 3 touchdowns secured a Yellowknife victory. But to many this was unsurprising. NOLA? The team that’s been last in their conference 5 seasons in a row? Whooptie fucking doo. But those people thinking that didn’t see the bigger picture. They didn’t see the Silent assassin that was Silence Suzuka scoring a touchdown on their first reception in the ISFL. Because those wide receivers I mentioned in my write up saying it was our one weak spot? Yeah, Silence Suzuka is already filling that hole.

The message wasn’t clear yet so it was off to Colorodo where the Yeti? No. Bigfeet? No. Abominable Snowmen? No. Sasquatch? No. Losers? Ah yes, that’s the one. You see The Year of the Joker is a multifaceted mission. I can’t do it alone and thanks to the help of @roquefort he began to place doubts into the minds of the so called “Colorado Yeti” ripping into their illegitimate name and asking for them to make a new one. This was all part of the plan. A perfect distraction to keep their team and GM’s focused on meaningless off the field activities so that when we showed up in week 2, they were completely unprepared for what was about to happen. 3 more touchdowns and an even better 126.5 passer rating for Boudreaux and the defense forcing 3 turnovers were all that was needed for us to slaughter our second target 38-23 and officially become the second victim of the Year of the Joker.

But The Year of the Joker knows no bounds and reaches far and wide. I mentioned I can’t do this alone but what if I were to tell you I have not just one person backing me up, but an entire army spanning not just my own team, but every team in the league and even reaching as high as the head office itself? Well, that is exactly what happened on Thursday morning.

I had just finished up some work and went to discord when I stumbled upon a message from lemonoppy in the fantasy football chat: 

Lemonoppy had attempted to insult me as many have done before but there is more to this screenshot than meets the eye. If you look closer you can see my rival @OrangeJulius has taken me in fantasy but more importantly, you can see Yellowknife GM Tubadeus had changed his name to “TubaLock” and thus the epidemic had begun. As many of you may know, it only takes one to start a trend and two to tango and soon we are at a rave where everyone’s dancing and everything comes together in one synchronise melody all singing one tune. But before we get to that we must explore more because lemonoppy also has me in fantasy already showing that he has been caught in the trap I have so magnificently laid. Twenty6 demands #Justice4Zenz showing just how far my power has reached already but that isn’t all because soon the dominos begin to fall. First Orange Julius, so desperate to be me that he BECAME me: 



And this is when people realized what was happening. 


But by then it was too late. Xenos fell next: 


And finally the man who had started the insults crumbled as well: 


With my army united under one name it was time to take full control of the sim and what better way to do it than with a doubleheader sim on Friday night. Tuba had already gotten the message on Thursday (that much was clear) and when Friday rolled around many took note of his mysterious focus and willingness to bet on Tolliver scoring multiple touchdowns. But two fools became the next victims of the Year of the Joker accepting Tuba’s bets unknowingly falling into the next trap so wonderfully led by the new army of Jokers running rampant in the ISFL. Tuba didn’t let on much but what he did let on was he had found a secret in the sim and had exploited it to it’s fullest extent and when the stream went live and Yellowknife took the field, the commentators and viewers alike were shocked to see Tolliver running up and down the field like no one was stopping him. Tolliver ran for 178 yards and two touchdowns scoring another receiving touchdown to top it off and slaughter yet another opponent in the Sarasota Sailfish 40-21. Tuba ended up failing one of his bets, betting 2.5 rushing touchdowns for Tolliver but the message across the league was clear. Don’t mess with Yellowknife. And while there is controversy around the circumstances of Tollivers breakout game and whether a mysterious attribute was included in the sim it doesn't matter in the end because tomfoolery always prevails and there is no stopping the year of the joker......

Throughout these first 3 weeks I haven’t had to lift a finger as my puppets have played their part to perfection and week 4 did roll around and Yellowknife was defeated....but that had always been the goal. Going into today we WANTED to be at 3-1:


All of this has a purpose. Whether you are aware of it is a different story but everything I do, everything my team does, we do it for a reason. And as I warned in the preseason. And I will continue to do so now, Whether you are on my team or off I am out for BLOOD. Because THIS SEASON. THIS SEASON, IS THE YEAR OF THE JOKER and you better watch out because you never know when YOU will be the next victim of The Year of The Joker HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHA

Epilogue: I am the greatest kicker to ever live no one stands in front of me that is better no one in the past reaches the heights of my greatness the only reason the Wraiths have been doing so well is because I Zenzeroni Xystarch the second have blessed them with my appearance making sure to score every single extra point while missing just one field goal. And you may be wondering why I missed that field goal. Well it certainly wasn’t for anyone but myself. I needed to humble myself because hubris is the death of us all. But now that I am grounded I can see the light again and see a new world before me. One where I am the ruler -Zenzeroni Xystarch II (Thursday 10:12 AM)

[Nathan]

Me when I’m definitely not on some S38 Baltimore shit

[homercrates]

Lock Sidious

[caleb.grim]

It’s very convenient of you to just gloss over your week 4 defeat to the Hawks, the very team your rival happens to play for!






(Should I tell him that he is my fantasy kicker too?)

[Baron1898]

I made a good move getting sandblasted by the formidable Zenzeroni media machine before the Year of the Joker

also take a shot every time lock mentions Venus Powers unprompted

[homercrates]

(Should I tell him that he is my fantasy kicker too?)

Don't do this. 
I am not sure if its possible for us to feed Zen's ego as if it is a raging fire that needs and grows with the consumption of everything in its path.
Or if it is like a blackhole that pulls everything into its warping of space and time irregardless of of nothing or everything it continues to pull with out requirement.
Let us hope it is the former and that it could be starved.