06-08-2024, 08:39 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-08-2024, 10:23 PM by wetwilleh. Edited 1 time in total.)
Catch Up on Previous Chapters:
Start From the Beginning: Chapter 1
Most Recent Chapter: Chapter 35
Zenzeroni was flabbergasted to have made the team. He didn’t even think the coach had seen him and he knew for a fact the coach had never talked to him during tryouts. So how the hell had he made the team?
Zenzeroni trots out onto the field with all of the other players that had made the team and none of them looked particularly athletic but why would they? They were going to a school that specialized in the culinary arts not athleticism. Zenzeroni saw the coach making his way to the field and quickly ran over to him.
“Hey coach. I was just wondering why I was chosen to be part of the team? I think my roommate would be a much better fit for the team if I’m being honest.”
The coach looks Zenzeroni up and down and narrows his eyes “First of all you can call me George. I’m your teammate, not your boss. We are here to work together. And as far as why you were picked well, as soon as I laid eyes on you I knew you would be a perfect addition to this team. In talking with your professors they only confirmed you are the perfect man for the job.”
“But coach– uh, I mean George, I can’t catch the ball or block or play any position with my noodle arms!”
“It seems that everyone forgets about the most important position on the field.”
“What? Are you going to throw me at waterboy or something because I am not going to run the teams errands just be–”
George cuts him off “You are going to be our kicker/punter.”
“But I’ve never kicked a ball in my life!”
“You think any of these kids have played a game of football in their lives?” George gestures to the rest of the field where the players are already out of breath, injured, or just talking with each other. “Everyone is on the same playing field. That’s what makes us so special. And I plan on making us one of the best teams in our conference.”
“How am I going to catch the ball for punts though?”
George smirks “I’ve got a plan.”
George pats Zenzeroni on the back and jogs to the center of the field gathering the rest of the team. Zenzeroni gets curious looks from the rest of the players who are equally surprised they made the team and especially that Zenzeroni made the team.
“You’re probably wondering why you all ended up in this situation today” George starts then pauses for acknowledgment. Everyone nods in agreement as he continues “Whether you know it or not, you are ALL capable of things beyond your wildest imaginations. I plan on getting every ounce of football ability out of you. Tryouts may not have seemed like your “typical” football tryout but TRUST me. I know exactly what I’m doing. So, with that being said let’s get to work.”
George continued his unorthodox practice techniques having the team lay down and focus on daydreaming for an hour before transitioning to a game of leapfrog, red light green light, and bringing the team to a maze forcing them to escape without a map. When it was all said and done the team was more confused now than they had been going in. Besides Zenzeroni, no one else knew what their position was going to be and their football IQ hadn’t improved in the slightest throughout the practice.
“Good work team! You all looked really sharp out there and I really think we are ready for the game this weekend!”
“There’s a game this weekend?!” One of the players asks in fear.
“You should be excited! Games are where you can show off everything you learned!”
“But we haven’t learned anything!” Another player speaks up.
“Sure you have, you just haven’t realized it yet! Same time tomorrow. Where I’m thinking hide and seek, square dancing, and celebrations are going to be the priority. Should be an exciting season and I can’t wait to see all of you live up to your fullest potential!”
And with that, the practice was over. Zenzeroni dumbfounded made the slow walk back to his dorm room where Linguine jumped up and started bombarding Zenzeroni with questions “What position are you going to be? How is the coach? Who’s going to be QB? What plays are you going to be running? What–”
Zenzeroni interrupts Linguine before he can continue “Kicker. Weird. I don’t know. I don’t KNOW. I DON’T KNOW!” Zenzeroni’s calm demeanor explodes as he finally feels like he is in a safe place to do so “I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THE COACH IS DOING HE HAS US DOING THESE WEIRD DRILLS. NONE OF US KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE DAMN GAME. HE THINKS HE’S SOME KIND OF GENIUS BUT I’VE NEVER SEEN A MORE CLUELESS GOD DAMN COACH EVER. I CAN’T DO THIS. NO ONE ON THE TEAM CAN. WE HAVEN’T LEARNED A GOD DAMN THING ABOUT FOOTBALL DESPITE “PRACTICING” FOR FOUR HOURS. AND WHAT’S EEEEEEEEVEN BETTER IS WE HAVE A GAME THIS WEEKEND! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Zenzeroni spins in circles before collapsing onto his bed.
“So….” Linguine says quietly, “You’re going to be the kicker?”
“Yep. Not like I know how to kick the ball though.”
“You didn’t practice it?”
“NO LINGUINE I DIDN’T” Zenzeroni yells at his roommate before realizing his mistake and calming himself down “Sorry, practice was just…a lot.”
“Sounds like it. Sorry to bring you more bad news but did you do the assignment for The Art of Ballet yet?” Zenzeroni puts a pillow over his face and screams as loud as he can. “I will take that as a no,” Linguine says quietly.
“What the hell am I supposed to do? I’m failing my classes, I’m part of a completely dysfunctional football team, and my only friend is my roommate. Maybe my parents were right. Maybe I am a failure.” Zenzeroni stares out the dorm window at the campus wishing he had never left the only thing he had succeeded in, being a pirate.
Start From the Beginning: Chapter 1
Most Recent Chapter: Chapter 35
The Book of Zen
Chapter 36: Practice Makes Perfect
Zenzeroni was flabbergasted to have made the team. He didn’t even think the coach had seen him and he knew for a fact the coach had never talked to him during tryouts. So how the hell had he made the team?
Zenzeroni trots out onto the field with all of the other players that had made the team and none of them looked particularly athletic but why would they? They were going to a school that specialized in the culinary arts not athleticism. Zenzeroni saw the coach making his way to the field and quickly ran over to him.
“Hey coach. I was just wondering why I was chosen to be part of the team? I think my roommate would be a much better fit for the team if I’m being honest.”
The coach looks Zenzeroni up and down and narrows his eyes “First of all you can call me George. I’m your teammate, not your boss. We are here to work together. And as far as why you were picked well, as soon as I laid eyes on you I knew you would be a perfect addition to this team. In talking with your professors they only confirmed you are the perfect man for the job.”
“But coach– uh, I mean George, I can’t catch the ball or block or play any position with my noodle arms!”
“It seems that everyone forgets about the most important position on the field.”
“What? Are you going to throw me at waterboy or something because I am not going to run the teams errands just be–”
George cuts him off “You are going to be our kicker/punter.”
“But I’ve never kicked a ball in my life!”
“You think any of these kids have played a game of football in their lives?” George gestures to the rest of the field where the players are already out of breath, injured, or just talking with each other. “Everyone is on the same playing field. That’s what makes us so special. And I plan on making us one of the best teams in our conference.”
“How am I going to catch the ball for punts though?”
George smirks “I’ve got a plan.”
George pats Zenzeroni on the back and jogs to the center of the field gathering the rest of the team. Zenzeroni gets curious looks from the rest of the players who are equally surprised they made the team and especially that Zenzeroni made the team.
“You’re probably wondering why you all ended up in this situation today” George starts then pauses for acknowledgment. Everyone nods in agreement as he continues “Whether you know it or not, you are ALL capable of things beyond your wildest imaginations. I plan on getting every ounce of football ability out of you. Tryouts may not have seemed like your “typical” football tryout but TRUST me. I know exactly what I’m doing. So, with that being said let’s get to work.”
George continued his unorthodox practice techniques having the team lay down and focus on daydreaming for an hour before transitioning to a game of leapfrog, red light green light, and bringing the team to a maze forcing them to escape without a map. When it was all said and done the team was more confused now than they had been going in. Besides Zenzeroni, no one else knew what their position was going to be and their football IQ hadn’t improved in the slightest throughout the practice.
“Good work team! You all looked really sharp out there and I really think we are ready for the game this weekend!”
“There’s a game this weekend?!” One of the players asks in fear.
“You should be excited! Games are where you can show off everything you learned!”
“But we haven’t learned anything!” Another player speaks up.
“Sure you have, you just haven’t realized it yet! Same time tomorrow. Where I’m thinking hide and seek, square dancing, and celebrations are going to be the priority. Should be an exciting season and I can’t wait to see all of you live up to your fullest potential!”
And with that, the practice was over. Zenzeroni dumbfounded made the slow walk back to his dorm room where Linguine jumped up and started bombarding Zenzeroni with questions “What position are you going to be? How is the coach? Who’s going to be QB? What plays are you going to be running? What–”
Zenzeroni interrupts Linguine before he can continue “Kicker. Weird. I don’t know. I don’t KNOW. I DON’T KNOW!” Zenzeroni’s calm demeanor explodes as he finally feels like he is in a safe place to do so “I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THE COACH IS DOING HE HAS US DOING THESE WEIRD DRILLS. NONE OF US KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE DAMN GAME. HE THINKS HE’S SOME KIND OF GENIUS BUT I’VE NEVER SEEN A MORE CLUELESS GOD DAMN COACH EVER. I CAN’T DO THIS. NO ONE ON THE TEAM CAN. WE HAVEN’T LEARNED A GOD DAMN THING ABOUT FOOTBALL DESPITE “PRACTICING” FOR FOUR HOURS. AND WHAT’S EEEEEEEEVEN BETTER IS WE HAVE A GAME THIS WEEKEND! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Zenzeroni spins in circles before collapsing onto his bed.
“So….” Linguine says quietly, “You’re going to be the kicker?”
“Yep. Not like I know how to kick the ball though.”
“You didn’t practice it?”
“NO LINGUINE I DIDN’T” Zenzeroni yells at his roommate before realizing his mistake and calming himself down “Sorry, practice was just…a lot.”
“Sounds like it. Sorry to bring you more bad news but did you do the assignment for The Art of Ballet yet?” Zenzeroni puts a pillow over his face and screams as loud as he can. “I will take that as a no,” Linguine says quietly.
“What the hell am I supposed to do? I’m failing my classes, I’m part of a completely dysfunctional football team, and my only friend is my roommate. Maybe my parents were right. Maybe I am a failure.” Zenzeroni stares out the dorm window at the campus wishing he had never left the only thing he had succeeded in, being a pirate.
Howdy! I am responsible for quite possibly the greatest kicker to ever grace the ISFL and am the most accomplished media writer the ISFL has ever seen (no need to ask anyone else regarding either of those claims)
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The Truth About Baron1898: The Self Proclaimed Queen|The Evil Queen|The Curse of Venus|The Truth
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Read the full 56 Chapter Book of Zen Catalog here: The Book of Zen
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