*Bye to Losers

[lock180]

Tonight I lay in bed typing the latest chapter in the year of the Joker a broken man. I know this won’t be released Friday night like the previous two editions and I know it won’t have the same flair or motifs of previous chapters. I just played 2 hours of Rocket League with my younger cousin in which we went 11-0 where I had to make sure he felt like he was on cloud 9 and were the best team ever. All of this is despite us playing against some of the worst bots you can play against in season mode. So what does this have to do with the ISFL? Well, when we had to create a team name, knowing whatever I chose would be wrong, I allowed him to make it. He chose three words to represent our team and those three words perfectly encapsulate this edition of The Year of the Joker. Those three words that he was SO proud of and would constantly use it against other teams and angrily yell at our bot teammate “Merlin” was…

“Bye to losers”.

We start our newest adventure in San Jose who have been a surprisingly strong team this season. Some might say that San Jose and Yellowknife were cut from the same cloth both teams not expecting the success their teams were having coming into the game. But before we adventure further into this game we must talk about one character I spoke SO highly about. His name is Mega Tron otherwise known as McGriddy10. This man, oh the things I want to do to this man. I praised Mega Tron for joining Yellowknife and purchasing our stocks. Thor Dangerson even labeled him the prophesiah. He was even let into the Yellowknife locker room. And what did we get in return?

Throwing us away like a bag of garbage. This is after everything we did for him

Then he has the audacity the AUDACITY I tell you, to come into our locker room and ask “gee guys what happened heheheheheheheheeheh” Get the FUCK out of here McGriddy10 and pick a side. If I wanted someone that would flip flop all over the place I’d buy a fish at the local market. Besides spitting lies about seeing the Wraiths winning and instead selling his stocks, he also played the innocent “what happened” card which is absolutely insane especially to do it in another team's locker room.
Moving on San Jose won thanks to a field goal with 24 seconds to go and I ended up missing a 62 yard field goal. But my white hot rage ignores this fact because I simply cannot believe I ever trusted this man and will never do so again. He has reached heights even Crazy Tomato has yet to reach. So I will say it now. I will say it loud. And I will say it clear. McGriddy10, you will not be the first victim nor will you be the last victim of the Year of the Joker. But believe me when I tell you that you WILL be a victim of the Year of the Joker. And when it happens I will be sitting in the comfort of this very bed I lay in and eating popcorn while writing about your downfall. Xoxoxo

Our next event lies in an old rival. One that I have written about extensively. But no matter how much I write about her, she always comes up with new ways to piss me off. On this edition of Baron messing with Zenzeroni we take a trip to the BBB locker room where we find a new channel labeled “snail racing” where you pit your own snail against another users (or bots) in an epic battle of speed. Baron and Zenzeroni faced off in a one on one battle with the results as follows:

I was a sore loser I will admit to that. But Baron went too far in saying Powers > Xystarch (true as it may be) and I was not going to stand for that asking for a best 2 out of 3. Granted this chance by the Baron of Snails we dueled again:

Soundly defeating Baron and becoming victorious. I was ready to take my rightful place on the throne. But Baron uttering the words “Just making it interesting” sent shivers down my spine

Defeated once more I had to look somewhere else to vent my frustration and that is where we head to our game of the week this one against the Chicago Butchers.

But before that, I must admit something. I fell asleep after that last sentence and it may have been the BEST sleep I have had in a long time. But don’t let that fool you into thinking I have come back to writing this with a softer more at ease mind because before I fell asleep. As I laid there in the dark images of what I would write in this article came to me like prophets seeing visions. And I’d like to revisit McGriddy for one second because I don’t believe I vented properly. Imagine bringing your best friend into your mother's house with open arms. You aren’t expecting them to be perfect by any means and they may root for the rival team on gamedays but that’s what makes it fun! But then something inside them snaps and they go on a rampage breaking your mother's fine china, swinging a bat through the middle of your tv, and throwing it into the pool. That is what McGriddy did that fateful Monday night. We opened our door with open arms IF YOU ARE GOING TO ROOT FOR YOUR TEAM OPENLY ADMIT YOU ARE ROOTING FOR YOUR TEAM INSTEAD OF SPITTING IN OUR FACE AND LYING TO US. THEN TO SHOW UP UNANNOUNCED AT THE HOUSE ONCE MORE AND FEIGN IGNORANCE IS SOMETHING I CANNOT AND WILL NOT STAND FOR. MCGRIDDY10 YOU HAVE THEREFORE BEEN NAMED THE FIRST AND HOPEFULLY ONLY PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER 1 OF THE YEAR OF THE JOKER. GET THE HELL OFF MY GOD DAMN LAWN.

Don’t worry there’s plenty more where that came from because like I said, I had ALL NIGHT to process the events over the past week. And for me losing to Baron1898 being the least annoying part of this whole article will go to show you that there has been a lot going on that really GRINDS MY GEARS.

So back to Chicago. I like to make things interesting. Simply hitting field goals isn’t good enough because why hit field goals when you can do something far more interesting than that. Why hit field goals when you can make a game go into overtime where all the pressure is on the line? This is the Year of the Joker. And the Year of the Joker LOVES chaos. With 19 seconds to go and the game tied at 17 Zenzeroni Xystarch II walked onto the field to kick a 52 yard field goal. After unlocking new abilities he’d never dreamed of having before, Zenzeroni knew he could easily make the kick.  And that is exactly why he missed it. He didn’t need the confidence but the team sure did. So he missed the field goal and brought the team to overtime where sure enough with one minute to go the connection between Boudreaux and Hunt lined up for a 58 yard bomb to win the game in dramatic fashion. That’s the Year of the Joker done right and now it is time to bring into the fold something that has been no secret to the league but has recently been brought to the forefront of everyone’s attention due to a surprising rookie movement trying to send shockwaves throughout the league.

That’s right I’m talking about the Heck HO movement. A movement as old as time but in all of my 3? 4? (I’m starting to lose track) seasons in this league I have never seen it as strong as this. Media post after media post salivating at the idea of HO being crushed at their feet and why is this? Simply put, the energy around the Year of the Joker has spread throughout the league. The Heck HO movement has always had a place in the league but with the Year of the Joker in full swing rookies and veterans alike have been unafraid to voice their opinion and scrutinize the very organization that makes all of this possible. I won’t go into the movement because I think many others have done it proper justice but just know that I am a full supporter of the idea and am backing anyone and everyone that posts media regarding the issues put forward.

We have finally arrived at the biggest storyline of the week and one that breaks my heart almost as much as McGriddy smashing my tv in front of me. It is time to discuss the allegations in “ISFL Weekly Mirror, Sixth Edition”. My sadness is so strong that as I type these words I see a tear fall from my eye and splatter against the keyboard. I was lured, I was deceived, and I was trapped in a storyline that wasn’t my own all due to the innocence of one message I received from a user I have come to love to hate and hate to love. I should have known from the moment he sent the message he had only his own ambitions in mind. His sinister undercurrent is obvious looking back at it now but I was naive and I let my guard down telling him about something I’m passionate about. And ultimately, that was my ruin. So without further ado let me name the man behind the mask, because it is none other than Mr. Bamford himself.
We’ve had a mutual respect for each other for quite some time now. We poke jabs from time to time but it isn’t anything too serious. But it would appear I have brought a knife to a gun fight because Bamford has fired a shot that I wasn’t prepared for. Below is our cordial conversation on February 14th, one day before D-day

As you can see I was VERY hesitant trying to figure out the specifics behind this strange inquiry especially because of our tumultuous relationship up to this point. But Bamford was able to convince me by telling me he was working for the ISFL weekly mirror. I had seen the work they had done up to that point and I was very impressed with their level of journalism so I was more than happy to spill the beans and put my heart and soul into what it meant to be the face of the new kicker movement.
So imagine my surprise when one day later I read the article and get to the section about the kicker movement. At first, all is well and they echo my sentiment and ambitions for the kicker movement and the evils that have been out to get me from the start but then in the last paragraph of the second section regarding the kicker movement doubt creeps in “Sources speak of nefarious activities orchestrated by Xystarch, involving kicking flaming footballs through the windows of the Head Office under the cloak of night! The dreaded Molotov Footballs, as they've been dubbed, have stirred a cauldron of controversy, raising questions about the true intentions behind the kicker movement”. 
The article goes on to report on even more completely unsubstantiated allegations against my character and myself as a person so I am here to address them RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. SO BUDGET TMZ….LET ME TALK TO YA. First off I am being FRAMED for something I did not do. I do not even know how to make a Molotov nor have the accuracy right now to kick a ball through a window if I tried. 
The second allegation calling me a terrorist and out to get HO is….somewhat true but who isn’t trying to take down the HO I mean come on let’s be honest all of us just involuntarily raised our hand. Probably even people in the HO raised their hands. 
Moving on to the third allegation saying I use intimidation tactics to get games to go in my favor umm….Have you A: seen how I’ve been kicking recently and B: seen how my team has been doing recently? That should give you your answer regarding that blatantly false allegation. 
And regarding the claim to kick Venus Powers out of the Hall of Fame? Hell yeah! To have her be a representation of what a kicker should be is an insult to all the current and past kickers who won’t make the hall of fame. She bullied and likely bribed her way into the hall of fame. But it is our hatred for each other that makes me believe that VENUS POWERS IS THE CULPRIT BEHIND THESE DASTARDLY MOLOTOV FOOTBALLS. SHE NOT ONLY HATES ME AND HAS MOTIVE TO TRY AND FRAME ME BUT SHE HAS ALSO CONSTANTLY BEEN A THORN IN THE HOs SIDE CONSTANTLY ARGUING OVER RULES ESPECIALLY REGARDING THE AWARDS COMMITTEE.
So writers of the ISFL Weekly Mirror you better be reading this because this is the so called “TRUTH  behind these shocking claims” and if you don’t respect this then you will be breaking your so called “ eternal pursuit of noble journalistic integrity” that I have no faith or trust in whatsoever.

With that out in the open it is time to quickly talk about the Cape Town game that was the first game I have not been able to watch in a long time. The only thing I have to say about this game is something my 9 year old cousin so eloquently put:


Bye to losers

The End…for now…
*Love you Mega Tron and Bamford

Side note: While I’m being a narcissistic asshole online my 9 year old cousin is over here *checks notes* “rizzing” girls up left and right at hockey games. Just wandering into the middle of student sections and becoming the leader before I can even figure out what’s going on.

[Assistant to the POR GM]

I just gave them the interview, anything else is not my fault

[lock180]

I just gave them the interview, anything else is not my fault

Negligence is the rust of the soul, that corrodes through all her best resolves


tell your boss to talk to me when they are ready for the truth

[homercrates]

The rise of Zen

[shahdude]

Second time in two weeks we’ve had unsubstantiated reports out of the weekly mirror. First Riggins now the innocent God of Kickers?!?!