12-08-2023, 05:16 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-14-2023, 01:43 PM by lemonoppy. Edited 1 time in total.)
Look, I’m a nice guy! It’s who I am! All this nonsense you’ve seen about me in this league going on crazy rants…..that’s not me! That being said, I think I may have been too kind in my last article on this subject so no more Mr. Nice Guy. That’s right Queen Baron you got all your compliments in your last article if you want to reminisce about how great you are go read the last article cause there will be no pauses to talk about how great you are this time around. I thought I was doing you a favor but you laugh in my face once more? No, no, no, no, no! That is not how this is supposed to go. I am supposed to be laughing in YOUR face you greedy, egotistical, grudge holding b……………..person
*That being said if I do go too far just lmk and I can take it down this is all meant to be friendly banter and not to be taken seriously after all it would seem Baron and I are one and the same.
RECAP
In case you missed part 1 I would suggest reading it as it is pretty helpful in understanding why I’m going on and on about how awful Baron1898 is. It is a short little article that shouldn’t take you too long and is the basis for what I will be talking about today. So where did we leave off? Well, we established that Baron is an angry person, who is desperate for attention, and has no ability to work with a team. We learned this through her first player Morgan Marshall who she gave up on because of a lack of those three traits from others. Now we look ahead at someone who pains me to talk about. Somehow, someway I have fallen into Baron1898’s trap. I don’t know how she saw nearly 30 seasons into the future but she did so now I have to talk about….
Venus’ Vendetta (IDK it’s alliteration just roll with it)
Baron1898 had given up on Marshall so early that she began doing PT tasks from the point of view of Venus instead of Marshall despite him still playing in the league and MAKING IT TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP. In fact, her first PT task was in regards to what she would do on Halloween where she states that she doesn’t dress up for Halloween (probably because she is scary enough with a mask off. Okay that was a low blow I take that one back). More notably she describes the attributes she likes in a scary movie which I can’t help but to see in her own personality. Things like “devolves into insanity” really fit the bill when we talk about the Evil Queen Baron.
Baron1898 took a step back from the league and realized how grim her situation was. She had lost all respect after retiring only 4 seasons into her career and she needed to find a way to get that respect back. This all began with a good backstory. You know how on America’s Got Talent they only show the acts that have some kind of sob story? Well, Baron decided this would be the best way to get renewed sympathy for herself and her new player. I won’t go into details because *YAWN* no one cares but just know that she was using every tool at her disposal to become the darling of the rookie class. Baron thought to herself “What is the most innocent player I can “create” and came up with kicker Venus Powers. A genius move if you think about it. Or even if you don’t think about it it’s kind of a no brainer.
Softest player on the team and far removed from any “teamwork” Baron and Venus don’t have to worry about building relationships with people she hates like she attempted and failed to do last time. Instead, she can kick balls all by her lonesome. Sit on a bench all by herself. Make every game all about herself without the scrutiny she would have received at just about every other position.
The Baronverse
Not only has Baron created a player revolving all around the idea of “Me. Me. Me.” but she has created her own multiverse within the ISFL I mean how cringe is that? Even more cringe than me using the word cringe three times in a matter of seconds. She has created this multiverse by having Venus Powers’ father, Simon, become a ticket holder in the San Antonio Marshals. She is still desperately, DESPERATELY trying to become famous within the San Antonio Marshalls franchise and it just. Isn’t. Working! Despite this she continues to shove this multiverse down our throats (what a weird word so hard to spell) by having Venus go to “an open practice for the Marshals next door, who had just come off the 13-1 season of “Marshal Law”. It was in this time that Venus met with team kicker Spencer Lawes and running back Morgan Marshall”. Still living in the past are we Queen Baron? We all know how Mogan’s career ended, don’t we? But oh no! More drama for one of Baron1898’s players! Venus Powers tears her ACL in college but somehow, SOMEHOW made the All-MWC Second Team. Likely story. Give me a break we have all seen how Florida State ended up once their “star” player got hurt. Out of the playoffs and out of the running for any other awards so Powers should have been the same (this theme of randomly getting awards for her players would continue throughout her career). Then in her final season of college, she gets every single award imaginable. I like to compare this to North Korea giving their generals a bazillion medals for sitting at a table and just simply not dying because that is what I feel Baron1898 did for Venus Powers.
*I AM NOT COMPARING BARON1898 TO KIM JONG UN THAT IS NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING
Okay, maybe a bad comparison so I’m just going to stop talking about it.
What I will talk about is the hilarity that would occur as we approached the DSFL draft. Baron1898 has some kind of weird fetish with the San Antonio Marshals (don’t ask me why, just know that it is true) and because of this her world up to this point revolves around them. Whether it is like a child imprinting on their parents where Baron’s first team was the Marshals so she imprinted on them, whether it was her naming her first player after them, whether it was her trying to force “Marshall Law” to be a thing with the Marshals, whether it was her thinking she fit in with the “cool kid” hall of farmers on the Marshals I’m not sure. What I do know is Venus Powers’ origin story revolves around the Marshals. As mentioned previously, Venus Powers’ father had season tickets to their games but here’s the….KICKER (get it cause Venus is a kicker); it’s season 19 and for the uninformed, it is an important season in the DSFL for the Marshals because they were…RELOCATING! Yes, that is right. Baron’s love of her life the San Antonio Marshals was being stolen away, much like the Grinch stealing presents from Cindy Loo Who, and off they went to the cold north in Minnesota. Baron responded exactly as I suspected she would put on the waterworks and try to use her power to her advantage by first posting an “Opinion” letter to the San Antonio organization then posting a comment on the message from the post office saying “There’s so much history in San Antonio being disrupted. They may be the team in Minnesota now, but they don’t belong there, no matter how much anyone likes the name or logo. It’s just really sad”. It’s funny looking at this because Venus and Baron are so used to getting their way. No matter what it is Baron always gets what she wants even if it’s an unpopular opinion which it certainly was at the time. Scrolling through the 6 PAGES of comments there was overwhelming positivity about the relocation and rebrand. Everyone was excited…..except Baron.
(Not so) Humble Beginnings
Before all this happened Venus Powers was selected by the Norfolk Seawolves after the DSFL trade deadline (remember the Morgan Marshall problems have allowed this to happen). Her first of just two games played in that season was a brutal beatdown 41-0 where she missed her only attempt. Then her second game she saw greater success knocking down both field goal attempts and scoring two extra points on the way to a 34-20 loss. Keep this in mind moving forward because this is a story about power and control. As we go through Venus Powers’ history we will see this motif pop up time and time again of HER having success but not her TEAM having success. It’s almost like everywhere she goes turns to….mold. It’s well documented how little she cared about her first ISFL team why would we expect that to change this time around? Oh, wait. We don’t. And once again, it’s already been proven. She wants no part of Norfolk moving forward because of their lack of success
*Side Note: Most of what I write is bullshit. Let me rephrase that. The numbers and overall career path as I talk in the context of Baron1898 is all true. However, all these random personality traits and conjectures about how awful Baron is are completely made up. Maybe she is an awful person I don’t know her personally…except I do. The more I make things up the more things start to become true. The more I write about Baron the more I BECOME Baron. I wrote that last paragraph on the fly talking about how Baron hated Norfolk and wanted out as soon as possible due to their lack of success but the funny thing is, I wrote that before reading through Baron’s post history. And now as I go back through, I was completely right. In PT Task 1 of season 19, she literally says “Venus Powers spent the entire offseason with her Portland Python teammates, which she described as a major step up from the comparatively dismal culture of the doomed Norfolk Seawolves”. She hated Norfolk and I could sense it. Oh god, what have I become? Am I Baron1898?
As I was saying she left Norfolk because she hated them for really no reason and goes to San Antonio on her hands and knees begging them to select her. Not wanting to touch her with a 10 foot pole San Antonio rebrands, changes their name, and moves locations to the opposite side of the United States to try and avoid Baron as much as possible. And it appears to work. Venus Powers and her father cancel their season tickets and declare they are willing to be selected to any team not just the Marshals. Oh yeah, that was another (one of many) toxic traits I forgot to mention. Baron was flexing Venus’ power early by REFUSING to be drafted by any team besides the Marshals. That’s right the user that had their player quit 4 SEASONS IN was making demands to be on the same team she had exhibited TOXIC behavior to. And with the draft fast approaching it was time for Baron’s annual “all about me draft breakdown” which was really just an article to stroke her own ego. Talking about being the highest TPE earner in the class (how’d that go with Marshall?) and of course, talking about all her fake awards and medals she has received in college. All in all Baron had come out of the gate firing once more. She was officially the evil Queen up in her ivory tower unable to think about her impact on other teams and players. She was top dog and no one could tell her otherwise.
Except she wasn’t top dog, because in a fun little twist of fate and one last fuck you to the player that had lied, cheated, and stole from an impressive franchise, the San Antonio Minnesota Grey Duck Marshals refused to select her in the DSFL draft. But they didn’t simply refuse to select her, because they could have easily gone the whole draft without selecting a kicker, no, they selected a kicker, one pick before she would go off the board…in the fifth round no less. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Everyone, including the team that she used to play for, was hesitant about what form of the Queen they were going to get. The Pythons would select Venus Powers with the next pick and would get a dedicated player, unlike the Marshals and Wraiths before them, but that dedication would be taken to new extremes. While Marshall showed no care or effort for his team, Powers would unleash her power on the rest of the team putting a stranglehold on them and refusing to let go. Whereas Marshall walked away from his team, Powers understood something. In fact, it was said by the creator of the player herself regarding Marshall. She had created Marshall not to exist in the game to be a number but to win INDIVIDUAL awards. And now she had created a kicker to do just that. No one is more alone on the field than a kicker, She didn’t care about winning (maybe she did a little bit) but she wanted to make the record books. And this would mean not scoring touchdowns, but settling for field goals. She had created a one (wo)man army. She could ignore her teammates and push her agenda. Because unlike running back where she had to rely on a quarterback to give her the ball. There was no one but her leg and the ball in front of her. She wanted the glory, and she wanted it all….to herself.
Taking Control
If this were some kind of podcast or video now would be the time I would have played the sound of a record scratch *INSERT RECORD SCRATCH SOUND EFFECT HERE* because while she wanted all the glory for herself (not herschel stupid autocorrect) she would have to first go through Diego Espinosa who was selected in season 17 to the Coyotes before somehow magically showing up on the Pythons in season 19. Okay maybe it wasn’t magic but I don’t have the time to figure out how it happened by finding his profile (he doesn’t have a wiki) on the website scrolling through transactions, or whatever other ideas you IDIOTS have in mind. He seems like an interesting character. Bounced around to three separate ISFL teams according to wolfiebot and didn’t play awful. Honestly probably more entertaining than the dull and boring Venus Powers that I have to somehow make exciting. It probably took Diego so long to get to the ISFL because as soon as Venus Powers entered the Portland locker room she took all of Diego’s stuff shipped it to NASA and sent it to the moon. Okay, that didn’t really happen but what DID happen was Venus asserting her POWER (I will be using this literary device quite a lot so you better get used to it) to become kicker number 1 on the team despite Diego having already been in the league for two seasons. She relegated Diego to punting duties while the Queen took all the field goals and extra points to herself.
Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man sometimes you look ahead at something and can’t help but to laugh. I was thinking “I wonder….” “Let me check…” “HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA” so just know you have that to look forward to fairly soon. I don’t really know why I told you this when I could just write a paragraph explaining the next part of this story instead of blathering on and on about something that will be funny in the future but has no context now….Let’s just say it’s foreshadowing and move on.
The first and only season for Venus Powers in the DSFL was great. Now that she had successfully removed Diego from the equation she could take all the glory for herself. She went 21/24 on field goals with a 47 yard long (weak), and 39/42 on the easiest points you could ever score (the extra point). Just for a completely random comparison to see how that stacks up to some of the greats in the league, we will just take a random kicker from the season 43 DSFL class from I don’t know I guess we can use the Bucs for a frame of reference since that isn’t one of the teams Venus or Marshall had been on. So let’s see his stats 26/33 with a 56 yard long (wow super strong and even made multiple 50 yarders!) and 36/37 on extra points. So all in all it doesn’t look like Venus is all that great if we are being honest. But the power was already getting to Venus’ head in a PT Task talking about the Portland stadium Baron went on the record saying this “Hours before the games start, fans can be seen flooding the Snake Pit parking lot with tailgating galore, including some unique cultural influences from the team’s star players (Posta à Mirandesa and other Portuguese flavors from Jay Cue, fluffy tacos from San Antonio to honor Venus Powers, etc.)”. To HONOR Venus Powers. Baron acts as if Venus Powers is some kind of god that her fanbase should be worshiping or something. Give me a break Baron check your ego at the door why don’t you? No one is eating fluffy tacos in your name fluffy tacos are just a tasty snack.
Okay, so my computer just crashed not sure if it was because my comparison was too harsh or if it was because I claimed to have kicker multi’s on Discord or for some other reason but don’t worry folks all of my writing was saved because I’m not stupid and I know how to properly back my stuff up so you are still seeing the RAW, UNFILTERED, TRUTH about the evil Queen Baron1898. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Venus Powers SUCKS! Is what I’m thinking but unfortunately is not true at least as far as her kicking ability is concerned. The rest is….questionable. But for now, Venus Powers is NOT the top kicker in the DSFL. No *checks notes* this can’t be! How?! Venus Powers has all the power in her hands! How is she not the best kicker? It’s because of the results I showed earlier. She performed decently but nowhere near pro bowl status. I mean, whoever that kicker was that I was comparing Powers to, now that is a pro bowl and future hall of famer if I’ve ever seen one. Venus played fine I’m not going to knock her for that. She did lose the kicker of the year award though and as we talked about earlier, was one of the sole reasons for creating Powers. So she could be the Queen of the kickers and have all the accolades for herself. Who needs a good offense or even a good defense when you have Queen Baron’s Venus Powers on your team? Well, apparently that would have been helpful to the Pythons who went a respectable 8-6 but had a worse record than….San Antonio Marshals come on down! Oh sorry I mean Minnesota Grey Ducks come on down! The very team that Venus Powers had sworn off after they had betrayed her had beaten her team. The team that had selected a different kicker one pick before she had beaten her team, the team that her former player had great success with had beaten her own team and once again the fault lied in our stars. Sorry no, uh the fault lied in Venus Powers lust for power. Her power over her team had forced them into taking field goals they didn’t need to be taking and now the team she had wanted to be on so badly, the team that she was going to refuse calls from any other team was now refusing her own calls for help. In fact, they stared her in the face in disgust…. quite literally. The Grey Ducks and Pythons met each other in the first round of the playoffs and Powers felt she had something to prove against the team she used to call home. She was as consistent as ever hitting a lone field goal and going 2/2 on extra points. But on the other side was the kicker drafted one pick ahead of her and for good reason. Silver Banana went 3/3 on field goals and 3/3 on extra points completely 1 upping Venus’ pathetic performance because for as good as Venus was her team was not. She hadn’t stopped to think about her team when getting drafted. She was only in it for herself after all. And this led to a devastating 27-30 defeat against the Grey Ducks who would go on to win an Ultimini one game later. That’s right, if she would have stuck to her team and refused to get drafted by anyone else she likely would have won the ultimini. Instead, she chased individual accolades and failed to get those too. Her noncommitment to the team, a team, any team was ever prevalent and proved to be her ultimate downfall. She would go on to be completely committed to a team in the very near future but that was to push her own agenda. An agenda of power and greed with no thought of how it may affect her team.
Power: what she wanted was power. With power comes control. They go hand and hand in my opinion. So what the hell is wrong with Venus Powers that is so problematic? How can it be that Venus will go 10 seasons with two teams and not even sniff an ultimus? She’s in the hall of fame after all so she clearly CANT be the problem. But what if she is? Ultimus’ are won by the team, not the individual. Individual stats are great and all but should team success not be attributed to the player as well? You may argue for example in baseball wins and losses for a pitcher shouldn’t be held against them if they have a great ERA and while that may be true that lack of space in the column labeled with a W is a key factor in hall of fame eligibility. So let me say this right now before we get into Venus Powers’ history in the ISFL, Venus Powers does NOT belong in the hall of fame.
The Hall of Frauds
Why does a 4x ISFL Pro Bowl Punter, 3x ISFL Pro Bowl Kicker, 2x ISFL Punter of the Year, 2x ISFL Kicker of the Year, and at the time of her retirement ISFL Record - Most Consecutive Games w/o a Missed Kick, ISFL Record - Most Consecutive Kicks w/o a Miss, ISFL 4th all-time FGM, ISFL 4th all-time FGA, ISFL 9th all-time FG%, ISFL 9th all-time most XPM, ISFL 10th all-time most XPA, ISFL 8th all-time punts, ISFL 9th all-time YDS, ISFL 8th all-time punts inside 20, ISFL 6th all-time points not belong in the half of Fame? One word: Greed. You will not hear me mention the playoffs very much in this article and for good reason. You don’t rack up these numbers by being a team player. We knew Baron1898 wasn’t a team player from her first player Morgan Marshall but we are about to see her take it to a whole other level. While I don’t know the middle name of Venus Powers I would not be surprised if it was “Greed”. From the very beginning, all the way back in her college days when she was chasing individual records all the way through her 10 season ISFL career she refused to play the team game. How is a kicker truly great if they haven’t won anything? Records are meant to be broken because they lead to greater success but Venus was breaking records and having the opposite effect. Is that hall of fame worthy? I looked at the season 36 2051 hall of fame ballot. In fact, I did a whole article on how to get into the hall of fame so I’m more well versed than most in this area. But I mention this ballot because two people on the committee agreed with me. 2 out of the 9 committee members said that Venus Powers DOES NOT deserve to be in the hall of fame. Venus Powers only received 7 of the 9 committee votes. Unfortunately, this was enough to put her through but if I had been on that committee she would not be in the hall of fame today. I probably should have placed this segment at the end of the article but it was hot in my head and I can’t go back now but I will hurry on to her ACTUAL career in one second. There is just one last thing I would like to mention regarding Venus Powers hall of fame bid. She made it receiving 7 of the 9 votes. Whatever. In the induction ceremony they say “Powers enters an exclusive group of hall of fame kickers and while the bar is high, she sailed over it like her many kicks” She sailed over it like her many kicks? She barely sailed over the flippin flappy bird crossbar! And this, THIS NEXT BIT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS. I said earlier I wouldn’t be talking about the playoffs much because she DIDNT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS MUCH. In fact, she played in a grand total of FOUR playoff games in 10 seasons. Making it to the postseason just 3 times. And they have the AUDACITY to credit her with records like “#7 Career P Avg (48.50), #4 Career P In20Rate (0.50), #1 Career K FGPct (1.00). WELL YEA NO DUH SHE MADE 100% OF HER FIELD GOALS SHE ONLY KICKED 9 IN HER ENTIRE CAREER. I could go on for hours talking about how undeserving she is of the hall of fame but this article is already 3500 words? Holy Guacamole that’s a lot more than I expected at this point. So with that being said let’s complain some more!
The Award Committee
Sorry, you are going to have to wait a little longer to get to the ISFL draft because we have some truly psychotic behavior from Baron1898. Remember when I said some of her descriptions in her Halloween PT Task describe herself more than she may know? Well, that is certainly the case as far as “devolves into insanity” is concerned. We are now in season 19 but we are going to time travel back to season 14 where Morgan Marshall had arguably the best season of his career and won running back of the year. But Baron has arrived 5 seasons later in a rule proposal asking for an award committee to which she responds “Sign me up for the awards committee. I should’ve won S14 DSFL MVP over Gump goddamnit”. And I just did the math and….yeah, I was going to roast her for living in the past but looking at the stats I don’t see how Marshall didn’t win MVP it honestly isn’t really close. And as an ethical writer, I will be keeping this paragraph in here because even I can be wrong sometimes. Which is more honest than Baron1898 will ever be. This proposal also did not pass and Baron was not too happy in fact releasing her own article on why it should pass. When I told Baron to stop hanging on to the past I didn’t think I’d be talking about this but here we are ( I honestly agree a committee of some sort should have been created but that doesn’t fit my hate on Baron agenda so pretend I didn’t say that).
Continuing off this topic of the awards committee a secret group of ISFL members formed a five person awards committee and created a media piece describing the top players from every position. Funnily enough, the first award on the list was Kicker of the Year and I’m sad to report that our favorite protagonist/antagonist/anti-hero (not the song. Not everything revolves around you Swifties out there) was not even on the ballot instead Vince Hammerson, Jordan Jackson, and the kicker that was picked one spot before Powers Silver Banana were on the ballot. This took Baron’s anger to heights I have yet to see up to this point. So far, I have seen Baron angry, disappointed, and disgusted to varying levels but this random committee unleashed a fury of a thousand suns from Baron1898 who responded “Seriously what the fuck. How in the world do you even justify including Silver Banana and Vince Hammerson as nominees and not include Venus Powers? Like that’s beyond my personal bias, that’s complete bullshit”. Baron, who had championed a petition to get a new awards committee had now seen a new supposed unbiased third party awards committee created only for them to ALSO leave her without even a mention. The Evil Queen was without power. She sat on a throne of lies and her world was coming crashing down. To make matters worse the man she had forced out of primary kicking duties, Mr. Diego Espinosa? He was honored to be on the ballot for punter of the year but he not only was nominated, he won. So to recap, Baron had championed a petition to create a new awards committee and while that had not happened, a third party unofficial committee had been created and they had shut her out of not only winning but also even being nominated. To add to this, the kicker drafted one spot before her to her former favorite team ended up winning the award. To add to this EVEN FURTHER, the man she pushed out of a job despite doing nothing wrong ends up winning punter of the year. All of these confounding variables stacked one on top of each other was bringing Baron closer and closer to pure insanity. The evil Queen was no longer just evil. She was becoming the Evil MAD Queen and the league was soon to see her wrath.
Press Conference
And now it is time for Venus Powers press conference which is one of my favorite things Baron does with her players because I get the luxury of hindsight and see how wrong she ends up being! Also, I get to see how unhinged and unfiltered she becomes as her insanity only continues to grow, and let me tell you, this one might have set some kind of record with the amount of bridges she’s burned. As someone who has burned a few bridges in my time, I appreciate that she doesn’t give a fuck, and is one record I will willingly allow her to keep. So let’s get into some of her responses to her pre draft presser. Oof, there’s a lot to go through so we will go through them one by one.
“Drafting a kicker high is a stigma. It’s stupid but it’s how it is. I’ve undoubtedly proven myself to be one of the top talents in the draft, both on and off the field, so I’m playing it by ear and showing appropriate interest in any non-Chicago franchise that’s willing to take a chance on me”.
One of the “top talents” of the draft…we’ve heard that one before haven’t we Baron? This exert is taken from a similar presser with Morgan Marshall as the player; “I am confident that I am good enough to be a franchise star in the right situation, especially after a season or two more of training. You will not find a better starter in this draft”. While this quote will end up coming true regarding Powers, it shows her lack of humility to her fellow kickers some of whom were better than her in the season previous.
“Don’t be Chicago. Have you seen that team? It’s a toxic environment and I’m willing to be literally anywhere else. The only other real requirements I have are that I get the starting job and that the team is ready and willing to make plans for competing for a title. I want a title goddamnit”
There are a few glaring problems with this quote. First of all, and I don’t know the context of a toxic environment in Chicago so this may be true but this begins her rampage of hating everything and everyone. If you are not Venus Powers reincarnated you better get the hell out of the way because she is not holding back on anything or anyone. The next thing to mention is that starting job line. We’ve heard that one before too on a previous player “I do not want to spend a good portion of my prime years as a backup on a team whose established starter has another five to six years left before I can take their place”. She is ready for another hostile takeover. Much like she did in Portland to poor Diego she will do it again to whatever veteran kicker is on the team she ends up getting drafted to. And finally, she wants to win a title. She wants to WIN A TITLE. SHE WANTS TO WIN A TITLE. Well, Venus Powers, I’m happy to report you won’t come close to even sniffing an Ultimus much less winning one. And it’s this very attitude that will prevent it from happening. You can have ALL the individual awards in the world but the one award that truly matters will forever escape you.
“ In the Ultimini…. who I am rooting for? Definitely….Tijuana. Not because I like Tijuana. I despise Tijuana. If you found a list of “Top Three Anti-Tijuana Users” I’d probably be on there. But if you found a list of “Top One Anti-Minnesota Users” you’d find my name on there circled in red sharpie.”.
So far the hate list has extended to the Chicago Butchers, Tijuana Luchadores, Minnesota Grey Ducks, the awards committee, half of the entire ISFL, etc, etc, etc. It must be exhausting hating all of these things. How do you keep track of all this? Just kidding I can relate….I’m looking at you @crazytomato.
In response to the question “What are your thoughts on this new revolutionary Kicker by Committee? Should it be utilized by other teams? Did you enjoy being apart of it?” she responds “It was fun, in a sorta “this’ll certainly keep my legs fresh” way but also in a “this is definitely a one time thing” way…. I do want to be a great career punter as well, not just a place kicker, so even though I’d say I enjoyed it this year I’d really rather not ever again”
Add another member to the Venus Powers hate list featuring poor poor Diego. He didn’t do anything wrong but Venus still hates his guts “I’d really rather not ever again” is a nice way of saying I fucking hate that Diego guy for even existing on the same team as me much less stealing punting away from me. The true victim blaming going on here is crazy from her. It’s always the people with the most power that feel they are being prejudiced against the most Ms. Venus Powers. Maybe it is time to look yourself in the mirror and see if YOU are the problem.
In response to “Since I play for Tijuana do you hate me?” she responds “Yes, you are a Luchadore and thus you suck. Scorp is a Luchadore and thus he sucks. But also scorp sucks anyway. Scorp sucks lmao. I’m pretty sure he’s the only person with a dedicated discord server documenting his stupidest typos”
We add another member the the Venus Powers power trip this time the victim is Scorp who seemed like a lovely guy but I will admit after scouring the archives it does appear he made quite a few typos. However, that is no reason to hate a teammate. I mean I have to deal with Thor Dangerson for crying out loud. Do you know how hard it can be to decipher his messages at times and you don’t see me complaining about it….
and last but not least “goddamn woodchucks are just a race of spineless, incompetent nitwits”.
The final victims of Venus Powers Power Trip Presser are the poor innocent woodchucks. Venus uses some violent words to describe these completely innocent creatures who are just trying to live their lives. But this shows just how hungry Venus is to have complete power over not just the ISFL but the entire world.
Mock(ing) Drafts
With that presser out of the way (thank goodness), we can move to how analysts viewed Venus’ stock going into the draft and while overall it was good she did ruffle a few feathers. You see, Jay Doctor had created three separate mock drafts throughout the season 19 regular season and offseason. And in this time, while still expected to go early, Venus dropped from predicted going 8th overall, to 12th, and finally to 13th overall. If I were her I would have been excited to be predicted to go that early. But Venus isn’t like the rest of us. That ego, that power, that control, that desperation has her angry at anything that moves as she responds “My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined”. She can be angry all she wants about moving back to 13th in the draft but the problem I have with this is she makes a first rounder prediction predicting who will go off the board in the first 10 picks and she doesn’t pick herself! You may be saying to yourself, “wow she’s grown so much! She’s learned some humility!”. To which I will shut that down right now. In a matter of 4 days, she went from criticizing a mock draft for not having her in the first round, to ALSO not taking herself in the first round acting like nothing even happened. This is how Venus and Baron act around everything. Contradictions left and right anyway to knock others down a peg so that she can assert full control over the situation.
Tampering
This CAN NOT BE HAPPENING AGAIN. One time is a happy little accident but TWO TIMES? NO NO NO NO NO NO! As part of my very in depth research (this actually isn’t a joke I spend way too long not doing my actual job and instead finding random tidbits about Baron1898) I went to the ISFL Youtube page to check out the live draft for season 20 and ONCE AGAIN, EXACTLY like Morgan Marshall’s seasons, the season 20 draft doesn’t exist. But unlike Marshall’s seasons where 3 or 4 seasons were not posted season 19 WAS posted and so was season 21! How in the world do you just skip past only one season of the ISFL draft unless there is some sabotaging going on from Venus Powers. But this isn’t the only questionable thing about the circumstances surrounding the season 20 draft because while the ISFL draft was not posted, the DSFL Draft WAS. That is right, Baron1898 had somehow destroyed the tapes to Morgan Marshall’s entire career and had now successfully destroyed the tapes to her draft into the ISFL with Venus Powers. Baron1898 should be locked up for tampering and required to write a 1000 word article about how sorry she is that she accidently didn’t give last season’s Gemini Award to me.
The Big Day
So what actually happened in the season 20 ISFL draft? Well Venus Powers, as many had predicted, did not go first off the board nor did she go in the first round. But eventually, with the fourth pick in the second round, going 13th overall Venus Powers was taken off the board by her new team, the Philadelphia Liberty. Why are there so many damn vowels in Philadelphia? It’s impossible to spell right I can’t figure out if an a goes there or an i or an e they all just jumble together. And I will have you know I failed to spell it correctly 2 out of 3 times (thanks for letting me down autocorrect). While Venus did end up being the first kicker off the board, she was taken to a team with very little success as of late. They hadn’t had a winning season in four seasons but despite this Venus seemed happy for the most part. That should have raised alarm bells immediately for the Liberty but they were happy with getting a new kicker and didn’t know about Baron, or Morgan Marshall, or the power of Venus. But they would learn soon enough because it was nearing the time for her hostile takeover. All of the words Venus spoke were smoke and mirrors. I’m a team player she says. I want to win an Ultimus she says. I’m willing to help the team she says. But none of these statements are true. She had arrived in the ISFL to take complete control even if that meant losing a ton of games in the process. Which is exactly what happened.
After signing a 3 year contract with two mutual options (once more….control) and having a no trade clause to the Chicago Butchers (seriously what did they do to Baron for her to make an NTC to the Butchers?! I mean Morgan Marshall didn’t seem to have a grudge against them and Baron and Venus only started having a problem with them recently despite not doing anything to warrant this hate. Unless I’m missing something this is completely uncalled for and truly exhibits the careless attitude Venus has for everyone except herself. I mean sure they were in a rebuild but spoiler alert Ms. Venus Powers, you aren’t going to a much better team) she was officially ready to play in the ISFL. She also gloats in her wiki about taking a minimum contract but I think this was likely Phili telling her her true worth to the team and not something she actually got to decide.
Venus the Rookie Mentor
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay as soon as I saw this PT Task I knew it was going to be pure gold and I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO correct it isn’t even funny. Okay, it’s actually REALLY funny but that’s besides the point. What is the PT Task you are asking yourself? Well, young padawan let me tell you. The PT Task puts the user in the place of a rookie mentor and asks them what they would tell rookies. Baron1898 as a rookie mentor is LAUGHABLE at the very least and her answer is exactly why. First of all she says she can offer valuable advice to the rookies (yeah right). But this next part………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. I’m sorry it is so hard for me to control myself I had to step away from my keyboard for a second. This next part is Batshit crazy coming from the user we know and love as Baron1898 so here’s the quote “I think that this will also stress the importance of teamwork and fair play to the rookies. Many a team culture has been crippled by showboating or selfish actions - it’s a team sport, and individual heroics always come after the success of the team itself”. What have I been writing about this ENTIRE TIME? Baron’s lack of teamwork, giving herself unequal playing opportunities, teams being crippled by HER selfish actions, individual heroics getting in the way of her team….EVERYTHING Baron has been up to this point and the future is founded on the opposite of what she says in this quote. It is BANANAS. I truly have no words to go into detail about this. I’m so dumbfounded by this response. Baron’s players have been the antithesis of this very quote and yet she spreads it like it is the gospel. The one part that I would really like to focus in on (even though I’d love to talk about all of it for the rest of time) is the individual heroics getting in the way of the team part of that quote. We didn’t see that much in Morgan Marshall but as highlighted in why Venus Powers shouldn’t be in the hall of fame, Venus would provide a perfect example of this trait. So as we move forward just think about this quote from time to time and wonder to yourself “Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy?”.
Old Friends
Isn’t it great when puzzle pieces just come together? I will leave this quote from my previous article about Baron here “this new up-and-coming rookie that led the ISFL in attempts and yards and was third in touchdowns would become public enemy number 1 for Morgan Marshall. Sam Torenson was drafted first overall in the season 16 draft and was EVERYTHING Morgan Marshall wanted to be. Torenson ended up getting drafted first overall, was on a team that ran more than anyone in the league, was fast, strong, powerful, smart, golden boy, face of the franchise, and future hall of famer”, Why am I talking about one of Morgan Marshall’s mortal enemies? Because what goes around comes around and despite everything Baron and Marshall and Powers have tried to do, they can’t escape the truth. Torenson wasn’t simply Marshall’s rival he was what Baron had wanted her player to be. So imagine her reaction when she found out that man, future hall of famer Sam Torenson who had knocked Marshall far from the top pedestal, was now on the same team as Venus Powers. There is no reaction post or signs of disgust from the evil Queen Baron but I would suspect, upon learning she was on the same team as the man that caused so much trouble for her first player, she must have been infuriated. She would never show that however, and in her wiki would even be kind to Torenson giving him props for being so dominant on the Liberty with her. But we know the truth. We rewound the tapes and discovered the animosity and hatred toward Torenson. She may shake his hand and look him in the eyes but she’s got a knife in the other hand ready to stab him in the back at any given moment. After all, this was her team now, and she had to take control.
Season 20
And take control she did but not in the categories you would want in a team that is looking to move up in the world. They would punt the ball more than any other team giving her plenty of opportunities to show off that powerful leg of hers and she LOVED it. The offense was terrible and last in just about every statistical category but that didn’t matter to her. She owned the field and for the first time in her players career she had power and control over an ISFL football team. She ended the season a perfect 23/23 on extra points but was a terrible field goal kicker hitting just 23 of 29 field goals on the season. But that didn’t matter to Powers. This season, she was focused on punting. She had every single punter beat when it came to total punts, total yards, average yards, and kicks inside the 20. She was Iowa before Iowa was Iowa. And she knew the power she had over the team and when writing a PT Task regarding award season she said “Now, time for a little self promotion, but I am not afraid of saying that Venus Powers absolutely has Punter of the Year wrapped up with her name on it. No one else even sniffs it”. Ah Ms. Venus Powers, if only you knew what was coming.
The Liberty went 5-8 on the season and made the playoffs only because 8 out of 10 teams made the playoffs for some reason back then. Needless to say, they got blasted out of the airlock in the first round and I hardly count that as making the playoffs especially when you are 3 games below 500. This 5-8 mark was one game better than the Chicago Butchers whom Venus Powers refused to be a part of but that isn’t the story here because we already knew Venus wasn’t going to be a team player and was more focused on her individual stats despite saying otherwise. What we don’t know about yet is that Venus had haters before even I came along. We have talked about the awards committee a few times in this article and it is time to bring them up once more. Venus, despite saying she had punter of the year wrapped up…..did not have punter of the year wrapped up. In fact, she wasn’t even on the ballot. Despite having the better stats in just about every category, Venus Powers was left off the ballot and she had had enough. She went to the ballot station and attempted to remove the votes for the eventual winner Alfredo Crisco but was caught. And in a statement by one of the award heads, he said this “Further digging alerted me to a mistake from Google Forms. Essentially, the first three ballots cast had their votes for Alfredo Crisco removed, as an error in the ballot was corrected”. He also indicated there was no foul play involved but we know the truth. We know about Venus Powers desperate need for power, control, and individual accolades. In fact, she couldn’t help but comment on this correction letter “So... how in the world did Venus Powers not even get nominated for Punter of the Year?”. To which another commenter replied, “Because nobody cares about you or the Liberty”. Oof. But at the end of the day, that’s it. That’s the answer. Venus Powers thought she had the league all figured out. She thought she could purposely end up on a bad team and rack up stats winning individual awards like getting candy on Halloween. But the league had seen enough of her shenanigans to see through her rouse and barred her from the ballot. It probably didn’t help that she had burned her relationships with the award committee multiple times already but that was just her style and why would she change now? Despite not receiving the punter of the year award Powers did end up going to the Pro Bowl but we all know our protagonist isn’t too fond of not winning an individual award so while the pro bowl was nice the thirst for vengeance was strong and she now had a serious vendetta against the entire league.
Season 21
We now move to season 21 where you thought things were bad in season 20 just wait for season 21. The Liberty would get EVEN WORSE going 3-10 tied for the worst record in the league. They were even beaten by Powers most hated team the Chicago Butchers who ended the season with a 5-8 record. But we already know that Venus didn’t care about that. She probably barely even registered they were playing the game to win. She was in her own little world going for her own individual stats. And it worked. She became the pro bowl kicker and punter for the NSFC and secured the punter of the year award that had alluded her just one season prior. While I’m not so sure the team's morale was sky high, Powers’ morale certainly was as she seemed to have found a team that appreciated her for who she was. But this was, of course, all a lie. For all the backstabbing and victim blaming Venus Powers, Morgan Marshall, and Baron1898 had done they would not be prepared for what was to come…..
To be continued……
Post Credit Scene
I talked a bit longer than I probably should have so we are splitting the story of Venus Powers into two parts! In this recent edition, we talked about the power and control Baron looked to find her player, and by the end of the article, it would seem she had finally succeeded. However, on the next edition darkness looms in the shadows with season 22 on its way that can only mean one thing…..It’s time for…..
The Expansion Draft
*That being said if I do go too far just lmk and I can take it down this is all meant to be friendly banter and not to be taken seriously after all it would seem Baron and I are one and the same.
RECAP
In case you missed part 1 I would suggest reading it as it is pretty helpful in understanding why I’m going on and on about how awful Baron1898 is. It is a short little article that shouldn’t take you too long and is the basis for what I will be talking about today. So where did we leave off? Well, we established that Baron is an angry person, who is desperate for attention, and has no ability to work with a team. We learned this through her first player Morgan Marshall who she gave up on because of a lack of those three traits from others. Now we look ahead at someone who pains me to talk about. Somehow, someway I have fallen into Baron1898’s trap. I don’t know how she saw nearly 30 seasons into the future but she did so now I have to talk about….
Venus’ Vendetta (IDK it’s alliteration just roll with it)
Baron1898 had given up on Marshall so early that she began doing PT tasks from the point of view of Venus instead of Marshall despite him still playing in the league and MAKING IT TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP. In fact, her first PT task was in regards to what she would do on Halloween where she states that she doesn’t dress up for Halloween (probably because she is scary enough with a mask off. Okay that was a low blow I take that one back). More notably she describes the attributes she likes in a scary movie which I can’t help but to see in her own personality. Things like “devolves into insanity” really fit the bill when we talk about the Evil Queen Baron.
Baron1898 took a step back from the league and realized how grim her situation was. She had lost all respect after retiring only 4 seasons into her career and she needed to find a way to get that respect back. This all began with a good backstory. You know how on America’s Got Talent they only show the acts that have some kind of sob story? Well, Baron decided this would be the best way to get renewed sympathy for herself and her new player. I won’t go into details because *YAWN* no one cares but just know that she was using every tool at her disposal to become the darling of the rookie class. Baron thought to herself “What is the most innocent player I can “create” and came up with kicker Venus Powers. A genius move if you think about it. Or even if you don’t think about it it’s kind of a no brainer.
Softest player on the team and far removed from any “teamwork” Baron and Venus don’t have to worry about building relationships with people she hates like she attempted and failed to do last time. Instead, she can kick balls all by her lonesome. Sit on a bench all by herself. Make every game all about herself without the scrutiny she would have received at just about every other position.
The Baronverse
Not only has Baron created a player revolving all around the idea of “Me. Me. Me.” but she has created her own multiverse within the ISFL I mean how cringe is that? Even more cringe than me using the word cringe three times in a matter of seconds. She has created this multiverse by having Venus Powers’ father, Simon, become a ticket holder in the San Antonio Marshals. She is still desperately, DESPERATELY trying to become famous within the San Antonio Marshalls franchise and it just. Isn’t. Working! Despite this she continues to shove this multiverse down our throats (what a weird word so hard to spell) by having Venus go to “an open practice for the Marshals next door, who had just come off the 13-1 season of “Marshal Law”. It was in this time that Venus met with team kicker Spencer Lawes and running back Morgan Marshall”. Still living in the past are we Queen Baron? We all know how Mogan’s career ended, don’t we? But oh no! More drama for one of Baron1898’s players! Venus Powers tears her ACL in college but somehow, SOMEHOW made the All-MWC Second Team. Likely story. Give me a break we have all seen how Florida State ended up once their “star” player got hurt. Out of the playoffs and out of the running for any other awards so Powers should have been the same (this theme of randomly getting awards for her players would continue throughout her career). Then in her final season of college, she gets every single award imaginable. I like to compare this to North Korea giving their generals a bazillion medals for sitting at a table and just simply not dying because that is what I feel Baron1898 did for Venus Powers.
*I AM NOT COMPARING BARON1898 TO KIM JONG UN THAT IS NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING
Okay, maybe a bad comparison so I’m just going to stop talking about it.
What I will talk about is the hilarity that would occur as we approached the DSFL draft. Baron1898 has some kind of weird fetish with the San Antonio Marshals (don’t ask me why, just know that it is true) and because of this her world up to this point revolves around them. Whether it is like a child imprinting on their parents where Baron’s first team was the Marshals so she imprinted on them, whether it was her naming her first player after them, whether it was her trying to force “Marshall Law” to be a thing with the Marshals, whether it was her thinking she fit in with the “cool kid” hall of farmers on the Marshals I’m not sure. What I do know is Venus Powers’ origin story revolves around the Marshals. As mentioned previously, Venus Powers’ father had season tickets to their games but here’s the….KICKER (get it cause Venus is a kicker); it’s season 19 and for the uninformed, it is an important season in the DSFL for the Marshals because they were…RELOCATING! Yes, that is right. Baron’s love of her life the San Antonio Marshals was being stolen away, much like the Grinch stealing presents from Cindy Loo Who, and off they went to the cold north in Minnesota. Baron responded exactly as I suspected she would put on the waterworks and try to use her power to her advantage by first posting an “Opinion” letter to the San Antonio organization then posting a comment on the message from the post office saying “There’s so much history in San Antonio being disrupted. They may be the team in Minnesota now, but they don’t belong there, no matter how much anyone likes the name or logo. It’s just really sad”. It’s funny looking at this because Venus and Baron are so used to getting their way. No matter what it is Baron always gets what she wants even if it’s an unpopular opinion which it certainly was at the time. Scrolling through the 6 PAGES of comments there was overwhelming positivity about the relocation and rebrand. Everyone was excited…..except Baron.
(Not so) Humble Beginnings
Before all this happened Venus Powers was selected by the Norfolk Seawolves after the DSFL trade deadline (remember the Morgan Marshall problems have allowed this to happen). Her first of just two games played in that season was a brutal beatdown 41-0 where she missed her only attempt. Then her second game she saw greater success knocking down both field goal attempts and scoring two extra points on the way to a 34-20 loss. Keep this in mind moving forward because this is a story about power and control. As we go through Venus Powers’ history we will see this motif pop up time and time again of HER having success but not her TEAM having success. It’s almost like everywhere she goes turns to….mold. It’s well documented how little she cared about her first ISFL team why would we expect that to change this time around? Oh, wait. We don’t. And once again, it’s already been proven. She wants no part of Norfolk moving forward because of their lack of success
*Side Note: Most of what I write is bullshit. Let me rephrase that. The numbers and overall career path as I talk in the context of Baron1898 is all true. However, all these random personality traits and conjectures about how awful Baron is are completely made up. Maybe she is an awful person I don’t know her personally…except I do. The more I make things up the more things start to become true. The more I write about Baron the more I BECOME Baron. I wrote that last paragraph on the fly talking about how Baron hated Norfolk and wanted out as soon as possible due to their lack of success but the funny thing is, I wrote that before reading through Baron’s post history. And now as I go back through, I was completely right. In PT Task 1 of season 19, she literally says “Venus Powers spent the entire offseason with her Portland Python teammates, which she described as a major step up from the comparatively dismal culture of the doomed Norfolk Seawolves”. She hated Norfolk and I could sense it. Oh god, what have I become? Am I Baron1898?
As I was saying she left Norfolk because she hated them for really no reason and goes to San Antonio on her hands and knees begging them to select her. Not wanting to touch her with a 10 foot pole San Antonio rebrands, changes their name, and moves locations to the opposite side of the United States to try and avoid Baron as much as possible. And it appears to work. Venus Powers and her father cancel their season tickets and declare they are willing to be selected to any team not just the Marshals. Oh yeah, that was another (one of many) toxic traits I forgot to mention. Baron was flexing Venus’ power early by REFUSING to be drafted by any team besides the Marshals. That’s right the user that had their player quit 4 SEASONS IN was making demands to be on the same team she had exhibited TOXIC behavior to. And with the draft fast approaching it was time for Baron’s annual “all about me draft breakdown” which was really just an article to stroke her own ego. Talking about being the highest TPE earner in the class (how’d that go with Marshall?) and of course, talking about all her fake awards and medals she has received in college. All in all Baron had come out of the gate firing once more. She was officially the evil Queen up in her ivory tower unable to think about her impact on other teams and players. She was top dog and no one could tell her otherwise.
Except she wasn’t top dog, because in a fun little twist of fate and one last fuck you to the player that had lied, cheated, and stole from an impressive franchise, the San Antonio Minnesota Grey Duck Marshals refused to select her in the DSFL draft. But they didn’t simply refuse to select her, because they could have easily gone the whole draft without selecting a kicker, no, they selected a kicker, one pick before she would go off the board…in the fifth round no less. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Everyone, including the team that she used to play for, was hesitant about what form of the Queen they were going to get. The Pythons would select Venus Powers with the next pick and would get a dedicated player, unlike the Marshals and Wraiths before them, but that dedication would be taken to new extremes. While Marshall showed no care or effort for his team, Powers would unleash her power on the rest of the team putting a stranglehold on them and refusing to let go. Whereas Marshall walked away from his team, Powers understood something. In fact, it was said by the creator of the player herself regarding Marshall. She had created Marshall not to exist in the game to be a number but to win INDIVIDUAL awards. And now she had created a kicker to do just that. No one is more alone on the field than a kicker, She didn’t care about winning (maybe she did a little bit) but she wanted to make the record books. And this would mean not scoring touchdowns, but settling for field goals. She had created a one (wo)man army. She could ignore her teammates and push her agenda. Because unlike running back where she had to rely on a quarterback to give her the ball. There was no one but her leg and the ball in front of her. She wanted the glory, and she wanted it all….to herself.
Taking Control
If this were some kind of podcast or video now would be the time I would have played the sound of a record scratch *INSERT RECORD SCRATCH SOUND EFFECT HERE* because while she wanted all the glory for herself (not herschel stupid autocorrect) she would have to first go through Diego Espinosa who was selected in season 17 to the Coyotes before somehow magically showing up on the Pythons in season 19. Okay maybe it wasn’t magic but I don’t have the time to figure out how it happened by finding his profile (he doesn’t have a wiki) on the website scrolling through transactions, or whatever other ideas you IDIOTS have in mind. He seems like an interesting character. Bounced around to three separate ISFL teams according to wolfiebot and didn’t play awful. Honestly probably more entertaining than the dull and boring Venus Powers that I have to somehow make exciting. It probably took Diego so long to get to the ISFL because as soon as Venus Powers entered the Portland locker room she took all of Diego’s stuff shipped it to NASA and sent it to the moon. Okay, that didn’t really happen but what DID happen was Venus asserting her POWER (I will be using this literary device quite a lot so you better get used to it) to become kicker number 1 on the team despite Diego having already been in the league for two seasons. She relegated Diego to punting duties while the Queen took all the field goals and extra points to herself.
Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man sometimes you look ahead at something and can’t help but to laugh. I was thinking “I wonder….” “Let me check…” “HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA” so just know you have that to look forward to fairly soon. I don’t really know why I told you this when I could just write a paragraph explaining the next part of this story instead of blathering on and on about something that will be funny in the future but has no context now….Let’s just say it’s foreshadowing and move on.
The first and only season for Venus Powers in the DSFL was great. Now that she had successfully removed Diego from the equation she could take all the glory for herself. She went 21/24 on field goals with a 47 yard long (weak), and 39/42 on the easiest points you could ever score (the extra point). Just for a completely random comparison to see how that stacks up to some of the greats in the league, we will just take a random kicker from the season 43 DSFL class from I don’t know I guess we can use the Bucs for a frame of reference since that isn’t one of the teams Venus or Marshall had been on. So let’s see his stats 26/33 with a 56 yard long (wow super strong and even made multiple 50 yarders!) and 36/37 on extra points. So all in all it doesn’t look like Venus is all that great if we are being honest. But the power was already getting to Venus’ head in a PT Task talking about the Portland stadium Baron went on the record saying this “Hours before the games start, fans can be seen flooding the Snake Pit parking lot with tailgating galore, including some unique cultural influences from the team’s star players (Posta à Mirandesa and other Portuguese flavors from Jay Cue, fluffy tacos from San Antonio to honor Venus Powers, etc.)”. To HONOR Venus Powers. Baron acts as if Venus Powers is some kind of god that her fanbase should be worshiping or something. Give me a break Baron check your ego at the door why don’t you? No one is eating fluffy tacos in your name fluffy tacos are just a tasty snack.
Okay, so my computer just crashed not sure if it was because my comparison was too harsh or if it was because I claimed to have kicker multi’s on Discord or for some other reason but don’t worry folks all of my writing was saved because I’m not stupid and I know how to properly back my stuff up so you are still seeing the RAW, UNFILTERED, TRUTH about the evil Queen Baron1898. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Venus Powers SUCKS! Is what I’m thinking but unfortunately is not true at least as far as her kicking ability is concerned. The rest is….questionable. But for now, Venus Powers is NOT the top kicker in the DSFL. No *checks notes* this can’t be! How?! Venus Powers has all the power in her hands! How is she not the best kicker? It’s because of the results I showed earlier. She performed decently but nowhere near pro bowl status. I mean, whoever that kicker was that I was comparing Powers to, now that is a pro bowl and future hall of famer if I’ve ever seen one. Venus played fine I’m not going to knock her for that. She did lose the kicker of the year award though and as we talked about earlier, was one of the sole reasons for creating Powers. So she could be the Queen of the kickers and have all the accolades for herself. Who needs a good offense or even a good defense when you have Queen Baron’s Venus Powers on your team? Well, apparently that would have been helpful to the Pythons who went a respectable 8-6 but had a worse record than….San Antonio Marshals come on down! Oh sorry I mean Minnesota Grey Ducks come on down! The very team that Venus Powers had sworn off after they had betrayed her had beaten her team. The team that had selected a different kicker one pick before she had beaten her team, the team that her former player had great success with had beaten her own team and once again the fault lied in our stars. Sorry no, uh the fault lied in Venus Powers lust for power. Her power over her team had forced them into taking field goals they didn’t need to be taking and now the team she had wanted to be on so badly, the team that she was going to refuse calls from any other team was now refusing her own calls for help. In fact, they stared her in the face in disgust…. quite literally. The Grey Ducks and Pythons met each other in the first round of the playoffs and Powers felt she had something to prove against the team she used to call home. She was as consistent as ever hitting a lone field goal and going 2/2 on extra points. But on the other side was the kicker drafted one pick ahead of her and for good reason. Silver Banana went 3/3 on field goals and 3/3 on extra points completely 1 upping Venus’ pathetic performance because for as good as Venus was her team was not. She hadn’t stopped to think about her team when getting drafted. She was only in it for herself after all. And this led to a devastating 27-30 defeat against the Grey Ducks who would go on to win an Ultimini one game later. That’s right, if she would have stuck to her team and refused to get drafted by anyone else she likely would have won the ultimini. Instead, she chased individual accolades and failed to get those too. Her noncommitment to the team, a team, any team was ever prevalent and proved to be her ultimate downfall. She would go on to be completely committed to a team in the very near future but that was to push her own agenda. An agenda of power and greed with no thought of how it may affect her team.
Power: what she wanted was power. With power comes control. They go hand and hand in my opinion. So what the hell is wrong with Venus Powers that is so problematic? How can it be that Venus will go 10 seasons with two teams and not even sniff an ultimus? She’s in the hall of fame after all so she clearly CANT be the problem. But what if she is? Ultimus’ are won by the team, not the individual. Individual stats are great and all but should team success not be attributed to the player as well? You may argue for example in baseball wins and losses for a pitcher shouldn’t be held against them if they have a great ERA and while that may be true that lack of space in the column labeled with a W is a key factor in hall of fame eligibility. So let me say this right now before we get into Venus Powers’ history in the ISFL, Venus Powers does NOT belong in the hall of fame.
The Hall of Frauds
Why does a 4x ISFL Pro Bowl Punter, 3x ISFL Pro Bowl Kicker, 2x ISFL Punter of the Year, 2x ISFL Kicker of the Year, and at the time of her retirement ISFL Record - Most Consecutive Games w/o a Missed Kick, ISFL Record - Most Consecutive Kicks w/o a Miss, ISFL 4th all-time FGM, ISFL 4th all-time FGA, ISFL 9th all-time FG%, ISFL 9th all-time most XPM, ISFL 10th all-time most XPA, ISFL 8th all-time punts, ISFL 9th all-time YDS, ISFL 8th all-time punts inside 20, ISFL 6th all-time points not belong in the half of Fame? One word: Greed. You will not hear me mention the playoffs very much in this article and for good reason. You don’t rack up these numbers by being a team player. We knew Baron1898 wasn’t a team player from her first player Morgan Marshall but we are about to see her take it to a whole other level. While I don’t know the middle name of Venus Powers I would not be surprised if it was “Greed”. From the very beginning, all the way back in her college days when she was chasing individual records all the way through her 10 season ISFL career she refused to play the team game. How is a kicker truly great if they haven’t won anything? Records are meant to be broken because they lead to greater success but Venus was breaking records and having the opposite effect. Is that hall of fame worthy? I looked at the season 36 2051 hall of fame ballot. In fact, I did a whole article on how to get into the hall of fame so I’m more well versed than most in this area. But I mention this ballot because two people on the committee agreed with me. 2 out of the 9 committee members said that Venus Powers DOES NOT deserve to be in the hall of fame. Venus Powers only received 7 of the 9 committee votes. Unfortunately, this was enough to put her through but if I had been on that committee she would not be in the hall of fame today. I probably should have placed this segment at the end of the article but it was hot in my head and I can’t go back now but I will hurry on to her ACTUAL career in one second. There is just one last thing I would like to mention regarding Venus Powers hall of fame bid. She made it receiving 7 of the 9 votes. Whatever. In the induction ceremony they say “Powers enters an exclusive group of hall of fame kickers and while the bar is high, she sailed over it like her many kicks” She sailed over it like her many kicks? She barely sailed over the flippin flappy bird crossbar! And this, THIS NEXT BIT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS. I said earlier I wouldn’t be talking about the playoffs much because she DIDNT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS MUCH. In fact, she played in a grand total of FOUR playoff games in 10 seasons. Making it to the postseason just 3 times. And they have the AUDACITY to credit her with records like “#7 Career P Avg (48.50), #4 Career P In20Rate (0.50), #1 Career K FGPct (1.00). WELL YEA NO DUH SHE MADE 100% OF HER FIELD GOALS SHE ONLY KICKED 9 IN HER ENTIRE CAREER. I could go on for hours talking about how undeserving she is of the hall of fame but this article is already 3500 words? Holy Guacamole that’s a lot more than I expected at this point. So with that being said let’s complain some more!
The Award Committee
Sorry, you are going to have to wait a little longer to get to the ISFL draft because we have some truly psychotic behavior from Baron1898. Remember when I said some of her descriptions in her Halloween PT Task describe herself more than she may know? Well, that is certainly the case as far as “devolves into insanity” is concerned. We are now in season 19 but we are going to time travel back to season 14 where Morgan Marshall had arguably the best season of his career and won running back of the year. But Baron has arrived 5 seasons later in a rule proposal asking for an award committee to which she responds “Sign me up for the awards committee. I should’ve won S14 DSFL MVP over Gump goddamnit”. And I just did the math and….yeah, I was going to roast her for living in the past but looking at the stats I don’t see how Marshall didn’t win MVP it honestly isn’t really close. And as an ethical writer, I will be keeping this paragraph in here because even I can be wrong sometimes. Which is more honest than Baron1898 will ever be. This proposal also did not pass and Baron was not too happy in fact releasing her own article on why it should pass. When I told Baron to stop hanging on to the past I didn’t think I’d be talking about this but here we are ( I honestly agree a committee of some sort should have been created but that doesn’t fit my hate on Baron agenda so pretend I didn’t say that).
Continuing off this topic of the awards committee a secret group of ISFL members formed a five person awards committee and created a media piece describing the top players from every position. Funnily enough, the first award on the list was Kicker of the Year and I’m sad to report that our favorite protagonist/antagonist/anti-hero (not the song. Not everything revolves around you Swifties out there) was not even on the ballot instead Vince Hammerson, Jordan Jackson, and the kicker that was picked one spot before Powers Silver Banana were on the ballot. This took Baron’s anger to heights I have yet to see up to this point. So far, I have seen Baron angry, disappointed, and disgusted to varying levels but this random committee unleashed a fury of a thousand suns from Baron1898 who responded “Seriously what the fuck. How in the world do you even justify including Silver Banana and Vince Hammerson as nominees and not include Venus Powers? Like that’s beyond my personal bias, that’s complete bullshit”. Baron, who had championed a petition to get a new awards committee had now seen a new supposed unbiased third party awards committee created only for them to ALSO leave her without even a mention. The Evil Queen was without power. She sat on a throne of lies and her world was coming crashing down. To make matters worse the man she had forced out of primary kicking duties, Mr. Diego Espinosa? He was honored to be on the ballot for punter of the year but he not only was nominated, he won. So to recap, Baron had championed a petition to create a new awards committee and while that had not happened, a third party unofficial committee had been created and they had shut her out of not only winning but also even being nominated. To add to this, the kicker drafted one spot before her to her former favorite team ended up winning the award. To add to this EVEN FURTHER, the man she pushed out of a job despite doing nothing wrong ends up winning punter of the year. All of these confounding variables stacked one on top of each other was bringing Baron closer and closer to pure insanity. The evil Queen was no longer just evil. She was becoming the Evil MAD Queen and the league was soon to see her wrath.
Press Conference
And now it is time for Venus Powers press conference which is one of my favorite things Baron does with her players because I get the luxury of hindsight and see how wrong she ends up being! Also, I get to see how unhinged and unfiltered she becomes as her insanity only continues to grow, and let me tell you, this one might have set some kind of record with the amount of bridges she’s burned. As someone who has burned a few bridges in my time, I appreciate that she doesn’t give a fuck, and is one record I will willingly allow her to keep. So let’s get into some of her responses to her pre draft presser. Oof, there’s a lot to go through so we will go through them one by one.
“Drafting a kicker high is a stigma. It’s stupid but it’s how it is. I’ve undoubtedly proven myself to be one of the top talents in the draft, both on and off the field, so I’m playing it by ear and showing appropriate interest in any non-Chicago franchise that’s willing to take a chance on me”.
One of the “top talents” of the draft…we’ve heard that one before haven’t we Baron? This exert is taken from a similar presser with Morgan Marshall as the player; “I am confident that I am good enough to be a franchise star in the right situation, especially after a season or two more of training. You will not find a better starter in this draft”. While this quote will end up coming true regarding Powers, it shows her lack of humility to her fellow kickers some of whom were better than her in the season previous.
“Don’t be Chicago. Have you seen that team? It’s a toxic environment and I’m willing to be literally anywhere else. The only other real requirements I have are that I get the starting job and that the team is ready and willing to make plans for competing for a title. I want a title goddamnit”
There are a few glaring problems with this quote. First of all, and I don’t know the context of a toxic environment in Chicago so this may be true but this begins her rampage of hating everything and everyone. If you are not Venus Powers reincarnated you better get the hell out of the way because she is not holding back on anything or anyone. The next thing to mention is that starting job line. We’ve heard that one before too on a previous player “I do not want to spend a good portion of my prime years as a backup on a team whose established starter has another five to six years left before I can take their place”. She is ready for another hostile takeover. Much like she did in Portland to poor Diego she will do it again to whatever veteran kicker is on the team she ends up getting drafted to. And finally, she wants to win a title. She wants to WIN A TITLE. SHE WANTS TO WIN A TITLE. Well, Venus Powers, I’m happy to report you won’t come close to even sniffing an Ultimus much less winning one. And it’s this very attitude that will prevent it from happening. You can have ALL the individual awards in the world but the one award that truly matters will forever escape you.
“ In the Ultimini…. who I am rooting for? Definitely….Tijuana. Not because I like Tijuana. I despise Tijuana. If you found a list of “Top Three Anti-Tijuana Users” I’d probably be on there. But if you found a list of “Top One Anti-Minnesota Users” you’d find my name on there circled in red sharpie.”.
So far the hate list has extended to the Chicago Butchers, Tijuana Luchadores, Minnesota Grey Ducks, the awards committee, half of the entire ISFL, etc, etc, etc. It must be exhausting hating all of these things. How do you keep track of all this? Just kidding I can relate….I’m looking at you @crazytomato.
In response to the question “What are your thoughts on this new revolutionary Kicker by Committee? Should it be utilized by other teams? Did you enjoy being apart of it?” she responds “It was fun, in a sorta “this’ll certainly keep my legs fresh” way but also in a “this is definitely a one time thing” way…. I do want to be a great career punter as well, not just a place kicker, so even though I’d say I enjoyed it this year I’d really rather not ever again”
Add another member to the Venus Powers hate list featuring poor poor Diego. He didn’t do anything wrong but Venus still hates his guts “I’d really rather not ever again” is a nice way of saying I fucking hate that Diego guy for even existing on the same team as me much less stealing punting away from me. The true victim blaming going on here is crazy from her. It’s always the people with the most power that feel they are being prejudiced against the most Ms. Venus Powers. Maybe it is time to look yourself in the mirror and see if YOU are the problem.
In response to “Since I play for Tijuana do you hate me?” she responds “Yes, you are a Luchadore and thus you suck. Scorp is a Luchadore and thus he sucks. But also scorp sucks anyway. Scorp sucks lmao. I’m pretty sure he’s the only person with a dedicated discord server documenting his stupidest typos”
We add another member the the Venus Powers power trip this time the victim is Scorp who seemed like a lovely guy but I will admit after scouring the archives it does appear he made quite a few typos. However, that is no reason to hate a teammate. I mean I have to deal with Thor Dangerson for crying out loud. Do you know how hard it can be to decipher his messages at times and you don’t see me complaining about it….
and last but not least “goddamn woodchucks are just a race of spineless, incompetent nitwits”.
The final victims of Venus Powers Power Trip Presser are the poor innocent woodchucks. Venus uses some violent words to describe these completely innocent creatures who are just trying to live their lives. But this shows just how hungry Venus is to have complete power over not just the ISFL but the entire world.
Mock(ing) Drafts
With that presser out of the way (thank goodness), we can move to how analysts viewed Venus’ stock going into the draft and while overall it was good she did ruffle a few feathers. You see, Jay Doctor had created three separate mock drafts throughout the season 19 regular season and offseason. And in this time, while still expected to go early, Venus dropped from predicted going 8th overall, to 12th, and finally to 13th overall. If I were her I would have been excited to be predicted to go that early. But Venus isn’t like the rest of us. That ego, that power, that control, that desperation has her angry at anything that moves as she responds “My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined”. She can be angry all she wants about moving back to 13th in the draft but the problem I have with this is she makes a first rounder prediction predicting who will go off the board in the first 10 picks and she doesn’t pick herself! You may be saying to yourself, “wow she’s grown so much! She’s learned some humility!”. To which I will shut that down right now. In a matter of 4 days, she went from criticizing a mock draft for not having her in the first round, to ALSO not taking herself in the first round acting like nothing even happened. This is how Venus and Baron act around everything. Contradictions left and right anyway to knock others down a peg so that she can assert full control over the situation.
Tampering
This CAN NOT BE HAPPENING AGAIN. One time is a happy little accident but TWO TIMES? NO NO NO NO NO NO! As part of my very in depth research (this actually isn’t a joke I spend way too long not doing my actual job and instead finding random tidbits about Baron1898) I went to the ISFL Youtube page to check out the live draft for season 20 and ONCE AGAIN, EXACTLY like Morgan Marshall’s seasons, the season 20 draft doesn’t exist. But unlike Marshall’s seasons where 3 or 4 seasons were not posted season 19 WAS posted and so was season 21! How in the world do you just skip past only one season of the ISFL draft unless there is some sabotaging going on from Venus Powers. But this isn’t the only questionable thing about the circumstances surrounding the season 20 draft because while the ISFL draft was not posted, the DSFL Draft WAS. That is right, Baron1898 had somehow destroyed the tapes to Morgan Marshall’s entire career and had now successfully destroyed the tapes to her draft into the ISFL with Venus Powers. Baron1898 should be locked up for tampering and required to write a 1000 word article about how sorry she is that she accidently didn’t give last season’s Gemini Award to me.
The Big Day
So what actually happened in the season 20 ISFL draft? Well Venus Powers, as many had predicted, did not go first off the board nor did she go in the first round. But eventually, with the fourth pick in the second round, going 13th overall Venus Powers was taken off the board by her new team, the Philadelphia Liberty. Why are there so many damn vowels in Philadelphia? It’s impossible to spell right I can’t figure out if an a goes there or an i or an e they all just jumble together. And I will have you know I failed to spell it correctly 2 out of 3 times (thanks for letting me down autocorrect). While Venus did end up being the first kicker off the board, she was taken to a team with very little success as of late. They hadn’t had a winning season in four seasons but despite this Venus seemed happy for the most part. That should have raised alarm bells immediately for the Liberty but they were happy with getting a new kicker and didn’t know about Baron, or Morgan Marshall, or the power of Venus. But they would learn soon enough because it was nearing the time for her hostile takeover. All of the words Venus spoke were smoke and mirrors. I’m a team player she says. I want to win an Ultimus she says. I’m willing to help the team she says. But none of these statements are true. She had arrived in the ISFL to take complete control even if that meant losing a ton of games in the process. Which is exactly what happened.
After signing a 3 year contract with two mutual options (once more….control) and having a no trade clause to the Chicago Butchers (seriously what did they do to Baron for her to make an NTC to the Butchers?! I mean Morgan Marshall didn’t seem to have a grudge against them and Baron and Venus only started having a problem with them recently despite not doing anything to warrant this hate. Unless I’m missing something this is completely uncalled for and truly exhibits the careless attitude Venus has for everyone except herself. I mean sure they were in a rebuild but spoiler alert Ms. Venus Powers, you aren’t going to a much better team) she was officially ready to play in the ISFL. She also gloats in her wiki about taking a minimum contract but I think this was likely Phili telling her her true worth to the team and not something she actually got to decide.
Venus the Rookie Mentor
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay as soon as I saw this PT Task I knew it was going to be pure gold and I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO correct it isn’t even funny. Okay, it’s actually REALLY funny but that’s besides the point. What is the PT Task you are asking yourself? Well, young padawan let me tell you. The PT Task puts the user in the place of a rookie mentor and asks them what they would tell rookies. Baron1898 as a rookie mentor is LAUGHABLE at the very least and her answer is exactly why. First of all she says she can offer valuable advice to the rookies (yeah right). But this next part………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. I’m sorry it is so hard for me to control myself I had to step away from my keyboard for a second. This next part is Batshit crazy coming from the user we know and love as Baron1898 so here’s the quote “I think that this will also stress the importance of teamwork and fair play to the rookies. Many a team culture has been crippled by showboating or selfish actions - it’s a team sport, and individual heroics always come after the success of the team itself”. What have I been writing about this ENTIRE TIME? Baron’s lack of teamwork, giving herself unequal playing opportunities, teams being crippled by HER selfish actions, individual heroics getting in the way of her team….EVERYTHING Baron has been up to this point and the future is founded on the opposite of what she says in this quote. It is BANANAS. I truly have no words to go into detail about this. I’m so dumbfounded by this response. Baron’s players have been the antithesis of this very quote and yet she spreads it like it is the gospel. The one part that I would really like to focus in on (even though I’d love to talk about all of it for the rest of time) is the individual heroics getting in the way of the team part of that quote. We didn’t see that much in Morgan Marshall but as highlighted in why Venus Powers shouldn’t be in the hall of fame, Venus would provide a perfect example of this trait. So as we move forward just think about this quote from time to time and wonder to yourself “Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy?”.
Old Friends
Isn’t it great when puzzle pieces just come together? I will leave this quote from my previous article about Baron here “this new up-and-coming rookie that led the ISFL in attempts and yards and was third in touchdowns would become public enemy number 1 for Morgan Marshall. Sam Torenson was drafted first overall in the season 16 draft and was EVERYTHING Morgan Marshall wanted to be. Torenson ended up getting drafted first overall, was on a team that ran more than anyone in the league, was fast, strong, powerful, smart, golden boy, face of the franchise, and future hall of famer”, Why am I talking about one of Morgan Marshall’s mortal enemies? Because what goes around comes around and despite everything Baron and Marshall and Powers have tried to do, they can’t escape the truth. Torenson wasn’t simply Marshall’s rival he was what Baron had wanted her player to be. So imagine her reaction when she found out that man, future hall of famer Sam Torenson who had knocked Marshall far from the top pedestal, was now on the same team as Venus Powers. There is no reaction post or signs of disgust from the evil Queen Baron but I would suspect, upon learning she was on the same team as the man that caused so much trouble for her first player, she must have been infuriated. She would never show that however, and in her wiki would even be kind to Torenson giving him props for being so dominant on the Liberty with her. But we know the truth. We rewound the tapes and discovered the animosity and hatred toward Torenson. She may shake his hand and look him in the eyes but she’s got a knife in the other hand ready to stab him in the back at any given moment. After all, this was her team now, and she had to take control.
Season 20
And take control she did but not in the categories you would want in a team that is looking to move up in the world. They would punt the ball more than any other team giving her plenty of opportunities to show off that powerful leg of hers and she LOVED it. The offense was terrible and last in just about every statistical category but that didn’t matter to her. She owned the field and for the first time in her players career she had power and control over an ISFL football team. She ended the season a perfect 23/23 on extra points but was a terrible field goal kicker hitting just 23 of 29 field goals on the season. But that didn’t matter to Powers. This season, she was focused on punting. She had every single punter beat when it came to total punts, total yards, average yards, and kicks inside the 20. She was Iowa before Iowa was Iowa. And she knew the power she had over the team and when writing a PT Task regarding award season she said “Now, time for a little self promotion, but I am not afraid of saying that Venus Powers absolutely has Punter of the Year wrapped up with her name on it. No one else even sniffs it”. Ah Ms. Venus Powers, if only you knew what was coming.
The Liberty went 5-8 on the season and made the playoffs only because 8 out of 10 teams made the playoffs for some reason back then. Needless to say, they got blasted out of the airlock in the first round and I hardly count that as making the playoffs especially when you are 3 games below 500. This 5-8 mark was one game better than the Chicago Butchers whom Venus Powers refused to be a part of but that isn’t the story here because we already knew Venus wasn’t going to be a team player and was more focused on her individual stats despite saying otherwise. What we don’t know about yet is that Venus had haters before even I came along. We have talked about the awards committee a few times in this article and it is time to bring them up once more. Venus, despite saying she had punter of the year wrapped up…..did not have punter of the year wrapped up. In fact, she wasn’t even on the ballot. Despite having the better stats in just about every category, Venus Powers was left off the ballot and she had had enough. She went to the ballot station and attempted to remove the votes for the eventual winner Alfredo Crisco but was caught. And in a statement by one of the award heads, he said this “Further digging alerted me to a mistake from Google Forms. Essentially, the first three ballots cast had their votes for Alfredo Crisco removed, as an error in the ballot was corrected”. He also indicated there was no foul play involved but we know the truth. We know about Venus Powers desperate need for power, control, and individual accolades. In fact, she couldn’t help but comment on this correction letter “So... how in the world did Venus Powers not even get nominated for Punter of the Year?”. To which another commenter replied, “Because nobody cares about you or the Liberty”. Oof. But at the end of the day, that’s it. That’s the answer. Venus Powers thought she had the league all figured out. She thought she could purposely end up on a bad team and rack up stats winning individual awards like getting candy on Halloween. But the league had seen enough of her shenanigans to see through her rouse and barred her from the ballot. It probably didn’t help that she had burned her relationships with the award committee multiple times already but that was just her style and why would she change now? Despite not receiving the punter of the year award Powers did end up going to the Pro Bowl but we all know our protagonist isn’t too fond of not winning an individual award so while the pro bowl was nice the thirst for vengeance was strong and she now had a serious vendetta against the entire league.
Season 21
We now move to season 21 where you thought things were bad in season 20 just wait for season 21. The Liberty would get EVEN WORSE going 3-10 tied for the worst record in the league. They were even beaten by Powers most hated team the Chicago Butchers who ended the season with a 5-8 record. But we already know that Venus didn’t care about that. She probably barely even registered they were playing the game to win. She was in her own little world going for her own individual stats. And it worked. She became the pro bowl kicker and punter for the NSFC and secured the punter of the year award that had alluded her just one season prior. While I’m not so sure the team's morale was sky high, Powers’ morale certainly was as she seemed to have found a team that appreciated her for who she was. But this was, of course, all a lie. For all the backstabbing and victim blaming Venus Powers, Morgan Marshall, and Baron1898 had done they would not be prepared for what was to come…..
To be continued……
Post Credit Scene
I talked a bit longer than I probably should have so we are splitting the story of Venus Powers into two parts! In this recent edition, we talked about the power and control Baron looked to find her player, and by the end of the article, it would seem she had finally succeeded. However, on the next edition darkness looms in the shadows with season 22 on its way that can only mean one thing…..It’s time for…..
The Expansion Draft
Howdy! I am responsible for quite possibly the greatest kicker to ever grace the ISFL and am the most accomplished media writer the ISFL has ever seen (no need to ask anyone else regarding either of those claims)
Important Media You Must Read If You Want To Be Cool Like Me
The Villainous Jreed12: The Case Against the WEAKly Mirror|Jreed is a multi|Coming soon
The Truth About Baron1898: The Self Proclaimed Queen|The Evil Queen|The Curse of Venus|The Truth
The Year of the Joker: Year of the Joker|Doubling Down|Bye to Losers|Win or Not?|Last Dance
Read the full 56 Chapter Book of Zen Catalog here: The Book of Zen
Miscellaneous Articles: The Clown Car Four|The Nauseating Nine|1 Star Mcdonalds Prospect Analysis